DENIALS

BREAKING NEWS: Charo Santos has canceled her plan to feature the life story of DILG Undersecretary Enrico Puno on the next episode of “Maalaala Mo Kaya.” The creative team is having a hard time drafting the script because, apparently, walang maalaala si Usec Puno.


The Senate Hearing
In Tuesday’s Senate hearing, DILG Undersecretary Enrico Puno failed to identify the jueteng emissaries (some of whom were even his “friends”) who approached him saying he couldn’t remember any of their names. For the next hearing, the Senate plans to invite a doctor to determine if jueteng can cause amnesia.

Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz named DILG Undersecretary Enrico Puno as one of the “ultimate recipients” of jueteng payola, allegedly receiving as much as 8 million pesos a month. Sought for comment, Puno said he couldn’t remember if he got 8 million pesos or less, or if he even got any.

Amid calls for his resignation, Undersecretary Puno told reporters, “Wala pa naman akong ginagawang mali.” Well, wala ka pa ring ginagawang tama!

For those who missed Tuesday’s Senate hearing, here are some excerpts:

Senator Enrile: Sinu-sino ang mga lumapit sa ‘yo na nagtangkang makipag-set ng appointment?
Usec Puno: In passing lang naman po ang pagbanggit nila. Pero wala pong direktang pag-uusap tungkol sa jueteng.
Senator Enrile: Kaya nga! Name names!
Usec Puno: Sa sobrang dami nga po, wala na akong maalala. Basta, sobrang dami nila.

Senator Legarda: Sabi mo kanina, friends mo sila. So dapat kilala mo. Gusto naming malaman, sinu-sino sila?
Usec Puno: Actually, friends ko lang po sila sa Facebook kaya hindi ko na maalala ang mga pangalan. Talaga pong napakarami nila.
Senator Enrile: Sinu-sinong jueteng operators ang nagpadala ng emisaryo sa ‘yo?
Usec Puno: Ang dami kasi nila. Wala na rin po akong maalala.
Senator Enrile: Nakakapikon ka na! Kung cross-examination ito, talo ka na. Ako, lawyer ako. Ikaw lawyer ka ba?
Usec Puno: Hindi po. Ako po’y isang farmer.
Senator Enrile: Okay. Sige. Ito na lang ang tanong ko: anu-anong mga halaman na ang naitanim mo?
Usec Puno: Naku, sobrang dami na po. Hindi ko na maalala.
Senator Legarda: Kahit isang uri ng halaman, hindi mo na matandaan?
Usec Puno: ‘Yon nga po eh. Napakarami po nila. Talagang ‘di ko na maalala.
Senator Enrile: Sabi mo sa ANC, very close ka sa ating Pangulo at ikaw ang hingahan niya ng problema. Ang tanong ko: bakit ‘di ka kasama ni Pangulong Aquino sa Amerika?
Usec Puno: Sino po ‘yon? ‘Di ko na siya maalala.
Senator Enrile: Usec Puno, I’m reminding you that you are under oath!
Usec Puno: Talaga po?? Sorry, ‘di ko naalala.
Session Suspended.
End of transcript.


More Revelations
According to Archbishop Cruz’ report on jueteng, DILG Undersecretary Rico Puno, former PNP Chief Jesus Versoza, and retired Senior Supt. Rey Cachuela were collectively known as the “Three Kings” – which was really ironic because they’re the ones who receive gifts.

Jueteng-free?
Pampanga Governor Lilia Pineda, wife of jueteng lord Bong Pineda claims there is no jueteng in her province. This woman has a future in comedy. To say that there’s no jueteng in Pampanga is like saying there’s no Mayon Volcano in Albay.


Pangasinan Governor Amado Espino Jr., Baguio City Mayor Mauricio Domogan, and Isabela Rep. Paul Dy who were also identified by Archbishop Cruz as jueteng operators all denied the allegation and insisted that there’s no jueteng in their respective areas. Oo na! Sige na! Maniniwala na kami. Hindi totoo ang jueteng. Gawa-gawa lamang ito. Kathang-isip. Isang ilusyon. Bunga ng malikot na imahinasyon! Kabalintunaan! Walang jueteng! Wala! O, masaya na kayo?

Tony Boy’s Request
Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz revealed that four days before the hearing, President Aquino’s second cousin, businessman Antonio “Tony Boy” Cojuangco told him to “go easy” on his jueteng exposé. The archbishop said he didn’t promise to accede to Cojuangco’s request. Instead, he advised Tony Boy to tell his partner Gretchen Barretto to “go easy” on Botox.

Postscript: Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz has denied rumors that before senators were given a copy of his report on jueteng, a copy was submitted first to the Chinese Embassy.


The IIRC Report
Malacañang did not release the full report of the Incident Investigation and Review Committee on the August 23 hostage crisis. But anyone who wants to have a copy of the complete report may personally go to Malacañang. Just present a Chinese passport.

