SINGLE

Aquino & Cruz
President Aquino still refuses to comment on Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz’ advice for him to stay single. When it comes to romance, the President listens to Mother Mary – the only virgin he trusts.

Easter Message
In his Easter Sunday message, CBCP president and Tandag Bishop Nereo Odchimar called on the public to “not be selfish as to deprive others of their right to live.” And then, in his personal Easter text message to Archbishop Cruz, he asked him to “not be selfish as to deprive Noynoy of his right to love.”


Maundy Thursday
President Aquino and his Cabinet staged a modern version of the Last Supper last Thursday. DSWD Secretary Dinky Soliman fed the apostles. Executive Sec. Paquito Ochoa drank all the wine.

Easter Sunday
The Philippine National Police and the NBI played Easter egg hunt on Sunday. As expected, they failed to locate the eggs.

Visita Iglesia
With more than 130,000 page views, the CBCP’s Visita Iglesia website was a huge hit. That’s not surprising though since it’s the only place where Catholics could mute or stop a bishop during a sermon.

According to the CBCP, more than 130,000 joined Visita Iglesia online. Catholics actually liked the experience. They had the chance to reflect between tweets.

Pacquiao’s Single
Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao is training hard to punish Sugar Shane Mosley on May 7. But before that, he is set to punish us all with the global release of  “Sometimes When We Touch” on April 28.

Singer/songwriter Dan Hill says Many Pacquiao’s recording of “Sometimes When We Touch” “was like wow!” To put that in perspective, Hill was paid millions of dollars  in royalty.

Congressman Manny Pacquiao is releasing the single “Sometimes When We Touch” globally on April 28. Your days are numbered… Rebecca Black!

Bieber Blunder
During a concert in Malaysia last April 21, international teen pop star Justin Bieber greeted the crowd, “Hello Manila!” To be fair to Justin, he thought he was in Sabah.
————————————-
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
~Emo Philips

April 24th
On this day in…

1982: Kelly Clarkson was born. The attending physician said Kelly was in her element. And her first cry… was perhaps the best cry of the night in that hospital. She really made it her own.

1942: Barbra Streisand was born. Baby Barbra weighed 5 lbs… and that was her nose alone!

1998: ABC confirmed that it was canceling the TV series “Ellen.” Ellen DeGeneres then met with GMA 7’s Felipe Gozon for a possible transfer but TV5’s Manny Pangilinan had a better offer.

2005: Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was inaugurated as the 265th Pope of the Roman Catholic Church. After the inauguration, he went straight to a street party and performed on stage with his college friends.

2005: Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was inaugurated as the 265th Pope. Everyone was invited to the inaugural… except for Chief Justice Renato Corona.

2005: Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was inaugurated as the 265th Pope of the Roman Catholic Church. The event started a bit early so the Vatican had to ask Noel Cabangon to sing a couple more songs.


You Have Spoken
Ano ang reaksyon mo sa rekomendasyon ng Ombudsman na kasuhan sina Bolante, Lorenzo, atbp kaugnay ng fertilizer fund scam?
Puwede na rin ‘yon. At least, kakasuhan. 25.27%
Bakit ngayon lang? Huli na! Gimmick lang ‘yan. 69.35%
Wala akong pakialam. 5.38%

Bonus!
Narito ang pampasuwerteng hula para sa inyo ngayong Easter Sunday! Right click here.

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Have a wonderful and safe week ahead!

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

41 thoughts on “SINGLE”

      1. enjoy na ako d2 (sa ngayon!)….kaloka ang Good Friday dito…
        Noon, marinig mo ang mga tao na papara ng mga tricyle, ang sasabihin, “Parraaa!!! Sa simbahan!”….Ngayon, ang sasabihin, “Parraaa!! Dalhin mo ako sa sabungan!”….kaloka talaga!

        Daming gwapo d2, kaya lang ang role ko ngayon ay Tya Dely…taga-pagpayo sa mga teen-ager na magkaroon ng ambisyon..karamihan d2 ayaw mag-aral gusto magpastol lang ng kalabaw at baka…

        Like

  1. A sneak preview of the best selling iphone app – the moron test – adapted for the philippines.

    I know it does not apply to ph followers, only carmen pedrosa.

    The moron test – philippines

    Answer all questions – ‘yes’ or ‘no’
    (if you dont understand the instructions, or questions, then you fail)

    1. Do you watch willing willie, or have you ever bought his cd.
    2. Did you vote manny pacquio, or will you buy his cd.
    3. Do you believe condoms are water carriers, or for drug mules.
    4. Do you believe aquino will keep his promises, and that he is not gay.
    5. Are you addicted to rice. (you must have twice a day, or if not, you beat your wife)
    6. Everything is in gods hands. Agree?
    7. The country is on the verge of being 1st world
    8. F marcos is a hero and should be buried and then resurrected as president
    9. Freedom of information act is unnecessary when you have an open and transparent government
    10. Do you have a pussy, cat.
    11. Have you slept with kris aquino

    How did you do.
    Number of ‘yes’ answers
    0. future anarchist
    1-2. Normal – but not cool
    3-4. Change, before it is too late
    5-7. You were dropped on your head as a child
    8-9. You were last in line when giving out brains
    10. Future politician
    11. You must be a senator, mayor, or sportsman. You take the meaning of moron to new levels.

