HOLY WEAK 2011


Modernong Talasalitaan:
Holy Week Edition

Makabagong kahulugan ng mga salita, parirala o pangungusap batay sa mga kaganapan sa ating kapaligiran. Ang kahulugan ay maaaring madagdagan, mabawasan, o maiba depende sa mga susunod na pangyayari.

1. Mahal na Araw
Ang karaniwang tawag sa huling pitong araw ng Kuwaresma o Lent.
Tumutukoy rin sa sitwasyong kinasasadlakan ngayon ng maraming Pilipino.
Halimbawa:
Lalaki 1: Pareng Cesar, pahiram naman ng 500, pambili lang ng gatas ni Junior.
Lalaki 2: Pasensya na pareng Andoy. Kulang pang pambili ng bigas at asukal ang pera ko eh. Mahal na Araw kasi. Nagtaasan nang lahat.

2. Penitensya
Isang tradisyong ginagawa ng mga Katoliko tuwing Semana Santa.
Tumutukoy rin sa pang-araw-araw na karanasan ng mga ordinaryong Pilipino dahil sa kabiguan ng kasalukuyang pamahalaang pigilan ang pagtaas ng presyo ng gasolina at bilihin, toll rate, pamasahe sa taxi, tren, jeep, at tricycle, gayundin ang bayarin sa tubig at kuryente,
Halimbawa:
Reporter: Mang Mario, magpi-penitensya ho ba kayo ngayong Biyernes Santo?
Lalaki: Bakit? Hindi pa ba sapat ang araw-araw na penitensya ko? Give me a break, would you? (Sa sobrang inis, nag-Ingles tuloy si Mang Mario)

3. Kalbaryo
Ang lugar kung saan namatay si Jesus ayon sa Bibliya.
Tumutukoy rin sa lugar na kinaroroonan ngayon ng malaking populasyon ng mga Pilipino.
Halimbawa:
Teacher: Kulasa De La Cruz! Where do you live?
Pupil: Good morning ma’am! Sabi po ng nanay at tatay ko, nasa kalbaryo daw po kami.
Teacher: Very good! Pareho tayo! O s’ya, bili ka na ng tocino ko.

4. Visita Iglesia
Isang tradisyong ginagawa ng mga Katoliko tuwing Mahal na Araw.
Tumutukoy rin sa tradisyong ginagawa ng mga trapo tuwing panahon ng eleksyon.
Halimbawa:
Reporter: Congressman, sa’n ang lakad n’yo? Bihis na bihis kayo ah.
Congressman: Ahhh d’yan lang. Magbi-Visita Iglesia ako. Alam mo naman kung gaano kahalaga ang bloc voting ‘di ba?


Semana Santa
It’s that annual Roman Catholic tradition again. As in the previous years, some political figures and government officials are participating in various Holy Week activities.

Former AFP chiefs of staff Efren Abu, Roy Cimatu, and Diomedio Villanueva are organizing a senakulo. They want former military budget officer George Rabusa to play Judas.

The Ligot couple has been reportedly dropped from a senakulo production in their community. They keep forgetting their lines.

There’s a brewing competition between the AFP and Congress in this year’s passion play. Only two are required to play the role of thieves but so many are qualified for the part.

In Makati City, the senakulo will feature Vice President Jejomar Binay… in a special role in which he will attempt to stop the crucifixion of Jesus. In the end though, he’s going to fail.

Retired Major General Carlos F. Garcia is playing Barabbas. He looks forward to striking a deal with Pontius Pilate for a lesser offense.

Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile auditioned for several roles but was rejected repeatedly. Organizers say he is best suited to play Methuselah but that’s not one of the characters in the play.

President Aquino has declined an invitation to participate in a modern senakulo in Tarlac. In one of the scenes, he is required to decide where to bury Hestas, one of the thieves. So as not to disappoint the organizers, he asked Vice President Binay to decide for him instead.

In the news

Vice President Jejomar Binay visited actress Pilar Pilapil in the hospital last Saturday. Binay told her, “’Wag kang mag-alala, iso-solve ito ng pulis.” To which, Pilapil said, “Salamat po Mr. DILG secretary!”

Vice President Jejomar Binay visited alleged carjacking, and stabbing victim Pilar Pilapil in the hospital last Saturday. In totally unrelated news, Mar Roxas is planning to visit the wake of teen actor AJ Perez soon.

Probers say the stabbing of actress Pilar Pilapil could possibly be a case of carjacking, kidnapping or plain robbery. In short, “we’re not sure.”


Marcos Burial
As instructed by President Aquino, Vice President Binay is now studying the issue of whether or not former President Ferdinand Marcos should be buried at the Libingan ng mga Bayani. Binay is conducting a survey via email or text message. Ang tanong: Saan ninyo gustong itirik ang dating pangulo?

