HOLY FLU!


Swine Flu Virus
The biggest news of the week? The human swine flu virus. And Filipinos are getting worried. In fact, they’ve never been this worried since Mar Roxas announced on “Wowowee” that Korina Sanchez is the country’s next First Lady.

Swine Flu Virus II
The human swine influenza virus has already killed hundreds and infected thousands worldwide. The spread of the virus is alarming. To give you an idea how alarming it has become, for the first time in history, Jose De Venecia and his fellow congressmen are avoiding pork.

Swine Flu Virus III
The World Health Organization has raised the alert level on the human swine flu virus to Phase 4, meaning there is sustained human-to-human transmission of the virus. But senators, congressmen, and other corrupt politicians have nothing to worry about because there has yet to be a documented case of human-to-crocodile transmission.

Solons to Vegas
Reports say a large number of congressmen led by House Speaker Prospero Nograles are flying off to Las Vegas to watch the Manny Pacquiao-Ricky Hatton bout on Sunday. Fact is, if they wanted to debate on Charter Change they can freely do since their number in Vegas constitutes a quorum.

Pacquiao on TIME
Final results of a TIME Magazine survey showed that Manny Pacquiao was voted the 22nd “most influential” person in the world. When Sen. Lito Lapid heard this he said, “Influential? Naku, dapat magpa-check up na siya. Baka dahil sa swine virus ‘yan!”

Quintuplets
Did you hear about the 27-year-old housewife who gave birth last Sunday to a set of quintuplets? Yesterday, Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez (as shown on ABS-CBN newscasts) visited the woman and her babies. Roxas and Sanchez became emotional when they saw the babies… mainly because they never expected to see such an adorable bunch of election paraphernalia.

Korina On Leave
ABS-CBN announced that Korina Sanchez is taking a leave of absence from her radio program starting May 9. Ted Failon is wondrin’ why women close to his heart are leaving him.

peta_bikini No to Zoos
Barely-clad female members of the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) staged a protest action at the Manila Zoo to urge the management to release the animals to their natural habitat. Tomorrow, they will picket the House of Representatives to call for the release of some 270 crocodiles in captivity.

No to Zoos II
Four bikini-clad women from the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) picketed the Manila Zoo on Tuesday to urge the public to boycott zoos. Sen. Jamby Madrigal says she would support PETA’s call… only if the women would stage similar protests in five more zoos.

juday-ryan Juday and Ryan Wedding
Judy Ann Santos and Ryan Agoncillo have tied the knot in a very private ceremony in San Juan, Batangas Tuesday morning. Thank goodness they were not running in 2010! Otherwise, the wedding would have been held at the “Wowowee” studios.

Earth Day: A Postscript
A week ago, the world celebrated Earth Day. In observance of the significant event, environmental groups planted seedlings; local governments cleaned up rivers, and Vicki Belo recycled her face.

Elsewhere…

My favorite gossip columnist, Vic Agustin of the Manila Standard Today has written an intriguing article. Do you know Leo Magno?

Newsbreak magazine has an update on the jueteng operation in Ilocos Norte.

And for fellow fanatics of our Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers, you can check out this blog for pre-and post-game analyses.

Personal
The Professional Heckler is on Twitter. Search for either: Professional Heckler or heckler8. See you there. (Of late though, people couldn’t find me there. I tried using the “Find People” button but i myself g0t zero results. Dunno why. Sigh.)
_________
“Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.”
~Buddha

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

35 thoughts on “HOLY FLU!”

    1. Tignan muna natin yong mabuting nagawa ni mar at korina sa mga kambal bago natin bigyan ng maling konotasyon yun lalo na at tatakbo si mar sa 2010 election. Ok fine, nandun na tau sa publicity,pero atlis may mabuting naidulot un para sa mga bata. Atsaka makakapagvote ba ang batang un sa murang edad nila? Mamamayang pilipino pa rin talaga ang makakapagsabi kung iboboto si mar o hindi.

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      1. hindi kasi ang isyu dun yung naitulong nila sa quintuplets. dahil nga “news item” yung mga bata, yung sakyan nila ang pagiging mainit nga mga bata sa news ang nakakasama (at nakakasuka), yung publicity na nakukuha nya, yung paggamit nya sa mga bata – dun naiinis ang mga tao.

        grabe naman.

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      2. Oh pahleez! Taympers, spare us the “good deeds” speech, will you?! I agree with the other two who commented on our post. If they’re really interested in helping, why do they have to announce it? And don’t tell me it’s because they’re public figures because I’m gonna shoot myself. They are clearly using the family and their situation to launch their election propaganda and it’s really disgusting.

        It’s amazing how some people can still have blind faith in this century. No wonder it’s hard to rectify the situation in our government. For as long as there are people like you who worship people just because they are on TV or because they’re popular or whatever and not look at their qualifications and fitness for the job, we would continue to have a bad president which translates into bad government with the destruction of our country as the end result.

        I need more plastic bags to vomit on! Even the plastic bag reminds me of Mar and Korina. They are so OROCAN!!!

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  1. Naks wala yan Swine Flu na yan!

    Dito satin matagal na meron Swine Glu – a virus so virulent and infections it has infected 99.9% of those who came in contact with brown bags distributed in Malacanang and in Congress. Those infected display symptoms of insatiable appetite for “pork” and manifest crocodile characteristics in terms of greed and thick-skinnedness.

