SHOCK


PRESIDENT NOYNOY AQUINO says his State of the Nation Address will “shock” Filipinos… a majority of whom have yet to recover from the shock of his victory.

President Aquino warned that his SONA would “shock” every Filipino… except for Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and her former cabinet.

Presidential Communications Group member Ricky Carandang says President Aquino’s SONA will be 20-minute long… or even longer, depending on Mrs. Arroyo’s threshold for shame.

President Aquino said the first draft of his speech was 24 pages long, single-spaced and with a font size of 16 points. He also used his favorite font, Comic Sans.

The first State of the Nation Address of President Aquino will be in Filipino. The original plan was to write it in English… but President Aquino complained he couldn’t find a direct English translation for “wangwang.”

According to President Aquino, the fifth draft of his speech is down to 15 pages, and would probably take 30 minutes to read… or maybe 40, if they push through with the initial plan of including a cigarette break.

Ricky Carandang was quoted to have said that the initial draft of President Aquino’s speech reached 30 pages. And that’s just for his acknowledgment of the presence of all Abads in government!

President Aquino’s speech on Monday will reportedly focus on two things: the good intentions of the Aquino government, and the evils of the Arroyo administration. I wouldn’t be surprised if Conrado De Quiros was consulted by Aquino’s speechwriters.

Palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda says President Aquino’s SONA will expose anomalies in the Arroyo administration. In fact, the President himself said his speech would contain at least five “discoveries” he made when he assumed office… which makes me wonder, why the need for a Truth Commission when the Communications Group is doing the same job?

President Aquino says his speech on Monday is down to 15 pages. The President is all praises for his pool of writers. You know, it’s not easy to write a 15-page speech based on a nine-year long material.

Busted: Tomorrow, Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo won’t be present in Congress’ joint session even if it’s her first term. Also expected to not show up is Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson who has started another term – a jail term.

Top 10 Rejected State of the Nation Address (SONA) Opening Lines

No. 10: “Let us offer a minute of silence for the souls of those lawmakers who cannot be with us this afternoon.”

No. 9: “Sa lahat ng nangungulit at nagtatanong, sa Biyernes pa po ang dating ni Kris.”

No. 8: “Mar, pare, I know you’re watching. Miss you ‘tol!”

No. 7: “Kay Senador Antonio Trillanes IV, ipinapangako ko, sa aking susunod na SONA, kasama ka na namin dito.”

No. 6: “We are 30 minutes ahead of schedule. It’s only 3:30. Kaya mga kaibigan, would you please welcome, ang aking idolo… Mr. Noel Cabangon!”

No. 5: “Guard, make sure na hindi makakalapit si Sharon Cuneta kay Senator Sotto.”

No. 4: “Ang hindi papalakpak, babawasan ang pork barrel!”

No. 3: “Lahat ng dumalo ngayong hapong ito ay mag-uuwi ng Chicken McNuggets meal courtesy of Pagcor!’

No. 2: “After ng aking SONA, walang street party, walang free concert, walang budget!”

And the No. 1 rejected State of the Nation Address opening line…

“Magandang balita mga kababayan! Natukoy na po ang may kasalanan sa kakulangan ng tubig sa Angat Dam; sa nag-leak na gasolina sa West Tower condominium sa Makati City, at sa hiwalayang James Yap at Kris Aquino. Walang iba kundi ang dating pangulo, si Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo!”
———————-
“Promises are like babies: easy to make, hard to deliver.”
~Author Unknown

Breaking News!
Senator Francis ”Kiko” Pangilinan has withdrawn his bid for the presidency of the Senate. The LP senator said quitting is the best way to ensure unity among senators. It’s also the easiest way to save face.

Sen. Francis Pangilinan has withdrawn his bid for the Senate presidency. Even his party, the Liberal Party has reportedly conceded to Senator Enrile. The only person that has yet to concede is Sharon Cuneta.

