Advertisements

WALA LANG.

1 06 2011


May 31, 2011 is World No Tobacco Day, or as President Aquino would call it, “abstinence.”

After declaring last Friday that it would round up cigarette smokers in public places starting May 30, the MMDA yesterday said it would actually start apprehending violators beginning July 1. The change in schedule was announced by MMDA Chairman Harold Camping.

According to the Department of Health, around 240 Filipinos die every day due to tobacco-related illnesses. Those who survive either go bald or remain single for at least 51 years. Beware!

Exclusive!
The Professional Heckler Interviews President Aquino’s Lungs


The Professional Heckler: Good evening Sir!
President Aquino’s Lungs (PAL): It was!

Heckler: Ang sungit! Kasisimula pa lang, nagsusuplado na.
PAL: Ikaw kaya ang lumagay sa katayuan namin. Tingnan ko lang kung hindi uminit ang ulo mo.

Heckler: Ay oo nga pala, dalawa kayo. Eh bakit hindi nagsasalita ‘yong isa?
PAL: Masama ang pakiramdam. Nausukan nang todo kanina.

Heckler: I’m sorry to hear that. Buweno, let’s start. Ipapalabas nga pala ang panayam na ‘to sa telebisyon mamaya.
PAL: Anong channel?
Heckler: NBN 4.
PAL: Ay, cheap! Walang viewers.
Heckler: Meron naman.
PAL: Alin? ‘Yong lotto draw?
Heckler: Huwag na nating pag-usapan ‘yan. Focus na tayo sa isyu.
PAL: Go!

Heckler: Ilang taon ka na ba?
PAL: Fifty-one na noong February pero kung iyong mapapansin, mukha na akong 76. Alam mo naman ‘di ba? Smoking accelerates aging.
Heckler: Ilang beses ka ba nauusukan sa isang araw?
PAL: Depende eh. Kapag busy ang amo ko, 10 to 15 times. Pero kapag walang gaanong ginagawa, around 25.
Heckler: Kahapon, nakailan ba siya?
PAL: 30!
Heckler: Wala siyang ginagawa?!?
PAL: Ikaw ang nagsabi n’yan!

Heckler: Sa umaga ba, anong oras ka nauusukan?
PAL: Ay, late na rin. Usually 9AM. Pero pansin ko lang, nang lumabas ang balitang tinatanghali siya nang gising, maaga na siyang bumabangon! Wala pang alas-sais, gising na ‘yan.
Heckler: Ayaw mo ng gano’n?
PAL: Well, it’s good for his image pero bad for us, his lungs. Hindi pa man nakaka-toothbrush, lighter na agad ang hanap ng lolo n’yo.


Heckler: What’s the worst part of your day?
PAL: Sa gabi! Lalo na kapag nag-iisa na ‘yan? Naku! Kung makapag-yosi, akala mo katapusan na ng mundo!
Heckler: Nauunawaan n’yo naman?
PAL: Minsan. Kasi, kawawa din naman. Stressed. Single. Walang katabi sa pagtulog. Walang tatawag para magsabing, “Good night honeypie.” Walang mag-tetext ng, “Sweet dreams butterfinger. Mwah.” Walang ganun eh. So, we try to be as understanding as possible.

Heckler: But you would want to see him quit smoking.
PAL: Of course! Not just for us pero para na rin sa iba pa niyang organs.
Heckler: Like …
PAL: His sex organ.
Heckler: Can we not go there?
PAL: I mean, major turn off sa maraming girls ang chain smoking, right? Sige nga, kung ikaw ang babae… papayag ka bang maging constant date ang lalaking hindi nawawalan ng halak? Eeew!

Heckler: Eh pa’no kung ayaw mag-quit?
PAL: May choice ba kami? Wala! Hindi naman nakikinig sa amin ‘yan eh.
Heckler: Wala kayong influence sa kanya?
PAL: Zero! Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ni Peping Cojuangco.

Heckler: May galit kayo?
PAL: Galit is not the term. Siguro tampo. Sana man lang ma-realize niyang nasasaktan din kami.
Heckler: Wait, umiinom ba siya ng vitamins or any supplements?
PAL: Hindi ko sure! Pero ang lagi kong naririnig sa kanya, Guaifenesin, Dextrometorphan, Phenylpropanolamine, at kung anu-ano pang generic name na hindi ko ma-spell!

Heckler: Do the other organs share the same sentiment? May tampo rin ba sila sa inyong amo?
PAL: Not everyone! Merong isa d’yan na laging napapansin.
Heckler: Sino?
PAL: Si heart! Hay naku! Buwan-buwan, iba ang itinitibok n’yan! Lagi namang nauuwi sa wala. Hahaha
Heckler: Bitter?
PAL: Hindi naman. I’m just saying na masyado siyang nakatutok sa puso niya. Sa speeches, sa jokes, sa ambush interviews, lagi na lang love life ang topic. Like, hello! May return of emotional investment na ba? Wala!

Heckler: Kung kayo ang puso ng pangulo, anong ipapayo n’yo sa kanya?
PAL: Simpleng-simple lang. Just be yourself!
Heckler: Meaning…
PAL: Next question please.

Heckler: Teka, anong message mo sa iyong amo, ang Pangulo ng Pilipinas…
PAL: Ano ‘to, The Buzz? Startalk? Ang corny naman…
Heckler: Bilisan mo na, sayang ang oras at pagkakataon.
PAL: Kay President Aquino, ahm, hindi pa huli ang lahat bossing. Save us – your lungs, save yourself. Tigilan mo na ang paninigarilyo. Dahil kung hindi… ikaw ang titigilan namin!

