The First 100 Days

AT A TOWN HALL EVENT held Thursday at La Consolacion College in Manila, President Aquino gave his report on his first 100 days in office. Just like what he did in his first SONA, the President began with the basics or ABCs – Arroyo Bashing Comments.

President Aquino compared the previous administration to the pictorial maxim of the three wise monkeys who “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.” Insulted allies of former President Arroyo vow to retaliate as soon as they get out of their cage.

The President lamented, “Malalim at malawak po ang mga problemang minana natin.” Someone in the audience was heard asking, “Ilang ektarya ba ang Hacienda Luisita?”

President Aquino also reported, “Naisaayos natin sa loob lamang ng isandaang araw ang hindi nagawa ng dating administrasyon sa loob ng tatlong libo, apat na raan, apatnapu’t walong (3,448) araw.” And former President Arroyo was like, “Oh yeah, you had eight Hong Kong nationals killed.”

The President also said, “Paulit-ulit po nating ididiin: trabaho ang pangunahing agenda ng ating administrasyon.” Now we know why Enrico Puno still has a job.

The Chief Executive also boasted, “Nagkakaisa nang muli ang ating lipunan.” Then everyone at the venue felt awkward when he added, “’Yan din dasal ko para sa aking gabinete.”

Citing recent progress in the weather bureau, President Aquino said, “Maling sistema at maling palakad ang nanligaw sa pagtataya ng panahon.” – to which Dr. Prisco Nilo said, “Can we just move on?”

In his report to the nation, President Aquino did not mention anything about jueteng, his controversial shooting buddy Enrico Puno, and the reported factions in the Cabinet. Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.

President Aquino likewise slammed people whom he described as, “mga kapit-tuko sa puwesto.” At home, monitoring the speech on TV, napalunok na lang ang pamilya Binay.

The Cabinet
When President Aquino delivered his report to the nation on his first 100 days, members of his official cabinet came in full force – amid the reported conflict between the Balay Group and the Samar Group. Other attendees said there was no tension whatsoever between the two factions. It was like AKRho and Tau Gamma in a truce.

The Q&A Portion
After his speech, the President held a town hall meeting with sectoral representatives. The Q&A portion went smoothly as planned. Practice makes perfect!

Some people said President Aquino’s town hall meeting on Thursday appeared to be scripted. In fact, did you hear about the “student-hecklers” from UP Manila? They read their protest slogans from the teleprompter.

Student leaders from UP Manila “interrupted’ President Aquino’s town hall meeting at La Consolacion College Thursday. The President managed to keep his cool though. But a tense moment still ensued when Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim suddenly appeared and yelled, “Posasan na rin ang mga ‘yan! Dalhin n’yo sa Tondo!”

When a group of student leaders interrupted his meeting with sectoral representatives, tv cameras caught President Aquino with a shocked stare. The only other time he wore the same expression was when Shalani Soledad told him, “We’re done!”

While President Aquino was talking about cures for the problems of the country, his sister Kris was tweeting about remedies for her FMD. Magkapatid nga sila!

The President’s Sister
Kris Aquino, the president’s youngest sister told the whole world via Twitter that she has foot and mouth disease. In less than 24 hours, the tweet has become viral.

Kris Aquino has FMD. Joey Marquez has denied responsibility for the viral infection.

Did you hear the news? President Aquino’s sister, Kris Aquino is sick. She has FMD. Nah, not ‘Fresh Meat Deficiency.’ It’s foot and mouth disease.

Actually, Kris Aquino has been tweeting about her FMD for almost a year now. Nahh, not FMD as in foot and mouth disease. It’s her other FMD: ‘First Marriage in Disarray.’

On her Twitter account, Kris Aquino said, “Rare daw for an adult to get hawa but u know me — lapitin ng sakit.” Dahil d’yan, may nagteexxxt: “Correction: ikaw ang lumalapit. – Sakit.”

According to a recent survey conducted by Social Weather Stations, 7 of 10 Filipinos were satisfied with President Aquino’s performance. The other three were monkeys.
“We believe that to err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.”
~Hubert Humphrey

Breaking News
Less than a week after the reported break up of President Aquino and Valenzuela City Councilor Shalani Soledad, people are now talking about the President’s new apple of the eye. According to dzRH news anchors Deo Macalma and Ruth Abao, the new girl is a junior reporter of TV5. She’s a former child actress and former UP court side reporter in the UAAP. My gulay! She’s too young! May plano ba ang Pangulo na palitan sa trono si Mang Dolphy? The reporter’s name? Patricia Ann Roque.

