HALU-HALONG MGA HULA


BAGONG TAON NA! Uso na naman sina Madam Auring, Madam Rosa, Madam Suzette, at kung sinu-sino pang madam. Isama n’yo na rin sina Madam Maricel Gaskell, Madam Rene Mariano at Madam Arman Cuban. Sila ang mga self-proclaimed psychics na kadalasan ay nagbibigay ng mga hulang kasinglawak ng Milky Way at kasing generic ng Phenylephrine HCl Chlorphenamine Maleate Paracetamol.

Halimbawa:
“May maaaksidenteng celebrity sa ikatlong quarter ng taon kung hindi siya mag-iingat.”
>> Susmaryosep! Sanlibo’t sanlaksa ang artista! Kapag pumalya pa naman ang hulang ‘yan, ewan ko na lang!

[2009] Madam Suzette: “May mga nasa administrasyon na lilipat sa oposisyon at vice versa.”
>> ‘Di nga? Grabeee! Nakakagulat talaga! Kakaiba! Hindi namin na-predict ‘yon! Ikaw lang ang nakahula niyan! As in!

[2009] Madam Suzette: “Magpapatuloy ang contribution ng OFW sa ating bansa dahil sa remittances.”
>> Wow! How earth-shaking! Isang bagong impormasyon na ngayon lang nalaman ng publiko! Mabuhay ka!

Heto naman ang ‘vibrations’ ni Ms Maricel Gaskell [for 2010]:
Richard Gutierrez – May posibilidad na lumipat ng station.
Piolo Pascual – Posibleng lumipat ng station.
>> Anong station? Gas station o water refilling station? Give me a break!

Isa pang prediksyon ni Ms Gaskell:
Sharon Cuneta – Hahawak ng isang posisyon sa gobyerno.
>> Sorry! Ang tanging hinawakan ni Shawie… ensaymada! I heard, feyvorit daw niya ‘yon!


NARITO NAMAN ANG MGA vibrations at prediksyon ngayong 2011 para sa ilang kilalang tao sa ating lipunan mula sa isang bagong sibol na psychic na itatago natin sa pangalang Madam Damin: puwedeng namnamin, huwag masyadong seryosohin.

President Noynoy Aquino
Magkakaroon ka ng bagong girlfriend… pero mas mauuna kang magkaroon ng boyfriend. Kung ayaw mo itong mangyari, lumayo sa lalaking nagsisimula sa R ang pangalan.

Executive Secretary Paquito ‘Jojo’ Ochoa
Katulad ng pangulo, magkakaroon ka rin ng bago… hindi girlfriend. Bagong trabaho. Good luck!

Assistant Secretary Mai Mislang
Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning
Makakatagpo ka na ng superpoging boyfriend. Hindi ko lang alam kung saan, paano, at magkano.

Secretary Ramon ‘Ricky’ Carandang
Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning
Ipagpaliban ang planong biyahe sa papasok na taon. Huwag na huwag bibisita sa ‘Samar.’ Maraming galit sa ‘yo doon.

Attorney Edwin Lacierda
Huwag mabahala sakaling makasama sa gagawing Cabinet revamp. Abogado ka. Malaki ang tsansa mong ma-reappoint na judge… judge sa 2011 Metro Manila Film Festival!

DILG Undersecretary Rico E. Puno
Marami akong inihandang hula para sa ‘yo. Kaya lang, hindi ko talaga maalala. Next year na lang.

Sen. Panfilo Lacson
Sayang! Kung sumuko ka between July and November, baka laya ka na rin ng December. Alam mo namang naging trend ang pagpapalaya at pagdi-dismiss ng mga kaso ngayong December 2010, hindi mo pa sinamantala. Galingan mo pang lalo ang iyong pagtatago ngayong 2011… dahil nakikita kong makikita ka!

Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
Sa 2011, you’ll reach another milestone. Isang anibersaryo ang ipagdiriwang n’yo ni Atty. Jose Miguel Arroyo. Twenty-two years na ang iyong boob job! Good job!

