“A BRAND NEW CAR!”

HERE’S A COPY OF THE LETTER sent to then President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo by Butuan Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos asking for a birthday gift. Note: Alleged original draft of the letter in parentheses.

February 2009

HER EXCELLENCY GLORIA MACAPAGAL-ARROYO
President, Republic of the Philippines
Malacañang Palace
Manila

Dear Madam President,
(Hello Friendship)

I will be celebrating my 66th birthday on March 8, 2009. (Obvious ba kung ano ang pakay ng aking liham?)

I know this will be a precious day and timely occasion to thank the Lord for giving me another year. (Tiba-tiba na naman! Babaha na naman ng regalo mula sa mga sipsip na pulitiko.)

After a prayerful discernment and due considerations to the existing crisis phenomenon today…
(Ang dami kasing imoral eh kaya minamalas ang Pilipinas!)

I have decided not to hold a birthday party.
(Nagda-diet ako. Gusto kong magka-abs para maisuot ko naman ang binili kong tight-fit shirt.)

Instead, I prefer to make use of my birthday as a day with and for myself, and with God.
(Nag-day off ang kasambahay kong si Milagring. May date ang paborito kong sacristan na si Tomas. Nag-iisa ako dito. No choice.)

Having been declared, awarded and honored from your good office as ‘Peace Champion of Caraga…’
(In fairness to me, I did not expect the award. At lalong hindi ko binili. Although, yeah, I prayed hard for it.)

I am grateful to God that He has made me an instrument of His peace, especially here in Mindanao.
(Take that Sara Duterte!)

I know I can do more to promote and work for peace.
(Basta suportado natin ang isa’t isa, walang problema!)

It is in this view that I am asking a favor from your Excellency.
(Kapag tumanggi, mapupunta sa impyerno.)

At present, I really need a brand-new car, possibly a 4 x 4, which I can use to reach the far-flung areas of Caraga.
(Inuulit ko, bagong kotse! 4 x 4! No more, no less. Choosy ako eh, bakit ba?)

I hope you will never fail to give a brand new car which would serve as your birthday gift to me.
(Sawang-sawa na ako sa padala mong flowers at birthday cake taun-taon. For a change, kotse naman!)

For your information, I have with me a 7-year-old car which is not anymore in good running condition.
(Halos dalawang termino ka na, wala pa akong napapala sa ‘yo. Manhid!)

Therefore, this needs to be replaced very soon.
(Now na!)

I am anticipating your favorable response on this regard.
(Huwag na huwag mong hihindian ang birthday wish ko kung ayaw mong siraan kita sa mga kasama kong obispo!)

Thank you very much.
(Pasalamat ka at divided ang CBCP! Kung hindi, naku…)

Be assured of my constant support and sincerest prayers to your Excellency.
(Oras na matanggap ko ang bagong kotse, promise, kahit wala ka na sa puwesto, susuportahan pa rin kita.)

God bless you.
(Nagdadasal ka pa ba?)

Sincerely,
(Seryoso ako. Umayos ka!)

Most Rev. Juan De Dios Pueblos, D.D.
Bishop of Butuan (Friendship)
P.O. Box 54, 8600 Butuan City

IN OTHER NEWS…
President Aquino has finally decided to let go of his luxury sports car, a 4.5 million-peso Porsche. Close aides reveal it is the President’s most painful breakup ever.

President Aquino confirmed that he had sold his controversial 4.5 million-peso Porsche. The President said he decided to sell the car because it was “putting unnecessary security risks;” it was time to “let somebody experience it,” and it was the best way to make amends with Juana Change.

In letting go of his sports car, President Aquino said, “It was time to let somebody experience it also.” To which, DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas said, “You’re not talking about my wife, are you?”

