“I AM BACK!”

I AM SHARING with you now the final batch of inquiries I got through email. If you’ve got questions yourselves, do not hesitate to ask by following me @HecklerForever on Twitter. I will try to answer your questions as promptly as possible. Thank you.

Here we go…

Dear Professional Heckler,
I am back! You should be ashamed of yourself for peddling lies to the public while I was away, knowing fully well that I could not confront your lies in my absence.
Naghihimutok,
FG

Dear FG,
Bakit ako? ‘Di ba? Kasi tingnan mo o, who will tell me? Who will tell me? Really! Did you guys even tell me about those choppers? Wala eh. Nobody even bothered. Nobody informed. It’s as if you’re waiting for me to just do that: lambast you while you’re away. Dapat i-inform, iinform. I should have been informed. ‘Yon lang ‘yon.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Kapag hindi ako dumalo sa hearing, sasabihin nila, meron akong itinatago. Kapag umattend naman ako, baka atakihin ako sa puso. Ano ba ang dapat kong gawin?
Problemado,
FG

Dear FG,
Ang sipag mong sumulat ah. Wala kang ginagawa ‘no? Anyway, I’m sure, kahit dumalo ka pa sa hearing, meron ka pa ring itatago. You’ll freakin’ invoke your freakin right against freakin self-incrimination. What’s the freakin’ difference? ‘Wag ka na lang dumalo. Kailangan ka namin nang buhay.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Sino ba talaga ang may-ari sa akin? ‘Yong Archibald Po o si FG?
Kainis,
Controversial Helicopters

Dear Controversial Helicopters,
Para sa ‘yong impormasyon, ang owner mo ngayon, ‘yong PNP. Sino ang may-ari sa ‘yo? Mali ka! Ang dapat na tanong: sino’ng kumita?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Dapat ko bang ipa-feng shui ang Room 512 na dating kuwarto ni Migz sa Senado? You know, for good luck.
Padayon,
Koko

Dear Koko,
Ipina-feng shui na rin ‘yan ni Migz noon. Apparently, four years lang ang bisa ng suwerte. Hindi naman kasi hawak ng feng shui ang iyong kapalaran. Hawak ito ng election operators and canvassers. Sila ang dapat mong ipa-feng shui.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
After ng bakasyon namin ni Audrey, wala na akong gagawin. That’s what I fear most – boredom. Help!
Worried,
Migz

Dear Migz,
Since very close ka naman sa Team Azkals, why not try out for the team? Mestizo ka rin naman. Ayaw mo ba no’n? From Senate to soccer. Astig pare!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Do you know where you’re going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to? Do you know?
Answer me!
Senator Alan Peter

Dear Senator Alan Peter,
Talagang pinatugtog mo si Diana Ross sa Senate floor? Gano’ng level na ba ang mga mambabatas ngayon? I cannot imagine Senator Jovito Salonga trying to pull off the same stunt. Ang cheap huh!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
I never thought that a person of my stature would someday commit a stupid mistake and apologize to Mike Arroyo. Ano ang dapat kong gawin sa subordinate na nag-feed sa akin ng wrong Immigration info: suspindehin o sibakin?
Napahiya,
Madam Leila

Dear Madam Leila,
Itinatanong po ninyo kung dapat suspindehin o sibakin? Neither! Turuan n’yo na lang po ng tamang spelling. Ang tanga-tanga lang nila, sa totoo lang. Embarrassing!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Hindi ko na ‘to kinakaya. Kinasuhan na ako ng electioneering. My God! What is happening?!
Ayoko na!
Manoling

Dear Manoling,
‘k.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Nang lumabas ang aking interview sa “Showbiz Central” ng GMA7 last month, grabe ring insulto ang inabot ko online. Nilait-lait ako sa mga social networking sites. Nag-trend din ako sa Twitter worldwide at nasaktan rin ang aking pamilya. Pero bakit ni isa sa inyo, walang pumiyok at nagsabing may nagaganap na cyber-bullying? Bakit walang nag-raise ng isyu ng social media excess? Bakit?
Naiiyak,
Amanda C

