DOWN


The Climb
After the elevator he took going down stalled underground, President Aquino, on Ash Wednesday had to climb the equivalent of 24 floors to reach the surface of a water facility plant in Singapore. When he reached the third floor, he fell on his knees but was able to recover, and continued walking. But members of his official party, and Singaporean officials got the shock of their lives when, upon reaching the sixth floor, he fell for the second time and then “Veronica” appeared and wiped his face.

During a visit to a water facility plant in Singapore, President Aquino and his party were trapped underground and had to climb 24 floors to the surface after the elevator broke down. The president of Singapore has instructed his defeated vice presidential running mate to visit the Philippines and apologize for what happened.

The elevator servicing a water facility plant in Singapore broke down forcing President Aquino to climb 24 stories… or as Filipino consumers would call it, “floor hike.”

President Aquino climbed the equivalent of 24 stories during a visit to a water facility plant in Singapore. When he reached the top, he placed a Philippine flag and scribbled a note on the floor: ” Noynoy was here.”

Reports say President Aquino “coughed along the way” while taking the underground stairs to the surface of a water facility plant in Singapore last week. When he reached the top, Singaporeans applauded him and then, to his surprise, asked: “Dahon or The One?”


Orchid Noy
Last Friday, Singapore named an orchid after President Noynoy Aquino. The orchid has golden yellow petals, and flowering is accelerated by exposure to cigarette smoke.

Singapore’s National Parks Board named an orchid after President Aquino… surprising the Philippine leader who actually expected the board to name a variety of tobacco after him.


Japan Disaster
Nations around the world have been rushing to Japan’s aid after Friday’s devastating earthquake and tsunami. Britain is sending rescue units. China is sending search equipment. The Philippines is sending Joey Salceda.

The bad news: Japan is still trying to avert a meltdown at three earthquake-crippled nuclear reactors. The good news: it is easier to thwart than Charlie Sheen’s meltdown.

Japan is reeling from a disaster of historic proportions. In the Philippines, we have a term for that. Ombudsman.

“Battered”
Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez (OMG) claims she’s a “battered woman” being harassed by vindictive congressmen. If it’s any consolation, she’s the only ‘battered woman’ in this country who can call for a press conference anytime she wants.

Roxas and Taiwan
President Aquino’s troubleshooter, former senator Mar Roxas will reportedly meet again with Taiwanese officials in Taipei… or as Roxas himself would call it, “dieting.”


March 14…
On this day in…

1879: Albert Einstein is born. The bouncing baby boy weighs 6.5 lbs. And that’s just his brain.

1906: The island of Ustica is devastated by an earthquake. Nations around the globe tried but failed to send help… because they didn’t know where Ustica was located.

1923: Warren Harding becomes the first U.S. president to file an income tax report… a day after Commissioner Kim Henares ordered the strict implementation of the government’s Run After Tax Evaders campaign.

1932: George Eastman, founder of the Kodak Company and inventor of the Kodak camera commits suicide. He and his girlfriend didn’t “click” so he “shot” himself.

1939: The Republic of Czechoslovakia is dissolved… mainly because nobody could spell its name correctly.

1943: Franklin Delano Roosevelt becomes the first U.S. president to fly in an airplane while in office. The airplane crashes because the office is way too heavy.

1947: Moscow announces that 890,532 German POWs are held in the U.S.S.R. German POWs were the first batch of jejemons in the world.

1947: Ambassador Paul V. McNutt and President Manuel A. Roxas sign the Military Bases Agreement at Malacañang Palace. The agreement grants 22 military, naval, and air bases in the Philippines to the United States. In return, the Americans vowed to help develop the country’s red light districts.

1968: After only two seasons on television, ABC aired the finalé of “Batman.” The last episode showed Batman and Robin living happily ever after.

Thanks to the National Historical Institute, Wikipedia, Any-Day-In-History, and Today in Science History.

Almost Arson
Karaoke singer-turned-comedienne-turned-TV host-turned sex video star-turned reality show contestant Ethel Booba tried to burn down her rented condo unit in Quezon City when she discovered that her boyfriend was gay. The CBCP described Ethel’s meltdown as “understandable.”


