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JUST ASKING

19 08 2011

I THOUGHT I’VE SEEN the last of those letters. I was wrong! Inquiries from both famous and anonymous people just keep coming. Who am I to ignore them? So here we go…

Dear Professional Heckler,
Lagi na lang ako ang mali. Noong time ni Cory, ako. Wala na si Cory, ako pa rin. Ngayong panahon ni Noynoy, ako na naman?!? Pati ba naman sa isyu ng Dragon Boat team, ako ulit?
Nakakasawa na!
Uncle Peping

Dear Uncle Peping,
Anong inirereklamo mo? Eh ikaw naman talaga ‘di ba? Wala ka pa bang planong mag-retire? Sa totoo lang, ang baba na ng tingin ng publiko sa ‘yo!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
“Philippine Azkals: 0 Gold, 0 trophies, 5 TV commercials, 20% Pinoy
Philippine Dragon Boat Team (2011): 5 Gold, 0 commercials, 90% Pinoy
Sasagwan ka ba sa karangalan o sisipa sa papogian?”
Sincerely,
Anonymous Author

Dear Anonymous Author,
Dapat kang bigyan ng sariling showbiz-oriented na programa. Masyado ka kasing intrigera. Curious lang ako, taga- Face-to-Face ka ba? Bakit pinag-aaway mo ‘yong dalawa? ‘Tsaka FYI, hindi kasalanan ang maging pogi. Huwag na huwag ka lang pupunta sa Sampaloc, Manila. Bakit? Click here.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Did your President just snub me? Sad.
Wondrin’
Paris

Dear Paris,
Don’t be sad. Our President may have ignored you but our future president did not. You know.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Ayokong dumalo sa Senate hearing. May sakit ako sa liver. Baka lumala.
Worried,
Iggy

Dear Iggy,
Bakit? Ano bang gagawin mo sa Senado? Kakain ng street food? Kung wala kang itinatago, walang rason para ‘di ka dumalo! Ang hilig mo kasing magpauto!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
I was misquoted! I didn’t say that President GMA was advised to seek medical treatment abroad. Bahagi lang ito ng black propaganda laban sa dating pangulo! Bakit n’yo ba ipinipilit na sinabi ko ‘yon? I did not! And these cabinet men! They keep acting like hungry vultures humiliating their intended prey! How heartless! How despicable! How un-Christian!
Mad,
Mr. Lambino

Dear Mr. Lambino,
Tapos ka na? ‘k.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Pisting yawa! Buong angkan na ang nakakulong, nakapambomba pa sa Tacurong! Grabi uy! Ano bang meron sila?
Afraid,
Maguindanao Resident

Dear Maguindanao Resident,
Ganyan talaga kapag powerful. Ang tawag d’yan, “Remote Control.”
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Sangkot daw po si Mark Lapid sa anomalya ayon kay outgoing Tourism Secretary Bert Lim. Pero bakit hindi po siya sinususpinde o pinapalitan ng palasyo?
Why Kaya?
Concerned Citizen

Dear Concerned Citizen,
Siyempre naman. Bakit mo naman papalitan ang isang taong napapakinabangan? “Oo! Inaamin ko! Lapid lang kami! Pero maghanap ka ng Mark at Lito sa buong Pilipinas, Lapid lang ang may pisi. Lapid lang ang may pisi!” At mahaba-haba pa ‘yon!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Bakit ang mura ng bilihin sa Puregold na pag-aari ni Mr. Lucio Co? So affordable!
Natutuwa,
Aling Mameng

Dear Aling Mameng,
Sinong smuggler? Naku, Aleng Mameng, masamang magbintang kung walang hawak na ebidensya! Bawiin n’yo ang sinabi n’yo! Bawiin n’yo!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Kung paramihan lang ng presscon ang criteria, panalo ‘yang si De Lima. Pero 14 months na siya sa puwesto, wala pa siyang nagagawa. Kaya puwede ba, pakisabi sa palasyo, gawin na lang siyang spokesperson ng pangulo!
Hindi ako galit,
Oakwood Boy