PLDT Chairman Manny V. Pangilinan
Sa kabila ng disappointing box office performance ng pelikulang ‘Rosario’ (kuwento ng buhay pag-ibig ng iyong lola) na ginastusan mo ng milyun-milyong piso, gagawa ka ng isa pang pelikula na tatawagin mong ‘Manuel.’ Kuwento ito ng iyong lovelife. Mangunguna ito sa takilya! Bongga!

Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez
Ingatan ang tiyan. Baka ‘di ka nila masikmura.

Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV
Noong ikaw ay nakakulong, ikaw ang fourth biggest spender sa Senado. Ambilibabol? Bilib it! Madodoble ito ngayong laya ka na. Spend wisely.

Miko Morelos, Inquirer Reporter
Magkakatotoo ang prediksyon ng isang socialite. Tatama ka sa lotto. Try mo ang Suertres o kaya EZ-2 .

Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim
& Manila Vice Mayor Isko Moreno

Lalo pang titindi ang inyong bromance. Matutupad ang plano n’yong makapag-abroad – together. Sabay kayong ipapatawag ng Hong Kong government para sa isang hearing on the Manila hostage crisis.

Jessica Alfaro, Vizconde massacre witness
Madlilim ang nakikita kong kapalaran mo. Mag-alis ka muna ng shades.

Sen. Loren Legarda
Malaki ang posibilidad na mahulog ang loob mo sa isang lalaking may dugong banyaga. Napakayaman ng lalaking ito. Aalukin ka niyang manirahan sa kanyang mansion… ang Playboy Mansion!

Shalani Soledad
Kung gusto mong manatili sa iyong trabaho ngayong 2011, ipagpaliban ang planong pambabasted sa isang masugid na manliligaw. Tiyaking palagi kang may kasamang alalay o PA kapag nasa dressing room. Mahirap na.

Kris Aquino
Matatagpuan mo sa isang sosyal at pang-mayamang mall sa Makati City ang lalaking matagal mo nang pinapangarap: matipuno, matangkad, tigasin. Siya ang lalaking magmamahal sa ‘yo nang tapat; ang lalaking magiging sunud-sunuran sa lahat ng gusto mo, at ang lalaking makakasama mo 24/7 habambuhay. Isa siyang mannequin.

Ex-future president Mar Roxas
Nakikita kong halos tiyak na ang pagbabalik mo sa pamahalaan ngayong 2011. Posible ring maging tatay ka. ‘Yan ay kung ‘di ka mauunahan ng pinakamahigpit mong kalaban. Itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang ‘menopause.’

At maraming iba pa!
>> Hindi pa rin magpapakita sa media ang CPP-NPA spokesman na si Gregorio ‘Ka Roger’ Rosal. Pero magpaparamdam naman ito. Awooooo!

>> May madadakip pang mga suspek ang NBI sa bar exams blast noong September. Itatanggi nila ang alegasyon, at bilang protesta, tatakbo sila nang hubo’t hubad sa palibot ng NBI Headquarters.

>> Isasapelikula ni Carlo J. Caparas ang buhay ni Gerardo Biong, ang pulis na nasangkot sa Vizconde massacre. Ngunit hindi mabubuo ang pelikula dahil tuwing matatapos ang isang shooting day, laging may magaganap na sunog sa set.

>> Malalampasan ng Pilipinas ang matitinding bagyo. Pero kung hindi, ‘wag mag-alala… ang bagyo mismo ang lalampas sa Pilipinas. Hello Taiwan!

>> Lalo pang sisikat ang mga Azkals. #sorryvietnam #maiMGApogiRITO

>> Mag-ingat sa mga bus. Alam mo na kung bakit.

>> Patuloy na maaapektuhan ang katinuan ng isang mambabatas dahil sa bawal na gamot. Posibleng humantong ito sa paghihiwalay nila ng kanyang misis.

>> Isang pulitiko ang masasangkot sa isang iskandalo. Mag-uugat ito sa away nila ng kanyang dating kinakasamang starlet. Si pulitiko ay may kapatid din sa gobyerno, at ang kanilang ama ay… [Ayoko nang dagdagan! Delikado!]

