KrissyLeaks


A YET TO BE AIRED interview of Ted Failon with Kris Aquino was leaked to The Professional Heckler by KrissyLeaks, a non-stock, non-profit, non-government, non-existent, and none-of-your-business organization dedicated to bringing all Kris Aquino-related news & information to the public. Here’s a partial transcript of that interview.

TED: Hello Kris, welcome to the show!
KRIS: Hi there Ted! Welcome to my life! Ahah-hah-hah! Naloka ka ‘no! Intro pa lang, binuko na kita! Ahah-hah-hah!

TED: Sandali lang huh, 30 minutes lang kasi tayo Kris, so diretso na ‘ko sa mga answers.
KRIS: Anong answers!? You mean, questions! Gosh, namumula ka Ted! Ahah-hah-hah! Buti na lang taped tayo.
TED: Okay, okay… first question: Naglabas ng gag order ang Makati City RTC with regard to the motion for the declaration of nullity of your marriage to James Yap, may nakikita ka bang problema sa ganung set up?
KRIS: Hay naku Ted, it’s not even a problem! Since the judge prevented me from talking about my marriage, what else can I do? Eh ‘di talk about Kuya Noy’s love life! Mas bongga kung ganun ‘di ba? Where do you want me to start? Ahah-hah-hah!
TED: Akala ko ba may gag order sa ‘yo si Presidente?
KRIS: Actually yeah. Kaya lang Ted, I’m sure maiintindihan naman niya. I have a movie sa film fest. I need to make noise! ‘Tsaka prangkahan na Ted, an investment is an investment ‘noh. I can’t afford to lose money! ‘Yong part ng kikitain ko will be for Bimby’s future kasi nga ‘di naman kalakihan ang suweldo ng ama niya ‘di ba? Ay, ano ba ‘yung nasabi ko? Gossssh, magagalit na naman si Ate Ballsy. I swear, tatawag na naman ‘yon. I’ll zip my mouth na nga lang.


TED: Last Tuesday sa TV Patrol, sinabi mong hindi ka obsessed sa interviews, at never kang naging atat sa pagsasalita sa harap ng camera. Mabuti naman at ‘di ka tinamaan ng kidlat!
KRIS: Anong sabi mo Ted?
TED: I mean, meron ka bang pinatatamaan sa statement mong ‘yon?
KRIS: Helllooooooo! Maang-maangan ka Ted. You know her, umamin ka! It’s that lady lawyer na boyish ang haircut, kinda dark ang lips, laging naka-choker, at may pearl earrings. My gorrrrsh, wala ba siyang stylist? Or maybe, she’s got one pero blind? Ahah-hah-hah!

TED: Balik tayo sa Presidente. Lately kasi, parang panay na panay ang date niya. After ng Barbie Palagos, sumunod ang Liz Uy, nagkaroon ng Len Lopez, at ngayon naman, Mary Grace Tan. Wala pa ba siyang napipili?
KRIS: I really don’t know Ted. He’s almost 51 and sabi nga ni Ate Ballsy hayaan na lang nating magdesisyon ang ating pangulo. Kung ang ending ay sila pala ni Undersecretary Rico E. Puno, who are we to judge, ‘di ba? At the end of the day, hello Secretary Edwin Lacierda, borrow muna ng line mo huh! Okay! Again, at the end of the day, kapag happy si Noy, happy rin ang bansa natin kasehodang mainlove siya sa best friend niya! Ker ko at ker natin ‘di ba? Ang importante maligaya siya at maayos ang pamumuno niya! Tama?
TED: Taaaaama!
KRIS: Ahah-hah-hah! Ang cute mong magsabi ng “Taaaaama.” Promise. Ano nga palang size ng shoes mo Ted?
TED: ‘Yan ka na naman Kris. You’re putting me on the spot.
KRIS: Why?!? I just wanna know, and I think the public naman, kahit papa’no deserves to know something about you. Sige na Ted, anong shoe size mo?
TED: 10.
KRIS: Ten? Divided by 2 plus 1 equals… ohmigosh!
TED: Ano ‘yon?
KRIS: Wala lang. Ahah-hah-hah! Nakakaloka!
TED: Bakit nga?
KRIS: Basta! By the way, James is size 14. ‘Tapos 12 si Ipé, and Joey is 13.


