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GRILLED

17 09 2010

The New PNP Chief
Earlier this week, President Aquino appointed Deputy Director General Raul Bacalzo as the new chief of the Philippine National Police. Sought for reaction after his appointment, Bacalzo said, “Grabe! Para akong tumama sa jueteng!”

Newly-appointed PNP chief Deputy Director General Raul Bacalzo said “I’m ordering my regional and district directors to eradicate jueteng and all forms of illegal gambling,” – to which the regional and district directors said, “Sir, saan n’yo kami gustong magsimula? Sa puno?”

The Undersecretary
Rumors say the jueteng allegation has been taking its toll on Undersecretary Rico Puno. Of late, he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t eat, and he couldn’t resist TV and radio guestings.

Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno denied allegations he was on the take from jueteng operators… but few people believed him. That’s one of the perils of being a Puno in government.

Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno has reportedly offered to step down. As of press time though, he’s still there. If he doesn’t resign in 11 days, President Aquino will take the cudgels for him.

ABS-CBN’s informant revealed that Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno is one of two high-ranking government officials who allegedly receive monthly jueteng payola. ABS-CBN has declined to identify its informant… out of respect for Archbishop Cruz’ request to remain anonymous.

Top 5 Movie Remakes Starring Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno

No. 5: Close Encounters of the Emissary Kind

No. 4: Kung Fu Pineda

No. 3: Jueteng to Exhale

No. 2: Look Who’s Taking!

And the No. 1 movie remake starring Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno…

Y Tu Mamá Tumbok ng otsenta, sahod ng beinte

The Senate Probe
Senators are set to conduct a fresh investigation into the jueteng controversy. If nothing comes out of the probe, they’ll invite TV news executives and blame them for reporting about jueteng.

News Execs Grilled
Last Tuesday, senators grilled television news executives and a couple of radio news anchors in connection with the bungled hostage rescue. ABS-CBN’s Maria Ressa tried to explain their side. GMA 7’s Jessica Soho tried to defend their action. RMN’s Michael Rogas tried to negotiate.

GMA News executive Jessica Soho admitted that after the August 23 hostage crisis, she and ABS-CBN news chief Maria Ressa became textmates. In fairness though, Ressa also tried to text TV5 news head Luchi Cruz-Valdez about the incident but she got disappointed when Luchi replied, “Hu u?”

Light Bites
Q: What has three heads, six legs and gives conflicting statements?
A: The Presidential Communications Group

Q: What has six legs, four eyes, and goes Ngoorkkzz?
A: A drunk executive secretary slumped on a chair
——————————-
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”
– Kin Hubbard

Survey Says
Dapat bang pangalanan ni Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz ang high ranking officials na umano’y tumatanggap ng jueteng payola?
– OO! Now na! 84.23%
– HINDI! Trabaho ng DILG ‘yan! 5.18%
– Bahala s’ya. It’s up to him. 10.59%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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46 responses

17 09 2010
juan tamad

panahon pa ng kastila ang jueteng. pag natigil ni pnoy yan bibigay ko buhok ko sa kanya.

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17 09 2010
Lola Nila

echosera itong si bacalzo. mauna pa itong mawala kaysa jueteng na iyan!!!

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17 09 2010
miketest

as i said before bunutin kasi ang puno..hehee..

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17 09 2010
dabawenya!

aba first ako? wala lang… ;p

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17 09 2010
kuya cesar

nauna ba ko?

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22 09 2010
eddibumangon

hindi! mabagal ka kasing magsalita…este mag-type pala. 🙂

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17 09 2010
Bernie

Love the Top 5 Movie Remakes

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17 09 2010
timpaul

First be or just among?

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17 09 2010
edong_makabayan

anak ng jueteng!!!!….ako ang una….keep on giving us hilarious morning…and smiling day.

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17 09 2010
thepiaya

Jueteng to Exhale….. winner!

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17 09 2010
amateur heckler

i don’t get it. when news execs/mediamen were questioned about the hostage taking incident they said nobody from the government told them to stop airing their coverage and that had government authorities told them, they would have obliged. when it was suggested that perhaps it was time to review media’s franchise and impose restrictions on broadcast (or print) of events such as the recent tragic incident, the same newsmen/media executives now claim that this is a curtailment of their freedom and insist on ‘self-regulation’. did they ‘self-regulate’ when the crisis was happening? can they assure the public that NPC can regulate its members? have they imposed sanctions or at the very least issued a statement admitting ethical lapses in the pursuit of their freedom to inform the public?

