OPENING LINES


Top 15 Rejected State of the Nation Address Opening Lines

No. 15: “Bago ako magsimula… I am not under oath, am i?”

No. 14: “Ayaw na ayaw kong kayo ay nasasaktan. Kaya pinapangunahan ko na kayo: walang masyadong laman ang aking talumpati.”

No. 13: “For a change, ang State of the Nation ay ihahatid sa atin ngayong hapon ng isang taong matagal ko nang hinahangaan. Mga kababayan… Ms. Jessica Soho!”

No. 12: “Sorry to disappoint you. Wala akong baong joke tungkol sa aking buhay-pag-ibig.”

No. 11: “I’d like to acknowledge the presence of the distuinguished members of the Philippine Senate! Good afternoon to all of you especially to my future brother-in-law Francis Escudero. Pare, bahala ka na sa kapatid ko! Ikaw na lang ang umintindi!”

No. 10: “Let us show the world that Filipinos are a united people. Para matiyak na magti-trend worldwide ang speech ko ngayong hapon, use #SONA as hashtag on Twitter. Thank you.”

No. 9: “Lahat ng present sa joint session ngayong hapon ay automatikong kasama sa ating special raffle! At stake: ang pitong second-hand na SUVs na ibinalik ng mga obispo.”

No. 8: “Let us offer a moment of silence for the demise of my so-called lovelife.”

No. 7: “Kasama natin ngayong hapon ang tatlong ‘Bangkang Papel Boys’ na unang iniharap sa inyo ng nakaraang administrasyon! Sa araw na ito, opisyal kong inilulunsad ang masusing imbestigasyon upang alamin kung totoong may bangkang papel na ipinaanod sa Ilog Pasig ang mga batang ito patungong Malacañang. Mananagot sa batas ang mga sinungaling!”

No. 6: “Wala na ang Porsche ko! Palakpak naman d’yan!”

No. 5: “Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest of honor this afternoon… Kobe Bryant! Kobe! Kobe! Kobe!”

No. 4: “To Congresswoman Arroyo  and her lawyer, Attorney Raul Lambino, I hope you’re watching. Enjoy!”

No. 3: “Hello! Kumusta kayong lahat?”

No. 2: “Garci, if you’re listening, nakikiusap ako sa ‘yo. Bawasan mo naman ang asking price mo. Hindi kaya ng budget namin eh.”

And the No. 1 rejected State of the Nation Address opening line…

“Hindi na ako magpapaliguy-ligoy pa. Narito ang mahabang listahan ng mga kasalanan ni Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo at ng nakaraang administrasyon… ”
————————————————————-
“George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles.”
~Author Unknown

You Have Spoken
Naniniwala ba kayong hawak na ng pamahalaan si Virgilio Garcillano?
-Oo naman! Planado ang galaw ng mga ‘yan. 31.86%
-Hindi naman siguro. Baka nagtatago pa. 11.76%
-Hintayin na lang natin. ‘Wag masyadong atat. 56.37%

Personal
Thank you MVP for bringing Kobe Bryant, Derek Fisher, and the rest of the NBA stars to the Philippines! Awesome! Just awesome!

In Memoriam
Amy Winehouse, 27
14 September 1983 — 23 July 2011

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Have a safe and great week ahead!

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

39 thoughts on “OPENING LINES”

      1. don’t your remember senior? anon is based in europe and rubs elbows with the elite and the intellectuals (i would suppose card carrying members of mensa too). i’m just envious. i hope i can shake the hand of the hand that shook the hands of a celebrity.

        Like

  1. mister heckler, naiintriga lang talaga, true ba na may asking
    price sina bedol at garci? kasi, parang you’re insinuating eh,
    yun bang true nga but in the form of heckling?

    sana man lang magka reaction ka ulit, violent or not, like the
    first time, though, that was a long time ago

    Like

  2. Sona
    ‘Tax evaders worry not.
    The ligots, garcia’s are safe. It was all smoke and mirrors to make the lazy sods in the senate look good.
    Look at villarici – pawn or porn king – i dont know which, but 22 million owed in taxes and we let him go for 300k bail. I.e. it will never reach court in my lifetime so let him bribe the next govt. at least that will not be mine. That is the one truth i can say in my sona’

    Ps – my helicopter is available to willing reporters – is the sex bomb from singapore here. If so she can ride my chopper anytime.

    Like

  3. Sona

    ‘ you are my bosses so thank you for making me, the cojuangco clan, and the queen of all endorsers so much richer in the last 12 months.
    This is the basis of aquinoeconomics. I and my kkk get richer – you get poorer but are too subservient to even complain. Communism meets feudalism wrapped up in an american model of politics that none of us can understand. Enrile has tried for 50 years and still doesnt have a clue about democracy, so what hope for the rest of you – no hope – so just suck it up and shut up.
    Be thankful that the arroyos, marcoses, estradas, failed actresses and brain dead boxers are deciding your future. That is chinese democracy. Any idiot with money can buy a cash machine in politics and in the process make us the basket case of asia and the laughing stock of the world, with me as the circus clown. It makes me feel like ronald mcdonald – thats a step up from class clown at college.
    Go and celebrate your good luck with a san miguel beer, some god awful goldilocks product and a jolibee.
    And dont worry about the future. My chinese relatives will sort it out, and i will be retired as a hero just like marcos and arroyo. Amazing how every president is a hero whether they murder, plunder, or just do nothing. Idiots deserve what they get, or for 70% of the population what they dont get. Hehe
    Anyone want a date
    See you next year.
    Must go. The presidential helicopter awaits. Musn’t get too close to the great unwashed’

    Like

  4. muna amateur, tuwing makita ko username mo, lagi kong
    naalaala ang isang patimpalak dito sa atin ( di ba bisaya
    ka rin? ) ang, amateur hour singing contest, wala lang…

    based in europe si anon? akala ko nandito lang siya pero
    out of the country most of the time, vacationing, having the
    time of her life…

    mabuti pa kaya try natin tanungin siya mismo, sasagot yon,
    yan ay kung mag backread pa siya, sige nga…

    anon, once and for all, where is your permanent address,
    here or there…

    Like

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