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“A BRAND NEW CAR!”

6 07 2011

HERE’S A COPY OF THE LETTER sent to then President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo by Butuan Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos asking for a birthday gift. Note: Alleged original draft of the letter in parentheses.

February 2009

HER EXCELLENCY GLORIA MACAPAGAL-ARROYO
President, Republic of the Philippines
Malacañang Palace
Manila

Dear Madam President,
(Hello Friendship)

I will be celebrating my 66th birthday on March 8, 2009. (Obvious ba kung ano ang pakay ng aking liham?)

I know this will be a precious day and timely occasion to thank the Lord for giving me another year. (Tiba-tiba na naman! Babaha na naman ng regalo mula sa mga sipsip na pulitiko.)

After a prayerful discernment and due considerations to the existing crisis phenomenon today…
(Ang dami kasing imoral eh kaya minamalas ang Pilipinas!)

I have decided not to hold a birthday party.
(Nagda-diet ako. Gusto kong magka-abs para maisuot ko naman ang binili kong tight-fit shirt.)

Instead, I prefer to make use of my birthday as a day with and for myself, and with God.
(Nag-day off ang kasambahay kong si Milagring. May date ang paborito kong sacristan na si Tomas. Nag-iisa ako dito. No choice.)

Having been declared, awarded and honored from your good office as ‘Peace Champion of Caraga…’
(In fairness to me, I did not expect the award. At lalong hindi ko binili. Although, yeah, I prayed hard for it.)

I am grateful to God that He has made me an instrument of His peace, especially here in Mindanao.
(Take that Sara Duterte!)

I know I can do more to promote and work for peace.
(Basta suportado natin ang isa’t isa, walang problema!)

It is in this view that I am asking a favor from your Excellency.
(Kapag tumanggi, mapupunta sa impyerno.)

At present, I really need a brand-new car, possibly a 4 x 4, which I can use to reach the far-flung areas of Caraga.
(Inuulit ko, bagong kotse! 4 x 4! No more, no less. Choosy ako eh, bakit ba?)

I hope you will never fail to give a brand new car which would serve as your birthday gift to me.
(Sawang-sawa na ako sa padala mong flowers at birthday cake taun-taon. For a change, kotse naman!)

For your information, I have with me a 7-year-old car which is not anymore in good running condition.
(Halos dalawang termino ka na, wala pa akong napapala sa ‘yo. Manhid!)

Therefore, this needs to be replaced very soon.
(Now na!)

I am anticipating your favorable response on this regard.
(Huwag na huwag mong hihindian ang birthday wish ko kung ayaw mong siraan kita sa mga kasama kong obispo!)

Thank you very much.
(Pasalamat ka at divided ang CBCP! Kung hindi, naku…)

Be assured of my constant support and sincerest prayers to your Excellency.
(Oras na matanggap ko ang bagong kotse, promise, kahit wala ka na sa puwesto, susuportahan pa rin kita.)

God bless you.
(Nagdadasal ka pa ba?)

Sincerely,
(Seryoso ako. Umayos ka!)

Most Rev. Juan De Dios Pueblos, D.D.
Bishop of Butuan (Friendship)
P.O. Box 54, 8600 Butuan City

IN OTHER NEWS…
President Aquino has finally decided to let go of his luxury sports car, a 4.5 million-peso Porsche. Close aides reveal it is the President’s most painful breakup ever.

President Aquino confirmed that he had sold his controversial 4.5 million-peso Porsche. The President said he decided to sell the car because it was “putting unnecessary security risks;” it was time to “let somebody experience it,” and it was the best way to make amends with Juana Change.

In letting go of his sports car, President Aquino said, “It was time to let somebody experience it also.” To which, DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas said, “You’re not talking about my wife, are you?”

