A SPEEDING TAXI loses control and hits a lamppost in Quezon City. The driver who sustained just minor bruises is immediately charged with damage to property. Of course, he would not have been sued if he were a security aide of a political adviser.

Authorities tried to contact the operator of the taxi but they were informed that he was in Geneva when the accident happened.

Llamas Explains
Ronald Llamas is back from Switzerland. If you’re not familiar with the guy, he’s a former leader of Akbayan, and is currently the presidential adviser on firearms concerns.

Presidential political adviser Ronald Llamas admits that he owns at least five firearms including the Soviet-designed assault rifle AK-47 and an M-16. Take that Virgie Torres!

Defending his ownership of an AK-47 assault rifle, presidential political adviser Ronald Llamas says there are “credible threats to my personal safety.” He just sacked two of his security aides… making those threats more credible.

Ronald Llamas owns at least five firearms. He sure knows how to fire guns. And employees.

The dismissed security aides of presidential political adviser Ronald Llamas – Joey Tecson and John Alarcon who slammed the official’s car to a slow moving truck – are not off the hook yet. They could be held liable for illegal possession of stupidity.

Breaking News! This report is brought to you by Havaianas flip-flops.
After ruling three times “with finality” that PAL’s retrenchment of flight attendants and stewards 13 years ago was illegal, the Supreme Court en banc, in an unprecedented move recalled its own decision. The full court is expected to issue a ruling on the second motion for reconsideration filed by PAL. Of course, expect that ruling to be recalled 13 years from now.

The Supreme Court had ruled “three times” that the retrenchment of 1,400 PAL flight attendants in 1998 was illegal. But in a two-page resolution dated October 4, the High Tribunal recalled its ruling. Supreme Court spokesman Atty. Midas Marquez cited ‘misapplication of rules.’ In layman’s term, ‘katangahan.’

Supreme Court spokesman Atty. Midas Marquez says, “This is the first time I’ve encountered something like this.” Kami rin.

Explaining the Supreme Court’s decision to withdraw a ruling that favored the association of PAL flight attendants, Supreme Court spokesman Atty. Midas Marquez cited “misapplication of rules.” In totally unrelated news, the Department of Budget is studying if there had been a “misallocation of budget” for the Supreme Court.

Modernong Talasalitaan
“With finality”
– Kapag ikaw ay ordinaryong Pilipino, kinasuhan at natalo, tapos ang maliligayang araw mo. Sure na. Final na kahit umapela ka pa. Good luck sa ‘yo!
– Kapag ikaw ay powerful at influential businessman, kinasuhan at natalo, no problemo! Kahit paulit-ulit nang nagpasya ang korte laban sa ‘yo, mababaligtad mo!
To use in a sentence:
“The Supreme Court hereby rules with finality in favor of the Flight Attendants and Stewards Association of the Philippines. Not! LOL.”

Napocor vs. Bulacan
Bulacan Governor Willy Alvarado says there is evidence that Napocor’s decision to release water from the Angat dam caused the massive flooding in the province. The local government of Bulacan is now suing Napocor. If the case wouldn’t prosper, Alvarado is keen on taking “Pedring” to court.

After killing his wife, a 39-year-old Capiz native cut off his penis. Police described the first one as strangulation; the second, decapitation.

A man in Pecos, Texas allegedly hit his wife when she failed to “Like” his Facebook status. The wife retaliated by filing a case against him, and clicking the “Unfriend” button.

Goodwill Ambassador
According to presidential political adviser Ronald Llamas, the United Nations High Commission for Refugees is inviting presidential sister Kris Aquino to be its goodwill ambassador (for Asia) just like the late Princess Diana who, like Kris, was also popular, had two sons, and was married to a cheating husband.
“We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.”
~ Anonymous

Quote of the Week
“Usually naman nakikita natin ‘yung mga ambushes, ang dala-dala ng mga nang-a-ambush ay mga long firearms. So just to be sure. Nagkataon lang na nagkaroon ng aksidente, nakunan ng litrato, pero hangga’t maaari naman hindi naman nilalabas ‘yan e. Nakatago lang ‘yan.”
~Presidential political adviser Ronald Llamas

Move.Ph: The President’s Top Guns

Antonio Montalvan II (PDI): The people are not her bosses

GMA News: ‘Text neck’ a modern malady for gadget lovers

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

11 thoughts on “GUNS & GOONS”

  1. In a speech today goon-noy made a joke about llamas and his guns.
    Does he take nothing seriously. How despicable and how hypocritical.

    Oh, and i notice columnist ernest maceda in the star today, who is usually on the ball, played the guessing game – which cabinet member was given 25 million pesos by a foreign company for info/access etc.

    Why not name and shame the rat, or is this just business as usual.

    No wonder at least 1 cabinet secretary has just bought a 180 million peso house – not bad on a salary of circa 1 million a year. Maybe it is the same guy, but it shows that nothing has changed.

    P-noy just becomes the respectable and naive front man. A perfect puppet.
    Just like the mafia strategy of having 1 honest business to front/hide all the underlying corruption.


    1. come on now libertas, tell us who that cabinet secretary who has
      just bought a 180 million peso house and shame the rat…

      if maceda is hesitant to divulge the identity maybe because of fear
      for his/her life, you libertas have nothing to fear, we are hiding under
      our aliases anyway…


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