RACE ROUNDUP

IN DECLARING her bid for a Congressional seat in Pampanga, President Arroyo said, “Public service is emblazoned on my DNA.” Geneticists who were monitoring the announcement on TV almost believed Mrs. Arroyo’s claim about the quality of her DNA… until they saw Mikey Arroyo.

Contrary to initial reports, President Arroyo is running against three opponents in next year’s elections. They were identified as… Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao.

A day after Joseph Estrada filed his certificate of candidacy, former congressman Mark Jimenez filed his own CoC. Two ex-convicts are now running for president. Welcome to the Philippines!

Sen. Richard Gordon has joined his nephew, Olongapo City Councilor John Carlos “JC” Gordon De Los Reyes in the presidential derby. With neither uncle nor nephew expected to give way, observers predict a very tight race… for fifth place.

Former MMDA chairman Bayani Fernando, who has been very vocal about his presidential ambitions has decided to run for vice president instead. He is now seeking the endorsement of the Pink Sisters.

Joseph Estrada reportedly got pissed when Nacionalista Party’s Manuel Villar Jr. used his trademark “orange” as official campaign color. This prompted Estrada’s advisers to adopt ‘tangerine’ instead as their new color – a move that further incensed the former president who found it hard to spell ‘tangerine.’

Reelectionist senator Ramon “Bong” Revilla Jr. of Lakas-Kampi-CMD is a guest candidate of at least four other political parties: Partido ng Masang Pilipino, Nationalist People’s Coalition, Nacionalista Party, and Laban ng Demokratikong Pilipino. But that was nothing compared to Sen. Mar Roxas who used to be a guest on at least five: Wowowee, A.S.A.P., The Buzz, SNN, and Rated K.

While other presidentiables filed their certificates of candidacy with throngs of supporters, nobody (not even her husband) accompanied Sen. Jamby Madrigal when she filed her CoC. Jamby was a ‘one-man team.’

Former senator and Dangerous Drugs Board chairman Vicente “Tito” Sotto III will run for senator under the banner of the Nationalist People’s Coalition. He is also a guest candidate… on Eat Bulaga – daily.

The ruling Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party announced Tuesday that lawyer Raul Lambino would be one of its senatorial candidates in the 2010 polls. Two days later though, he was dropped from the slate after he tried to change the party’s charter.

The Commission on Elections has announced that it has discovered a simple but sure way of determining the precise number of morons in the country through next year’s elections. Thanks to the re-election bid of Sen. Lito Lapid.

Ateneo De Manila University professor Danton Remoto will run for senator as an independent candidate. He is open to alliances though but as to which party, he doesn’t know yet. He’s confused.

Television reporter Alex Tinsay is running for senator under Bro. Eddie Villanueva’s ticket. Tinsay, a veteran reporter on GMA 7 has opted to quit his career in broadcast journalism… after getting tired of pretending he’s got one.

According to Comelec, 75 percent of those who filed for national posts were not serious. To illustrate: say, you have Jamby, Erap, Ely Pamatong, and Mark Jimenez… remove the 75 percent and you’re left with Ely Pamatong.

THIS JUST IN!
The latest Pulse Asia survey showed that 43 percent of respondents would “surely not vote for” a presidential candidate endorsed by President Arroyo. Asked if he’d still seek GMA’s endorsement, Gilbert Teodoro said, “Sino ‘yon?”

In Local Politics…
Incumbent Batangas governor, Vilma Santos is seeking re-election. Her husband, former senator Ralph Recto is seeking redemption.

Former First Lady Imelda Marcos is making a political comeback. She just filed her certificate of candidacy for representative of Ilocos Norte’s second district. Her campaign slogan? “The shoe must go on.”

President Arroyo’s staunch ally, Mrs. Lilia Pineda will try her luck again in Pampanga’s gubernatorial race against re-electionist priest-on-leave Among Ed Panlilio. Asked about her chances of winning, a very confident Pineda answered, “Katorse/sais! Tumbok ng otsenta/sahod ng beinte.”

Former Presidential Chief of Staff Mike Defensor is running for mayor of Quezon City against outgoing vice mayor Herbert Bautista. Herbert is keeping the location of his headquarters a secret for fear that Defensor will conduct a raid to “rescue” the actor’s supporters.

