HOLY WEAK! 2010


IT’S THAT TIME of the year again. Throngs of province-bound passengers will crowd bus terminals. People will drive in droves to beach resorts. Flaggelants will roam the streets. Catholics will visit churches, and Metro Manila streets will be empty. It’s Holy Week! Leading this year’s solemn observance is the First Gentleman… who is currently in Calvary.

Even before Lent, several candidates in the 2010 elections have met with the influential Manalo family. This tradition is called “Visita Iglesia.”

Several political figures and personalities are also joining other Holy Week activities:

In a joint special session, the Senate and the House of Representatives have agreed to stage a senakulo on Good Friday. There’s a huge problem though: with several overqualified lawmakers to play the role, only two will be chosen to portray Dimas and Hestas, the thieves who were crucified with Jesus.

Sen. Manny Villar has agreed to play Jesus Christ… on one condition. His cross will have to be alternately carried by Adel Tamano, Gilbert Remulla, and Alan Peter Cayetano.

Stilll on Villar, his camp is rumored to be staging a modern senakulo in Moriones, Tondo. In their version, Jesus will die because “wala siyang pampagamot.”

Bayan Muna members were assigned the role of the mob during the Nacionalista-organized senakulo. But the play was halted twice when the mob refused to shout “Barabbas! Barabbas!” and instead, chanted, “Poncio Pilato, tuta ng Kano! Imperyalismo, burukrata kapitalismo… ibagsak!”

Sen. Noynoy Aquino who has always been open to ‘any role’ has agreed to play the character of the “chief priest” who commissioned Judas Iscariot to betray Jesus. But Noynoy got so carried away by the character that he promised to reward Judas not just with 30 pieces of silver but hectares of farmland to be given in five years.

In Times Street, the Aquino sisters Pinky, Viel, Ballsy and Kris staged a mini-senakulo participated by Boy Abunda and several other celebrities. But a minor commotion ensued when Kris Aquino, who portrayed the Virgin Mary, insisted on delivering a eulogy – on-cam, live!

Lawyer Gilbert Teodoro accepted the offer to play Jesus Christ but requested that his role be limited to just one scene because of a busy schedule. Organizers granted the request, and assigned Gibô to reenact a very familiar scene: while Jesus Christ is being arrested, his disciples are abandoning him.

Sen. Jamby Madrigal vows to join the senakulo only if Manny Villar played Jesus. Jamby says she’d love to portray the role of a Roman soldier so she could mock, laugh at, and throw things at Villar.

Still on Jamby, she was supposed to take part in the reenactment of the Last Supper. But she backed out when she learned that the meal included salted eggs and galunggong.

Joseph Estrada said he would accept the invitation to play Barabbas only if President Arroyo would play Pontius Pilate… to guarantee his liberty.

In Malacañang, all is set for this year’s senakulo. The stage is ready, the costumes are complete, and cabinet officials have been assigned roles for the drama… until President Arroyo decided to replace them all without notice.

Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay was asked to portray tetrarch Herod Antipas. Initially, Binay was hesitant to accept the minor role. But he changed his mind when he was informed that Herod would rule Galilee and Perea for 48 years.

To save on resources during these trying times, several organizations will reenact only the Last Supper although there would still be 12 apostles on the table. At least three groups have invited Bong Revilla as a guest apostle.

Judge Vivencio Baclig of Quezon City Regional Trial Court Branch 77 also joined a senakulo where he gave life to Pontius Pilate. When he asked the crowd to choose between Barrabas and Jesus, the crowd yelled: “Barabbas!” But in a shocking turn of events, Judge Baclig decided to release Andal Ampatuan Sr. instead.

Finally, KBL’s Vetellano Acosta who volunteered to participate in a passion play was removed from the cast two weeks before the show when organizers discovered that he was not even Catholic.

Postscript
All senators, except for Jamby Madrigal have confirmed attendance to this year’s Easter Egg Hunt in UP.

