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LEAKS

5 09 2011

NEWSMAKERS were asked questions by ordinary readers through The Professional Heckler. I am happy to announce that those queries have all been answered.

Dear President Ramos,
Ayon sa inilabas na dokumento ng Wikileaks, tumanggap daw po kayo ng limang milyong piso mula sa pamahalaan ni Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi noong 1992 presidential elections. Totoo po ba ito?
Amelia of Bicol

Dear Amelia,
Nananahimik na ako. Nananahimik na rin si Gadhafi. Manahimik ka na rin! No comment.
Inis,
FVR

Dear former US Ambassador to Manila Kristie Kenney,
Tinawag n’yo raw pong mahiyain at unassertive ang noon ay presidential candidate pa lamang na si Noynoy Aquino. You were also quoted to have said that former President Cory Aquino had “weak leadership style” and that she’s “only a partial icon of morality.” Bakit n’yo po nasabi ito?
Mario of Zamboanga Sibugay

Dear Mario,
I want the Filipino people to know that I cried at Cory’s funeral. Just a minute, I have a phone call from Washington.
Sawasdee,
Kristie

Dear Ambassador Kristie Kenney,
Hindi n’yo po sinagot ang tanong ko. Tinawag n’yo bang lelembot-lembot si Pangulong Noynoy, at mahinang lider naman ang kanyang ina?
Mario

Dear Mario,
Unfortunately, my grasp of Tagalog is really bad. I cannot understand what you’re saying. Good night from Bangkok!
Kristie

Dear Fr. Raul Cabonce,
Ano po ang masasabi n’yo sa ibinibintang na rape sa inyo ng isang 17-year-old girl?
Miggy of QC

Dear Miggy,
Ako?!? Mangri-rape? Tingnan mo nga ako nang diretso anak, then sagutin mo ang tanong ko: ito bang mukhang ‘to ang manggagahasa ng menor de edad? Malabo!
God bless,
Fr. Raul

Dear Congresswoman Arroyo,
‘Musta na u ma’am? Headline po kayo ngayon sa diyaryo. Sabi po sa dokumentong inilabas ng Wikileaks, aware daw po kayo sa ilegal na aktibidades ng inyong asawa katulad ng smuggling at jueteng. Ano pong say n’yo?
Edwin of Tacloban City

Dear Edwin,
Kahit mashakit pa ang leeg ko, sashagutin ko pa rin ang tanong mo para matigil na kayo! Anong shabi sa Wikileaksh? Aware daw ako sa involvement ni Mike sa smuggling at jueteng? That’s a lie! Never naming napag-usapan ni Mike ang smuggling! Nunca!
Recovering,
CGMA

Honorable Rep. Mohammed Hussein Pangandaman
First District, Lanao Del Sur
Dear Congressman,

Narinig ko po ang balita hinggil sa panununtok n’yo sa isang guwardiya sa Quezon City last August 31. Hindi raw kayo pumayag na inspeksyunin ng guwardiya ang luxury sports car n’yong Porsche Carrera. Bakit naman gano’n?
Mang Bogart

Dear Mang Bogart,
I’d like to reiterate what i INITIALLY told the media: I was home in Eastwood at the time of the alleged incident. Maraming congressman ang may Porsche. Hindi lang ako! Baka sila ‘yong tinutukoy sa blind item ni Dax Lucas ng Inquirer. ‘Wag kayong mapanghusga!
Congressman Pangandaman

Dear Congressman Pangandaman,
Ang sinungaling ay kapatid ng magnanakaw! Nasaan ba talaga kayo nang mangyari ang insidente? Totoo bang sinuntok n’yo ang kawawang guwardiya? Kongresista pa naman kayo!
Mang Doy

