MAR OH MAR!


NOYNOY AQUINO and Jejomar Binay topped ABS-CBN and Pulse Asia’s exit polls. Mar Roxas is now thinking of a ‘gracepoll’ exit.

But another report says, until the last vote is counted, Mar Roxas will not concede the vice presidency… and Korina Sanchez will not concede to Dr. Ellen B.

Happy Birthday!
Sen. Mar Roxas is celebrating his 53rd birthday today, May 13. This morning, he got the surprise of his life when Korina Sanchez blew his candle.

Rumors say Mar Roxas wants to invite everyone, including his political enemies to a Tom and Jerry-themed party. Roxas wants to play Tom, Binay will be the Jerry.

But his wife Korina insists on having a cowboy-themed celebration. She can’t wait to shoot Chiz Escudero.

Korina has also rejected another suggestion to have a Batibot-inspired party. She really hates Kiko Matsing.

Doňa Judy Araneta-Roxas has another idea though. She wants her son to invite Nanay Curing Villar for a Barney and Friends Birthday Party. You know, dinosaurs.

Why, even the newest Liberal, Joey Salceda has a suggestion – an X-Men themed event!

Several Iglesia ni Cristo members have confirmed attendance to Mar Roxas’ party. But the INC members will bring just one common gift for him.

Loren Legarda will also attend the party. But before accepting the invitation, she made sure that ABS-CBN is not covering it live and no Wireless Audience Response System will be used during the event.

Unconfirmed reports say Inquirer’s Conrado De Quiros has been invited to speak at the birthday party. So expect the columnist to endorse Roxas in the next elections.

You know who else is celebrating his birthday today? Robert Pattinson. Yeah, sharing the same birthday today are Robert Pattinson and Mar Roxas – one whose career was launched via ‘Twilight’ and another who’s in the twilight of his career.

Top 10 Birthday Messages Left on Sen. Mar Roxas’ Answering Machine

No. 10: “Hi Senator, this is TJ Manotoc. I have good news on your birthday. Got two complimentary tix here for the repeat concert of Tears for Fears. Would you like to watch the show with Korina?”

No. 9: “Mar, si Loren ‘to. Ayaw ko nang makipagplastikan. Prangkahan na. Kung malungkot ka sa iyong birthday dahil nakakalamang si Binay, ako hindi. Masayang-masaya ako for Mayor Binay. At ito ang tandaan mo: kung kay Noli De Castro, never akong nag-concede, lalong hindi sa ‘yo!”

No. 8: “Isang mainit na pagbati sa iyong kaarawan Senador Roxas! Si Chiz Escudero ito. Ilang tulog na lang, 2016 na. Handa ka na ba?”

No. 7: “Hello Manuel! This is your Tita Gloria Angara. Your Tito Edong is sending his warm birthday greetings to you! Pero maiba ako iho. Sino ‘yung nag-iwan ng message No. 9 sa ‘taas? Ang bitter naman ng babaeng ‘yun. Hindi maka-move on!”

No. 6: “Mar, kumusta? Si Erap ‘to. ‘Wag kang malungkot. Birthday na birthday mo pa naman. Alam mo ba ang regalo ko sa ‘yo? Sssssssh, ‘wag kang maingay. Atin-atin lang ‘to. ‘Yung bise presidente ko… walang B! Walang “boto” mula sa ‘kin! Ayos ba?”

No. 5: “eOw poh sEnAdOR! kMi p0Wh ANG mgA jejeMOn Ng eaSt RemBo, Mkti cItY P0wh.~ ky BiNay,~ gGNDA aNG buHay L0lZ! mAligYng Bati na Rin~ pow! JEjej3!

No. 4: “Birthday greetings Senator Roxas! Thank you so much for the support! Kung ‘di po dahil sa inyo noon, wala sana ako ngayon. Nagmamahal, EVAT Law.”

No. 3: “Mar, partner, si Noy ‘to. Happy birthday ‘tol! ‘Wag kang mag-alala. Magtutulungan pa rin tayo para sa bayan dude. Kung matalo ka man, nandito pa rin ako pare. Remember, I’m still single. Since wala naman akong First Lady, baka interesado kang maging First Gentleman o kaya First Best Friend. Basta walang malisya bro.”

No. 2: “Hon, alam ko birthday mo. Pero, bakit?!? Bakiiiiiiiiiiit?!? Ano ang kasalanan ko sa Itaas at pinaparusahan ako ng ganito katindi? I took a leave from my freakin’ job. Sinagot kita! Ipinagtanggol kita! Pinakasalan kita! Sinipingan pa nga kita kahit medyo… eww! Pero bakit? Kulang pa ba ang mga sakripisyo kong ito?”

