EXCLUSIVE: GMA Breaks Her Silence

Breaking News: For the first time since winning a seat in the House of Representatives, former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo agreed to be interviewed.

She requested though that the exclusive interview be conducted in the vernacular in celebration of the Philippine National Language Month. Here’s the rare, 45-minute conversation in full.


The Professional Heckler (TPH): Kumusta na po kayo ma’am?
Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo (GMA): Heto, napagod sa kakatakbo. Bigla ba naman akong sabihan na may privilege speech pala si Walden Bello, natural, kinailangan kong lumabas ng session hall. Eh nakita kong papalapit na siya sa podium, ayon kumaripas ako nang takbo. Maliliit pa naman ang aking mga hakbang kaya hiningal talaga ako!

TPH: Mabuti naman at ‘di kayo hinarang ng mga guwardiya..
GMA: Naku, imposible ‘yan! Si Mikey ang naka-duty nang lumayas ako sa Batasan.

TPH: Saan po kayo nagpunta?
GMA: Katulad nga ng nasulat mo sa iyong previous blog post, I tried to leave for Hong Kong. Eh cancelled pala ang mga flights ng PAL kaya umuwi na lang ako sa Lubao.

TPH: Last week po ay nilagdaan na ni Pangulong Noynoy Aquino ang Executive Order No. 1 creating the Truth Commission. Ano po ang masasabi n’yo?
GMA: My two spokespersons, Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago and Congressman Edcel Lagman have repeatedly raised the issue of the EO’s constitutionality. Naniniwala ako sa kanila. It’s unconstitutional.

TPH: Ano naman pong masasabi n’yo sa Communications Group ng ating Pangulo. Inaakusahan po sila ng bias at pagli-leak ng advance info sa isang network.
GMA: Hay naku! Ayaw ko nang makialam sa isyu ng leak na ‘yan. May sarili akong leak na pinu-problema. In fact, after ng interview na ‘to, I’ll have my biennial mammogram.


TPH: Kumusta na po si Attorney Mike Arroyo?
GMA: Okay naman. Nakakapag-golf na ulit. Naghihintay lang kami ng advice ng kanyang doktor for his next check up in Hong Kong.
TPH: Kailan po ‘yon?
GMA: Depende. Depende sa schedule ng susunod na privilege speech ng aking mga kritiko.

TPH: Kung maibabalik po ang year 2004, tatawagan n’yo pa rin ba si Comelec Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano?
GMA: Sino ‘yon? May sinabi ba akong si Garcillano ang tinawagan ko? Remember: when I made that “I’m sorry speech,” never kong pinangalanan ang Comelec official na kinausap ko. Tawagin n’yo na akong corrupt, balasubas, magnanakaw, sinungaling, pandak, at kung anu-ano pang panlilibak… pero never akong nanlaglag ng ibang tao. In short, walang basehan ang iyong tanong. Let’s move on.

TPH: Kung bibigyan kayo ng pagkakataong maging pangulo ulit, tatanggapin n’yo ba?
GMA: Kung ang komposisyon ng Kongreso ay gaya pa rin ng mga nagdaang mga taon, why not? I feel safe and secure with those guys around me.


TPH: Madam Congresswoman, do you pray?
GMA: Before? Yeah.
TPH: Right now?
GMA: Lalo na!

TPH: Sabi po nila, tumakbo lang kayong kongresista dahil ayaw n’yong makasuhan…
GMA: Hindi totoo ‘yan! Tumakbo ako sa Kongreso dahil ‘di na ko puwedeng tumakbo sa pagka-pangulo.

TPH: Can you imagine yourself in jail?
GMA: Can you imagine this interview cut short?
TPH: Oh, I’m sorry for that question. Let’s just talk about the current administration. Sa tingin n’yo ba masyadong nagiging mapaghiganti ang gobyernong Aquino sa inyo?
GMA: Two words: Truth Commission. I need not elaborate.

TPH: May over-importation daw po ng NFA rice…
GMA: Hindi rin totoo ‘yan! Maraming naiiwan sa imbakan dahil hindi binibili ng mga tao ang NFA rice. It’s their fault! Gusto nila, high quality! Masyado silang choosy!

TPH: Malaki daw po ang sweldo ng mga taga-MWSS…
GMA: Mali naman ang impormasyon nila! Sa katunayan, kung iche-check n’yo ang perks ng mga executives ng ibang GOCCs at GFIs, malalaki rin ‘yon! Hindi lang MWSS. Mali ang report!