Dear Mang Doy
‘Yun na nga eh. Kongresista ako! Kongresista!!! Sa tingin mo ba magagawa kong magmatigas at manuntok kung metro aide lang ako? Kongresista ako!!! Kongresista!!! Aaminin ko, I was there that night! Pero ‘wag kayong unfair! Naapi rin ako! Akmang bubunot ng baril ang guwardiya kaya ko siya sinampal. Magdedemanda ako ng harassment! Magdedemanda ako!
Congressman Pangandaman

Dear Congressman Pangandaman,
Pasingit lang po. Hindi ko na matiis eh. Na-harass ka pala, eh bakit ngayon ka lang pumuputak? Akala ko ba nasa Eastwood ka nang mangyari ang pananapak? Aaminin mo rin pala! Siguro si Michael Jordan ka!? Ang husay mong mag-360 eh! Pero bagsak daw ang guwardiya nang suntukin mo. So malamang si Juan Manuel Marquez ka! Ang taas ng ihi mo tsong! Akala mo kung sino ka! People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented! Magbago ka na!
Heckler

Dear Heckler,
Suntok, gusto mo?
Heckler

 

Dear Mr. President,
Totoo po bang si Iza Calzado ang latest na babaeng dini-date n’yo? Baka naman after a week, basted agad kayo?
Kinikilig,
United Leaders of Luzon (ULoL) Nueva Ecija Chapter

Dear United Leaders of Luzon,
Ulol! ‘Wag kasing kontrahin para ‘di malasin. Malalaman n’yo rin ang totoo. Sa ngayon, focus muna ako sa aking trabaho. Bagsak ang GDP growth rate eh; saka na ‘yang love love love na ‘yan. Kung ukol, bubukol. Si Mang Dolphy nga, 83 na bumubukol pa eh. Be patient.
Mr. President

Dear Ma’am Shalani,
Isa po ako sa dose-dosenang fans ng loveteam ninyo ni President Noy. Ikinalungkot ko po ang balitang nakikipag-date na kayo kay Congressman Roman Romulo ng Pasig City. Bakit siya pa?
Aling Filomena of Zambales

Dear Aling Filomena,
Marami pong salamat sa inyong suporta. Gano’n po talaga ang buhay. Kailangang mag-move on kapag natapos na ang isang relasyon. Ayaw n’yo po ba kay kongresista? Sige… mamili ka: Roman-Shalani o Shalani-Willie? ‘Di po ba mas scary ‘yong huli?
Honest lang,
Shalani

Dear Mr. Manoling,
Napanood n’yo na po ba ang ‘Zombadings 1: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington?’ Bilang dating censors chief, ano po ang masasabi n’yo sa pelikula? Alin po ang mas nakakatawa: ‘yong ‘Zombadings’ o yong ‘Dial M?
Enchong

Dear Enchong,
Truedis Liit! Funny Serrano talaga ang Zombadings! Awaaard! Pero mas laughfang pa rin ako sa ‘Dial M!’ Kahit mas maraming utaw ang watchina ng Zombadings, wit ko pa rin ipagpapalit ang ‘Dial M’ – public service and gag show in one! Mas awaaard!
Winnnner!
Manoling

Dear James Soriano,
Kung talagang mahusay ka sa iyong ‘mother tongue,’ isalin mo nga ito sa English: “Ang kuwan ni James ay maliit!”
Bonifacio of Tondo

Dear Manong Bonifacio, Herr Bonifacio, or whatever,
Yuccck! I don’t use ‘kuwan’ in everyday conversations! ‘Kuwan’ is not even a word in my rich vocabulary. Only my Yaya Budang and our driver, Manong Apolonio use it. But since you’ve asked, that’s easy. In English, ‘kuwan’ is “whatchamacallit.” If the term is alien to you, maybe you’re not learned.
Eeew,
James

Dear Juan Manuel Marquez,
Hola! Cómo está usted señor? Huwaaaaaat???? Umiinom ka ng ihi mo? Eeew! Weird!
Dyan Salazar of QC