Jejomar Erwin “Junjun” Binay Jr., son of outgoing Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay is running for mayor in 2010 – a move that surprised Makati voters who thought that the Binay family [rulers of the city for 23 years now] would endorse their very loyal vice mayor Nestor Mercado for the post. Asked why he refused to give way to Mercado, Junjun Binay said, “because public service is emblazoned on my DNA, too.”

For the first time in the history of Makati City and perhaps, the country’s local politics, the two frontrunners in the mayoral race are both black.

Still in Makati, Cong. Teddyboy Locsin and former congressman Butz Aquino have severed ties with Mayor Jejomar Binay. The Binay family’s control of Makati is now down to 98 percent.

The People’s Champ, Manny Pacquiao made true his promise (or threat) to file his CoC for representative of the lone district of Sarangani Province. To articulate his vision for the province, Pacman has named an official spokesperson: Michael Buffer. [Altogether now: Leeet’s get ready to rumble!]

And finally, Aiko Melendez, Roderick Paulate, Ara Mina, Alfred Vargas, Arnell Ignacio, Isko Moreno, Daisy Reyes, Lani Mercado, Rico J. Puno, Jestoni Alarcon, Cesar Montano, Richard Gomez, Anjo Yllana, Joey Marquez, Alma Moreno, Gian Sotto, Dan Fernandez, Marjorie Barretto, and Jigo Garcia all filed their CoCs for various posts in next year’s elections. The number of celebrities who came out last Tuesday was so huge, Comelec officials thought Noynoy Aquino was shooting another TV ad.
_________
“An election cannot give a country a firm sense of direction if it has two or more national parties which merely have different names but are as alike in their principles and aims as two peas in the same pod.”
~Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Postcript: Sa gitna ng piyesta at karnabal na nagaganap ngayon sa bansa dahil sa eleksyon, ang tanong ng bayan: meron pa ba tayong bise-presidente? Please lang po. Sakaling may impormasyon kayo hinggil sa taong nasa larawan, ipagbigay-alam lamang sa pinakamalapit na presinto. Marami pong salamat.

Survey Says
Your take on President Arroyo’s decision to seek a Congressional seat in Pampanga:
It’s her right. Hayaan na natin. :15%
Immunity from suit ang habol niya! 67%
Who cares, Care Bears? 18%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

I’ve Got Mail!
From Philippine Star columnist Billy Esposo:
US Ambassador Kristie Kenney: “After several years, our people recovered from 9/11.
I pray that the Filipino people will soon recover from the 4’11.”

Have a great weekend!

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

108 thoughts on “RACE ROUNDUP”

  1. grabe…parang palengke lang ang eleksyon sa Pilipinas… thanks prof for making fun of this people… kahit papaano bumababa ang tensiyon ko sa politika dahil sa blog mo…

    about Noli, i heard from some in HUDCC na nagpapayaman ng husto si Noli doon para mabawi yung gastos niya sa election nung 2004…ang laki daw kasi ng gastos niya para dayain si Loren… grabe xa. akala ko mabait xa. serious ‘to… isa niyang staff ang narinig ko nagsabi nun…

    Like

  2. Bakit kasi pinapayagan pa sila ERAP at Jimenez tumakbo?! Ganun ba talga?! Kahit sino na lang pwede tumakbo? Kung mag file si Mommy Dionesia pwede na din sya? Baka talunin pa ni Mommy D si Noynoy! Si manny pacquiao?! Anong nakain nya at biglang gusto nya pumasok sa politika?! I think inencourage nila si Pacman kasi malaking hakot ni Pacman sa campaign! pero hanggang dun lang yun!

    Like

  3. Masakeeeet… Anlupeeeet… Nakakalongkoootttt 😦
    Hindi kayang tanggapin ng puso ko ang pagbatikos ng inquirer editorial sa idol naming si Lito Lapid.
    My heart was super hurt.
    Yah, the truth hurts.
    Wahahahahaha.

    Nananawagan ako key mavakes, phreddox, at iba pang mga fans ni LL dito. Nais kong marinig ang inyong saloobin sa bagay na ito.

