BREAKING NEWS: Amid criticisms, President Aquino is finally visiting typhoon-ravaged communities in Central Luzon a week after the onslaught of Typhoon Pedring. Now that’s what I call ‘climate change.’

The Department of Public Works and Highways has suspended the “overeager” employee who posted on Facebook a “photoshopped” image of three senior officials while inspecting the damaged Manila Bay seawall. While serving his/her suspension, the unidentified employee is required to take advanced Photoshop tutorials.

The DPWH has sanctioned its employee who posted a manipulated image of three senior officials on Facebook. To get even, the embarrassed officials requested that the erring employee be placed on ‘floating’ status.

Malacañang is thanking Filipino netizens for their vigilance. They just foiled what could have been the first “ghost project” under the Aquino administration. Good work!

The “overeager” DPWH employee who posted a “photoshopped” image of three senior officials on Facebook had been suspended. Worse, his Facebook friends have “Unliked” his personal photos they previously “Liked.”

A Filipino lawmaker is condemning masturbation saying it’s “the same thing as using a condom” and it interferes with the “natural process” of procreation. The lawmaker was identified as Pope Juan Ponce Enrile.

Senator Enrile says self-pleasure is the same thing as using a condom, a form of contraceptive that was first used in the Middle Ages some 12 thousand to 15 thousand years ago… when Enrile was still a toddler.

Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile is condemning self-pleasure. But that’s not surprising. When Manong Johnny was a teenage boy, the concept of masturbation had yet to be invented.

Apparently, Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile is against masturbation because it aborts life. Well, had he opposed the staging of a fake ambush in 1972, he would have saved many lives then.

Nothing much has changed. The Enrile of the Martial Law years and the Enrile of today – still trampling basic human rights.

During the recent Senate plenary debate on the Reproductive Health Bill, Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile stated that pleasuring oneself “is the same thing as using a condom.” Enrile’s pronouncement has prompted the Sangguniang Barangay of. Ayala Alabang Village to require its residents to get a doctor’s permit before they are allowed to masturbate.

This just in: Because of Senator Enrile’s views on self-gratification, Quezon City Councilor Winnie Castelo is reportedly filing an Anti-Masturbation Act of 2011.

Regardless of his controversial pronouncement, I still believe that Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile is opposed to masturbation in the same way Mike Arroyo is opposed to corruption.

Question: What do you call a dramatic movie in which the lead actor, an 87-year-old politician was forced to masturbate against his will?
Answer: A tearjerker
“If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.”
~George Carlin

Quote of the Week
“This is big damage for me. We became the center of attention. Our picture was played with. We even found ourselves in the Last Supper.”
~ DPWH Undersecretary Romeo Momo, one of the three senior officials in the controversial ‘photoshopped’ image

A Superman fanatic named Herbert Chavez repeatedly went under the knife to look like the famous superhero. Unfortunately, the transformation would never be complete. While he sort of looked like the ‘man of steel,’ he spoke like Lois Lane.

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Obey God.
Do NOT masturbate.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

(Photo Credit: Moon landing pic was tweeted by one of my followers.)

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler


    1. Juicemio Senior!

      Kaya naman nagkakaganyan si Senator Enrile kasi di na nya magawa. Ika nga, the spirit is willing but the flesh just can’t anymore!


      Pero bakit naman kasi pati yang masturbation ay kelangan pang ibawal? Bakit di nila intindihin yung paghihirap ng mga pinoys, at ipagbabawal pa ang pagpapasarap?

      For sure, di yan papayagan ni Pnoy. Gets?



      1. lets just say na okay pumasa na bawal na magtebats… paano nila huhulihin yun bwahahaha… sa sobrang talino natatanga na sila.. gravah na itech wai na silang maikokak kaya pati pagdedengoy ng sarili ijoin na nila sa baluktot nilang batas na butas… ambot!


  1. KJ naman ni manong Johnny! naku, abangan ko nga ang susunod na senate or congress debate-debate. i’m sure meron na naman eepal na mga lawmakers about masturbation and its relation to abortion, population control or human rights. baka meron pa maghanda ng powerpoint presentation or i-research pa ang history ng masturbation.


  2. abangan ko nga next na senate or congress debate-debate. i won’t be surprised kung maging major topic ang masturbation and its relation to abortion, human rights, population control, and the Philippine economy! baka may maghanda pa ng powerpoint presentation at major research pa ang mga lawmakers para iprove na ang masturbation ay interfering with the natural process of procreation. sino kaya ang mga pro at anti!


  3. Enrile should watch his teenage grandsons more closely if they are having too many abortions by masturbating. And maybe talk to them about it if he already forgot how it was to have these sexual hormones, He used to deal with these by paying women even when he was already married. Bu I guess that was not abortion unless he used condom or the women had other forms of contraception.


      1. p.s.muna ako paul, kasi, since, you’ve been side-commenting

        about my sexual impairment, of course naman, mayroon na

        talaga and there is nothing to be ashamed of, that is but natural,

        whereas before kaya natin ang 3times in one sitting hahahahaha

        ngayon ano na, nanghihina na ang tuhod at mga kasukasuan,

        itanong mo pa sa tatay or lolo mo na past 60 na…


  4. After his spokesperson intensely defended his “no show” at disaster sites as unnecessary, he showed up just to appease the clamor of the suffering masses. I suddenly remember Cheney’s biography where he recalled Cory’s call to the US president for the US Air Force to bomb the rebel soldiers regardless of the cost but specified that she would not publicly admit that she made the call. This is sincerity Aquino style


    1. i cannot imagine and i will never believe cheney…

      meaning to say, any president for that matter can just casually
      call the US president and tell him what to do?

      at si cory pa? a very religious woman?

      it’s just either, cheney is a liar or you are inventing stories paul…


      1. I am not a Catholic clergy. I do not invent stories. Go read Cheney’s and also Dan Quayle’s biography instead of accusing people of lying without any basis. As for Cory Aquino, Yes religious enough to deprive the tenants of Hacienda Luisita of their land and even killing them and of course restoring oligarchy to screw the lives of our people


      2. yes paul, i’d like to read the book, please provide me
        the title and the exact page ( i don’t have the patience
        anymore to read it from cover to cover ) where i can find
        what we are discussing now and i’ll try my very best to
        get a copy of it…

        as for cory aquino, yes, there maybe deaths during her
        presidency but i know paul that in your heart you know the
        truth, that it was never her desire to…

        and why is there so much anger, bitterness in your heart,
        is your family one of those affected?

        as for me, if i am in the aquinos’ stead, or if i am a landlord,
        i will not distribute my land to the tenants, ang swerte naman
        nila, but give them the right compensation..


      3. Never her desire to kill as long as she keeps her wealth and maintain the oligarchy. Land distribution is not a matter of choice by mandated the Comprehensive Land Reform Law. If you use the presidency spare your wealth from provisions of the law as Cory did, there is something wrong. Any form of social injustice should anger people unless you are a Catholic which thrives on poverty. As for the book, look for it and read it yourself before falsely calling people liars.


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