SENATOR PANFILO LACSON is back! In fact, he has made a triumphant return to the Senate last Monday. He arrived on a donkey and was welcomed by loyal supporters who were waving palm branches.

There was one awkward moment though when Senator Lacson started reading his statement. An excited member of his Senate staff shouted, “Welcome back chef!”

Aided by Google, Senator Lacson said he learned how to cook a number of dishes (while in hiding) such as adobo, afritada, embotido, empanada, and sinigang. Sa awa naman ng Diyos, pag-uwi niya ng Pilipinas, ayun… luto na rin ang kaso.

According to Senator Ping Lacson, he learned how to cook with the help of Google… and he learned how to run with the help of the NBI.

PNP spokesperson Chief Supt. Agrimero Cruz said, “We cannot say outright that our police intelligence failed.” Well then, allow me to say it: YOU FAILED!

Ex-fugitive Senator Panfilo Lacson has granted several radio and TV interviews just two days after returning home from heaven-knows-where. There were times when he looked haggard and tired on television. During one interview, after the host asked, “Can you name at least three people who helped you hide,” Lacson replied, “1/2 kilo pork, 1 medium size onion, and 1/2 teaspoon paprika.”

On Tuesday morning, Senator Lacson guested on ABS-CBN’s Umagang Kay Ganda where he demonstrated his cooking skills. Tomorrow, he will appear on ANC’s ‘Travel Time.’

In a radio interview, Sen. Panfilo Lacson confirmed rumors that son Pampi and actress Jodi Sta. Maria have parted ways. Pampi is now trying to learn how to cook with Google’s help.

Rate Hike
A one-peso provisional fare increase in buses was implemented starting March 29 even as another round of oil price hike is expected to take effect this week. Everything is going up these days… except for President Aquino’s ratings.

Big Drop
According to the latest SWS survey, President Aquino’s net satisfaction rating has dropped by 13 percentage points. The President is thinking of how he could blame this on Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

President Aquino has a net satisfaction rating of 51 percent. And that really pisses him off. The figure reminds him of his age.

The President’s net satisfaction rating is down to 51 percent… or as his professors in Ateneo would say, “Fail.”

The latest SWS survey showed that 48 percent of Filipinos were not happy with President Aquino’s decision to buy a 4.5 million-peso Porsche. The rest were his test drive buddies.

From 64 percent in November 2010, President Aquino’s net satisfaction rating dropped to 51 percent in March 2011. To avert a further slide in his rating, the President has promised to get rid of “pabaon,” poverty, and Porsche.

NPA Turns 42
The New People’s Army – the armed wing of the Communist Party of the Philippines marked its 42nd anniversary today, March 29. To all NPA rebels all over the country, congratulations on your 42-year losing streak!

Radiation in RP
The Philippine Nuclear Research Institute says very tiny amounts of radiation in the air have been detected in the Philippines. You know what that means? Walang pasok sa PUP!

March 29th
On this day in…

1521: Ferdinand Magellan and Rajah Kolambu of Limasawa enter into a blood compact of friendship. After the ceremony, they exchanged numbers and became constant textmates.

1858: Hymen Lipman patents a pencil with an attached eraser. Filipino kids in kindergarten never got hungry again.

1886: Dr. John Pemberton brews the first Coca-Cola and advertises it as a “brain tonic and intellectual beverage.” Nobody believed him except for Carmen Pedrosa.

2002: Actor Rico Yan dies… along with the careers of close friends Dominic Ochoa and Marvin Agustin.

2002: Young actor Rico Yan dies. Nine years later, brother Bobby Yan is still struggling to make it big in showbiz.

2004: Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia become members of NATO… after NATO revised its membership rules, strictly accepting only countries whose names end in ia.

2004: The Republic of Ireland becomes the first country in the world to ban smoking in all work places, including bars, and restaurants… making it the most hated country of President Aquino.
“Truth is not determined by majority vote.”
~Doug Gwyn

Quote of the Weak
“Alisin na ang inggit sa katawan.”
– TV host Kris Aquino to President Aquino’s critics following reports that his approval rating in the Pulse Asia survey has plummeted

Still, Gullible
The most gullible columnist in the world, Philippine Star’s Carmen Pedrosa has justified and defended her gullibility.

