Civil War who?
Civil War ang tunay na mahirap. Civil War ang tunay na may malasakit.
Knock! Knock! Who?
Knock! Knockaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng basura? Nagpasko ka na ba sa gitna ng kalsada?
And with that saksakan nang korning “Knock, Knock” joke, The Professional Heckler announces the year’s catchiest election-themed tune: ex-future President Manny Villar’s “Nakaligo ka na ba…” jingle. The song became overly popular, it even eclipsed the popularity of its candidate. In fact, kung ‘yong jingle ang pinatakbo sa pagkapangulo, baka ito pa ang nanalo! Pramis!
– Manny Villar
– Mar Roxas
– Jejomar Binay’s win against Mar Roxas
– Manny Villar’s third place finish
– The ‘acquittal’ of Hubert Webb et al.
Biggest “Hindi na namin ikinagulat!” News
– The defection of Lakas stalwarts to other parties
– The Noynoy Aquino-Shalani Soledad breakup
– The Kris Aquino-James Yap breakup
– The transfer of Willie Revillame to another station
– The loss of Jamby Madrigal in the presidential race
Biggest “Eh Ano Naman Ngayon?!” News a.k.a. So, What?!?
– The loss of Jamby Madrigal in the presidential race
– The return of Noli De Castro and Korina Sanchez to TV Patrol
– The Kris Aquino-James Yap breakup
– Lito Lapid’s proposed bill seeking to limit the weight of school bags
– Vicki Belo and Hayden Kho: Together Again (weh ano ngayon!)
Funniest Political Joke of the Year
– Vetellano Acosta
“Sumuko Ka Na, Napapaligiran Kita; Hindi Ako Susuko, Marami Ako” Award
– Fugitive senator Panfilo Lacson
“The Lord Has Failed Me! Not Just Once, But Twice!” Award
– Defeated presidential aspirant Bro. Eddie Villanueva
Bromance Statement of the Year
“Kapag nakulong siya, magpapakulong din ako. Magsama na lang kami sa oblo (loob).”
~Manila Vice Mayor Isko Moreno on embattled Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim
Most Irritating Tongue-Twisting Acronym
– N-D-R-R-M-C (National Disaster Risk Reduction Management Center)
Most Titillating Acronym
– TTMO (Traffic Transport Management Office of the Metro Manila Development Authority) TTMO rin!
The David Blaine ‘May Future ka sa Magic’ Award
– Alberto Lubang, the tourist bus driver who miraculously & mysteriously escaped by removing his handcuffs using only a nail file. Sinapian yata ni Mother Ricky Reyes!
Most Overused Words/Phrases
– Major, major
Most Irritating Words
2010: The Top 5 of Whatever! (Part II)
Noy & Kris.
Highs and lows.
Hits and misses.
Villains and heroes.
Idiots and geniuses.
They all made 2010 twice as exciting. And they also made it on our year-end list.
TOP 5 VILLAINS/VILLAINOUS MOMENTS
First Philippine Industrial Corporation
– For its crime against the environment. For putting the lives of West Tower condominium residents and the health of a whole barangay in Makati City in continuous peril. Ang kapal ng mukha n’yong mag-conclude na wala kayong pagkakamali ‘tapos mag-aalok kayo ng isandaang libong piso?!? Isaksak n’yo sa tubo n’yo!
DILG Undersecretary Rico E. Puno
– The shooting buddy with selective amnesia revealed that five groups were working to have him ousted. Apparently, he outfoxed all five of them. Ikaw na! As one columnist suggested, Rico E. Puno could very well be, albeit unofficially, President Aquino’s First Gentleman. Sweet!
The Local Media
– August 23. Hostage crisis. Nine lives. ‘Nuff said. [We will never forget.]
The Supreme Court
– For teaching us a strange lesson in honesty: Kahit kumopya ka pa nang kumopya, siguradong lulusot ka, basta’t walang malisya. Buwakanangina!
Asst. Sec. Carment ‘Mai’ Mislang
– #Ewan #ko #ba #naman #sa #yo #kung #bakit #sa #Vietnam #ka #pa #naghanap #ng #lalaki! #But #we #have #forgiven #you. #And #since #Christmas #naman #ngayon, #narito #ang #gift #namin #sa #yo: #isang #paalala #na #hindi #lahat #nang #araw #suwerte #ang #pagiging #cute. #CLICKHere.