Dear Amanda C,
Summa cum laude ka ba? UP Law ka ba? Dati ka bang opisyal ng University Student Council sa State University? Nagre-review ka ba ngayon for the bar exams? Lumusong ka ba sa baha at lumutang ang kotse habang eksklusibong kinukunan ng isang TV reporter? Kung hindi, ‘wag ka nang magtaka. Life’s unfair. I’m sure, familiar ka rin naman sa terminong ‘double standard,’ right?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Sino na po ang dini-date ngayon ng ating Pangulo? May update ba kayo sa kanyang lovelife?
Intrigera lang,
Tarcila

Dear Tarcila,
Kasi naman, pinansin pa ng media. Ayan tuloy, hindi na niya binabanggit ang lovelife niya sa kanyang speeches. Mag-aminan na tayo! Nami-miss mo ang tsismis ‘no?
Heckler
P.S. May alam ka ba? Itext mo naman.

Dear Professional Heckler,
Wala kaming incentives na makukuha sa government dahil ayon sa Philippine Sports Commission (PSC) hindi raw kami national athletes. Anong masasabi mo?
Champs,
Philippine Dragon Boat Team

Dear Philippine Dragon Boat Team,
Hindi man kayo national athletes, national pride naman kayo! Sabihin n’yo sa mga opisyal ng PSC, “isaksak n’yo sa baga n’yo ang incentives n’yo!”
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Kamakalawa po ay nagkaroon ng hearing sa Senado tungkol sa illegal trade ng mga tukô. Nagulat po ako nang makita ko sa TV na may mga buháy na tukông dinala sa Senado. Ano po ang unang reaksyon ng mga senador nang makita ang mga ‘yon?
Wala lang,
Aling Budang

Dear Aling Budang,
Isa lang ang naging reaksyon ng mga senador nang makita ang mga tukô. Sabi nila: “Welcome to the Senate ‘kapamilya!’”
Heckler


Dear Professional Heckler,
Your pathetic UP bias aside, do you think we could sweep the second round of the UAAP cage wars for a 14-0 win-loss slate?
One Big Fight,
Kiefer & Slaughter

Dear Kiefer & Slaughter,
Whatever!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Patahimikin n’yo na ako! Please lang. Ilibing n’yo na ako!
Nagmamakaawa,
Ferdie Macoy

Dear Ferdie Macoy,
Fault ko? Fault kong nasa freezer pa rin ang katawang lupa mo??? Sorry ka na lang dahil choosy ang pamilya mo!
Heckler
—————————————————————————————
“Falling ill is not something that happens to us, it is a choice we make as a result of things happening to us.”
~Jonathan Miller

Personal
Thank you so much for the nomination. The Professional Heckler is one of the finalists in the Globe T@tt Awards: WordSlayer category. You may visit the official site to vote for your favorites. Bahala na kayo. Malalaki na kayo. Sabi nga ni Zenaida Seva, meron kayong free will, gamitin n’yo ito. Mabuhay!

You Have Spoken
Umabuso raw ang users ng social media (Twitter, Facebook, etc) sa pag-handle sa insidenteng kinasangkutan ni Christopher Lao. Your take:
-Excuse me. We’re just expressing our views, our thoughts on what happened. 50.45%
-Agree ako. Dapat isipin muna kung ano ang ating isusulat o ipopost. Baka nakakasakit na tayo. 30%
-Sino si Christopher Lao? 19.55%

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Have fun!

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

36 thoughts on ““I AM BACK!””

  1. PR man are now working for Mr. Lao, they are trying to turn the table to media and Cyber people lambasting him.

    That guy is a stupid brat, who blames everybody except him. I tried to be proactive and understand his situation, but I can’t figure out why he ranted like that. Isipin na lang natin na kung Tricycle driver siya, or jeepney driver, or Taxi driver, sasabihin din natin na tanga di ba? Pero yung spin na binubully siya sa cyberspace, or sasabihin na yung reporter ay hindi responsible journalist, di mangyayari yun, dahil mahirap lang sila. Pero itong si Lao, dahil mapera, kayang kumuha ng PR man na magda-damage control, gustong palabasin na ang tumitira sa kanya ang masama.