Reacting to the rumor,Trish tweeted The Professional Heckler. She said
“Huwaaat?! No! I don’t get to talk to PNoy naman eh. Wow, where did that come from?! The last time na na-cover ko sya was his first weekend as president. Yun na yun. Lord, why me?! Hahahaha!”

This just in: Palace insiders denied rumors that President Aquino’s all-time favorite movie is Daddy’s Angel (starring Patricia Ann Roque and ex-basketeer Jayvee Gayoso). Who’s your daddy Patricia? Who’s your daddy! 🙂 Good luck! 🙂

Survey Says…
Prangkahan na. Ano ka:
– Pro-choice. Pass the Reproductive Health Bill! Now na! 88.77%
– Pro-life. No to Reproductive Health Bill! Never! 9.77%
– Hindi ko alam ang isyu. 1.46%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

ABS-CBN News (Lynda Jumilla): PNoy’s 1st 100 days marked by factionalism

GMA News: No time for dates: PNoy’s 1st 100 days show unique style

Earth Times.Org: Aquino on track despite missteps in first 100 days

Newsbreak: ‘Honorable candidate’ left his girl again?

Postscript: See photo of the three monkeys above. Nagkataon lang pong kahawig ng dating pangulo ‘yong third monkey. Hindi po sinadya ‘yon.

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

80 thoughts on “The First 100 Days”

  1. FMD! on Kris, et al?! didn’t know the ill could settle on homo sapiens. ‘kala ko sa cattle lang at kalabaw yun?! panahon nga naman ngayon… who knows, baka ang mga aso’t baboy naman ang magka-dengue! nothing is impossible nowadays… especially on kris and brod noynoy!


  2. hey, ph… this blog is way up ahead the rest of tonight’s tv newscasts. binabalita pa lang nila, dinisect-disect mo nang gaya ng palakang specimen. nagmukha tuloy luma yung mga tv reports. he he he. if this is not prompt, don’t know what is! my hats off! clap! clap! clap!


  3. “Following the straight path is no joke. All of you involved in wrong governance and have caused troubles to the people, I guarantee you, your days are numbered.” -Pnoy

    Well dummy, in case you haven’t notice, most of these politicians are in Congress and are your party-mates in the LP at present. 🙂


  4. LOL, heckler! ang tagal kong absent, had to back read a number of posts. i thought the speech was a bit ho-hum. parang minadali. misplaced and a tad too long din yung whining and griping sa dulo. because the writers put it in the end, yun ang naaalala ng tao at nakakalimutan the “acomplishments” rattled off earlier. oh well…

    and thanks for the link. have a great weekend!


  5. ABC – Arroyo Bashing Comments. Hahaha panalo!

    Nakakainis na si PNoy. Laging sinisisi ang previous admin. Sa pagkakaalam ko, namana lang din naman ng Arroyo admin ang bagsak nating ekonomiya mula sa admin ni Erap… Pero narinig ba natin si Gloria na sinisisi nya yung admin ni Erap dahil binagsak nya ang ekonomiya ng Pinas? Napaka-SHOWBIZ lang talaga. Tsk tsk.

    At grabe naman tong si Kris! Pati ba naman yung mga gamot na iniinom nila, itweet pa? Sabagay, yung STD nga, hindi siya nahiya na iannounce sa mundo thru TV eh, yung FMD pa kaya?


    1. Security risk din si Kris. Nightmare siguro sa mga PSG ang ilang tweets niya.

      On Tuesday 5th October 2010, @itsmekrisaquino said:
      Traveling at 5:30 AM to attend Mass in Dagupan Cathedral in Pangasinan w/ my sisters. Our dear friend, Archbishop Soc’s 1st anniversary. Good road trip so that my sisters & I can bond. Good night.


      1. The shortest distance from one point to another is a straight line. The path that separates GMA’s corrupt government and Noynoy’s incompetent administration is a straight line. There’s not much of a difference. Noynoy is GMA with a balding head, minus the nunal.


  6. Correction lang po. Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease (HFMD) po ang sakit ni Kris at ng mga anak niya. Ito yung sakit na nakukuha ng mga tao lalo ng mga bata. Iba po yung Foot and Mouth Disease (FMD). Yung FMD po ay sakit na nakukuha ng mga hayop na tulad ng mga baka at baboy.


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