THE INAUGURAL


Highlights
Benigno Simeon ‘Noynoy’ Aquino III is now the 15th president of the Republic of the Philippines. God saved the Philippines from Joseph Estrada!

During his inaugural address, President Noynoy Aquino asked “Kayo ba ay minsan ring nalimutan ng pamahalaang inyong iniluklok sa puwesto? Ako rin. Kayo ba ay nagtiis na sa trapiko para lamang masingitan ng isang naghahari-hariang de-wangwang sa kalsada? Ako rin. Kayo ba ay sawang-sawa na sa pamahalaang sa halip na magsilbi sa taumbayan ay kailangan pa nila itong pagpasensiyahan at tiisin? Ako rin. Kayo ba ay nakaligo na sa dagat ng basura? Kayo ba ay namatayan na ng kapatid dahil walang pampagamot? Ay, teka lang. Sensya na, mali ho yatang speech ang nabasa ko.”

In his inaugural speech, President Aquino said, “To those who are talking about reconciliation… we have this to say: there can be no reconciliation without justice.” Suddenly, his newly-separated sister Kris Aquino rose from her seat and shouted, “Kerrrrek!”

President Noynoy Aquino in his speech promised to eradicate ‘kotong’ – totally surprising the 3,000 cops that were deployed to secure his inauguration who thought he was their ally.


Speaking before half a million Filipinos, President Benigno Simeon Aquino III said, “Walang lamangan, walang padrino at walang pagnanakaw.” In straightforward terms, Ramos, Estrada, and Arroyo.

During his inaugural address, President Aquino said, “Sa paglimot ng pagkakasala, sinisigurado mong mauulit muli ang mga pagkakasalang ito.” And then Kris Aquino stood yet again and yelled, “May tama ka!”

The new president added, “Kayo ang boss ko, kaya’t hindi maaaring hindi ako makinig sa mga utos ninyo,” to which Vice President Jejomar Binay said, “Promise?”


Jejomar Cabauatan Binay also took his oath as the country’s vice president Wednesday. Analysts noted though that President-elect Noynoy Aquino and outgoing President Arroyo arrived at the Quirino Grandstand ahead of him calling it a “breach of protocol.” But for Binay loyalists, it’s a “come from behind.”

President Noynoy Aquino also said, “Sa mga nang-api sa akin, kaya ko kayong patawarin, at pinapatawad ko na kayo.” Finally, a sigh of relief for the black propaganda team of the Nacionalista Party.

President Aquino opened his speech by acknowledging East Timor President Jose Ramos Horta, former president Fidel Ramos, the Senate President and the House Speaker… prompting actress Susan Roces to note that “Chief Justice Renato Corona was snubbed… not once but twice!”

President Aquino’s 23-minute inaugural speech was praised for being clear, straight to the point, sincere, pragmatic and most importantly, for not borrowing a single line from the speeches of Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Conan O’Brien and JK Rowling.

Light Bites
Obama: “Yes, we can!”
Noynoy: “No, wang-wang!”


Sidelights
From Times Street, incoming President Noynoy Aquino picked up outgoing President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo at Malacañang Palace. Noynoy felt really awkward… mainly because he’s not used to picking up women in broad daylight.

When Noynoy Aquino finally met Mrs. Arroyo face to face at the palace, he was tongue-tied and didn’t know what to say. After a brief moment of awkward silence, Noynoy finally blurted out, “Who are you wearing?”

Police say the crowd at the Quirino Grandstand peaked at 600,000 during the actual oath taking of President Noynoy Aquino at noon Wednesday. In fact, Noynoy was so overwhelmed by the huge crowd, he ended his speech by shouting, “Amen! Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!”

During the inaugural, Noynoy Aquino was the top trending topic on Twitter. Not to be outdone, Jejomar Binay was the No. 1 topic… in the Roxas household.

Former senator and defeated vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas was a no-show at Noynoy Aquino’s inauguration. It was understandable though because Roxas had to attend the burial… of his presidential ambitions.

In the evening, President Aquino went to the street party at the Quezon Memorial Circle where he sang Freddie Aguilar’s ‘90s hit Estudyante Blues. The first line of the song goes, “Si Ramos ang nakikita, Si Erap ang nasisisi, si Gloria ang laging may kasalanan!”


