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The First 100 Days

7 10 2010


AT A TOWN HALL EVENT held Thursday at La Consolacion College in Manila, President Aquino gave his report on his first 100 days in office. Just like what he did in his first SONA, the President began with the basics or ABCs – Arroyo Bashing Comments.

Monkeys
President Aquino compared the previous administration to the pictorial maxim of the three wise monkeys who “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.” Insulted allies of former President Arroyo vow to retaliate as soon as they get out of their cage.

The President lamented, “Malalim at malawak po ang mga problemang minana natin.” Someone in the audience was heard asking, “Ilang ektarya ba ang Hacienda Luisita?”

President Aquino also reported, “Naisaayos natin sa loob lamang ng isandaang araw ang hindi nagawa ng dating administrasyon sa loob ng tatlong libo, apat na raan, apatnapu’t walong (3,448) araw.” And former President Arroyo was like, “Oh yeah, you had eight Hong Kong nationals killed.”


Developments
The President also said, “Paulit-ulit po nating ididiin: trabaho ang pangunahing agenda ng ating administrasyon.” Now we know why Enrico Puno still has a job.

The Chief Executive also boasted, “Nagkakaisa nang muli ang ating lipunan.” Then everyone at the venue felt awkward when he added, “’Yan din dasal ko para sa aking gabinete.”

Citing recent progress in the weather bureau, President Aquino said, “Maling sistema at maling palakad ang nanligaw sa pagtataya ng panahon.” – to which Dr. Prisco Nilo said, “Can we just move on?”

In his report to the nation, President Aquino did not mention anything about jueteng, his controversial shooting buddy Enrico Puno, and the reported factions in the Cabinet. Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.

President Aquino likewise slammed people whom he described as, “mga kapit-tuko sa puwesto.” At home, monitoring the speech on TV, napalunok na lang ang pamilya Binay.


The Cabinet
When President Aquino delivered his report to the nation on his first 100 days, members of his official cabinet came in full force – amid the reported conflict between the Balay Group and the Samar Group. Other attendees said there was no tension whatsoever between the two factions. It was like AKRho and Tau Gamma in a truce.

The Q&A Portion
After his speech, the President held a town hall meeting with sectoral representatives. The Q&A portion went smoothly as planned. Practice makes perfect!

Some people said President Aquino’s town hall meeting on Thursday appeared to be scripted. In fact, did you hear about the “student-hecklers” from UP Manila? They read their protest slogans from the teleprompter.


Student leaders from UP Manila “interrupted’ President Aquino’s town hall meeting at La Consolacion College Thursday. The President managed to keep his cool though. But a tense moment still ensued when Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim suddenly appeared and yelled, “Posasan na rin ang mga ‘yan! Dalhin n’yo sa Tondo!”

When a group of student leaders interrupted his meeting with sectoral representatives, tv cameras caught President Aquino with a shocked stare. The only other time he wore the same expression was when Shalani Soledad told him, “We’re done!”

While President Aquino was talking about cures for the problems of the country, his sister Kris was tweeting about remedies for her FMD. Magkapatid nga sila!

The President’s Sister
Kris Aquino, the president’s youngest sister told the whole world via Twitter that she has foot and mouth disease. In less than 24 hours, the tweet has become viral.

Kris Aquino has FMD. Joey Marquez has denied responsibility for the viral infection.

Did you hear the news? President Aquino’s sister, Kris Aquino is sick. She has FMD. Nah, not ‘Fresh Meat Deficiency.’ It’s foot and mouth disease.

Actually, Kris Aquino has been tweeting about her FMD for almost a year now. Nahh, not FMD as in foot and mouth disease. It’s her other FMD: ‘First Marriage in Disarray.’

On her Twitter account, Kris Aquino said, “Rare daw for an adult to get hawa but u know me — lapitin ng sakit.” Dahil d’yan, may nagteexxxt: “Correction: ikaw ang lumalapit. – Sakit.”