In a rejoinder she wrote Sunday, Pedrosa insisted: “Whether or not there was such a study by Harvard that “Filipinos are the most gullible people on earth” is less the point than whether it is true that Filipinos are gullible most of the time.”

Yeah right. Magpaliwanag ka sa lolo mong panot!

You Have Spoken
Naniniwala ba kayong “protektado” ng administrasyong Aquino si Sen. Panfilo Lacson?
– Is the Pope Catholic? 68.57%
– Nahhh, hindi naman. 10.36%
– Magmamasid muna ako. 21.07%

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

89 thoughts on “PING”

    1. Read author John Nery’s column:
      Opinion and the gullible columnist –, Philippine News for Filipinos via @AddThi
      I agree with author’s observations in his last paragraph. It seems that Mrs. Pedrosa has lost her credibility by her own undoing during the past decade or so. She is haughty, narrow-minded and has such “low regard for her fellow Filipinos”.


  1. Here’s my definiton of gullible:
    1. believing that there exist 500,000 historical DOCUMENTS on GULLIBILITY
    2. believing that there exist 300 SOCIETIES DEVOTED to studying the subject of GULLIBILITY
    3. believing a respectable, credible scientific study publish in a blog called ” THE MOSQUITO PRESS.” Anybody heard of ONION NEWS NETWORK?
    4. believing that Harvard scientist would bother with the term SYOKOYS. I mean, really?
    5. And, only Gilbert Teodoro and his voters believed that ACQ is the son of God. Its not that many.
    6. Lastly, even my illiterate neighbor does not believe that condom causes cancer. So…


    1. I used to like Ms. Carmen Pedrosa’s guts by writing that book about Imelda Marcos. They were in exile in London/U.K. during the Marcos years. But it seems that sthe British “superiority”, “haughty” bad side character rubbed off too mu7ch on her that she now thinks that she is one of the chosen few Filipinos who are intelligent. I feel sorry for her because she really has placed herself in very embarrasing positions in the recent past. Maybe she should return to London and spend the rest of her advancing years there carrying out whatever crusade/advocacies she supports. Spare us Filipinos with her advocacies, please!


  2. nyahaha ok lang na bumaba ung ratings ni pnoy, puro na lang kasi pagtaas ung nasa news ^^

    nakakahalata na ata mga tao na nagbabayad na ng utang na loob si pnoy sa mga taong nagcontribute sa kanya noon ah

    as for merci, ligot, reyes, gma and others, may mangyayari nga kaya talaga o puro papogi muna, sana lang talaga wag puro hearing na walang kinahinatnan ang iiwang legacy ni pnoy…


    1. Jaena Kuh!

      No amount of heckling can change dat sananagan!

      Ewan ko nga ba sa MTRCB kung bakit pinapayagan pang maghost ang lintek na yan!

      Can’t blame the network bigwigs though….. pera pera lang talaga yan eh.

      At marami pa ring “gullible” na pinoys na napapaniwala niya sa mga palusot nya.


      1. …e d b s ganiyang strategy nga nagkamal ng salapi ang host na iyan at ang ABS-CBN? naghahagilap ng mga batang kalye, basurero, naglalako ng bawang at sibuyas, ng plastic tpos dadalhin sa Wowowee, iinterview-hin ni host, paiiyakin, ika-capitalize ung pag-iyak nila sa TV, lilimusan ng audience, bibigyan ng pera ni host, as in tulong daw, gustong makatulong sa mga mahihirap (tulong as in camouflage pra mag-rate ung show). kaya ang pinoy nagmukhang DUKHA sa buong mundo.

        meron nmang residence psychiatrist or at least HRD manager ang ABS-CBN d b? o kya c La Guardia noon na naging friend pa niya dahil pumupunta pa sa show. pero walang nangyari. nobody sift the show for sanity all because of MONEY.

        dapat sa host na iyan turuan ng leksyon.