TPH: How do you find palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda? Ano pong masasabi n’yo sa kanya?
GMA: I admire the guy. Sa siyam na taon ko sa palasyo, once lang ako nag-sorry sa inyo. Si Lacierda, nakakadalawa na, kakasimula pa lang sa trabaho.

TPH: How about the issue between the Noybi supporters and the NoyMar camp? Sa palagay n’yo ba makakaapekto ito sa pamamalakad ni Pangulong Aquino sa gobyerno?
GMA: I really don’t know. Wala naman akong vice president noon kaya ‘di ako maka-relate.

TPH: Nag-uusap pa ba kayo ni Chief Justice Renato Corona?
GMA: Hindi na. Busy lagi ang phone eh. The last time I tried calling him, ang sabi, “Sorry, the number you dialed is having dinner with Peping Cojuangco. Please try your call later.”

TPH: Kumusta na po si Gibó?
GMA: Si Gibó? Hahaha. Namimiss ko ang batang ‘yan. One of the most brilliant minds in my Cabinet. Sayang. Naputol ang aming komunikasyon nang lumabas ang Villaroyo black propaganda noong kampanya. Nagtampo yata sa ‘kin. But yesterday, I heard nag-a-apply siyang piloto sa PAL. If you’re reading this, Sulong Gibó!

TPH: Once and for all, linawin po natin: sino po ang sinuportahan n’yo noong nakaraang eleksyon? Si Gibó o si Villar?
GMA: Si Vetellano Acosta! Kaya ‘wag na kayong magtaka kung bakit marami siyang botong nakuha.


TPH: Madam Congresswoman, until now, curious pa rin po ang publiko. Ano raw po ba ang pinag-usapan n’yo ni President Aquino during that 10-minute limousine ride from Malacañang to Quirino Grandstand last June 30?
GMA: Wala. Kasi, bawat traffic light na madaanan namin, inoorasan niya ang pagpapalit ng kulay. ‘Tapos, tanong siya nang tanong kung sino si Ped Xing. Tawa naman ako nang tawa. So ‘yon, ‘di namin namalayan, Luneta na pala.

TPH: Dumako na po tayo sa tinatawag nating Rapid Round. Dapat po mabilis lang ang inyong sagot. Bawal magpaliwanag. Okay?
GMA: Nakaka-nerbyosh ka naman! Sige nga.

TPH: Ma’am, lights on or lights off?
GMA: Lights off! Mahal kasi ang kuryente ng Meralco.

TPH: Artistic or Athletic?
GMA: Siyempre, golfer si Mike. Athletic!

TPH: Beauty or Brains?
GMA: I wouldn’t have lasted nine years in office kung wala akong utak. Beauty na lang.

TPH: Love or Money?
GMA: After nine years in office?!? Marami na ‘kong money! I’ll choose love siguro. Wait, pwedeng both?

TPH: ABS-CBN or GMA 7?
GMA: NBN 4, kahit ‘di nag-rate ang The Working Preshident. Pero prangkahan na… nakaka-relate ako kay Trudish Liit ng GMA 7.

TPH: This time naman, magmi-mention po ako ng names ng mga kilalang tao. Let me know kung ano ang unang pumapasok sa isip n’yo kapag nababanggit ang kanilang mga pangalan. Let’s start with… Joseph Estrada?
GMA: Hmm, whiskey.

TPH: Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez?
GMA: Merciful!

TPH: The Firm?
GMA: Powerful!

TPH: Hyatt 10?
GMA: Welcome back! Hahaha!

TPH: Garcillano?
GMA: Pass!

TPH: Nani Perez?
GMA: ‘Kaw talaga! You make me blush. Ahihihi

TPH: Noynoy Aquino?
GMA: Good luck!

TPH: Jojo Binay?
GMA: Lucky.

TPH: Mike Arroyo?
GMA: Plenty! Hahahaha! I’m jussssht kidding! Puwede bang off the record na ‘yon?

TPH: Ricky Carandang?
GMA: Cessh Drilon. Akala mo, ‘di ako updated huh. Hi Cessh!

TPH: Secretary Abad?
GMA: Sino sa kanila? Madami eh.

TPH: Philippine Daily Inquirer?
GMA: Shorry, Bulletin lang ang binabasha ko noon!

TPH: Conrado De Quiros?
GMA: Pass!

TPH: Ellen Tordesillas?
GMA: Lalo na ‘yan! Pass!

TPH: Kris Aquino?
GMA: Ay, totoo ba ‘yun? Sila na raw ni Junjun?

TPH: Jocjoc Bolante?
GMA: Rotarian.

TPH: Bayani Fernando?
GMA: Pedestrian.

