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OF MANIPULATION & MASTURBATION

4 10 2011

BREAKING NEWS: Amid criticisms, President Aquino is finally visiting typhoon-ravaged communities in Central Luzon a week after the onslaught of Typhoon Pedring. Now that’s what I call ‘climate change.’

Suspended
The Department of Public Works and Highways has suspended the “overeager” employee who posted on Facebook a “photoshopped” image of three senior officials while inspecting the damaged Manila Bay seawall. While serving his/her suspension, the unidentified employee is required to take advanced Photoshop tutorials.

The DPWH has sanctioned its employee who posted a manipulated image of three senior officials on Facebook. To get even, the embarrassed officials requested that the erring employee be placed on ‘floating’ status.


Malacañang is thanking Filipino netizens for their vigilance. They just foiled what could have been the first “ghost project” under the Aquino administration. Good work!

The “overeager” DPWH employee who posted a “photoshopped” image of three senior officials on Facebook had been suspended. Worse, his Facebook friends have “Unliked” his personal photos they previously “Liked.”

Masturbation
A Filipino lawmaker is condemning masturbation saying it’s “the same thing as using a condom” and it interferes with the “natural process” of procreation. The lawmaker was identified as Pope Juan Ponce Enrile.

Senator Enrile says self-pleasure is the same thing as using a condom, a form of contraceptive that was first used in the Middle Ages some 12 thousand to 15 thousand years ago… when Enrile was still a toddler.

Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile is condemning self-pleasure. But that’s not surprising. When Manong Johnny was a teenage boy, the concept of masturbation had yet to be invented.

Apparently, Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile is against masturbation because it aborts life. Well, had he opposed the staging of a fake ambush in 1972, he would have saved many lives then.

Nothing much has changed. The Enrile of the Martial Law years and the Enrile of today – still trampling basic human rights.


During the recent Senate plenary debate on the Reproductive Health Bill, Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile stated that pleasuring oneself “is the same thing as using a condom.” Enrile’s pronouncement has prompted the Sangguniang Barangay of. Ayala Alabang Village to require its residents to get a doctor’s permit before they are allowed to masturbate.

This just in: Because of Senator Enrile’s views on self-gratification, Quezon City Councilor Winnie Castelo is reportedly filing an Anti-Masturbation Act of 2011.

Regardless of his controversial pronouncement, I still believe that Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile is opposed to masturbation in the same way Mike Arroyo is opposed to corruption.

Question: What do you call a dramatic movie in which the lead actor, an 87-year-old politician was forced to masturbate against his will?
Answer: A tearjerker
———————————————————————–
“If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.”
~George Carlin

Quote of the Week
“This is big damage for me. We became the center of attention. Our picture was played with. We even found ourselves in the Last Supper.”
~ DPWH Undersecretary Romeo Momo, one of the three senior officials in the controversial ‘photoshopped’ image

Supermania
A Superman fanatic named Herbert Chavez repeatedly went under the knife to look like the famous superhero. Unfortunately, the transformation would never be complete. While he sort of looked like the ‘man of steel,’ he spoke like Lois Lane.

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Obey God.
Procreate.
Do NOT masturbate.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

(Photo Credit: Moon landing pic was tweeted by one of my followers.)

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38 responses

5 10 2011
senior60

hindi naman siguro kapanipaniwala na hindi nag aano

si enrile since birth, sa palagay mo etchos

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5 10 2011
amateur heckler

nyor, baka naman enrile was just misunderstood. maybe, (unlike erap), he meant to oppose “mass starvation”!

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5 10 2011
etchosera

Juicemio Senior!

Kaya naman nagkakaganyan si Senator Enrile kasi di na nya magawa. Ika nga, the spirit is willing but the flesh just can’t anymore!

Bwahahahaha!

Pero bakit naman kasi pati yang masturbation ay kelangan pang ibawal? Bakit di nila intindihin yung paghihirap ng mga pinoys, at ipagbabawal pa ang pagpapasarap?

For sure, di yan papayagan ni Pnoy. Gets?