International singing sensation Charice Pempengco sang the Philippine National Anthem at President Aquino’s inauguration. Before the hosts called on Charice to sing, people at the Quirino Grandstand were visibly nervous… because Christian Bautista was also there.

Praises were heaped on Charice Pempengco for singing the national anthem correctly… to the chagrin of National Historical Institute** officials who were hoping to be interviewed on camera again had Charice bungled it.
**NHI was recently renamed National Historical Commission of the Philippines.

Regine Velasquez sang the melodramatic campaign song “Hindi Ka Nag-iisa,” the song used in Noynoy Aquino’s first music video that featured an all-star cast. Everyone in that video was present at the inaugural… except for James Yap.

The University of the Philippines-based Philippine Madrigal Singers and DLSU’s Kundirana also performed at the inaugural… eliciting a howl from the Ateneo community who accused the organizers of bias for not inviting the Ateneo Glee Club.

Did you see Jim Paredes’ co-host during the inauguration? FYI: That’s the very talented Mae Paner a.k.a. Juana Change, not Sharon Cuneta. ‘Sinlaki pero ‘di ‘sing mahal.

Reports say Sharon Cuneta wore a ‘recycled’ Fanny Serrano gown because there wasn’t enough time to finish a new gown. These days, a Sharon Cuneta gown requires at least three months to finish.

Another performer, Gary Valenciano was ecstatic. He quipped that “all sorts of Ks are here today: Kapamilya, Kapuso, Kapatid, Kabayan, Kaibigan and Kundirana.” And then from afar, he saw Mrs. Arroyo, a kawatan.

In Other News…
Immediately after turning over the presidency to Noynoy Aquino, Mrs. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo hurriedly left for Pampanga. She had to rush to Lubao to personally pick the winning numbers in the special Inauguration Day jueteng draw.

Noli De Castro’s term is over. Kabayan said he has served his country well and added that he’s not afraid to face the Truth Commission (if requested) since he had nothing to hide and he didn’t hide anything – except for one thing – he didn’t tell us that he was the country’s vice president for six years.

Photo of the Weak

GMA: “Shobra ka naman Preshident-elect. ‘Di pa nga ‘ko nakakaalish ng palashyo, may Truth Commisshion ka na agad. Can we discussh it firssht over dinner? Pleassshe?”
Noynoy: “Manong driver, may lighter ho kayo. Nakaka-tense dito. Yosi muna ako.”
———————————
“We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.”
~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Survey Says
Gusto n’yo bang magkabalikan sina First Sister Kris Aquino at First Brother-in-Law James Yap?
YES! For the sake of their kid. 12.4%
No! Bakit pa? 25.4%
Hmpf! Pakialam ko! 62.2%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
Mabuhay ang bagong pangulo at bagong pangalawang pangulo ng bansa!
Padayon!

Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

66 thoughts on “THE INAUGURAL”

    1. noel cabangon’s singing “panapanahon…” plagiarized erap’s “weather weather lang”.
      the organizers were obviously trying to extend the program in time for the president’s noontime oath taking. the singer took his sweet time and when time came for the oath taking, parang minadali na. nung mag oath si VP Binay naging “saguisag” na ang “sigasig” kasi yun ang sabi ni justice. i thought i hear Pnoy say “lalo nating paiigtingin ang connection sa BIR”. did he mean “collection” and i didn’t hear it right?

      Like

  1. sino ba ang nag-design ng gown ni Charice??? Lupet naman sa bata…buti na lang ang tibay ng boses. Bigay daw ni Kristeta? Sana siya na lang ang nagsuot. Nambiktima pa! Baka binigay sa kanya actually! I recall those clothes worn by Cory when she was president—gross! When she gave her state of the nation speeches, I was not hearing anything of what she was saying just because of those her tacky clothes! Buti na lang lalake si Noynoy kundi naka Snow-white outfit din.

    Like

  2. wag na nga kasi tayong magtaka pa kay Kristeta, siya na lang naman kasi ang di nakakaalam na kulang siya sa pansin.

    Kita mo nga ang suot, siya lang ang naiiba sa mga shufatid na girlalu ni Penoy. Sabi nga ni Miss Chuvaness, pinagmukha niyang mga bridesmaids ang kanyang mga sister act!