Photo of the Weak
Here’s the controversial unflattering photo of President Aquino reportedly released by a palace photographer (Photo from Raissa Robles’ blog)
Mechanics: Stare at the photo for 116  seconds, and then answer the following questions:
1: Anong TV show ang una mong naisip nang makita mo ang larawang ito? (A) The Working President (B) Fringe or The X-Files (C) Wow Mali!
2: May trabaho pa kaya ang taong nagpalabas ng larawang ito?
3: Batay sa larawan, ano ang brand ng sigarilyo ng Pangulo?
4: Menthol o Lights?
5: Kaninong brilliant idea kaya ang wallpaper na ‘yon? (Malunggay, anyone?)
6: Saan napunta ang buhok ng Pangulo?
7: Bakit malinis ang kanyang table? (A) Neat lang talaga siya (B) Uwian na! (C) Walang pakialaman ng table! Presidente siya. Bakit? May hacienda ka ba?
8: Titigan ang presidente: Anong problema mo?
9: ‘Yan ang tanggapan ng Pangulo ng Republika ng Pilipinas. Bakit ba ayaw n’yong maniwala?

For a chance to win a brand new car, “possibly a 4 x 4” – isulat ang mga sagot sa kapirasong papel, isilid sa isang puting envelope, lagyan ng pangalan, edad, at address saka lagdaan, at ihulog sa pinakamalapit na simbahan. Ulitin ang proseso hangga’t ‘di ka nananalo! Good luck!

Quote of the Weak
Davao City Vice Mayor Rodrigo Duterte:
“Ano? Mga columnists? Oh! (shows dirty finger) ‘Tang-i*a! (expletive), hindi lang sampal ang inabot noon. (Expletive), you wage a battle against your own people using policemen?”
Ano ang akmang pamagat/caption sa larawang ito?
A: “Sa Manila, Dirty Harry. Sa Davao, Dirty Finger!” (Courtesy of @mikevchua)
B: “Finger lookin’ god.”
C: “DutDutertehin kita d’yan eh!”

Taray Queen
Actress Maricel Soriano has been accused of kicking and flashing a dirty finger at her former maids. Reports say Soriano has no plans of facing her accusers but has expressed interest in running for vice mayor of Davao City.
————————————————————————————–
“Your religion is what you do when the sermon is over.”
~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Quote of the Week
“The Presidential Security Group has a heart attack whenever he uses the car.”
~Communications Secretary Ricky Carandang on President Aquino’s decision to sell his Porsche

Briefly Noted
In his column Tuesday in the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Ramon Tulfo re-printed a portion of my recent blog post titled, “ONE DOWN.” He said the quote came from an “anonymous author.” To Mr. Tulfo and the Inquirer’s Metro editor Mr. Abelardo S. Ulanday: FYI lang, naimbento na po ang Google. Thank you.

Elsewhere
ABS-CBN News: UP, Ateneo in world’s top 50 English-teaching universities

You Have Spoken
Tama ba ang ginawang pananapak ni Davao City Mayor Inday Sara Duterte sa court sheriff?
-Oo! Kasalanan ‘yon ng sheriff. Ang kulit eh. 25.48%
-Mali. Kahit saan tingnan, maling manapak. 67.52%
-Hintayin na lang ang resulta ng imbestigasyon. 7.01%

Enjoy the rest of the week. Ingat!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

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63 responses

6 07 2011
markpere2010

Idol PH! Hilarious post on that Butuan bishop. Just like the Philippine Star, parang hindi rin po familiar ang Inqurer sa pagverify ng news sources nila via Google. Remiss po ang editor in this case… 😦

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7 07 2011
hikatalomato

now i understand why that bishop is behaving like a dickhead. he is the bishop nga pala of dickland (“butu” in hiligaynon means dick)

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6 07 2011
notchfilter

“You’re not talking about my wife, are you?”

Panalo to! haha

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6 07 2011
Anonymous

D: “pagtarong dinha kung dili ka ganahan mukaon sa akong kugmo?”

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6 07 2011
Anonymous

did i see gma giving that bishop a head?

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7 07 2011
maybay

oo nga, ano?

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6 07 2011
phreddox

Totoo ba yun pag malinis ang mesa walang trabaho? Heheh… kelangan pala tambakan ko working table ko para di mahalata pag napepetiks!