Satisfied?
According to a recent survey conducted by Social Weather Stations, 7 of 10 Filipinos were satisfied with President Aquino’s performance. The other three were monkeys.
——————-
“We believe that to err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.”
~Hubert Humphrey

Breaking News
Less than a week after the reported break up of President Aquino and Valenzuela City Councilor Shalani Soledad, people are now talking about the President’s new apple of the eye. According to dzRH news anchors Deo Macalma and Ruth Abao, the new girl is a junior reporter of TV5. She’s a former child actress and former UP court side reporter in the UAAP. My gulay! She’s too young! May plano ba ang Pangulo na palitan sa trono si Mang Dolphy? The reporter’s name? Patricia Ann Roque.

Reacting to the rumor,Trish tweeted The Professional Heckler. She said
“Huwaaat?! No! I don’t get to talk to PNoy naman eh. Wow, where did that come from?! The last time na na-cover ko sya was his first weekend as president. Yun na yun. Lord, why me?! Hahahaha!”

This just in: Palace insiders denied rumors that President Aquino’s all-time favorite movie is Daddy’s Angel (starring Patricia Ann Roque and ex-basketeer Jayvee Gayoso). Who’s your daddy Patricia? Who’s your daddy! 🙂 Good luck! 🙂

Survey Says…
Prangkahan na. Ano ka:
– Pro-choice. Pass the Reproductive Health Bill! Now na! 88.77%
– Pro-life. No to Reproductive Health Bill! Never! 9.77%
– Hindi ko alam ang isyu. 1.46%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
ABS-CBN News (Lynda Jumilla): PNoy’s 1st 100 days marked by factionalism

GMA News: No time for dates: PNoy’s 1st 100 days show unique style

Earth Times.Org: Aquino on track despite missteps in first 100 days

Newsbreak: ‘Honorable candidate’ left his girl again?

Postscript: See photo of the three monkeys above. Nagkataon lang pong kahawig ng dating pangulo ‘yong third monkey. Hindi po sinadya ‘yon.

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80 responses

7 10 2010
randulf

1st! hehehe fresh meat deficiency!

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8 10 2010
darkcheron

Ah! Akala ko naman kasi yung FMD nya ay foot-in-mouth disease!

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9 10 2010
anon

u mean fresh man deficiency

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7 10 2010
promdi

FMD! on Kris, et al?! didn’t know the ill could settle on homo sapiens. ‘kala ko sa cattle lang at kalabaw yun?! panahon nga naman ngayon… who knows, baka ang mga aso’t baboy naman ang magka-dengue! nothing is impossible nowadays… especially on kris and brod noynoy!

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7 10 2010
cleopatra

Sapul on all counts 🙂

I also loved that bit “correction: ikaw ang lumalapit.- sakit”

Looking forward to the next post! Your blog is one of the few things that can make me laugh–no matter how tired I am. 🙂

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8 10 2010
professionalheckler

🙂

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7 10 2010
promdi

gosh! di ko sinadayng mag-first honor dine! me award ba, ph? he he.

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8 10 2010
brunix

First here! How boba of Krissy na ipagkalat sa buong mundo na may FMD siya at ang mga anak niya!

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10 10 2010
nokrisfan

kris is not boba…… she only gets insecure if she’s not being talked about in the tabloids (some come in broadsheet format though). masisira ang ulo niya pag di pinansin. subokan mong dedmahin sa mall if you cross her path… magdadabog o magtitili yun!

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8 10 2010
dana grace

waiting for this since narinig ko ung tungkol sa assembly. nakakatawa, I’m still not amazed with his accomplishments though, but i’m amazed at your writing skills prof!

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8 10 2010
promdi

hey, ph… this blog is way up ahead the rest of tonight’s tv newscasts. binabalita pa lang nila, dinisect-disect mo nang gaya ng palakang specimen. nagmukha tuloy luma yung mga tv reports. he he he. if this is not prompt, don’t know what is! my hats off! clap! clap! clap!

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8 10 2010
lisa

sino po yung “honorable candidate” na tinutukuy sa newsbreak?

and diba dapat told “him” and not “her”

The only other time he wore the same expression was when Shalani Soledad told her, “We’re done!”