Chavit Says
Ilocos Sur Governor Luis “Chavit” Singson told ABS-CBN News his son Ronald, a congressman could have been influenced (“nasulsulan”) to using drugs particularly cocaine resulting in his July 11 arrest in Hong Kong. Nasulsulan? Ronald is 41 years old. He’s a congressman. Nasulsulan? Dalawa lang ‘yan. Either he’s a drug user… or tanga.

Survey Says
Your take on the Comelec’s decision allowing Mikey Arroyo to sit as a member of Congress:
-Fair naman. Naaayon sa batas. 6%
-Lokohan na ‘to! Maling-mali ang desisyon na ‘yan! 87%
-Wala akong pakialam. 7%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Have a great week ahead. See you in Congress!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

71 thoughts on “SHOCK”

  1. “The first State of the Nation Address of President Aquino will be in Filipino. The original plan was to write it in English… but President Aquino complained he couldn’t find a direct English translation for “wangwang.””

    PH, a “wang” is slang for the male sex organ. So depending on preference, you can choose your combo, i.e. “dickdick” etc. etc.

    Pick your poison. LOL

    Like

    1. wangwang is an onomatopoeic word. its meaning is similar to the sound of the word it describes. e.g. ping ping, whoosh, pssst…

      In Thai, they have this this funny word “Faichek” for lighter. Its somewhat onomatopoeic because the term comes from the word “fire” and the “chik” sound when one clicks a lighter.

      Like

    1. uy wag ka ganyan, sabi nung kapatid nya wag daw natin husgahan agad ang kapatid nila at dahil hindi daw natin ito kilala at nasasaktan daw sila! tama nga naman, mas kilala nila ang kapatid nila, ADIK talga! Mga paksyet sila! Sana nga may caning ba tawag dun?! Para may congressman tayong na cane sa hong kong! make us proud Ronald!!! wahaha! tingnan natin ang galing ng phil govt maglabas ng isang congressman sa hongkong!

      Like

    1. @Tessa…Ganyan dati ang attitude ng mga Filipino noong panahon ni Gloria…handa laging kontrahin ang mga pinagsasasabi ni GMA sa SONA kasi puro mga kasinunghalungan. Ngayon naman, karamihan ng mga Filipino, at least 80% na may tiwala kay P Noy, ay nananabik na mapakinggan ang sasabihin niya sa SONA. The people are genuinely curious to find out what state our country is in right now. Di mo nga lang napapansin kasi napag-iwanan ka na ng panahon. Di ka ba nagpapasalamat, wala na sa buhay natin si Gloria? Yung damages na lang ng kanyang pananalasa ang naiwan. Andun na siya sa piling ng mga Kapampangan.

      Like

    1. let me guess, coz you failed to do your homework and you might get a slap in the behind from your teacher. lolz. seriously, you want to rant on not having to enjoy another extended weekend. unethical is when contractual employees don’t earn a day’s wage kase di sila pinapasok ng boss nila dahil double pay pag holiday.

      suggest you watch the news later, am sure the text of the sona will remain the same, me bonus ka pang commentaries.

      peace!

      Like

  2. Di pala masyado nakakatawa pag supporter ka nung tinitirada ni PH. Sa tagal ko nang binabasa itong blog na to, ngayon lang ako medyo tinatabangan. Ang pakiramdam kasi ko medyo easy lang muna kay Noy kasi kauupo pa lang. Honeymoon kumbaga.

    Kita naman natin na desidido yung mama na gumawa ng mabuti diba? Kelan ba tayo huling nakaramdam ng ganun sa isang bagong-halal na pangulo natin? Dun lang sa punto na yun, dapat siguro kundi man respetuhin e wag na muna sana siyang gawing katatawanan — hanggat hindi pa tapos ang honeymoon o hindi pa nakakagawa ng kapalpakan o kawalanghiyaan, kung ano ang mauna. Sa ganang akin lang.