      2. ewan ko rin sa mga sponsors kung bakit kinukunsinte nila ito. magkaroon man lang sana ng corporate responsibility sa mga patrons at iwasan na ang mga taong katulad nito. ang nangyayari tuloy, ang sponsors parang mga politicians natin kung nangangampanya. pag elections, ibibigay kung ano ang gusto ng botante- kanta, artista, sayaw, pa cute lang (at hindi na sinsabi ang mga plataporma o paniwala nila sa mga issues na importante). ang mga producers at sponsors, pera lang talaga ang iniisip kahit na mawalan ng pagiisip ang host at viewers.


    2. It’s not a non-issue and it is a serious problem – not just becuase of what he said and did. It’s an issue as to how that kid learned to do that and why some people have to capitalize on the macho-dancing thing. If people really wanna help, there’s no need to humiliate a 6-year old kid in front of the cameras.

      Non-reaction to such indicencies is what will bring us down.


    1. Baka naman naubusan lang sila Koya……next week pa daw kasi ang delivery.

      Eh kung bakit doon ka pa kasi nagcheck sa English dictionary, eh dito sa comments section ni PH, nagkalat naman yan Koya!

      Gusto mo, check mo na rin dun Philippine Star……..meron din dun, I’m shore!


  3. ‘Ostentation is the signal flag of hypocrisy’. Edwin chapin
    Porsche owners take note.
    Buying votes with pork barrel whilst preaching anti bribery and corruption also defines hypocrisy.
    No wonder he wouldn’t abolish it, and am sure has kept a lot in reserve for any future impeachment. Poor performance and lying to the country.


  4. Extract from carmen pedrosas forthcoming column.

    Willing willie to launch child talent show.
    In order to extend his generosity super-rich willie r is to launch a talent show for children entitled ‘ children will do the most humiliating things’.
    I, and my bank manager are very excited. Each act will be sponsored and already we have the child who barks – dog food, the child who does monkey tricks – peanuts, and a child who licks your boots on command – shoe manufacturer. The country has so much talent and so many gullible sponsors.
    Willie’s generosity knows no bounds and he is buying a new ferrari to show his support for the troubled auto industry in the wake of the japanese quake.
    And his friend and fellow philanthropist senator villar will be giving all proceeds to manny inc. A charity registered in the bahamas where they need financial deposits.
    What magnaminity.

    All facts triple checked for journalistic accuracy.


  5. at bakit naman kayo nagkagulo sa sinabi ni pedrosa,
    totoo naman ah, bakit, hindi ba? na at some points
    in our lives, naging uto-uto tayo? at, magiging pa?

    yes, it’s true that all nationalities are gullible, pero tayo
    ang pinaka, mahirap ba yun intindihin?

    kaya, kay pedrosa ako (kailangan may pangontra, boring
    ang wala )


      1. uuyy kaecheusan, maling mali ka, hindi ako tumatanda na
        dahil ako ay matanda na talaga kaya huwag kang mag ahihihi

        hahaha joke lang, ang , huwag kang mag ahihihi

        pero ito serious na, naninindigan ako with my statement above
        dahil yun naman talaga ang katotohanan…


  6. “Alisin na ang inggit sa katawan.”
    – TV host Kris Aquino to President Aquino’s critics following reports that his approval rating in the Pulse Asia survey has plummeted

    <—Hindi ba tinamaan si Kris Aquino sa sinabi nya? Tanggalin nya muna ang inggit sa sarili nyang katawan.


    1. ginagamit ko noon na pambura, tsinelas. pandikit ko naman kanin. at pinupunasan ko ng ga-as or mantika ang koponban para ma-trace ko larawan na gusto kong iguhit. ang pananghalian ko nakabalot sa dahon ng saging. ang bag ko screenbag during summer at plasticbag during rainy season.

      hay, those were the days. sarap balik-balikan ang nakaraan.


      1. naku hikata, baka copying ka lang sa mga sinasabi ng
        mga magulang mo, not unless kasing edad mo na ako…

        pero let me guess kung how old are you na ba, siguro nasa
        between 28 to 35 years old ka lang, in your prime kumbaga..

        uuyy sabihin mo ha kung correct ba ako, sa edad mo…


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