DOING A JOLIE

Loren’s Offer to the MILF
Reacting to the Moro Islamic Liberation Front’s appeal to Hollywood actress and UN goodwill ambassadress Angelina Jolie to help negotiate a peace pact with the government, Sen. Loren Legarda said she is willing to fill in for Jolie and help achieve a long-sought peace in the south… an offer rejected by some MILF leaders who said, “How can she help achieve peace in Mindanao when she can’t even help achieve peace at the Senate?”

Loren’s Offer to the MILF II
Sen. Loren Legarda said she’s willing to fill in for UN goodwill ambassadress Angelina Jolie to help achieve peace in Mindanao… an offer rejected by some MILF leaders who said, “How can she talk peace with the government when she couldn’t even talk peace with her husband?”

Loren’s Offer to the MILF III
Sen. Loren Legarda said she is willing to become this country’s Angelina Jolie to help achieve peace in Mindanao. To prove that she’s indeed serious with her offer, she’ll have her lips injected with collagen soon.

Loren’s Offer to the MILF IV
Sen. Loren Legarda said, “I will agree to be like Angelina Jolie but there will be no Brad Pitt,” to which Sen. Edgardo Angara said, “But I told you, I can try!”

MILF Survey Says…
An online survey conducted by the Moro Islamic Liberation Front revealed that North Cotabato Vice Governor Emmanuel Piñol, is the most hated government official by Muslims in the country today. A vocal critic of the canceled MOA on Ancestral Domain, Piñol is also the most hated government official… by the Arroyo government.

MILF Survey Says… II
President Arroyo is the second most hated government official by Muslims according to the online survey conducted by the MILF. Malacañang described the poll results as “unusual” mainly because “hate” lists are usually topped by the president.

GMA is Back null
President Arroyo is back from her five-day visit to the United States but reports say without the “promised investments.” That’s because instead of “selling” the Philippine economy, she sold Miriam Defensor-Santiago.

Vilma Santos and Lani Mercado null
Newsbreak magazine reported that Batangas governor Vilma Santos was being marketed as RP’s Sarah Palin, the Alaska governor and US vice presidential candidate. Now hear this: in last Wednesday’s birthday party of Sen. Bong Revilla, Lani Mercado invited Bong’s “other women” – Rufa Mae Quinto, Ruffa Gutierrez, and Gretchen Barretto. First we have our Sarah Palin, now we have our Hillary Clinton.

BFAD Ban null
The Bureau of Food and Drugs has banned at least 54 milk and milk-based products from mainland China, which the agency said, would be subject to testing for possible melamine contamination. The partial list includes Nestle ice cream, ice cream cones, chocolates, and even noodles. Sharon Cuneta described the ban as “unfairly cruel.”

UAAP Finals: A Postscript
The Ateneo Blue Eagles trounced the De La Salle Green Archers to win the UAAP men’s basketball title. After the heartbreaking loss, La Salle coach Franz Pumaren described Game 2 of the UAAP Finals as the “worst officiated” game ever. In another news dismissed by Pumaren as totally irrelevant, his kids have admitted that their dad loves to read them his favorite bedtime story of late: the Aesop fable “The Fox and the Grapes.”

null Metro Tremors null
Two “moderately strong” earthquakes rocked Metro Manila before noon yesterday. Phivolcs has refused to put the blame on actress Nadia Montenegro and Rose Flaminiano who reportedly squared off the exact time the tremors were felt.

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

16 thoughts on “DOING A JOLIE”

  1. hahaha…si Loren instead of Angelina??! nyork..nyork..nyork…! pero infairness ha ang MILF nagmamainam pa sa kung sino ang gustong negotiator!

    Mr. H, i think kaya ininvite ni Lani yun mga EX ni Bong para daw dun na lang sila magcelebrate lahat..baka kasi magset pa si Bong ng different dates with Greta and Rufa Mae..hehehehehe..mahirap na! at least sa party nakikita nya yun galaw nila di ba?! 😆

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  2. Loren doesn’t need to be Angelina Jolie to help others. Gaya-gaya lang siya! She should make her own “name”. I totally agree what MILF leaders comments. Sa senado nga hindi niya mabati sina Senator Ping and Manny. Sa mindanao pa?!