Photo of the Weak
Here’s the controversial unflattering photo of President Aquino reportedly released by a palace photographer (Photo from Raissa Robles’ blog)
Mechanics: Stare at the photo for 116  seconds, and then answer the following questions:
1: Anong TV show ang una mong naisip nang makita mo ang larawang ito? (A) The Working President (B) Fringe or The X-Files (C) Wow Mali!
2: May trabaho pa kaya ang taong nagpalabas ng larawang ito?
3: Batay sa larawan, ano ang brand ng sigarilyo ng Pangulo?
4: Menthol o Lights?
5: Kaninong brilliant idea kaya ang wallpaper na ‘yon? (Malunggay, anyone?)
6: Saan napunta ang buhok ng Pangulo?
7: Bakit malinis ang kanyang table? (A) Neat lang talaga siya (B) Uwian na! (C) Walang pakialaman ng table! Presidente siya. Bakit? May hacienda ka ba?
8: Titigan ang presidente: Anong problema mo?
9: ‘Yan ang tanggapan ng Pangulo ng Republika ng Pilipinas. Bakit ba ayaw n’yong maniwala?

For a chance to win a brand new car, “possibly a 4 x 4” – isulat ang mga sagot sa kapirasong papel, isilid sa isang puting envelope, lagyan ng pangalan, edad, at address saka lagdaan, at ihulog sa pinakamalapit na simbahan. Ulitin ang proseso hangga’t ‘di ka nananalo! Good luck!

Quote of the Weak
Davao City Vice Mayor Rodrigo Duterte:
“Ano? Mga columnists? Oh! (shows dirty finger) ‘Tang-i*a! (expletive), hindi lang sampal ang inabot noon. (Expletive), you wage a battle against your own people using policemen?”
Ano ang akmang pamagat/caption sa larawang ito?
A: “Sa Manila, Dirty Harry. Sa Davao, Dirty Finger!” (Courtesy of @mikevchua)
B: “Finger lookin’ god.”
C: “DutDutertehin kita d’yan eh!”

Taray Queen
Actress Maricel Soriano has been accused of kicking and flashing a dirty finger at her former maids. Reports say Soriano has no plans of facing her accusers but has expressed interest in running for vice mayor of Davao City.
————————————————————————————–
“Your religion is what you do when the sermon is over.”
~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Quote of the Week
“The Presidential Security Group has a heart attack whenever he uses the car.”
~Communications Secretary Ricky Carandang on President Aquino’s decision to sell his Porsche

Briefly Noted
In his column Tuesday in the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Ramon Tulfo re-printed a portion of my recent blog post titled, “ONE DOWN.” He said the quote came from an “anonymous author.” To Mr. Tulfo and the Inquirer’s Metro editor Mr. Abelardo S. Ulanday: FYI lang, naimbento na po ang Google. Thank you.

Elsewhere
ABS-CBN News: UP, Ateneo in world’s top 50 English-teaching universities

You Have Spoken
Tama ba ang ginawang pananapak ni Davao City Mayor Inday Sara Duterte sa court sheriff?
-Oo! Kasalanan ‘yon ng sheriff. Ang kulit eh. 25.48%
-Mali. Kahit saan tingnan, maling manapak. 67.52%
-Hintayin na lang ang resulta ng imbestigasyon. 7.01%

Enjoy the rest of the week. Ingat!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

63 thoughts on ““A BRAND NEW CAR!””

    1. good idea! just like what former injustice secretary gonzalez did. sa sobrang dami ng mga documents na nakatambak sa table niya, you will think that this old man is working seriously. the fact is, he’s just employing the PBB (pa-busy busy) tactic para sabihing marami siyang ginagawa.

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    1. Ito madam, another quote from The Manila Standard, baka sakaling mag hugas ka rin ng kamay bago ka humusga.

      “…A Catholic Church official correctly pointed out that detractors of the Bishop of Butuan are glossing over is the fact that Bishop Pueblos is not only the bishop of a huge diocese encompassing the provinces of Surigao del Sur, Surigao del Norte, Agusan del Sur and Agusan del Norte. He has also been a member of the Caraga peace and order council and was a member of other government-created bodies like the Zenarosa Commission that was tasked to dismantle private armies in the region…”

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  11. …i remember during the time of jaime cardinal sin, he prevented madam imelda marcos to grant her the communion and other catholic church blessings.

    …ngayon nman ang kaparian bigyan mo lang ng SUVs, kahit anong pandarambong ang gawin mo sa bayan e walang problema.

    …beside, to think na galing ang mga perang iyan sa sugal… ewan ko ba.