    Results so far
    0. 3
    1-2. 1000
    3-4. 10,000
    5-7. 10,000,000
    8-9. 20,000,000
    10. 50,000,000
    11. 49 & counting

    Like

  2. The catholic church

    As i daydreamed during the sermon today i thought the church could teach microsoft a thing or two.
    Global business
    Mainly cash
    No tax
    Low salaries and overheads
    Customer loyalty
    Little competition
    And best of all – if the product (redemption in the afterlife) turns out to be a con trick – you cant sue, youre dead. Clever these catholics

    Like

  3. Former Sec Lorenzo (brother of a top PNOY campaign contributor) was obviously included as a way to hit back at the administration.

    Smart move if you ask me.

    OMG may actually be a good Ombudsman under circumstances. Best is to have somebody fair. But I would settle for somebody not in good terms with administration (to serve as a real check to the government). OMG will just have to somehow erase its tag as a GMA puppet. By filing cases against former GMA officials (Lorenzo, Bolante, et al.), it might be on its way.

    Let’s see if OMG will actually file a case against GMA herself or even members of her immediate family (like FG). If she does that (and it’s an airtight case, not one destined to be dismissed), then we may have a good Ombudsman already.

    Like

      1. anong incisive sinasabi mo paul, ang gulogulo nga ng
        mga nililitanya ni anon, sometimes, para bang kinakausap
        nya sarili lang nya hahaha

        ako, i have this feeling na gusto lang ni anon sindakin ang
        mga commenters ni mister heckler with her kind of unusual
        writing, and if i cannot understand, definitely that’s a waste
        of my time..

        but one thing is for sure, si anon ay puno ng bitterness,
        hindi kaya sya dumaan sa matinding bad situation noong
        kanyang kabataan at puro negative vibes ang baon nya dito?

        just asking

        p.s. basahin nyo nga ulit ang isang post nya above, naloka
        ako, gumugol ako ng panahon hindi ko talaga na gets hahahahaha

        or, talagang mahina lang talaga ako, anong say mo etchsera

        Like

    1. why should i be envious?

      i don’t have plenty of money but i don’t steal and cheat to earn them

      i don’t have a mansion but i have a home with morally inclined people living with me

      i don’t have a car but i am not confined to a wheelchair for the rest of my life

      as i get poorer, the more friends i make. i don’t think pakyaw can do that.

      i don’t have a wife but i have a refrigerator that doesn’t fart when i pull my meat out

      i don’t have the physique like pakyaw but i have this d*ck capable of grating a coconut

      Like

  4. You Have Spoken
    Ano ang reaksyon mo sa rekomendasyon ng Ombudsman na kasuhan sina Bolante, Lorenzo, atbp kaugnay ng fertilizer fund scam?
    Puwede na rin ‘yon. At least, kakasuhan. 25.27%
    Bakit ngayon lang? Huli na! Gimmick lang ‘yan. 69.35%
    Wala akong pakialam. 5.38%

    So mostly believes that OMG should really leave her post. Kapal lang ng FEZ niya kasi… haist!

    Like

  5. di ba ang main purpose ng visita iglesia ay sort of
    pagpepenitensya kaya nga you have to be physically
    present to visit several churches..

    ngayon, kung nag oonline ka lang, sitting pretty sa
    bahay, where does the penitensya comes in..

    alam mo ba etchosera? kung hindi, matanong nga
    mga promotor nito…

    Like

    1. Ayyy! Bakit ako na naman?

      Ah basta ako, nung semana santa may mga Visita….. pero di Iglesia ang kanilang apelyido! Pinakain ko sila sa haus, bilang kawang gawa ng inyong lingkod!

      Pagkakain, ang sabi ba naman.. “Kami naman ang kainin mo!”

      Ayyyy! Aikonga! Di nga ba bawal daw ang karne pag Semana Santa?

      Holi cow!

      Like

  6. “di ba ang main purpose ng visita iglesia ay sort of
    pagpepenitensya kaya nga you have to be physically
    present to visit several churches..”
    senior 60

    tama ka dyan.. pero ang i mo pansin ang target ooodynzz..mga ocw.. lalo na sa mid-east….bawal..alam mo na…so…be happy of what is availabele…though we cherish to do the actual but reality permits the online…so..ok na ok…

    Like

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