Dear Dyan,
Hola señora! Si! Umiinom ako ng ihi ko. Anong weird do’n? Mas eew kung iinumin ko ang ihi mo!
Adios,
JuanMa

Dear UP Fighting Maroons,
You were leading by 20 pero natalo pa rin kayo ng La Salle by one point???? Naknampoodle naman! Ganyang-ganyan din ang nangyari sa game n’yo against FEU! Ano bang nangyayari sa inyo?
Isko

Dear Isko,
Masyado kang pessimist. ‘Yan ang tinatawag na consistency. Wala n’yan ang ibang team.
UP Fight,
Maroons

Dear KC,
Bakit si Piolo pa? BAKIT!!!!
Maryjane of Baguio City

Dear Maryjane,
Judgmental ka! Get a life, you homophobic b*tch!
Hmpf!
KC

——————————————————————————————————————————
“If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.”
~Kahlil Gibran


Elsewhere
Philippine Daily Inquirer: Philippine universities drop in world rankings–report

Philippine Daily Inquirer: Biz Buzz: ‘Gadhafi’ in Technohub

The Huffington Post: Two Face 30 Years In Prison For Tweets

You Have Spoken
Here’s something personal. Kumusta naman ang lovelife mo?
-Regular 47.66%
-Light 11.72%
-Zero 40.63%

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Have a great week!

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42 responses

5 09 2011
timpaul

Uy! mainit-init pa.

Like

7 09 2011
amateur heckler

JMM is this you? marunong ka rin palang magtagalog. I guess this is what they mean by “taking a leak”.

Like

11 09 2011
etchosera

‘Teh Ama, pasensiya na po, ha?

I’ve had sleepless nights kasi eh, dalawang araw ko na ring binabalik-balikan itong comment mo pero talaga lang sigurong mahina ang utak ko…..azz in wit ko talaga ma-getsina ang konek.

Intended to be funny po ba yan?….kasi gustong gusto ko pa naman sanang tumawa kaya lang di ako sure eh.

Sige na nga, makapag take a leak na nga lang muna habang inaantay ko ang iyong kasagutan sa aking suliranin!

Marami pong salamat.

Like

5 09 2011
timpaul

Parang may picture stereotyping yung tungkol kay father cabonce. Dahil dyan, ako ay magsheshave na.

Like

7 09 2011
amateur heckler

yan ang tinatawag na “ma-ginoo pero bastos”!

Like

5 09 2011
jjjjjjjjjoy

nagpapatawa kanananaman..:-)

Like

5 09 2011
danny

“Truedis Liit! Funny Serrano talaga ang Zombadings! Awaaard! Pero mas laughfang pa rin ako sa ‘Dial M!’ Kahit mas maraming utaw ang watchina ng Zombadings, wit ko pa rin ipagpapalit ang ‘Dial M’ – public service and gag show in one! Mas awaaard!”

…hahaha!! ang galing s gay linggo ni Prof.

Like

7 09 2011
etchosera - nagtatanong lang po

Naku Koya Danny, linggo talaga, ha?

Pag lunes o martes ba, di na magaling si PH?

Like

8 09 2011
pasingit

toinks!!
baka po kasi naglalaro sya ng BINGGO pag LINGGO!

Like

5 09 2011
danny

…e2 nmang mga kaparian na 2 masyado maeskandalo, kungdi nangmo-molestiya ng sakristan, nangri-rape nman ng kababaihan.

…calling CBCP… masyado na po yata kyong bisi-bisihan sa pakikipag-bangayan sa gobyerno against RH Bill. paki-asikaso ang mga kaparian. Ano na po bang latest sa nga Pajero priests?

Like

7 09 2011
Khym D (@KhymaLey)

LIKE 😉

Like

7 09 2011
ride24hrs

tumahimik na yata ang mga obispo after lumabas ang mga birthday gift request na 4 x 4 = ?

Like

5 09 2011
libertas

not even 1 university in the top 300 – no wonder it is idiots leading the uneducated.