Special Mention (Villains):
Delfin Lee and Globe Asiatique: “Chili con artist Prize.” Ang kapal din naman ng apog mong kasuhan ang PAG-IBIG. Naniniwala kami sa karma! Think Legacy’s Celso De Angeles! ‘Tsaka, a-ha! So anak mo pala ang socialite who’d always carry an Hermes bag. Now we know! #mahiyanamankayosapagflauntngyamannyo
TOP 5 HEROES
Commission on Elections /Smartmatic-TIM
– Sa kabila ng mahaba at tila walang katapusang pila sa mga presinto, nairaos nang matiwasay ang halalan. Ang tanong: kumusta na sina Ruffa Gutierrez at Cesar Flores? Eh sina Cesar Flores at Pia Cayetano? Wala lang.
Manny Pacquiao & Charice Pempengco
– Manny for his 8th world title and Charice for making it big in Hollywood – despite the Botox brouhaha. To Vicki Belo… boo!
University of the Philippines-National Institute of Geological Sciences (UP-NIGS)
– Sa pinuhunang sipag at tiyaga upang mahanap ang pinagmumulan ng tumatagas na langis sa Makati City: isinalba n’yo ang maraming buhay at ang isang buong pamayanan. Mabuhay!
Raissa Laurel, Bar Exams Blast Victim
– Sa iyong matapang na pagharap sa hamon ng buhay. Ikaw ang nagsilbing mukha ng bawat inosenteng biktima ng karahasan sa loob o labas man ng pamantasan. Padayon!
Justice Sec. Leila De Lima
– For being just. For being fair.
Maria Venus Raj: Ipinaglaban mo ang iyong korona. Ipinaglaban mo ang iyong pagka-Pilipina. A fifth place finish was no mean feat. Pagpasensyahan mo na kung mean kami sa iyong major, major blunder sa Q&A portion. Ang mahalaga andun ka!
TOP 5 ‘BIGLANG SIKAT’ MOMENTS
The RP XI
– Etheridge. Younghusband. Youngerhusband. Greatwich. Gier. De Jong. Araneta. Barsales, atbp. Thank you for lifting our spirits in December. The overachieving Azkals’ great run in the AFF Suzuki Cup did drum up our interest in football. And yes, the boys’ charm did drum up a generous businessman’s ‘interest’ in the sport too. In fairness.
Comelec Commissioner Gregorio Larrazabal
– The very affable and accommodating poll commissioner has become the favorite resource person among journalists. I’m sorry but… James Jimenez who? #intrigaYan!
Michael Rogas, RMN News
– What happens when a radio anchor attempts to become a hostage negotiator on-air, live nationwide? Michael Rogas happens. Boo!
PCSO’s Grand Lotto 6/55
– Utang na loob. Huwag na huwag kang magdi-deny. Tumaya ka rin sa 6/55 lotto draw, right? The biggest windfall in the history of Philippine lotto lured thousands of Filipinos to lottery outlets. In the end though, a New York-based balikbayan won the 741.1 million-peso jackpot! ‘Yun ay kung totoo ang claim ng PCSO. Malay natin. Hmpf! #bitterOcampo #ampalaya
TOP 5 “OUCH! I GOT IGNORED” MOMENTS
President Aquino and Chief Justice Renato Corona
– Because Corona was a “midnight appointee” of ex-president GMA, Aquino refused to take his oath before him. Instead, he announced that a barangay captain in Tarlac was prepared to swear him in. But the law doesn’t allow that and Noynow doesn’t know the law. Toingggkk! Thus, another justice had to administer his oath at Quirino Grandstand. But the Cold Wave Pagoda Lotion treatment didn’t stop there. During his inaugural address, the newly installed president did not acknowledge the presence of the Chief Jutice. Supladito!
The Philippines and the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony
– Salamat sa presidenteng nahalal sa demokratikong paraan, ang Pilipinas ay napabilang sa talaan ng mga bansang nabahag ang buntot sa autoritaryang China at hindi sumipot sa Nobel Peace Prize ceremonies sa Oslo, Norway. Wow, ito lang naman ang mga kaliga nating bansa: Tunisia, Serbia, Iraq, Morocco, Egypt, Sudan, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, at Kazakhstan. Eh bakit ‘di na lang kaya natin palitan ang pangalan ng Pilipinas? How about Cowardstan? O kaya Sunudsunuransachinastan?