Also on Jamby: organizers of a senakulo revealed that when the actor who played Jesus was being laid in the tomb, the senator’s supporters were distributing Jamby bracelets.
—————–
“Often, the less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it.”
~ Mark Twain

In the News: Ricky Martin
On his official Web site, the former Menudo member said, “”I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.”
Ricky Reyes, Ricky Lo, Ricky Rivero, Ricky Lee, Ricky Belmonte, Ricky Davao(?),Ricky Martin. Any other Rickys out there?

Also in the news: Albay Governor Joey Salceda
Salceda reacted to the dethronement of Bb. Pilipinas-Universe Maria Venus Raj.

Raj was stripped of her title by the Bb. Pilipinas Charities Inc. because of citizenship issues. The BPCI replaced her with the second runner-up, Nicolette Henson. The move has apparently irked Salceda who was quoted to have said, “I wanted to know why the first runner-up, Ms Diane Samar Necio, my townmate, did not automatically take the place of Ms Binibining Pilipinas-Universe, Ms. Venus Raj, who was ousted.”

Tanong ng bayan: Why is the governor so interested in beauty pageants?

Survey Says
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I DID! 51%
NO. 31%
I FORGOT/I’M NOT AWARE. 18%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

HAVE A SAFE VACATION!

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

66 thoughts on “HOLY WEAK! 2010”

  1. nakakatawa na naman, except yong kay Gibo. Nalulungkot ako dun. Nakakapanghinayang, alam mo nang may magaling na kandidato, hindi naman sinusuportahan. Kakainis…Haaaayyy if mananalo si NA, talagang totoo ang president-elect pattern na to– Marcos (magaling), Cory (ewan), Ramos (magaling), Erap (ewan), GMA (magaling), **** (ewan??!! waahh h’wag naman sana).

    Anyway, sabi ni FVR, just soldier on. So soldier on, we will. Hmmppff.. dapat ma-break ang pattern, if not a curse, na yan…

    Like

      1. yeah lah, read FVR’s bio and there’s no questioning he’s magaling.

        Remember, international confidence in the Phil economy dwindled under Cory’s term. It was Ramos (of course, given na yang mga taong tumulong sa kanya) who was able to revitalize and renew international confidence in our economy. Marami pang iba, pero may summary sa page na ito: http://www.crisisgroup.org/home/index.cfm?id=4249

        Syempre he has his own share of controversies. Yong presidente ngang mukhang walang nagawa, may controversiya. Paano na lang kaya ang merong nagawa? Pero totoo man o hindi ang mga iyon, those won’t cancel out the significant things FVR had done to the country.

        Like

    1. Ano kamo? GMA magaling? Ah, tama! Sa pangungurakot. Kapal niya, di kaya to kinikilabutan sa mga pinaggagagawa niya at ng pamilya niya? Yung anak, party list candidate ng mga guwardia. Yung hipag, party list candidate ng mga magbabalot. Naku, napaka wawalang…… nila talaga! Parang wala ng bukas at lang takot sa araw ng paglilitis.

      Like

      1. Later on, the court and history will judge GMA.

        But for now, let’s face it– she has done lots of projects in her term. And those projects are not just confined to the Imperial Manila, they spread mostly throughout the provinces. And she has done these amidst incessant criticisms of the media and the scheming politicians.

        She walks tall and proud with the other global leaders. Sabihin na nating makapal lang talaga mukha nya— pero aba dapat naman talaga, if one has to lead a damn-if-you-do-and-damn-if-you-don’t country like Pinas, dapat kapal to the highest level ang amardz.

        And look, she’s the most hated President. Yet no one has successfully lifted a finger or a fist to oust her. Napaalis natin si Marcos, si Erap, but not her? So what does that imply? It implies na magaling lang talaga si GMA. 🙂

        Like

      1. tama ka, kosang raul.

        what had happened to our country since the power grab of arroyo if not for us, OFW’s?

        more than nine years since she plundered the nation and still she wants to remain in power? ayaw nga lang aminin but her actions are shouting to the highest heavens.

        should the kapamapangans vote her as congresswoman and wins, hindi lang ‘yung mga tangang nagsasabing walang makakapalit kay gloria kaya hindi dapat patalsikin kundi silang mga taga pampanga na gustong mamauhay sa dilim!

        sila ang may gusto ng gloria forever.

