EX-SENAtor

SENATOR JUAN MIGUEL ZUBIRI has resigned. Or as the Senate Electoral Tribunal would call it, “saving face.”

Sen. Migs Zubiri has decided to quit his post amid allegations of fraud in the 2007 elections. Again, election fraud. Not sex scandal. Take that America!

Senator Zubiri has resigned. Lintang Bedol,1 ; Zaldy Ampatuan,1 ; Mike Arroyo, 0.

In a privilege speech Wednesday, Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri enumerated his accomplishments as a legislator. The public got confused. Was he resigning his post or campaigning for 2013?

A week after President Aquino’s SONA, Senator Zubiri delivered the SOMA: State of Migs Address.

After Zubiri’s privilege speech, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile said, “never had I thought that I would witness today a show of moral courage.” So did we.

Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile added it was the first time a senator has resigned under such circumstances. Actually, you had the chance Manong Johnny in 1995. Hindi mo lang ginawa.

Senator Zubiri ended his speech by paraphrasing a quote from General Douglas Macarthur: “I am not actually retreating; I am merely advancing in another direction.” Like where? Bukidnon capitol?

Before Senator Zubiri ended his privilege speech, he thanked every member of the Senate – from both the majority and the minority blocs. And then he realized two things: one, he didn’t really have any enemy, and two, Lito Lapid was still a senator. (Akalain mo ‘yon!)

After Zubiri’s privilege speech, “Koko Pimentel” and “Enrile” became top trending topics worldwide. Surprisingly, “Migs Zubiri” did not trend despite Mike Arroyo’s instruction to Twitter “na zero tweets ang dapat makuha nina Koko at Enrile.”

In a privilege speech Wednesday, Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri announced his resignation from his post. It was an emotional speech that began with the line, “First, I was afraid I was petrified…”

Audrey Tan Zubiri, wife of Senator Migs was quoted to have said, “I’m very proud of my husband. Pinatunayan niyang isa siyang tunay na lalaki at kayang gawin ang tama, kahit gaano kahirap.” She wasn’t talking about his decision to marry her, was she?

Sen. Migs Zubiri has resigned. Rumors say he will focus on his hosting career. His show “The Explorer” will be revived. But it will now be called, “The Ex-Senator.”

The Speech
What Sen. Miguel Zubiri told us
(And what he really wanted to say)

“My rival took advantage of this political situation.”
(Masyado kang atat maupo Koko Pimentel!)

“Sa harap ng Diyos at sa harap ng tao ay nais kong pagtibayin na hindi ako nandaya. At wala akong kinausap upang mandaya para sa akin sa halalan.”
(Kasalanan mong lahat ito Mike Arroyo! Punyeta ka!)

“Ang lahat ng akusasyon laban sa akin ay pawang walang katotohanan.”
(Next time, kung ‘di ako humihingi ng pabor sa inyo Ginoong Arroyo at Ginoong Ebdane, ‘wag kayong mag-vo-volunteer! Mga hinayupak kayo!)

“In my family’s almost 30 years of public service in Bukidnon, not once has our name been dragged in any election controversy.”
(‘Pag may dynasty, walang kalaban, walang dayaan!)

“Isang paglilingkod na aking maipagmamalaki na walang bahid dungis.”
(Kitang-kita naman ang pruweba ‘di ba? Flawless!)

“Hindi ako umabuso o nagpayaman sa aking katungkulan.”
(Ipinanganak akong rich. Fault ko?)

“Hindi ako nagkaroon ng maraming bodyguard o “back up” o gumamit ng anumang ‘wang wang’ kahit noong ako ay Kongresista pa lamang.”
(Wala lang. Nakiki-uso. ‘Yan ang in eh. Bakit ba?!)

“Hindi po ako napagod sa paglilingkod sa inyo.”
(Pero napagod ako sa kakasulat ng rejoinder sa columns ni John Nery ng Inquirer.)

“… without admitting any fault and with my vehement denial of the alleged electoral fraud hurled against me…”
(Malinis ang kunsensya ko.)

“I am submitting my resignation as a duly elected Senator of the Republic of the Philippines…”
(Masaya na kayo?)

“After all, I am a husband first before a Senator.”
(Ba’t ba ‘di n’yo matanggap na may asawa ako!?)

“And as I now pronounce my joining the civil society, it is my humble prayer that this Institution allows me to resign with honor and dignity.”
(After four years, delicadeza! Sa’n ka pa?)

Quote of the Weak
“I am submitting my RESIGNATION as a duly elected Senator of the Republic of the Philippines in the election for which I am FALSELY accused without mercy and compassion.”
~Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri

Helicopters
The former First Gentleman is being implicated in yet another anomaly. But his classmates and friends from high school are not worried. In their senior year, Mike Arroyo was voted, “most likely to get away with everything.”

Former First Gentleman Mike Arroyo has denied ownership of two helicopters that were sold to the PNP for $700,000. Let me guess. Iggy Arroyo’s?

Reports say the Senate will invite former First Gentleman Mike Arroyo to the next hearing… prompting the management of St. Luke’s Medical Center to prepare the hospital’s executive suite.
——————————————————————-
“Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected.”
~William Safire

Who is Christopher Lao?
As i write this, he is one of the top trending topics on Twitter worldwide!
Meet Christopher Lao, summa cum Laude, UP, BA Philosophy, GWA 1.169. USC Vice Chair 2005-2006
Classic ka! Classic! Tinalo mo pa ang Nescafé!
I just hated how you reacted man!

This just in/Aug 4,2011: Christopher Lao has released a statement. Part of his statement reads:
“I have been silent the past few days as I want this to go away soon but not before saying sorry and thank you to people who matter. I would like to apologize for my behavior that was seen on nationwide television and now on the internet.”

That’s what we wanted to hear. Apology accepted. UP Fight!

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: History of Senate resignations

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Enjoy the rest of the week. Have fun. Ingat!

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

38 thoughts on “EX-SENAtor”

  1. that’s what you called graceful exit…Good am PH!

    i was thinking eto ang paguusap ng Father and Son zubiri:

    Vice gov Zubiri: “I was once like you are now, and I know that it’s not easy,
    To be calm when you’ve found something going on.
    But take your time, think a lot,
    Why, think of everything you’ve got.
    For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.”

    Ex sen. zubiri:
    How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
    From the moment i could talk, i was ordered to listen ..Now there’s a way and I know that I have to go away.
    I know I have to go.”

    Kaya pala siya nagresign…hehe wala lang…#LSS

    Like

  2. “….Lito Lapid was still a senator. (Akalain mo ‘yon!)”

    Funny.

    If u think about it, had the filipino voters been more wise — by not voting for these non-qualified artistas (lapid, jinggoy, sotto, revilla) — it would have been a different story. bobo kasi ang karamihan sa mga pinoy. artista — ginawang senador. kabobohan.

    Like

  3. Give that guy Christopher Lao a break. He is not a public personality, it was just his bad judgement and luck that a mistake he did was caught on camera. It could have been anyone of us. Ok his reaction was quite irritating but so what it is not a matter of national importance. If it were me they’d probably have bleeps all throughout my video.

    Like

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