SUCCESS!

FORMER PRESIDENT Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s surgery was successful. It was so successful,the First Gentleman was reminded of the 2005 Batasan break-in.

Pampanga Representative Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s cervical spine surgery was successful. St. Luke’s Medical Center was quick to deny though that former PNP director general and now Zambales Governor Hermogenes Ebdane was involved in the operation.

The surgery that lasted four grueling hours reportedly involved placing implants in Mrs. Arroyo’s cervical spine. Asked to describe that particular ordeal, Mrs. Arroyo said, “It was a breast-taking experience.”

Hello, Garci!
Zaldy Ampatuan has spoken. Lintang Bedol has surfaced. Senior Supt. Rafael Santiago has spilled the beans. It could have been the year’s biggest blockbuster. Unfortunately, the fourth avenger, Virgilio Garcillano backed out of the project. Sayang!

In a press conference at his residence in Baungon, Bukidnon province Saturday, Virgilio Garcillano insisted that the “Hello Garci” recording was spliced… prompting former palace spokesman Ignacio Bunye to deny that he coached the former election official.

Virgilio Garcillano denied that he was in hiding. He was just running away from Anthony Taberna.

DUE TO INSISTENT public demand, I am reprinting excerpts from the purported bugged conversation allegedly between then President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and then, Comelec Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano.

(Conversation between a male and a female, May 29, 2004 20:43)
Female: Hello, Garshi?
Garshi: Ma’am?

Female: Shabi ko, hello Garshi! Hindi mo ba ako narinig!?
Garshi: Pizza Hut po ito ma’am.
Female: Ay shorry.

(Conversation between a male and a female, May 29, 2004 20:46)
Female: Hello Garshi?
Garshi: Pastilan! Ano bang kailangan mo? Pera na naman?!?@!$

Female: Gushto mong mawalan ng trabaho? Baka nakakalimutan mong ako ang nag-appoint sha ‘yo sha Comelec!?
Garshi: Ay sorry ma’am, akala ko asawa ko. Bale, mas mataas ho ngayon si FPJ. Pero pagdating ng Lanao, maco-compensate naman ho.

Female: So, I will shtill lead by one million?
Garshi: Parang ganun na nga ma’am ang lalabas.
Female: It cannot be less than 1 million, you know that.
Garshi: Pipilitin natin ma’am. As of the other day 982 thousand.
Female: Kaya nga. If we can get more from Lanao…
Garshi: May darating pa raw pong seven municipalities.
Female: Ok… ok Magpapamashahe lang ako kasi sumashakit ang leeg ko then tawagan na lang kita ulit.

(Conversation between a male and a female, May 29, 2004 20:43)
Female: Hello, Ben.
Ben: Hello, ma’am.

Female: Ano nang lagay natin? Mananalo ba?
Ben: Panalong-panalo ma’am! Pero kailangan nating pumunta ng Hainan para pirmahan ang contract with ZTE. Isang round of golf lang, aprubado na ‘to.
Female: Anong pinagshashabi mo d’yan! 2004 pa lang ngayon. Sa 2007 pa mangyayari ‘yan.
Ben: Ay sorry ma’am. Na-excite lang ako. Tatanong ko ho muna kay Bedol.
Female: Huwag mashyadong atat sa tongpats ok? Shige, will call you back.

(Conversation between a male and a female, June 10, 2004, 13:40)
Female: Hello, Garshi?
Male: Wala! Tulog! Umalis!

Female: Shino ‘to?
Male: Ikaw ang tumawag ‘tapos tatanungin mo kung sino ‘to? Helleeer?!!!
Female: I am shorry. Shiguro naman sha dami ng letter esh sa sentensh na ito, shuper giveaway na kung shino ako.
Male: Mrs. President??? Sus, ginoo! Pasensya na po! Hindi ko kayo nabosesan agad. Daaaaaaaddy, si Ma’am nasa telepono.

Garshi: Hello, ma’am? Sorry po, naglaro ng Snake ang asawa ko sa aking cellphone.
Female: Nag-usap na ba kayo ni Abalosh?
Garshi: Oo ma’am. Mamasyal daw muna ako sa Mindanao.
Female: May problema daw kasi sa South Upi. Iba raw ang pinroclaim.
Garshi: Hindi ho ako ang may hawak doon.
Female: Puntahan mo na. Kashi ang balita ko shi Fernando Poe gumagapang na naman doon.
Garshi: Napiktyuran ho ba habang gumagapang?
Female: Tanga! ‘Yong boto ang ibig kong sabihin. Masyado kang literal!
Garshi: Sige ma’am.
Female: Garshi…
Garshi: Ma’am?
Female: What are you wearing?
Garshi: Malaswaaa!
Female: Jussssh kidding! Tatawag ulit ako. Pumunta ka na sa Mindanao.

