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FIGURES

10 11 2010


Clinton in Manila
Former US President Bill Clinton paid a courtesy call on President Aquino in Malacañang. It was a very casual meeting between the two leaders. When Aquino asked, “Coffee, milk or tea?” Clinton replied, “Interns.”

President Aquino received a courtesy call from former US President Bill Clinton. It was a casual and private meeting between the two leaders. Aquino talked about alternative sources of funds; Clinton talked about alternative uses of cigars.


Clinton in Manila II
On Wednesday, the Alpha Phi Omega fraternity (Gamma Epsilon Chapter) came out with half-page ads in leading broadsheets to welcome their “brod,” former US President Bill Clinton. Rumors say, during Clinton’s brief stay here, APO members had so much fun with him. It was a blast!

TV War: A Postscript
According to AGB Nielsen’s Mega Manila ratings last Monday, November 8, TV5’s ‘Willing Willie’ with Shalani Soledad beat ABS-CBN’s ‘TV Patrol’ with Korina Sanchez, 11.6 to 10.7. Mar Roxas is reportedly filing a protest.

Reports say President Aquino did not watch Shalani Soledad’s hosting debut on television. Not that he avoided seeing her but… you have to understand, “Willing Willie” was on the same time slot as ‘The Tom and Jerry Show.’

According to Kantar TNS’ Mega Manila ratings, ‘TV Patrol’ with comeback queen Korina Sanchez won against TV5’s ‘Willing Willie,’ with its new co-host Shalani Soledad, 20.9 to 19.3. Meanwhile, GMA 7’s 24Oras got 23.4 percent prompting Ms. Jessica Soho to exclaim, “Thank God, Tita Mel wasn’t an ex-girlfriend!”

According to ABS-CBN’s survey firm Kantar TNS, ‘TV Patrol’ is tops nationwide, as well as in Metro Manila. ‘K.

On ‘Willing Willie’ last Monday, Councilor Shalani Soledad said, “This is not about Willie. This is not about me, but it’s more on kung ano ang magagawa para sa tao.” Is it 2013 yet?


Out Soon?
Unconfirmed reports say President Aquino will soon replace Executive Secretary Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa. If that’s true, the President just gave Ochoa another reason to get drunk.

At around 2:47AM (Wednesday), news websites started posting reports that Executive Secretary Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa was on the way out. The reports didn’t specify if he’s on the way out as Little President or on the way out of a bar.

Rumors say Executive Secretary Jojo Ochoa, who received flak for committing blunder after blunder will be replaced by Energy Secretary Jose Rene Almendras. Almendras says he’s not aware of the issue and then cleared Ochoa of any wrongdoing as Little President.

Lotto Fever
The Grand Lotto 6/55 draw on Wednesday, November 10 has a jackpot prize of 375 million pesos. Ang liit naman! That’s equivalent to just one senator’s pork barrel for one and half years.

Senator Juan Miguel Zubiri admits he spends 2,000 pesos on lotto every month. Apparently, Zubiri believes in luck. That’s what made him senator anyway.

Senator Ramon “Bong” Revilla Jr is also a lotto fan. His six numbers are a combination of the birth dates of his women.

APEC Summit
President Aquino is off to Yokohama tomorrow for the APEC Summit. As reported earlier, his speechwriter, Asst. Sec. Carmen ‘Mai’ Mislang will not be part of the official delegation, and that’s really unfortunate. Marami pa namang pogi sa Japan.

Guidelines
President Aquino has reportedly approved the draft of guidelines for government employees in using social media networks like Twitter and Facebook. Rule No. 1: Drinking wine (that sucks) while tweeting is not allowed… especially if you are in Vietnam. Rule No. 2: Don’t cross the street while you tweet. That’s suicide. And finally, Rule No. 3: In reality, ang pogi ay para lang sa maganda. Kung wala kang makita, baka hindi sila ang may problema. Baka ikaw.
—————————————
“A competitive world offers two possibilities. You can lose. Or, if you want to win, you can change.”
~Anonymous

Elsewhere…
Manila Standard Today: The Return of the K-Team

Philippine Daily Inquirer: Insatiable starlet meets match

Briefly Noted
In PDI’s Biz Buzz column Wednesday, November 8, reporter Dax Lucas re-released some figures from ABS-CBN (Kantar TNS) showing TV Patrol winning against TV5’s ‘Willing Willie,’ and GMA7’s ’24Oras’ last Monday night.

