HOROSPOOF


DAHIL SIMULA ng isang bagong work week, ire-repost ko dito ang horoscope na unang lumabas sa aking Twitter account. Bunsod na rin ito ng mga pagbabago sa galaw ng mga bituin ayon sa mga mananaliksik na kasapi ng Minnesota Planetarium Society.

Ang mga hulang ito ay may dalang magandang kapalaran; kaya’t ipinapayong paniwalaan. Good luck!

Bergo (Sep 16 to Oct 30)
Mag-engat kay Cancir. Sha ang ex mung de maka-mub un.

Caprecurn (Jan 20 to Feb 16)
Mamalasen ka bokas. Piru dunt wurri. Sagettaryus ka naman talaga dong! Injuy!

Akwaryus (Feb 16 to Mar 11)
Dati kang Pie-sez piru di ka iksimpted sa sompa. Magkaka-teleleng ka. Apter ol, an akwaryan is an akwaryan.

Pie-sez (Mar 11 to Apr 18)
Tilapya ka sa ‘yung past lyft. Madelem ang fyutyur mu. I can see a 5, another 5 and one more 5. Sardinas ka pala! Chura!

Ariezz (Apr 18 to May 13)
Kalemotan ang dating bohay. Kong de ka sinuwirti belang Taoros, fault ko ba ‘yon?!? Tse!

Lio (Aug 10 to Sep 16)
Pormerly, isa kang Bergo. Nawala ang berjenity mo. Bungga!

Taoros (May 13 to Jun 21)
Dati kang Jimmy-nai. Hu kers keyr bers?

Cancir (Jul 20 to Aug 10)
Tatama ka sa luttu. Magkaka-bee ef o gee ef ka ren na obod nang pugi o byutipoll. At hahaba ang bohay mo. Ang huruskup na ito ay magkakatutuu kung hende mo babasahen. Toingk!

Jimmy-nai (Jun 21 to Jul 20)
Ikaw ay dating Cancir. Weh ano ngayon? Baket, maganda ka ba?

Iskurpyu (Nov 23 to Nov 29)
Nabawasan ang araw mu sa kalendaryu. Howag malongkot. Di naman nabawasan ang lebog mu! Panalu!

Sagettaryus (Dec 17 to Jan 20)
Mang-aagaw! Enagaw mu ang Pasko’s Bagung Taun kay Caprecurn. Ibalek mo ‘yan kong ayaw mung masaktan!

Ophiuchus (Nov 29 to Dec 17)
Maherap kang espilengen. Ke bagu-bago mu pa lang, pasusyal ka na. Pakyu ka!

Lebra (Oct 30 to Nov 23)
Ekaw ang dating Iskurpyu. ‘Wag ka nang magreklamu. ‘Pag panget, panget!

Personal
Here’s some of the hilarious entries sent to our game on Twitter last Saturday night. This is Part 2 of the “Perfect Movie Casting Choices.”

1: From @1rgcruz: Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay and the PAL flight attendant – The Beach
2: From @dyosaimma: Noli de Castro – The Reader
3: From @mikay_michelle: Mar Roxas – The Waterboy
4: From @iamDanyel: Coco Quisumbing – Interview with a Vampire
5: From @atotibonjing: Mommy Dionisa – Land Before Time
6: From @Pimply_PonC: Jinky Pacquiao – Hiram na Mukha
7: From @HecklerForever: House of Representatives – Animal Farm
8: From @bochokoi: Mai Mislang – The Pursuit of Happyness
9: From @scuzzzy: Sec. Leila de Lima – She’s The Man
10: From @gudboyARL: Ronald Singson – A Walk in the Clouds
11: From @TomEvangelista: Willie Revillame and Shalani – Cruel Intentions
12: From @jayspogi: Marlene Aguilar – Blair Witch Project
13: From @sophiadedace: Ex-Maj. Gen. Carlos F. Garcia – Big Fish
14: From @dyosaimma: Kuya Kim – Pagdating ng Panahon
15: From @Alexandrious25: Malacanang – Land of the Lost
16: From @TomEvangelista: Joker Arroyo – Juan Tamad / Trillanes: A Bug’s Life
17: From @dilawako President Aquino and the Filipino people – The Prince and the Pauper
18: From @AbigailLimHo: Oil companies na nagtataas ng presyo – While You Were Sleeping
19: From @diceylu: Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay – Flight Plan
20: From @gangbadoy: Governor Chavit and Cong. Ronald Singson – The Family Stone
21: From @bochokoi: Philippine Bus – Final Destination!
22: From @AbigailLimHo: GMA, Mike Arroyo and Vicky Toh – Mahal, Saan Ka Natulog Kagabi?
23: From @bochokoi: Juana Change – Super Size Me
24: From @mae23md NAIA 3 – Arrested Development
25: Joshua Aquino, Jiggy Cruz, Jonty Cruz, and President Noynoy – Three Men and a Baby #waley!

Promise, the game this coming Saturday will be more hilarious. I have thought of a topic and I’m certain you’ll have a fun time. So join us this Saturday anytime between 9 and 11:30PM. Just follow me on Twitter.

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Regular heckling resumes Tuesday! Have a productive week!

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

40 thoughts on “HOROSPOOF”

  1. hahaha. nabasa ko na to sa twitter lahat pero natatawa pa rin akong uliulitin. the best ka talga idol…pahabol na entry sa game last sat (di kasi nalaonline eh)

    Madame Auring – The Mummy Returns.
    Chin-chin Guttierez and Madame Auring – Plants vs. Zombies (hahaha, maipasok lang, baka gawan ng movie in the future.hehehe)

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  2. Heckler, ginaya ka na naman! Walang habas na binroadcast ng Tweetbiz ang Horospoof mo! But really, I thought inspired naman ni Mr. E ang punto ng horospoof mo e. BTW, si Mr. E was formerly a security guard for an animation studio I work for. Matindi security namin no? Pagkatapos basahin ng biometric ang fingerprint ko, babasahin naman ng sikyo ang palad ko!

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  3. pwede!!! po ba ako mag-pahula kasi gusto!!! ko sana ma-ayus iyong bahay! namin kasi. ang lumang-luma nah kasing papa kulang nag-hahanap buhay at bukod pa nito may bago na kaming ina-ina or stit mothers wala na kasi iyong tunay naming ina kinuhu sya ni lord gusto ko sana ako lang ang makakaayus sa aming bahay kasi may brother’s kami na dalawa puro kami mga lalaki noon tunay namin ina mga kapatid ko na isa ay nag-asawa nah so tatlo lng kami hinde pa nag-asawa apat kami sa mag kapatid ako ang bunso!!! pero gusto ko sana mag pahula sa hero-scope ko kasi scopion ako ipinanga-anak ko november 06,1985 gusto ko sana big-yan ninyu kami gabay para magaganap na mayaman, kasi lagi ako umaasa sa (pcso) na manalo kasi naniwala ako sa hula

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