TED: Iwan na nga natin ‘yang shoe size-shoe size na ‘yan at lalo lang akong nate-tense. Ano nga palang masasabi mo sa pagpasok ni Councilor Shalani Soledad sa showbiz?
KRIS: Next question please…
TED: Okay, ano na lang ang reaksyon mo sa balitang nanliligaw si Willie Revillame kay Shalani?
KRIS: Hay naku, ang kulit mo Ted. Sige… ano muna ang size ng undies mo?
TED: Sige na nga, move on na tayo.
KRIS: Good! Gosh, pinapainit mo ang ulo ko! May dinner pa naman tayo mamaya.
TED: Huh?
KRIS: Grabeeeeee! Are you denying me again? How could you Ted? ‘Di ba nag-confirm ka na? Gosh! ‘Pinapahiya mo ko sa viewers. Basta! Lalabas tayo tonight with Boy and Bettina.

TED: Tapusin na muna natin ‘to Kris. Maiba ako, kung ikaw ang hiningan ng slogan for the Department of Tourism, anong imumungkahi mo?
KRIS: Of course, malapit sa puso ko ang word na “Pilipinas” kasi tatlong shows ko ang may “Pilipinas” sa title: ‘Pilipinas Game Ka Na Ba,’ ‘Pilipinas Got Talent,’ and ‘yong last show ko… basta, ‘yong… hmmm, sige na nga, aaminin ko na, ‘yong show kong hindi nag-rate! Gosh. Kainis! Half-baked kasi. ‘Yong ‘Pilipinas Win na Win.” But if Secretary Lim would ask for my help, pagsasama-samahin ko ang titles ng tatlo kong shows. The slogan will be: “Pilipinas Got Game! Winnerrrrr!” O ‘di ba bongga! Ahah-aha-aha!

TED: Alam kong active ka sa Twitter. At alam kong alam mo ang nangyari sa speechwriter ng pangulo. Kung ikaw ang nasa Vietnam, ano kaya ang mga itu-tweet mo?
KRIS: First of all Ted, my heart goes out to Mai Mislang. You know, she’s young, adventurous, and most probably, loveless kaya ganun ang mga tweets niya. Helllllllo! Maloka kayo kung nakipag-date siya sa Vietnamese noh! Imagine, nasa official visit ka tapos nakikipaglandian ang speechwriter. So, tama lang na wala siyang nakitang pogi do’n. But if I were in her shoes, I’ll never be in her shoes.

TED: Kung magbibigay ka ng Christmas gift sa mga taong babanggitin ko ang pangalan, ano ang ibibigay mo sa kanila at bakit?
KRIS: Nililinaw ko lang Ted huh – hypothetical lang ‘to. So kapag may nagalit na naman sa akin, sagot mo ‘ko. Okay?? Go!
TED: Kay James…
KRIS: Choker! Para may panregalo siya sa kanyang lawyer na hobby na yata ang magpa-interview!

TED: Kay Mayor Junjun Binay…
KRIS: Uyyyyyy! Jelling. Umamin ka Ted! Nasasaktan ka kapag binabanggit ko ang name ni Junjun ‘no? Ahah-ha-ha! Gift ko sa kanya? Siguro, black gulaman. Kasi, he’s so dark yet so sweet. Shoccccks. I’m so cheesy na. Nakakainizzzz!

TED: Sa mag-asawang Mar Roxas at Korina Sanchez…
KRIS: Hmmm, friendship bracelets pero sasabihin ko, galing ‘yon kay Senator Chiz para matapos na ang cold war nila. If you’re watching Kuya Mar and Ate Koring… Christmas na! Forgive n’yo na kasi si Chiz! Kayo rin… bad vibes raw ang may kaaway pagpasok ng New Year. Baka ‘di kayo makabuo. Ahah-hah-hah!

TED: Kay Shalani Soledad…
KRIS: Helloooooo… bakiiiit? Close kami?

TED: Kay Liz Uy…
KRIS: Isip muna ako. Gosh! I almost forgot! She’s my ex- almost-sister-in-law nga pala. Hay naku sis! Choosy ka! Pero don’t worry, love pa rin kita.

TED: Kay Sharon Cuneta…
KRIS: Tupperware…
TED: Sino?
KRIS: My gaaaaad! Pinag-aaway mo na naman kami ni Mega. Let me finish please! Tupperware full of ensaymada kasi favorite niya ‘yon! Hi Shawie! Don’t cry ulit okay?

TED: Kay Senator Ping Lacson…
KRIS: Siguro, round trip ticket to any destination of his choice pero dapat sabihin niya sa akin where. After all, 2 million is 2 million! Ahah-hah-hah! Nagbibiro lang ako Ted! Hi Jodi. Hi Pampi!