TPH: Jamby Madrigal?
GMA: Vagitarian.

TPH: Korina Sanchez?
GMA: May katarayan!

TPH: Vicky Toh?
GMA: Huh?! Good Lord!

TPH: Lilia Pineda?
GMA: Jueteng lord!
TPH: Talaga po!?
GMA: Ay, ano ba ‘yung nasabi ko? Off the record ulit, please?

TPH: And finally, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo?
GMA: Huh? Bakit naman ako nasama?
TPH: Request po ng readers ng blog ko.
GMA: Bakit? May readers ka ba?
TPH: Naman! I’m sure, binabasa kayo ngayon ng mga anchors at reporters ng TV5, ABS-CBN, ANC, dzMM, GMA 7 (not sure, pero sana!), GMANews.TV, dzRJ, dzME, dwRX, ABS-CBNNews.Com, Inquirer.Net, at maging ng reporters, columnists at editors ng Philippine Daily Inquirer, Philippine Star, Manila Bulletin, Manila Standard Today, Manila Times, BusinessWorld, Malaya, Newsbreak, Asia Pacific Broadcasting (Singapore) mga thinking bloggers, at ng libu-libong kababayan natin here and around the world.

GMA: Yabang! Bakit? Ito bang interview na ‘to mababasa ng favorite singer kong si Ricky Martin o ng favorite comedian kong si Ricky Gervais?
TPH: Hindi ko lang po sure pero sigurado akong mababasa po ito ni Ricky Carandang, si Secretary Ricky Carandang.
GMA: O shige na nga. Ano nga ulit ang tanong?

TPH: Babaguhin ko na lang po ang tanong para espesyal: Sakaling pumanaw si Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, ano po ang mababasa namin sa kanyang epitaph?
GMA: Ang morbid naman! Pero dahil sport ako at dahil exclusive ang interview na ito, pagbibigyan kita. Medyo mahaba ang isusulat ko sa aking epitaph. Ito ‘yon: HERE LIES…
TPH: Thank you Madam President!
GMA: Teka, hindi pa ako tapos!
TPH: Okay na po ‘yun! Understood na! Ano na lang po ang inyong message sa ating mga kababayan…
GMA: Sure ka puwede na ang gano’ng epitaph?
TPH: Sure na! Final answer! Message n’yo na lang po sa taumbayan…


GMA: Okay. Mga kababayan, kasaysayan na lamang po ang huhusga sa akin. Ginawa ko pong lahat ang aking makakaya bilang Pangulo ng ating bansa. Wala akong inisip kundi ang kapakanan ng maliliit na Pilipino. Sa pagtupad ko sa aking tungkulin bilang kinatawan ng lalawigan ng Pampanga, umaasa ako at mananalangin na harinawa’y umunlad hindi lamang ang aking mga nasasakupan kundi bawat isa sa inyo na nagpupursige sa buhay. Sa huli, iniiwan ko ang sa tuwina’y paalala noon ng aking ama: “Do what ish right; do what ish besht, and God will take care of the resht.”

TPH: Very well said ma’am. Pero bago ko po kayo tuluyang pakawalan, last question na lang po. Naitanong na po ito ni Mr. Boy Abunda kay Gretchen Barretto three weeks ago sa “The Buzz,” pero gusto ko pong itanong din sa inyo. Hypothetical lang po: kung sa impyerno kayo mapupunta, sino ang gusto n’yong makasama?
GMA: That’s a hard question. Pero hypothetical lang naman ‘di ba? Siguro, bilang pagtanaw ng utang na loob, isasama ko lahat ng kongresistang sumuporta sa ‘kin noong time na may mga banta ng impeachment. Exciting na biyahe ‘yon. Ang dami! Teka, puwedeng magsama ng isa pa?
TPH: Kayo po ang bahala.
GMA: Si Attorney Oliver Lozano. Mahusay siyang mag-preempt eh. Malay mo, ma-preempt din niya ang pagpasok ko sa impyerno.

TPH: Thank you so much Madam Congresswoman. It’s both an honor and a pleasure to talk to you.
GMA: Thank you too, Professional Heckler. Ikaw pala ‘yon. Hayup ka! Jussht kidding. Oops, bago ko malimutan, please add me on Facebook. Just type: Facebook.Com slash ImpunityistheBestPolicy, and then click “Like” at automatic friends na tayo. Thank you.

End of Exclusive Interview
Monday, August 2, 2010
Batasang Pambansa Parking Lot

[Note: Parang awa n’yo na, kung ire-repost n’yo ito sa ibang sites o ifo-forward through email, ilagay n’yo naman ang source. Masaya na ako sa gano’n kahit walang kita. At sa mga mag-iiwan ng comment, positibo man o hindi… maraming salamat!]