Dear Oakwood Boy,
Hindi ka pa galit nang lagay na ‘yan? Saan ba nangagagaling ang poot mo? Dahil ba tumanggi noon si Secretary De Lima na bigyan ka ng amnesty? Malaya ka na tsong! Move on. Wait lang, ipu-forward ko sa Malacañang ang iyong suggestion.
Heckler

Dear Malacañang,
Attached is the letter of Oakwood Boy. Baka raw gusto n’yong gawing tagapagsalita ng presidente si Madam Secretary. Bahala na kayo.
Heckler

Dear Oakwood Boy through The Professional Heckler
Masyado na kaming marami. Besides, kung ipapasok namin si Madam, sinong dapat palitan? Si Ricky Carandang? Naku, matutuwa si Conrado De Quiros n’yan. But no! We’re okay. We’re fine. Thanks. Bye.
Sabik na sa lamyerda,
Attorney Lacierda

Dear Professional Heckler,
Hey man! Can you blog about the benefits of smoking? Believe me, there are a lot! And if possible, please devote a paragraph or two on the unlawful arrest of hapless smokers by the MMDA. That agency is trampling on the constitutional rights of ordinary citizens. Btw, where do I send the check?
Smokin’ Hot,
Felipe Morris

Dear Felipe Morris,
Ang kapal ng mukha mo! Just so you know, pinatay ng sigarilyo ang tatay ko! Nagkamali kayo ng sinuhulan! Hayup kayo!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Sino ba talaga ang orihinal na amo ko? Si Archibald Po o si Mike Arroyo?
Nahihilo,
Helicopter

Dear Helicopter,
Paanong ‘di ka mahihilo eh ikot ka nang ikot! Aba, ewan ko! Basta ang alam ko, nagamit ka sa panloloko! Laspag ka na, pero ang mahal-mahal mo!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Senador pa po ba si Joker Arroyo? Hindi ko siya nararamdaman.
Naghahanap,
Mang Kanor

Dear Mang Kanor,
Opo, senador pa si Senator Joker. Hindi n’yo ba siya nararamdaman? Kami rin.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Last Thursday, we were leading by 16 points with 7:57 left in the game: 51-35. Pero after the final buzzer, 59-53 ang score at tinalo kami ng FEU. Anong nangyari?
Nagtataka,
UP Fighting Maroons

Dear UP Fighting Maroons,
Kaming  loyal fans, sanay na sanay na! Kayo ba naman hindi pa? Naknampoodle talaga! Mga paasa! Hmpf!
Heckler
——————————————————————————————————
“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi

IN THE NEWS…
“Sexting” has made it on the 12th edition of the Oxford English Dictionary or OED. Thanks to the efforts of Tiger Woods and Anthony Weiner.

Personal
The Professional Heckler a.k.a. Loi Reyes Landicho is one of the finalists in the first ever #TattAwards: WordSlayer category. Online voting is ongoing for all 10 categories. Vote now.

Elsewhere
Sexting, retweet and woot added to the Oxford English Dictionary

Nine Scariest Food Facts

Have a great weekend!

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22 responses

19 08 2011
Victoria N. Navida

Mr. Heck, good job again….u made me smile….=)

Like

20 08 2011
professionalheckler

glad to hear that. stay happy po.

Like

19 08 2011
piya

brilliant!
Naawa na talaga ko ke helicopter,tuliro na
ang kapal naman ni Lucio Co ginawang helipad ang luneta! lol
sana magsabubutan ni trilanes at si dilema. saya nun! pareho kasi silang peeling. peeling mahusay

alae overkill na nga ang voting na yan pee eyyts, ay sya.

Like

20 08 2011
ajg

Another great post Prof!