    Like

    1. LL rules! No matter what PDI says!

      LL has held true even if the very foundations of GMA is crumbling down and falling upon the heads the administration party members. He wasn’t like his perfidious, odious, and treacherous former party mates who has bolted to the other side like rats on a sinking ship.

      At alam ko kung ano ang ssabihin ni LL sa sinabi ko:

      Ano daw?

      Like

      1. ang iba galit dahil sa hello garci, ang iba dahil sa fertilizer scam, ang iba sa zte scandal, yung iba galit sa nunal niya, meron galit sa silicon nya, galit sa 4’11”, chacha, jose pidal, hweteng ni sabit, hweteng ni pineda, galit dahil sa pandaraya, meron galit dahil tae cya, ang iba galit dahil di ibinoto pero nanalo, ang iba galit dahil pro-erap sila, un iba galit dahil gusto sumikat at makita sa tv, ang iba galit dahil lahat ng heneral ginagawang secretary kahit hindi marunong magkompyut ng energy naging energy secretary……dami pa.

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      2. I think the collective “hate” most people have now for GMA all started when she vowed in public, a Rizal Day yata yun a year before the 2004 elections.

        She said in a speech that she will NOT run for president. Came 2004, she ate her words like a dog eating its own puke.

        There… that’s it.

        Like

    1. Sabagay, kung ako si Mikey, magpapasalamat din ako sa Diyos at ipinanganak ako kay GMA. Isipin mo, kung ipinagpatuloy n’ya ang kanyang pag-aartista, saan s’ya pupulutin ngayon? Eh, ayan, dahil anak siya ni GMA, naging successful real-estate businessman s’ya, kahit bagsak ang realty business sa US of A. Ilang percent ang itinaas ng kanyang assets habang s’ya ay nasa public office? Eh, kung tutuusin, mas mataas pa ang sahod ko sa kanya. Tapos, kung gaano ang pagtaas ng kanyang assets, ganyan naman ang pagtaas ng aking utang.

      O, baka naman palpak lang akong mag-budget?

      Like

    2. Diyos ko po. Grabehan naman. Pano na sina:

      > Manuel Quezon – Ama ng Wikang Pambansa at Tagapagtaguyod ng Kalayaan. OK na sana kung hindi siya double sided noon (mahaba-habang debate yan, wag na daanan)
      > Ferdinand Marcos – Ang pinakamagaling na pangulo kung di lang sa mga kalokohan niya at ng kanyang kroni nong martial law
      > Cory Aquino – Ang pinakamalinis na pangulo; sa sobrang hindi gahaman sa kapangyarihan, excited pa siyang bumaba sa pwesto
      > Andres Bonifacio – arguably ang Unang Pangulo ng Pilipinas thru Katipunan. Tunay na Kampeon ng Masa at Tagapagtaguyod ng Tuwid at Walang Bahid na Kalayaan, at kung hindi lang inagaw ng mga greedy na Caviteñong ilustrado ang kapangyarihan wala na sana tayong problema sa ‘imperyalismo, imperyalismo.
      > Ramon Magsaysay – laking mahirap, magaling, Ama ng TraPo (kahit di niya gusto) dahil siya ang naging source ng mga papogi ng mga pulitiko kahit ginawa niya ang mga exhibition na ito ng kalinisan sa kaibuturan ng kanyang puso

      Like

  4. President Arroyo’s staunch ally, Mrs. Lilia Pineda will try her luck again in Pampanga’s gubernatorial race against re-electionist priest-on-leave Among Ed Panlilio. Asked about her chances of winning, a very confident Pineda answered, “Katorse/sais! Tumbok ng otsenta/sahod ng beinte.”

    – Damn you heckler! Muntik ko na maibuga kinakakain ko ng nabasa ko to. Hindi ko alam na tumataya ka pala sa jueteng! Anong oras ba bola nito? Asan na kubrador? hehehe…

    Like

      1. Jueteng is a fixed game, paulit ulit kung sinasabi ito sa blogs if this is the topic. Laging panalo ang jueteng lord, walang talo.

        Itong mga taong mahilig managinip eh dapat tumigil na sa kahuhuweteng. This is literally free money, pinupulot ng mga kubrador for the huweteng lord and for the Pulis Patolas for protection.

