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LET THERE BE LIGHT (2011)

27 06 2011

ANOTHER DOSE of Light Bulb Jokes. Enjoy!

Q: How many President Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to blame the Arroyo administration for the burnt bulb.

Q: How many President Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, because there are at least three defective light bulbs that give him a headache.

Q: How many President Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. He’ll ask the Vice President to change it.

Q: How many Jejomar Binays does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But first, he’ll do a public consultation to determine whether the light bulb should be changed or not.

Q: How many Leila De Limas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change it, and four others to compose a special task force that will investigate why the old light bulb burnt out.

Q: How many Abigail Valtes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to defend the accomplishment – in case Cong. Mitos Magsaysay questions it.

Q: How many Attorney Edwin Lacierdas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It doesn’t matter. What’s important is, at the end of the day, the old bulb is replaced.

Q: How many Cotabato City mayors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But he won’t do it. Instead he’ll pass on the task to the national government.

Q: How many Filipino teachers and pupils does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One teacher to change it and 60 pupils to say, “Good work Miss De Los Reyes!”

Q: How many members of the defunct PAOCTF does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to give instructions, one to change it, one to shoot the old bulb, and one to destroy the evidence of the shooting.

Q: How many Merceditas Gutierrezes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: She won’t! There’s insufficient evidence that the light bulb needs to be changed.

Q: How many Ninoy and Cory loyalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change it, and a million to chant, “Tama na! Pundido na! Palitan na!”

Q: How many Jose Rizals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. But his books about darkness will inspire a secret society to change it.

Q: How many Manny Pacquiaos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Bakit ku gawin ‘yan? Nasa Buy-bul ba ‘yan?”

Q: How many Gloria Macapagal-Arroyos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four, maybe. The ceiling is too high.

Q: How many Samar & Balay members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There’s no way you could force them to change a light bulb together.

Q: How many Jamby Madrigals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: She doesn’t know how. She doesn’t eat bulbs.

Q: How many Jejomar Binays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Why would he? He’s not afraid of the dark.

Q: How many UP students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to change it, and one to blog about the experience.

Q: How many Ateneo students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: “Yaya, can you make palit na the bumbilya sa sala?”

Q: How many La Salle students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What’s a light bulb?

Q: How many Sharon Cunetas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to hold the ladder. Careful.

Q: How many Annabelle Ramas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Magkano dung?

Q: How many oil companies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Oil companies prefer screwing the public.

Q: How many Kris Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change, and another to tell the whole world about it.

And finally…
Q: How many Tulfos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Tarantado! Hindi namin trabaho ‘yan. Punyeta ka! Gago!”

In the News…
Of the five highest officials of the land, Vice President Jejomar Binay is the most trusted according to the latest Pulse Asia survey. Binay got an approval rating of 83 percent. The rest or 17 percent knew better.

GMA vs. Aquino
Administration allies slammed former president, and now Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo for saying that the government was “leaderless.” I think Filipinos would get used to it though. After all, we survived nine years of a government that was shameless.
—————————————————————————
“In the beginning there was nothing. God said, “Let there be light!” And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.”
~Ellen DeGeneres

Today is June 27th…
On this day in 2005, then President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo admitted to calling a Comelec official (whom she did not identify) during the May 2004 presidential elections. She called it a “lapse in judgment” and apologized for it.

Separated At Birth?
Sen. Panfilo Lacson and his BFF, former police Senior Supt. Michael Ray Aquino.

Quote of the Weak
“Ito ay isang malinaw na insulto sa ating Civil Code at sa katuruan ng Simbahang Katolika! Kawawa naman ang mga taong ito! Wala nang kinikilalang Diyos! Wala na rin silang paggalang sa kanilang sarili! Dapat na matigil ang kahibangang ito! Ang mga nagpakasal at nagkasal ay mayroong mga problema sa pag-iisip.”
~Catholic Bishop Carlito Cenzon reacting to reports that pastors of the Metropolitan Community Church of Metro Baguio officiated the wedding of at least eight gay couples in Baguio City last June 25

You Have Spoken
Isang taon matapos maluklok sa puwesto, ano ang grado mo sa administrasyong Aquino?
-Great! Ipagpatuloy n’yo ‘yan! 2.95%
-Very good! 5.9%
-Puwede na! 31.94%
-Bagsak! 59.21%

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Have a great week!

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35 responses

27 06 2011
a solemn punch

Base.

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27 06 2011
a solemn punch

Hehehe! The classic war of the Universities- The War Between UP and the OU’s.
Q: How many UP students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to change it, and one to blog about the experience.

Q: How many Ateneo students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: “Yaya, can you make palit na the bumbilya sa sala?”

Q: How many La Salle students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What’s a light bulb?

LOL

Like

27 06 2011
phreddox

Legion of Doom – BANAT!

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27 06 2011
danny

…hay sana lang magliwanag na ang ilaw ng pilipinas…

…mailawan lahat ng nangungurakot sa gobyerno.

Like

27 06 2011
etchosera

Juicemio!

Nalaglag naman ang neon green thong ko sa mga light bulb ekek nina Farmer President GMA at Tulfo!

Dito mo lang mababasa yan sa blog ni Pey-Itch…… wala yan sa Buy-bul, dung!

Bwahahahahaha!

Like

27 06 2011
gerrycho

ok lang naman i guess na nandyan ang media para tumulong mangalampag ng mga ahensya na hindi gumagalaw…

ang problema — parang kailangan na ngayon ng mga ahensya natin na manggaling pa sa media ang kalampag para sila gumalaw…

just watch how the tulfo’s address local government officials…

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27 06 2011
Maxlip

Astig! Keep on heckling…

Like

27 06 2011
hikatalomato

holy crap, look that that bishop’s photo. it seems like he spotted another lone child in his church.