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7 07 2011
hikatalomato

good idea! just like what former injustice secretary gonzalez did. sa sobrang dami ng mga documents na nakatambak sa table niya, you will think that this old man is working seriously. the fact is, he’s just employing the PBB (pa-busy busy) tactic para sabihing marami siyang ginagawa.

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8 07 2011
eddibumangon

in the case of Pnoy, TOTOO.

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11 07 2011
phreddox

hi eddie! ameshu!

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6 07 2011
kaloy

Hi Loi, yup i read Mr. Tulfo’s column the other day. Proud na proud ang ogag i share ung qoute mo.. Akala nya cguro mga uto uto ung nagbabasa ng inquirer.net. Baka gumawa din yan ng site na :professionalforger.com. hahaha.

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6 07 2011
madam auring

wala akong masabi sa letter na yan, deretchahan, na vibes ko na di mag tatagal, isosoli din nya yan para mag hugas ng kamay ala poncio pilato lol

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8 07 2011
eddibumangon

Ito madam, another quote from The Manila Standard, baka sakaling mag hugas ka rin ng kamay bago ka humusga.

“…A Catholic Church official correctly pointed out that detractors of the Bishop of Butuan are glossing over is the fact that Bishop Pueblos is not only the bishop of a huge diocese encompassing the provinces of Surigao del Sur, Surigao del Norte, Agusan del Sur and Agusan del Norte. He has also been a member of the Caraga peace and order council and was a member of other government-created bodies like the Zenarosa Commission that was tasked to dismantle private armies in the region…”

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6 07 2011
danny

…kya pl ganon ang anak, ganon din ang tatay.

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7 07 2011
Anonymous

yeah, like father, like son,……, and like daughter, maybe the entire family.

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7 07 2011
isagani

yeah, like father, like son,…, and like daughter. maybe the entire family.

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6 07 2011
Anonymous

re: briefly noted, wahahahaha di nya type i-acknowledge ang pangalan mo.

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6 07 2011
Menard

Wow! Tulfo is quoting you na PH, pero anonymouse ka daw hahaha! 😀 Isumbong mo na yan… 😀

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6 07 2011
danny

…i remember during the time of jaime cardinal sin, he prevented madam imelda marcos to grant her the communion and other catholic church blessings.

…ngayon nman ang kaparian bigyan mo lang ng SUVs, kahit anong pandarambong ang gawin mo sa bayan e walang problema.

…beside, to think na galing ang mga perang iyan sa sugal… ewan ko ba.

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7 07 2011
hikatalomato

di pa kasi uso ang SUV noon sa failippines. ford ferra, toyota land cruiser 40 series at 3-wheeled kuliglig lang yata ang mga pangkariniwang offroad vehicles sa kapanahunan ni cardinal sin.

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6 07 2011
Anonymous

Honga….’tangna, nabasa ko yung column ni Tulfo, at sabi ko, kay Heckler ito ah! Bwakana, pag nakita mo yang si Tulfo, dutertehin mo at nang matuto.

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6 07 2011
Joey in Dubai

Honga….nabasa ko rin yung kolum ni Tulfo at sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, kay Heckler ang passage na yun. Tang*na, pag nakita mo si Tulfo, dutertehin mo at nang matuto! Lam mo na…walang mangyayari pag di mo dinuterte ang mga bwakanang kolumnistang yan (with matching erect middle finger)!

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7 07 2011
oscarwilde39@yahoo.com

sana hindi na lang middle finger ang ka-match…:-(

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7 07 2011
etchosera

Ayyyyy! Ako, di ko nabasa!

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8 07 2011
eddibumangon

Ako rin etchos di ko nabasa… pero parang galit talaga si Joey at sa palagay ko hindi lang finger ang erect. 😉

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6 07 2011
“A BRAND NEW CAR!” « The Professional Heckler | Pnoy Talks

[…] post: “A BRAND NEW CAR!” « The Professional Heckler This entry was posted in Gloria, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo and tagged alleged, butuan, […]

Like

6 07 2011
libertas

malacanang release an official photo of p-noy looking older and shabbier than the wallpaper.
his enemies are closer than he thinks.

saw a bishop driving a porsche earlier. it must be his birthday.

p-noy and his porsche got no dates. does he blame the car or arroyo.

