The New PNP Chief
Earlier this week, President Aquino appointed Deputy Director General Raul Bacalzo as the new chief of the Philippine National Police. Sought for reaction after his appointment, Bacalzo said, “Grabe! Para akong tumama sa jueteng!”
Newly-appointed PNP chief Deputy Director General Raul Bacalzo said “I’m ordering my regional and district directors to eradicate jueteng and all forms of illegal gambling,” – to which the regional and district directors said, “Sir, saan n’yo kami gustong magsimula? Sa puno?”
Rumors say the jueteng allegation has been taking its toll on Undersecretary Rico Puno. Of late, he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t eat, and he couldn’t resist TV and radio guestings.
Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno denied allegations he was on the take from jueteng operators… but few people believed him. That’s one of the perils of being a Puno in government.
Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno has reportedly offered to step down. As of press time though, he’s still there. If he doesn’t resign in 11 days, President Aquino will take the cudgels for him.
ABS-CBN’s informant revealed that Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno is one of two high-ranking government officials who allegedly receive monthly jueteng payola. ABS-CBN has declined to identify its informant… out of respect for Archbishop Cruz’ request to remain anonymous.
Top 5 Movie Remakes Starring Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno
No. 4: Kung Fu Pineda
No. 3: Jueteng to Exhale
No. 2: Look Who’s Taking!
And the No. 1 movie remake starring Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno…
The Senate Probe
Senators are set to conduct a fresh investigation into the jueteng controversy. If nothing comes out of the probe, they’ll invite TV news executives and blame them for reporting about jueteng.
News Execs Grilled
Last Tuesday, senators grilled television news executives and a couple of radio news anchors in connection with the bungled hostage rescue. ABS-CBN’s Maria Ressa tried to explain their side. GMA 7’s Jessica Soho tried to defend their action. RMN’s Michael Rogas tried to negotiate.
GMA News executive Jessica Soho admitted that after the August 23 hostage crisis, she and ABS-CBN news chief Maria Ressa became textmates. In fairness though, Ressa also tried to text TV5 news head Luchi Cruz-Valdez about the incident but she got disappointed when Luchi replied, “Hu u?”
Q: What has three heads, six legs and gives conflicting statements?
A: The Presidential Communications Group
Q: What has six legs, four eyes, and goes Ngoorkkzz?
A: A drunk executive secretary slumped on a chair
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”
– Kin Hubbard
Dapat bang pangalanan ni Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz ang high ranking officials na umano’y tumatanggap ng jueteng payola?
– OO! Now na! 84.23%
– HINDI! Trabaho ng DILG ‘yan! 5.18%
– Bahala s’ya. It’s up to him. 10.59%
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