IT’S JOC TIME!


Jocjoc Bolante is Back
Former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn Bolante is back in the country. Upon his arrival, the very prompt eight-member team from the Office of the Senate Sergeant-at-Arms read the Upper Chamber’s order for his arrest. The first line of the arrest order reads, “We, the Senators of the Republic of the Philippines, fooled by Eliseo De La Paz last week, vow not to be fooled for the second consecutive week.”

Former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn Bolante arrived Tuesday night. In his arrival statement, Jocjoc said, “Now that I am back, I assure you that I will answer any and all accusations at the proper forum. I am ready to face the issues and all the malicious accusations against me.” He then denied rumors that ex-PNP comptroller Eliseo De La Paz wrote that statement for him.

When he is discharged from the hospital, Jocjoc Bolante will be detained at the Senate. A Philippine Star report says the detention room has air-conditioning unit, a bed, cable TV, electric fan, conference table, book shelf, white board, single bed, and two sofas. Nope, we’re not describing Claudio Teehankee Jr’s cell at the New Bilibid Prisons.

The Quezon City Police District has deployed its personnel to provide round-the-clock security for former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn “Joc-joc” Bolante. The Senate has also sent eight men to protect him. Can anyone please check if there’s any security guy left for UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon?

An Inquirer report says former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante’s house in the posh Ayala Alabang village showed no sign that his homecoming would be festive. The uninhabited 80 million peso-mansion of the alleged architect of the “fertilizer fund scam” is adorned by ornamental plants, palm trees… and a couple of scarecrows.

Unconfirmed reports say the St. Luke’s Medical Center has released its latest medical bulletin on the health condition of former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante. His blood test showed unusual quantities of nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium (N-P-K).

Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada and his nun friends from La Salle wanted to visit Jocjoc Bolante at St. Luke’s Medical Center but the security was really tight. So tight that it’s reportedly even tighter than Lozada’s nun friends.

Like Hollywood’s notorious paparazzi, dozens of media men and women swooped in on former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn Bolante when he arrived at the NAIA last night. Next to Chris Tiu, Bolante is perhaps the most talked-about Atenean at this moment.

Finally!
Jocjoc Bolante has finally been returned. We have waited so long for this event to happen. To give you an idea how long we have waited, when Bolante fled the country, he looked like First Gentleman Mike Arroyo. When he arrived, he looked more like Joker Arroyo.

Jocjoc Bolante is finally back. We have waited so long for this event to happen. To give you an idea how long it was, lawyer Harry Roque’s waist line was still 27 when it all started.

Jocjoc Bolante is back guys. Finally, he’s back. We have waited so long for this event to happen. To give you an idea how long it has been, the price of gasoline was at the 25 pesos per liter level when he left.

Jocjoc Bolante is finally back. We have waited so long for this moment to happen. To give you an idea how long it has been: when Jocjoc Bolante left the country, Jose De Venecia was still GMA’s caddie when she played golf in China.

Jocjoc Bolante is finally back. We have waited so long for this moment to arrive. To give you an idea how long it has been: when Jocjoc Bolante left the country, Rustom Padilla was still straight.

Elsewhere

Check out the Guitar Hero World Tour advertisement featuring Michael Phelps, Tony Hawk, Alex Rodriguez and of course, THE Kobe Bryant.

One Flu Over the Cute-cute’s Nest
The Professional Heckler is currently down with flu.
_________
He who holds the ladder is as bad as the thief.
— German Proverb

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Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

27 thoughts on “IT’S JOC TIME!”

  1. Bolante, sino sa tingin mo ang niloloko mo?

    Face all the charges? Bullshit, nagkanda kumahog ka ngang mag-apply ng asylum sa US. Ngayon, di magkanda-ugagang kumuha ng TRO mga abugado mo sa SC. E kung wala kang tinatago, edi sana dati ka pa nagsalita. Ulul!

    Corrupt kang hayop ka! Hindi ako magugulat kung ploy mo lang yan. Galing mo rin mag hair dye at umarteng parang hirap maglakad, pa-wheel chair-wheel-chair ka pa. Tapos ngayon, pipilitin mong umarte para dyan ka nalang mag stay sa mala 5 star na ospital. Si Mike Arroyo ba nagbabayad nyan?