Ayyyyy!

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7 10 2011
manong A

lets just say na okay pumasa na bawal na magtebats… paano nila huhulihin yun bwahahaha… sa sobrang talino natatanga na sila.. gravah na itech wai na silang maikokak kaya pati pagdedengoy ng sarili ijoin na nila sa baluktot nilang batas na butas… ambot!

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18 11 2011
Rico

oo nga kasi muka nalang ang “nagagalit” kay senor… 🙂

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5 10 2011
el gusto de happy mio

Enrile: i withdraw my statement, jacking off is a basic human right, besides gusto ko happy ka!

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5 10 2011
Anonymous

lol nice message el gusto…..

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5 10 2011
Lola Nila

ano??? ang pag-masturbate pala ay isang abortion…kung ganun, ang aking pulang lips at makipot na bibig ay abortionist pala, di nga? sen. enrile? kaloka ka 😀

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5 10 2011
Anonymous

Mas malala pa Kung ni lulunok mo pa….cannibal ka na… Hehehe

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5 10 2011
amateur heckler

a tearjerker! haha. thats a good one PH. but even if its not a dramatic movie, parang luha pa rin ang labas!

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5 10 2011
Anonymous

KJ naman ni manong Johnny! naku, abangan ko nga ang susunod na senate or congress debate-debate. i’m sure meron na naman eepal na mga lawmakers about masturbation and its relation to abortion, population control or human rights. baka meron pa maghanda ng powerpoint presentation or i-research pa ang history ng masturbation.

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5 10 2011
Anonymous

abangan ko nga next na senate or congress debate-debate. i won’t be surprised kung maging major topic ang masturbation and its relation to abortion, human rights, population control, and the Philippine economy! baka may maghanda pa ng powerpoint presentation at major research pa ang mga lawmakers para iprove na ang masturbation ay interfering with the natural process of procreation. sino kaya ang mga pro at anti!

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5 10 2011
libertas

The great masturbator – a painting in 1929 by salvador dali.

The great wanker – a senile senator

Urban dictionary
Wanker
1. A masturbator
2. An idiot

(take your pick)

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5 10 2011
Paul

Enrile should watch his teenage grandsons more closely if they are having too many abortions by masturbating. And maybe talk to them about it if he already forgot how it was to have these sexual hormones, He used to deal with these by paying women even when he was already married. Bu I guess that was not abortion unless he used condom or the women had other forms of contraception.

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6 10 2011
senior60

so, you believe paul that using condoms and other

forms of contraception is abortion…

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7 10 2011
Paul

Oh no. I use it everyday unlike Bishop Bacani who prefers it raw with his victims. How about you? Can you still do it?

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8 10 2011
senior60

me? what do you think?

at ikaw, everyday? ang lupit mo naman paul, pahihingain
mo naman si junior paminsanminsan man lang

tinagalog ko na dahil hindi nakayanan ng powers ko to
express it in english at ng mahirapan din si libertas na
makaintindi

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9 10 2011
Paul

What’s wrong with the word “penis” or “vagina”? Why are you afraid of a word referring to a part of your body. Is it your religion or a psychological impairment pertaining to some sexual phobia?.

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10 10 2011
senior60

hindi naman vagina at penis ang tinutukoy ko na i

cannot express it in english kungdi yong, ‘ang lupit

mo’ at ‘ pahihingain’

alam ko namang na gets mo ang sinabi ko paul pero

nagmaangmaangan ka lang, ikaw pa?