And the No.1 birthday message left on Sen. Mar Roxas’ answering machine…

“Hi Marrrrrrrrrr! This is Krissy! Gosh! It’s your birthday pala today! I almost forgot. Mabuti na lang, Tito Jojo Binay reminded me about it over dinner last night! Gosh, this is so embarrassing! Forgetful na talaga ang lola mo, pasensya na! Anyway, happy, happy birthday and I sincerely wish na ma-enjoy mo ang ‘yong pagiging ordinary citizen. Pakisabi kay Tita Koring, I miss her. Well, slight. Gosh! She won’t be Second Lady nga pala noh? How saaaaad! Bye, bye for now! I need to go. Oh my! Baby James, ano ba! ‘Wag mong dilaan ‘yang Villar bracelet. That’s dirty! Gosh this kid!”

In Other News…
Former Lakas stalwart-turned-Noynoy Aquino supporter Joey “She’s a lucky bitch” Salceda was re-elected governor of Albay. Sought for comment on his victory, Salceda blurted out, “Ay! Winner! Nilampaso ko nang bonggang-bongga ang candidate No. 2! As in!”

JC: ‘Not yet Noynoy’
Ang Kapatiran Party standard-bearer JC De Los Reyes has withdrawn his concession to Noynoy Aquino. It takes a lot of guts to do something like that especially if you’re someone who couldn’t even win an election against Vetellano Acosta.

Lani in the House!
Actress Lani Mercado is now a lawmaker. Can you believe it? Well, I can’t. Sampalin n’yo ko! Sampalin n’yo ko!

Lani Mercado has been elected congresswoman in Cavite. She will represent the province’ district 2 – the country’s congressional district with the second highest number of masochists next only to Saranggani.

Critics Proven Wrong
Philippine Daily Inquirer columnist and Noynoy Aquino endorser Conrado De Quiros, and activist lawyer Harry Roque – two of the most prominent poll automation naysayers (who doubted the capabilities of both the Comelec and Smartmatic) admitted that they have been proven wrong as the May 10 elections turned out to be a credible and successful exercise. Tinangka ni Professional Heckler na hingan ng pahayag ang dalawa ngunit kapwa sila tumanggi dahil kumakain pa raw sila… ng kanilang mga salita.
—————————–
“You’ve got to learn to survive a defeat. That’s when you develop character.”
~Richard Nixon

Survey Says…
Ano ang masasabi mo sa pangkalahatang proseso ng katatapos na halalan?
Astig! Ang bilis! Sulit ang ipinila ko! 19%
Puwede na. Pero puwede pang ma-improve! 79%
Ibalik sa dati. Manual na lang tayo. 2%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
If you still doubt Iglesia ni Cristo’s ability to vote solidly as a bloc, check out these figures from Rodriguez, Rizal, a known INC stronghold: Here. And here. Another. And one more.

Sheila Coronel for CNN: In the Philippines, clans and guns still rule

Philippine Daily Inquirer: How did the Binay blitzkrieg come about?

Personal
Huli man at magaling, kailangan pa ring sabihin. Huge thanks to broadcast networks for the comprehensive coverage of the elections! Mabuhay kayo mga Kapamilya, Kapatid, Kapuso, at kung sinu-sino pang mga ka-K diyan!

Enjoy the rest of the week!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

95 thoughts on “MAR OH MAR!”

  1. Actress Lani Mercado is now a lawmaker. Can you believe it? Well, I can’t. Sampalin n’yo ko! Sampalin n’yo ko!

    – UMPP!!! UMPP!!! Eto pa sayo… UUMMPPP!!! =)

    daming talagang bobo sa pilipinas. pero ang pinakabobo sa buong mundo, yung mga tao sa Pampanga na bumoto kay gloria. nyeta na yan.

    Like

    1. hmmmm. pero in fairness ha, alam ko, milya milya ang layo ng utak ni lani key bong. if my memory still serves me right, nag 100% yan sa NCEE, the national college entrance exams noon. early marraige to bong cut her scholastic dreams to be a doctor.

      who knows, she will turn out to be a worthy lawmaker now that she has been given the chance to be one.

      Like

  2. “Lani in the House!….Sampalin n’yo ko!” ‘Eto pansampal ko sa’yo: Nangunguna si Bong Revilla sa pagka-Senado!

    Haler, another one about to be proven wrong…. Mukhang patuloy pa rin ang 24 years na walang patid na pagkapanalo ni Binay sa mga eleksyon.

    Kawawa naman talaga si Mar. Noong una, sigurado na sana s’ya sa pagkapangulo, kaso biglang namatay si Tita Cory. Tapos, sigurado na sana s’ya sa pagka-bise presidente, kaso biglang nabuhay si Chiz. Malas lang talaga.

    Thanks again, PH, for your post. G’leng-g’leng talaga!