The IIRC recommended the filing of charges against DILG undersecretary Enrico Puno for mishandling the August 23 hostage crisis. Sought for reaction, Puno said, “Hostage crisis? Kelan ‘yon?”


Did you see Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim’s outburst on TV? That was classic. Apparently, the mayor has learned a lot from his vice mayor.

Defending his deputy, Mayor Lim said, “Ang pakiusap ko lang ho, alisin n’yo na lang si Vice Mayor Isko Moreno sa idedemanda. Ako na lang ho ang idemanda n’yo.” Reacting to Lim’s statement, Moreno said, “Kapag nakulong siya, magpapakulong din ako. Magsama na lang kami sa oblo (loob).” At that moment, the blood pressure of Manila’s No. 1 councilor shot up due to excitement.

On Mayor Lim’s statement, Vice Mayor Isko Moreno said, “Kapag nakulong siya, magpapakulong din ako. Magsama na lang kami sa oblo (loob).” Dahil dyan, may nag-texxxxxt! “Akala ko ba ako lang?! Hmpf! – Kuya Germs.”

In a press conference Tuesday, a very emotional Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim contested the report of the IIRC that conducted an investigation into the August 23 hostage incident. But before members of the press could ask some questions, Lim excused himself and said, “Hindi pa kasi ako nagla-lunch.”
———————————-
“Gambling is the son of avarice and the father of despair.”
– French Proverb

Survey Says
Sa inyong palagay, matitigil kaya ang jueteng sa ilalim ng administrasyong Aquino?
– Oo naman. Political will lang ang kailangan. 15.59%
– Imposible! Sus, asa pa! 56.44%
– Legalize it na lang! 27.97%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

74 thoughts on “DENIALS”

  1. sa walang ma-ala2 si puno, eh. ano pa ba ang magagawa natin.. 😀 kya hirap si Lola Charing na igawa ito ng kwento sa ma-ala2 mo kaya…ba’t ndi na lang gawing magna cum laude si puno na naging dancer sa gaybar… dyan naman magaling si Lola Charing sa mga kwentong kutsero 😀

    Like

  2. oscar cruz’s accusations are all hearsay. sinisiraan na kagad nya yun tao pero wala pang ebidensya. anyone can do that. the only difference is he has somehow some command of the media kaya nagiging big deal. kawawa din yun mga naaaccuse kasi they have to defend themselves sa tsismis.

    Like

    1. Asus naman, hearsay kamo? Maling akala yan!

      Totoo sabi ni ph na to say there’s no jueteng in pampanga is like saying there’s no mayon volcano in albay.

      Ilang mga kamag-anak ko ang naging kubrador ng jueteng dun kaya hindi ako nananaginip kapag naribig kong buhay na buhay ang jueteng dun!

      Isa pa, Hindi ilalaglag ng mga kapampangan ang jueteng lord dun dahil takbuhan din nila si bong at lilia pineda kapag kelangan ng mga tao dun ng financial assistance.

      Like

    1. kaw ba naman ang magkamal ng PHP 8M a month, ewan ko lang kung di ka maging protective sa benefactors, este, sa friends mo.

      Too bad for Aquino III, ang source pala nga alingasaw eh right under his nose… or baka naman immuned na sya sa amoy ng shooting buddy nya kaya di nya namalayan…

      Like

  3. kahit sinong presidente…basta may puno..may problema tsk tsk tsk

    natawa ako dun sa may nag text…from kuya germs…boytoy nga pala nya si isko dati lol

    tigas ng mukha ni lilia pineda…wala daw jueteng sa pampanga? jueteng capital of the Philippines ang Pampanga noh!

    Isa pa yan si Espino….sinungaling amp!

    Like

  4. U had it agen PH! 1st sentence pa lang nwala na migraine ko. ang nakakatakot kay usec Puno bka bgla na lang maisip na nsa shooting range sya at itarget si Pnoy. kawawa nman si Shalani.
    PH proud ako to be a Kapampangan pero di ako proud sabihing talagang talamak jueteng sa Pampanga. Kung si usec Puno ngkaron ng alzheimer’s, bka ang prov’l moder namin ay lumabo mata. mas mahirap makakita ang nagbubulag-bulagan ksa sa talagang bulag at mahirap din makarinig ang nagbibingihan ksa sa talagang bingi.

    Like

  5. They’rrrrrrreeeeee bacccckkkk!!! Kamaganak Inc. are here to stay. 100 million pala ang campaign contribution ni Tonyboy. So 100 million divided by 8 million per month equals 12.5 months.
    Mga kababayan ko… pagbigyan na natin si Tonyboy… isang taon lang naman eh bawi na nya ang investment nya (yan ay kung di sya hihingi ng tubo).
    Senior 60, kahit murahin mo ako ngayon dahil ibinoto ko si PNoy eh payag na ako.
    Tama ka senior 60. Tama ka.

    Like

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