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10 10 2011
senior60

p.s.muna ako paul, kasi, since, you’ve been side-commenting

about my sexual impairment, of course naman, mayroon na

talaga and there is nothing to be ashamed of, that is but natural,

whereas before kaya natin ang 3times in one sitting hahahahaha

ngayon ano na, nanghihina na ang tuhod at mga kasukasuan,

itanong mo pa sa tatay or lolo mo na past 60 na…

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5 10 2011
Brixter

Masturbation is EVIL!!! Masturbators will burn in hell. bwahaha

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5 10 2011
Paul

After his spokesperson intensely defended his “no show” at disaster sites as unnecessary, he showed up just to appease the clamor of the suffering masses. I suddenly remember Cheney’s biography where he recalled Cory’s call to the US president for the US Air Force to bomb the rebel soldiers regardless of the cost but specified that she would not publicly admit that she made the call. This is sincerity Aquino style

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6 10 2011
senior60

i cannot imagine and i will never believe cheney…

meaning to say, any president for that matter can just casually
call the US president and tell him what to do?

at si cory pa? a very religious woman?

it’s just either, cheney is a liar or you are inventing stories paul…

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7 10 2011
Paul

I am not a Catholic clergy. I do not invent stories. Go read Cheney’s and also Dan Quayle’s biography instead of accusing people of lying without any basis. As for Cory Aquino, Yes religious enough to deprive the tenants of Hacienda Luisita of their land and even killing them and of course restoring oligarchy to screw the lives of our people

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8 10 2011
senior60

yes paul, i’d like to read the book, please provide me
the title and the exact page ( i don’t have the patience
anymore to read it from cover to cover ) where i can find
what we are discussing now and i’ll try my very best to
get a copy of it…

as for cory aquino, yes, there maybe deaths during her
presidency but i know paul that in your heart you know the
truth, that it was never her desire to…

and why is there so much anger, bitterness in your heart,
is your family one of those affected?

as for me, if i am in the aquinos’ stead, or if i am a landlord,
i will not distribute my land to the tenants, ang swerte naman
nila, but give them the right compensation..

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9 10 2011
Paul

Never her desire to kill as long as she keeps her wealth and maintain the oligarchy. Land distribution is not a matter of choice by mandated the Comprehensive Land Reform Law. If you use the presidency spare your wealth from provisions of the law as Cory did, there is something wrong. Any form of social injustice should anger people unless you are a Catholic which thrives on poverty. As for the book, look for it and read it yourself before falsely calling people liars.

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10 10 2011
senior60

please paul, have the heart, provide me na lang the

title of the book and page, mahirap ba yon?

kaya nga, if i were landed, i will oppose the comprehensive

land reform law eh, i will not obey that law, again, ano sila,

sineswerte?

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5 10 2011
Luna Miranda

LOL this is hilarious! i’d love to see that “tearjerker” of a movie!
oh, photo shop has made the impossible, possible. i’ll be looking out for P-Noy’s flood photos–baka naglalakad sya sa ibabaw ng baha!:p

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5 10 2011
Mang Pepe

Sorry My son you born without mother. Now I am a murderer and a sinner a million times.

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5 10 2011
6 10 2011
Paul

Many Filipinos will bear all forms of hypocrisy, incompetence and bloated sense of entitlement of the Aquinos as long as they are perceived corruption-free.

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5 10 2011
etchosera

“While he sort of looked like the ‘man of steel,’ he spoke like Lois Lane.”

Toinnnk! Soft spokening pala si ‘teh!

Gow ‘teh, Iladlad ang iyong kafa sa himfafawid!

Fly ‘teh…..Fly!

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5 10 2011
professionalheckler

nalito na ako. sorry. corrected na.

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6 10 2011
Khym D (@KhymaLey)

…WHAT CAN I SAY? …… JUST LOL OUT HERE…

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6 10 2011
tatiarashid

Sad how anti-RH bill people resort to such stupid arguments.

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6 10 2011
rojan88

ang kulit talaga ni manong enrile. hahaha. dapat magretire na kasi eh. hehehe

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8 10 2011
ovalboy

What’s next Mr. Enrile? Anal Intercourse?
We condemn this jurassic man’s comments on masturbation! The E-coli Association of the Philippines, together with my friends Anus Fonacier and Ralph Rectum we will not take this sitting down!

Like

23 12 2016
mikeaenlle

I wrote a review about his memoir. Read it here ===> http://elendara.com/index.php/2016/12/09/juan-ponce-enrile-memoir/

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