        Like

  5. WEEHAW! The best heckler in town. Prof expected n yan, malapit n election, MAS MADAMI NA DAPAT POST!

    YEHEY! 🙂

    Buti na lang sa latest poll about pacman, mdme ayaw bumoto sknya. At talagang gahaman tong c GLUE! Halatang my maitim n nmn n plano. Diba nmn pwde naman xa sa governatorial race. ee bkt sa kongreso pa?? AY NAKO GISING NA! PWE!

    Like

  6. Galing mo Kuya Heck…..i wonder how didya come out of all those nasty/funny heckling things.

    But one thing na i’d like to deduce from your wrtings…….who is ur presidential candidate?……….it seems ur going to kuya chiz sana but unfortunately he didnt run…..am i correct?

    i suggest in ur next survey, the question is sino iboboto ni Loi Landicho………….hehehehee………sige na..just for fun.

    Like

  7. oo nga, let us know kung ano nga ba ang criteria mo for choosing your president?like…

    stage presence 25% (paramihan ng artista sa stage)
    voice quality 25% (when they sing)
    costume 25% (for their choice of color or logo)
    audience impact 25% (kung sino ang pinakamaraming hakot)
    for a total of 100% !!!

    ano nga ba talaga!?

    Like

  8. ang mga henyong mambabatas ang dahilan kung bakit
    ang mga ex-convicts, those still behind bars and sa case
    ni arroyo ay pwede pa lumaban…

    this one made me smile, “at nakaka-ingles na si vi”

    re: this just in
    in that same survey, 14% daw are now considering gilbert,
    not bad…

    nagtaka lang ako kung bakit iniba ang tema ng survey, or
    may result din sila kagaya noong dating tanong pero baka
    bumaba na ang percentage ni noynoy, heard na ang may-ari
    ng pulse asia ay related sa mga aquino…

    Like

  9. From Philippine Star columnist Billy Esposo:
    US Ambassador Kristie Kenney: “After several years, our people recovered from 9/11.
    I pray that the Filipino people will soon recover from the 4′11.”

    This is an old joke circulating via sms last year. wala namang originality tong si esposo oh

    Like

  10. Ang sakit ng tiyan ko nito… hahahaha…

    I remember last year coming back from vacation, he’s one of the passengers and while boarding he keep looking at my husband, akala siguro nia kakamayan sia namin. (We’re the last few passengers boarding – we’re trying to savor our last few minutes sa aming huling araw ng bakasyon hehehe)…and when we landed again, we’re like the last few passengers too, going out and he was there again looking at my hubby, ngumiti ako, para hind deadma, and finally my husband decided kakamayan nalang nia para hindi naman halata’ng dinadead-ma namin sia … ;D hahahaha…

    Like

  11. For the first time in the history of Makati City and perhaps, the country’s local politics, the two frontrunners in the mayoral race are both black.

    – – – – –
    I remember last year coming back from vacation, Mayor Jojo Binay was one of the passengers and while boarding he keep looking at my husband, akala siguro nia kakamayan sia namin. (We’re the last few passengers boarding – we’re trying to savor our last few minutes sa aming huling araw ng bakasyon hehehe)…and when we landed again, we’re like the last few passengers too, going out and he was there again looking at my hubby, ngumiti ako, para hind deadma, and finally my husband decided kakamayan nalang nia para hindi naman halata’ng dinadead-ma namin sia … ;D hahahaha…

    Like

  12. So totoo pala yung front page update from RP sa US, star studded election, coming back of Imelda and the permanence of Gloria.

    First Black Makati candidates that’s funny.

    Bakit alam mu ang jueting language Mr. Heckler? Anong qualifications at profile ni Mrs. Pineda? Where can we find her resume?

    Like

    1. Sure, he does. He knows that “legislate” is short for “let’s register early so we won’t be late, you know!”

      Joke lang. Baka nga mas masama ang Inggles ko kesa sa kanya. At kung meron kang eighteen million US dollars, kahit baluktot ang Inggles mo iintindihin ka pa rin.

      Nag-alala tuloy ako; wala bang warlord sa Saranggani?