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6 07 2011
Poi

Infairness naman kay Bishop, idinaan niya sa Black & White ang hiling. Talagang mala-Dear Tita Charo na English version ang atake niya. Madrama, puno ng damdamin at pa-victim.

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6 07 2011
Will

No wonder Arroyo’s always seen in Churches during her stay. I’d bet a 4×4 there’s more than the “mass” than meets the eye.

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6 07 2011
professionalheckler

THANK U for informing me. Hayyy…. those people talaga. Kakamention ko lang nung Tulfo, heto at copy paste na naman. Nambabatikos sila ng maling gawain pero sila mismo, hindi npapansin ang mumunting pagkakamali nila.

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6 07 2011
Menard

Kwela comments dun sa article ni Tulfo. meron pang tumawag sa yo na Professor, hahaha! Nice one Professor Heckler! :p

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6 07 2011
etchosera

Aylayk!

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6 07 2011
danny

@Prof. PH:

…agree!!!

…psst, Pro. PH ano nmang aasahan mo taong mura ng mura ha?

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7 07 2011
Anonymous

you’re a nobody naman daw kasi e, mga tulfo sikat na haha.intriga sapakan na yan.lol.sumbong ka kay mama san mong si kris o si sugardaddy boy abunda lol.

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7 07 2011
Junior Tubero

PH sa yahoo may gumamit din niyan post mo. 😀 kaso na-delete na e

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8 07 2011
professionalheckler

nabasa ko nga eh.

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6 07 2011
rojan88

hahaha. isa pang bagay na title kay duterte, “Isang finger ka lang”.hehehe. buti nman ung mga reader ni heckler alam na bad ang manapak. dito lng yata sa site nato nanalo na mali ang ginawa ni sara, kasi kahit saan social net sites puro tama daw ang pananapak eh.

ung nag plagiarize ng blog mo at nipost sa yahoo comment pa ti si tulfo ang titigas ng mukha. ang bilis lng naman siguro itype ng “Taken from professionalheckler.com” at itong si Editor nman pinalagpas. tsk tsk.

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6 07 2011
jeproks2002

just a thought, why is that finger called the DIRTY finger? is it because it came from (or used in) a dirty place? if there’s should be any dirty finger it’s none other than the fingers used to write that ‘birthday’ letter!!!

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7 07 2011
hayden ako

oooonga! ba’t di nalang tawaging PLEASURE FINGER!

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7 07 2011
senior60

jeproks, serious tanong ito ha, kailangan serious sagot

din, ano bang fingers ang ginagamit to write that ‘birthday’

letter, at mas matindi pa, ano ba ang tinaguriang ‘ birthday ‘

letter?

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8 07 2011
jeproks2002

the bishop’s fingers were used to write that dirty letter asking for a brand new car as birthday gift. shouldn’t that be THE dirty fingers? sama mo na rin yung fingers ni GMA used to dip into the PCSO funds to buy the 1.7M brand new car.
senior, nagtatanong lang ako kung bakit tinawag na dirty finger yang kay duterte. nasa news palagi namemention. nakikita at naririnig ng mga bata. ano ba ang isasagot ko kung nagtanong sila, “bakit ba dirty ang finger na yan?”

