NOYNOY vs. BONGBONG


President Noynoy Aquino and Sen. Bongbong Marcos exchanged potshots last week.

According to Sen. Bongbong Marcos, the Philippines could have been a rich state like Singapore if his father had not been ousted 25 years ago. In another news, a drug test among senators has been proposed.

This just in: There had been an intense and personal exchange of text messages between President Aquino and Senator Bongbong Marcos over the weekend. A reliable source who requested anonymity intercepted the following messages.

BONGBONG: can we tok?
NOYNOY: hu u?
BONGBONG: kapal mo! u deleted my number na?
NOYNOY: kupal ka pala eh. sino k b?
BONGBONG: gago! senator bongbong here.
NOYNOY: tae ka! y wud i have your #?

BONGBONG: di ka ba talaga pwedeng makausap nang matino?
NOYNOY: di tayo close, you know that!
BONGBONG: ulol! we have a lot of things in common, tandaan mo ‘yan.
NOYNOY: magkaiba tayo.

BONGBONG: ‘di ah! pangalan pa lang natin, pareho na! bong-bong! noy-noy!
NOYNOY: tanga! anong pareho dun!? magkaiba ‘yon. ferdinand ka, benigno ako.
BONGBONG: see? kapangalan pa natin ang ating mga ama.
NOYNOY: bobo! junior ka, the third ako. malaki ang difference no’n.

BONGBONG: pati sa mga kapatid natin, may similarity tayo. ‘yong panganay naming si ate IMEE: saksakan nang ‘tigas ng ulo noong dalaga. kapag nagustuhan ang lalaki, nagre-rebelde.
NOYNOY: sira! hindi ganun ang panganay naming si ate ballsy.
BONGBONG: ha-ha-ha! sinong may sabing si ballsy ang tinutukoy ko?
NOYNOY: huwag mong idamay si viel, tahimik ‘yon.
BONGBONG: sige na nga. regards na lang kay kris. joooke!
NOYNOY: namemersonal ka na!
BONGBONG: ikaw ang nagsimula!

NOYNOY: fault ko pa? sino bang sumisira sa diwa ng edsa? singapore your face! I’ve got two words for you: “martial law!”
BONGBONG: ah gano’n? babalikan na naman natin ang nakaraan? do not provoke me!
NOYNOY: really? here’s another: “marcos cronies!”
BONGBONG: pakyu ka! “kamag-anak incorporated!”

NOYNOY: “plaza miranda bombing!”
BONGBONG: “mendiola massacre!” hoy! wala kang alam sa history! si joma sison ang nambomba sa plaza miranda! ‘yon ang nasa libro ni ka jovy salonga!
NOYNOY: ah basta!
BONGBONG: ha-ha-ha naubusan ka na ng bala!

NOYNOY: noong panahon ng tatay mo, walang freedom of the press!
BONGBONG: noong panahon ng nanay mo, walang kuryente!

NOYNOY: marcos billions sa europa!
BONGBONG: whatever! hacienda luisita!
NOYNOY: engot! in five years, ipapamahagi na namin ‘yon!
BONGBONG: i don’t believe you! gawin mo muna!

NOYNOY: wala ka na sa Bagong Lipunan. wake up!
BONGBONG: wala ka na sa poder ng nanay mo, grow up!

NOYNOY: teka nga! bakit ka ba text nang text?
BONGBONG: eh bakit reply ka nang reply?
NOYNOY: ano ba talagang gusto mo?
BONGBONG: simple lang, state funeral and an honorable burial para sa aking tatay sa Libingan ng mga Bayani.

NOYNOY: that’s not for me to decide.
BONGBONG: i’m not surprised.
NOYNOY: what do you mean?
BONGBONG: wushuuu! aminin mo, hindi naman talaga ikaw ang nagde-decide sa government kundi ang mga taong nakapaligid sa ‘yo eh!

NOYNOY: that’s democracy.
BONGBONG: that’s weakness.

NOYNOY: hindi ako diktador!
BONGBONG: oops, i’m sorry mr. symbolic president.
NOYNOY: sumusobra ka na! ang pagiging sobra ang dahilan kung bakit kayo pinalayas ng people power sa edsa. you’re way out of line!

BONGBONG: out of line??? no! we’re so back! isa sa senado, isa sa kamara at isang gobernadora.
NOYNOY: WALANG STATE BURIAL!
BONGBONG: ha-ha-ha, now you’re talking! fine!

NOYNOY: tapusin na natin ‘tong usapang ‘to. stop txting me!
BONGBONG: agad? i’m just warming up.
NOYNOY: maghanap ka ng kausap mo.
BONGBONG: may ipapakilala akong chick. 25 lang. maputi, mahilig sa jazz music.
NOYNOY: huwag mo akong daanin sa babae. sa dami ng problema ng bansa these days, women are the least of my concerns.
BONGBONG: talaga? ok. fine. bye!
NOYNOY: sandali lang!!! chinita ba?
Silence.
(Note: Bongbong Marcos didn’t reply. An aide said, “Na-check operator services po si Sir.”)


