INTRODUCTIONS

THIS JUST IN!
The Professional Heckler has just received a document titled “Miss Universe fever hits Malacañang.” Here’s a portion of that document.

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Classification: Confidential
Date: August 19, 2010
Location: Unknown

President Benigno Simeon “Noynoy” Aquino III: Maraming salamat sa inyong pagdating. Ngayon ang ika-limampung araw ng ating pamamahala. Alam kong nagsisimula pa lamang tayong lahat. Ngunit sa tulong ng Panginoong Maykapal, magagampanan natin ang ating mga sinumpaang tungkulin. Bago natin simulan ang inihandang salu-salo, maaari bang magpakilala muna ulit tayo? Para ganahan tayong lahat, gusto ko buhay na buhay okay?!? Let’s start!

“Mula sa Bureau of Internal Revenue… ito po si Kim S. Jacinto-Henares… ang reyna ng mga kulektor ng buwis! Tax ko! Tax n’yo! Yayaman ang gobyerno sa tax ng mga ina n’yo! Thank you!”

NEXT!

“Strike 1! Strike 2! Ayoko nang ma-Strike 3! Kaya ang susunod na announcement, hindi na sa ANC! Ako po si Attorney Edwin Lacierda, tagapagsalita ng ating Pangulo: naglilingkod sa inyo saan man sa palasyo!”

NEXT!

“Representing the four Abads in selfless government service, this is Julia Andrea Abad-Parker, chief of the Presidential Management Staff. I believe in the saying, ‘The family that prays together, gets appointed together!’ Mabuhay!”

NEXT!

“Isang magandang gabi sa inyong lahat! Ito po si Jejomar Cabauatan Binay Sr., ang inyong bise presidente at concurrent chairman ng Housing and Urban Development Coordinating Council. Kay Binay, gaganda ang bahay!”

NEXT!

“Buenas tardes! Mi nombre es Dr. Enrique T. Ona, ang iniintrigang kalihim ng Kagawaran ng Kalusugan at dating direktor ng National Kidney Institute! Ito lang po ang masasabi ko: ‘Ding, ang bato! Ibenta mo sa ‘kin ang ‘yong bato!’”

NEXT!

“Rektikano, Rektikano, Rektikano! Rah! Seez-boom-bah! Promise, ako po ay nagbago na lalo na sa pakikitungo sa mga miyembro ng media! This is DepEd Secretary Armin Luistro! Animo!”

NEXT!

“Ako ang simula! From the Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning Office, I am Ramon ‘Ricky’ Carandang, a proud member of the KBP: Kapisanan ng mga Brodkaster ng Pilipinas! Go Ateneo!”

NEXT!

“Magandang gabi sa inyong lahat! Been there, done that, kabayong bundat! Ako nga po pala si Corazon ‘Dinky’ Soliman. Lagi po n’yong tatandaan, “Souls in the wind/ Must learn how to bend/ Seek out a star/ Hold on to the end/ Valley, mountain/ There is a fountain/ Washes our tears all away! Thank you!”

NEXT!

“I am your Truth Commission chairman Hilario Davide Jr. Ma’ayong gabi’i! Kung wala kagusto ang pamilya Estrada sa akua, labaw na ko wa ko kaangay nila. Yawâ!”

NEXT!

“Hindi na po ako magpapaliguy-ligoy pa! Ako si Angelito Alvarez ng Bureau of Customs! Naniniwala po ako sa modernong kasabihan, ‘Kung hindi madaan sa hole-in-one, daanin na lang sa dayaan!’ Just call me Lito: sagot kita, sagot ko kayo, sagot ko ang padala mo!”

NEXT!

“I am Voltaire Gazmin!! Noon: PSG ni Cory; Ngayon: Defense Secretary. Loyalty is definitely the best policy!”

NEXT!

“Less talk, less mistakes. I’m Executive Secretary Paquito ‘Jojo’ Ochoa. Cheers!

NEXT!

“Nang ako’y alukin ng trabaho sa gobyerno, ‘di po ako agad umoo. Subalit ‘di na po ako naka-ayáw nang udyukan ako ng aking bayaw! Dr. Mario Montejo po ang aking pangalan at Science and Technology ang aking larangan! Bow!”

NEXT!

“According to a Yiddish proverb, ‘The eyes are the mirror of the soul.’ From the Professional Regulation Commission Board of Optometry, this is Dr. Vivian Sarabia na nagpapaalala, ‘Kumain ng kalabasa upang luminaw ang mata!’ Hello Boy Abunda!”

NEXT!

“Senador Ping Lacson, alam kong nagbabasa ka! Sumuko ka na! Napapaligiran kita! Ito po ang inyong kalihim ng Kagawaran ng Hustisya… hindi taga-Peru, si Leila de Limaaaa!”

NEXT!