Like

6 09 2011
senior60

ano kaya criteria for judging para sa top universities,

baka naman, more on the size of the school campus,

the hi-tech equipments used rather than the academic

thing, aba, ang gagaling yata ng mga pinoy

Like

6 09 2011
etchosera

Auntie Liling…. nuvah?

Para ka talagang UP Fighting maroons….. may consistency!

Like

5 09 2011
Charles

@UP-thing. Bukod pa ‘dun, quota na sila.

Like

6 09 2011
eddibumangon

“Truedis Liit! Funny Serrano talaga ang Zombadings! Awaaard! Pero mas laughfang pa rin ako sa ‘Dial M!’ Kahit mas maraming utaw ang watchina ng Zombadings, wit ko pa rin ipagpapalit ang ‘Dial M’ – public service and gag show in one! Mas awaaard!
Winnnner!”

Hahaha! Parang si etchos ang nagsasalita. Anong sey mo senyor?

Like

7 09 2011
senior60

uuuyyy eddie, ang masasabi ko, salamat at bumangon ka na

hahaha from your hibernation, ano, nag pinas ka din ba katulad

ni etchos noong ramadan? back to work na kayong dalawa?

Like

7 09 2011
etchosera

Flangganang butas Koya Eddi!

Balita ko nga, super na, mega pa entertaining ang julikulang Zombadings! Science nga eh! Di ko man lang na-sightsu! Fly back na kasi ako details sa desert storm after my hiatus sa aming providence!

Heniwey, witchiritchit ko keri ga-watch ng Dial M, noh? Aiko ma-sight ang mashoray na fezlak ni Lola Manolita….. Awaaaarddd!

Like

9 09 2011
senior60

uuyyy etchos, gallliiiinnnnggggg galing, sa post

mong ito, mother tongue mo na nga ang bading

lingo hahaha

si mister heckler papunta na rin doon hahaha ulit

Like

10 09 2011
etchosera

Juicemio Senior!

Wit ko weather ang mga mother tongue na yan, noooaah?

Puro award ang nage-getsina kez pag nasimula nang kumuda ang tongue ni Madir!

At least ako, pag gumana man ang tongue ko, sigurado ako, may makikiliti at masisiyahan!

Ayyyyyy!

Like

6 09 2011
senior60

parang dumadagundong na, oo naman, ang sagot ni miggy sa

tanong ni fr.

Like

6 09 2011
Anonymous

oh. you should have seen how the UP Maroons scored eight (8) big baskets in one minute. that’s 8 points to them against zero points to the opposing team. amazing it really was. final score 73-58 in favor of the blue eagles. at least huh, hindi more than 20 ang lamang. 🙂

go go go UP PEP SQUAD!

Like

7 09 2011
ride24hrs

die ard!

Like

6 09 2011
LEAKS « The Professional Heckler | Pnoy Talks

[…] Read more: LEAKS « The Professional Heckler […]

Like

6 09 2011
hikatalomato

now i have my indicators:
clean-shaven priest – batang lalaki ang gusto
bearded priest – batang babae ang gusto

Like

7 09 2011
etchosera

ayyyyy! punta ka dun sa aming providence Hika, masisira ang indicators mo.

Anything goes ang drama ng depressed (read: pari) samen! Saan ka pa?