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  13. Honga….nabasa ko rin yung kolum ni Tulfo at sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, kay Heckler ang passage na yun. Tang*na, pag nakita mo si Tulfo, dutertehin mo at nang matuto! Lam mo na…walang mangyayari pag di mo dinuterte ang mga bwakanang kolumnistang yan (with matching erect middle finger)!

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  14. Pingback: “A BRAND NEW CAR!” « The Professional Heckler | Pnoy Talks

  19. hahaha. isa pang bagay na title kay duterte, “Isang finger ka lang”.hehehe. buti nman ung mga reader ni heckler alam na bad ang manapak. dito lng yata sa site nato nanalo na mali ang ginawa ni sara, kasi kahit saan social net sites puro tama daw ang pananapak eh.

    ung nag plagiarize ng blog mo at nipost sa yahoo comment pa ti si tulfo ang titigas ng mukha. ang bilis lng naman siguro itype ng “Taken from professionalheckler.com” at itong si Editor nman pinalagpas. tsk tsk.

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      1. the bishop’s fingers were used to write that dirty letter asking for a brand new car as birthday gift. shouldn’t that be THE dirty fingers? sama mo na rin yung fingers ni GMA used to dip into the PCSO funds to buy the 1.7M brand new car.
        senior, nagtatanong lang ako kung bakit tinawag na dirty finger yang kay duterte. nasa news palagi namemention. nakikita at naririnig ng mga bata. ano ba ang isasagot ko kung nagtanong sila, “bakit ba dirty ang finger na yan?”

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      2. hahahahaha akala ko jeproks sa ‘birthday ‘ letter ay

        letter A, letter B, letter C etc. ano ba psstt huwag kang

        maingay at kantiyawan na naman ako ni etchos hahaha

        tungkol sa napakalaki mong problema, tama ka, sabihin

        mo na lang sa mga anak mo na ginamit ni duterte sa

        dirty place, at tingnan mo ha ang kanilang facial expression

        kung mukha bang naniwala sa sagot mo

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  21. is it just me or talagang parang maraming kulang sa president’s office? parang eto pa lang ata ung office na nakita ko na walang computer or landline na malapit sa nakaupo sa office chair… ok lang na malinis ung desk kaso parang may mali talaga eh… partida di ko na pinapansin ung sigarilyo nya hehehe ^_^

    anyway, eto ginusto ng mga pilipino eh, pagtiyagaan na lang natin, konti na lang naman ang hihintayin natin eh…

    guys, siguro alam nyo na ito, pero para sa hindi pa nakakaalam, sa 2015 digital signal na ang iimplement sa lahat ng tv station, magagamit lang ung analog kung bibilhan nyo ng converter ung tv nyo, sabagay sa 2015 malamang karamihan ng tv mga lcd at led which is digital signal ready na, kawawa nga lang ung mga mahihirap hehehe

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  23. 150 years since rizal was born, nothing has changed as far as the catholic church is concerned. hypocrisy, callousness, high-handedness, and immorality still abound in the major religion in the philippines. now we have brown-skinned “curas” instead of the high-nosed “kastilas” in the past.

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  24. Pingback: A Brand New Car!

  28. No bad comments or opinions as the Chinese saying goes NO TALKS NO MISTAKES. baka hindi ninyo kayang pangatawanan ang mga sinasabi ninyo pag kayo ay nademanda ng “LIBEL”. Mabuti na rn angnagi–iingat at wala kang ATRASO kaht na kaninuman. Just ar eminder be professinal sa pagsasalita at dokumentado and iyong mga sinasabi sa commento mo.

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  30. “…Indeed there might be basis for the Catholic bishops to feel that they are being singled out for the attacks. As a Catholic Church official correctly pointed out, the report of the Commission on Audit showed a P1.5-billion private account of the PCSO which is not authorized by the Department of Finance. There are also questionable expenses to the tune of P1.9 billion but the focus of the controversy appears to be on the P6.9 million donation to the Catholic Church…”

    Mr.PH, based on what is quoted above from the Manila Standard, the amount spent on the controversial Pajeros is only 0.000036% of the total questionable expenses. Yet all of our condemnation seemed to be focused on the bishops. Maybe in your next survey you shall ask if the Inquirer is biased against the bishops, re their PCSO anomaly headlines.

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