TED: Kay Executive Secretary Jojo Ochoa…
KRIS: Can I be honest Ted?
TED: Sure…
KRIS: Gusto ko siyang bigyan ng mag-asawang sampal para magising siya. Gosh, mapapahamak si Noy sa mga kapalpakan n’ya no!? Sorry Jojo, I know your dad was close to my dad, but nakakairita lang talaga ang mga nangyayari ngayon. Sorry!

TED: Kay Presidente…
KRIS: Alam mo Ted, isa lang naman ang laging hiling ni Noy from me eh. Ang busalan ko ang bibig ko. Pero sabi nga ng mga tiyo at tiya ko, “Kapag pinatahimik n’yo si Kris, hindi na si Kris ‘yon. Si Viel na ‘yon.” So to my brother… sorry, Noy hindi ako puwedeng manahimik. Pero kung may materyal na bagay na posibleng ibigay ko sa kanya, siguro PSP Go kasi sira na ‘ata ‘yong PSP3000 n’ya eh.

TED: Finally, anong gift ang gusto mong ma-receive this Christmas?
KRIS: Ikaw Ted, pwede ka ba? Ahah-hah-ha-ha!
TED: Two minutes na lang ang natitira sa show natin Kris.
KRIS: I’m serious Ted! Why not you? Single ka… single ako. Sikat ka… sikat ako. Matinong lalaki ka… maperang babae ako. O ‘di ba we’re compatible?! Ahah-hah-ha!

TED: Mga kaibigan, abangan po ninyo ang pagsasamahan naming show ni Ms Kris Aquino next year…
KRIS: Wait, please don’t forget to watch ‘Dalaw’ palabas na po sa mga sinehan sa December 25. Kakaibang movie po ito for the holidays. Hindi po kayo malulugi sa ibabayad ninyo dahil pinaghirapan ko po ito. Mula opening scene hanggang ending, tumitili po ako rito.
TED: Again, mga kaibigan, abangan n’yo ang pagsasamahan naming show ni Kris on ABS-CBN. It will be a monthly talk show na pinamagatang… Kris, ikaw na ang magsabi…
KRIS: “Buwanang Dalaw.” Watch out for it! Thank you!
-End of Transcript-

IN THE NEWS NOW…
Arrested
The shocking news on Tuesday was the arrest of Wikileaks editor-in-chief Julian Assange in London. In even more shocking news, Assange’s name was discovered to have been included on Malacañang’s amnesty list.

Nice Try
Last Wednesday, an 82-year-old woman tried to claim the 741.17-million peso Grand Lotto jackpot. But the woman failed to show the winning ticket because her grandson allegedly ran away with it. The PCSO became even more suspicious when they asked the woman who her grandson was. Her reply: Miko Morelos.

This just in (8PM/Th): The PCSO says a 60-year-old balikbayan has claimed the 741.17M-peso Grand Lotto jackpot. Tanong ng bayan: Sixty years old na si Miko Morelos? Balikbayan si Miko Morelos? #justkidding #peace

More Kris and Ted
In her TV Patrol interview last Tuesday, Kris Aquino revealed that she and news anchor Ted Failon were textmates. On live TV, she even invited him to a dinner. That interview marked the official launch of Failon as a promo material for Aquino’s film ‘Dalaw.’
——————————
“Being single isn’t the cause of loneliness, and marriage is not necessarily the cure. There are many lonely married people as well.”
– Renee Jones

Briefly Noted
Malacañang’s reaction to the recent Supreme Court ruling on the Truth Commission as ‘headlined’ by leading dailies and websites:
Philippine Star: Government to appeal SC ruling vs truth body
ABS-CBNNews.com: Aquino defends Truth Commission
GMANews.TV: Aquino: GMA untouchable? Not in my administration
BusinessWorld: Aquino wants quick fix to address legal obstacle to Truth Commission
Philippine Daily Inquirer: Aquino slams SC decision

Public Service
Sa mga taxi driver na CHOOSY, umayos kayo! DOTC Oplan Isnabero Hotline: 09172470385/ 09192227462 or text 7890.

