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ITO ANG SIMULA

29 06 2010


President Noynoy Aquino’s Inaugural Speech:
Top 15 Rejected Opening Lines

No. 15: “I’d like to acknowledge the presence of my brother-in-law, James Yap. ‘Tol, kaya mo ‘yan!”

No. 14: “Now, for the most awaited part of my speech… drum roll please. And the DILG portfolio goes to…”

No. 13: “To all the girls I’ve loved before, ‘kala n’yo huh! Eat your hearts out!”

No. 12: “(Pssst! James! James! ‘Yun o! Third row, second from left. ‘Yung naka-sleeveless na yellow at white mini-skirt. Sexy! Kunin mo naman ‘yung number.)”

No. 11: “Gusto n’yo bang kumanta ako tonight sa street party? Gusto n’yo ba?! Wala akong marinig! Gusto n’yo bang kumanta ako tonight sa street party?!”

No. 10: “Hindi po totoong break na kami ni Shalani. Sa katunayan, nandito po siya ngayon. Ayun o! I love you Cupcake!”

No. 9: “Katulad po ng aking naipangako noong kampanya, pag-iisahin ko ang ating bayan. At bilang simula sa pagtupad sa pangakong ‘yan…. please welcome on stage, Sen. Manny Villar to draw the names of five lucky guests who shall win a house and lot each!”

No. 8: “I’d like to take this opportunity to clarify some things about the status of my lovelife. But first, thank you Kuya Noy for allowing me to speak here. You’re so bait talaga, promise.”

No. 7: “Opo, handang-handa na akong palaguin ang kita ng ating pamahalaan. Kayo po? Handa na ba kayo sa 15 percent na E-VAT?”

No. 6: “I’d like to thank Paul Cabral for my outfit and Bambi Fuentes for my hair and make up.”

No. 5: “Kasi naman eh! Bakit ‘di n’yo agad sinabing ‘No Smoking’ area ‘to?!?”

No. 4: “Everyone, your attention please! See that person beside Mar? Let me say this again. I did NOThave sexual relations with that woman!”

No. 3: “Mga kababayan… gusto n’yo bang magkabalikan sina Kris at James?”

No. 2: “Let’s have a roll call first. Hyatt 10? (Present!) The Firm? (Here!) Kamag-anak Incorporated? (Nandito! Kumpleto ulit!)”

And the No. 1 rejected opening line of Noynoy Aquino’s inaugural speech…

“Hello mic test, mic test?! Para sa ikakapanatag ng loob nating lahat: Team Roxas, please occupy the left side of the field. Team Binay, go to the right side. Thank you!”
———————————–
“Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.”
~Alfred E. Neuman


Light Bites
Have you seen the Noynoy Aquino inauguration souvenir miniature dolls? I just heard the wife of a losing VP candidate has bought a dozen… plus a set of needles.

Survey Says…
If you were Chief Justice Renato Corona, would you attend Noynoy’s inauguration?
SURE, why not? 42%
NO, thanks. 47%
Let me think about it. 11%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
Catch Usapang De Campanilla with Alvin Elchico and Lynda Jumilla on dzMM, nightly@8.

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43 responses

29 06 2010
Eize

I have a feeling #8 is the most likely…

Pag #4, magiging Prez kaagad si Binay.

Like

29 06 2010
jp_vivazcomp

Astig..

Like

29 06 2010
john

PANALO PH!!! 😀

Like

29 06 2010
john

katakot naman ang light bites mo PH! 😀

Like

29 06 2010
boglers

galing mo tlga PH! Ur blog never fails to make me laugh!

Like

29 06 2010
edong_makabayan

lab it…panalo ka talaga

Like

29 06 2010
jaypee w.

No. 4: “Everyone, your attention please! See that person beside Mar? Let me say this again. I did NOThave INSERTIONS with that woman!

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29 06 2010
monica

wag nawang mangyari ang number 8 haha! oh please huh! wala sanang ganung eksena! haha!

Like

29 06 2010
miss_jinx81

“I just heard the wife of a losing VP candidate has bought a dozen… plus a set of needles.”
– ampalaya? lol!

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30 06 2010
Belisema

ndi ako nagtataka…dhil parang manika tlaga ng makukulam ang noy’s doll 😀

Like

29 06 2010
Del

PH, ano assessment mo ke alvin elchico? Bading ba siya? Nakita ko siya sa shell minsan, bali ang kamay, hehehe

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30 06 2010
Brixter

Bakit hindi panot yung Noynoysouveneir dolls saka walang nakapasak na yosi. Hindi naman realistic!