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Author: professionalheckler

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356 thoughts on “EXCLUSIVE: GMA Breaks Her Silence”

  17. Nice PH. I remember an article written by Rolling Stone Mag, as if they were also featuring an interview with George W. Bush and exposing all his lies and crimes during his 8 year administration. And you did a good job by writing this, this should be featured in a Philippine publication too. 🙂

    Like

    Reply

      1. brilliant, especially “jamby, the vagitarian.” kinabog mo si RG sa interview.

        allow me to be nostalgic: the one and only time i watched UAAP was in 1986 (tama ba), when the UP maroons became champions for the last time. this was the UP dream team of benjie paras, ronnie magsanoc, eric altamirano, duane something…

        maybe i should watch again?

        Like

    1. walang bearing ang inter voting. pero si Kris Aquino ay isa sa mga telecast judges kasama sina Ricky Martin, Rafael Nadal, Riyo Mori, Omarosa, Sharon Osbourne, Gred Mathis, Isade Mishrani at Ana Maria Polo. Hosts cna Bret Michaels at Natalie Morales. Performers sina Orianthi, at John Legend and the Roots…

      Like

      Reply

  47. Hi PH. Thank you so much for your wit. This is one of the most enjoyable, talagang-talaga. I cannot help but smile while typing this message.

    Salamat naman at me common denominator kami ni PNoy, hanggang ngayon, di ko parin kilala ang putek na Ped Xing na yan. Para siyang is Kris Aquino, pakalat-kalat.

    Like

    Reply
  48. Pingback: EXCLUSIVE: GMA Breaks Her Silence (via The Professional Heckler) « Fairytales of a Freedom Fighter

  60. This is brilliance in humor to the max!!! Go, go, go, tph!
    On Note: To all re-posters and forwarders of TPH posts na di-marunong magpaalam o mag-refer man lang sa source, sana makunsiyensya naman kayo next!. and to you loyalists and equally brilliant subscribers and followers of TPH, ibandera at iladlad agad ang mga bloggers, columnists, at plagiarists na ma-spot nyo any which way you can… para makundena… pati na mga editors at publishers nila! Mabuhay TPH! you’re the best of your kind! GBU!

    Like

    Reply

  76. ito ang panalo — Naman! I’m sure, binabasa kayo ngayon ng mga anchors at reporters ng ABS-CBN, ANC, dzMM, GMA 7 (not sure, pero sana!), GMANews.TV, TV5, dzRJ, dzME, dwRX, ABS-CBNNews.Com, Inquirer.Net, at maging ng reporters at columnists ng Philippine Daily Inquirer, Philippine Star, Manila Bulletin, Manila Standard Today, Manila Times, BusinessWorld, Malaya, Newsbreak, mga thinking bloggers, at ng libu-libong kababayan natin here and around the world.

    Like

    Reply

      1. Maybe no word but you can award this title for those who do, “Certified PH Blog Addict”.

        I guess you can never call yourself a true blue addict of this blog until you get that first comment distinction? lol

        Probably a few bloggers here stalk PH’s facebook status waiting for his announcement of a new blog post and zoom to his homepage as fast as his/her MBPs allows 😀

        Like

  108. well done! congrats tph ! we’ve had an exchange of emails before when i was new to tph and we sort of traced roots and pareho pala tayong taga-UP, except that my time was ages ago. anyway, anak, ituloy mo yang kapuri-puring pagsusulat mo at kita mo naman, ang dami mo ng fans from all over, including my son and other relatives in north america. we’re proud of you! galit nga lang daw yung mga members ng 4’11 and 1/2 club.

    Like

    Reply

  122. I have to admit, I’m a BIG fan. At natutuwa ako na ininterview mo ang isa ding Madam na kagaya ko, dahil we have something in common. Kung sya ay magnanakaw umano sa kaban ng bayan, ako naman magnanakaw ng lakas, lalo na ng kalalakihan.

    Sana someday, maisama kitang mag-BJ (bungee jumping). PH at BJ, hmmm, mukhang bagay tayo. ooopps, I’m jussssht kidding. hehe

    Like

    Reply

  126. I have to admit, I’m a BIG fan. At natutuwa ako sa pag-interview mo sa isa ding Madam na kagaya ko, dahil we have something in common. Kung sya ay magnanakaw umano sa kaban ng bayan, ako naman magnanakaw ng lakas, lalo na ng kalalakihan.