Survey Says
Naniniwala ka bang patay na si Gregorio “Ka Roger” Rosal, ang spokesperson ng komunistang New People’s Army?
– Sumalangit nawa! 25%
– No! He’s still alive. 15.41%
– Do i look like someone who gives a damn? 59.59%

Word of the Week
KrissyLeaks: anumang bago o kontrobersyal na pahayag o impormasyon tungkol kay Kris Aquino mula mismo kay Kris Aquino #nowyouknow

Stay healthy. Stay happy. Spread the love.
Enjoy the rest of the week!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

99 thoughts on “KrissyLeaks”

  1. hmmmmp! very obvious at pakapalan ang panggagamit kay ted para promo sa movie…mukhang willing victim naman yung ted so di na dapat patulan…wish ko lang sana mag-flop ang pelikula nya… pero judging how gullible and tasteless Pnoy moviegoers are, parang di ata mapagbigyan ni santa ang wish ko.

    Like

    1. yes! hard sell ang promo ng “dalaw” na ‘yan. but riot sa LOL yung quote ni TPH kay Kris na “… pinaghirapan ko po ito. Mula opening scene hanggang ending tumitili po ako rito.” trulili! kahit saan ifeature yang si Kristeta, tv show at pelikula, horror at drama (?) superr tili ang factor nya! but in fairness… haaay! binibili pa rin sya! pinoy talaga!

      Like

  2. KrissyLeaks: anumang bago o kontrobersyal na pahayag o impormasyon tungkol kay Kris Aquino mula mismo kay Kris Aquino #nowyouknow

    KRIS: Hay naku Ted, it’s not even a problem! Since the judge prevented me from talking about my marriage, what else can I do? Eh ‘di talk about Kuya Noy’s love life! Mas bongga kung ganun ‘di ba? Where do you want me to start? Ahah-hah-hah!
    *****************
    This just in: Krissyleak —
    RT itsmekrisaquino
    “have you all seen the new Pantene tv commercial? i got sad watching, coz…that was where NOY visited LIZ UY. ako ang affected! about 1 hour ago via web

    Like

  3. i hate it kapag kailangan pa ng mga artista ang exaggerated na mga publicity.public property ang mga artista so kailangan role model din sila sa mga nakakapanood,nakakapakinig o nakakabasa sa kanila.in case of kris aquino,bukod sa artista siya,anak siya ng mga respetadong personalidad sa bansa at kapatid ng kasalukuyang pangulo natin.kaya dapat alam niya kung saan niya dapat ilugar ang sarili niya at ipakita ang tamang asta.in case naman sa mga fans niya,wala na tayong magagawa.nandiyan na iyan eh,kung baga eh naitatak na sa kanya ang pagiging taklesa at sinasakyan ng mga taga-hanga niya.hindi ba marealize ni kris na ito rin ang maaaring sumira sa kanya or worse eh sa family niya?anong klaseng morals ang maaring matutunan ng mga kabataan sa mga inaasta niya?in this time kung saan mas namumulat ang kabataan sa new media,kailangan ang disiplina at moral.

    Like

  4. “Mabuti naman at ‘di ka tinamaan ng kidlat!”
    HAHAHA!!!! Panalo!!!

    Bakit nga kaya biglang lumandi si Kristeta kay TF noong live interview?
    Ano talaga ang purpose? Bakit may mga insinuations na ganun? Yung movie lang talaga kaya ang reason? O pinagtripan lang ni Kris at ng staff si TF? O nag-i-ego trip lang si Tetay?

    Pero kung totoo nga…
    EWWWW!!!

    Like

  5. papanao ba naman uubra ang gag order kay kris eh sanay na sa size 14, 13 at 12. If she doesnt gag on that, nothing can. Her suggested DOT slogan should be “Pilipinas Got Weeeeners!”.
    Kris and Ted can do a remake of Notting Hill and thus,
    Kris (on the couch caressing Ted’s foot):Do you know what they say about men with big shoes?
    Ted: What Kris?
    Kris: They have big feet! Aha hah hah.

    Like

  6. nobel peace prize day. it shouldnt be ignored
    the philippines is boycotting the ceremony because the ampatuans didnt win.
    or because china told them ‘jump’ and they asked ‘how high’
    as ricky calamityagain said ‘its no big deal – we know where our bribes come from and where we can traffic drugs and party out of prying eyes at taxpayers expense. and most of us are of chinese heritage so we are looking after our own and our bank accounts. long live democracy and freedom of speech.
    more important whose buying the next round of drinks.’

