FORMER LOS ANGELES Lakers slotman Shaquille O’Neal has called it quits. Shaq was quick to clarify though that he quit for “personal reasons” and not because of a power struggle between rival factions in his team.

Sources say Shaquille O’Neal wants to go back to being a private citizen. He also dismissed rumors that he quit because of the impending return of Assistant Secretary Virginia Torres to the LTO.

Next DoTC Chief?
According to Newsbreak, defeated vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas has been offered the DoTC post to be vacated soon by Jose ‘Ping’ De Jesus. Without naming names though, President Aquino said the intended substitute asked for more time to think about the offer. Let’s all hope that by Monday, Korina Sanchez has made a decision.

First, it was the post of executive secretary, then presidential chief of staff. Now, it’s the DoTC. The President has so much trust in Mar Roxas, it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s offered the presidency.

Disputed Territory
Chinese Embassy spokesperson Michelle Zhao has denied allegations of illegal military incursions into Philippine territorial waters in the South China Sea. Out of force of habit, the Philippine government believed her.

Fish Pens
Local officials in Talisay, Batangas admit Chinese businessmen own and operate several fish cages in the area. We worry so much about South China Sea and yet, we can’t even protect Taal Lake.

Marcos Burial
Reports say Vice President Jejomar Binay has recommended full military honors for the burial of ousted dictator Ferdinand Marcos… not at the Libingan ng mga Bayani though but in Ilocos Norte. It was also recommended that the refrigerated body be carried to the cemetery by a specially designed funeral vehicle – a thaw truck.

Vice President Jejomar Binay has recommended full military honors for the burial of ousted dictator Ferdinand Marcos. A 21-gun salute will be fired by a group of seven soldiers including Carlos F. Garcia, Jacinto Ligot, George Rabusa, Roy Cimatu, and Diomedio Villanueva.

Facebook Ban
City hall employees in Makati, Parañaque, Manila, and Quezon City are no longer allowed to access their Facebook accounts and play computer games during office hours. You know what that means? Half-day na lang ang pasok! Yehey!

Local government employees in Makati, Parañaque, Manila, and Quezon City are no longer allowed to access their Facebook accounts. Disgruntled employees immediately changed their status to “It’s Complicated.”

Double Dead
Double-dead milkfish or botchang bangus that were confiscated in wet markets were brought to crocodile parks in Quezon City and Pasay. But park supervisors said they could only accommodate so much. The remaining botchang bangus are now being delivered to Congress.

Lotto Winner
The lone winner of the 356-million peso Grand Lotto jackpot is a 60-year-old slum-dwelling barangay tanod and part-time carpenter from Las Piñas City who was a recipient of the agency’s medical assistance last month, has six children, and whose siblings reside in Bicol. These vital pieces information came from PCSO General Manager Jose Ferdinand Rojas II a.k.a. Tim Yap.

Dr. Jacob “Jack” Kevorkian has died. He was 83. It wasn’t clear though if he helped himself die.

When Osama Bin Laden bumped into Dr. Kevorkian in hell, the Al Qaeda leader asked, “Want a job? My suicide bombers need help.”
“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.”
~Lance Armstrong

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang magkaroon ng divorce sa Pilipinas?
– Panahon na! 61.34%
– Hindi na kailangan! 32.91%
– Hindi ko alam. 5.75%

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

12 thoughts on “QUITTERS, INC.”

  1. si marcos ay isang presidente at sundalo na sumabak sa giyera
    kaya may karapatan siya sa lnmb, until ma revise ang manual at
    sasabihin na hindi pwede dectador at kurakot at tsaka alisin ulit
    at ibalik sa ilocos

    may kakilala nga akong sundalo na batangbata pa, kamakailan
    lang namatay dahil sa sakit at hindi man lang napasabak sa ano
    mang klaseng pagtatanggol sa bayan pero nakalibing sa lnmb,
    saan ang heroism doon?

    or, does it follow na, once you are a soldier, you are already a hero?


  2. Great decision-making by VP Binay. Portent of how good a President he can be if given the chance.

    If Mar wants to become President someday, he should not follow the usual politico path (join cabinet, become senator, etc.). Having lost the VP race (and nobody who has lost the VP race became President in our history), his best bet would have been to do a Sarah Palin and gone around the Philippines and introduce himself to Filipinos of all walks of life in every place imaginable.


  3. Bakit kasi hindi pa ilibing kung ililibng. Ilagay sa Libingan ng Bayani kung yan ang magpapasaya sa mga Marcoses. Ang pagkilala naman ng bayani ay a matter of choice – kung sa tingin ng mga Marcos bayani ang (na)sirang Presidente, e di bayani siya.

    Basta ako, mas maganda para sa akin ang malibing siya sa Libingan ng Bayani, mas madaling tapakan.


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