ACCORDING TO THE PRESIDENT

SICK. Former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is still confined at the St. Luke’s Medical Center in Taguig City where she was admitted yesterday, July 25. But a reliable source told the Professional Heckler the Pampanga representative was fine. What happened Monday was just a “hospital arrest drill.”

This just in: Physicians at the St. Luke’s Medical Center have advised Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to undergo surgery to repair her damaged cervical spine. They also advised newly-appointed Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales to be patient.

SONA 2011
President Noynoy Aquino delivered his second State of the Nation Address Monday at the SMART-Batasang Pambansa Complex.

Looking dapper and relaxed, President Aquino delivered a 53-minute speech: no drama, no frills, no fanfare, no RH Bill, no Hacienda Luisita, no Freedom of Information Bill, and no economic roadmap.

Puwede na rin.

And for once, there was no joke about his love life. Congratulations!

Defying expectations, President Aquino delivered a State of the Nation Address, not State of the Nation & Arroyo.

Still, the President lambasted the sale of used helicopters owned by the former First Family to the Philippine National Police. Monitoring the SONA at home, the Arroyos exercised ‘maximum tolerance.’

According to the President, the present administration has uncovered anomalies in the state gaming firm PAGCOR. The biggest of which was the botched attempt to convert PAGCOR into Starbucks.

Reports say the President’s speech lasted 53 minutes. Or as former PAGCOR executives would say, eternity.

In an apparent reference to the rift with the Chinese over the Spratly Islands, President Aquino said, “Ang sa Pilipinas ay sa Pilipinas!” And Harry K. Thomas was like, “That’s mah boy!”

President Aquino declared, “Our message to the world is clear: What is ours is ours.” In short, we, Filipinos are not afraid of you, we will not be cowed, and we will fight to the end. I hope that’s clear… Vietnam!

The President said, “Our message to the world is clear: What is ours is ours.” At that moment, the Chinese ambassador called Beijing and said, “Melon ba iskedyul sunod bitay drug mule? Huwak kayo bagal. Ako inip na.”

The President added, “Kapag tumapak ka sa Recto Bank, para ka na ring tumapak sa Recto Avenue.” Tama! Lalo na kapag malakas ang ulan.

In his SONA, President Aquino extended the olive branch to the bishops! Talk about saving Margie Juico’s ass!

President Aquino thanked Roman Catholic bishops and priests in his speech. Say goodbye to the RH Bill!

President Aquino also called on Filipinos “to unite for progress.” To which Filipinos replied, “Samar & Balay first.”

The President said, “If you see something right, do not think twice—praise it.” After the SONA, some people approached Sen. Gringo Honasan and praised him.

President Aquino added, “If you see a policeman directing traffic, go to him and say, ‘Thank you.’” But better be ready with a valid excuse for violating laws on jaywalking.

He also said, “Before you leave school for home, approach your teacher who chose to invest in your future—say, ‘Thank you.’” But never, ever say “No, thanks” to her ‘special tocino.’

The President also advised, “If you chance upon your local leader on a road that was once riddled with holes, but is now smooth and sturdy—go to him and say, ‘Thank you, for the change you have brought.’” But never, ever add, “Magkano ba’ng kinita nating komisyon sir?”

On Negativism
“Let us stop pulling our fellow man down.” – Sabi ni Erap: “Ako ‘yon!”
“Let us put an end to our crab mentality.” – Sabi ni Gloria: “Shino ‘yon?”
“Let us make the effort to recognize the good that is being done.” – Sabi ni Noynoy: “Ehem.”

The President promised to include in his agenda the development of PTV Channel 4. Take that IBC 13!

President Aquino vowed to develop government station PTV 4. Sorry to disappoint you Manoling Morato but there’s no truth to rumors that Dial M will be revived.

Briefly Noted: President Aquino’s speech was interrupted 48 times by guests applauding… and twice by coughing.

Reacting to the President’s State of the Nation Address, Senator Pia Cayetano said, “Nagustuhan ko sana kung mas may lalim.” Apparently, Pia missed that part where the President mentioned “West Philippine Sea.”

Senator Juan Miguel Zubiri did not attend President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address… which I believe, was a wrong decision since Monday’s SONA could probably be his last as a member of the Senate.

Trivia: President Noynoy Aquino was the first Philippine president to deliver his SONA entirely in Filipino. So, to the President’s critics who insist that he has not accomplished or achieved anything at all, take that!

Word of the Week
WANG-WANG: Anything nega.
To use in sentences:
– Dahil sa kaka-wang-wang sa pera ng bayan, winangwang ng karamdaman ang dating pangulo.
– “Tara sa Pagcor, coffee tayo.” “Ayoko nga! ‘Yong perang ipinambili n’yan, winangwang mula sa pondo ng gobyerno!”
– Sa kabila ng kanyang pag-iyak sa telebisyon, marami ang naniniwalang hindi winangwang ng ilang members ng Team Azkals si Amanda Coling.
——————————————————————
“When you make speeches, you elicit expectations against which you will be held accountable.”
~Bill Bradley

Quote of the Weak
“I look like a garden!”
~Pampanga Fourth District Rep. Anna York Bondoc describing her SONA 2011 attire

Elsewhere
President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address both in Filipino and in English

SONA 2011 Fashion: Soaring or Boring?