I wonder why Lucas didn’t cite the figures from Nielsen Media which revealed that ‘24Oras’ and ‘Willing Willie’ actually clobbered the comebacking duo of Korina and Kabayan last Monday in Mega Manila. What’s PDI’s slogan again? Balanced News, Fearless Views?

Survey Says
Pabor ka ba sa desisyon ni Councilor Shalani Soledad na maging co-host ni Willie Revillame?
– OO. Why not? 21.44%
– HINDI. 44.37%
– Wala akong pakialam! 34.18%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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70 responses

10 11 2010
URAGON

aym first!

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11 11 2010
Lola Nila

Yes, ikaw na nga!!! sana ay bigyan ka pa ni Lord ng another 200 years bilang gamtimpala… 🙂

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11 11 2010
esa

@Lola Nila, Lola ka na ba talaga? Natutuwa ako sa iyo. Btw, I’m 63 na., baka mas matanda pa ako sa iyo. 😉

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11 11 2010
Lola Nila

@esa: lola na tlaga ako, pero marami ang nagsasabi na wala sa hitsura (pero nasa baho 😀 ) kc pag-naglalakad ako, tayong2 pa ang sus* ko….kc 😀 😀 nakayuko na ako pagnaglalakad…. 😀 …50 pa lang ako, darling!

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12 11 2010
esa

Ok! So I’m really much older than you @Lola Nila ( I tell my real age bcoz many are surprised…mukhang 50s lang daw ako). Wink-wink, pero true. 🙂 Hope to read more comments from you here at Mr. PH’s blog. Btw, Mr. PH is quite young. Yuppie pa siya… lola na niya tayo. He-he!

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13 11 2010
eddibumangon

Aha! Mas may edad ka pala sa akin Lola Nila, bakit mo ako kinu-kuya?
Late 40s lang PO ako. 🙂

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2 02 2011
etchosera

late na po ako. see you later!

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10 11 2010
Jef

Another nice post PH!

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10 11 2010
chihuahua

in fairness, ang gwapo pa rin ni Clinton 🙂

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11 11 2010
Lola Nila

paano ndi maging gwapo eh itinabi ba nman kay PNoy…. di ba Mislang… 😀

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11 11 2010
esa

Pilya ka talaga @Lola Nila.

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10 11 2010
chumliit

shalani is a bit boring.not enough vitamins. :))
ms.mislang,humanap ka ng pangit at ibigin mong tunay.

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11 11 2010
Lola Nila

hayaan mo maraming bitamina si Wili..darating ang araw ndi na maging boring si Shalani… mas boring pa nga si Korina 😀 sa tru lang… so dry!!! 😀

ndi na kailangan ni Mislang na humanap ng pangit dhil pangit na sya at sya na lang ang umibig ng tunay!!! 😀

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11 11 2010
kaye

LOL! LOL! LOL!

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10 11 2010
promdi

101% prompt and updated as in 24Oras!, or is it TVPATROL?

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10 11 2010
promdi

Clinton replied: “interns!”; unforgettable talaga, noh? ikaw na si monica!

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11 11 2010
Lola Nila

ay ndi na gets ni PNoy yan…walang hilig sa tsiks si PNoy… tatanda bang binata yan kung alam nya ang “interns!” 😀

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11 11 2010
eddibumangon

“In reality, ang pogi ay para lang sa maganda.”

Kaya pala binabaha ng mga pogi sina Etchosera at Lola Nila.

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11 11 2010
etchosera

Juicemio Koya Eddi!

Eto, weekend na naman… and a long Hajj holidays next week, huh? Tiyak, andami na namang poging pinoy backpackers looking for a place to hang out during the weekend.

I’m sure, punong puno na naman ang aking halfway house!

Etchosera at your service ang drama!