“Before I introduce myself, I want the President and all Cabinet members to occupy only this area so I could see everyone! This is my best angle. Deal with it! Otherwise, I’m just gonna walk out of this room! Understand? (Yes!) I can’t hear you! (Yes!!) I can’t hear all of you! Ano?!? (Yes!!!!!!!!) Very good!! I am Cecilia ‘Coco’ Quisumbing of the Human Rights Commission. Got a problem with that?!?”

NEXT!

“Good evening! I am Ombudsman Merced…

President Aquino: Guards, paano nakapasok ang babaeng ito!? Palabasin n’yo ‘yan! Now na! Next!”

“Huwag kayong magulat kung bakit ako’y narito! Personal po akong inimbita ng ating pangulo! Wala man sa Cabinet o kahit sa Senado, ako pa rin ang kanyang nag-iisang alter ego! Ramdam n’yo ba ako? Ramdam ko kayo!”

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The CHR Commissioner
Did you hear what happened at the Commission on Human Rights office last Friday? A CHR commissioner named Cecilia ‘Coco’ Quisumbing was allegedly possessed by the spirit of an unidentified former female president of the Philippines.

Commissioner Cecilia ‘Coco’ Quisumbing of the CHR went ballistic during a press conference Friday. Reporters covering the CHR are filing a torture complaint.

Last Friday, Human Rights Commissioner Cecilia ‘Coco’ Quisumbing scolded some journalists for not following her instruction to position themselves in her preferred angle. The reporters had to remind Quisumbing she was in a press conference, not a magazine pictorial.

CHR Commissioner Coco Quisumbing scolded some journalists for not following her instructions during a press conference Friday. After the incident, palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda allegedly called Quisumbing and said, “Thank you for making me look like a saint.”

Torture
Fact: Four members of the Alpha Phi Omega (APO) fraternity surrendered to authorities Friday after the death of a recruit from the University of Makati due to hazing.
Rumor: Senior Inspector Joselito Binayug, the controversial police precinct commander who reportedly tortured a suspected snatcher in Tondo, Manila is a member of APO.
———————————
“Irritability is immaturity of character. If you are subject to being cross and unpleasant with others for no apparent reason, you need to come face-to-face with the fact that you are thinking too much of yourself. After all, your feelings are not the most important things in this world.”
~Author Unknown

Survey Says
Dapat bang ipagpaliban ang barangay elections na nakatakdang isagawa sa Oktubre?
-OO! Magastos kasi! 46%
-HINDI! Kung ano ang nasa batas, sundin! 49%
-Wala akong alam sa isyu. 5%

Have a safe week ahead!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

81 thoughts on “INTRODUCTIONS”

  1. What’s with that woman Coco Quisumbing? She should get a tongue-lashing from P-Noy and Etta Rosales. I was so shocked that she is supposed to be a fighter for human rights…e grabeng papanapak sa human rights ang verbal abuse that the reporters got from her! TANGGALIN!!!! PANGIT na Face, PATI UGALI PANGIT!!!! Calling all human rights activists…to the rescue!!!

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      1. Sam, let’s not call her Coco-nut for the simple reason that coconut has so many uses…for good health, accesories, furniture, etc… COCO-LOCO na lang. Whatever age, the fact that by some strike of FORTUNE, she got a CHR job coming from RPN 9 na bankrupt, that should make her behave and act like a true human rights advocate. Higit na mas marami at malala pang issue ang nahandle ng mga ibang taga CHR, pero wala namang nagwala gaya niyang si COCO LOCO even under stress. Lumabas lang talaGA ANG NAtatagong ugali niya with this torture incident assignment.

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  2. What’s with that woman Coco Quisumbing? She should get a tongue-lashing from P-Noy and Etta Rosales. I was so shocked that she is supposed to be a fighter for human rights…e grabeng pananapak sa human rights ang verbal abuse that the reporters got from her! TANGGALIN!!!! PANGIT na Face, PATI UGALI PANGIT!!!! Calling all human rights activists…to the rescue!!!

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  3. If Lacierda and Luistro were made to attend a seminar on how to interact with the media… what more with that COCO LOCO of a commissioner of human rights? Better still, get her out of our way, TANGGALIN!!!! Sobrang yabang… belongs to the league of Willie Revillame, PGMA (now congresswoman) and Kris Aquino to mention a few. She is not even in the same league of Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago… At least si Sen. Santiago, madalas nasa katwiran naman.