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10 07 2011
senior60

hahahahaha akala ko jeproks sa ‘birthday ‘ letter ay

letter A, letter B, letter C etc. ano ba psstt huwag kang

maingay at kantiyawan na naman ako ni etchos hahaha

tungkol sa napakalaki mong problema, tama ka, sabihin

mo na lang sa mga anak mo na ginamit ni duterte sa

dirty place, at tingnan mo ha ang kanilang facial expression

kung mukha bang naniwala sa sagot mo

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6 07 2011
checkmate

is it just me or talagang parang maraming kulang sa president’s office? parang eto pa lang ata ung office na nakita ko na walang computer or landline na malapit sa nakaupo sa office chair… ok lang na malinis ung desk kaso parang may mali talaga eh… partida di ko na pinapansin ung sigarilyo nya hehehe ^_^

anyway, eto ginusto ng mga pilipino eh, pagtiyagaan na lang natin, konti na lang naman ang hihintayin natin eh…

guys, siguro alam nyo na ito, pero para sa hindi pa nakakaalam, sa 2015 digital signal na ang iimplement sa lahat ng tv station, magagamit lang ung analog kung bibilhan nyo ng converter ung tv nyo, sabagay sa 2015 malamang karamihan ng tv mga lcd at led which is digital signal ready na, kawawa nga lang ung mga mahihirap hehehe

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7 07 2011
hikatalomato

we won’t be needing that. the world will end on 2012 anyway.

Like

8 07 2011
shirley

2015? i thought it was done in 2009… baka jan lang siguro dahil wala nang akong makita’ng analog tv sa stores dito at yung akin nalang ang natitirang analog tv siguro ang ‘nakatayo’ parin since 1997 hahahaha…

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6 07 2011
Centrino

Hindi naman siguro masama manghingi ng donation na 4×4. hahaha

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7 07 2011
isagani

150 years since rizal was born, nothing has changed as far as the catholic church is concerned. hypocrisy, callousness, high-handedness, and immorality still abound in the major religion in the philippines. now we have brown-skinned “curas” instead of the high-nosed “kastilas” in the past.

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9 07 2011
etchosera

Asa ka pa!

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13 07 2011
Pokerface

Well said 🙂

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7 07 2011
A Brand New Car!

[…] […]

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7 07 2011
hikatalomato

is that a 3-nippled pair of tits?

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7 07 2011
Anonymous

lol @ “Dutdutertehin kita dyan eh.”

I was able to read Tulfo’s column and raised my eyebrows at the “anonymous author.” Ang katamaran talaga.

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7 07 2011
senior60

new words for a local dictionary, dutertehin at dinuterte

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8 07 2011
jeproks2002

sama mo na rin kaya ang DUTDUTDIRTY?

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10 07 2011
senior60

no problem, sige isama natin para the more, the merrier

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7 07 2011
barbiegel

‘ket ayaw mashare sa FB 😦 o dapat maglog in ako?

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8 07 2011
Anonymous

No bad comments or opinions as the Chinese saying goes NO TALKS NO MISTAKES. baka hindi ninyo kayang pangatawanan ang mga sinasabi ninyo pag kayo ay nademanda ng “LIBEL”. Mabuti na rn angnagi–iingat at wala kang ATRASO kaht na kaninuman. Just ar eminder be professinal sa pagsasalita at dokumentado and iyong mga sinasabi sa commento mo.

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8 07 2011
TheBachelorGirl

I thought you had a brand new car! I was about to congratulate you. Haha.

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8 07 2011
eddibumangon

“…Indeed there might be basis for the Catholic bishops to feel that they are being singled out for the attacks. As a Catholic Church official correctly pointed out, the report of the Commission on Audit showed a P1.5-billion private account of the PCSO which is not authorized by the Department of Finance. There are also questionable expenses to the tune of P1.9 billion but the focus of the controversy appears to be on the P6.9 million donation to the Catholic Church…”

Mr.PH, based on what is quoted above from the Manila Standard, the amount spent on the controversial Pajeros is only 0.000036% of the total questionable expenses. Yet all of our condemnation seemed to be focused on the bishops. Maybe in your next survey you shall ask if the Inquirer is biased against the bishops, re their PCSO anomaly headlines.

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9 07 2011
senior60

re: photo of the weak:

eerie

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9 07 2011
senior60

re: photo of the weak

eerie

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9 07 2011
batang buotan

Bishop’s letter to former president Arroyo was very juicy, very sweet, well written! The letter fascinates me. The SUV is another story. LOL.

Like

11 07 2011
ph1l1p

napakatalas ng mga comments….sabi nga luveeet

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