Just Now
The Ombudsman has recommended the filing of charges against former Agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante, former Agriculture chief Cito Lorenzo and several others for the alleged misuse of the government’s fertilizer funds. In totally unrelated news, the Vatican is filing charges against those responsible for the death of Jesus Christ.

Black Saturday
President Aquino is studying whether to declare April 23, Black Saturday a holiday. If by Tuesday, he couldn’t still come up with a decision, he’ll just ask Vice President Jejomar Binay to decide.

Briefly Noted
Did she change her birth name? According to the Philippine Star’s tabloid, Pilipino Star Ngayon, Pilar Pilapil’s real name is Crispina Martinez-Belen. Ano raw? The only Crispina Martinez-Belen I know is the entertainment editor of the Manila Bulletin. To the reporter and editor of Pilipino Star Ngayon, naimbento na po ang Google. Libre po ito. Gamitin n’yo.


—————————————————–
“All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.”
~Cathy Ladman

In Memoriam
Antonello Joseph “AJ” Perez
February 17, 1993 – April 17, 2011
The ABS-CBN teen star was killed in a vehicular accident in Tarlac before dawn Sunday, April 17, 2011. His last post on Twitter reads, “On the way home already from Dagupan. Long drive ahead.”

Long drive ahead indeed. RIP AJ.

You Have Spoken
Gusto mo bang bumalik sa telebisyon si Willie Revillame?
– Oo naman. Pagbigyan natin. Promise, last na ‘to. 12.16%
– Isang malaking NOOOO! ‘Di siya kawalan sa TV. 73.56%
– Wala akong pakialam. 14.29%

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Have a safe and less-naughty week ahead!

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

29 thoughts on “HOLY WEAK 2011”

    1. Naku, manong @senior60, nasenior moment ako…
      I posted my reply to your comment under @marksphere below. Can’t delete it there anymore. Re-post ko and I hope the moderator will just delete my reply under @marksphere. Here goes:
      P-Noy should really show us first that he is on top of things, that he could think quick on urgent matters at hand. Like the matter of the late Gen. Angelo Reyes’ burial at the Libingan ng mga Bayani. The government has already accorded Gen. Reyes with a decent wake, completos recados…but to have allowed burial at the Libingan ng mga Bayani was too much. Kaya haun tuloy, Bongbong Marcos saw an opening to revive the issue of burial for FM there. And just this week-end, P-Noy was dilly-dallying on whether to declare Black Saturday a special holiday or not. Kahapon lang nagdesisyon at malaking utang na loob pa yata natin that it was announced before Holy Thursday.

      Like

      1. naku esa, nag-abala ka pa sa pag re-post, pwede mo namang
        sabihin lang na yun na nga, mabuti na lang na, whatever you’d
        post here can’t be deleted anymore or else, sayang, dahil mas
        comprehensive yung sinabi mo doon..

        anyway, whatever, basta ako, i campaigned hard against noynoy,
        pero sabi ko rin na, whoever will win, suportahan natin sya…..
        at alam mo ba esa, ayy hindi pa pala dahil hindi ko pa nasabi hehe
        si gilbert ang manok ko noon..

        Like

    1. There is really nothing wrong in delegating jobs/responsibilities. But one should do it by first proving that he is on top of things, that he is capable of doing those things himself esp. decision-making matters. As it is, the way it looks, P-Noy delegates when he wants to dodge decision-making matters like to bury or not to bury FM at the Libingan ng mga Bayani. VP Binay is on his own in this assignment, I doubt it if P-Noy gave him even general instructions, pros and cons, etc.
      P-Noy should really show us first that he is on top of things, that he could think quick on urgent matters at hand. Like the matter of the late Gen. Angelo Reyes’ burial at the Libingan ng mga Bayani. The government has already accorded Gen. Reyes with a decent wake, completos recados…but to have allowed burial at the Libingan ng mga Bayani was too much. Kaya haun tuloy, Bongbong Marcos saw an opening to revive the issue of burial for FM there. And just this week-end, P-Noy was dilly-dallying on whether to declare Black Saturday a special holiday or not. Kahapon lang nagdesisyon at malaking utang na loob pa yata natin that it was announced before Holy Thursday.

      Like

    1. There are a lot of losing LP senatorial candidates in the queue for appointments. A number naman are deserving and could give P-Noy a boost wrt honesty, ability and credentials. I hope Alex Lacson even if not in the queue could be given a responsible post. Same with Riza Hontiveros-Baraquel.. Ruffy Biazon is okay sana but his wife already got a very juicyyyy post in Subic.

      Like

  1. Kakahiya naman proofreader and
    editor ng Pilipino Star Ngayon!
    Nasa newspaper business sila,
    di nila kilala si Crispina Belen?

    Teka, yun ba ung nanay ni Janice de?
    lol

    Comedy naman dating ng pic
    ni madam imeldific!
    Parang si Miss Piggy lang!
    … na gustong humalik!
    (uyyy… poem! lol)

    Like

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