      Like

  13. They should have arrested all the Ampatuans…the newly discovered animal species according to Sir Loi…by declaring martial law…ang malacanang wants to show the world that they are serious…until now walang arrest…and they know deep in their heartless heart that the Ampatuans are guilty as hell. Amapatuan Sr, Zaldy Ampatuan was the brain behind the massacre and made poor Jr their scapegoat…though he was there he ordered the killings…the master planner was the Sr., and Zaldy…Jr being the lesser brain was tasks to serve as their henchman. Correct or right ?

    Like

  14. Kaawa-awa naman si Gloria, in the early days of the Maguindanao Massacre, people kept deriding her for being too soft and not doing enough. Now that she’s declared Martial Law and arrested several Ampatuans, it’s ‘overkill’ naman daw. Perfect example of “Damned if you do damned if you don’t” Sigaw ni Gloria: “Ano ba talaga kuya!”, hehehe.
    But seriously, the Maguindanao Massacre is providing a unique opportunity for GMA to ‘test the waters’ so to speak, and gauge people reaction to Martial Law. This will help her fine-tune election tactics and dirty tricks for 2010 and may come in handy in creating various ‘scenarios’ if the 2010 elections do not turn out to be favorable.

    Like

  15. Nagtataka ako, bakit ang dami galit ky gloria, e sino ba naglagay sa kanya sa pwesto di ba yung mga nagrally dati, bayan, bayan muna, akbayan at iba pang mga grupo na nagpatalsik kay erap. Karamihan pa ng galit kay nunal e taga metro manila, e kayo naman yung nagrarally dati para maupo siya sa pwesto, tas ngaun ayaw nu sa kanya. Sino naman ipapalit nu sa kanya? lahat naman sila pag naging presidente may hweteng payola. Buti pa si pamatong na lang para pagbubutasin niya mga gulong ng sasakyan nyo para wala na trapik. Lahat naman ng tumatakbo nagiging tikalon pag malapit na eleksyon.

    Hi heckler, kaapelyido kita ah, r u from batangas? Tatay ko from batangas pero d2 ako lumaki sa mindanao kaya bisaya, mategas ang dela…

    Like

  16. This is such a hilarious thoughts of refreshment… mas cool pa sa coke… matami pa sa pepsi… sing smooth ng tsing tao beer… WORLD CLASS ang dating ng heckling… mabuhay ka LOI (ejercito) kelan ang medical mission nyo sa bundok namin? hehehe
    Pwede ba itong irampa sa blog ko para makataste of your own medicine ako hehehe, pabibo lang…

    Pwede bang mangaroling sa bahay nyo? “Loi to the world, heckler has come!

    Fill the boots men!

    Like

  17. Yes Mr. Heckler, i am watching Bottomline right now. No offense meant but considering na medyo hard-hitting yung blog mo, medyo(for lack of a better term) napupot-suhan ako sa mga questions mo kay Nogie boy. “Bakit siya ang dapat ihalal sa next elections?” I was thinking along the lines of “Bakit sobrang tuta ka ni GMA” o di kaya “Why do you kiss her bum so much?” or “Bakit ang daming corrupt sa congress?”

    Buti na lang naitanong nung girl (Bianca?) about Nogie being a GMA lapdog. Sana next time PH mas matindi ang mga tanong. Good luck!

    Like

    1. i wish we could show everything sa episode. hindi po lahat ng tanong o punto ay kasama sa pinal na produkto. may mga napag-usapan sa taping (before ondoy pa po yan na-tape) na di napanood, e.g. a point raised re: the incarceration of a journalist dahil sa libel case ni nograles. walang lumabas sa episode. anyway, that’s ur opinion. no harm done. watch ulit kayo next week. kung gusto n’yong makatulog even before the show is finished, tutukan n’yo si Kiko Pangilinan. Borrring.

      Like

  18. “For the first time in the history of Makati City and perhaps, the country’s local politics, the two frontrunners in the mayoral race are both black…”

    Rodrigo Duterte and Benjamin De Guzman of Davao City are also black, perhaps not as black as Makati’s frontrunners in the mayoral race, lol!

    And I so hate Nogie Boy. Magaling lang sya sa paporma, kini-claim nya na kanya lahat ang mga projects na ganito at ganyan even those nationally funded projects were also brazenly claimed as his. This dirtbag is using every tarpaulin, signage and whatnot just to advertise his name.

    Like

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