    Like

    1. Sa laki nga buhis na binabayan natin at sa mga batikos nya sa dating adminsrasyon, dapat performance level agad ipakita niya. Kung may kabobohan, dapat lang banatan kasi we are paying him to do his job and he enthusiastically campaigned to get this job. Panindigan nya and pinsukan nya gilang isang lalaki

      Like

  3. Hi PH, ano reaksyon mo sa P-Noy’s statement: “ang nakikialam, puro salita, pero ang
    nakikibahagi, gumagawa”. Does PNOY think “heckling” is nakikialam or gumagawa? 🙂

    34 applauses in 36 minutes pero hindi ko na pansin ang standing ovations at luke warm ang applause. Hindi kaya sign ito na malungkot ang mga nasa loob nung SONA dahil unti unti na mawawala mga raket nila?

    Like

  4. Kakatuwa din ang latest update na tatlo lang ang absent sa mga congressman.

    GMA dahil sa pag sama sa asawa sa HK.
    Ronald Singson dahil sa kaso sa HK.
    Jules Ledesma. Dont know where he is pero he is just keeping up with his reputation as the most tardy congressman in the last congress. 🙂 Masisi ba natin si Jules he just want to be with his superhot wifey? No “insertion jokes ” please :))

    Like

  5. 2 cents:

    1. The president exposed almost everything that’s at hand. Yan ang totoong meaning ng “State of the Nation Address”. Ang tunay na estado at kinaluluklukan ng bansa sa pangkasalukuyan. Ngayon, ang kampo ni Gloria ay pilit na sinasagot lahat ng katarantaduhan na ginawa nila. Sino ngayon ang mas paniniwalaan mo, ang kasalukuyang presidente na hangad lamang ay maisaayos ang bansa o ang mga galamay ng dating president na nagsabi na “I am shorry..”??
    2. Punyeta ka Mikey Arroyo! Manahimik ka hind*t ka! Leche!

    Like

  6. The irony of this thing called life.

    November 14, 2007
    BILL ON DRUGS FILED

    A young solon from the Ilocos region filed a bill which seeks the immediate disposal and destruction of confiscated, seized, or surrendered dangerous drugs and paraphernalia to safeguard the well-being of the citizenry particularly the youth, from the harmful effect of dangerous drugs.

    In his bill, Congressman Ronald V. Singson of the first district of Ilocos Sur cited that “dangerous drugs are one of today’s most serious social ills. The illegal drug menace is now considered public enemy number one and poses a grave threat to the nation’s survival and security.”

    The young lawmaker added that “illegal drugs has alarmingly penetrated almost all sectors of society including government offices, businesses, and even law enforcement agencies and fears that it would only take a little time before the dilemma would be out of control.”

    Singson pointed out that in many instances, confiscated drugs are recycled to the market by erring lawmen, which his House Bill 2696 aims to correct.

    Singson explained that “one way to strengthen the government’s program to prevent the spread of drugs is to immediately destroy them lest they be recycled back into the wrong hands.” – mula sa site mismo ni CONG. RONALD SINGSON

    Bonggaciousness, diva mga Ateh?

    Like

  7. November 14, 2007
    BILL ON DRUGS FILED

    A young solon from the Ilocos region filed a bill which seeks the immediate disposal and destruction of confiscated, seized, or surrendered dangerous drugs and paraphernalia to safeguard the well-being of the citizenry particularly the youth, from the harmful effect of dangerous drugs.

    In his bill, Congressman Ronald V. Singson of the first district of Ilocos Sur cited that “dangerous drugs are one of today’s most serious social ills. The illegal drug menace is now considered public enemy number one and poses a grave threat to the nation’s survival and security.”

    The young lawmaker added that “illegal drugs has alarmingly penetrated almost all sectors of society including government offices, businesses, and even law enforcement agencies and fears that it would only take a little time before the dilemma would be out of control.”

    Singson pointed out that in many instances, confiscated drugs are recycled to the market by erring lawmen, which his House Bill 2696 aims to correct.

    Singson explained that “one way to strengthen the government’s program to prevent the spread of drugs is to immediately destroy them lest they be recycled back into the wrong hands.”

    Like

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