Vice President Binay and the DILG portfolio
– In a last ditch effort to bag the DILG post, Binay visited Times Street in June. But Noynoy won’t offer him the post. So what did Binay tell the media? “I am not going to accept any Cabinet post!” Tampo much? Makalipas ang dalawang linggong pagmumukmok at paghilom sa nasugatang ego, Binay accepted the post of HUDCC chair (housing czar). Three months later, he was also named presidential adviser on overseas Filipino workers’ concerns. ‘Yan ba ang ayaw sa cabinet post? Dala-dalawa! At take note, ang vice president meron na ring pork barrel! Sa’n ka pa!
Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Manny Pacquiao
– Pacman keeps giving in to his demands and yet, Floyd Jr won’t agree to a megabuck fight. Wala ka talagang bay*g! Teka, hindi mo maiintindihan, so I’ll have to say it in English: You know what Mayweather? Duwag ka! Toingkk!
Liz Uy and Noynoy Aquino
– The lady formerly known as John Lloyd Cruz’s girlfriend was just not that into the man formerly known as Shalani Soledad/Korina Sanchez/Barbara Milano/Bernadette Sembrano and 14 others’ boyfriend. Ending: he got dumped. The dating just stopped. Malacañang explained Liz’s and the President’s schedules wouldn’t just match. Utot!
TOP 5 BIGGEST DUDS
August 23 Manila hostage crisis rescue
– With Isko Moreno as president, and a radio anchor as chief negotiator, magtataka pa ba kayo kung bakit pumalpak?
Executive Sec. Paquito ‘Jojo’ Ochoa
– EO No. 1 pa lang, sablay na, may defective amnesty list pa. Subukan n’yong hanapin ang salitang “palpak” sa bagong bersyon ng illustrated Filipino dictionary at katabi nito ang larawan ni Ochoa.
May 10, 2010 Failure of Elections Scenario
– Maraming natakot. Maraming nagduda. Maraming kumuwestyon sa kakayahan ng Comelec at Smartmatic/TIM na pangasiwaan ang kauna-unahang automated elections sa bansa. Sorry, SABLAY kayong lahat! Tagumpay ang eleksyon! Everyone hailed the polls as credible, with the exception perhaps of defeated Quezon City mayoral candidate Annie “Two Flash Cards” Susano. Columnist Conrado De Quiros and lawyer Harry Roque, two of the more vocal critics of the Comelec automation project even apologized for predicting disaster. Ikaw na!
DOT’s Tourism Campaign Logo
– Goodbye 5 million pesos! Polska… Kay Ganda!
Manny V. Pangilinan’s Ateneo Graduation Speech
– Dahil kinopya pala niya ang ilang bahagi ng talumpati ng mga kilalang tao sa mundo gaya nina Obama, Oprah, JK Rowling at Conan O’Brien, na-imbyerna hindi lamang ang mga Atenista kundi ang libu-libong taong humahanga sa nag-iisang MVP. Tumanggi si Ateneo de Manila University president Fr. Bienvenido Nebres na tsugiin siya sa Board of Trustees ngunit dahil may delicadeza ang inyong lola, nagsumite ito ng irrevocable resignation. Bongga!
Special Mention (Biggest Duds):
– ABS-CBN’s “Pilipinas, Win na Win”
– GMA 7’s ‘Asar Talo Laging Panalo’ hosted by ex-future vice president Edu Manzano
– Malacanang’s handling of HK Executive Donald Tsang’s call during the Luneta hostage crisis
Secretary Coloma: Si Donald Tsang tumawag??? I seriously doubt that.
Secretary Carandang: Yes, he did.
President Aquino: Hindi ako kinatok sa meeting.
[Samakatuwid, kasalanan ng pinto. Punyetang pinto ‘yan, hindi man lang nagsalita.]
TOP 5 “PANSININ N’YO NAMAN AKO” MOMENTS
Kris Aquino on The Buzz (March 14)
– 5:45PM Araw ng Linggo. Dalawang buwan bago ang eleksyon. Sa kalagitnaan ng mainit na kampanya, ito ang bumungad sa ating mga telebisyon:
“Masakit po sa akin dahil ginagamit ako para sirain ang pamilya ko. E, nagbago naman po ako, e. Hindi naman po ako ang tumatakbo. Sige na ho gamitin n’yo na ako kung gusto n’yo talagang sirain si Noy. Kung ako na lang ang kasiraan ni Noy, sige gamitin n’yo po ako. Minamahal po namin ang bayan natin kaya po lahat ng ito pinagdadaanan namin.”
Excuuuuuuuuze me but WHO rattled your cage? It’s as if ikaw lang ang bukod tanging kinawawa, inalipusta, siniraan, tinira-tira, inapi-api, at inaapak-apakan noong halalan. And you know what’s more annoying? We enjoyed it! We enjoyed every second of your hysterics, your histrionics, your dramatics! Lahat ng iyong -ics! Nakakainis ka! ‘Nyeta!
