Uncorroborated Allegation

President Arroyo said an internal and discreet investigation conducted by Malacañang on the alleged bribery in connection with the controversial national broadband network project found no irregularities. In short, bribery is just a “regular” thing under this government.

Top 5 Questions Asked During the NBN Probe Conducted Internally & Discreetly by Malacañang

5: To First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo: “What finger did you point at Joey De Venecia? If it’s not the middle finger, then why should they implicate you?”

4: To DOTC Sec. Leandro Mendoza: “You signed the NBN deal for the Philippine government, right? What was the color of the pen you used?”

3: To a ZTE Representative: “Fo yu infu: Abalos onli ask for bride not bribe. Oki? Do yu hev hearing defek?”

2: To CHEd Chairman and former NEDA Director Romulo Neri: “Is it true that Abalos tried to bribe you so that you’ll approve of the ZTE deal? Answer yes and you will lose your job! So, what’s your answer?”

And the number 1 question asked during the NBN probe conducted internally & discreetly by Malacañang…

1: To Comelec Chairman Benjamin Abalos: “Did you enjoy it? If yes… well, at your age… hmmm… what’s wrong with the deal then?”

Assassination Threat vs. GMA

National Security Adviser Norberto Gonzales bares another plot to assassinate President Arroyo, the third or fourth threat in three months. More and more Filipinos want to become a hero.

Tired Joey

Businessman Jose “Joey” De Venecia III was quoted to have said, “I’m tired of corruption in government.” Geez, how dare him speak ill of his own father in public!?!

“Joey’s the Chaser”

Comelec Chairman Benjamin Abalos revealed that it was businessman Joey De Venecia who actually chased him, and visited his Wack-Wack office five or six times. Now that explains why De Venecia has been “losing hair.” *Wink*

Jimenez Withdraws Suits

Saying he wants to have “peace of mind,” former Manila representative Mark Jimenez has withdrawn the cases he filed against Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez, former justice chief Hernani Perez, his estranged wife Caroline, and three children. For Nani Perez, the withdrawal of the case was “godly;” for Caroline, “virtuous;” for Raul Gonzales, “premonition.”

Improving the PBA

Members of the Philippine Basketball Association or PBA board have approved a new set of rules that will make PBA games more exciting – they will finally allow Filipinos to play on the court!

Courteousness Survey

The city of Manila is the 21st most courteous city in the world according to the Reader’s Digest global survey on courteousness conducted last July. Manila edged out its neighbors including Hong Kong, Bangkok, Taiwan, Kuala Lumpur, Singapore, Jakarta, and Seoul as well as first world cities Sydney, Moscow, Milan, and Bucharest. Tingnan mo nga naman. Sinong mag-aakalang may mas bastos pa pala sa ‘tin?

Manila’s Courteousness Campaign

The city of Manila in partnership with Swiss chocolate brand Toblerone has declared October 20 as “Thank You Day” to show common courtesy and appreciation for others. Therefore, when a foreigner offers you a bribe, what will you say? Sabay-sabay… “Thank you!” (Very good!)

There’s No Truth to Rumors…

… that Marco Antonio Barrera has decided to withdraw from his scheduled October 6 fight against Manny Pacquiao. According to the grapevine, Barrera called off the fight after receiving a phone call from “a mystery man” who told him to “Back off!” Barrera’s camp dismissed the rumor as preposterous.

In Memoriam

The whole world is mourning the death of celebrated pantomime artist Marcel Marceau. In honor of this remarkable performer, let us all offer a moment of noise.

Author: professionalheckler

See About the Heckler

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