The Oscars
The telecast of the 83rd Academy Awards took more than three long hours to finish. Observers say the presentation was slow, or as OFWs in Libya would call it, DFA.

Singson Quits
Reports say jailed lawmaker Ronald Singson has resigned his post as Ilocos Sur representative. Quitting his post was the second most difficult decision he has made in years… next only to quitting drugs.


Killed by the Press
Last Sunday, the Philippine Star’s sister tabloid, Pilipino Star Ngayon headlined the “death” of veteran actor Paquito Diaz. But the actor’s family was quick to clarify that he was still very much alive. Embarrassed and shocked by its own blunder, the tabloid edited the story’s online edition, and wrote: “Paquito Diaz, pumanaw na! (Joooke!)”

Pilipino Star Ngayon or PSN has yet to identify the person who wrote the erroneous story on Paquito Diaz. And journalist Arlyn De La Cruz was like, “Don’t look at me!”
—————-
“The person who really wants to do something finds a way; the other person finds an excuse.”
~Author Unknown

Photo of the Weak

Ano ang sinasabi ng mga tao, hayop o bagay na nasa larawan?
A: “Tweet! Tweet! Dadapo na ako sa pugad ko! Ayun o! Tweet! Tweet! Meron akong malaking itlog sa pugad!”
B: “Teka lang! Huwag mo akong pahiyain, may nakatutok na mga camera! Hindi ako ang istatwa! Ayun si Cardinal Sin, do’n ka!”
C: “Hahaha! Eh kasi naman anak, hindi ako kamukha ni Cardinal Sin! Mas kamukha ko si Cardinal Gaudencio Rosales! Siguro nagkamali ng kinopyahang picture ang iskultor! Aminin!”

Survey Says
Ano ang reaksyon mo sa sentensyang 18 months na imprisonment kay Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson?
– Puwede na ‘yon. Matututo rin ng leksyon ‘yan! 12.35%
Sus! Ano ‘yon bakasyon? Dapat d’yan mas mabigat na parusa! 79.22%
– Wala akong pakialam! Piolo and KC Forever! 8.44%

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

117 thoughts on “NOYNOY vs. BONGBONG”

    1. Funny conversation but very telling of the fact that the Philippines has been run by the same families for generations who used political power and even violence to enhance their wealth. As the wealth of the Marcoses and Conjuangcos expanded while they have been holding office, even in Ilocos and Tarlac, the people are still mired poverty.

      Like

      1. i’m from ilocos and i can proudly say that our province have developed a lot because we have good politicians and that includes the marcoses. If you are not from Ilocos, surely you won’t know that Ilocos is one of the richest province in the entire philippines and we are one of the few provinces which have low poverty rate. You do not have the right to talk that way because you do not now what you are talking about. Now, the Marcoses have done great things, NLEX, SLEX, CCP, Lung Center of the Philippines, Heart Center of the Philippines and many other, what about the Conjuanco Aquinos? What have they done to the Philippines or at least for Tarlac? Go in Tarlac, they’ll even go for the Marcoses rather than the Aquinos

        Like

  1. bong bong ‘ ding dong dolally’ marcos has gone the way of the old woman who lives in a shoe and lost grip on reality.
    unless he thinks singapore is in zimbabwe.
    parrot p-noy on the other hand is turning malacanan into blunderland.

    aquino jr, marcos jr, estrada jr, arroyo jr.
    what a quartet of mediocrity and insincerity.

    Like

  2. Kalowka ang mga anak ni BADING LADEN nagtarayan sa text. in fairness, may face value si Bongbong…si Noynoy… 😀 yun lang!

    Pilya din yun kalapati..hi hi hi ang baba ng lipad…doon pa gustong dumapo sa 3 pirasong buhok ni Noynoy…para kasing niyog ang ulo ni Noynoy…talking about niyog…sobra ang mahal ng copra ngayon..

    have you tried COCO sugar (gawa sa bao ng niyog…uso yan ngayon d2 saDavao..

    Like

    1. Coco sugar i8s being recommended by my endocrinologist to his diabetic patients. It ups the glycemic index only by half that of regular sugar. It’s good for everybody, tastes and looks like muscovado sugar, just as sweet. 🙂 It’s available already in some supermarkets in MetroManila and most organic food outlets.

      Like

  3. BONGBONG: may ipapakilala akong chick. 25 lang. maputi, mahilig sa jazz music.
    NOYNOY: huwag mo akong daanin sa babae. sa dami ng problema ng bansa these days, women are the least of my concerns.
    BONGBONG: talaga? ok. fine. bye!
    NOYNOY: sandali lang!!! chinita ba?

