Satur Ocampo (In the Philippines): Sir, our comrade is dead! I repeat, our comrade is dead. Do you read me?
Jose Maria Sison (In Europe): Roger!

Gregorio ‘Ka Roger’ Rosal, spokesman of the Communist Party of the Philippines’ armed wing, the New People’s Army is dead. I heard Malacañang is now willing to talk peace with him.

The Communist Party of the Philippines has confirmed that its spokesman, Gregorio “Ka Roger” Rosal is dead. On the brighter side, the CPP-NPA is announcing a job opening soon!

Rumors have it when Ka Roger got sick, he stepped down as spokesman and was replaced by his No. 2 guy who’s gay.

Comrades hailed Ka Roger’s “contributions” to the “historic revolution” such as iAttack, iTorch, iRecruit, iAbduct, iAmbush, iCollect and iLiquidate.

Gregorio ‘Ka Roger’ Rosal, the spokesman of the CPP-NPA died last June 22. In honor of the deceased Communist rebel, the New People’s Army will torch three Globe cell sites and attack more mining firms.

Communist spokesman Ka Roger Rosal died last June 22. It took the CPP-NPA more than three months to confirm his death because of Globe’s poor signal in the Sierra Madre Mountains.

In lieu of flowers, the CPP-NPA is now accepting revolutionary donations.

Smokin’ President
Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda denied that President Aquino was allowed to smoke in his recent return flight from San Francisco to Manila as reported by a Manila Standard Today columnist. Lacierda is offering an Hermes bag as reward to anyone on that flight who could show proof that the President lit a cigar.

Lapid Debates
Last week, Sen. Manuel ‘Lito’ Lapid took the Senate floor to interpellate RH Bill sponsor Pia Cayetano. And everyone agreed – the action star’s first attempt at comedy was a huge success. Congratulations!

Envoy Apologizes
US Ambassador Harry Thomas Jr. apologized for saying that 40 percent of male tourists visit the Philippines for sex. The US envoy admitted he didn’t have the statistics to back up his claim. Only the experience.

But Sen. Loren Legarda still wants Ambassador Thomas to “provide the basis of the 40 percent” – prompting the envoy to panic and seek the help of 4 of his 10 closest American friends in Manila.

Nora Aunor
Nora Aunor has vowed to promote the Philippine Medical Association’s “Smoke-free Philippines” campaign. In totally unrelated news, Joseph Estrada has vowed to promote the Vatican’s “Be faithful to your wife” campaign.
“Communism is like Prohibition, it’s a good idea but it won’t work.”
~Will Rogers

Quotes of the Weak
“Very clearly, the moves to persecute the Arroyos are Palace orchestration with Lacierda as the principal crooner singing whatever tunes Aquino would want to hear.”
~Arroyo lawyer Raul Lambino

“(Lambino) just sang out of tune. He wasn’t listening to the melody and lyrics of my statement. So get a music teacher.”
~Presidential Spokesperson Edwin Lacierda

Last Saturday’s edition of #QUIZtion: a general knowledge quiz on Twitter, which I moderate was one of the most competitive in recent weeks. One word: kinarir.

Join #QUIZtion every Saturday night between 8:43 and 11 o’clock. Good luck!

Have a safe, healthy, and productive week!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

16 thoughts on “CONFIRMED!”

  1. Mr. Heckler,
    Ask Mr. Thomas what diplomacy school he went to. Talk about putting one’s foot in his mouth. The guy is such a lummox he would tell a child who had a single parent mother that she’s a whore. Unfortunately he is correct about sex tourists. I can attest to the fact myself!


  2. Idol PH, I’d like to thank you po for your tweet last Thursday night about the latest world university rankings ng Times Higher Education magazine, where walang kahit isang university from the Philippines (kahit ang UP nating mahal) ang nakapasok sa Top 400. Nagkaroon po tuloy ako ng idea what to write about. 😛

    PS: Sana po next time manalo na ako sa Quiztion ninyo. 🙂


  3. The US labor dept has just given 15m dollars in aid to combat child labour in the country.
    Malacanan denied that there is such a problem but said thanks for the money.
    Malacanan also said there is no poverty, no gays, and no sex tourists.

    According to a number of reports and NGO’s, there are around 800,000 prostitutes/sex workers in the country, so if no sex tourists then a lot of unfaithful men and very accepting wives.


  4. beh buti nga sa iyo harry, ako, even if the percentage is correct,
    he shouldn’t have said that to his host country…

    but in fairness to him, he paled in comparison to cheney, imagine
    saying nasty things against cory, long after her death? who can
    defend herself no more?

    next time, before we accept envoys, let them be drug-tested first


      1. yan din ang akala ko hikata, noong una but not anymore,

        imaginin mo ha, may isang beggar na bibigyan ko sana ng

        kaunting amount, aba tinanggihan at mga damit daw ang

        kanyang gusto..

        to go back, kahit si beelzebub pa basta pa drug-test muna…

        teka lang pala muna, sino ba si beelzebub hahaha

        regards to your cat-poster…


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