HIGHS AND LOWS

Big Leap
President Barack Obama’s approval rating soared the day after Americans learned that Osama bin Laden had been killed by U.S. forces. In fact, the 9-point ratings surge was enough to surpass the approval rating of Kate Middleton’s wedding gown.

Big Drop
According to the Social Weather Stations, the Aquino government’s net satisfaction rating plummeted to 46 percent in March from a record high 64 percent in the previous quarter. The President has ordered the AFP to start looking for a notorious terrorist to kill.

Osama, 54: A Postscript
President Obama has decided not to release gruesome photos of slain al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. But because of pressure from skeptics, he has ordered Vice President Jejomar Binay to do a survey on the issue.


This photo shows top US government officials inside the White House Situation Room during the strike on Osama bin Laden’s compound. This is how a Situation Room looks like; not the one we saw last August 2010 at Emerald Garden Restaurant.

Unconfirmed reports say militant group Greenpeace is not at all happy with Osama bin Laden’s burial. The group cited a law against dumping human waste at sea.

US authorities have reason to believe that a defeated presidential candidate from the Philippines was present during Osama bin Laden’s burial. This, after US soldiers spotted a volunteer distributing bracelets.

Q: Via text, what did Osama bin Laden tell Abu Sayyaf Group spokesman Abu Sabaya?
A: Sea you there.


From Baker to Billionaire 
Official records show Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao is now the richest member of the House of Representatives. Another loss for the Villars.

Eight-division world champion Manny Pacquiao is the first billionaire member of Congress. And perhaps, the first and only multimillionaire solon who acquired his fortune through honest means.


Tearful Farewell
It was an emotional farewell for resigned Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez. Teary-eyed employees, colleagues, friends and everyone who loved her lined up to give her a hug. It got awkward though when retired Major General Carlos F. Garcia appeared and queued up too.

Resigned Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez announced her plan of putting up a website where ordinary people could report anomalous government transactions. Gutierrez made it clear though she’ll accept information only from unimpeachable sources.

Top 5 Rejected Domain Names for Outgoing Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez’s Website

No. 5: http://www.crushnirudyfariñasnoongcollege.ph

No. 4: http://www.walanamankayongsapatnaebidensya.gov

No. 3: http://www.ehdimagreklamokayosalolomongpanot.net

No. 2: http://www.myloyaltyiswithattorneyFG.org

And the No. 1 rejected domain name for outgoing Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez’s website…

http://www.studyingnoynoysEnticingoffertoturnstatewitness.com

Last Day
Outgoing Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez will step down on Friday, May 6. Her critics say “Dapat lang! Inupuan n’ya kasi ang maraming kaso.” To which her disappointed husband said, “’Buti pa ‘yong mga kaso.”

Hot!
On Wednesday, May 4, PAGASA recorded the year’s highest temperature . It was  a really hot day in Metro Manila. The only wet place yesterday was the Office of the Ombudsman.

The recorded temperature of 36.5 degrees Celsius on May 4th was the year’s highest so far. The weather was so hot… when Vicki Belo stepped outside, she melted.

And Wednesday’s weather was extremely hot, Sharon Cuneta stayed outside to burn some fat.

Weak
According to the 2010 Global Integrity Report, the Philippines is “very weak” in governance. “Dear Global Integrity Report, do us a favor please. Tell us something we didn’t know. Thank you.”

Wage Hike
Reports say the Employers Confederation of the Philippines is willing to give a P13.35 daily wage hike. Understandably, workers are up in arms. The amount can’t even buy Cornetto ice cream.

Charged!
Rosel Jakosalem Peñas, the female companion of actress Pilar Pilapil when she was attacked, has been charged with special complex crime of kidnapping with frustrated murder. Authorities have yet to arrest Peñas but Antipolo police are doing their best to locate her. In fact, they have started surveillance in Abbottabad.
——————————————————
“A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.”
~Richard Nixon

Balls in Trouble
A popular college hoopster from an even more popular school is in hot water for an alleged sex-related offense. That probably explains his absence from an ongoing tournament. The issue has been a hot topic in online forums for a couple of months now. Different versions of the story have surfaced. Even officials and players from other universities are well aware of the “situation.” Terms such as “rape,” “sexual harassment,” and even, “consensual” have been used in the heated online discussions. Not so surprisingly, the school is mum on the matter. And even the country’s most outspoken and talkative sportscasters have chosen to zip their lips. May pinu-protektahan? May pinapanigan? Paging Gabriela!

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Learn. Lead. Live. Laugh. Love. Los Angeles Lakers.
Enjoy the rest of the week.

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

76 thoughts on “HIGHS AND LOWS”

  1. More musings from malacanang.

    It has been a busy week – for others.

    When gutless gave me her resignation i jumped for joy. Joy unfortunately did not want a jump. Story of my life.

    I have new PR consultant. He is going to create a new image for me. Intellectual workaholic and man of the people. In other words, lie.

    I am as popular as ever in the bars and restaurants of makati. My people love me.