(Conversation between two females, June 14, 2004, 15:56)
Female 1: Hello Garshi?
Female 2: Sino Garci iyo tawag? Hindi ako Garci. Ikaw mali dial!

Female 1: Shorry, ahm, shino ‘to?
Female 2: Si Vicki ‘toh!
(Female 1 ibinato ang Nokia 7650. ‘Buti na lang sa sofa bumagsak)

(Conversation between a male and a female, June 16, 2004, 14:49)
Female: Hello Garshi?
Garshi: Ma’am?

Female: ‘Yong kabila raw, they’re trying to get the Namfrel copies of the municipal COCs.
Garshi: Wala ‘yon ma’am. Ok naman ang Namfrel sa atin. They’re now sympathetic to us.
Female: Pero does Namfrel match our tally?
Garshi: Oho.
Female: Sure ka? Paano ‘yong dagdag? ‘Yong dagdag?
Garshi: Ahm, we will get an advance copy para ma-remedyo.
Female: Ok, oo. Sige. Kumain ka na ba? Nagpahinga ka na?
Garshi: Sige ho ma’am, baka kung saan na naman mapunta ‘yan.
Female: Ok, ok. Shige.

And finally…
Female: Hello Garshi?
Garshi: Ma’am?

Female: Balita ko lalabash ka raw. Puwede ba nating pag-ushapan ‘yan?
Garshi: Nagbago na ho ang isip ko ma’am. Don’t worry.
Female: Ahhh, gano’n ba? Shige, pag successhful ang surgery ko bukas, may bonus ka sa akin.
Garshi: Sige ma’am. Get well soon po.
Female: Ok, ok.
(Conversation between a male and female recorded just last Thursday, July 28, 2011, 14:49)

Gecko Trade
The Senate committee on trade and commerce has begun its probe into the reported massive trading of tukô or geckos in the country. Among the invited resource persons were LTO Chief Virginia Torres and Kalookan City Mayor Recom Echeverri.

Tropical Storm
According to PAGASA, tropical storm Kabayan will exit the country on Wednesday. Asked if Kabayan could possibly return, PAGASA replied, “Depends on the offer of ABS-CBN.”

New Project
Nora Aunor is doing a drama series on TV5 and the network is reportedly looking for a leading man. Taking into consideration her “history,” TV5 is torn between Albie CASINO and Johnny Walker.
———————————————————————–
“A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future.”
~Author Unknown


Today in History
August 1, 2009: At the age of 76, former President Corazon Aquino died. And Noynoy Aquino’s political career lived.

Personal
To our Muslim brothers, Ramadan Kareem! Kul ‘am wa enta bi-khair!

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang ilipat from June to September ang opening ng classes upang makaiwas sa bagyo??
-OO. Dapat matagal nang ginawa ‘yan. 48.79%
-NO. Ok na ‘tong ganito. Puwede namang mag-suspend eh. 45.16%
-Pag-iisipan ko. 6.05%

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Have a great week ahead!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

21 thoughts on “SUCCESS!”

  1. …hay kawawa tlga ang Pinas s mga tuko s gobyerno. gagawin lhat pati pandaraya manatili lng pwesto.

    …sana silang lahat ibitin ng patiwarik pati mga whistle blowers (accessories) na naghuhugas kamay tpos lagyan ng maraming surot sa underwear pra makaganti ang taong bayan sa mga panlolokong ginawa nila.

    …pati tuloy si neck brace e sumikip na. naasar na yata kay gloria at sinasakal na.

    Like

  2. re: your quote for today mister heckler, kaya hindi
    nagpakilala si author ay sa kadahilanan na wrong siya…

    anong ” no future”, no future ba yung halimbawa lang,
    ma hatulan ka ng kamatayan, ay, wala na pala yun ngayon,
    ano na lang, habangbuhay na pagkabilanggo? malaking
    future kaya yan

    Like

  3. hala susme from 5 responses nagiging 11, yun pala ang 6
    sa akin lahat, bakit ba, where are the people in the neighborhood?

    and speaking of raket, naalaala ko ngayon, minsan nag apply
    ako kay etchos para taga templa ng coffee sa kanyang office,
    tinanggihan ako dahil may indiano na raw kaya hintay na lang ako
    kung kailan yun magbitiw, sana malapit na dahil hindi na ako
    bumabata

    Like

  4. actually marami ñor. here are some example:
    1. participate in tree planting activities
    2. participate in coastal cleanup
    3. initiate a supplemental feeding program
    4. collect children’s books and donate them to far-flung public schools in your municipality
    5. help secure funding for your local people’s organization (farmer’s association, fisherfolk association, etc.) by making project proposals.
    6. volunteer as resource person for seminars/training

    Like

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