30 04 2011

The Royal Wedding
Prince William and Kate Middleton wed at Westminster Abbey in London Friday. The wedding ceremony was calm, peaceful, and orderly. However, the mass was briefly interrupted when the Archbishop of Canterbury ordered RH bill supporters to leave the Church because “it’s useless”.

Britain’s Prince William and his wife Kate, Duchess of Cambridge ride in a landau to Buckingham Palace after the Royal Wedding in London Friday. The newlyweds were supposed to ride a Porsche but William feared that doing so would pull down his approval and trust ratings.

Friday’s event in London was dubbed as a fairytale wedding. You have a future king, a future queen, and of course, a wicked witch. I’m not saying who. By the way, did you notice Camilla Parker Bowles’ hat?

Observers say the William and Kate romance is a Cinderella story. In fact, if you were watching closely, you would have noticed the pumpkin during the wedding. Here’s the photo.

Why Her?
Prince William and Kate Middleton got married Friday in London. A few weeks earlier, William proposed to Kate live on Wowowee.

Asked why she chose Kate, Prince William – to the surprise of the international media answered in Filipino, “Siya yung nagpatigil sa pagka-binata ko.”

By the way, to those who are asking: there’s no truth to rumors that William is running in the next elections.

Exchange of Vows
Prince William and Kate Middleton exchanged vows at Westminster Abbey Friday morning. Everyone who was invited showed up. Observers noticed though that William forgot to invite some of his… hair.

Prince William and Kate Middleton were declared man and wife at London’s Westminster Abbey Friday morning. Donald Trump – who failed to catch the ceremony on TV refused to believe that the wedding actually happened and demanded that the couple produce a marriage certificate.

This just in: London has reported a 40 percent increase in the sales of hats on wedding day alone.

The World Watched
Fascinated by Friday’s historic London event, Sen. Loren Legarda is reportedly looking forward to having her own Royal Wedding. After all, she’s a monarch… butterfly.

According to the international media, what took place on Friday morning at Westminster Abbey was the “Wedding of the Century.” Just wait ‘til our very own Piolo Pascual and KC Concepcion walk down the aisle! It will be the “Wedding of the Century… tuna.”

In Miami, LeBron James was up early to watch the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. But the Heat star reportedly got pissed and turned off the TV during the exchange of vows. He got jealous of Kate’s ring.

Aquino on William & Kate
Through his spokesman Edwin Lacierda, President Aquino said Prince William and Kate Middleton “must make adjustments so that their marriage foundation can be established.” To which, William and Kate replied:“Thank you Archbishop Oscar Cruz!” .

April 29, 2011 was a historic day indeed. In London, Prince William and Kate Middleton got married. In Manila, Merceditas Gutierrez and the Office of the Ombudsman got divorced.

OMG Resigns
On Friday, April 29, 2011, embattled Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez resigned. She read a prepared statement at a press conference held around 2pm. Unfortunately, she refused to answer questions from journalists, and immediately left… to attend a Royal Wedding viewing party.

Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez’s resignation drew mixed reactions from former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s allies. House Minority Leader Edcel Lagman said, “One who retreats from a good fight does not deserve to be defended or supported.” Quezon Representative Danilo Suarez stated, “Her family could not endure the pressure and I agreed that resignation was her only choice.” Senator Miguel Zubiri said, “Hmpf! I wanted to wear pa naman that magenta toga. Kainezz!”

Professor Harry Roque, one of the first to call for the impeachment of Gutierrez is hoping that her replacement “will embrace the challenge for the Ombudsman to deal with human rights violations.” He then enumerated the human rights violations committed by the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas against his client, Banco Filipino.

News of Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez’ resignation reached Westminster Abbey. Did you know what the wedding guests said? “Hats off!”

Birth Certificate
President Barack Obama has released his birth certificate to prove that he was born in the United States. Critics weren’t satisfied though. They want him to release an alleged psychiatric report from college to prove that he’s fit to govern.