Like

30 06 2010
Belisema

at kung sakto tlaga sa histura ni noy ang doll..bka pagdala2 mo yun, mapagka-malan ka pang makukulam 😀

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30 06 2010
mimi

I just heard the wife of a losing VP candidate has bought a dozen… plus a set of needles

kulamin daw ba. haha

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30 06 2010
eufems

BENTA!

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30 06 2010
eufems

May live coverage din ba, kuya PH?

Like

30 06 2010
Marge

Ay naku – your writing makes me laugh so much! Thanks again for another hilarious entry – you need your own show!

Like

30 06 2010
foxy

Grabe! Bakit ang daming hair nung Noynoy doll? Hindi realistic! Bwahahaha

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30 06 2010
BAROK

I like all!

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30 06 2010
jo

hindi si bambi fuentes ang hair and makeup ni noy. si juan sarte yun.

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30 06 2010
timpaul

hindi realistic yung noynoy doll. Parang male version ni betty boop.

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30 06 2010
reviewer22

Precious moments dolls. LOL! Mas makapal ang buhok kaya hindi realistic. :))

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30 06 2010
Poppy Fields

Kung realistic dolls ang gusto, dapat nag-repaint/redecor na na lang ng Homer Simpson 🙂

Like

30 06 2010
Poppy Fields

BTW, wala bang life size doll na Shalani? 😀

Like

30 06 2010
timpaul

prof, sana naman pagbigyan mo na ito (hindi natin napakinggan mga answering machines ng mga losing presidential candidates) . May 10 exchanges daw ang dalawang pasahero na naoverhear nang limo driver kanina.

Like

30 06 2010
professionalheckler

nasulat ka na sa facebook status ko kanina eh. marami nang nakabasa.

Like

30 06 2010
stalker

walang kupas ka talaga PH! hahahahaha galeng galeng!!!!!

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30 06 2010
mbw

hahahahahaha! talbog mo pa yata ang one-liners ni Willie nepomuceno !!!

Like

30 06 2010
walkingaway

Meron mang magandang nagawa ang pagiging presidente ni AbNoy… ang pag-alis ni Kris sa TV. Woohoo!

Like

30 06 2010
reviewer22

Awkward moment during the inauguration: Noynoy swears in as president but the angle of the camera doesn’t include the associate justice. Instead, chief justice Corona is in the middle of the background.

The inauguration started early, leaving the organizers trying to fill in the gaps before 12 noon. Noel Cabangon tried to do a mini concert. I was expecting Noy to ask for a 15 minute smoking break. :))

Like

30 06 2010
Lynda Jumilla

kapal naman ng hair nung doll. baka naman si josh yan 😉

thanks for the plug, heckler. with matching pics pa. mwah!

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1 07 2010
Noynoy

Sobra ka naman Lynda…walang ganyanan!

Like

30 06 2010
TOMADOR

hahaha panalo!!!

Pero syempre MASAYA!!!! its official baby! yeah!

Like

1 07 2010
Extra!

Hey prof, whats with usapang decampamilla? Honestly I think Lynda is a glorified palenkera without any manners. Sorry man but she sucks as much as koring does

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1 07 2010
irropoi

di dpt ung yaya ang sinabutn ni baby james,
dpt yata ung mommy nya sbunutn!!!
“mommy,ikw ang may kasalanan kung bkit t u
iniwan ni daddy!!!sobrang taklesa mo k c!!! sn
nmn tumigil k n s pg kukwento s public ng mga
nangyyri s loob ng house natin…”

smart boy…

Like

1 07 2010
senior60

@ worried pinoy

o ayan ha, pagkatapos natin marinig inaugural speech

ni noynoy siguro naman hindi mo na itutuloy ang masama

mong balak na mangibang bansa…

Like

1 07 2010
kokok

“Sa lahat ng mga nang-api sa akin, napatawad ko na kayo.”

in other words:

“sa lahat ng mga tumawag sa akin ng “Cooper” sa school noon, napatawad ko na kayo.”

Like

1 07 2010
Worried Pinoy

I hope Pnoy can walk the talk…

Like

1 07 2010
JR Lopez Gonzales

Hindi mukhang Noynoy ‘yung doll. Hai naku. True, mukhang si Josh. Hahaha.

Like

1 07 2010
Regina

Astig ang number 9!

Like

2 07 2010
Adrian

hahaha ang kulit nga nung number 9.

Like

2 07 2010
Tweets that mention ITO ANG SIMULA « The Professional Heckler -- Topsy.com

[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Ody Patron, Mark Anthony Dizon. Mark Anthony Dizon said: Pres. Noy's Inaugural Speech: TOP 15 REJECTED OPENING LINES. LOL! =) https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/2010/06/29/ito-ang-simula/ […]

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8 07 2010
Anonymous

di halatang bitter ah…move na kasi mga losers…tsk! tsk! tsk!

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