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WHEN IT RAINS, IT PORSCHE

23 01 2011

Interview With A Car
The Professional Heckler (TPHeckler) meets The President’s Porsche (TPPorsche)


TPHeckler: Hallo! Guten tag!
TPPorshe: Uy, ‘musta?
TPHeckler: Pucha! Nagta-Tagalog ka?
TPPorshe: Oo naman. Fast learner ako ‘noh. One month na ko rito! Nakapag-ikot na nga ako sa Clark eh.
TPHeckler: Astig!
TPPorshe: Bilisan mo lang ang interview ‘tol. Matatapos na ang meeting ng amo ko.
TPHeckler: Ok, ok.
TPPorshe: Shoot!

TPHeckler: Unang-una, ano ba talaga ang pronunciation sa pangalan mo? ‘Di ba Porsh?
TPPorshe: I am from Germany and in my country, Porsche is a family name, and the family members pronounce their surname PORSH-uh, not PORSH! Gets?

TPHeckler: Fine! So ano’ng feeling na presidente ang amo mo?
TPPorshe: Suffocated!
TPHeckler: Pressured ka dahil sikat siya?
TPPorsche: Hindi ‘yon! Suffocated… kasi wala siyang kontrol sa paninigarilyo kahit naka-aircon.
TPHeckler: Ba’t ‘di ka magreklamo?
TPPorsche: Eh kung palitan ako? ‘Wag na uy! May Ambi-Pur naman, puwede na ‘yon.

TPHeckler: Sa palagay mo, bakit ka binili ni Presidente?
TPPorsche: Malay ko! Baka gustong magka-girlfriend. Alam mo na, pampa-pogi.

TPHeckler: May ipinakilala na ba siyang babae sa ‘yo?
TPPorsche: Oo.
TPHeckler: Maganda ba?
TPPorsche: Ewan.
TPHeckler: Anong pangalan?
TPPorsche: Manang.
TPHeckler: Manang?!?
TPPorsche: Oo. ‘Yon ang naririnig ko eh. “Manang, pakibukas ng gate. Manang, corned beef ko. Manang, huwag mong hayaang lumapit ang pusa sa kotse.” Ganun.

TPHeckler: Totoo bang tinatawagan pa rin ng amo mo si Shalani Soledad katulad ng ibinunyag ni Lolit Solis na manager pala ng konsehala?
TPPorsche: Sometimes.
TPHeckler: Weh?
TPPorsche: Totoo!
TPHeckler: Anong sinasabi?
TPPorsche: ‘Miss you babe.’ Mehhh ganun?
TPHeckler: Nanloloko ka naman eh.
TPPorsche: Sus! Hindi ako sinungaling!
TPHeckler: Eh anong reply ni Shalani?
TPPorsche: Miss mo’ng mukha mo!

TPHeckler: Moving on… sabi ni former senator Ernesto Maceda sa Philippine Star column n’ya, 7.5 million pesos ka raw at hindi 4.5 million pesos as claimed by the President. Any reaction?
TPPorsche: Tsismoso talaga ang senadorang ‘yon! Ang tanda-tanda na, tsismoso pa! Eh kung lovelife kaya niya ang ichismis ko, matutuwa siya?!?
TPHeckler: So magkano ka nga?
TPPorsche: I’m sorry, I would like to invoke my right against self-incrimination.

TPHeckler: May tsismis pa nga na regalo ka raw naman talaga ng isang mayamang negosyante. Alam mo na, nagpapalakas daw sa palasyo.
TPPorsche: Das ist mir furzegal! This interview is so over!

TPHeckler: Uy, sorry na! Sorry. Ito na lang ang sagutin mo: Balay Group o Samar Group? Kanino ka kampi?
TPPorsche: Hellerrr! For someone who pretends to read the news regularly, hindi mo alam? Pathetic! Siyempre, Samar. Si Chiz ang unang-unang nag-test drive sa kin ‘no!
TPHeckler: How was he?
TPPorsche: Hay naku! Isa pang chain smoker! Nahilo ako sa usok.

TPHeckler: Sabi ng mga leftist solons, wrong timing daw ang pagbili sa ‘yo ng presidente. Marami daw kasi ang nagugutom na Pilipino ngayon.
TPPorsche: Fault ko?!? Fault ko na third world country kayo? ‘Tsaka, anong kunek ko sa pagkain? Food ba ako? I am a sports car! Hindi ako NFA rice! Masyado nilang pinapalaki ang isyu!

TPHeckler: Sa palagay mo ba makakatulong ka para makabingwit ng girlfriend ang amo mo?
TPPorsche: Alam mo, hindi naman ako pakialamerong kotse eh. Ayaw kong pangunahan ang babaeng liligawan niya. Ayaw kong pangunahan ang Presidente. At higit sa lahat, ang pinaka-importante: ayaw kong pangunahan si Kris Aquino. Mahirap kaaway ‘yon.

TPHeckler: Do you have any message to anyone?
TPPorsche: Yup, thanks. On behalf of the Noy-Bi team, I’d like to congratulate newly-appointed Comelec chairman Atty. Sixto Brillantes. We have something in common sir: kung gaano kaputi ang katawan ko, ganun din kaputi ang buhok n’yo! More power!

TPHeckler: Uy! Malapit na raw bumalik sa sirkulasyon si former senator Mar Roxas. Anong reaksyon mo?
TPPorsche: Hindi kami close. Like what I’ve said, si Chiz ang nag-test drive sa akin.
TPHeckler: Eh pa’no kung masira ka? Remember: troubleshooter daw si Mar.
TPPorsche: Troubleshooter ng ano?!? Padyak?? Har-har-har. Let me repeat dat: har-har-har. Porsche ako. Hindi kami magka-level.

TPHeckler: Kay Presidente Aquino, any message?
TPPorsche: Kay bossing… ahm, tama ang advice ni Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago. ‘Di mo naman talaga kailangang magka-girlfriend para lumigaya eh. Andito naman ako to keep you company. ‘Tsaka lagi mong tatandaan sir: love knows no gender. Luv u bro!

-End of interview-
—————————————-
“Who’s gonna tell you when,
It’s too late,
Who’s gonna tell you things,
Aren’t so great

You cant go on, thinkin’
Nothings’ wrong, whoa ho…
Who’s gonna drive you home,
tonight?”

~The Cars, “Drive”

[Note: This piece was originally posted last Tuesday.]

Anagrams, anyone?
(Some of these first appeared on this blog a couple of years back.)
1: “President Noy” is an anagram of “Nerdiest pony.”
2: “Madrigal” is an anagram of “A mad girl.”
3: “Madame Loren” is an anagram of “A learned mom” and “D lame moaner.”
4: “Rico E. Puno” is an anagram of “In poor cue.”
5: “Senator Lapid” is an anagram of “A strained pol.”
6: “Bong Revilla” is an anagram of “Lovable grin”
7: “Congressman Mikey” is an anagram of “Screaming monkeys.”
8: “Senator Enrile” is an anagram of “Eternal one sir.”
9: “Revillame” is an anagram of “Lamer evil”
10: “Gloria” is an anagram of “Go! Liar!”

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Personal
Thank you Ms. Fe Zamora and to the Sunday Inquirer Magazine. I have tweeted my dislike for SIM several times last year (saying i missed the old SIM) and i have heckled PDI a number of times in the past; STILL, they featured The Professional Heckler in today’s edition of the magazine supplement of the country’s No. 1 broadsheet. #sipsip Maraming salamat po sa pagpansin. Happiness!

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38 responses

23 01 2011
anon

wailing willie has a ferrari and my girlfriend.
what is he doing right and i am doing wrong.
he obviously has a bigger ‘wallet’ than mine and knows how to use it.
i keep mine closed, except for my shooting buddies

Like

23 01 2011
anon

and wailing willie is not as funny as me or why would people laugh every time i walk into a room.
and he cannot sing.
i have sung in front of millions and got rapturous applause.
i am funny,rich, powerful, rich, and i have a porsche.
i must be able to find someone stupid enough or desperate enough to go out with me.
next i get a svenson hair transplant.
anything but being president.
counting the days until kris can take over.
she can then have all the men she wants at her beck and call.

Like

23 01 2011
etchosera

Ayyyyy! Nagulat naman ako dito!

Looks family kasi eh! Yun pala, ni-repost lang ni PH!

Akala ko tulad na ako ni lolong ulyanin.

Ahah ahah ahah!

Like

23 01 2011
lazy

p-noy is the peoples champion.
he personifies being rich but doing nothing.
isnt this what filipinos want.
easy life, easy money and no work.
crime amd corruption is beyyer than working.
as someone said it is only criminals that live in the philippines.
it is punishment for past life. a taste of hell on earth.
i am starting to think he was right.
everybody wants change but nobody does anything to change.

and with p-noy going on visit to his masters in china i would only expect things to get worse.
being a closet gay is one thing but being a closet chinaman is being a traitor.

Like

23 01 2011
WHEN IT RAINS, IT PORSCHE « The Professional Heckler | Pnoy Talks

[…] the rest here: WHEN IT RAINS, IT PORSCHE « The Professional Heckler This entry was posted in Kris, Porsche and tagged ang-pinaka-importante, aquino, ayaw-kong, kris, […]

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23 01 2011
WHEN IT RAINS, IT PORSCHE « The Professional Heckler | Pnoy Talks

[…] here to read the rest: WHEN IT RAINS, IT PORSCHE « The Professional Heckler This entry was posted in Kris, Porsche and tagged ang-pinaka-importante, aquino, ayaw-kong, kris, […]

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23 01 2011
kalokah

bromance 😀

love you rin, bro.

Like

23 01 2011
Poppy Fields

TPPorsche: Troubleshooter ng ano?!? Padyak?? Har-har-har. Let me repeat daw: har-har-har. Porsche ako. Hindi kami magka-level.

Har Har Har indeed! And I love the German quip 🙂

Like

23 01 2011
jocelyn

apt anagram iyon sa Madrigal at iyon kay Senator Enrile galign galing hahaha

Like

23 01 2011
maliititik_o

TPHeckler: Eh pa’no kung masira ka? Remember: troubleshooter daw si Mar.
TPPorsche: Troubleshooter ng ano?!? Padyak?? Har-har-har. Let me repeat dat: har-har-har. Porsche ako. Hindi kami magka-level.

Anak ng pating sa sobrang tuwa, sa kabila ako nagpost ng comment…

Anyway, bakit kasi sinasali pa sa usapan ang mga talunan…. Tapon na yan sa dagat ng basura….

Pag Porsche, di ka lang lapitin ng chicks, lapitin ka rin ng CATS….

Like

23 01 2011
Marz

I read the SIM article featuring you and your blog, I can’t help but lol at your personal note at the end of this post.

Like

23 01 2011
professionalheckler

funny nga eh. i think nov or oct last yr, i keep dissing SIM on twitter and facebook. ive been missing the old SIM kasi. recent issues kasi ng SIM nagiging marketing tool. and then this. never did i imagine na mababasa ko ang akong sarili sa magazine na ito. so happy. hahaha Love ko na ulit sha.

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24 01 2011
Paul

Read the SIM for the first time and it seems that it gained more from PH than the other way around. Like Its broadshit, there is not much there except that you can tell what is the interest of the oligarch at the moment

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23 01 2011
Anna

TPHeckler: Sabi ng mga leftist solons, wrong timing daw ang pagbili sa ‘yo ng presidente. Marami daw kasi ang nagugutom na Pilipino ngayon.
TPPorsche: Fault ko?!? Fault ko na third world country kayo? ‘Tsaka, anong kunek ko sa pagkain? Food ba ako? I am a sports car! Hindi ako NFA rice! Masyado nilang pinapalaki ang isyu!

SOBRANG FUNNY!!! I love this.

Like

24 01 2011
Paul

His puerile fancy will fade soon and the Porsche will go the way of the BMW. What’s the next car that will catch his fancy? The behavioral pattern clearly indicates a personality that failed to reach maturity at 50

Like

26 01 2011
Antukin

He’ll gonna get a Lamborghini Murcielago LP 670 SV maybe next time…hahaha…

Like

24 01 2011
nwebber

PH! Elbi grad ka din pala! Pero 1996? Kumakayod na ako sa Makati no’n 🙂 More power to you!

Like

24 01 2011
DEL

Marcelo “Loi” Landicho. Classic pala yung tunay mong pangalan, akala ko Loi lang, hehehe.

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24 01 2011
professionalheckler

no comment. hahaha seriously… mas gusto ko full name kesa sa LOI na yan.

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25 01 2011
rojan88

hehehe, naks parang marcelo del pilar pala si idol. 🙂 sino po nagbigay ng nickname ng Loi?

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25 01 2011
Maxlip

Mas maganda siguro pakinggan yung nick na Marcel kesa Loi? hehe

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24 01 2011
senior60

ngayon alam na natin mister heckler kung bakit ka feaniture
ng SIM, yun ay upang tigilan mo na sila sa kakaheckle dahil
love mo na ulit sila at siempre additional readers for them
dahil sinundan ka doon ng mga posters mo from here..