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17 09 2010
miketest

tol iba na journalists ngayon..mas makapangyarihan sila otoridad..tsaka iba narin style ng pagbabalita ngayon,,puro tabloid style na..walang makakapigil sa media,,king maker sila e..

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17 09 2010
mbw

Y Tu Mamá Tumbok ng otsenta, sahod ng beinte—-hahahahahaha!!! Yariiiiii!!!

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17 09 2010
baidu

Thanks PH!

Mga anak ng Jueteng sila.. HAHAHAHA!

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17 09 2010
jaypee

excuse me po!! akala ko si mike enriquez yung nasa picture, si bacalzo pala:)

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17 09 2010
ilassoedthemoon

FYI:

DILG Usec. Puno went to our station for an interview. guess what we discovered…

Siya pala ang gumagamit ng SUV na dapat ay service ng DILG SECRETARY. Since nauna daw kasing i-appoint si Puno kaysa kay Robredo, kay Puno ibinigay ung service car.
At puteeeeek, ang daming bodyguards at aides. Akala ko nga si Pres. Aquino ang darating.
At eto pa, sa kanya pala binigay ni Pres. Noy ung isang sasakyan dati ni Tita Cory.
Kaw na ang classmate sa shooting.

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17 09 2010
professionalheckler

wow.

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17 09 2010
bwahaha.com.ph

double wow! I voted for Noynoy but he should starting shaping-up, coz where i sit he may end up just like if not worst than GMA. It all begins and end with the kind of people he appoints.

I will not regret voting for him, what I will lament on is the opportunity we are losing to make this country of ours better. Sigh!

Kudos to PH for another insightful blog.

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17 09 2010
ilassoedthemoon

WOW na WOW PH.

sa radio station lang siya pupunta nun ha.
OA ang bitbit na security escorts.

Plus , he was also accompanied by his chief of staff and other (maybe 5 to 7) members of his staff. And i think, dalawa dun lawyers. FEELING isasalang sa senate hearing.

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17 09 2010
miketest

mga druglords..juetenglords..at kung anu ano pang illegallords,,scramble na po kayo,,iba na nasa poder..isip bagong approach..

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18 09 2010
Paul

It looks like he is holding an ace. I wonder what it is.

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19 09 2010
etchosera

naku naman Koya Paul!

Ano bang klaseng tanong yan…… eh inuna mo na nga ang sagot eh!

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20 09 2010
maxlip

It’s a spade.

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17 09 2010
hikatalomato

bagay sina reesa at JESSICA
parang litsong tinuhog sa kawayan

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17 09 2010
Pearly Shells (Perla Kabibe)

And the No. 1 movie remake starring Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno…

Y Tu Mamá Tumbok ng otsenta, sahod ng beinte

hahaha.. ganyang ganyan tumaya si inang sa probinsya. hahaha

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17 09 2010
kaye

love the reworded Y tu mama tambien. hehe.

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17 09 2010
lucienne

Q: What has six legs, four eyes, and goes Ngoorkkzz?
A: A drunk executive secretary slumped on a chair

nyaaahahaha!!!! this is funny! thanks for the laugh PH 🙂

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18 09 2010
eddibumangon

di ko ‘to gets, pano naging six legs and 4 eyes. 😦

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19 09 2010
etchosera

Ayyyyy! Bakit kaya lahat ay di nagulat na di mo yan na-gets, Koya Eddi?

May ibig kayang sabihin yun? Ahihihihihihi!

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22 09 2010
eddibumangon

‘kaw talaga etchos, porke mabait na ako ngayon, ako naman tinitira mo.:-)

mahilig ako maghanap ng meanings kasi fave subject ko sa college ang psych at idol ko si freud… mag-ingat ka, don’t ever tell me your dreams. 🙂

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17 09 2010
maxlip

jueteng in vain…

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17 09 2010
maccallister

naku di na masusugpo yang jueteng na yan!