>> Mahuhulog ang loob ng isang TV reporter mula sa isang malaking network sa isa ring TV reporter ng kalabang network. Pareho silang lalaki. Si TV reporter No. 1 ay… [Ayoko nang dagdagan! Mas delikado!]

>> And finally, tuloy na tuloy pa rin ang court battle between ABS-CBN and Willie Revillame. At wala akong pakialam!
———————————-
“We should all be concerned about the future because we will have to spend the rest of our lives there.”
~Charles F. Kettering

Survey Says
Kumusta naman ang lovelife mo ngayong patapos na ang 2010 at papasok na ang 2011:
– Panalo! Super inlove! Mamatay kayo sa inggit! 25.84%
– Oks lang. Sakto lang. Bakit nakikialam ka? 29.48%
– Lovelife?!? Tao ba ‘to? Hayop? Lugar? Pangyayari? Pagkain? 44.68%

Personal
Sa inyong lahat mula Batanes hanggang Tawi-tawi, from Asia & Oceania to Europe, Africa, the Americas and Antarctica, thank you so much for keeping me company in 2010. This has been an awesome year for this blog and YOU made it possible. YOU! YOU! YOU!

Looking and moving forward to an even more meaningful and fun-filled 2011 kasama kayong lahat!

Maraming salamat! Have a safe, healthy, and prosperous New Year!

I love you people! #chizcurls #kesongputi #chizwhiz

Share this on Facebook and Twitter: Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

56 thoughts on “HALU-HALONG MGA HULA”

  1. happy new year PH! galing galing mo talaga idol. maraming salamat sa pagbigay mo ng panahon mo dito para mapatawa kaming mga nalulungkot at nagagalit sa katangahan ng mga nasa gobyerno, media, showbiz atbp. sa kabila nga mga nakakainis na pangyayari, nahahanap mo ang nakakatawa without trivializing the seriousness of the issues. our boisterous laughters are also a form of indignation. (sana lang maintindihan ito ng mga tangang bida dito). maraming maraming salamat.

    Like

  2. salamat sa 2010 na lumipas nang walang ligtas sa mga mapanuri mong heckling. you made our year!

    at salamat in advance sa mga susunod mo pang pagkilatis sa mga pangyayari sa 2011. we will always be behind you, cheering, supporting, and chuckling ……… a mile away, to be safe.

    happy 2011, PH!

    Like

  3. 2011 more or less

    more work from p-noy
    less talk from his sister

    more honesty from politicians
    less drinking from ochoa

    more tourists
    less criminals

    more freedom of information
    less journalist deaths

    more charity
    less poverty

    more accountability
    less corruption

    more young talent on tv
    less old has-beens

    more tv
    less adverts

    more debate
    less censorship

    more filipino independence
    less chinese control

    more courage
    less subservience

    Like

    1. Perfect, anon! save for …”more tv, less adverts.” sana nga pwede! but their connect is symbiotic; fact is, one can not live much without the other… i mean, long enough, more or less. That’s becoz airtime facilities are so high-priced that shows have to be sustained by ads money to avoid the ax. and the ads need tv’s wider reach and easy access to target viewers to move their goods and services. Perhaps we may need some regulations and control system that will be fair enough to all parties concerned… the tv stations, the advertisers, and the tv audience.

      Like

      1. symbiotic in the natural world or in commerce is rarely mutual but parasitic. so it is in media.
        the economics and the objectives are weoghted accordingly.
        the audience is cannon fodder.
        the less educated and less discrimimatory they are the more they can be manipulated and exploited.

        Like

      2. good idea, karaangbugoy! we have long cherished commercial miracles… meaning ads that are developmental; ones that inculcate and promote the golden values esp those of our heroes and forefathers that have overtime become things of the past. ang mga commercials natin nag-aaway sa ere para gawin tayong gastador, bulagsak, materyoso at masiba (sorry for this!). And our teleseryes, oh my God, are all stories of vicious scheming, treachery, and killings, even involving kids into somewhat highly for-adults-only conflicts. kaya tuloy mga lumalaking kiddies, maldito at maldita!