At times like these, cooking ang ina mo ng seafoods na hinahanap hanap ng ating mga kababayan na sawang sawa na sa broasted chicken!

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12 11 2010
Lola Nila

@sir_eddi: tru ka dyan. pag ako naglalakad d2 ang lahat napapalingon at muling napapalingon. tpos sundan ka pa ng lexus, mercedes benz, bmw, etc para makipag-kilala ang mga lalaking super gwapo na arabo….. 🙂

while sa Pinas…susundan ka ng kotse model ’93 para…..sagasaan…dhil salot daw ang bading! 😦

@echos: Ina ka pala ng laging saklolo. i ma sure tulo nman ang pawis mo sa pagluluto ng bulalo, bopis, sinigang na hipon at basa ang kili2 mo sa pag-serve ng pulutan habang si Pinoy Papa-razi ay todo emote sa pagkanta ng MY WAY sa iyong magic sing kara-oke!!! 😀

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13 11 2010
eddibumangon

@ Etchos & Lola Nila: you two enjoy the holiday, parang kahawig lang din ng sa inyo ang line up of activities namin: videoke (bawal ang my way), tumaan, kodakan, kainan, minsan punta sa tabing dagat, etc. Enjoy!

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10 11 2010
blueheart

nice PH..=)

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10 11 2010
theinkline

You never fail to amaze us with your witty posts 🙂

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11 11 2010
professionalheckler

🙂 thx.

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10 11 2010
manay_ichu

as usual funny talaga.

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11 11 2010
farah

rene almendras was my former boss, a very nice guy!

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11 11 2010
professionalheckler

but i hated him when he QUICKLY absolved FPIC without consulting independent experts first.

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11 11 2010
esa

Some of those I’ve asked have mixed feelings about Mr. Almendras’ ability. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. Bilangan na lang natin ng mga miss. Maybe next time he’d be careful. He thought just because the foreign experts gave a clean bill of health to FPIC, okay na talaga. Now, our Filipino experts from UP proved them wrong. UP Beloved!!!

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11 11 2010
Danique Dansk

For Mislang: Rule No. 3: In reality, ang pogi ay para lang sa maganda. Kung wala kang makita, baka hindi sila ang may problema. Baka ikaw.–Hahaha! I seww like this. Sapol ang nagmamagandang Mislang! ek..

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11 11 2010
Lola Nila

“It is difficult to face a problem, when the problem is your face!”…. to Mai Mislang 😀 😀 from your byutipol Lola Nila 🙂

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12 11 2010
esa

“It is difficult to face a problem, when the problem is your face!”….
I quoted this to my nieces and they couldn’t stop laughing.

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11 11 2010
sows

375 million pesos and they’re kickuing out the child hauz at pcso? what the heck?

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11 11 2010
sows

i mean, kicking out.

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11 11 2010
silly

di ba bawal ang frat/soro sa DLSU at Ateneo? Oh well, underground org nga pala sila. Lakas ng loob mag post sa newspapers ah!

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11 11 2010
hikatalomato

@ chihuahua

may formula kasing ginagamit si bill klingon kaya napapanatili niya kanyang kasiglahan at kagwapohan. i’m sure ganito ring formula ginagamit ni mang dolphy at eddie “manoy” garcia:

gawing nating example si senior60:

sabihin natin ang edad ni senior ngayon ay 60
at edad ng kanyang tsiks ay 18

if we add 60 + 18, we get the sum of 78
now let’s divide 78 by 2 (dahil isa lang kanyang tsiks. pag meron pang another tsiks, get the sum of their age, then divide it by 3… and so on)

78 / 2 = 39

so senior60 should be feeling like a 39-year old right now… kung inaapply nya ang formulang eto.