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  4. translation of davide’s intro: magandang gabi! kung ayaw sa akin ng pamilya estrada, mas lalong ayaw ko sa kanila! demonyo! [that’s an expletive in binisaya]

    heckler, introductions is by far the funniest among your posts! but have you seen the entire video of the “torture session” at the chr? the dressing down must have lasted about 20 minutes. i can’t imagine how i would have reacted had i been there. on second thought, i can very well imagine what i would have told that official…

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      1. Mr. PH, hope I don’t sound makulit, but do post it in your next post (same as what you’ve done in posting interview of James Y’s mother). Not many could have clicked the link as you stated above, hindi lahat “techie”. I for one am very mad about this issue, mainly because the outburst was uncalled for. Granting that she woke up at the wrong side of the bed, dapat hindi na lang siya pumasok. Now, listening to Anthony Taberna in DZMM, I just recall that that this na babae ay ang PANGIT na NEWSCASTER sa channel 9 (LOW-BUDGET, SEQUESTERED STATION NOW HAVING PROBLEMS). Not meant to insult the present channel 9 personnel, e ang yabang nito, doon lang pala siya nanggaling. Palayasin ito!!! I am presently hearing a report to Mr. Taberna from a reporter who experienced a tongue lashing just prior to her outburst seen on tv.

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    1. Ms. Lynda J., I am a fan of yours. I am also from the state univ., circa 1970, much older than you. I have noted your “analytical” talent among others when you were a co-anchor of Ted Failon in his radio program last year. I was very happy when you were given a radio program in the early evening together with a male reporter (name escapes my senior mind. sorry) this year. I was very happy with the assignment given you by the ABS-CBN bosses during the last national elections. Congrats!!!
      Now, back to this COCO LOCO QUISUMBING. Sana nga naroon ka sa media interview ng gagang Coco na ito. Being very articulate, regal, talented, you could have given that Coco woman a dose of her own without losing your composure. You could have taken the cudgels for the media people there who seemed to have been cowed by the Coco Loco’s outburst. Now where is Ms. Etta Rosales? Where is Ms. Leila de Lima? Where are the other CHR officials and staff? Where are the other human rights advocates? This is a human rights issue, they shouldn’t just sit this out hoping that Filipinos have a short memory. Dapat nga alisin sa kanya itong torture case involving Binayug because she might symphatize with Binayug…they are birds of the same feather. ANG YABANG! How did she get appointed in the first place. Does her appointment need a nod from the Commission on Appointments? TANGGALIN!!! Her state of mind is not for the CHR. Ibalik siya sa channel 9 at doon siya magkalat!

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  5. Mr. PH, please talk to Mr. Anthony Taberna, Gerry Baja(?) or to the DZMM reporter, Dennis Datu, who experienced a tongue-lashing prior to the tongue lashing incident experienced by the media na nakunan ng video. Then, mag- Part 2 ka ng COCO LOCO BROUHAHA NG BRUHA. Husay ng nakakuha ng video, buti nakunan. This is really too much to just talk about, laugh at, be mad about at and then forget. THIS COCO LOCO who seems to be HIGH ON COKE should GO!

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  6. I wonder why my post in reply to Ms. Lynda J. got deleted? Censored? Wala naman akong sinabing subject to censure. Hmmm….Masama bang tanungin ang stand nina CHR Chair Etta Rosales, ex-CHR chairman de Lima, et. al… wrt COCO LOCO’s uncalled for outburst? Or is it my first comment re Ms Lynda J. (that I’m a fan and I am glad that her talent is being put to good use by ABS-CBN) …that’s an opinion of mine, it should not be subject to censure. My other point is that Ms. Lynda J. should have been there so that she could have given that Coco Loco a dose of her own medicine.

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  7. Yang si Coco LOCO na yan dapat magapologize sa mga reporters in person, hindi lang over the radio – dinig ko yung interview sa kanya ni Ted Failon. Also, magapologize din siya personally to Dennis Datu and say I am sorry, looking at Dennis straight in the eye. Ewan ko lang kung magagawa niya yung titingin nang hindi siya kukurap, sa malaking nakakahiyang pambabastos niya. Ang ganyang pag-uugali ay walang karapatang nakalagay sa CHR. Once a ham always a ham wika nga eh di kung bastos ka bastos ka kahit kailan. Diyan mo naman makikita ang tunay na ugali ng isang tao in tight situaions. Alisin na si Quisumbing bago makagawa pa ng mas malaking problema kay PNoy.

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  8. its about time press people get a dose of their own medicine. not a few mediamen have abused their authority and function to the point of arrogance and in some cases, stupidity. i saw a malacanang press conference on tv where a mediaperson asked sec. lacierda what he thought about the supreme court filing a labor case on the hacienda luisita issue. sec. lacierda asked the mediaperson to clarify her question that the supreme court does not file cases. it seemed the mediaperson just got a text to ask a question and did not think about what she was saying. to me that was a newsworthy incident (i.e. the ignorance of that press personality) but nothing was written about it in the papers. they protect their own perhaps. not unlike the instance where no mediaman dared to ask ted failon the details of the “financial problem” that supposedly led his wife to commit suicide.
    how many times have we seen mediamen thrust their microphones, cell phones or tape recorders in the faces of the people they interview? is there a need for security personnel to shove mediamen so that some vip or govt offical can walk through? is a malacanang directive necessary to advise mediamen to observe dress code?
    for mediamen, their medicine is named coco quisumbing.