    Like

  3. e bakit naman itong si erap, kinukwestyon ang 5M botong lamang sa kanya ni nyoy, to date, and worst, type commanduhan ang comelec na itigil as in STOOPP! sa pagbibilang further… eew… confident, as in, believe too much sa sarili? gusto yata dikit, as in madali mag-overtake. he he, me time pa ba? buti nga nasama sya!!!? pakipulsuhan mo nga ph, kung justified or me merit alburuto nya!

    Like

      1. yah true nga..kawawa talaga c Lola Koring!!
        sus!!nag-mamadali nga cxa mag-papakasal kay Lolo Mar para
        magiging 1st Lady hahahaha too BAD!!

        at isa pang mga Artistang nanalo sa pagka SENADOR..eh wala naman cla nagawa sa BAYAN natin,…susssssssmmmee pa CUTE lang ang GinaGwa nila sa Senado!!

        Like

  4. No. 2: “Hon, alam ko birthday mo. Pero, bakit?!? Bakiiiiiiiiiiit?!? Ano ang kasalanan ko sa Itaas at pinaparusahan ako ng ganito katindi? I took a leave from my freakin’ job. Sinagot kita! Ipinagtanggol kita! Pinakasalan kita! Sinipingan pa nga kita kahit medyo… eww! Pero bakit? Kulang pa ba ang mga sakripisyo kong ito?”

    – – – –
    Muntik na akong mahulog sa kakatawa dito sa trabaho ko… buti nalang wala ang mga amo ko …

    Once again… great blog!

    Like

    1. very korek ka dya, irropoi… imagine, #1 & #2 natin, and by the millions at that! very much reflective of our own culture… breeding. eeeh, me breeding nga ba tayo? yung kay noynoy, baka pwede itulog na lang at pwede i-okay na lang. after all, sanay naman tayo sa hit-en-miss. pero yung kay erap… di ba na-hit-en-miss na tayo? mukhang gusto natin replay… tama si ph… sandamakmak tayong bansa ng mga masokista, anoh! ano bang antibiotic klangan natin, para magtanda tayo lahat!

      Like

  5. Re; “Several Iglesia ni Cristo members have confirmed attendance to Mar Roxas’ party. But the INC members will bring just one common gift for him.”

    Hindi rin, PH…. Tig-iisang gift naman sila, paro-pareho nga lang … as in, kung picture frame sa isa, ganun na din sa lahat, de va? 😀

    Like

  6. magtatanong langpo ako..yn po bang ballot na pinasok sa PCOS machine yung flash card nya ang mag reread at mag store ng informaion or ang hardisk mismo ng machine? kasi po di ako masyado marunong sa computerization..kung ang babasa po at mag store ng info e hardisk ibig po ba sabihin meron na naka preset na data yung flash card? pakisagot lang po for information purposes..

    Like

    1. @River Hawk – yung CF card, dyan naka store both yung program ng pagbabasa ng balota tsaka yung data na galing sa binasang balota. Walang hard disk ang PCOS machine.

      I would assume na ang data na naka initialize sa CF card is yung reference data(sinong kandidato ang nasa position 1 ng ballot so on and so forth) but not necessarily data pertaining to a vote or votes for a specific candidate(s). That would be an assumption based on standard IT practice. But of course wala naman may alam saten kung ano ba talaga ang initial data na naka store dun.

      Like

    2. sir river hawk, sa tingin ko lang po, ung pcos machine po ung magsscan at babasa ng mga nasa balota, ung cf card yun po ung parang sim card ng pcos machine na naglalaman ng mga names ng kandidato both national and local at ung positions na hinahangad nila, ung tipong cf card ng baguio iba sa cf card ng davao para sa mga names ng mga tumatakbo sa local. kung may harddisk ang pcos machine, di ko sure kung katulad yun ng hard disk ng pc pero sa tingin ko meron din yun kasi pano nya malalaman kung tampered or invalid ung balota at pano nya itatally at iistore ung result kung walang program sa loob mismo ng machine. di kasi ako techie pero lakas ko makisawsaw hehehe parang ganito kasi tingin ko sa pcos machine, may internal memory (hard disk) para maghandle ng program (operating system), tapos iinsert na lang ung cf card para dun ibabase ung names ng mga candidates at positions nila. kung itinatago sa cf card ung resulta ng tally ng pcos machine di ko sure, malamang pwede, isa sa cf card at isa sa memory ng machine para kung kunwari pumalya or may nangyari sa cf card may background. try nyo po itanong sa comelec or smartmatic, kung ok sa kanila na idiscuss ung specs ng pcos machine hehehe curious lang po ako, san nyo po gagamitin ung information na makukuha nyo? ^^

      Like

  7. river hawk, sorry ha hindi ko rin alam answer, kasi ako
    dapat dahil ako sumunod sa iyo….

    dito lang ako sa new survey ni mister heckler, kasi bakit
    naman hindi tatanggapin ni corona ang appointment, chief
    justice na postion na kaya yun…

    nakakalungkot din na kahit decision na ng supreme court
    hindi na paniniwalaan at tutuparin, so, sino pa ang dapat?

