WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Here’s why according to local political figures and other personalities in government and society:

Former DoTC Chief Jose ‘Ping’ De Jesus: “The chicken crossed the road for personal reasons.”

Former Batangas governor Tony Leviste: “It has an appointment with the dentist.”

Former BuCor Chief Ernesto Diokno: “Binalaan ko na nga ‘yan eh. Sabi ko, mag-ingat ka, baka masagasaan ka.”

Atty. Edwin Lacierda: “At the end of the day, ang mahalaga ay ligtas siyang nakatawid.”

President Aquino: “Ibalato n’yo na lang sa chicken ang nalalabing konting privacy sa buhay n’ya.”

Albay Rep. Edcel Lagman: “The House minority will file a resolution. We’d like to investigate the alleged illegal activities of the chicken and its KKK – kalahi, kasabong, and katukaan.”

Cong. Manny Pacquiao: “Sabi kasi sa Bible, go to the other side and multiply.”

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago: “I’m speechless. That’s my only comment. That’s a silly topic… maghanap na lang tayo ng ibang hayup na pag-uusapan.”

LTO chief Virginia Torres: “Pabalik na sa puwesto.”

Mar Roxas: “Hindi niya nahindian ang pakiusap ng tandang na magresponde. May sunog daw kasi sa frontlines.”

Justice Sec. Leila De Lima: “I will immediately form a special panel to investigate why the chicken crossed the road.”

PAGASA: “Batay sa satellite and surface data, ang manok ay namataan sa silangang bahagi ng bangketa. Ito ay may taglay na bilis na 3 miles per hour ngunit hindi pa masabi kung tatawid nga ito ng kalsada. Abangan ang susunod na bulletin mamayang alas-onse ng gabi.”

Sen. Francis Escudero:Leave the chicken alone!”

Sen. Gringo Honasan:Maging manok ka muna then, let’s talk.”

Former Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez: “Hindi natin puwedeng sabihing tumawid nga ang manok dahil mahina naman talaga ang mga ebidensya!”

Dr. Margie Holmes: “Unang-una, dapat muna nating alamin kung inahin o tandang ang manok na ‘yan. Kung ito ay inahin, posibleng nakaramdam siya ng libog nang matanaw niya sa kabilang bahagi ng kalye ang isang tandang.”

UP physics major Carlo Candare: “I pulled it on its tail and threw it. Then like some pro wrestler I jumped on it and my feet landed on its torso. Slam! Felt good! But the chicken didn’t die, well not yet.”

ABS-CBN Chairman Gabby Lopez: “Chickens come and go. But the road stays.”

GMA NewsTV: “Para oras-oras, mangitlog.”

Zenaida Seva: “Hindi hawak ng mga kalye ang kapalaran ng manok. Gabay lamang sila. Meron itong free will, ginamit niya ito.”

And finally…
Former Bb. Pilipinas-World Janina San Miguel: “The chicken’s role for me is so important. Becoz, they’re was, they was the one… whoooose…. very… Ahaha Oh I’m so sorry. The chicken… the chicken… oh my god! I’m so sorry, I told you the chicken is so confident. Eto, ahm, wait! Ahahahaha! Sorry guys because it’s the first time the chicken cross the road. Because the chicken is only 17 weeks old. And, haha, I did not expect that the chicken came from… came from one of the tough hen. Soooo. But I said… dot… the chicken is one of the most important bird in my life. Thank you.”


Independence Day
Today, the whole country is celebrating Independence Day. Or as China would say, “Enjoy it while it lasts.”

Reports say Chinese Ambassador to the Philippines Liu Jianchao greeted President Aquino in Malacanang on the occasion of the country’s 113th Independence Day. Liu also thanked Aquino for being a hardworking leader of “a Chinese territory.”

Salceda’s Suggestion
In retaliation to Beijing’s “bullying” amid reported repeated intrusions of Chinese vessels in Spratly Islands and the West Philippine Sea, Albay Governor Joey Salceda has called for a boycott of all “Made in China” products. China described Salceda’s call as “an act of treason.”

World’s Shortest
The Guinness World Records has declared 18-year-old Junrey Balawing of Zamboanga Del Norte as the world’s shortest adult man. Balawing’s parents couldn’t say why Junrey just stopped growing although Malacañang believes that the previous administration may have something to do with it.

A Filipino – yup, a Filipino, has been declared the world’s shortest adult man. Take that China!
————————————————————
“Halina’t sumayaw sa ilalim ng araw
Maghawak-hawak ng kamay
Isigaw nang sabay-sabay
Kapayapaan, kapayapaan.”
~Tropical Depression, ‘Kapayapaan’

You Have Spoken
Nagbanta raw ng riot ang mga gang sa Bilibid kaya ipinagpaliban ang pag-dismantle sa motel-like kubol sa NBP. Your take:
– Tamang desisyon. Iwas gulo. 5.68%
– Simpleng-simple: Labag sa batas ang kubol, dismantle them! 86.93%
– Ano ‘yong isyu? Hindi ko nabasa. 7.39%

Elsewhere
Philippine Daily Inquirer: Who will be the next Ombudsman?

ABS-CBN: Lovers’ quarrel? PNoy cold-shoulders Juana Change

Personal
Try to catch “SRO: Suhestyon, Reaksyon at Opinyon,” the fearless, revealing, and sometimes, intriguing but otherwise entertaining program on dzMM hosted by Ms Lynda Jumilla and Alvin Elchico. It’s been my (almost) nightly habit right after 24Oras and TV Patrol.

Happy Independence Day! Have a great week ahead!

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

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