    HAHAHAHAHA!

    After a trying day , this is a good comic relief…:)

    Like

      1. talo pala kita eddi dahil, once, a long time ago, sinagot naman

        ako ni mister heckler, yun nga lang medyo nainis or nagalit

        siya sa akin, papaano naman kasi, sinabihan ko sya na nag

        disguise lang sya, nag explain naman ako sa ibig kong sabihin

        sa sinabi ko…

        Like

  4. NOYNOY: fault ko pa? sino bang sumisira sa diwa ng edsa? singapore your face! I’ve got two words for you: “martial law!”
    BONGBONG: ah gano’n? babalikan na naman natin ang nakaraan? do not provoke me!
    NOYNOY: really? here’s another: “marcos cronies!”
    BONGBONG: pakyu ka! “kamag-anak incorporated!”

    NOYNOY: “plaza miranda bombing!”
    BONGBONG: “mendiola massacre!” hoy! wala kang alam sa history! si joma sison ang nambomba sa plaza miranda! ‘yon ang nasa libro ni ka jovy salonga!
    NOYNOY: ah basta!
    BONGBONG: ha-ha-ha naubusan ka na ng bala!

    NOYNOY: noong panahon ng tatay mo, walang freedom of the press!
    BONGBONG: noong panahon ng nanay mo, walang kuryente!

    NOYNOY: marcos billions sa europa!
    BONGBONG: whatever! hacienda luisita!
    NOYNOY: engot! in five years, ipapamahagi na namin ‘yon!
    BONGBONG: i don’t believe you! gawin mo muna!

    NOYNOY: wala ka na sa Bagong Lipunan. wake up!
    BONGBONG: wala ka na sa poder ng nanay mo, grow up!

    The best! Hahaha.. xD Shet sakit ng tyan ko. :))

    Like

  5. The “kalapati” pic is one of the most telling images of the week and is apt as museum piece one day soon. How symbolic; fact is, it is a picture that tells a thousand tales. Imagine the characters in it– it’s not everyday you could catch a cardinal, an action dove, and a president together in one candid shot. Someday, it will have been one for the books. for now, It’s a modern day version of an ancient movie “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly!”; which one is any of those, your take!

    Like

      1. uuyy, compatible tayo sa choice, rising eddi, even your digest of the dove. ha ha! as to the ugly… if i may quote u… kailangan pa rin bang i-memorize ‘yan?

        @senior, bilib na ‘ko sa positive-ness and honest-ness of your conscyens… you’re the least mean of us all! mabuhay, yo!

        Like

  6. Totoo naman na maunlad sana ang pinas kung nagstay si marcos at d napalitan ng mga aquino na dahilan ng paghihirap ng mga Pilipino, the worst yrs was when cory was president

    Bias naman si heckler nung nisurvey ang pagcompare ni bongbong sa Singapore, wala namang survey non, sya lang gumawa ng resulta!

    Halata ang mga surveys mu heckler, walang other option na maganda/valid kasama ng kung anu mang gusto mung manalo sa survey, sana nga maglaho ka na, natatagalan na rin ang paguupdate mu ng blog mu, baka may trabaho or life ka na…mabuti naman for u

    Like

    1. naku early, gusto mo early ka mabugbog ng mga suki ni mister heckler?

      si bob nga ok lang magkagulo sina noynoy at bongbong para lang may
      maisulat si mister heckler na mag second the motion sana ako hahaha
      pagkatapos here you come with those allegations and all? hahaha again…

      Like

      1. ask ko nga kung ilang taon na si @early at wer na sya the whole time of martial law and ten years before that. altho kinda ok to me and digest nya sa cory era dahil ‘la naman talagang nangyari (except the change of guards, from bad to equally bad) but the re-entry of the peninsulares and the ilustrados plus the founding of the kamag-anak inc.) if she has lived long enough, baka naman naka-dabarkads niya si nanay imeldific sa pag-baile sa coconut palace at film center o kaya’y sa pagpapahangin sa palace in the sky sa tagaytay!

        Like

    1. lol! It won’t happen because we would never see the day he’d get married.

      but yeah, the story goes that when Cory and Ninoy released the doves during the reception for their wedding, one of the doves settled on Cory’s shoulder, which prompted people to believe she’d play a big role in our history…which actually happened. 😉

      Like

      1. promdi, noynoy is, maybe this and that but we must
        not treat him as a laughing matter because he is our
        one and only president, otherwise, people of the world
        might treat him as such also and we’ll get angry, right?

        kung hindi pa yan serious, ewan ko na lang…

        gusto ko din magiging positive as possible dahil alam
        mo na, ang wrinkles ay naguunahan ng umeeksenahahaha

        Like

  7. Bongbong: Leo (Panthera Leo), Ang pamilya ng specie na ito ay matatagpuan sa bandang Hilaga ng bansa, pero nag-migrate! oo! nag migrate siya sa Maynila upang ihalintulad sa Merlion ang Pilipinas kung nanatili sa puder ng pamilya ang trono ng alpha male!
    – Mag ingat sa pagte-text sa presidente at baka mauubusan ng load. Naka postpaid ang presidente. Walang laban ang prepaid mo.