    Dapat sayo sa bilibid! Ginamit mo pa ang mga kawawang magsasaka sa scam mo. Dont worry pag nakulong ka i-papardon ka rin naman ng amo mo. Wala kwentang gobyerno to!

    Like

  2. mr heckler,

    it’s halloween. i think you should post here your “top 20 (or more) ‘pang’-halloween celebrity/politicians”, or your “costume suggestions if we were gonna wear faces/porma of politicians/celebrities”.

    i have one that could make it on top 10, check out “asian dragon magazine’s” sept-nov 2008 issue, the cover is really pang-halloween. ‘he’ was either photoshopped badly or had too much make up on him. 😀

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  3. somehow, somewhere your ACCOUNTABILITY to the people & to your maker will come…i hope mister bolante [and the rest of his family/cohorts] enjoyed their feast on the money that should have been for the farmers….do not worry mister bolante your body will make a good compost when you die.

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  4. “Jocjoc Bolante is back guys. Finally, he’s back. We have waited so long for this event to happen. To give you an idea how long it has been, the price of gasoline was at 35 pesos per liter level when he left”

    Considering how fast the oil prices rise in the Philippines, that wasn’t long ago 😛

    So sad, a fellow Atenean… you still have time to find your light in the Lord. Tell the truth!!!

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  5. <<>>

    Bolante, sino sa tingin mo ang niloloko mo?

    Face all the charges? Bullshit, nagkanda kumahog ka ngang mag-apply ng asylum sa US. Ngayon, di magkanda-ugagang kumuha ng TRO mga abugado mo sa SC. E kung wala kang tinatago, edi sana dati ka pa nagsalita. Ulul!

    Corrupt kang hayop ka! Hindi ako magugulat kung ploy mo lang yan. Galing mo rin mag hair dye at umarteng parang hirap maglakad, pa-wheel chair-wheel-chair ka pa. Tapos ngayon, pipilitin mong umarte para dyan ka nalang mag stay sa mala 5 star na ospital. Si Mike Arroyo ba nagbabayad nyan?

    Dapat sayo sa bilibid! Ginamit mo pa ang mga kawawang magsasaka sa scam mo. Dont worry pag nakulong ka i-papardon ka rin naman ng amo mo. Wala kwentang gobyerno to!

    Like

  6. Tito Boy mag komentaryo ka na naman ulit… hehehe ang galing mo talaga… siguro Praning ka… ano ba ang natapos mo? i pinasa mo ba ang logic 101? ano po ang real gender mo? kasi nakakaduda ang gender mo parang babae… nagsasalita ka kasi ng style babae e… demanda mo na kasi si mike arroyo at si jocjoc bolante…para ma iaayos mo ang lahat…tulungan kita…. nandyan si atty roque…

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  7. Kuya Barok… itanong mo kay Sen Ping Lacson kung sino ang nagbayad ng hospital ni jocjoc bolante… magsulat ka at dalhin mo sa senado personal…daming medya doon hehehehe papatulan ka nila doon sabihin mo lang na pwede kang magtestigo…na senado ang nagbayad ng hospitalizaion ni jocjoc… kasi nga sa tingin mo corrupt yung tao…sa tingin ko isa ka rin sa nag subaybay sa senate inquiry last nov 13 no… so ano comments mo doon?…pero sure naman ako na negative pa rin hehehehe…. kasi nga magaling ka mag speculate…

    Like

  8. For Wehavnoname…hehehehe… bakit pati ang mansion ni bolante pinapakialam mo? sa tingin mo pera ng Dept of Agriculture ang pinatayo noon? sige tulungan din kitang mag gathered ng information tungkol sa pagpatayo ng bahay na yun… tapos idemanda din natin si bolante…para mapapatunayan natin na galing sa putik ang perang pinatayo nyan… at yung putik na tinapon nya sa mukha ng kanyang mga anak…kailangang patunayan mo sa korte para maging hero ka…hehehehe… duwag ka naman yata eh hehehehe ay naku ang mga tao talaga…

    Like

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