Like

24 01 2011
senior60

to you etchos, sumusobra ka na, senior na nga, lolo pa
pagkatapos ngayon ulyanin na rin, foul na ito, tama na…

pambihira, hindi na nga tinanggap bilang tagapag….

Like

24 01 2011
etchosera

Juicemio! Guilty ka talaga Senior60!!

Di ba nga, ayaw mong tawagin kitang lolo, nagrequest ka rin na wag kitang tatawaging ulyanin?

Eh pakibasa nga ulit ng comment ko….. sige nga, check mo…sinabi ko bang ikaw ang ang aking tinutukoy na lolong ulyanin?

Bakit, ikaw lang ba ang lolong ulyanin sa Pinas?

Hmmmmp!

Like

25 01 2011
senior60

hmmmmp ka dyan….

basta ang sinungaling tamaan ng kidlat ha, ayyy
you are in the comfort of your office lang naman
pala palagi…

kung si eddi pwede pa hahaha because of the nature
of his work…

Like

25 01 2011
etchosera

Naku Senior60, di naman lagi ako sa office ko, nag-iikot din naman po ako sa Planta paminsan-minsan.

tsaka, now that you’ve said it….

bakit nga ba ni minsan eh di pa ako nakakita ng kidlat dito sa kaharian?

di kaya ipinagbabawal din yun ng hari kaya walang makapasok na kidlat dito?

Ahihihihi!

Like

24 01 2011
pasingit

this just in:

pabor si penoy na gawing non-bailable ang carnapping.

lalo na kung ang na-carnap ay isang porsche!

Like

25 01 2011
jhosa

it’s his money! pakealam pa nila kung anong bibilhin niya sa pera niya. personal life niya yun. anong gusto nila? ipamigay yung 4.5 or 7.5 (whatever the price is) sa mga tao? kung gusto niyong kumita nang pera, MAGTRABAHO KAYO! tanggalin ang katamaran!!

Like

25 01 2011
eddibumangon

So how is he different from GMA who said that it’s not the people’s money that was spent on that lavish le cirque dinner but a “blow-out” from a certain congressman? Is it morally right for a public servant to zip around town in his le porsche while the masses, his “bosses” in his own word, go hungry?… The more that these politicians claim to bring about change, the more that they remain the same. Nagpalit lang ng leader, anyo, at gender…though hindi ako sure dun sa huli.

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25 01 2011
Centrino

Weee, di nga?

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26 01 2011
pasingit

@jhosa: kris, ikaw na naman ba yan??? jhosa ka na?!!! lol

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25 01 2011
anon

a fast car for fast getaway to his tarlac boss and buddies late at night.
as the resident cabinet drunk said recently.
“he is scatter brained”
arent they all.

the philippines sinks into anarchy whilst p-noy plays with his toys

Like

25 01 2011
etchosera

Hmmmmp!

Pati ako nagiging scatter-brained sa mga posts mo.

Nubatalagaibigmongsabihinkoya?

Like

25 01 2011
marja

ahah…hah..hah…! siguro grabe na panic ni PNoy sa spate ng carjacking…just after a week of his revelation na meron syang porsche-huh tumira naman tong mga linchak na carjackers! Sayang I didn’t get to read the SIM issue na finiture ka Mr. PH…i don’t read the papers anymore…no more time..i’ll read you anytime, however… 😀

Like

25 01 2011
mangpoldo

hahaha… i really like this post. lalo na yong troubleshooter si mar rxas…ng padyak! hahaha

Like

26 01 2011
senior60

uuyy eddi sorry doon sa joke ko tungkol sa kidlat ha,
nakonsensya ako dahil parang hindi maganda…

siguro nagsusupervise ka lang pero, just the same
mukhang peligroso din trabaho ninyo kaya ingat ka…

Like

26 01 2011
eddibumangon

hahaha. don’t wori senior, ako na siguro ang magiging pinakamalas na tao sa mundo kung minsan lang na magkakidlat dito sa ksa ay tatamaan pa ako…tama ang sabi ni etchos, hindi nga kumikidlat dito…bawal!

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27 01 2011
The Heel (mapapa ‘what the heel’ ka) | Perpektong Tao

[…] “Will you marriage me?” I’m in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it’s four! […]

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