    katulad na lang ng bago nating presidente, yes, si noynoy,
    mas mabuti pa daw kung sa barangay captain sya mag take
    oath, well, go ahead, by all means of communication hahaha
    pwede naman daw, ikaw pa, sinong hahadlang, presidente
    ka na eh….

    tomador, balik ka na, bakasyon grande ka na ha pagkatapos
    manalo manok mo, comment ka muna dito sa sinabi ni binay,
    sabi nya, ” pag ako ang mananalo pagka vice, makatulog ng
    mahimbing si noynoy dahil hindi ko aagawin sa kanya ang
    kanyang trabaho ” or something to that effect, pasensya na
    kung hindi gaano ka eksakto dahil hindi naman ako xerox….

    Like

    1. O lolo, na miss mo ba ako?? bwahahahaha

      Ang punto naman ng poll ni PH is dapat ba talaga tanggapin ni Corona yung CJ position not based on the decision of SC to allow GMA to appoint a new CJ but more on delicadeza. Corona has been known (based on data) that he supported basically all of the issues raised to SC where GMA was the subject matter, roughly 78% of the time he supported GMA while/during his stint as assoc justice. That’s besides the fact na dati syang chief of staff ni GMA nung mag umpisa sya nung 2001. Its a lucrative offer, sino nga ba naman ang tatangi dun considering if Corona accepts his term is up to 2018, longer than the newly elected President. Simply put, he was appointed by GMA for personal reasons.

      As for taking the oath, wala sa saligang batas na dapat sa harapan ng CJ dapat manumpa ang bagong halal na pangulo…its just mere tradition. In fact any position which entails the power of giving out oaths can do the same…and yes even a Barangay Captain. It is a choice, hindi pamba-braso.

      AT yung kay Binay, e di it sends out a clear message that he will support noynoy 100%. It does not get any simpler than that, in spite Binay being somewhat of a shrewd and outspoken leader, nobody can question his loyalty. Please do not confuse yourself with loyalty and faithfulness, the latter I cannot say due to his previous “improper relationships” which he admitted. So I say he is loyal but not faithful 😉

      Like

  8. When will the Filipino people learn to vote wisely and with sincerity? We are already in the 20th century but Filipinos still practice the name recall systems which our dirty politicians have inculcated in their minds and vote for people who have not done anything good for the country. We are hoping that the new administration will be able to do what they have promised during the campaign period.

    I am calling the Filipino people who still believe that our country can still be great again to closely monitor the new administration and be vigilant enough to fiscalize the doings of the HYATT 10 and the KAMAG-ANAK INC.

    Good luck to all of us and God bless.

    Like

  9. tomador

    i know you are just being respectful but if you are not less than
    25 years of age, addressing me senior60 will be perfectly ok,
    kasi, feeling ko kasing uugodugod na ako ni nanay curing na
    hindi pa naman, kaka senior citizen ko nga lang, 5 years ago,
    and yes, na mimiss kita as with some other bloggers here….

    pero ha, ang layo ng interpretation mo sa sinabi ni binay, as in,
    kilometric long, either you misinterpreted it or you refused to
    understand…

    ewan ko lang din ha, kanyakanya din kasi tayo ng interpretation,
    pero parang ang layo naman na napasok ang loyalty and faithfulness
    sa binay statement….

    anyway, a blissful sunday to all of us, mag church tayo ha….

    Like

  10. it seems that the PPCRV and several other poll watchdogs agree with the assessment of the LP that Mar still has a chance of winning the VP race. at first i was a bit doubtful about the pronouncements of the LP. however, after several groups agreed with them, i guess Binay should not count his chickens before they are hatched. I hope nog2x loses out eventually.

    Like

  11. Haha! I just shared this one: “Hi Marrrrrrrrrr! This is Krissy! Gosh! It’s your birthday pala today! I almost forgot. Mabuti na lang, Tito Jojo Binay reminded me about it over dinner last night! Gosh, this is so embarrassing! Forgetful na talaga ang lola mo, pasensya na! Anyway, happy, happy birthday and I sincerely wish na ma-enjoy mo ang ‘yong pagiging ordinary citizen. Pakisabi kay Tita Koring, I miss her. Well, slight. Gosh! She won’t be Second Lady nga pala noh? How saaaaad! Bye, bye for now! I need to go. Oh my! Baby James, ano ba! ‘Wag mong dilaan ‘yang Villar bracelet. That’s dirty! Gosh this kid!”

    Really! Hahaha! I thought you would say: “Oh my! Baby James, ano ba! ‘Wag mong dilaan ‘yang PLASTIC Villar bracelet. That’s dirty! Gosh this kid!”

    Hahahahahaha

    Like

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