José Protasio Rizal Mercado y Alonso Realonda
June 19, 1861 – December 30, 1896

Top 10 (Im)Possible Headlines If Jose Rizal Were Still Alive Today

No. 10
“Living legend” baffles gerontologists, geneticists;
Jose Rizal turns 148 today!

No. 9
Rizal rejects 100million peso offer to endorse Belo Medical Clinic

No. 8
Oldest Filipino to marry former broadcaster;
Jose Rizal sets altar date with Loren Legarda

No. 7
Filipino centenarian topples JK Rowling, Stephenie Meyer
in The New York Times Best Seller list

No. 6
President Arroyo, Jose Rizal to lead Independence Day rites
at the Bonifacio Monument in Luneta

No. 5
Pinoy Methuselah attracts 5 million Twitter followers in just 24 hours;
JoseRizal.Ph tops Google in latest Alexa traffic ranking

No. 4
Hitler scion claims Rizal is his great great grandfather;
seeks financial support from revered Filipino icon

No. 3
Senators, congressmen agree to conduct joint hearing on Rizal’s “immortality;”
Doctors, arbularyos, drug companies, bishops invited as resource persons

No. 2
Ten million-strong Rizalistas commit to bloc voting in 2010;
presidential hopefuls seek endorsement of supreme leader

And the No. 1 (im)possible headline if Jose Rizal were still alive today…

After Noli and Fili:
Rizal writes two new books on oppression, corruption, and revolution
“Glori” and “Mikee” to hit the stands Friday

I just discovered (and I may be late. Still, thanks to Newsweek) the newest search engine. Wolfram|Alpha describes itself as “the computational knowledge engine.” How interesting is this search engine? Let’s say, you ask how old was Megan Fox or Kobe Bryant when the 9/11 attacks happened, or what is the date of the next total solar eclipse visible from Paris, or what countries have the highest unemployment rate? Wolfram|Alpha will give you the exact answer(s). Try it. It’s fun. Here’s the link.

Enjoy your weekend!

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler


  1. here’s a tribute written to honor our national hero:

    !Duerme en paz en las sombras dela nada, (Sleep in peace in the shadow of emptiness, )

    redentor de una patria esclavizada! (redeemer of a motherland enslaved!)

    !No llores dela tumba en el misterio, (Weep not in the mystery of the tomb, )

    del espanol el triunfo momentaneo (the Spanish victory was short-lived)

    que si una bala destrozo tu craneo, (that if a bullet shattered your cranium, )

    en cambio tu idea destruyo un imperio! (in return your genius demolished an empire!)

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Al Heroe Nacional Cecilio Apostol 1898 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


  2. If he is alive today and in an age of his prime, Jose Rizal will be like Erap. He will be incarcerated, minus the corruption issues. His mind and heart, minus the women and the knees, will be for the “masa”. He would have a Lung and Heart Center (not the Cultural Center). He will be incarcerated because his ideas are beyond this generation to comprehend, and are considered threats to those in power. Unlike Erap, he will not be pardoned. And as history repeats itself, be under endless Senate investigations, and be finally shot in Luneta. And Luneta will be renamed “Rizal Park” again by the next generation….


  3. So on the mark, as usual..amusing and too true.

    Perhaps, like in AA, the first step is acceptance, knowing that we suck. The Philippines sucks, and then, after acceptance, we’ll do something about it. Don’t get me wrong, I love our country, but the situation today is just so sad, and not enough people care, and too many people in power take advantage.

    with great power comes great responsibility, don’t people get that anymore?



  4. When asked the question “If Rizal is alive today, what is he to you?”,
    1. Sen. Lapid : Erhh, patay na un. Gawin kong contractor sa ashfall.”
    2. Sen. Santiago: “I’ll jump from an airplane if Rizal is”
    3. Sen. Roxas: !!!!??Putr..#89@+!!!. Kuhain kong ninong!
    4. Sen. Lacson: “Huwag ninyo ako ituro. Wala akong kinalaman sa pagkamatay noon.”
    5. Erap: “Rizal? Di ba Rizal Avenue sa may Manila yoon?”


  5. Jazz a thought. If Rizal were alive today and “Glori” has the current situation as its setting, whom would he allude to as the major characters in his novel?

    Crisostomo Ibarra – isang OFW kaya?
    For Padre Damaso – FG the untouchable?
    Maria Clara – ?
    Kapitan Tiago, her dad –
    Pia Alba, her deceased mom – yung alleged mistress ni FG?
    Linares –
    Elias –
    Basilio –
    Crispin –
    Sisa – Miriam Santiago?


  6. woah! one of a kind post. i so like glori and mikee! lolz.
    and hey.hey peeps! if Jose Rizal was alive today, he would not study in any of your mention school. dude! he’ll go big time and study at Harvard!
    .. wait, i still like gma. in spite and despite. woman empowerment. typical chauvinistic nio. haha. lolz

    idol heckler!!
    more post to come.


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