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HOROSPOOF

16 01 2011


DAHIL SIMULA ng isang bagong work week, ire-repost ko dito ang horoscope na unang lumabas sa aking Twitter account. Bunsod na rin ito ng mga pagbabago sa galaw ng mga bituin ayon sa mga mananaliksik na kasapi ng Minnesota Planetarium Society.

Ang mga hulang ito ay may dalang magandang kapalaran; kaya’t ipinapayong paniwalaan. Good luck!

Bergo (Sep 16 to Oct 30)
Mag-engat kay Cancir. Sha ang ex mung de maka-mub un.

Caprecurn (Jan 20 to Feb 16)
Mamalasen ka bokas. Piru dunt wurri. Sagettaryus ka naman talaga dong! Injuy!

Akwaryus (Feb 16 to Mar 11)
Dati kang Pie-sez piru di ka iksimpted sa sompa. Magkaka-teleleng ka. Apter ol, an akwaryan is an akwaryan.

Pie-sez (Mar 11 to Apr 18)
Tilapya ka sa ‘yung past lyft. Madelem ang fyutyur mu. I can see a 5, another 5 and one more 5. Sardinas ka pala! Chura!

Ariezz (Apr 18 to May 13)
Kalemotan ang dating bohay. Kong de ka sinuwirti belang Taoros, fault ko ba ‘yon?!? Tse!

Lio (Aug 10 to Sep 16)
Pormerly, isa kang Bergo. Nawala ang berjenity mo. Bungga!

Taoros (May 13 to Jun 21)
Dati kang Jimmy-nai. Hu kers keyr bers?

Cancir (Jul 20 to Aug 10)
Tatama ka sa luttu. Magkaka-bee ef o gee ef ka ren na obod nang pugi o byutipoll. At hahaba ang bohay mo. Ang huruskup na ito ay magkakatutuu kung hende mo babasahen. Toingk!

Jimmy-nai (Jun 21 to Jul 20)
Ikaw ay dating Cancir. Weh ano ngayon? Baket, maganda ka ba?

Iskurpyu (Nov 23 to Nov 29)
Nabawasan ang araw mu sa kalendaryu. Howag malongkot. Di naman nabawasan ang lebog mu! Panalu!

Sagettaryus (Dec 17 to Jan 20)
Mang-aagaw! Enagaw mu ang Pasko’s Bagung Taun kay Caprecurn. Ibalek mo ‘yan kong ayaw mung masaktan!

Ophiuchus (Nov 29 to Dec 17)
Maherap kang espilengen. Ke bagu-bago mu pa lang, pasusyal ka na. Pakyu ka!

Lebra (Oct 30 to Nov 23)
Ekaw ang dating Iskurpyu. ‘Wag ka nang magreklamu. ‘Pag panget, panget!

Personal
Here’s some of the hilarious entries sent to our game on Twitter last Saturday night. This is Part 2 of the “Perfect Movie Casting Choices.”

1: From @1rgcruz: Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay and the PAL flight attendant – The Beach
2: From @dyosaimma: Noli de Castro – The Reader
3: From @mikay_michelle: Mar Roxas – The Waterboy
4: From @iamDanyel: Coco Quisumbing – Interview with a Vampire
5: From @atotibonjing: Mommy Dionisa – Land Before Time
6: From @Pimply_PonC: Jinky Pacquiao – Hiram na Mukha
7: From @HecklerForever: House of Representatives – Animal Farm
8: From @bochokoi: Mai Mislang – The Pursuit of Happyness
9: From @scuzzzy: Sec. Leila de Lima – She’s The Man
10: From @gudboyARL: Ronald Singson – A Walk in the Clouds
11: From @TomEvangelista: Willie Revillame and Shalani – Cruel Intentions
12: From @jayspogi: Marlene Aguilar – Blair Witch Project
13: From @sophiadedace: Ex-Maj. Gen. Carlos F. Garcia – Big Fish
14: From @dyosaimma: Kuya Kim – Pagdating ng Panahon
15: From @Alexandrious25: Malacanang – Land of the Lost
16: From @TomEvangelista: Joker Arroyo – Juan Tamad / Trillanes: A Bug’s Life
17: From @dilawako President Aquino and the Filipino people – The Prince and the Pauper
18: From @AbigailLimHo: Oil companies na nagtataas ng presyo – While You Were Sleeping
19: From @diceylu: Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay – Flight Plan
20: From @gangbadoy: Governor Chavit and Cong. Ronald Singson – The Family Stone
21: From @bochokoi: Philippine Bus – Final Destination!
22: From @AbigailLimHo: GMA, Mike Arroyo and Vicky Toh – Mahal, Saan Ka Natulog Kagabi?
23: From @bochokoi: Juana Change – Super Size Me
24: From @mae23md NAIA 3 – Arrested Development
25: Joshua Aquino, Jiggy Cruz, Jonty Cruz, and President Noynoy – Three Men and a Baby #waley!