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    1. amateur heckler,
      Hijo, I know that media have their own excesses. I agree with you on that. But that incident of Coco Loco’s outburst was uncalled for. Nagsisimula pa lang ang media interview, tumira na siya nang banat. And prior to that, a reporter from DZMM whom she accommodated for a one-on-one interview in the CR while applying make-up, also received a tongue lashing. At dami raw binanggit sa kanyang “qualifications”, among others being the 1st international newscaster…blah-blah-blah…What has that got to do with the interview about the Binayug torture incident?

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  9. i can actually imagine the cabinet officials doing an ala-Ms. Universe intro. hahha!

    Everything was funny…what was not funny, though, was that CHR secretary. and she used to be a journalist at that. san ba pinagkukukuha ng presidente ang kanyang mga cabinet secretaries at parang mga galing sa bundok because they don’t know how to deal with the media. if those journalists got a dressing down from the CHR secretary herself (dahil mainit ang kanyang ulo. duh), wonder how she treats the ordinary masa who ordinarily won’t be able to report to the whole world how they’re treated by her? isang malaking oxymoron ang CHR secretary ha.

    but i must say, you truly have a brilliant mind. who else could think of the things you wrote above? well done, PH!

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  10. WTF?!?!? Does Coco realize that most crimes against human rights are caused by hotheaded scoundrels? This outburst may be rare but it only needs to happen once to show how unfit she is for her position! The media is having a field day on this at her expense – she is certainly not thinking straight as most public official in the Philippines knows that you do not make an enemy of the media!

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    1. She could have done it in good taste, wala naman masama if she has a preferred angle lalo pa at hindi siya kagandahan. Sabihin lang niya nang maayos, like say ” Can you please all position yourselves over there…para iyong magandang angle ko ang nakukunan. Pasensiya na at di ako kagandahan.” AT SABAY NGITI SANA .E nambulas agad siya…kaya hayun, nakuha niya ang angle na gusto niya habang nagbubunganga siya.

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  11. i believe that ms. quisumbing should not lose her job over an incident like this. she is already getting the best comeuppance for her behavior: ridicule, mockery, embarrassment. i don’t mind some government officials having an attitude — as long as they do their job. there are so many other officials who have shamed their position who never blinked about staying in their jobs, and in the big picture this tantrum did not hurt anyone or lose any taxpayer’s money.

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    1. in fairness, your comments, hacktuary, make sense! like it!
      by the way, ph, wasn’t coco the same gal who used to be a tv newscaster herself? that precisely justifies why she’s too camera conscious… he he. sanay sa camera at angling… hahaha! pagsensiyahan nyo na, tama ka rin senior 60!

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    2. bugbog-sarado na si ms. coco dito. tantanan nyo na muna siya, otherwise, ang mga puso nyo, mga atseng! let future history (me ganun?!) judge her… baka naman she’s still euphorically wallowing in her new title which she might have never imagined she could have before! hintayin nyo mahulasan (gets sober, that is!)… hahaha!

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  12. Mr. PH, sorry.e disregard my comment…”I wonder why my post in reply to Ms. Lynda J. got deleted? Censored? …” Just came in from an appointment and saw that it got posted again. Thanks….Hoping for a second post re COCO LOCO. She should quit, even if she said sorry to Ted Failon over DZMM earlier today. Okay lang that she apologized, maybe under advice by superiors(?)… Still, she should quit. With her kayabangan re her stature and abilities, she should have no problem finding another employer that befits her abilities and personality. And behave properly next time around.

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  13. Mr. PH, sorry.e disregard my comment…”I wonder why my post in reply to Ms. Lynda J. got deleted? Censored? …” Just came in from an appointment and saw that it got posted again. Thanks….Hoping for a second post re COCO LOCO. She should quit, even if she said sorry to Ted Failon over DZMM earlier today. Okay lang that she apologized, maybe under advice by superiors(?)… Still, she should quit. With her kayabangan re her stature and abilities, she should have no problem finding another job that befits her abilities and personality. And behave properly next time around.

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  14. according to the spirit of mr. budweiser, dalawa lang ang klase ng babae sa mundo: US at OS

    US: sila iyong mga maiingay, masusungit at laging mainit ag ulo
    OS: sila iyong mga palangiti, masayahin at cool headed

    subalit, darating panahon na ang isang babaeng OS ngayon posibleng magiging US kinabukasan o sa hinaharap. pero ang babaeng US ngayon ay wala ng pagaasang maging OS.

    US is a progressive and irreversible condition. sa madaling salita, walang lunas. hik

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