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11 11 2010
pihikan chronicles

ang witty mo. 😛

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12 11 2010
Lola Nila

kawawa nman yung babae edad 18 kung papatol sya si Senior60 dhil magiging 39 na siya…di bale, as long kayang bigyan ni Senior60 si babae ng condo, kotse, diamond, manolo blahnik, chanel 5, dolce and gabanna, herpes…ay hermes bag pla, bank account,…khit magiging 39 yung girl ay ok na… 😀

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11 11 2010
DEL

Victor Agustin is better than Daxim Lucas, haha. Kahit minsan, mali mali yung sinusulat, at least nirerectify niya sa sunod na labas. I think, dax has a connection with the First philippine Holdings, aka as lopez group

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11 11 2010
esa

Nice post Mr. PH. Congrats! Btw, yesterday, I was watching 24 Oras (my usual fare) and shifts for a while to Willing Willy (for curiousity only since Nov. 8) and TV Patrol. On 24 Oras, I noticed that there was a news report on Globe Asiatic – Pag-Ibig scam and Noli de Castro’s name was mentioned by the senators. On late newscast over TV5, there was also a mention of same news topic. I wonder how ABS-CBN dealt with this on their TV Patrol. Maria Ressa is really right on her being firm on not yet putting both Korina Sanchez and Noli de Castro on board their newscast. Their presence really compromises the news team… no matter how hard Ging Reyes and also Noli (heard him over DZMM (Vic Lima’s slot) last Monday expound on his being unbiased…yakk!) that their news will always be fair and unbiased.

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11 11 2010
professionalheckler

to be fair to ABS-CBN News, they interviewed noli de castro. but noli was unfair, di man lang sha nag-grant ng interview sa gma.

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11 11 2010
esa

So Noli was interviewed by ABS-CBN pala to air his side but Noli didn’t grant GMA an interview…On the surface, it would look that ABS-CBN was very professional to have Noli air his side. On the other hand, I think that serves their purpose, na punasan si Noli ng dumi (pwedeng sabihin they had to do it kasi anchor nabahiran). I really pity the ABS news team….it’s hard when you have to compromise. Ito namang si Noli, ratings game siguro dahilan why he didn’t grant GMA 7 an interview…tsk-tsk…na-compromise na naman talaga ang credibility ng ABS-CBN….
Thanks for the info Mr. PH.

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11 11 2010
Ma. Ressa

akin ang huling halakhak! Hak! Hak! Hak!

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11 11 2010
promdi

and that justifies gma7’s 24oras program plug: walang pulitika; walang kinikilingan; walang pinoprotektahan… (i’m no 100% fan of 7!) but in fairness to abs, it’s got no choice but to lean and protect… their own! dangan kasi, they elected shaded talents with high profile political drifts to do an expectedly objective and impartial newscast. that is incurring “irreconcilable differences!” ha ha! and it’s showing this early, de bah? hirap mag-watch trying to convince yourself to believe what noli and korina deliver each time, with some air of prejudice clouding over your head. tsk! tsk!

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12 11 2010
Lola Nila

wla naman tlagang credibility ang abs khit itanong mo pa sa pekeng bedyu ng solar eclipse sa southern mindanao… di ba CNN at yung ginawa ng ABS sa Wins Network ng Japan…di ba talo ang ABS sa kaso dhil sa panloloko nito…ulat ito sa PECABAR LAW OFFICE… philstar march 11, 2009 sa colum ni Joaquin Henson…

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12 11 2010
hikatalomato

di lang bias ang tv patrol, malimali pa. ginawa ba namang plane crush, ang plane crash. hahaha. ano bang klaseng news crew yan. di man lang nag spell check.

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11 11 2010
Patricia A R

Ikaw ba heckler ay walang pinapanigan?

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12 11 2010
maxlip

syempre meron… panig sa katotohanan, panig sa bayan. hehe

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11 11 2010
@flo

this post made my day!hahaha….keep it coming PH!

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11 11 2010
brunix0114

Kabayan on TVP: “assfall” for ashfall… inulit-ulit lang.

😛

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11 11 2010
senior60

ano ka ba naman mister heckler, gusto mo ma sesante si max?

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11 11 2010
promdi

PPnoy unable to watch Shalani: No way to switch channel to catch the tail-end of willing-willie, becoz after the “Tom & Jerry” show comes Scooby-doo.!!

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11 11 2010
pihikan chronicles

nababalita’y marami syang chicks na dinedate….