Promise, the game this coming Saturday will be more hilarious. I have thought of a topic and I’m certain you’ll have a fun time. So join us this Saturday anytime between 9 and 11:30PM. Just follow me on Twitter.

Share this on Facebook and Twitter by clicking these: Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter

Regular heckling resumes Tuesday! Have a productive week!

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40 responses

16 01 2011
haydee

haha kalurky. nice one, PH

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16 01 2011
Thel from Florida

I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! Thank you very kindly for your brilliant mind.

Like

16 01 2011
professionalheckler

mabuhay! 🙂

Like

17 01 2011
Anonymous

di ako nag sasawang basahin ang horospoof mo super funny.

Like

17 01 2011
khanto

hooray!!! bunggang-bunggang bungangbilya ang huruskup!

Like

17 01 2011
Tracx

galeng galeng…. keep it up…thanks PH

Like

17 01 2011
Xandra

nice one mr.PH! 🙂

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17 01 2011
layeta

unsure, but what the heck, happy birthday! (?) =)

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17 01 2011
professionalheckler

hahahaha thank you! 🙂 jan16

Like

17 01 2011
senior60

belated happy birthday mister heckler, may you have many

more to come…

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17 01 2011
Maxlip

Happy Birthday PH!

Like

17 01 2011
Paul

Malacanang as “Land of the Lost’ and PNoy and the Filipinos “The Prince and the Pauper” are really funny. As a Filipino citizen I can only laugh but out of self-pity not out of self-satisfaction

Like

17 01 2011
etchosera

eto ha, magtatanong na naman po ako.

Kelangan ba talagang i-exflen kung bakit laftir ka?

LIKE WE ALL CARE! (Peram PH, ha?)

Like

17 01 2011
J.Gi Federizo

I forgot kung ano’ng sign mo (kasi Ay pugat yur birtdey), pero sigurado akong tama ang nilagay mo rito ;p

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17 01 2011
move0ut

prof, bat wala qang quotes? isa yun sa mga inaabangan q 🙂

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17 01 2011
yhza_izah

panalo..:) i love it…nakakawala ng homesick at stress pag ang mga blog mo ang nababasa ko..:) thank you! keep up the gud jub!

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17 01 2011
akosistella

Okay, so why does Madam Auring sound like Mommy Dionesia?

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17 01 2011
etchosera

Juicemio!

Laftir to the max naman ako dito sa horospoof mo!
Ayyyyyy! No exflenashien needed, basta laftir lang ng laftir!

ang tanong PH……

Pwidi ren bang magpahola sayu?

Ahah ahah ahah!

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17 01 2011
18 01 2011
PHavidreader

hay PH, sikat ka talaga, meron na namang nangopya ng article mo.