I like ur response from Felipe Moriss’ letter.. nagkamali nga ng sinuhulan!

Keep up the good humor.. btw, my vote is yours! ,)

Like

20 08 2011
professionalheckler

hey thank u! 🙂

Like

20 08 2011
Levsky

kung ganto ba naman ang mababasa mo sa umaga, ewan ko na lang kung hindi sumaya ang araw mo!!

good morning ph.. now i’m enjoying my weekend!!!

Like

20 08 2011
Chaks

this is really funny! hahahaha! i want to know how you will comment to this post about philippine advertising.

http://youknowicanseeyou.wordpress.com/2011/08/19/my-favorite-advertisement/

Like

21 08 2011
tinacs16popular@yahoo.com

that post about philippine advertising is interesting. Mr Heckler, do you think there’s a chance that Phillippine advertising will ever be like the ones in US?

Like

21 08 2011
xin

hi, can you pls help delete my previous comment? i interchanged my user name and emaid add there, so my email add got posted as my name 😦 thank you!

Like

23 08 2011
youknowicanseeyou

thanks for this Chaks.

Like

23 08 2011
markypots

hi, i saw your post on Katy Perry too!

http://youknowicanseeyou.wordpress.com/2011/08/22/we-all-love-katy-perry-don%e2%80%99t-we/

Heckler, sulat ka din kaya ng funny stuff about international artists like Katy Perry, Adam Levine, etc. para pang-international na din!

Like

20 08 2011
xin

go dragonboat team!

Like

20 08 2011
danny

…hay, daming problems in d pilipins.

…christmas season lng yata masaya. kaya antay ko n lng un.

Like

20 08 2011
Anonymous

asa ka pa sa Tatt awards, weeeeeehhhh

Like

20 08 2011
Jack Guevarra

There you go! Joker Arroyo now on the news! FINALLY!

http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=718614&publicationSubCategoryId=63

Like

22 08 2011
tellis

Ang dapat itawag dyan sa helicopter ay hilocopter.

Like

22 08 2011
rojan88

hahaha ang kulit ng sagot kay Phillip Morris, este Felipe Morris pala, oo nga tama, sigarilyo din ang dahilan bakit na_ICU ng 5 days ang tatay ko, kaya ANG KAPAL NG MUKHA ng Felipe Morris na yan.

hahaha, ang kulit ng banat sa UP Maroons, ‘paasa’ so they are now to be called University of Paasa Maroons. hehehe

di ko yata nagets ung kay Mark Lapid, existing pa pala sya sa government?

thanks agaid idol, another great post 🙂 keep heckling 😉 dahil sa #TATTAwards ikaw na, ikaw na ang WORDSLAYER 🙂

———————————————————————————
http://rojan88.wordpress.com

Like

22 08 2011
real top

napakahipokrito naman ni anonymous author.hehe. nung uso pa ang askals eh go askals go ka tapos ngaun titirahin mo. hindi kelangang siraan ang askals para lang me sumuporta sa PDBT. suportahan lahat ng atletang nagrerepresenta sa pinas.

Like

23 08 2011
rojan88

tama hindi mga atleta ang dapat pinaglalaban kundi atleta versus mga namumuno sa sports commision na hindi naman magawang suportahan ang mga atletang pinoy para lalong magkamit ng tagumpay sa mga bawat laban.

Like

23 08 2011
youknowicanseeyou

i am seeing a lot of referrals from your blog. Thanks Chaks for posting.

Like

23 08 2011
professionalheckler

Thank u so much for dropping by!

Like

3 09 2011
acer9alhmar

From someone who used to be known as “the brother of Josant Cervantes” and lesser known as “the cousin of Andrew Marfori”, i second the motion! sanay na sanay na kami sa ganyang UAAP life!

kung di lang ako taga-UP, yung 2nd cousin kong si Reil Cervantes ang idedeclare kong kamag-anak e, hehe…

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