DANGEROUS


2011 Budget
On Monday, President Aquino signed into law the P1.645-trillion General Appropriations Act of 2011… drawing praise and a loud applause from lawmakers who couldn’t wait to reimburse their expenditures last election.

Firecrackers!
According to the Department of Health, the top causes of injury on New Year’s Eve are (in order): 1) piccolo 2) kwitis 3) five star 4) whistle bomb 5) boga, and 6) triangle. Surprisingly missing from the list are ‘katigasan ng ulo’ and ‘katangahan.’


Instead of firecrackers, the use of pots and pans to make noise on New Year’s Eve has been recommended by the Department of Health. Or you could also try any Kris Aquino movie.

Last weekend, a 44-year-old woman from Bulacan committed suicide by swallowing piccolo firecracker. It was the second suicide try by the woman. In her first attempt, she tried to swallow pots and pans.

According to the DOH, even ‘torotot’ is dangerous for kids. Yeah, we know. They have to become adults first before they engage in that.

MMFF Awards
Several people are questioning the results of the MMDA-organized Metro Manila Film Festival Gabi ng Parangal. But that’s totally unfair. Awards are subjective. Besides, why expect too much from the very same people who run the metro’s traffic system?

Palace spokesman Atty. Edwin Lacierda headed this year’s MMFF board of jurors. Ignoring criticisms, Lacierda insisted that the list of winners was “fine-tuned” before being made public.

Top 10 Things Overheard At the Recent Dinner in Malacanang When President Aquino Arrived with Stockbroker Maria Elena ‘Len’ Lopez

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/lenlopez.jpg?w=284&h=170
No. 10: “’Yan ba ang bagong chick ni Presidente?!?! Wehhh?”

No. 9: “O Ricky, ‘yong promise mo huh. ‘Wag mo munang ili-leak sa ANC.”

No. 8: “’Asan ba ‘yong number ni Victor Agustin ng Manila Standard Today? Ah, here. 0918-904-3826 Send! Bingo!”

No. 7: “In fairness, mukha namang palaban. Good luck kay Kris!”

No. 6: “As agreed in last week’s Cabinet meeting: no cameras, no cell phones, no videocams, nothing! Paki-deposit na lang sa reception.”

No. 5: “Ano kayang ipinakain sa kanya?”

No. 4: “Kinain kaya niya? Eeew!”

No. 3: “(Whispering) Pare, tuloy ang pustahan huh. Basta hula mo, hanggang mid-January lang. Sa ‘kin, feeling ko tatagal ‘yan hanggang birthday niya sa Feb. Deal?”

No. 2: “Oo ngaaaaaaa! Mas maganda nga siya kesa kay… Rico E. Puno!”

And the no. 1 thing overheard at the recent dinner in Malacanang when President Aquino arrived with stockbroker Len Lopez…

“Good evening. Ang sinumang magkukuwento sa media na nandito ngayong gabi si Len ay automatikong kasama sa Cabinet revamp next month. Maliwanag?”
————————————
“Kung ako ang may tindahan, lahat ng tao except for you, bebentahan ko nang mura. Sa ‘yo lang ako magmamahal.”
#chizcurls #kesongputi #chizescudero

Survey Says
Forty-two years na ang Partido Komunista ng Pilipinas. Any message?
5.24% – Mabuhay kayo! Ituloy ang pakikibaka para sa tunay na pagbabago sa gobyerno!
73.80% – Forty-two? Hayyyy, sad. Stop na kasi! May ibang paraan pa upang makamit ang pagbabago.
20.96% – Wala akong pakialam sa kanila.

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Have fun! Stay away from drugs. Don’t party too much!
Spread the love. Ingat!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

41 thoughts on “DANGEROUS”

  1. ayus ah, nice year ender PH. kahit talo ang lakers naten, at least may pambawing pampasaya. hehehe. ayus na ayus to “No. 2: “Oo ngaaaaaaa! Mas maganda nga siya kesa kay… Rico E. Puno!””. hahaha. kelan kaya masisibak ang Puno, sana matapunan ng paputok ngayong new year para matupok. hahaha. #jokelanbakamagkatotoo

    Like

  2. i2 tlgang mga lawmakers natin, publicity-hungry. lahat ng opportunity tlgang grab nilang lahat. have you noticed something s pix ng signing? prang lahat naka-cheeze smile.

    tignan nyo ung laging mga naka-buntot kay PACMAN. pro ni isa wlng pumansin sa kalagayan ni NAVARETTE ngayon kung nabaliw na ba o tumino pa.

    hay naku, philippine politics nga naman.

    PH, tlagang kinarir muna ung pagsisipag sa holiday ha?

    Like

    1. Ang tawag diyan, kakulangan ng decorum on both P-Noy and that stockbroker…Hmmm…stockbroker…hmmm…sayang connections…Hulaan na lang up to when magtatagal. Between P-Noy’s arrival from the U.S. trip…break-up daw k Shalani, and 3 different girls in a row in a period of 3 months. He’s 50 years old…Hay!!! Work mode nga muna siya. He had 20-30 years behind him to have spent finding the right woman for him. Sabi ng inner circle niya, talagang ganyan daw si P-Noy, never serious in any relationship. Pa-fling-fling lang. Puwes, magtrabaho muna siya ngayon at asikasuhin ulit ang fling-fling after his presidency.

      Like

  3. Kahit malungkot ako ngayon dahil nalaman ko lang kahapon na pumanaw na isang kaibigan ko nung Pasko, enjoy ako sa mga posts mo. Masaya ka basahin. Walang kakupas-kupas. Palagi kong pino-post sa FB wall ko mga blogs mo para ma-share ko with friends. Sana hindi mawala ang humor. Magaling ka kasi rumesbak sa politics at mga politikong walang kakwenta-kwenta. Salamat. Malignong, este, Manigong Bagong Taon! 🙂

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  4. Mga Lecheng komunistang yan…sana mawala na sila..wala naman nagagawang yang mga punyetang yan sa bansa natin. BWISET! F U COMMUNISTS!!!!

    In Fairness, maganda ang intention ng MMFF. It gives some relief to the local movie industry to strut their stuff, UNFORTUNATELY the movie makers and producers are not keen on improving the QUALITY of their production. Maka ilang shake rattle and roll, tanging ina, enteng kabisote pa ba ang kailangan nila ipalabas??? walang ka kwenta kwenta..isama mo na din dyan..father jejemon?? WTF!!! The only movie IMO worthy of a watch is Rosario as far as the feedback of other movie buffs are concerned

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