FYI

BEFORE YOU read any further, I would like to INFORM you that some of the items on this blog may not please you. Should you decide to read on, and realize later that this wasn’t amusing enough, please do not blame me, the bystanders, the MMDA or the reporter who recommended you this site. You’ve been warned.

De Lima Apologizes
Justice Secretary Leila De Lima apologized to First Gentleman Mike Arroyo for declaring that he did not go through immigration when he left the country last Sunday. De Lima lamented, “I wasn’t fully informed! It’s as if Immigration people were waiting for me to do just that: commit a mistake!”

Earlier last week, Justice Secretary Leila De Lima told the media that the Bureau of Immigration has no record of Attorney Arroyo leaving for Hong Kong last Sunday. In fact, prior to the discovery of the Immigration Bureau’s spelling error, the DOJ announced six new witnesses to prove that Arroyo did not go through immigration.

Immediately after learning that a subordinate fed the wrong information on Attorney Arroyo’s trip to Hong Kong, Justice Secretary De Lima apologized. To prove her sincerity, De Lima has placed the subordinate on the immigration watch list.

Justice Secretary Leila De Lima said, “If the first gentleman is seeking for my apology then I’m humbly doing it.” To which Hubert Webb said, “Eh sa ‘kin, kailan?”

Japan Meeting
A secret meeting was recently held in Tokyo, Japan between Moro Islamic Liberation Front chair Al Haj Murad Ebrahim and the new chairman of the government peace panel, Benigno Simeon Aquino III.

Reports say the President’s trip to Japan was unannounced and unofficial. It was so secret the Bureau of Immigration has no record of his departure.

This just in: Malacañang has denied rumors that President Aquino secretly left last night for Utrecht, The Netherlands.

Lao & Order
Much has been said about last week’s Internet sensation, Christopher Lao. The UP Law graduate has already apologized… earning praise from friends who believe that he could be Justice Secretary someday.

Campaigns
GMA News is promoting the responsible use of social media through its campaign called “Think Before You Click.” Meanwhile, the MMDA will soon promote the responsible use of cars through its campaign called “Think Before You Drive… Through A Flood.”

August Weather
PAGASA says two to three tropical cyclones are expected to enter the Philippine Area of Responsibility this month. Flashfloods and landslides are possible. People are advised to avoid low-lying zones, flood-prone areas, and Jun Veneracion.

The Christopher Lao Incident: How they reacted

President Aquino: “Kung puwede lang ho sana ay ibalato n’yo na lang kay Mr Lao ang konting privacy na natitira sa kanya.”

Manny Pacquiao: “Nasa Baybul kasi ‘yun. Sabi sa Mateo Kapitulu Katursi, Bersikulu Binti-Singku: Nang madaling araw na’y sumunod sa kanila si Hisus na naglalakad sa ibabaw ng tubig!” Now you know! Nasa Baybul sabi eh.”

Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri: “For honor and dignity.”

President Arroyo: “He did what’s right, he did what’s best, and God took care of the resht.”

Virgilio Garcillano: “Bakit?!? Inamin ba ni Christopher Lao na siya ang nasa video? Ang totoo n’yan… spliced ang video!”

Atty. Edwin Lacierda: “At the end of the day, what’s important is he survived the ordeal.”

Bishop Teodoro Bacani: “Kadiri!”

Atty. Mike Arroyo: “This is plain and simple persecution. You are persecuting him!”

Sharon Cuneta: “Wala pong duda mga kaibigan, he is the biggest loser.”

Kris Aquino: “Gosh, shocked talaga ako sa video. I was like… OMG! He’s kinda cute pa naman! Promise! Aha-ha-ha! Ayoko na ngang mag-comment. Baka mag-react na naman si James at sabihing malandi ako. Wait! Bettina, can you ask Boy if puwedeng iguest ‘tong Lao na ‘to sa Bottomline next week!? I swear, magri-rate to!”

Amanda Coling: “Hindi ko po sinasabing mali o tama ang ginawa ni Christopher Lao. Kung pwede po sana, ayoko munang pag-usapan kung anuman ang nangyari.”

Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos: “Dear Congresswoman Arroyo, Christopher Lao really needs a brand new car, possibly a 4 x 4. On his behalf, I will be anticipating your favorable response on this regard.”

Shocking Zubiri
Some people are still in shock after Senator Juan Miguel Zubiri’s resignation. Arguably, he was last week’s biggest newsmaker. What’s more remarkable was the fact that he made news without even trying to drive through a flooded street.

The Arroyos
Good news for the former First Gentleman who’s still in Hong Kong: his wife, the former president has been discharged from St. Luke’s Medical Center Friday. In even better news for FG, Mrs. Arroyo was advised to rest her voice for at least a week.

Suicide
According to a study on suicides conducted by Maria Theresa Redaniel, May Antonnette Lebanan-Dalida, David Gunnell, the most common reasons for self harm in the Philippines were family and relationship problems. In number 2 was the government’s anti-corruption witch-hunt.

UPCAT 2011
Some 70,000 high school seniors, perhaps the largest batch in history, took the UP College Admission Test. The five-hour examination consists of subtests on language proficiency, mathematics, science, reading comprehension… and just for this batch, common sense.

Overseas…
US President Barack Obama celebrated his 50th birthday recently. He started the day by personally renewing his license at the LTO.
————————————————————————————–
“Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.”
~C.E.Stowe

You Have Spoken
Ano ang reaksyon mo sa pagbibitiw ni Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri?
-Isang kapuri-puring hakbang. Mabuhay ka! 28.67%
-Guilty kasi! Graceful exit lang ‘yan. 50%
-Wala akong pakialam. Mababa pa rin ang suweldo ko. 21.33%

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Have a safe, sexy, and productive week ahead!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

27 thoughts on “FYI”

    1. i beg to disagree with this one, i don’t think so that the
      news network owe us anything, on the contrary, we should
      be thankful that we have them to feed us news, be it objective
      or otherwise

      and the feeling of being treated like an idiot depends upon
      each one of us, i, for one, doesn’t

      Like

      1. well, it might be high time you felt like an idiot, senior60.

        do not be thankful for a biased news. you have a right to the unblemished, untainted truth.

        “i, for one, doesn’t.” —- really? i hate to break it to you, but regardless of what you feel or define as idiocy, you are already one.

        Like

  1. Quoting : Umabuso raw ang users ng social media (Twitter, Facebook, etc) sa pag-handle sa insidenteng kinasangkutan ni Christopher Lao.

    Hindi kaya si Christopher Lao ang umabuso kasi nagpa interview pa sya sa news team. Yung iba nga na Chinese, pag hinahabol ng cameraman or media, nagtatago,umiiwas, sya harapan pang nagsalita at nanisi pa. Kung hindi sya nagsalita at nanisi, may makaka alam kaya na si Chris Lao yun?!

    Like

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