        Like

  4. as p-noy celebrates new year in a chinese restaurant and is pushing for chinese new year to become a public holiday the foreign policy becomes clearer as does the power behind the throne.
    the cojuangos and the chinese now dictate everything. meek and mild p-noy just says yes sir.
    ninoy was a giant of a man and we end up with the runt of the litter.
    leaders need vision and courage not someone more obsessed with his love life than the issues at hand.
    no wonder he is not taken seriously abroad.
    and no wonder all the criminals in senate and congress are so happy.
    he is not a threat to anyone and with his team of incompetents it is business or rather plunder as usual.
    you cannot give a 1st world system to a 3rd world country run by showbiz and largely uneducated politicians with chinese values of greed and corruption. it is not rocket science to predict the outcome.

    Like

    1. as they say the truth will out.
      so it is interesting that after a meeting with boss cojuangco on wednesday puppet p-noy had a meeting with pagcor on thursday in baguio followed by the bishop of baguio and then when his secret meetings became public said how he wants baguio to be the centre of the tourist campaign.
      the truth. cojuangco is pushing hard to get a casino licence for camp john hay in baguio but the bishop is opposing it. he dispatched his poodle p-noy to sort it out.
      watch what happens in 6 months time.
      cojuangco is now starting to get payback for his campaign investment.
      estrada was easy to buy off with houses gambling debts and girls, arroyo money and ego massaging, and p-noy through family ties and his weak character.
      baguio – the new macau according to p-noy!!
      is he on singson supplied drugs, or just completely stupid and naive.

      Like

  5. nice one to start the year idol. 🙂 the best ka talaga. we’re also looking forward to a more fun-filled and more heckling days. keep it up…
    ito naman ang hula ko para sa’yo:

    Mananalo ka ulit ng awards sa Phil Blog Awards at si Kris Aquino ang mag-aabot sa’yo ng trophy, sabay sabing “oh loi magpasalamat ka saken ha, kasi kung di dahil sa krissyleaks at mga krissy hirits mo di ka mananalo,ahahahahahaha”.

    happy new year PH. 🙂

    Like

  6. this blog continue to exist because of people like you, anon. people who tirelessly contributing sensible point of views on stuff being fed here.

    meron humor blogsite dati (goodtimes manila ba ‘yon?) na puro greetings, praises at paunahan ng comment posting ang laman. anong nangyari? eh di nawala. palagay ko nagkaroon ng carpal tunnel ang blogger dahil sa dami ng comments pinopost nya sa kanyang sariling blog gamit ang iba’t-ibang username. ok, that’s not the real story. ang totoo tinamad at nawalan na nang gana ang blogger dahil wala namang sense ang mga comments na ipinopost sa blog nya.

    wait a minute, diba ikaw yung pumuna sakin dati?

    https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/2010/12/13/three-peat/#comments

    siguro naman naiindindihan mo na ako ngayon. ayaw ko lang mangyari sa blog na ito ang nangyari sa good times manila.

    oh by the way, we’re not bloggers here. we are mere commenters/commentors (whatever!) sa blog na ito. si ph ang blogger.

    Like

    1. p!p-noy is better
      he shouldnt have star in his name.
      watch out for the chinese flag at malacanan on chinese new year as it is declared a public holiday.
      the takeover will nearly be complete and ninoy would turn in his grave.
      p-noy is not his fathers son.
      just a little mummys boy who has never grown up.

      Like

    1. p-noy and the house are pushing to have chinese new year as public holiday so no chance.
      they will be flying chinese flags at malacanang to celebrate.
      the takeover will nearly be complete.
      what other country would do that.
      certainly not any self respecting democracy.
      p-noy and his chinese links will put the final nail in the coffin.
      he is definitely not his fathers son.
      ninoy would be turning in his grave at the thought of a chinese run philippines

      Like

Say something...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s