    Sana someday, maisama kitang mag-BJ (bungee jumping). PH at BJ, hmmm, mukhang bagay tayo. oooppps, I’m jussssht kidding! hehehe

    Like

    Reply

  152. damn… with a talent like yours you should already be talking with a TV station about a political satire show on TV… please ANC, please… (wait, i am following maria ressa on twiter, and she doesn’t know even the existence of my hometown, but ill do it anyway. hehehe)

    fans, lets all demand that PH be on television soon… let us tweet everyone we know.

    Like

    Reply
  177. Pingback: Top Posts — WordPress.com
  178. Pingback: EXCLUSIVE: GMA Breaks Her Silence (via The Professional Heckler) « Carolinianomics

  180. This part is so witty:

    “TPH: Can you imagine yourself in jail?
    GMA: Can you imagine this interview cut short?
    TPH: Oh, I’m sorry for that question. Let’s just talk about the current administration. Sa tingin n’yo ba masyadong nagiging mapaghiganti ang gobyernong Aquino sa inyo?
    GMA: Two words: Truth Commission. I need not elaborate.”

    Like

    Reply

  182. TPH: Kumusta na po si Gibó?
    GMA: Si Gibó? Hahaha. Namimiss ko ang batang ‘yan. One of the most brilliant minds in my Cabinet. Sayang. Naputol ang aming komunikasyon nang lumabas ang Villaroyo black propaganda noong kampanya. Nagtampo yata sa ‘kin. But yesterday, I heard nag-a-apply siyang piloto sa PAL. If you’re reading this, Sulong Gibó!

    Sulong! Lipad Gibo…Lipad!!!! LOL

    Like

    Reply

      1. Hi, i may not be your regular reader but i am always amazed with each post. and more amazed that you seem to have no mental block, which some writers suffer after some series of successful write ups. you’ve got a brilliant mind 🙂 Keep it coming!!! Yehhaaa

        Like

  200. i am reading this from so many links and I still can’t get over it.

    kahit wala kaming congressman ngayon, talo ang inis kahit mahirap ang signal dito sa ilocos.

    baka masalubong mo si ading ronald , patanong na lang kung sino nagsisinungaling – tatay niya o siya, o silang dalawa.

    Like

    Reply

  210. naku ha marunong na mag abuse of power si noynoy…

    uuyyy mga advisers, umayos kayo…

    tama ba namang patalsikin si kaawaawang nilo? hindi
    ito makatarungan….

    hindi ba nakikita ni noynoy ang mga nangyari sa mga
    malalaking siyudad around the world?

    ang mga modern equipments naman ay hindi sigurado
    na makapagbigay ng tukma na ulat, kung gusto ni bagyo
    na mag change of mind at punta sa ibang direction, wala
    ng magagawa si kahit sino pang pontio pilato ang ilagay
    ni noynoy doon…

    experience is the best teacher pa rin kaya ano kayang
    pamana ng bagong oic compared kay nilo…

    noynoy ha, nakatulog ka ba ng mahimbing sa bago mong
    tahanan dahil sa ginawa mo kay nilo?

    Like

    Reply
  232. Pingback: What? No more ammo? « Oh, Noy!

  235. the poison dwarf has shipped her money to china and having done the bidding of her paymasters in bejing will continue to do everything she can to keep the philippines in poverty. the economic rule of the philippines is step one. and why do we now have a chinese warship in davao. if they get rid of the american base then china will rule asia and continue of course to send all their reject products to countries like philippines

    Like

    Reply

  241. Hindi mo man lang binanggit yung BUSINESS MIRROR. hahaha [nagmamaasim??] –> “TPH: Naman! I’m sure, binabasa kayo ngayon ng mga anchors at reporters ng TV5, ABS-CBN, ANC, dzMM, GMA 7 (not sure, pero sana!), GMANews.TV, dzRJ, dzME, dwRX, ABS-CBNNews.Com, Inquirer.Net, at maging ng reporters, columnists at editors ng Philippine Daily Inquirer, Philippine Star, Manila Bulletin, Manila Standard Today, Manila Times, BusinessWorld, Malaya, Newsbreak, Asia Pacific Broadcasting (Singapore) mga thinking bloggers, at ng libu-libong kababayan natin here and around the world”

    Like

    Reply
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  257. your blogs really make my day! the part kung saan sabi ni PGMA di naman sya nasita ng guard nung tumakbo siya palabas ng hall dahil si Mikey ang naka duty na Security (Rep ng mga Sikyu si Mikey) made me laugh real hard. ang dami pang ibang nakakainis na nagawa mong katawa-tawa.
    keep on writing!

    Like

    Reply
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