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8 10 2010
professionalheckler

THANKS. sorry.:-)

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8 10 2010
eddibumangon

Freudian slip Mr. PH? 🙂

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8 10 2010
paykuli

sana abutin ung bilang ng nagkomento sa last entry…masarap magbasa eh…na-i-educate ako…hehehe..i can not indulge myself in the discussions…i don’t have the talent and eloquence that a lot of people here possesses…bira na mga kampon ni PH!!!!!

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8 10 2010
Rico Mambo

….. Media friendly admin kaya pogi. tapos na honeymoon. Tingnan natin..

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8 10 2010
katotohanan

Nice one!

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8 10 2010
eddibumangon

“In his report to the nation, President Aquino did not mention anything about jueteng, his controversial shooting buddy Enrico Puno, and the reported factions in the Cabinet. Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.”

LOL. Runaway winner ito. 😉

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8 10 2010
senior60

kakatapos ko lang magbasa ng kabuuang report ni noynoy,

nag-uumapaw na kadatungan at trabahong nagbabadya kaya,

pwede ng ibasura ni noynoy ang rh bill, kaawaawa naman ang

mga bata sana, they too, deserve to live and see the beauty

of God’s creation….

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8 10 2010
khanto

ang cool….. up to date ang post na ito. swak sa balita kahapon.

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8 10 2010
akoangnauna?

to quote PH: 2016, are we there yet?

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8 10 2010
dabawenya!

ayos!

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8 10 2010
:)

Ugh. President Aquino should get his act together. I dont wanna hear any finger-pointing for the next six years. 😐 Parang hello, get over na. Bitter ka pa rin, teh? Eh kung mag-isip ka nalang kaya ng more solutions para magawan ng paraan yung past mistakes.

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8 10 2010
YellowIsHepa

Masanay ka na, you will hear more of his ABCs(Arroyo Bashing Comments) for the next 6 years or so.

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8 10 2010
eddibumangon

The same way that his mother blamed the quo d’etat and Marcos for the failures of her mismanaged, corrupt-ridden, and kamaganak inc government.

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9 10 2010
etchosera

Susmaryolopezquezon! Di na talaga kayo nasanay!

Ganyan po lagi ang gobyerno ng Pinas, pag-upo ng bagong pangulo, eh lahat ng kabulastugan sa sistema sa gobyerno ay siyempre, sa dating administrasyon ibubunton ang sisi.

Magtaka kayo kung si Osama Bin Laden ang sisihin ni Pnoy! Hmmmp!

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8 10 2010
derdo

This was a fun post to read. galing galing!

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8 10 2010
derdo

My mind isn’t working – who was the girl he dumped an election season ago, whose dad was a businessman? Clue naman. I didn’t hear of that one…

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8 10 2010
sgporeboy

Halata namang planted ang mga tanong eh at anh mga personalities na nilagay nila, kinabog pa nila si Gloria & his 3 Payatas boys. May informal settler pang kasama ha sa town hall meeting. Ika nga ni Aling Dionisia — Bungga!

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8 10 2010
checkmate

nyahaha kulet ng si kris ung lumalapit sa sakit ^^

astig ka talaga sir ph, pati ung picture pasok na pasok ^^

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8 10 2010
Poppy Fields

Hindi ba si Condoleezza Rice yung third monkey?

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9 10 2010
eufems

Siya nga ata yun. Kasama si Colin Powell at George W. Bush 🙂
Adeek talaga yung post…

Like

8 10 2010
kalokah

omg! si trish?!!!

Like

8 10 2010
Tweets that mention The First 100 Days « The Professional Heckler -- Topsy.com

[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Yolynne Medina, donald delgado. donald delgado said: https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/2010/10/07/the-first-100-days/ […]

Like

8 10 2010
achu

hahaha! Super funny to! 😀

Like

8 10 2010
senior60

if i am not mistaken, patricia is a product of eat bulaga’s

talent search, little miss philippines….