Pampi and Jodi

Actress Jodi Sta.Maria and husband, Pampi Lacson (son of Sen. Panfilo Lacson) have reportedly called it quits. Their six-year-old son Thirdy laments, “I rarely see my dad.” To which, Pampi said, “So do I.”
————————————————–
“People are resilient. After all, every person born has recovered from nine months on life support.”
~Robert Brault,

Survey Says
Sa inyong palagay, ano ang magiging hatol ng Senado sakaling humantong sa paglilitis ang impeachment case laban kay Ombudsman Gutierrez?
– Acquitted! Marami siyang kaalyado eh! 22.98%
– Convicted! Period. 42.24%
– Puwede bang maghintay? Huwag nga kayong atat! 34.78%

Have a great week. Always bring a whistle with you. Ingat!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

31 thoughts on “DOWN”

  1. “Actress Jodi Sta.Maria and husband, Pampi Lacson (son of Sen. Panfilo Lacson) have reportedly called it quits. Their six-year-old son Thirdy laments, `I rarely see my dad.’ To which, Pampi said, `So do I.'”

    – only a mind like yours can come up with something like this. galing talaga! This is meant to be a compliment – your repartee is so like those of Joey de Leon and Vic Sotto’s. I’m not sure if it was because of your post but they now say “Hello there” like ***** does.

    Like

  2. Actually, I sort of thought that GOD willed it to happen in Japan first so that we in the Philippines could be better prepared should we be the next to experience such high intensity. I think it would be a wise idea to send the best of our scientists and survival experts to Japan – to help out a neighbor in distress AND at the same time learn much on how Japan is handling this disaster.

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    1. God forbids sana eza na we will experience such, or else ewan
      ko na lang kung saan tayo pupulutin, but we can manage, tayo pa..

      pero believe talaga ako sa mga tall structures ng japan, noticed
      how their buildings swayed for minutes pero hindi bumagsak/
      gumuho, that is how prepared they are, dito sa atin, mga earthquake
      proof din kaya yang mga matataas na gusali natin sa makati for example?

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      1. Senior, it’s called the “whip effect”, being incorporated in the design of tall structures particularly in areas such as Japan ang Pinas, these countries being prone to earthquakes as they lie in the so-called Pacific ring of fire.

        And yes, kahit diyan sa Pinas, kino-consider na din yan sa design ng buildings. Para que pinag-aralan pa namin yan sa kolehiyo kung di rin lang naman pala applicable, diva?

        Hmmmp!

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    2. its skynet testing a new subsonic weapon that produces tremors. its disguising its activity by making it look like a natural disaster so that we humans will be less suspicious and will put the blame on god.

      skynet is targeting japan first because it knows that japan houses the most world’s defenders (voltes five, dragonballs team, astroboy, bioman, maskman, walkman, samurai x, gundam, lupin, etc.)

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      1. my cat says that its a weapon system put into space by the americunts (part of the starwars project) that generates low frequency sound waves (we humans can’t hear it but my cat can) and sends them toward a target.

        The effect ranges from nausea, balance problems and discomfort to humans, to avalanche, landslide, rogue waves and earthquakes (depending on energy levels of subsonic waves being produce by that space death machine).

        got to go, skynet is tracking me. dada

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  3. Orchid Noy is a “blooming” courtesy showered on P-noy by Singaporean govt to offset Pinoy’s early act of penitence climbing some 24-stories due to stalled elevator. he he. But can you imagine P-noy reaching the surface being greeted by a reception line, chanting in unison. “dahon or the one?”. LOL, riot talaga!
    o senior60 baka naman ma-confuse ka na naman. ask na lang si bossing vic sotto, hah?

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    1. uuyy promdi, this time dalawa wrong mo, 1st, yung orchid na
      named after noynoy ay matagal ng pinaplano na ibigay ng
      singapore sa kanya long before his actual visit there, naintriga
      nga ako dahil di ba, flowers are associated with girls kaya tama
      si mister heckler, a variety of tobacco would have been the most
      appropriate….

      2nd, hindi na ako naguguluhan sa ” dahon or the one” dahil sa
      aside from eat bulaga fan ako since time immemorial, alam mo
      bang turnoff ako sa ad na ito? at kay vic mismo kung bakit nya
      ito tinanggap? kasi hindi naman kailangan na siraan ang isang
      producto to promote your own di ba? pero on the part of the
      ” dahon” company, i think na this is a compliment ba tawag doon,
      because it simply means na “the one” is more salable kaya sinisiraan…

      Like

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