Heckler: May gusto ka pang pasalamatan o batiin?
PAL: To the MMDA, keep up the good work! Maraming salamat sa anti-smoking drive n’yo. Malaking tulong ‘yan sa mga tulad namin. ‘Tsaka, in fairness sa nagma-manage ng Twitter account n’yo, ang bilis sumagot! ‘Yon lang ba talaga ang work niya? As in, maghapon? Parang bank teller?

Heckler: Wala namang Twitter account ang presidente ah. Bakit naman pati Twitter ng MMDA eh napansin mo Mr. Bagà?
PAL: Wala lung.
Heckler: Uyyy, trying to be witty.

Heckler: Bago tayo magtapos, kumusta na ang Porsche ng amo mo?
PAL: Wala akong pakialam d’yan. Mas gusto namin ang bike n’ya. It’s good for us.
Heckler: Ayaw mo sa kotse?
PAL: Ayaw! Muntik na ‘kong ‘di makahinga nang sumemplang ‘yan ‘no!
Heckler: Ibig sabihin, totoo ang tsismis na nasangkot sa aksidente ang Porsche n’ya?
PAL: Ikaw ang nagsabi n’yan, hindi ako! Teka, ba’t mo naman naitanong?
Heckler: Wala lung.
-End of Interview-

Resigned
President Aquino says he has accepted Bureau of Corrections director Ernesto Diokno’s “irrevocable resignation” otherwise known as graceful exit.

Divorce Bill
Sorsogon Rep. Salvador Escudero III says the Philippines is not yet ready for a Divorce Law. To which, his daughter-in-law Christine Flores-Escudero said, “I am!”


Heritage Tree
President Aquino declared an ancient balete in front of Malacañang as a “heritage tree.” The tree will be allotted a five-meter protection zone. The President has a soft spot for the balete because it was his childhood friend.
——————————————————————–
“Just because you’re not sick doesn’t mean you’re healthy.”
~Author Unknown

Quote of the Weak

“Itong gobyernong ito ay gustong pasukin ang kwarto ng asawa, sirain ang tahanan at pati kalikasan. Kahit isang libong beses man ikasal ang lalaki sa kapwa lalaki, hindi ito legal at hindi dapat mangyari.”
~Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz

In Memoriam

March 22, 2002 – May 31, 2011

You Have Spoken
Naniniwala ka bang maipapatupad ng MMDA ang anti-smoking drive sa Metro Manila?
-Oo naman. Political will lang ang kailangan! 26.95%
– Hindi rin. Hindi nila kayang manghuli eh. 58.16%
– Bahala na. Let’s just wait. 14.89%

Share this on Facebook and Twitter: Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter
I am also on Twitter: @HecklerForever

Have a safe day!

Advertisements

Actions

Information

20 responses

1 06 2011
Paul

Divorce was practiced in pre-Spanish Philippines and still is among many ethnic groups which luckily escaped Spanish colonialism and the Catholic influence. Legalizing it will be reclaiming a practice which is indigenous and not imposed by an exotic religion like the Catholic Church

Like

1 06 2011
hikatalomato

yeah! scrap rh bill. i like divorce bill better.

Like

2 06 2011
senior60

just as almost, if not all the subject matters that are being

debated now and are about to be debated in congress are

already practiced that’s why there is no need to pass the rh bill..

at huwag mong sabihin paul na huwag na akong sumali sa

divorce discussion dahil hindi na naman ako pwede mag divorce

pa, eh ano na lang gagawin ko, mag standby, ganuon…

Like

1 06 2011
senior60

parang si cory lang si noynoy na nakanganga

Like

5 06 2011
etchosera

Ayyyyyy!

wan my nose wan na lang talaga!

Like

1 06 2011
timpaul

just great!!! kung ang butt kaya interviewhin din. yung cigarette.

Like

1 06 2011
anon

valte was not even aware it was ‘world no smoking day’ and then said smoking was p-noys ‘pastime’.
talk about dumb and dumber.

Like

1 06 2011
Ela

Hilarious interview! Kawawang lung.

Like

1 06 2011
anon

if his brains worked as hard as his lungs then the country could make some progress.

Like

1 06 2011
god-damn-cat

hahaha ang galing bumanat ni lungs. astig!

Like

1 06 2011
OHEMGEE!

another great interview PH! =D

Like

1 06 2011
hikatalomato

quiting smoking is very easy. i tried it several times.

Like

1 06 2011
Centrino

wala lung.

Like

2 06 2011
Tenoy

I misread… I thought wala ng lung(s)

Like

2 06 2011
senior60

the other week, nag lake seeding si noynoy, ngayon naman

nag declare ng heritage tree, what great accomplishments

Like

2 06 2011
senior60

the other week, nagpasalamat si noynoy kay diokno sa paglilingkod

nito sa bayan, ngayon naman nagpasalamat si noynoy kay de jesus sa

paglilingkod nito sa bayan, what great speeches

Like

2 06 2011
Centrino

Kapag hindi naman nagpapasalamat sasabihin mo ingrato, walang modu. hehe

Like

2 06 2011
maxrafael

Ayos lang sa akin na nagyoyosi ang aking Presidente kasi:

1. Nalilimutan niyang walang siyang katabi pag gabi;
2. Nagkakaroon siya ng mahabang P.O. (patay oras) time; at higit sa lahat
3. Napapagkamalan siyang me ginagawa. Di ba pag nakakita ka ng isang taong nag-iisa sa isang sulok, me yosing hawak, iisipin in deep thought yung tao. O di ba productive naman yung pagyoyosi, napansin niya yung isang KSP na tree sa Malakanyang;

Like

3 06 2011
Anonymous

senior60 for president! baka yayaman pilipinas!

Like

4 06 2011
senior60

ano ba ang dapat na violent reaction dito ?

what have i done ba to merit this nomination ?

me ganuon? hehe

Like

Say something...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: