CHICKEN CROSSING (2010 Edition)


Why did the chicken cross the road? Here’s why according to some prominent people in politics, government, and entertainment:

President Noynoy Aquino: “Nahaharap ang manok sa isang sangandaan. Sa isang banda ay ang tuwid na daan. Sa kabilang banda ay ang baluktot na daan. Sa halip na lakarin ang isa sa mga daan, ang manok ay tumawid na lamang.”

Palace Spokesman Atty. Edwin Lacierda: “Whether the chicken crossed Times Street or Samar Street, or went straight to the Balay complex in Cubao is irrelevant. What’s important is the chicken has been doing its best for the chicks. This ‘crossing thing’ has been totally blown out of proportion by the media.”

DILG Secretary Jesse Robredo: “That’s a [traffic] police matter. My job is to focus on providing coop for the chicken.”

Communications Group Sec. Herminio Coloma: “Did the chicken cross the road? I seriously doubt it! Otherwise, the traffic enforcer would have noticed!”

Communications Group Sec. Ricky Carandang: “I confirm that the chicken crossed the road. But the traffic enforcer was not informed about it.”

Chief Supt. Rodolfo Magtibay: “Mayor Lim ordered it to cross!”

Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim: “Hindi pa kasi nanananghalian. Ayun, tumawid at naghanap ng pagkain. But no, I did not order the chicken to cross the road.”

Manila Vice Mayor Isko Moreno: “Hindi ko po alam. Nagulat nga rin ako kasi bigla na lang umesquierda!”

ABS-CBN News Head Maria Ressa: “The traffic policeman was not in control. Traffic police should lead. Chicken will follow.”

RMN’s Erwin Tulfo: “Put*ng-i*a kasi! Matigas ang ulo ng tarant*dong manok na ‘yan eh. ‘Buti ‘ka n’yo at ‘di nasagaan ang hay*p na ‘yan!”

GMA 7’s Mel Tiangco: “Mike, nakikita mo ba ang manok d’yan sa kinaroroonan mo? [Chicken appears then crosses the road] Buhay!!! Buhay Mike ang manok! Naku! Mukhang tatawid sa kalsada Mike! Pambihira! Tumawid na nga Mike!”

Executive Secretary Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa: “Sayang nga eh! ‘Di ko naabutan. Naghahanap pa naman kami ng pulutan!”

Human Rights Commissioner Coco Quisumbing: “What’s your question again? I can’t hear you! Ano?!? I said I can’t hear you. Hay naku! Tanungin mo na lang ako later sa CR. Tara, ‘don tayo. Kailangan ko pang mag-make up!”

Vice President Jejomar Binay: “Pasensya na. Nagmamadali kasi dahil may meeting pa ng araw na ‘yon.”

Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo: “The chicken did what is right, what is best, and so God took care of the rest (of its journey).”

Ilocos Sur Governor Chavit Singson: “Hindi naman talaga dapat tatawid ‘yan eh. So ang duda namin, na-set up lang.”

Former Agriculture Secretary Luis “Cito” Lorenzo: “To testify.”

Nacionalista Party: “According to its psychiatric evaluation report, the chicken was depressed.”

Sen. Panfilo Lacson: “Delikado ang daan, dapat lumipad na lang siya. Anyway, sa kaso naman ng manok, flight is not an indication of guilt eh.”

Comelec Commissioner Gregorio Larrazabal: “We’re happy to announce that the chicken crossed the road in an honest, peaceful, and orderly manner.”

Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao: “You know.”

Willie Revillame: “Mamili kayo: ako o ‘yong manok?!?”

Kris Aquino: “To file a motion for the declaration of nullity of its marriage to the cock.”

James Yap: “Lahat ng iyan ay ginagawa ng manok para sa kanyang sisiw.”

Boy Abunda: “Kung ikaw ang naturang manok at bibigyan ka ng pagkakataong magsama ng isang hayop sa pagtawid, anong hayop ang isasama mo at bakit?”

Miss Universe 4th Runner Up Maria Venus Raj: “Thank you sir for that wonderful question. You know what sir, in the chicken’s 22 weeks of existence, I can say that it has got nothing major, major, I mean, crossing-related problem because it is confident. That’s why the chicken made it to the other side. So thank you, thank you so much!”

MWSS Executives: “Is that a bonus question?”
—————————–
“Don’t count your chickens before they cross the road.”
~Anonymous

Survey Says
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Have a safe and productive week!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

147 thoughts on “CHICKEN CROSSING (2010 Edition)”

  1. Panalo ang post mo PH, lalo na kay:

    GMA 7’s Mel Tiangco: “Mike, nakikita mo ba ang manok d’yan sa kinaroroonan mo? [Chicken appears then crosses the road] Buhay!!! Buhay Mike ang manok! Naku! Mukhang tatawid sa kalsada Mike! Pambihira! Tumawid na nga Mike!”

    —-
    Aling Mel na Aling Mel tlaga!!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀

    Like

      1. sa totoo lang wala kang itulak-kabigin sa mga newscaster natin, dpt sa kanila itulak na lang at mag-retiro lahat. Lahat puro mga ndi kaaya-aya ang face value at mga boses…

        khit good news ang i-report nila para pa ring bad news dhil yung mga kara nila…not counted as in disaster!!! 😀

        Like

  2. Miss Gloria Diaz: “The chicken crossed the road because she needed an interpreter. Have you ever wondered why the bisaya chicken say ‘toktoga-ok’ while the tagalog chicken say ‘tiktilaok’ and the english chicken say ‘cock-a-doodle-doo’? An interpreter is a must”.

    Amateur Heckler:”Mayweather crossed the road?”

    Like

  3. Nice one Mr. PH. I noticed that Gen. Versoza didn’t answer the question. I thought VP Binay’s answer would be that of Gen. Versoza’s. Sorry, I was not aware that VP Binay uttered something to that effect wrt hostage-taking. I noticed though that he was called in during a press conference of palace officials 1 or 2 days after the hostage-taking incident.

    Have a blessed Sunday.

    Like

  4. P.S. to my previous comment Mr. PH. —or is the answer of VP Binay what could be considered “vintage Binay”…something that can be identified to him like the answer of Willie Revillame, Boy Abunda, Sen. Ping Lacson, Chavit Singson, Manny Pacquiao, Venus Raj (not really vintage but will soon become one). If so, I am not familiar talaga.

    Like

  5. hindi na nakakatawa ang blog mo loi… alam mo isa kang as___le! bakit kamo, kontrol mo ang mga comments dito, dami mong hindi ina approve na comments lalo pro-admin., bakit nagkakapera ka ba ph? napapansin ko lahat ng comments dito puro batikos sa administrasyon, nagbago na ba ang ihip ng hangin?

    Like

    1. i respect your opinion. but NO, i do not censor pro-admin comments. please… SUBSTANTIATE your claim na “kino-kontrol” ko ang mga pro-admin comments.

      what i moderate are personal comments of a reader against another reader. why not POST your pro-admin comments? let’s see kung totoong cini-censor ko. masaya ako kapag maraming nagco-comment at wala sa ‘kin kung pro or anti-admin man ‘yon.

      another thing… hindi dahil nagbago na ang administrasyon, magbabago na rin ang tema ng blog na ito. The Professional Heckler will not be a mouthpiece of anyone be it pro- or anti-admin. May iba nang gumagawa niyan. ‘Yung iba nga, kumikita pa sa pagtatanggol sa magkabilang panig.

      Magsusulat at magsusulat ako batay sa naoobserbahan ko sa aking paligid.

      You want to read articles that would heap praises on the administration? Hindi ka mauubusan. Marami sila d’yan.

      Salamat sa iyong pagbabasa. ‘Balik ka.

      Like

      1. wow, yan na ang pinakamahabang reply i have ever read from you, PH!

        To that person calling PH an @$$hole, put up your own blog! Anong paki mo kung “nagbago na ang ihip ng hangin”? It is the discretion of the writer to write what he wants to write! If PH’s writing pisses the hell out of you, don’t visit this site.

        Like

      2. good take, ph! di ka napipikon, otherwise wala ka panalo, sabi nga ni edu (soon!), asar, talo! he he. wala me itulak-kabig sa lahat ng chicken na pinarada mo today. equally superb, major, major LOL silang lahat…! pag di ka natawa… talo! uuyyy, amininnn! by the way, ngayon lang naging positive ang dating sa akin ng… ass–le! hahaha. Congrats. keep it up!

        Like

      3. Kung totoong may censorship nga, dapat hindi naipost yang comment na yan, diba? xD

        May ilang comments na rin ako dito na hindi na-approve. Walang personalan dun, nagbabasa pa rin naman ako at nagcocomment xD Moderator din dati ako ng ilang messageboards na mas strict pa dito – tipong sabihin mo lang na ********, eh hindi na nga approved ang post mo banned ka pa for at least a week – kaya naiintindihan ko ang need for moderation lalo na sa blog na ito na satire at may potential na mauwi ang usapan sa murahan na lang.

        Besides, yung moderation control for WordPress, hindi nandyan lang for censorship; pang-control yan just in case may spam na nakakalusot sa Akismet or whatever.

        Like

      4. huwaw. a**hole. parang biatch lang. haha!

        lighten up, nah. you’re not paying PH a single centavo, so why are you questioning his ways? kahit di naman parepareho ang galaw ng utak ng mga tao dito at may disagreements, ok lang. if you really read, you will see that there are still so many pro-admin people here, and they slug it out with those who are not pro-admin, at wala namang problema. Kung meron man, asaran lang. 😉

        Like

    2. @ nah,

      This once, I will english you! I no need interpreter! Ahah ahah ahah!

      Pusangi Nah, let me remind you that this is PH’s blog and not yours.
      He’s got all the right to or not to approve comments………………………… and you know what?

      YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!

      One mores ‘Teh Kris….. … Ahah ahah ahah!

      Galing ko talaga mag-english, no?

      Like

    3. The person is attacking The Professional Heckler primarily because he/she can’t defend the favored personality (administration) neither thru solid arguments nor witty remarks.
      Oh well, TPH is famous. He’s got his own set of critics now (though I’m not so sure if the Nah person qualifies). 🙂

      Like

    1. Wahahaha sapul! Love it!

      My respect goes to the a*hole rather than the ass-kisser! At least the a*hole got guts which is clearly what is lacking in the administration. No one would own up to their fault so there’s plenty (if not all) of finger-pointing going on.

      Besides, simple lang naman yan. Ika-nga ng kasabihan:
      “If you can’t take the heat, get the hell out of the kitchen!”

      Like

  6. mr. ph, that was a perfect response to a very inappropriate comment by nah. di talaga dapat patulan ang ganyang mga tao.

    i discovered your blog last month and became quite a fan. i used to visit just one blog, now i read yours regularly, too. i read a couple of archived posts everyday, para may daily dose of laughter ako:) salamat sa pagpapatawa!

    Like

    1. amen to that! I’ve been following this blog for over a year now, without fail I read PH everyday or every blog. I most certainly appreciate the effort in every blog, well crafted, witty, current and to the point. Ouch! Bato bato sa langit, ang tamaan eh tumawa na lang. Walang pikonan.

      Like

  7. nah, akala mo lang yang lahat na nasa isip mo pero ang

    the truth and nothing but, hindi na umarangkada mga

    pro administration commenters/tors dahil ano naman ang

    maipagmalaki nila kay noynoy, up to this moment ha, wala

    lang, para lang talaga naglalaro ang lahat sa gobierno…

    by the way, hindi ka kaya si religiousboy/girl?

    basta ako, around three times that my posts did not see print,

    yun yung mga batian portions ko hahaha

    Like

  8. sa pagharap ng chicken sa sangang-daan, tumawid na lamang sya dahil mabagal mag-isip ang mga handlers niya kung sa tama o tuwid na daan o dun sa baluktot sya lalarga. finally, he decided, or was he was told to finally cross na lang, sabay sabi na “i take responsibiity for what happenedi” pagkatapos na ng labing-isang araw na nangyari ang show of force (-ful ineptitutde!). The Philippine Star has a telling editorial today. To quote some…… “Thus, of what practical and meaningful benefit will Mr. Aquino’s owning up responsibility for the hostage fiasco do now, 11 days after it was needed? At this late moment in time, it only serves to underscore a damning insincerity, coming as it does as a clear afterthought.

    If the intention is an attempt at damage control, please do not do it at the expense of the people’s intelligence. Did Mr. Aquino and his handlers really believe the Filipinos will buy any crocodile tears and belated breast-beating?” Amen.

    Like

  9. LOL @ Erwin Tulfo and Mel Tiangco. sobrang in character. pati pagmumura ni Erwin, at ang pagiging hysterical ni mel tiangco, kuhang kuha.

    I also already anticipated Jojo Ochoa’s answer. hehehe. as for Boy Abunda, sana ginamit niya ang mahiwagang salamin. 😀

    MWSS’ bonus question is the best!

    at sana may part 2 pa ito…absent sina mar and korina. isali na rin sana ang mga presidential candidates na natalo sa eleksyon. they might have something to say about the chicken, too. 😉

    Like

    1. Sayang, I didn’t catch that “hysterical” one by Mel Tiangco. I was watching ABS-CBN TV Patrol but when they were airing live the brother’s arrest, I tried to see what was happening on the other channels (TV5 ang GMA 7), nagpalipat-lipat ako. What I observed though was the unusually calm way of reporting by Mike Enriquez. Sabi ko, buti naman at di iyong dati niyang for SHOW na excitable voice ang ginamit niya that Aug.23. Otherwise, nakadagdag siya sa kaba ng mga manonood.

      Sa totoo lang, this particular blog post is really funny as it satirizes comments/issues of some known people/entities in the news that are identified with them. Natawa talaga ako re MWSS, Manny Pacquiao, the 3 stooges -Lacierda, Coloma, Carandang.

      Like

  10. I voted for PNoy hahaha!!! But I find your satire, PH, so revealing of the human foibles around! Ano siya, Diyos? Ang lalakas lang ng karmang dumarating sa kanya and dapat ngang basahin pa nga niya ang blog na ito para matauhan! Aber? Sabi nga niya nun na ayaw niya sanang tumakbo…napilitan llang dahil sa dami ng gusto siyang tumakbo!

    Like

  11. @senior60 — Fyi may mga ka-readers ka dito na naloloko/ka na sa kahuhula kung sino ako talaga. Nanghuhuli parang ikaw. E butas din naman ang lambat para yung iyo. Please get your act together di ba magkaka-tropa kayo? You know. Kung yung isa ay si madame auring, teka, ano naman kya ang magandang itawag sa iyo? Ah, alam ko na, feeling-feeling! Di ba ikaw yun? Meantime, magdusa ka muna ng husto. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

    Like

  12. congrats mr. ph!! napaka fertile ng isip mo! sana lang yung mga pikon at di kaya yung nasa blog mo, e wag na lang magbasa. sa hirap ba naman ng buhay e di pa tayo tatawa, samantalang libre naman ang pagtawa courtesy of mr. ph. wag na nating dagdagan pa mga wrinkles natin sa pamamagitan ng pagsisimangot. it will not help to make us beautiful and to lighten our burden.