    Like

  7. @ timpaul

    bakit drinks lang na mention mo, sino ang taya sa pulutan,
    baka pwede si @ chiwee, tutal businesswoman sya, tama ba
    chiwee? kasi, the last time, sabi mo nag schooling ka pa or
    which is which nga ba, or both?

    pero, ako, gugustuhin ko man, hindi ako pwede dahil nandito
    ako sa visayas, bisaya ako, however, however talaga, kung if
    you are gallant enough, can you provide a round trip ticket?
    yun bang balik kaagad ako pagkatapos ng tagayan joke….

    anyway, salamat timpaul ha na ako ang una sa billing na na
    mention mo….

    at dahil dyan, ikaw ang una kong i greet ng advance happy
    holidays at sa lahat ng bloggers dito at siempre kay mister heckler…

    Like

    1. bisaya diay ka ñor60? unsa pud klasing pagkabisayaa? akeanon, antiqueño, capiznon, guimarasnon, ilonggo, negrense, boholanon, cebuano, siquijoranon, waray or leyteño?

      basig duol ra atoa? kita nalang magtinagayay. naa ko dinhi usa ka container premium bahalina gikan ormoc. tagbaw jud tag-higop ani.

      Like

    2. hahaha! bisdak diay pud ka, nyor? Bahin sa drinks, wa pa tingali mo katilaw ug tuba gi koter noh? Mau nay akong ika panghinambug ninyo. Di pud ko in ana ka gallante, nyor. Ultimo ra man intawon ko nga lumolopyo dinhi sa Cagayan ug yanu lang nga empleyado sa gobyerno. Magkitakita ra gihapon ta nga mga sumusonod ni heckler ugma damlag ug dili ta manga buta. Anyway, maayong holiday sa tanan.

      Like

  8. eto n nman ang de*ony*itang std queen nanguuto n nman ng mga Pilipino. kelan ba mawawala sa paningin ng taong bayan ang babaeng yan..tawa ng tawa lahi talaga nilang magkapatid na *****mal. palibhasa magpinsan ang mga lolo’t lola kaya ganyan ang mga produkto…a****!!!

    For sure, papalabasin nila n number 1 top grosser ang movie nyan para isipin ng lahat n madami p ring fans ang gaga…andali lng magpamudmod ng tickets ang mga yan…

    Like

  9. don’t get me wrong PH because I really find your blog so entertaining. It’s just I have to go by the thread of nobel that the boycott na hindi naman daw boycott of the Pilifins sa Nobel Prize ceremony ay dahil optional naman daw ang attendance. Haler! Sabi ko nga sa sarili, itong mga ibang Pinoy (sori talaga ako at nasa Malakanyang sila) ay kasing dense ng DENSE at mas papatok pa ang balita tungkol kay Kristeta kaysa ano ang stand ng mga Pinoy sa human rights here and abroad! I feel more persecuted here than those in China by being exposed to the antics of these clowns!

    Like

  10. una sa tanan hikatalomato mag believe it or not usa ko,
    kon dili ka mutoo, bahala ka sa kinabuhi mo hahaha

    dili ko moinom, mao nga basta bisaya ko, ayaw na lang
    seryosoha kung unsang klase, anyway, dili man gyud ta
    magkatinagayay…

    kini sad si timpaul, may pagka sad, maypagka comedian,
    mao diay nga mobangka ug drinks kay nia sad diay sa
    mindanao, maayo unta ug taga mindanao si etchosera aron
    sila sad ang mag atubang ug tagay…

    Like

  11. its about time there was some fresh young talent on tv. aquino, abunda, fallon, castro, davila etc are all past their sell by date and should be pensioned off.

    they dont represent their audience or modern philippines.

    they are yesterdays people who cling on with the help of cosmetic surgery, friends in high places, and the media mafia

    Like

  12. garapalan talaga ang pag gamit sa media basta lang mapagusapan movie nya. Wla n talagang tatalo sa kakapalan ng mukha ng kris, the retard..

    Scripted nman mga questions and reactions ni TF, ciempre nsa Abias-cbn cla, they can interview her khit magdamagan…C ako, ko, kmi, c noy, c ate, mom n dad ang topic.

    Like

  13. Sorry, but i really have to puke whenever i see this piece of garbage on TV. The laughs??? Not so amusing why does she have to do that over and over during the scripted interview? Because she looks boring, a loser and insecure when she’s serious. Hereditary mental problem, hello…

    Yeah, no amount of money can cure her and her brother’s disease. Poor nation, why do you have to spend years of toink, toink, toink under psychiatric patients such as them….

    Like

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