Like

17 01 2011
fan.ako

kaenes huh! vaka mabitbit ako sa mental neto kakatawa mag-esa!
nastimulet mo muscles sa fez ko:)

Like

17 01 2011
rojan88

hahaha. nabasa ko na to sa twitter lahat pero natatawa pa rin akong uliulitin. the best ka talga idol…pahabol na entry sa game last sat (di kasi nalaonline eh)

Madame Auring – The Mummy Returns.
Chin-chin Guttierez and Madame Auring – Plants vs. Zombies (hahaha, maipasok lang, baka gawan ng movie in the future.hehehe)

Like

17 01 2011
dan

..belated PH ha? sorry reader lng kz ako hindi nman “friend” kaya d alam bday mo. pero sanang maging one of urs…

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17 01 2011
mbw

wahahaha! panalo ka talaga Koyah!

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17 01 2011
iroppoi

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,PH!

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18 01 2011
charesma

kinarir mo prof yung horospoof! parang horrorspoof! haha, nakakaloka

Like

18 01 2011
kalokah

bakit di nahulaan ng mga manghuhula na magbabago ang mga zodiac sign? or yung lugar nila sa kalawakan.

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19 01 2011
eagles

Been a reader for months now. I must say this is one of your hilarious posts. Btw, I just saw this horoscope aired last night @ QTV11’s Tweetbiz w/o giving due credit.

Like

19 01 2011
professionalheckler

with permission po yun. i’m keeping it low key nga lang. thanks for the conccern. good day! 🙂

Like

21 01 2011
Anonymous

helu dir pee-itch soooper injuy aku sa blag mu.mur pawiiiiiiiir.

Like

19 01 2011
jarboleda

Heckler, ginaya ka na naman! Walang habas na binroadcast ng Tweetbiz ang Horospoof mo! But really, I thought inspired naman ni Mr. E ang punto ng horospoof mo e. BTW, si Mr. E was formerly a security guard for an animation studio I work for. Matindi security namin no? Pagkatapos basahin ng biometric ang fingerprint ko, babasahin naman ng sikyo ang palad ko!

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19 01 2011
professionalheckler

don’t worry. with permission po ‘yon. 🙂 thanks for the concern!

Like

20 01 2011
eddibumangon

hihihi, dami informer ni PH, di makalusot mga copy-paste journalists.

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20 01 2011
lisa

di na ako nakasali sa movie game. pero eto ang casting ko: pacquiao, jojo ochoa and noynoy : punch, drunk, love

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20 01 2011
etchosera

Pwede po ba akong tumawa?

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22 01 2011
eddibumangon

tama lang na di ka na sumali…hahaha…peace!

Like

20 01 2011
bongkito

kalintek na ‘yan!!! okay na yung zodiac sign ko e, napahirap pa ng pagispelengin!!!

sosmaryosep!!! but tenks for giving me a funny side of it. hope to read more about it soon!!!

Like

25 01 2011
HOROSPOOF « The Professional Heckler | Pnoy Talks

[…] this article: HOROSPOOF « The Professional Heckler This entry was posted in Jokes and tagged 2011-senior60, belated-happy, birthday-mister, […]

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8 02 2011
Anonymous

may i add: Sen Ping Lacson — “Catch me if you can”

Like

8 10 2012
Benchito D, Recta Delos Reyes

pwede!!! po ba ako mag-pahula kasi gusto!!! ko sana ma-ayus iyong bahay! namin kasi. ang lumang-luma nah kasing papa kulang nag-hahanap buhay at bukod pa nito may bago na kaming ina-ina or stit mothers wala na kasi iyong tunay naming ina kinuhu sya ni lord gusto ko sana ako lang ang makakaayus sa aming bahay kasi may brother’s kami na dalawa puro kami mga lalaki noon tunay namin ina mga kapatid ko na isa ay nag-asawa nah so tatlo lng kami hinde pa nag-asawa apat kami sa mag kapatid ako ang bunso!!! pero gusto ko sana mag pahula sa hero-scope ko kasi scopion ako ipinanga-anak ko november 06,1985 gusto ko sana big-yan ninyu kami gabay para magaganap na mayaman, kasi lagi ako umaasa sa (pcso) na manalo kasi naniwala ako sa hula

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