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12 11 2010
meemee

Yeah,chicks….na napapalaki within 45 days.

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13 11 2010
eddibumangon

yeah marami nga, para ma-update siya sa balitang showbiz at fashion. nagcocompare notes din sila on how to put on make-up.

Like

11 11 2010
etchosera

Di na ako magtataka kung sing man ng “praise release” about ABS-CBN ratings ang Kantar TNS. Ika nga eh, trabaho lang, walang personalan. Bayad sila to do just that.

Magtataka ako kung naniniwala naman ang mga utaw sa praise release na yan!

Juicemio! Dito na nga lang sa Midol Est, halos ipamigay na ang subscription ng TFC kasi wa na talaga silang makuhang subscriber. Punta ka sa mga Pinoy Restaurants dito, puro GMA Pinoy TV shows ang mapapanood mo… promise!

Itanong nyo pa kay Lola Nila!

… and by the way, di pa po ako bayad ng GMA sa plugging na yan, huh?

Bwahahahaha!

I personally don’t subscribe to these Pinoy channels here in the Kingdom, I just watch selected shows online.

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12 11 2010
Lola Nila

ay basta ako sa Indian channel lang nakaka-tutok kc habang nagpapatayan ang bida sa mga kalaban..bigla na lang silang sing and dance 😀 😀 kaloka!!!

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11 11 2010
kaye

Rule No. 3 rocks! In my opinion, that’s really what was wrong with Mai Mislang. It’s a case of a wannabe not looking at the mirror. hahaha!

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11 11 2010
BAROK

Nyahahaha!!!

Rule No. 3: In reality, ang pogi ay para lang sa maganda. Kung wala kang makita, baka hindi sila ang may problema. Baka ikaw.

Like

12 11 2010
Lola Nila

May problema pala tlaga si PNoy kc lahat ina-ayawan siya ng mga tsiks…tanong mo kay Barbara Milano, Bernadette Sembrano, Maricel Morales, Sol Shalani, Koring Sanchez….at Mommy D 🙂

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12 11 2010
pihikan chronicles

epekto ng pagyoyosi :p

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11 11 2010
senior60

ayan ka na naman mister heckler, again, gusto mo bang

ma sesante si noli katulad ni dax?

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11 11 2010
senior60

hahahahaha hikatalomato imbento ka ng formula ha…

halimbawa ako ang manalo sa lotto ngayon kahit hindi ako

tumataya, siempre siguro mga 4 ang kukunin kong chicks

na tag 18 kaya 60 + ( 18 x 4 ) = 132 divide by 5 = 26.4

hahaha ang sayasaya…

magiging kasing gwapo na kaya ako ni clinton?

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12 11 2010
Lola Nila

Yes!!! pagna-katalikod si Clinton!!!

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12 11 2010
promdi

ay lola nila, i have started loving you… for being sooo prolific… hahaha. keep it up…

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12 11 2010
hikatalomato

proven na yang formula ko senior. marami na akong kakilala na sinibukan, at umepek naman. ako na nalang yata di sumubok……bata pa kasi ako ☻☻☻.

pagsinubukan mo senior, i’m sure di kalang magiging kasing gwapo ni bill, kasing lakas at liksi kapa ni pakyaw….. huwag lang sanang bumaligtad

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11 11 2010
Centrino

Nice post PH. GBU!

Like

12 11 2010
senior60

naku hikatalomato, may kutob ako na , you are practising

what you are preaching, yang picture mo, noong kabataan

mo pa yan, aminin mo na….

pero ang sinabi ni lola nila hindi ko naintindihan, pag naka-

talikod daw si clinton, ano yun?

Like

15 11 2010
mang cruz

Para kay Mai: Wala pong Facebook sa Vietnam. Book lang. Walang Face.

Like

21 11 2010
makita

500 mil facebook users. if it is a coutry, it would be the third largest 🙂

Like

25 01 2011
FIGURES « The Professional Heckler | Pnoy Talks

[…] the original post: FIGURES « The Professional Heckler This entry was posted in Jokes, Shalani and tagged 2010-pihikan, barbara, bernadette, jokes, […]

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