    Like

  13. Hala… Ngayon ko lang nabasang tinawag kang *******! Hindi kasi ako masyadong nagbabasa ng comments…

    Pero tinututukan ko blog mo… Kulang ang araw ko sa opisina nang hindi ko chine-check kung may bagong blog entry ka na o wala pa… Hehe…

    Asteeg kasi eh… Kahit na paulit-ulit lang yung mga punto, nagagawa mo pa rin kaming patawanin…

    Hindi below-the-belt ang mga jokes mo… Tsaka kahit na seryoso ang topic, napapangiti mo pa rin kami nang wala kang nasasaktang personalidad…

    Keep it up, PH… Manalo ka sana ulet sa Philippine Blog Awards this year! Wish you all the best!

    Like

    1. hmmm…you have to do some backreading then.

      but FYI, a lot are still connected with the recent hostage-taking incident which resulted to the killing of 8 hostaged Hong Kong tourists and the hostage-taker himself. Still, some are just about how the usual popular personalities would interpret the chicken’s crossing. 😉

      Like

  14. willie revillame: pag alam ng manok na may kakayahan siya at maraming naniniwala sa talent niya, tatawid siya. marami namang pwedeng puntahan ang manok at duon mangingitlog. tumawid ang manok at nakasportscar pa. pati dagat pwedeng tawirin ng manok kahit isama pa ang mga sisiw dahil dalawa ang yatch niya. ang manok na nangingitlog ng ginto ay hindi dapat ilagay sa freezer hanggang 2011.

    abs-cbn: tumawid ang manok sa maling pagaakala na wala siyang tali. tumawid ang manok pero hindi makakarating sa paroroonan niya. chickens come and go but the chicken coop is an institution!

    joey d leon: ang manok tumawid dahil mayabang at akala niya na may pupuntahan siya sa kabilang daan. hindi ba niya alam na may mabangis na leon doon?

    Like

      1. hahaha; tuwa ako sa ‘yo echos, ne! hindi ka inconsistent; at lalong di ka irrelevant… di ka nawawala sa sarili! mukhang nagiging relevant ka nang pinoy. yun bang larawan ng naghahalu-halong culture. hahaha . para kang chicken ni sisa (ni manong pepe rizal ko), habang tumatawid bumubulong-bulong sa makinis-magaspang-malubak-pantay na daan,: “ako’y may dalawang anak, si basilio at si crispin, subalit… napakadilim ng gabi!”. o di bah, kuhang-kuha mo? walang ganyan sa ibang blog huh? this really is one of a kind! raj! raj! raj!

        Like

    1. senior60 –yup. Magdusa ka sa pangbibintang mo at mga haka-haka mo tungkol sa akin at sa ibang sumusulat dito. Di mo ba nabasa kung sino ang suspetsa ni PH? Dahil diyan, isang sampal iyan sa iyo kaya dapat madala ka na sa pangbibintang mo, okay? Tsura mong utusan mo pa kong mag-review ng blog 2 weeks ago? Hooooy, di kagaya mo, HINDE lang ito ang buhay ko noh? Mas mabuti pang basahin paulit-ulit ang Wuthering Heights at Canterbury Tales kesa patulan ka. Hmmmmph!

      Like

  15. kung si pinocchio ay humahaba ang ilong pagnagsisinungaling, si:

    mike enriquez, lumalaki ang butas ng ilong
    mel tiangco, kumukulubot ang mukha
    karen davila, mamumuo ang plema sa lalamunan
    ted etong, nangangati ang trigger finger
    gas abelgas, inaantok
    julius babao, naglalaho ang upper gum (just like cristy fermin)
    pnoy, nalalagas ang buhok
    loren legarda, walang epek, immune na kasi

    Like

  16. here’s some kind of email that must be going around especially in relations to your new survey: (now whether you’re going to approve this or not…it’s your blog it’s your discretion – thanks)

    To the Hongkong and PRC People:

    You hate the Filipino people for the hostage fiasco that unfortunate incident that went out of control at the end. This was a hostage situation that was under control and which netted 7 Chinese tourists to be released upon the efforts of our policemen.

    You appear and sound sanctimonious and have even stepped upon our sovereignty. You have demanded apology, the moon and the heavens. You hate the Filipino people as if we wanted this unfortunate incident to happen. First and foremost, we offer our condolences to the families of the 8 that were killed in this incident. Secondly, we are sorry for the bungled handling of this hostage taking. It was unfortunate, it was an accident, we never planned it that way. Is it fair to blame a whole nation for a situation that was never planned?

    Let me ask you this question, “Should we hate you also for the lead poisoning caused by the paint you used in your baby furniture and toys for the children of the world, Should we hate you also for the use of cardboard in the “siopao” that you sell to tourists? Should we hate you also for the melamine contamination wherein not 8, but hundreds, maybe even thousands have suffered and some even died?

    Or, let us talk of Filipino casualties. A few years ago, 3 Filipino tourists, all surnamed Madrigal, a family of 5 were walking on Tienemen Square and Beijing . One Chinese stabbed the father and two of his children, killing all three. Were you even sorry for what this one Chinese did? Did the Filipino people even demand that China apologized for this unfortunate incident. This was PRE-MEDITATED MURDER.

    Just as the use of lead, cardboard, melamine was pre-meditated – used because they were cheaper materials, in order to generate PROFITS for the Chinese businessman. Did you pay damages the same way you are demanding damages from the Filipino nation and people.

    Where was the anger of the Chinese and Hongkong people? Did you even apologize to the world? My God in the case of melanine, you even kept this information from the world, until you were exposed for what you are!!!

    Enough! We symphatize but don’t blame the Filipino people.

    So you want to send our OFWs home, that take care of your children? They play an important part in your lives. Both spouses are able to work, earn money because of the tender loving care being heaped on your children by Filipino maids and yayas/amahs. While you pay our OFWs for the work they do, you earn more for the love and care they bestow on your children. Go ahead, send our OFWs home. Let us see how that will affect your family incomes.

    Enough!

    Pass this to all Filipinos you know. If you love your country, perhaps you’ll send this.

    Like

    1. well said.
      someone with passion and insight.
      you are right not to kowtow. the chinese are exploiting this
      situation politically so they make philippines even more beholden to them

      have you thought why and how there was such a big demonstration in hk.

      the chinese master plan of a greater china demands that the neighbouring countries see them as master and themselves as servants – a bit like the ofw relationship, and if something is done they dont like then they are to be admonished just like an ofw. the long term strategy is clear but i dont think p-noy understands strategy or international relations. philippines just a pawn

      stand up for independence and identity or everyone will be singing to the tune of beeijing and buying even more
      face whitening products as they try to become chinese. be filipino

      Like

  17. love it.

    a few more

    shalani: to find a real boyfriend

    ochoa: because i am too drunk to walk a straight line

    kris aquino: to have something to say on twitter

    singson: to sell some corn. no, i retract that. someone put corn in my underpants when i was not looking. i dont feel well. justice delayed may give me a chance for daddy to buy my freedom

    vp binay: to look for chicks, but dont tell the wife

    lim: to go to my office, i mean the emerald restaurant

    guttierrez: i wont answer that on the grounds it may incriminate me

    poison dwarf (gma) : i wont answer that because i answer to noone

    pacman : i cant answer that because i dont understand the question

    p-noy: i cant make a decision which side i want to be on

    caradang: i will answer it next week, and get it wrong

    pia cayetano: because i like to bee seen everywhere

    boy abunda: i go both ways

    mendoza: to take the bus

    robredo: because this side of the street is not my responsibility

    romulo: because i want to move on

    enrile: i work both sides against the middlke

    kris aquino: because this is my night job

    Like

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