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  2. from Mar’s TV ad:
    “ganyan po kami dito, walang makain, kanya kanyang kayod para mabuhay…”

    Mar: Anak, itabi mo,
    Bata: ano? tinawag nyo po akong anak? tama po pala sabi ng mga kapit-bahay kayo po ang nawawala kong ama… nasaan po ang aking tunay na ina?
    Mar: Si Korina..sya ang tunay mong ina…
    Bata: Hindi…hindi…hindi po totoo ‘yan….. baog po siya
    Mar: Bata pa kami no’n… 37 pa lang yata kmi …puede pa cya mabuntis…. di namin ginusto ang nangyari…. patawarin mo ako anak kung iniwan kita sa may palengke. …Mr. Palengke pa lang ako no’n…
    Bata: Hindi ko kayo mapapatawad…
    Mar: Pero hinanap ka namin ng iyong nanay Koring… kahit sa kanyang Balitang K! pinanawagan ka namin…. pero hindi ka na namin natagpuan…
    Bata: Nasaan nga po pala si nanay Koring?
    Mar: Ang engot mo naman..hayan sa likod ng pedicab…nagtutulak!
    Bata: Ngeekkk!… bakit nyo po cya pinagtutulak..kawawa po naman ..pawis-pawisan na!
    Mar: Hayaan mo…kasi gusto nya ring makarating sa ating pupuntahan…
    Bata: Saan po ba tayo pupunta?
    Mar: Sa Malakañang.
    Bata: Ano po ba naman ang gagawin natin sa Malacañang?
    Mar: Huwag ka ng magtanong…basta….
    Bata: Bakit? tatakbo po ba kayong presidente sa 2010?
    Mar: OO… hindi lang ako tatakbo..sasakay pa ako sa pedicab!
    Bata: Nanay Koring!… okey lang ba kayo d’yan?
    Koring: K lang!
    Mar: HOY….Koring…bilis-bilisan mo namang magtulak at baka mapagsaraduhan tayo ng gate…. alam mo naman…magre-rest pa ako..tapos magpapa-foot spa…
    Koring: K lang!
    Mar: At saka minsan naman Koring…bawas-bawasan mo ang pag-punta sa parlor…aba …parang gusto mo pa akong matlabugan…. cge derecho lang tulak….ambisyosa
    Koring: K!
    Mar: Hoy…hoy Koring ..Balik..balik…pupunta nga pala tayo sa Wowowii! Bilisan mo pa pagtulak dyan!! Naku…baka magalit sa akin si pareng willie….
    Koring: K!
    Mar: Ano nga pala pangarap mo?
    Bata: Seaman po!
    Mar: Ah..maganda yan…. dami lalaki don… kasi seaman…. pangarap ko din yun kaya lang wala namang seawoman…. echus lang!
    Bata: Ano po ba talaga ang pangarap nyo?
    Mar: Simple lang ang pangarap ko… magkaroon ng maliit na tindahan….. dyan sa palengke..
    Bata: Ano pong klaseng tindahan?
    Mar: Sari-sari Store!
    Bata: Aba…maganda po ‘yon! Ano po namang ang pangalan ng inyong store?
    Mar: SARI-SARI KA MAR STORE!
    Bata: Wow…. sosyal…. Eh….ano po ba naman ang laman ng tindahan nyo?
    Mar: Madami…suklay, gunting, salamin, pang-kulot, pang-kulay ng buhok, razor, blades, panghasa, shampoo, etc ….
    Bata: Parang parlor po naman yata ang gusto nyo!
    Mar: Mag showgirl ka nga…kundi makukurot kita sa …..uhmmm
    Bata: Etching lang!
    Bata: Totoo po ba na magpapakasal na kayo?
    Mar: Secret!….. ano ba? Parang ka namang si Butch Abunda magtanong……HOY KORING! STOPPPPPPPP! NOW NA!
    Koring: K!
    Mar: Di mo ba nakikita…..ang laki-laki ng mata mo..hayan oh…ABS-CBN…… muntik na tayong lumampas. Hala pasok na tayo sa loob…naririnig ko na pangalan natin….bilisssssssssssss!
    Koring: K!
    Mar: Anak iwan mo lang dyan sa tabi yung pedicab! Late na tayo….GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
    (wOWOWEE STUDIO)
    Willie: Ladies and gentlemen…let’s all welcome …MAR & KORINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!……….(applause)
    Mar: Thank you Willie…for inviting us over!…maraming salamat sa yo…good afternoon kapamilya….. lalo na sa KFC subscriber!!! magandang hapon po!
    Willie: Welcome Koring..sa Wowowii..Okey… masaya ako..okey…kasi…napili nyo ang wowowii…okey…masaya ako..okey..kasi.. binayaran ako ni Mar..okey… okey…
    Koring: K!
    Mar: Alam mo Willie… bilib din talaga ako sa show na ito…. hindi lang..pang showbiz… pang-palengke pa…… echusss lang….
    Willie: Ikaw talaga …. okray ka….okey…di bale…okey….malaki naman …okey…binayad mo okey….di ba Koring…okey
    Koring: K!
    Willie: Mareng….este Pareng Mar..okey…. we’re glad at naisama mo ang iyong anak dito…..okey..
    Mar: Ah..oo naman… siya ang naging bunga ng TUNAY na pagmamahalan naming mag-asawa… mga kababayan…ang aking anak si….Pediver…..Pediver Ruxas…
    (audience; applause)
    Willie: Wow..okey…parang unique ang pangalan nya? Okey? Bakit nga pala Pediver? okey?
    Mar: PEDIVER..kasi ang full name nya ay Pedicab Driver….. eching langgggggg…anuhhhhh……bahhhh! Eme lang!
    Willie: Okey…
    Mar: Alam mo Pareng Willie….di na ako magpapaligoy-ligoy pa….me mahalaga lang akong sasabihin….
    (to be continued….) ecp61671

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