Like

27 06 2011
hikatalomato

holy crap, look at that bishop’s photo. it seems like he spotted another lone child in his church.

Like

27 06 2011
rojan88

hahahaha. tawa n naman ako sa post na to. galing talga. eto ung gma fave ko
Q: How many Cotabato City mayors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But he won’t do it. Instead he’ll pass on the task to the national government.
Wala lng yata makurakot sa calamity fund tong mayor na to,kaya nagtatalak eh.

Q: How many UP students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to change it, and one to blog about the experience.
Q: How many Ateneo students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: “Yaya, can you make palit na the bumbilya sa sala?”
Q: How many La Salle students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What’s a light bulb?
The classic comparison of the 3 famous universities.lol

the best ka talga idol PH. at sana gumana na ang mga bumbilya ng bumbunan ng mga nasa malakanyang pra nman umayos na ang Pinas.

http://rojan88.wordpress.com

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27 06 2011
LET THERE BE LIGHT (2011) « The Professional Heckler | Pnoy Talks

[…] from: LET THERE BE LIGHT (2011) « The Professional Heckler This entry was posted in Gloria, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo and tagged balay, does-it-take, gloria, […]

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27 06 2011
andrei

panalo ulit!

Like

28 06 2011
senior60

“Tama na! Pundido na! Palitan na!”

sino ba ang pinagsabihan ng mga ninoy at cory loyalists,
mister heckler, si noynoy?

hindi pwede si gloria dahil si noynoy na ang nasa pwesto

Like

30 06 2011
etchosera

Anuvah? Pati ba naman yan?

Jaena Kuh!

Like

2 07 2011
senior60

yes etchos, lahat dito, every bit, as in, ay pinakikialaman,

you should know dahil ito ang expertise mo

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3 07 2011
etchosera

Ayyyyy! For your FYI, di po ako mahilig makialam!

Nakikisawsaw lang po ako! Ahihihihihi!

Like

28 06 2011
amateur heckler

she doesn’t eat bulbs…haha. that’s a good one PH.

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28 06 2011
HildaK

Bishop Cenzon, parang may ibinabadya ang mga kilay nyo!

Like

29 06 2011
senior60

hahaha at mahirao yun ha dahil nakapikit sya

Like

29 06 2011
pasingit

hahaha!!! natawa ko dito!!! nagbabadya ba talaga ang kilay?!!! lol

Like

28 06 2011
Sunshine C.

How many UP students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to change it, and one to blog about the experience.

Q: How many Ateneo students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: “Yaya, can you make palit na the bumbilya sa sala?”

Q: How many La Salle students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What’s a light bulb?

Hahaha! So funny! Buti na lang USTe ako.

You’re good talaga. Funny but still malaman. You deserve the awards you got.

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29 06 2011
professionalheckler

hahahahaha isasama ko sana ang USTE kaya lang sa september na. sa panahon ng UAAP cheerdance. 🙂

Like

28 06 2011
kaye

funny take on the DLSU students, bad ka, PH. 😉

pwede ring
Q: how many binays does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb, and another to text the people of the philippines of this brilliant accomplishment.

This morning I received another anonymous text message telling people that binay’s trust rating is the highest. Palagay ko puro APO members ang sinurvey. :p

Like

29 06 2011
etchosera

Ay ako Ate Kee, agree ako sa nagtext sayo.

Di bale nang baluga, basta may nagagawa, kesa naman diyan sa panot na puro na lang pa-pogi, eh wa namang K.

Juicemio! Wa ba talagang mirror sa falash at parang di nakikita ni Panot ang nakaririmarim na ka-true-han? Hanggang maang-maangan school of acting na lang ba talaga siya?

Eewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

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30 06 2011
kaye

hello, etchos. namiss kita. haha!

katatapos lang ng speech ni noynoy at may isa na namang motherhood statement ang natutunan ko ngayon: “Tatanggalin natin ang tiwali at itatama natin ang mali.”

How can I believe this when he said a few days ago that there are two or three in his cabinet that he considers his penitensya? Instead na tanggalin at itama, tinitiis na lang.

talk about consistency and relevance. 😉

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30 06 2011
don't want to...

palagay ko nga isama pa ang mga APO dito sa NorCAL ang yayabang! bwahahaha

Like

29 06 2011
Rey V. Aguirre

Bato-bato sa langit ang tamaan mabubukolan…

Like

29 06 2011
Anonymous

ibang klase talaga! genius ka talaga PH —- IKAW NA!!!

Like

29 06 2011
edmondpogi

heheheh nice one! the best talaga!

Top Sports Cars

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29 06 2011
pasingit

missed reading your masterpieces, idol!!!!
sayang di ako nakahabol sa last survey.
i would’ve given penoy BAGSAK mark.

p.s. – napahalakhak ako dun sa “How many Tulfos does it take to change a light bulb?”. so true. so them!

Like

29 06 2011
pasingit

natawa din pala ako dun sa “bay-bul”…
took me some time to figure it out though.
lol

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29 06 2011
libertas

how many filipinos does it take to change a light bulb.
400. a new guiness world record. proud to be pinoy.

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30 06 2011
etchosera

Ano po ba ang dapat na reaction dito ‘Teh?

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1 07 2011
dantonremoto2010

O I did not say that, ha, na ang kilay ni bishop ay nagbabadya. at parang nakakita ata ng bata sa simbahan. hay naku, these bishops talaga. i wonder when we would begin investigating pedophilia in the church para mabuking na ang mga pido at dida.

Like

12 07 2011
guiengarma

One more mula sa UP.

Q: How many UP Students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to change it, and a few more to protest about what they see after screwing in the bulb.

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