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9 10 2010
Lola Nila

sabi ko na nga ba, may lahing pido itong pamilya ni PNoy… kita mo nman kay Kris… 😀

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8 10 2010
reviewer22

another reporter linked to PNOY. How many first ladies are allowed for a President? 🙂

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8 10 2010
eddibumangon

“Following the straight path is no joke. All of you involved in wrong governance and have caused troubles to the people, I guarantee you, your days are numbered.” -Pnoy

Well dummy, in case you haven’t notice, most of these politicians are in Congress and are your party-mates in the LP at present. 🙂

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9 10 2010
Noynoy

Dummy ha… at least ako presidente! Ikaw, walang ginawa sa buhay kundi mag comment sa PH blog…get a life!

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9 10 2010
eddibumangon

Akala mo lang presidente ka, pero hindi…hindi…hindi! You are nothing but a second rate trying hard PUPPET! Dangling on the strings and swaying to balay,samar, and whatever directions.

Like

11 10 2010
Lawrence_Patola

Ang lakas ng shock at trauma na tumama dito kay Eddi sa pagkapanalo ni Noynoy. In denial pa rin hanggang ngayon! 🙂

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8 10 2010
Chico

yung tatlong-matsing, kamukha rin ni lagman yung sa gitna. puti na kasi ang buhok. hahaha…

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8 10 2010
Jane

So witty. Ang kuleeeet!!!

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8 10 2010
batang buotan

Parang kilala ko ang tatlong matsing! Nyahahahaha.. Ayos!

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9 10 2010
Noynoy

3 monkeys…Dick Cheney, Former US President George W Bush and Condaleeza Rice…

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8 10 2010
anon

when someone actually sees p-noy with a real girlfriend let me know. i will be amazed. all this sham and pretence makes u wonder who he bats for.

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9 10 2010
eddibumangon

Now that they cannot contain the news of the breakup with the former GF, they have to create another mythical GF just to keep up with the charade, even if they have to use another innocent victim in the process.

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10 10 2010
promdi

sinabi mo rising edi… kita mo naman react ni little patricia…”why me?” hahaha! huwag na kasi yang girlfriend-girlfriend na yan. N/A yan, as in not applicable… di tayo kikita dyan. he he.

Like

9 10 2010
Lynda Jumilla

LOL, heckler! ang tagal kong absent, had to back read a number of posts. i thought the speech was a bit ho-hum. parang minadali. misplaced and a tad too long din yung whining and griping sa dulo. because the writers put it in the end, yun ang naaalala ng tao at nakakalimutan the “acomplishments” rattled off earlier. oh well…

and thanks for the link. have a great weekend!

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12 10 2010
Paul

Something as staple as a simple speech, this government it seems, cannot get it right. Frightening indication of what lies ahead.

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9 10 2010
Baidu

Si Kris talaga di papadaig kay koya PNOY.

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9 10 2010
Dan Brown

yung mga high blood na mga nag comment sa last post? ano kayo ngayon? pag may new post na, limot na din mga post nyo. kung makapag comment kayo parang kaya nyo mag wage ng holy war. ang tatapang nyo.

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9 10 2010
etchosera

Bwahahahahahaha!

Ayyyyy! Tama po ba ang reaction ko?

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9 10 2010
Dan Yellow

Syempre matapang dahil nasa harap lang ng pyuter.

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11 10 2010
esa

Natawa naman ako sa username mo…Dan Yellow in reply to Dan Brown. Ask ko, Cory yellow ka ba?

@echosera, natuwa rin ako sa reaction mo. 🙂

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12 10 2010
Dan Yellow

@esa: Nope, i’m not pro-Cory.

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9 10 2010
eddibumangon

And your point is? Who appointed you to be the Laguardia of this site? You can always scroll down fast if you don’t like to read the comments, you know. Dali, check nyo blood pressure nyo baka tumaas dahil sa sagot ko.

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11 10 2010
Ricky Brown

hindi naman nakakataas ng blood pressure mga comments mo. Nakakatawa pa nga eh..

Like

10 10 2010
Noynoy

Yup, exactly…ganyang ganyan si Eddibumangon…kala mo may nagagawa ang kada-dakdak nya! Eddi is such a LOSER!!

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11 10 2010
Quick Brown Fox

mukhang may tinamaan dun sa comment ni Dan Brown. Masakit ba?

Like

11 10 2010
Quick Brown Fox

mukhang may tinamaan sa comment. may bukol ba?