    The new comelec chair is an ICT expert. A bit worried when he used an abacus to work out his expenses.

    Kris is planning her 2013 campaign. Strategy – accept any endorsements which pay well and airbrush the photos.

    Off to ASEAN meeting. Spratlys my top item. Uncle wants the oil rights.

    Arroyo had secret stop in dominican republic. Mmm.
    You can buy residency and passport there and secrecy of bank accounts. Now i know where you are planning the hide the money you stole.

    If my cabinet secretaries can all build luxury houses on 30,000 monthly salary. Why do people want a pay increase.

    Must go. Text from shalani.
    The power i have over women. My people love me.

    Like

  2. PNoy’s 18 percent drop in rating in just one quarter is an indication that tagging on your mother’s skirt to be popular does not produce sustainable result. Unfortunately that’s the only thing he can hang on to. It looks like he will be a lame duck even before the second quarter of his term.

    Like

    1. Sad, but true.
      And although he does not drink, he is becoming a fixture at the late night bars in makati. So much for wanting privacy!
      His craving for affection, attention and approval has clouded his judgement.

      Hard work, decisions, and achievements would serve him, and the country much better than ego massaging by sycophants and hiring a very expensive pr guru from the us.

      Like

      1. Even with such drastic drop in rating, the Filipinos are still very kind to PNoy considering the hefty rise of prices, poverty level, hunger incidence corruption index and inability to fight corruption within just 10 months of office. Or maybe most are just masochist

        Like

      1. his fixers and hangers-on are rubbing their hands at the prospect of a senator pacquaio and the ‘deals’ to be done, and he wont even have to turn up. suggest he gets new advisors

        Good luck to pacquio in his defence of – tax irregularities.

        Pacman hopes to have a duet with charice.
        Charice hopes he keeps his wandering hands and dirty thoughts to himself!

        “Boxing is the mutual infliction of brain injury by the uneducated poor for the entertainment of the sadistic rich”
        cynics dictionary

        Like

      2. o come on hikata, are you serious? on the reason why
        pacquiao is on top?

        mapanindigan mo ito in court? alam mo kasi hikata, we
        maybe just heckling here but we should not abuse, sa
        truth lang tayo, alam mo na, ako for one is as gullible as
        carmen and i am on the verge of believing and certainly
        this is a great disservice to pacquiao na sweat and tears
        ang ginugol just to bring honor to our country

        teka lang muna, nasaan na ba ako etchosera

        Like

  3. Imagine the Philippine president, leader of a 90million people more than half of them wallowing in poverty, granting an interview to an over-rated news reader, to answer questions about favorite food, favorite filipino actress, favorite filipino actors, favorite hollywood stars, and other silly questions? And the interview lingers to the Philippine president’s evasive answers about his dates with women, until the over-rated news reader asked His Excellency the Philippine President to endorse the news reader’s copycat late night show to Philippine televiwers? How these two people can denigrate the Office of the President into a so-so office, when it is supposed to be a seat of power and national symbol of the Republic. Very disappointed with the President. Very lousy chief executive. Ramon Tulfo says he starts the day at 10am, and leaves office early into the night.

    Like

      1. They too must have been victimized by poverty, hunger, corruption, inflation, criminality and weak governance which have all intensified in the past 10 months. My sympathy is with them. Or maybe they do not just want to be mistaken as part of the infamous Communication Group

        Like

  4. No if’s, just butts.

    Everyone wants to see the photos. No not bin laden. The belo butt ones.

    ‘Well-known plastic surgery
    practitioner Dr. Vicki Belo sued for
    fraud over butt augmentation
    Posted May 05, 2011 18:14:00
    Julie M. Aurelio
    Philippine Daily Inquirer’

    Asked for comment belo said – ” its a bum rap “. Belo who has been plugging butts for many years has become the butt of all jokes as her patients ends up with the joke of all butts. ‘ its so hard i could crack coconuts with it, and so big people nearby think there is a solar eclipse’

    Like

  5. I guess kaya hindi pinag-uusapan yung issue ni Romantic Baller is because it is a non-issue. Nasalisihan lang ni Baller yung teammate nya and naturally nagalit si teammate kasi tinalo yung GF nya. Nag-away lang sila. That’s it. Wala naman rape or anything. The girl claimed pa nga daw na wala na sila ni teammate when it happened. So it’s a personal thing between and among them kaya walang issue ito. Madaming ganitong cases lalo na sa mga player mapa PBA or NBA. Benjie Paras and Tony Parker for instance. SO WALANG ISSUE…….

    Like

  6. Big Drop
    According to the Social Weather Stations, the Aquino government’s net satisfaction rating plummeted to 46 percent in March from a record high 64 percent in the previous quarter. The President has ordered the AFP to start looking for a notorious terrorist to kill.

    And in the tradition of reel to real, the above just came true with the police arresting a supposed Abu Sayaff member employed as a Taguig security guard. After all is said and done, police will find our (in case they still don’t know) that it’s just a case of mistaken identity. But in the rush to do an “Obama got Osama” PNoy version …

    Like

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