    That picture of her is very. GRRR. Ang arte! Loren-Ed Loveteam? NYEK! Baka hindi manalo ng “presidential” elections yan. But I think if Ed is annulled, pwede maging sila kasi parehas ang political views nila. Do you believe naging sila?

    You should read this blind item: http://www.abante-tonite.com/issue/sep1607/hulaan.htm

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  3. Loren’s Offer to the MILF
    -Aysus! Ano gagawin nya dun? Mamimigay ng Lucida-DS? Ariel? Credit Cards?

    Loren’s Offer to the MILF II
    -To which Loren quips ala Ate Guy in Flor Contemplacion:
    “I… did not kill… anybody!” (single tear drop left eye) Toinks!

    Loren’s Offer to the MILF III
    What’s with this fixation to do an Angelina Jolie? Wag na collagen ang isaksak… Lucida-DS and Ariel na lang in saline solution.

    Loren’s Offer to the MILF IV
    Sen. Loren Legarda said, “I will agree to be like Angelina Jolie but there will be no Brad Pitt,” to which Sen. Edgardo Angara said, “But I told you, I can try!”
    -Sweet! Mr. and Mrs. Smith part II?

    MILF Survey Says…
    Piñol the most hated government official by Muslims in the country today and by the Arroyo government.
    -Ay! Kawawa naman… Hindi siya bati… Beeeh!

    MILF Survey Says…II
    President Arroyo is the second most hated government official by Muslims
    -To which GMA quips ala Ate Shawie in P.S. I Love You:
    “I don’t want to be your number one. Kasi pag may number 1 may number 2…
    I want to be your only one!” – Naman!!!

    GMA is Back
    She sold Miriam? Nabili ba naman?

    Vilma Santos and Lani Mercado
    Vilma Santos – Sarah Palin of the Philippines?
    Teka di ba mas sikat si Ate Vi? Newsbreak Magazine…. Hello!
    Paliguan ko kayo ng Bear Brand Sterilized sige kayo…

    Lani Mercado – This is either a major “Tupperware” as in plastikan party or naniniwala siya sa kasabihang keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Teka… di ba marami ring pulitikong invited? Hindi kaya…. Hmmmmm…. wag na nga…. mademanda pa ako.

    BFAD Ban
    ASUS! I-Test pa ba? I-Ban na for life let’s do a Singapore for once. Ate Shawie… endorse ka na lang muna ng…… sanitary napkin? Para may partner na yung pH?

    UAAP Finals: A Postscript
    Isama na rin sa reading yung press release ng lahat nang talunan tuwing eleksyon… Ayos!

    Metro Tremors
    Bwahahahahaha!

    Like

  4. DOING A JOLIE

    Loren’s Offer to the MILF

    Humahataw parin pa pala tong si Lolo Angara may libog parin hehehe…viagra lang kailangan hahaha. Eto namang si Loren mahilig talaga sa mga amoy lupa, siguro wala siyang father figure nung lumalaki.

    Baka pag pumunta siya sa kuta ng MILF ma tipuhan niya rin si Lolo Umbrakato.

    Vilma Santos – Sarah Palin of the Philippines?

    Naku baka dumugo ang ilong natin pag nagtangkang mag-inggles to si Vilama upang gayahin si Palin…”Its a blessing in the sky, you can never can tell” AHAHHAH…

    BFAD Ban

    Dapat yung mga chinese mag export na lang ng gatas ng ina para walang contamination,marami naman sila dun at mura lang buhay dun, kaya kayang-kaya nilang gumawa ng factory ng gatas ng tao.

    Like

  5. HI, like your wit yet I do disagree with comparing Vilma Santos for being a Palin. If you see her projects and how the citizens of Batangas treat her, you’ll see she’s miles from Palin…p.s. even several close Palin’s friends are not set on voting for her, something that has not happened to Ate Vi…
    Am not a fan but I do believe her being an exception to the rule that actors belong on stage…a parody really or our own ‘Haley’s Comet’…

    More power to you, gotta say this blog is smart and worth reading!

    Like

  6. I like Senator Loren Legard so much.. Nako, alam ko maraming mga commentators dito ayaw sa kanya. She’s a very hardworking senator; maraming na siyang nagawang batas kahit kakapanalo pa lang niya. Last time I heard around 100 bills na?

    Besides, she signed my picture with her when I visited the Senate last year.

    Like

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