    At ang kanyang fez, shumangot cum lungkot daw ever, paawa effect sa mga utaw; para nga naman kay fafa James na naman mabaling ang sisi, knowing na sabi sa news eh nangako daw itong si fafa James kay Penoy na darating siya sa Luneta, tapos wa sa pagka-afir!

    Sa true lang, hanggang ngayon, sing pa rin si Tita Cory in high heavens ng “Saan, saan ako nagkamali?”

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  3. Nahawi na ang ulap ng mga bangungot
    Na sa bawat araw noon ay ngitngit ang dulot
    Napawi na ang lambong ng naghaharingimbot
    Ang silay ng pag-asa’y pumawi sa lungkot
    Papaglulubagin ang kimkim na poot.

    Ngayon ay aliwalas na ating papawirin
    May hatid na sigla ang amihang hangin
    Bigkis ng pagkakaisa sa bawat layunin
    Paghahawak kamay sa anumang naiisin
    Tanda ng pagbubuklod ng ating damdamin.

    Pagkakapantay pantay ay bigyang puwang na
    Iwaksi ang masamang ugaling minana
    Bago nating punahin ang dusing ng iba
    Tahilan ay alisin sa sariling mata
    Ang sariling dungis ang linisin muna.
    Ang panibagong yugto nitong kasaysayan
    Ay isulat nating may baong pag-asam
    Pagkatapos ng singkad na dusta’t pag-uyam
    Huwag hayaan muling sukab ay mangibabaw
    Lupigin ang anumang tangka ng gahaman.

    Alalahaning mahusay manlinlang ang diyablo
    Gayundin ang isinumpang mga anti-Kristo
    Silang mga sugo ng hari ng tukso
    Sadyang pagkawasak hatid ng delubyo
    Pang-akit ay bitag sa pagbabalatkayo.

    Ating gawing aral ang masasamang gawi
    Ng sa ati’y luminlang na mapagkunwari
    Huwag muling padadala sa huwad na ngiti
    Sa kaway ng malikmata ay patibayin lagi
    Kalasag na pagsugpo sa layon ng imbi.

    Nagkalat na tukso sa likulikong daan
    Mga nag-aanyong tupang animo ay banal
    Katulad ng hiyas na may ningning at kinang
    Ikinukubli ang iwing kamandag na taglay
    Na hindi maitatago sa likod ng malay.

    Ito ang siya ngayong layuning puksain
    Ng sa ati’y dumulog at humawi ng dilim
    Lahat ng upasala’y nagawang tawirin
    Pagyukod sa unday ng sukab at sakim
    Hinarap n’yang matatag at ng buong giting.

    Narito na ngayon sa atin ay nanunumpa
    Upang siya ang mangunang supilin ang lisya
    Masisinag sa kanyang pagpapakumbaba
    Ang masidhing layon sa pakikibaka
    Samasamang pag-ahon sa pagdaralita.

    Kaya nga ating bigyang pansin ang paghibik
    Tawag ng pagbabagong kanyang inilalapit
    Paunlakan ang hamon ng masidhing nais
    Magdaop palad tayo’t mangagkapit bisig
    Upang mithing pagbangon ay ating makamit.

    Ipagpapalit na natin sa mumurahing tanso
    Ang kinang na taglay ng nakaw na ginto
    Salat man sa rangya kung linis ng puso
    Tanggaping marapat ang alay pagsamo
    Ng dinusta nila’t itinuring na sinto!

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  4. PH nice job again really satisfying quotes. My unsolicited advise to P-Noy since you have finished your speech I think now is the time to prove to the people that entrust their votes to you that you have to start working and do not forget they are watching you and expecting that you will deliver a good production of your accomplishment for the first 100 days. God bless you.

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  5. Bwahaahaahahaaaaa As usual dami na namng KISSASS dito! ang OA mag react sa mga tirades…kahit di naman nakakatawa. Nangingisay at nagtutuwad kuno ang drama sa kakatawa. Halatang KISSASS for whatever reason. Bwahahahaha……
    O, mister hecler, delete mo na. This post wont see the light of day anyway…..

    Like

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