        Like

      2. uhhmm… i’m an OFW myself for a number of years now. but i shun from making a BS claim that I am one of those who keep the economy afloat! Gracious, goodness, I never thought of the country when I accepted the job offered to me by my current host country! I never thought of helping the economy; I only thought of myself and my family. And for sure, same goes with the rest of the OFWs wherever they currently are. Same goes with you as well if indeed you’re an OFW. So it would be a shame if I take part in saying that I am one of those who keep the economy afloat. I simply send remittances. That’s it. If that helps the economy, fine! But never would I ever take the credit because the fiscal matters of the state is a complex business that could never be attributed to a single sector alone.

        Like

    2. GMA (magaling) …….?

      Tama, eto ang isang kagalingan ni nunalisa:

      Ampatuans managed public
      funds like clan’s own purse

      http://www.malaya.com.ph/03312010/news6.html

      Nakakapagngitngit! Nakakabuwisit!

      Ang putangnang bansot na buwayang kapit tuko sa malakanyang ay may alagang buwitreng nananalasa sa Maguindanao.

      Saan nga tayo patutungo kung paniniwalaan palagi na walang makapapalit sa putangnang gloria na ‘yan?

      Nasaan na si kabayad? Ano’ng masasabi ng mga hudas na nagpatalsik kay Irap, este Erap?

      Sumpa ng mga baklang kuba!

      Halos sampung taon, mga kababayan. Ganyan kahabang panahon kayong namuhay sa pagtatangatangahan. Ganyan kahabang panahon ninyo pinagkaitan ng maayos na buhay ang inyong mga supling na dapat ay pag-asa ninyo sa inyong katandaan subalit nasaan sila ngayon? Nandoon sa lansangan. Namamalimos ang iba. Nagpuputa ang ilan. Kung hindi naman ay mandurukot o isnatser. Meron ngang nakapag-aral kahit paano ngunit nasaan? Nasa ibayong dagat, namamasukan bilang domestic helper. O, kaya naman ay construction worker.

      Like

    1. kc Venus is from Albay, same prov of Gov. Salceda.
      Dhil lang ba illegitimate na anak si Venus, tanggalan na ng korona. eh ang rqrment lang, at least hi-skul grad,17-25 yrs old. filipino citizen, at good moral character…ang kasalanan ng nanay ndi kasalanan ng anak…

      kya nga marami ang nag-petisyon ngayon d2 at humingi ng justice.

      Like

  2. PH.. bakit medyo matagal ka na magpost ngayon? Busy na ba sa totoong work.. haha.. Dati kasi everyday una kong gagawin dito sa office ay icheck ang blog mo for new posts. Ngayon medyo matagal na mag-update.. Well, sorry pero hindi sa pinepressure kita ha ikaw kasi ang resource ko ng current events eh.. Boring na ang dyaryo at news cast.. Anyway thanks for the jokes and the news..

    Like

  3. jamby playing the soldier while villar plays Jesus..hanggang senakulo,kontrabida sya.hehe 🙂

    on the Ms.Universe thing,Nicolette Henson deserves it.she is very beautiful,very intelligent.i dont see why anyone should question her replacing Venus Raj.honest opinion.

    goes to show na mangalagu la at mangasanting deng Kapampangan 🙂

    Like

  4. Ala, Prof Heck. ay bakin mo ga pinagtabi ang litrato nina Salsalceda at Maria Venus Raj?

    Ay kaya naman pala na-dethrone, eh. Hindi ‘yung isyu ng citizenship kaya tinanggalan ng korona si Venus kundi dahil may anggulo daw na kamukha siya ni Joel Salsalceda.

    Ay baka daw mapagkamalang etits itong si Maria pagdating ng pageant.

    Maige na din la’ang, hane?

    Like

  5. oo na, ano na si arroyo kung ano, pero para isisi pa sa
    kanya ang mga batang nagpapalimos, nagpuputa etc.,
    ay hindi na makatarungan…

    ano din pala si joey salceda? but in fairness, isa sya sa
    may sense makipagbalitatktakan sa congress noon, para
    sa akin ha, ewan ko kay ovalboy….

    Like

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