Like

9 10 2010
napadaan lang

ABC – Arroyo Bashing Comments. Hahaha panalo!

Nakakainis na si PNoy. Laging sinisisi ang previous admin. Sa pagkakaalam ko, namana lang din naman ng Arroyo admin ang bagsak nating ekonomiya mula sa admin ni Erap… Pero narinig ba natin si Gloria na sinisisi nya yung admin ni Erap dahil binagsak nya ang ekonomiya ng Pinas? Napaka-SHOWBIZ lang talaga. Tsk tsk.

At grabe naman tong si Kris! Pati ba naman yung mga gamot na iniinom nila, itweet pa? Sabagay, yung STD nga, hindi siya nahiya na iannounce sa mundo thru TV eh, yung FMD pa kaya?

Like

11 10 2010
esa

Security risk din si Kris. Nightmare siguro sa mga PSG ang ilang tweets niya.

Example:
On Tuesday 5th October 2010, @itsmekrisaquino said:
Traveling at 5:30 AM to attend Mass in Dagupan Cathedral in Pangasinan w/ my sisters. Our dear friend, Archbishop Soc’s 1st anniversary. Good road trip so that my sisters & I can bond. Good night.

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10 10 2010
Pnoy's sub

Shalani, andito lang ako…

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10 10 2010
projectkino

Haha. astig ka talaga PH. Anyway, may nakita ako, report card naman sa 100 days ni Noynoy. Sobra sya. Here’s the link:
http://projectkino.wordpress.com/2010/10/10/the-first-100-day-noynoy-administrations-report-card/

Like

11 10 2010
Paul

It should be double zero in all subjects, Ang tuwid nadaan ay pala walang laman

Like

11 10 2010
eddibumangon

The shortest distance from one point to another is a straight line. The path that separates GMA’s corrupt government and Noynoy’s incompetent administration is a straight line. There’s not much of a difference. Noynoy is GMA with a balding head, minus the nunal.

Like

11 10 2010
hector

super galing nga to! one of those PH GEMS! TOWN HALL MEETING! ABC! puede rin PTA meeting di ba, sen joker?

ang saya-saya dito. pinoy nga. lulubog na barko tawanan pa rin.

Like

12 10 2010
esa

Masaya nga rito talaga…whether lulubog-lilitaw ang issues. But dasal ko huwag naman lulubog na talaga ang barko ni Noynoy…kawawa naman ang Pilipinas.

Like

11 10 2010
hector

about the 3 wise monkeys naman, magulat kaya ang yellow crowd o matuwa dahil nakadilaw na rin pala tong mga unggoy. “wat?, wat u tink of us?”

Like

11 10 2010
Jan

Correction lang po. Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease (HFMD) po ang sakit ni Kris at ng mga anak niya. Ito yung sakit na nakukuha ng mga tao lalo ng mga bata. Iba po yung Foot and Mouth Disease (FMD). Yung FMD po ay sakit na nakukuha ng mga hayop na tulad ng mga baka at baboy.

Like

11 10 2010
professionalheckler

i know it was HFMD. but i just quoted her tweet.

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11 10 2010
Dan Yellow

So kris pala ang dapat i-correct. ika nga ni etchos, pambansang katatawanan.

Like

12 10 2010
esa

Yes, it was Kris who tweeted that she and kids have caught the FMD. Maybe her doctors are not that magaling? FMD siguro sinabi sa kanya initially instead of HFMD.

Like

12 10 2010
Jan Brown

sabi ni Jan nakukuha sa baboy? ah eh FMD nga. diba si Joshua unang nagkasakit?

Like

12 10 2010
kuya cesar

tagal ng update ah

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12 10 2010
marsheemarsh

“Correction: ikaw ang lumalapit. – Sakit.”

hahahahaha

Like

19 10 2010
rhadem morados

why am i not surprise.. ganyan na talaga si Pnoy

Like

22 01 2011
The First 100 Days « The Professional Heckler | Pnoy Talks

[…] original here: The First 100 Days « The Professional Heckler This entry was posted in 100 Days and tagged congress, party, people, the-people, […]

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