HERE’S A COPY OF THE LETTER sent to then President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo by Butuan Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos asking for a birthday gift. Note: Alleged original draft of the letter in parentheses.
HER EXCELLENCY GLORIA MACAPAGAL-ARROYO
President, Republic of the Philippines
Dear Madam President,
I will be celebrating my 66th birthday on March 8, 2009. (Obvious ba kung ano ang pakay ng aking liham?)
I know this will be a precious day and timely occasion to thank the Lord for giving me another year. (Tiba-tiba na naman! Babaha na naman ng regalo mula sa mga sipsip na pulitiko.)
After a prayerful discernment and due considerations to the existing crisis phenomenon today…
(Ang dami kasing imoral eh kaya minamalas ang Pilipinas!)
I have decided not to hold a birthday party.
(Nagda-diet ako. Gusto kong magka-abs para maisuot ko naman ang binili kong tight-fit shirt.)
Instead, I prefer to make use of my birthday as a day with and for myself, and with God.
(Nag-day off ang kasambahay kong si Milagring. May date ang paborito kong sacristan na si Tomas. Nag-iisa ako dito. No choice.)
Having been declared, awarded and honored from your good office as ‘Peace Champion of Caraga…’
(In fairness to me, I did not expect the award. At lalong hindi ko binili. Although, yeah, I prayed hard for it.)
I am grateful to God that He has made me an instrument of His peace, especially here in Mindanao.
(Take that Sara Duterte!)
I know I can do more to promote and work for peace.
(Basta suportado natin ang isa’t isa, walang problema!)
It is in this view that I am asking a favor from your Excellency.
(Kapag tumanggi, mapupunta sa impyerno.)
At present, I really need a brand-new car, possibly a 4 x 4, which I can use to reach the far-flung areas of Caraga.
(Inuulit ko, bagong kotse! 4 x 4! No more, no less. Choosy ako eh, bakit ba?)
I hope you will never fail to give a brand new car which would serve as your birthday gift to me.
(Sawang-sawa na ako sa padala mong flowers at birthday cake taun-taon. For a change, kotse naman!)
For your information, I have with me a 7-year-old car which is not anymore in good running condition.
(Halos dalawang termino ka na, wala pa akong napapala sa ‘yo. Manhid!)
Therefore, this needs to be replaced very soon.
I am anticipating your favorable response on this regard.
(Huwag na huwag mong hihindian ang birthday wish ko kung ayaw mong siraan kita sa mga kasama kong obispo!)
Thank you very much.
(Pasalamat ka at divided ang CBCP! Kung hindi, naku…)
Be assured of my constant support and sincerest prayers to your Excellency.
(Oras na matanggap ko ang bagong kotse, promise, kahit wala ka na sa puwesto, susuportahan pa rin kita.)
God bless you.
(Nagdadasal ka pa ba?)
(Seryoso ako. Umayos ka!)
Most Rev. Juan De Dios Pueblos, D.D.
Bishop of Butuan (Friendship)
P.O. Box 54, 8600 Butuan City
IN OTHER NEWS…
President Aquino has finally decided to let go of his luxury sports car, a 4.5 million-peso Porsche. Close aides reveal it is the President’s most painful breakup ever.
President Aquino confirmed that he had sold his controversial 4.5 million-peso Porsche. The President said he decided to sell the car because it was “putting unnecessary security risks;” it was time to “let somebody experience it,” and it was the best way to make amends with Juana Change.
In letting go of his sports car, President Aquino said, “It was time to let somebody experience it also.” To which, DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas said, “You’re not talking about my wife, are you?”
Photo of the Weak
Here’s the controversial unflattering photo of President Aquino reportedly released by a palace photographer (Photo from Raissa Robles’ blog)
Mechanics: Stare at the photo for 116 seconds, and then answer the following questions:
1: Anong TV show ang una mong naisip nang makita mo ang larawang ito? (A) The Working President (B) Fringe or The X-Files (C) Wow Mali!
2: May trabaho pa kaya ang taong nagpalabas ng larawang ito?
3: Batay sa larawan, ano ang brand ng sigarilyo ng Pangulo?
4: Menthol o Lights?
5: Kaninong brilliant idea kaya ang wallpaper na ‘yon? (Malunggay, anyone?)
6: Saan napunta ang buhok ng Pangulo?
7: Bakit malinis ang kanyang table? (A) Neat lang talaga siya (B) Uwian na! (C) Walang pakialaman ng table! Presidente siya. Bakit? May hacienda ka ba?
8: Titigan ang presidente: Anong problema mo?
9: ‘Yan ang tanggapan ng Pangulo ng Republika ng Pilipinas. Bakit ba ayaw n’yong maniwala?
For a chance to win a brand new car, “possibly a 4 x 4” – isulat ang mga sagot sa kapirasong papel, isilid sa isang puting envelope, lagyan ng pangalan, edad, at address saka lagdaan, at ihulog sa pinakamalapit na simbahan. Ulitin ang proseso hangga’t ‘di ka nananalo! Good luck!
Quote of the Weak
Davao City Vice Mayor Rodrigo Duterte:
“Ano? Mga columnists? Oh! (shows dirty finger) ‘Tang-i*a! (expletive), hindi lang sampal ang inabot noon. (Expletive), you wage a battle against your own people using policemen?”
Ano ang akmang pamagat/caption sa larawang ito?
A: “Sa Manila, Dirty Harry. Sa Davao, Dirty Finger!” (Courtesy of @mikevchua)
B: “Finger lookin’ god.”
C: “DutDutertehin kita d’yan eh!”
Actress Maricel Soriano has been accused of kicking and flashing a dirty finger at her former maids. Reports say Soriano has no plans of facing her accusers but has expressed interest in running for vice mayor of Davao City.
“Your religion is what you do when the sermon is over.”
~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Quote of the Week
“The Presidential Security Group has a heart attack whenever he uses the car.”
~Communications Secretary Ricky Carandang on President Aquino’s decision to sell his Porsche
In his column Tuesday in the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Ramon Tulfo re-printed a portion of my recent blog post titled, “ONE DOWN.” He said the quote came from an “anonymous author.” To Mr. Tulfo and the Inquirer’s Metro editor Mr. Abelardo S. Ulanday: FYI lang, naimbento na po ang Google. Thank you.
ABS-CBN News: UP, Ateneo in world’s top 50 English-teaching universities
You Have Spoken
Tama ba ang ginawang pananapak ni Davao City Mayor Inday Sara Duterte sa court sheriff?
-Oo! Kasalanan ‘yon ng sheriff. Ang kulit eh. 25.48%
-Mali. Kahit saan tingnan, maling manapak. 67.52%
-Hintayin na lang ang resulta ng imbestigasyon. 7.01%
Enjoy the rest of the week. Ingat!
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