    Like

    1. agree. this guy could have been an instant celebrity if he made a joke of the incident. he could have given a quip with self deprecating humor and people would have laughed WITH him. he instead became the joke. perhaps PH can make a blog about possible ‘answers’ mr. lao could have said when asked by the reporter why he crossed the flooded street?

      jun v. : why did you cross the street?
      (a) i was in a hurry because i was running late for my flight…i decided to take the float instead.
      (b) i believe i am a chicken.
      (c) i needed to have my car washed. (actually, i needed a good reason for dad to buy me a new one)
      (d) i thought i saw a politician drowning in the middle…i wanted to run him over to end his misery.

      Like

    2. absolutely true!
      i love our former dean, but i think his influence helped a lot in the gma retraction and the “outpouring of support”…ok mag babar nga sya pero over pa rin ang reaction to his cyber popularity.

      he should just have laughed it off and people would admire him sana for it…oh well

      Like

  2. …hahaha, manoling only worth a lower case single letter “k” to Prof.

    …at least swerte pa rin siya matatawag dahil worth pa rin siya ng space s blog ni Prof. Ang dami kaya naming nagbabasa na naging “captive readers” niya. buong mundo iyan mr. manoling, buong mundo. e ung dial M kungdi s blog ni Prof. hindi ko nalaman na may ganon pala.

    Like

      1. aba teka lang muna ha, mukhang tinutuhanan ni mister
        heckler ang kanyang sinabi na ‘as promptly as possible”
        daw ay sasagot siya, makasulat din nga (kahit bukas na
        lang din pala ang answer dahil tulog na sya ngayon)

        mister heckler,

        pakisagot lang sa mga katanungan ni alan peter, ty

        Like

      1. Jaena kuh!

        Kayo talaga…. wala na kayong ginawa kundi mang-intriga!

        ayan tuloy, pati ang isang katulad ko na prim and proper at walang kamuwang muwang sa mundo ay nakikisawsaw na tuloy!

        Pero sa totoo lang, kasalanan lahat yan ni Pnoy! Wala kasing guwapo dun sa Dragon Boat Team kaya wa siya weather sa mga reception reception chorva na yan!

        Pati yung tungkol sa nangyari kay Christopher Lao, kasalanan din yun ni Pnoy!

        Kaya, dapat lang talagang…..

        IPAKULONG NA SI GLORIA……. noh?

        Like

      1. etchos, yang mga gatagata na yan ay master ni hikata,

        siya ang palutuin mo pero ikaw ang mag kudkud ha para

        hindi siya mapagod, hahaha hay naku buhay…. ay may

        continuation pa pala, pagkatapos paki bigyan mo kami

        ni aling maura mo, di pa man, salamat na in advance

        Like

  3. Alan Cayetano has just shown to the whole world what “talents” he will show to win reelection sa 2013. Sana next time, local naman kantahin niya. Maybe he can try doing a Regine Velasquez by singing “On the Wings of Love” while on a harness in midair. Hay, lapit na nga ang susunod na halalan. Haha.

    PS: Idol PH, you’re really the king of Philippine online humor writing! Ikaw na! Idol forever! Salamat po sa inyo. 🙂

    Like

  4. interesting issue over the past few days (I think more than a week now), re: controversial art exhibit inside the CCP complex with a ‘dick in the face of you know who’…

    .. oddly enough, professional heckler has been silent all this time…

    … what happened.. cat got your tounge?… or is it the usual case of ‘un’professional courtesy’… kid gloves for people (who maybe) from UP…

    … true… you did feature in the blog about this moron Christopher Lao… but most of the ribbing came from readers’ comments, not yours… and he is just sooooo rich in unitellectual euphemisms for writers obviously not even half as witty as you are..

    .. maybe next time you can change this blog to The Selective Heckler… 

    P.S. – being atheist or agnostic still doesn’t cut it… after all, the artworks proponents are crying foul that politics in now involved – well within your blogs ‘jurisdiction’…

    Like

  5. ‘I’m back’ – but no chance of attending the senate – what a bag of wind – and the young thug has gone back to san francisco for 2 weeks.
    That makes 8 weeks in the past 3 months – all on party list business!
    I.e he is not even paying, and thinks people are as stupid as he is.
    So many filipino tricycle drivers in san fran. Lies and greed run in the family. Like mother, like father, like son, like snake.
    The cowards will buy time and then run – protesting their innocence, citing ill-health, and political persecution.
    The stolen money has left the country a long time ago so let them follow and never return

    Like

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