    Noynoy: Capricorn (Phyllotis caprinus), Ang specie na ito ay mahilig sa yosi (capri = kapre) at ang pamilya ng specie na ito ay matatagpuan sa bandang Gitnang Luzon na sumasakop sa malaking taniman ng tubo. Pero ang kapatid nito ay kilalang kilala sa pagda-drama at panganganak gamit ang iba’t ibang specie ng lalake na mahilig sa bola.
    – Mag-ingat sa nagtetext na nauubusan ng load, baka mapaaway at hindi na sumagot ang texter.

    Lucky enemies: Leo-Capricorn (since the day they were born)
    Lucky colors: Yellow-Red
    Lucky cake: Red Ribbon
    Lucky numbers: 8/21-2/25

    Lagi natin tatandaan, hindi natin hawak ang mga bituin. Gabay lamang sila. Mayroon tayong free will, weather weather lang. =)

    (This comment is brought to you by the strong addiction and contagious effect of Professional Heckler) =)

    Like

  8. Mr PH: pwede ba intercepted messages between Noynoy and Shalani in your next post?

    INTERCEPTED MESSAGE BETWEEN NOYNOY AND SHALANI
    Noynoy: Helu! Sino ito?
    Shalani: Huh? Dinelete mo na number ko?!
    Noynoy: Phil?
    Shalani: Unggoy!!! Husband n gusto mo? (weak signal)
    Noynoy: (hindi naintindihan). Oohhh Phil!!!!! Ikaw nga, Phil Younghusband!

    Like

  9. Dear fellow pork lovers
    i am loved by all the people.
    But i must do the right thing – politically.
    See you in 2013.
    Even lovie’s bad acting, short skirt, and crocodile tears did not help.
    Must go. Shower time. Must remember not to bend over to pick up the soap.
    Yours arrogantly
    ronald ‘ coke- head’ singson
    p.s i resign – technically

    Like

      1. Sumusubra ka na talaga ha?

        Piro, sa palagay ku, dapat bohuk muna ang dapat tomobo sa aken, saka na yang tets na yan! hihihihi!

        De ba, ang sarap atang pakenggan kapag senabehan ka ng “Ang haba ng emong heyr, pwidi paketale naman at baka may matesud?”hihihihi!

        Pag nagkataun, maeengget na naman sa aken se Kres, ang akeng napakatenong kapated!

        Like

  10. sooo true..PNoy is acting much like a symbolic president! i dont know if he’s lazy or really doesn’t have an idea on what to do!!

    lumalabas lang sya sa press whenever somebody disdain his family, tsk tsk..but very seldom for national interest! nu ba ‘yan! magtrabaho ka naman PNoy!!!

    Like

  11. With survery results of Noynoy 25% and Bong-bong 23, looks like PNoy is starting becoming unpopular. Mukhang madami ng nagsisisi. haha! Talaga naman walang silbi.

    hindi katagalan na pag kay Aquino ka, you’re on the good side. And pag pay Marcos ka, demonyo ka. Or calling Cory a lousy president and Marcos a great one were taboo. how things have changed.

    Like

  12. Why are the supposed communications experts surrounding the president allowing him to do that?.The president and his PR team are breaking one of the cardinal rules of public relations and propaganda warfare Never dignify an accusation or critical statement when the accuser stands to benefit more from the response..Bongbong Marcos and his family because they have been largely untouched since they were deposed from power 25 years ago are out to revise their roles in recent Philippine history. That Bongbong successfully ran for the Senate means that many Filipinos somehow still like them still have faith in them regardless of their brutal and corrupt dictatorship..Bongbong himself seems on his way to rehabilitating the Marcos name.

    Like

  13. Ay! Kahit ano pa ang sabihin mas maganda at maayos pa rin ang buhay noong 70’s, di ako nagsabi niyan kundi ang mga mas nauna pa sa atin at maranasan ang buhay noon. Iilan lang naman yung may ibang pag- iisip dahil gusto nilang sila ang mamuno noon. Si Ninoy nga ang wala noon sa Plaza Miranda at siya lang ang nakakaalam kung bakit. Sana ay magkasundo na ang lahat, para sa ikauunlad ng ating bayan. Move on na tayong lahat.

    Like

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