– In a Congressional hearing last May, “alias Robin” a.k.a. Koala Boy exposed the alleged massive election fraud during the May 10 automated elections. That hearing in Congress was also the biggest gathering of losers in recent history. It also marked the first time that a marsupial visited a crocodile farm.
Nanay Curing Villar
– It was one of the lowest points of the Villar campaign: turning a rocking chair-stuck octogenarian into campaign paraphernalia. How could you people!? Seriously, how could you?!
– Last July, she publicly aired her gripe against her Tito Sen (Sotto) and pareng Bong Revilla for not supporting husband Kiko Panglinan’s bid for the Senate presidency. Also in July, she reportedly confronted Piolo Pascual with regard to an issue involving daughter KC Concepcion. Last month, she took a swipe at Aga Muhlach during a Big Dome concert of Ai-Ai De Las Alas. And just last week, her name got dragged into the Sarah Geronimo-Cristine Reyes quarrel. Kaya mga kababayan, personal na po akong umaapela at nananawagan sa inyo. Parang awa n’yo na po, pansinin n’yo naman siya. Please lang. Salamat po.
THE YEAR IN PHOTOS
“WTF Are We Doing” Moment of the Year
– The bungled rescue of the Hong Kong tourists as seen worldwide. Ang maso, bow!
“That’s Just Awkward” Moment of the Year
– President Aquino and former President Arroyo in the longest limousine ride of their lives
Ewwww Photo of the Year
– Earlier this year, VP candidate Jejomar Binay bravely admitted he once had an illicit affair. Despite these photos, parang ayaw ko pa ring maniwala. Pero nand’yan na eh. So tanggapin na lang natin. Ganu’n talaga ang buhay eh. Minsan, may mga pangyayaring hindi maipaliwanag kahit ng siyensya.
Worst Election Campaign Giveaway
– Hindi na siya natuto! Matapos mamahagi ng bracelets sa lamay ni former President Aquino, akalain mong mamigay pa noong kampanya! For someone as filthy rich as her, that’s beyond cheap. That’s cheapipay!
SPECIAL MEDIA AWARDS
Experiment of the Year:
– Radyo Singko (TV5): The former MRS 92.3; JOEY@92.3; 923-JOEY, and 92.3XFM ushered in a new era in radio broadcasting: AM programming in the FM band. Mehhhh ganun?!?
Breakthrough Radio Tandem of the Year
– Alvin Elchico and Lynda Jumilla, SRO (DZMM/ABS-CBN)
“Nabulabog ang Newsroom Dahil sa Ginawa Niya” Award
– Maria Ressa and her decision to resign as head of ABS-CBN News
“Inggit Ka Lang sa Ganda Ko” Award
~ Trish Roque (TV 5). For keeping her cool when CHR Commissioner Coco Quisumbing humiliated her in front of fellow journalists
“Dude, You’re Wet. No, Dude I’m Alive!” Award
– Niko Baua (ABS-CBN) and Emil Sumangil (GMA7). Isang pagkilala sa kanilang katapangan matapos tumaob ang sinasakyan nilang motorboat habang nangangalap ng impormasyon hinggil sa oil spill sa Limay, Bataan noong Hulyo.
“Ipinahamak ako ng Tears for Fears” Award
– TJ “beat.the.heat” Manotoc (ABS-CBN) – For being observant even during concerts. And what did he observe? Right click here..
“My brother is not a pig! My brother is not a piiig!” Award
– Radio reporter Dennis Datu (DZMM/ABS-CBN) For having the guts to say NO to the “advances” of CHR Commissioner Coco Quisumbing. Ayon kay Quisumbing, sa restroom na lang daw siya kapanayamin ni Dennis dahil nagmi-make-up pa siya. Anong palagay niya kay Dennis? Si Fanny Serrano!?!
“Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.”
Sino ang dapat tanghaling Filipino of the Year for 2010?
– President Noynoy Aquino 14.5%
– DOJ Sec. Leila De Lima 20.54%
– Manny Pacquiao 41.09%
– Charice Pempengco 12.08%
– Other: 11.78%
Uy! Twitter followers, na-mention tayo rito! So next Saturday, let’s have another game. If you want to have some fun anytime between 9 and 11:30PM every Saturday you’re welcome to join us. But first, you’ve got to follow me on Twitter and that’s dangerous.