Like

9 09 2011
senior60

alam ninyo hikata at etchos, mga guniguni ninyo lang

yang mga pinagsasabi ninyo, iutot nyo kaya…

of course of course, may mga ganuong pari talaga, mga

naliligaw ng landas pero iilan lang sila sa dinamidami ng

mga pari, pagpasensyahan na, mga tao lang, natutukso din…

pero ang dapat talaga sa kanila, tumiwalag na sa pagka

pari to spare the church from all the shame…

Like

6 09 2011
Anonymous

i love you heckler!:-)

Like

6 09 2011
libertas

aquino to US – “you should improve your intelligence”

US to aquino – ‘ you should get some intelligence – but obviously not at a philippine university, and learn some manners’

and a non wikileaks leak doing the rounds in diplomatic circles

UK to aquino – ‘ your embassy has said that you would like to visit the uk early 2012, following an invitation, but on the proviso that you are given an honary degree from a decent uk university.
1. we only give such degrees to people who have actually achieved something, and made a contribution to the world. yours is ??
2. all decent universities have said no – after they stopped laughing
3. we dont like blackmail – this is not the 3rd world
4. we couldnt care less if you dont visit. we were just being polite
5. by the way – who are you
6. have you ever considered studying for qualifications and working
7. whats wrong with filipino universities – in not less than 1000 words
8. try travelling less, and working more.
9. you sound as narcissistic as your predecessor, and look what happened to her
10. uk girls, or boys, would not be interested in a 50 year old bald bespectacled 3rd world loner. but the police would’

Like

7 09 2011
etchosera

Consistency is the best “honary” degree, di ba Auntie Liling?

Like

6 09 2011
danny

…at talagang hinabol ni Prof. ang tongressman boxer.

…swerte pa nga ung guard dahil hindi kasama ni tongressman ung ama at kapatid at walang dalang golf clubs. kung hindi, may bonus pang hambalos ng bakal si guard. pumapatol din sila sa bata.

…linisin ang kamara!!!!

Like

7 09 2011
hikatalomato

that’s what we get when we give these moklo political power

Like

7 09 2011
Taga ulan

Yan ganyang ugali ni kungresman ang welcome dito sa batangas, dito sya magbarako, tingnan lang

Like

7 09 2011
libertas

according to everyone mentioned in wikileaks cables, they are all paragons of virtue, never said such things and the cables may not even be genuine!
how despicable are these low-life.
just keep on lying.
what a lawless society, bereft of any sense of decency or morality.
no wonder the US sees the philippines as bottom feeders holding out a begging bowl and scamming their own people

Like

7 09 2011
senior60

o ano mister heckler, natameme ka,

ayaw mo ng suntok? hahaha

Like

7 09 2011
senior60

nasaan na kaya nilagay ni Lord si paul ngayon…

wala lang…

Like

7 09 2011
libertas

a gay pervert as a president
– a wife beater and wife cheater as vice president.
murderers and cheats in the senate.
so many crooks, thugs, and criminals in congress it should be renamed – a school for scoundrels.
last one to leave, switch out the lights

Like

7 09 2011
Hex Preshident Gee Hem Hey

Esus! Esus! Esus!

Very orrible naman ang iyong pangitahin!

Shobra ka naman!

Like

7 09 2011
danny

…Prof. napansin ko lng, bakit wla na sa mga ka-blog link mo si badoodles?

Like

8 09 2011
markpere2010

Hi, idol PH! Nagtataka lang ako bakit ang daming affected, lalo na sa cabinet ni PNoy, about Kristie Kenney’s unflattering comments about President Cory. Una, private views naman nya yun. Pangalawa, totoo naman yung observations nya. It has been seconded by many political scientists and historians. Unless Aquino fanatic ka, hindi dapat maging balat-sibuyas sa mga ganung kritisismo.

http://rightonthemark.wordpress.com/2011/09/08/why-condemn-kristie-kenney-for-calling-corazon-aquino-a-%E2%80%9Cpartial-icon-of-democracy%E2%80%9D/

Like

11 09 2011
etchosera

May tama ka dyan iho!

Bakit nga ba ang daming affectated, eh kung si President Cory nga mismo eh di na nagrereklamo, di ba?

Pero may tanong ako sayo… ano ba talaga ang naging reaction nung cabinet ni Pnoy…….bumukas ba ang pinto nung cabinet at naglaglagan ang mga laman sa loob? Di ba talaga siya naka-lock?

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