In Washington DC, the White House has released a document that proves that President Obama was born in the United States. Meanwhile, in Manila, Malacañang will release a document that will prove that Jejomar Binay is not the president of the Philippines.

Good News
Palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda says Malacañang has “good news” on Labor Day but he won’t reveal it yet. Be patient. It would leak.

Top 5 Pieces of “Good News” to be Announced by Malacañang on Labor Day

No. 5: More court cases against former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

No. 4: President Aquino is going out with a new girl… but unlike the ladies he dated recently, this one’s into him.

No. 3: To complement the Pantawid Pasada cards for drivers, the government will distribute Pantawid Kusina cards for housewives, Pantawid Dagat for fisherfolks, Pantawid Kalsada for street children, and Pantawid Aliw for prostitutes.

No. 2: Prince William and Kate Middleton have chosen the Philippines as their honeymoon destination.

And the No. 1 piece of “good news” to be announced by Malacañang on Labor Day…

President Aquino is the son of Ninoy and he’s releasing a copy of his birth certificate to prove it.

Laperal Compound
The demolition of informal settlers at the Laperal compound in Makati City turned violent Thursday. In the morning, stubborn residents clashed with the police. In the afternoon, stubborn mayor Junjun Binay clashed with DILG Sec. Jesse Robredo.

Melendez vs. Meneses
Bulacan, Bulacan Mayor Patrick Meneses has filed a libel suit against his ex-girlfriend, actress and former Quezon City councilor Aiko Melendez for allegedly spreading rumors he’s gay. Meneses then excused himself from the press saying he needs to go home to catch the latest episode of Glee.

In support of their “maligned” colleague, local executives in Bulacan have signed a resolution declaring former Quezon City Councilor Aiko Melendez persona non grata in the whole province. Sought for comment, Melendez says she has yet to consult a lawyer and a dictionary.
“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”
~Zsa Zsa Gabor

You Have Spoken
Ano ang pinaka-tinututukan mong local all-news channel?
-AksyonTV (TV5) 4.03%
-ANC (ABS-CBN) 33.21%
-GMA News TV (GMA 7) 34.74%
-Depende sa palabas. I switch channels. 28.02%

Share this on Facebook and Twitter: Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter
You may also follow me on Twitter by clicking here.

Have a safe weekend! Let’s go Lakers!




24 responses

30 04 2011

PH, you’re incredibly funny! 😉


30 04 2011

Salamat Jovita. I like the name. 🙂


30 04 2011

i agree.
a national treasure.
and you dont have to go underground to appreciate and enjoy the nuggets.


30 04 2011
ANAK NG WEDDING! « The Professional Heckler | Pnoy Talks

[…] the original post here: ANAK NG WEDDING! « The Professional Heckler This entry was posted in Gloria, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, Merceditas Gutierrez and tagged […]


30 04 2011

Musings from malacanang

Labor day – i will be pretending to work as usual

Labor day good news – there isnt any but it wont stop me making something up.

Love life – there isnt any but it wont stop me making one up.

Family matters – josh and i are on the same wavelength but he is more mature than me so i respect his advice on macroeconomics and international diplomacy.

Kris’s new affair is keeping her busy and out of the news. Pity it wont last.

Uncle is happy that i am helping him turn luzon into cojuangco archipelago. Maybe he will give me another car.

Personal appeal – puno, come home soon. Lacson and i are just good friends, i promise, and his cooking is awful.

Music – was given pacman’s new record. It made me cry – in pain.

Royal wedding – i notice that they dont urinate in the streets in london. We should stop doing it in manila. It might help our tourist image


30 04 2011

What if si Pnoy naman ang ikasal? Wedding of the century…egg?

Nice post, BTW. As usual.


30 04 2011

loren ‘notice me,please’ legarda
her solution to world and national problems. ban carrier bags!.
what insight and intellect.
collect 200 million pesos next time you pass the recycling bin


30 04 2011

…dpat ipa-realize ni sec. robredo ky mayor j. binay that he has absolute administrative power over city mayors and police force.