Philippine Daily Inquirer: LeBron James’ agents asked for $600,000 to play in Manila

Stay safe! Enjoy the rest of the week!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

66 thoughts on “ACCORDING TO THE PRESIDENT”

    1. Dahon ng talampunay ang kelangan nya. Pakuluan nya tapos inumin. Wag ding itapon ang pinakuluang dahon, ilagay nya sa bumbunan nya, effective hair grower yan, pramis…..para madagdagan naman ang labintatlong natitirang buhok nya.

      O di ba? It’s like hitting two balls and one bird at the same time.

      Saan ka pa?

      Like

  1. …hay, sana lng maka-move on na ang aming mahal na presidente ng Pilipinas at magsimula nang mag-lay out ng solid at structured foundation ng kaniyang mga economic recovery programs.

    …tutal nman law will always take its course pra panagutin, kung meron mang dapat managot, ang lahat ng mga may kasalanan. tignan nyo nga si PGMA nagkakasakit na sa kakaisip sa mga demanda laban sa kaniya.

    Like

  2. Ang angas naman po ng agents ni LBJ to ask for $600K just to play here in Manila. Bakit, has he ever won an NBA title? I’m sure even those living in Cleveland will not even pay a dime to see him. 😛

    Naaalala ko pa po yung sunod-sunod na TV ads ni Efraim Genuino dati for Batang Iwas Droga. Akala ko po project yun ng PAGCOR, yun pala, party-list na sya pa yata ang nominee. Isa pang kapal-muks!

    http://rightonthemark.wordpress.com/ 🙂

    Like

  3. manila was declared a fahion disaster zone as the criminals and corrupt displayed their wealth – of bad taste and lack of style.
    another sona – another fashion parade, but both lacked dtyle and substance – except for kris aquino who had substance aplenty, especially around the hips.

    Like

  4. One particularly narcissistic senator had a stylist with her as she changed morning,afternoon and evening.
    All the make up she needs is not eco-friendly.
    What a cocoon life is in the senate/makati.
    Devoid of any intellect, any interest and any sense of reality.
    Just keep on stealing from decent hard working people

    Like

      1. no amount of declaration from you that you are a man
        will make me believe that you are a man because only
        a woman can write the way you write, you have this habit
        of writing lengthy posts which needs patience that is a
        characteristic of a woman and yes, you are fond of making
        gossips, mostly about women except your favorite pacquiao,
        which is unmanly…

        Like

  5. Juicemio ‘Teh!

    Bilib din ako sa pagka-consistent mo. Mula pa nung anon ka pa lang, hanggang ngayong libertas ka na, ganun at ganun pa rin….puro ka angst!

    Angst pait pait! Di kaya epekto yan ng pagtatrabaho mo ng 20 hours a day noon?

    Hala, makauwi na nga, aikonang mag-OT! Baka matulad ako sayo!

    Like

    1. Looking at how miserable many Filipinos are which is in stark contrast to the lavish lives of their national and local leaders, I assume most if not all of them should feel bad on how the past and present government was or is treating them. But apparently many are just completely happy over this abuse or just work abroad to get away from it.

      Like

  6. Napabalita noon na gustong bilhin ni Ramon Ang yung PAGCOR. Hindi kaya yung current scandals/issues involving PAGCOR is just another spin job to portray it as one of the most anomalous/corrupt agencies. Tapos biglang sasabihin na buti pa ibenta/privatize nalang yan.
    Just asking…

    Like

  7. hahahaha ang kulit nito ‘President Noynoy Aquino delivered his second State of the Nation Address Monday at the SMART-Batasang Pambansa Complex.’ Pati pala batasan sinakop na ni MVP, baka kalaunan ang RP hindi na Republic of the Philippines, Republic of Pangilinan na. hahaha. Thanks kay MVP for bringing Kobe, Derrick Rose, Kevin Durant in the Philippines, pero I really dont like his power tripping ego na mamili ng mga kumpanya na parang namimili lng ng damit.

    http://rojan88.wordpress.com

    Like

    1. Talaga po?

      Napakahalaga po nitong information na ito. Sana naman po, mabasa ito ng PNP at NBI. Malaking tulong po talaga ito. Baka po maya maya lang eh mag-mobilize na sila ng kanilang mga tauhan para nga mapigilan ang pagpasok na ito ni Gloria sa St. Luke’s.

      Marami pong salamat sa mga taong tulad mo na may malasakit sa katiwasayan ng ating lipunan.

      Mabuhay po kayo!

      Like

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