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17 09 2010
Anonymous

hay naku PH! kailangan ng miracle para matapos ang jueteng jueteng na yan! kung sa probinsya probinsya alam na nila mga opisyal na naghahawak ng jueteng wala nman nangyayari! hindi lumalabas sa imbestigasyon!

kalokohan lang yan! hindi masusugpo ang jueteng!

tataya ulit ako bukas! LOL

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17 09 2010
promdi

hay naku, jueteng ina nating lahat… di pa pinaglilihi mga parents ni sabel, me jueteng na. pinaglumaan na ng siglo yan, hangga ngayon, paputak-putak si chicken inahin at pabatok-batok lang si bantay na alaga ni pepe en pilar (hu dey?) jueteng na ‘yan at jueteng pa ring tatanghalin! naka-embed na sa kulturang pinoy yan… how do you delete one’s culture? another deluge? whose homework is it ba para tuluyang mawala? sa tingin ko, it’s everybody’s task. ask poor mananayang si Na maria at Ma juan sa baryo namin, wala sila away sa jueteng na yan… paki nila kung me payola sina mayor at hepe.. basta me tama kami… me pambii na kami bigas! o hala, mahaba-habang inuman, para ma-solve yan!

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17 09 2010
checkmate

cge lang, sana lang talaga masolve ni pnoy yan, so far puro porma pa lang admin nya, ung mga senate probe dati parang walang nangyayari, jueteng naman pangdistract nya ngayon hay…

konti na lang mapapalitan na ang pinakamalakas na bansa, nagiging aggressive na ang china, or worse malapit na ang world war 3, san kaya tayo pupulutin pag nagkataon? kapit na naman sa malakas? mukhang imposible atang maging isa sa mga superpower ang Pilipinas ah…

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17 09 2010
Thel from Florida

Thank you for another hilarious post! Ang galing mo talaga. Bless your heart and mind always.

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17 09 2010
professionalheckler

THANKS Tel 🙂

Like

18 09 2010
JR Lopez Gonzales

Kung ano ang Puno, siya rin ang bunga.
Hai naku.
Kailan pa kaya matatapos ang payola na ito.

I am still JUETENG…

Like

18 09 2010
senior60

ang hirap lang kasi intindihin ng pag-iisip ng tao,

common sense lang naman na sa kahit anong klaseng

sugal, mas malaki ang talo kaysa sa panalo, so, bakit

pa magsusugal….

except sa maka jackpot, kaya siguro ang mga tao ngayon,

instead of praying for good health for example, ayun, nag

pray na maka jackpot…

Like

19 09 2010
karaangbugoy

There’s a sucker born every minute.

Like

19 09 2010
etchosera

naku naman Lolo, kaya nga nagsusugal at tumataya kasi umaasang mananalo eh.

Kung may alam kang taong tumataya sa hueteng tapos nagdadasal na matalo siya, eh …… IHARAP MO SIYA SA AKIN! IHARAP MO!

Di pa kasi ako nakakita ng ganun eh. Ahihihihihihi!

Like

19 09 2010
firewomyn

Y tumama tumbok talaga! 🙂 Cine Europa tayo! 🙂

Like

19 09 2010
i'm no angel

hay naku mukhang dadanak ang dugo ng karamihan sa ating mga kababayan bago mawala ang jueteng
…ibibigay ko rin ang buhok ko kay noynoy pag na-eradicate ito totally under his term

Like

20 09 2010
senior60

aaaayyy naku etchoserang frog, eeeeewan ko sa iyo hahaha

Like

20 09 2010
Anonymous

Kakaiba talaga yang si Rico Puno, ngayon lang ako nakakita ng Undersecretary ng kahit anong sangay ng gobyerno na may “1st UnderSec Puno Invitational Shooting Tournament” ekek tapos may litrato pa niya sa Tarpaulin! Kapal muks! At san naman kaya nya kukunin ang mga premyo niya dito? Now I know!!!!

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25 01 2011
GRILLED « The Professional Heckler | Pnoy Talks

[…] this article: GRILLED « The Professional Heckler This entry was posted in Jokes and tagged drunk-executive, eyes, far-puro, four-eyes, […]

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