…otherwise gawin nang “makati republic” ng mga binays and lugar nila just to make a point. tutal ayaw din nman nilang sumunod kahit sa traffic scheme ng MMDA d b?


30 04 2011

Makati is already Binay Incorporated. No capital and operating expenses charged to the taxpayers. Its all profits


2 05 2011

too bad for makati. skynet will nuke you first, like the rest of financial centers around the world.


30 04 2011

i’m all for what Binay Jr. is doing sa Laperal residents, but i can’t help but wonder if his move is (more?) influenced by political motives. for the past years, Binay Sr. let the Laperal residents stay dahil malaking voter base yun which proved to be pro Binay.. but last elections, if i’m not mistaken, nakuha ng kalaban nila yun or at the very least, nahirapan sila when the Laperal residents went for Mercado. hmm..


30 04 2011

Binay’s moves are only for his family interests. Even the birthday cakes that he gives to senior citizens and paid by the taxpayers are brought from his daughter’s bakeshop


2 05 2011

hahaha natural paul, bakit ka pa bibili sa iba kung

mayroon ka naman, dapat, in the first place hindi

pinayagan magkaroon ng bakashop ang daughter,

me ganuon?


30 04 2011

P-noy promises to announce good news on labor day. (just like he promised to reshuffle the cabinet in february!)
Some possibilities

Usec puno has been found.

Pacman to be barred from singing in public

P-noy to stop making promises.

Ochoa has stopped drinking. ( before lunchtime)

More jobs to be created – for his family members, and for luxury house builders needed by cabinet secretaries

The straw man will lead his followers down the yellow brick road on a doomsday parade

P-noy is having textual relations with shalani – (according to her last week) At his age 1 text a month is enough. His digit soon gets tired. Expect an ipad in 9 months.

Binay has been charged with securing the spratly islands. P-noy has been charged with giving the oil rights to his uncle.


30 04 2011

the poison dwarf abroad on a speaking engagement!!
she cant say a word in her own country.
i think you will find there is no such engagement just a trip to usa to hide the paper trail and the money and to meet with lawyers.
if only we had investigative reporters and not media sheep.


1 05 2011

“she cant say a word in her own country.”
>>No Man Is a Prophet in His Own Land. ahihihi!


1 05 2011

papaanong nagiging hat ang tawag doon sa, the one that

one of the queen’s grand daughter wore, at ang suot din ng

kanyang tabain na sister, hat nga pero, ah ewan


3 05 2011

Ang laki ng problema mo Senior!


1 05 2011

wais din itong si resigned omg, itinaon ang kanyang pag

resign while the world was watching “the wedding” para hindi

ma focus sa kanya ang attention ng madla


1 05 2011

Yan ang tinatawag na — Diversion. #walalang #justsaying


1 05 2011

kailan kaya ulit makakita ang mundo ng ganitong kasalan,

na, for one, ang mga puno sa labas were transferred inside the

church, maybe 25 t0 30 years after? kung magka baby sina william

and kate? kaya the world went gaga at tama lang na ang mga tv stations

ay nagkandauga sa pag cover the event


1 05 2011

p-noy on labor day
” i wont promise what can’t be done”

maybe he should visit the aquino promises tracker. 100 promises during campaign and not one achieved and few even started.

101 if you include the promise to shalani.

suggests he looks up integrity in the dictionary.

happy labor day!!


2 05 2011

mister heckler, napagod yata mga commenters mo sa

dalawang sunodsunod na mga events, ang dami pa naman

sanang dapat paguusapan sa itaas or baka nireserba nila

kanilang energy sa album at fight ni pacquiao


2 05 2011

With the resignation of gutless, PAL have lost one of their best customers. 60 business class flights in 60 months – mainly long haul to US, spending a total of 18 months abroad – 1 trip was 6 months alone! No wonder no cases were prosecuted. All info provided by NBI.


Say something...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: