LIGHTS, CAMERA, SONA!

27 07 2016

1duterte2
PRESIDENT DUTERTE delivered his first State of the Nation Address before the joint session of Congress last Monday. Some analysts described it as “historic.” In fact, some were saying it was so special, Communications Secretary Martin Andanar hasn’t stopped crying.

Two days before the SONA, Secretary Andanar told the media the President’s speech would “awaken the patriot in every Filipino.” I’m not sure about that but the speech definitely awakened the stand-up comic in President Duterte.

Before Monday’s event, Communications Secretary Martin Andanar said the draft of President Duterte’s speech made him cry, and added, “May announcement sa SONA na makalaglag-upuan.” This just in: Brillante Mendoza has found a new dramatic actor for his next project.

PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ De La Rosa reported a downward trend in crime in the metro. Of course, that could change – now that Congress is back.

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Opening
President Duterte opened his speech by saying, “I will not waste precious time blaming those who are perceived to be responsible for the mess that we are in and suffering from. Finger-pointing is not the way.” To which, former president Noynoy Aquino said, “Inaano ba kita?”

President Duterte clarified though, “Those who betrayed the people’s trust shall not go unpunished.” Former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo couldn’t stop laughing at the President’s opening joke.

The President also said, “We cannot move forward if we allow the past to pull us back.” So, time to forget your ex. Move on. Find someone else.

Causes
According to the President, when he decided to seek the presidency, he knew what the ills of our country were; he knew their causes, and he was briefed on who caused the causes. The TV cameras then panned to the seated lawmakers in the session hall. Well played Direk Brillante, well played!

Love Not Hate
President Duterte also appealed, “If we cannot, as yet, love one another… let us not hate each other too much.” Duterte diehards and Carlos Celdran replied, “Try namin huh.”

Ceasefire
In his SONA, President Duterte declared a unilateral ceasefire with the Communist Party of the Philippines. It was overshadowed though by Duterte’s earlier declaration of a ceasefire with Sen. Leila De Lima.

President Duterte has declared a unilateral ceasefire with the CPP. He failed to declare ceasefire though with the CBCP.

RH Law
The President also ordered the full implementation of the Responsible Parenthood and Reproductive Health Law. And Tito Sotto was like, “Hello Mr. President. Pakiulit. ‘Di kita marinig. Choppy ka. Choppy.”

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The Director
Brillante Mendoza directed the TV coverage of President Duterte’s SONA. In fact, he gave Monday’s event a title. He called it “Ma’ Rody.”

Reacting to criticisms of his directing style during the SONA, Brillante Mendoza said, “Hindi naman lahat ng nanood admittedly ay film literate.” By the way, directing the SONA was the closest he could get to having a blockbuster project.

In case you didn’t know, Brillante Mendoza was the 62nd Cannes Film Festival best director. He won for his controversial film, ‘Kinatay’ – an indie drama which was shown in the Philippines in 2009 and seen by a dozen film literates.

Pic of the Weak
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“Hello netishensh! Alam ko ang iniiship n’yo! Mga walanghiya kayo. Umamin kayo! Ito ‘yon ‘no? Click n’yo!”
___________________________________________________________________________________
“Promises are only as strong as the person who gives them.”
~Stephen Richards

Sound Bites
“Hindi ko nga alam bakit nandito ako ngayon. Noon nandoon lang ako o. Totoo man. Sino man nagsuporta sa inyo sa akin dito? Wala man? [LAUGHS] Not a single congressman. Except for two provinces, governor. ‘Yun lang. Wala akong barangay captain. Wala akong… wala lahat. Pero ngayon… [LAUGHS].
~President Duterte talking about the opportunist turncoats in front of him #BURN

“Hindi naman lahat ng nanood admittedly ay film literate, pero ‘pag babasahin mo ‘yung mga sinabi ng mga film literate ay matutuwa ka.”
~Brillante Mendoza, #SONA2016 director

‘k.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte/SONA: Rappler; Brillante Mendoza: Malacañang]





LEAKED: DUTERTE’S 1ST SONA (EXCLUSIVE)

22 07 2016

A DRAFT of President Rodrigo Duterte’s First State of the Nation Address was sent to this blogger. Here are [unedited] excerpts of the speech. Exclusive!

dd

State of the Nation Address
of
Rodrigo R. Duterte
President of the Philippines

[To be delivered at the Session Hall of the House of Representatives, Batasang Pambansa Complex, Quezon City on July 28, 2016]

SPEAKER PANTALEON Alvarez, Senate President Aquilino ‘Koko’ Pimentel III, Vice President Leni Robredo, Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno, former presidents Fidel V. Ramos, Joseph Ejercito Estrada and Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo… (BOISTEROUS APPLAUSE)

Ma’am, puwede po bang tumayo kayo? Na-miss yata kayo ng inyong mga kasamahan dito sa Kongreso. (MORE APPLAUSE)

[Shobra ka naman Digong. Nakatayo na ako.] (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Palakpakan po ulit natin, former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo! (APPLAUSE)

Members of the House of Representatives and the Senate; distinguished members of the diplomatic corps; fellow workers in government,

Mga minamahal kong kababayan…

Change has come. (5-MINUTE APPLAUSE, STANDING OVATION)

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Magsasalita ba ako o papalakpak na lang kayo maghapon? (CANNED LAUGHTER/APPLAUSE)

Before I continue, gusto ko munang batiin si former president Noynoy Aquino na nanonood sa Times Street. Noy, huwag kang mag-alala ngayong hapon. Hindi ko sisisihin ang iyong administrasyon. (APPLAUSE)

As I have promised, hindi ko na hahabaan ang aking speech. Napakahalaga ng bawat segundo sa akin. Inaamin ko, ako ang nag-utos na tigilan na ang taunang fashion show sa red carpet sa labas. Sinasayang nito ang ating oras. (APPLAUSE)

Tingnan n’yo ang inyong mga sarili ngayong hapon. Napakaayos. Mukha kayong public servants na nag-oopisina. Samantalang dati kapag SONA, para kayong shoppers sa isang SM boutique – ang KULTURA. (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Kamakailan ay naipanalo natin ang arbitration case laban sa China. (APPLAUSE) Ang sabi ng Beijing noong isang linggo, “Sige, usap tayo. Pero i-disregard n’yo muna ang hatol.” Ulol! (APPLAUSE)

May natatanggap na batikos si DFA Sec. Perfecto Yasay Jr. nitong mga nakaraang araw. Pero ako na mismo ang magsasabi sa inyo… hinding-hindi natin isusuko ang claim sa pinag-aagawang mga isla! (APPLAUSE) At lalo namang hindi natin uurungan ang China! (STANDING OVATION)

* * * * *

Noong Biyernes sa isang drug raid sa Valenzuela, napatay natin ang big time Chinese drug lord na si Meco Tan. China: 0, Philippines: 1. (APPLAUSE)

PULIS
Noong kampanya, kung natatandaan n’yo, I promised to kill five criminals PER WEEK para maresolba ang problema sa peace and order! Humihingi po ako ng paumanhin at hindi ko natupad ang aking pangako. Dahil sa latest data ng PNP, mula nang ako ay maupo, ang napapatay PER DAY ay sampu! (APPLAUSE/STANDING OVATION)

Sabi nila, ‘Justice delayed is justice denied.’ Sang-ayon ako d’yan! Kaya’t mabilis ang pagkilos ng ating kapulisan. Wala nang Mira-Miranda rights sa hulihan! Diretso agad sa kulungan! ‘Wag ka lang manlalaban or else… condolence na lang! (APPLAUSE)

Marami ang nagsasabi, pinapatay ng kapulisan ang mga pusher at addict. Hindi raw nabibigyan ng pagkakataong ma-reform ang mga nalulong sa drugs. Liar! Hindi ba’t binigyan ko ng second chance si Ka Freddie Aguilar? (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Matapos ang eleksyon, nanawagan akong simulan ang healing sa buong bansa. Anuman ang naging kasalanan, dapat nang magkapatawaran. Nakinig naman ang Korte Suprema sa aking panawagan. Ayun… si GMA, pinakawalan. (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Noong isang linggo, nag-crack ang aspalto sa runway ng NAIA. Napamura ako. Sabi ko, “Pati ba naman runway nagdo-droga? Nagka-‘crack’ eh.” (NO REACTION)

Joke ‘yun. ‘Tang ina n’yo, tumawa kayo! (CANNED LAUGHTER/APPLAUSE)

Nang mag-crack ang NAIA runway, maraming pasahero ang naperwisyo. Maraming flights ang na-delay. Kaagad nag-sorry si Secretary Arthur Tugade. Meron ba kaming ibang sinisi? Wala. Baka sabihin naman ni Noynoy, wala kaming originality. (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Natutuwa rin ako dahil last week sa Pampanga… halos limampung miyembro ng New People’s Army ang nagsisuko. Bakit pa nga naman sila lalaban sa gobyerno kung mga kaalyado na nila ang nakaupo? (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Nalulungkot ako kapag may mga kababayan tayong umaalis at iniiwan ang kanilang mga mahal sa buhay. Ipinapangako ko, gagawa kami ng paraan upang sa susunod na mga taon ay wala nang umalis. Wala nang mang-iiwan. Maraming salamat nga pala sa tulong ng Sandiganbayan. Naglabas ito ng hold departure order laban sa mag-amang Binay! Walang aalis! Walang mang-iiwan! (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Humahanga tayo sa mga Pilipinong doble ang pagsisikap upang umunlad ang kanilang pamumuhay. Hindi sila nakukuntento sa iisang trabaho. Nasa Senado na, magboboksing pa. Manny Pacquiao, mabuhay ka! (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Baka sabihin n’yo puro masasamang balita ang lumalabas tungkol sa bansa: droga, shootout, extrajudicial killings. Pwes, pagandahin natin! Ngayong darating na 2017, ang Miss Universe pageant dito gaganapin! (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Ayaw ko namang magyabang pero mula nang kami ay maupo, hindi pa nasisira ang MRT o LRT. Wala pa naman kaming ginagawang bago. Divine intervention siguro ‘yan. Dasal lang talaga, dasal lang. (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Kahapon, may nabasa ako sa Internet. Bakit daw ang lagi lang nilang nakikita sa balita: “Pusher ako, ‘wag tularan.” Bakit daw walang, “Corrupt ako, ‘wag tularan!” Napaisip ako. May point nga naman. So, bakit ‘di natin sampolan? Sa hapong ito… bibigyan ko ng pagkakataong sumuko ang mga corrupt na nasa Batasan. Huwag n’yong hintaying tawagin ko ang inyong mga pangalan. Pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng aking speech, lahat ng corrupt, maiiwan! (NO REACTION)

‘Tang ina n’yo! Palakpak naman d’yan! (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Bago ako tuluyang magtapos, maraming salamat nga pala sa 91 percent na nagtitiwala sa akin at nagmamahal. Sa 9 percent na ‘di nagtitiwala, wala akong pakialam sa inyo mga Liberal! (APPLAUSE)

Hangang dito na lamang at Mabuhay ang Pilipinas! (APPLAUSE/STANDING OVATION)
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“Some things you don’t have to promise. You just do.”
~Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave

Sound Bites
“I denounce in the highest possible terms this latest demolition job linking me to maximum security inmate Jaybee Sebastian or to any other convicted or suspected drug lord or operator now or in the past. May I suggest for Calida to stop his fixation on ‘Throwback Thursday’ photos of me, and instead just start doing his real job of reading the 501-page decision on the West Philippine Sea case.”
~Sen. Leila De Lima on the latest demolition job against her

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Duterte: Philstar.com; Victim: DZMM Teleradyo]





SUSPECTED, SUSPECDEAD

19 07 2016

LAST WEEK, suspected drug lord Peter Lim sought audience with no less than President Duterte to deny his reported involvement in the illegal drugs trade. Netizens cry double standard in the government’s war against illegal drugs. They noted, “‘Pag mahirap ang suspek, patay agad pero ‘pag mayaman, nakikipag-meeting pa sa pangulo.”

The president’s spokesman Martin Andanar quickly denied the allegation.

1DUTERTELim
Peter Lim: Hindi ako drug lord!

Palace: Kay Presidente ka na lang magpaliwanag.

Peter Lim: Ayaw ko nga! Eh kung patayin ako nun?

Palace: Mayaman ka ba o mahirap?

Peter Lim: Mayaman.

Palace: You’re safe.

* * *

Lalaki sa Looban: Hindi ako pusher!

Pulis: Bang!

Lalaki sa Looban:

Pulis: Pasensya. Nanlaban ka eh. Wala akong choice.

* * *

Peter Lim: Hindi ako drug lord!

Palace: Kay Presidente ka na magpaliwanag.

Peter Lim: Si Presidente talaga ang haharap sa akin?!?

Palace: Ayaw mo?!? Choosy?

Peter Lim: Hindi. Excited lang.

* * *

Lalaki sa Kanto: Hindi ho ako pusher sir! Hindi ako pusher!

Pulis: Sa presinto ka na magpaliwanag!

Lalaki sa Kanto: Pwede ho bang kay Presidente na lang?

Pulis: Ambisyoso! Addict ka! Addict!

FullSizeRender
Peter Lim: Hindi ho ako drug lord!

Duterte: Ipapapatay kita ‘pag may nakuha akong ebidensya. Right now, submit yourself to an investigation.

Peter Lim: Hindi mo ako papatayin ngayon sir? Hindi totoo ang banta mo dati?

Duterte:

Peter Lim: Nagtatanong lang sir. Aalis na po ako. Thanks.

* * *

Suspek: Hindi ho ako pusher sir! Hindi ako pusher.

Pulis: Bang!

Suspek: Agad-agad?!?

Pulis: Lumalaban ka pa huh! Bang!

Suspek:

Pulis: Dapat kasi nakikinig kayo sa balita. Ang sabi ng ating pangulo, “I’m the President. I don’t give due process.” Pasensyahan, ‘di ka yata na-inform.

* * *

Peter Lim: Hindi ho ako drug lord!

Duterte: Sa NBI ka na magpaliwanag. Go!

Peter Lim: Go na talaga? As in… I can go? I’m free?!

Duterte:

Peter Lim: Nililinaw ko lang sir. [THANK YOU LORD!!!]

* * *

Pulis: Dapa. Dapa!

Tambay: Hindi ho ako pusher sir! Maawa kayo. Hindi ako pusher! Pakawalan n’yo ako!

Pulis: Anong pangalan mo?

Tambay: Peter sir. Peter Lim.

Pulis:

Tambay: Subok lang sir. Baka sakaling makalusot. Who knows ‘di ba?

New App
The Philippine National Police will activate a text hotline called “Text Bato.” A new Smartphone app which will allow ordinary Filipinos to send messages directly to PNP Chief Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa will also be launched soon. The app is called “Itaga mo sa Bato,” which was shorter and catchier than the original suggestion, “Bato, bato sa langit, ang tamaan… nanlaban.”
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“I guess the only time most people think about injustice is when it happens to them.”
~ Charles Bukowski, Ham on Rye

Worst Attendance
Official records show Manny Pacquiao attended only one session during the third and final regular session of the 16th Congress. When asked to justify his absences, Pacquiao said, “Colossians 2:5 For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit.”

Sound Bites
“I know that I’m now a subject of incessant vicious attacks in the social media. But I don’t intend to dignify them by probing into who’s behind them and why.”
~Sen. Leila De Lima on the viral video which showed her in a party with QC Rep. Alfred Vargas who was maliciously identified by idiots as detained drug lord Herbert Colangco

Say no to drugs.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Malacañang]





TRUSTED, TESTED

14 07 2016

1WSJ
AN INTERNATIONAL tribunal in The Hague ruled in favor of the Philippines in a maritime dispute. Beijing rejected the ruling saying it will continue to assert “territorial sovereignty and marine rights” in the South China Sea. Meanwhile, China thanked its allies in the region for their continued support namely Cambodia, Laos, and Foreign Affairs secretary Perfecto Yasay Jr.

Defiant
A United Nations-backed tribunal in The Hague has voted in favor of the Philippines in its maritime dispute with China. But a defiant Beijing refuses to accept the decision. Or as that’s also called here in the Philippines, the Bongbong Marcos Syndrome.

Charged
Former vice president Jejomar Binay has been formally charged with graft, falsification of public documents, and violation of the Government Procurement Act in connection with the alleged overpriced P2.2-billion Makati parking building. As expected, Binay’s spokesman Joey Salgado attacked Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales and accused her of protecting the people of Liberal Party – curiously forgetting there’s no one left in the Liberal Party.

Excellent
In the June 2016 survey of SWS, President Duterte obtained a net trust rating of 79 percent. Malacañang says the excellent rating is encouraging and vows to work double time to meet its goal: a good life for every Filipino, and the afterlife for every criminal.

Trusted
According to a recent SWS survey, 84 percent of Filipinos showed “much trust” in President Duterte. In another survey, 100 percent of Filipino-Chinese showed “much trust” in DFA Sec. Perfecto Yasay Jr.

Drug Test
Earlier this week, Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri underwent a drug test at the Senate and appealed to his fellow civil servants to do the same. When asked for comment, Cong. Toby Tiangco said, “’Pag drugs, ako agad?!? Automatic?!?”

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Volunteer
An alleged drug pusher identified through his ID as a volunteer for the Duterte campaign last elections was recently killed by cops in Zamboanga City. The Duterte supporter’s death has been ruled as a “suicide.”

Pacquiao
Quoting Top Rank promoter Bob Arum, several online reports say Manny Pacquiao plans to take a leave from the Philippine Senate to train for a possible bout either on Oct. 29 or November 5 contrary to his promise during the campaign he’d take his legislative work more seriously if elected. Interestingly, the online reports have the same headline: Told yah!

Pacquiao II
On Wednesday morning though, Manny Pacquiao denied reports he’s taking a leave of absence to resume his boxing career. So, no, he won’t leave the Senate. Tsk, sayang.

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Just Married
A 34-year-old man named Aaron Chervenak wed his phone in Las Vegas. Chervenak says the best thing about his new ‘wife’ is that it doesn’t have a mother.

A man from LA married his cellphone in a ceremony in Las Vegas, Nevada. The man vowed to stick it out with his phone for better, for worse, for richer, for pooer, in sickness and health, ‘til drained do them part.

A man married his cellphone in Las Vegas, Nevada. But like many other marriages, they’ll probably separate and the man will “upgrade.”

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Pic of the Weak
Lani Mercado posted this photo of character actor Dick Israel who recently visited plunder suspects Bong Revilla and Jinggoy Estrada. Dick and the dicks.

Furlough
The Sandiganbayan allowed Bong Revilla to leave his detention cell to visit his dentist. The court granted Bong’s request after seeing his photo with Dick Israel and realizing that a sparkling smile is necessary for future photo ops.
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“I would rather be a little nobody, then to be a evil somebody.”
~Abraham Lincoln

Soundbites
“Kababae mong tao, pa-shot shot ka? Anong suot mo? Naka-shorts ka, ’no?”
~Tito Sotto to an ‘Eat Bulaga’ contestant who revealed she was taken advantage of by her husband’s friends because she was drunk

Some things never change.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Wall Street Journal; Drug Suspect: ABSCBN News; Bong/Jinggoy: Lani Mercado; Phone Wedding: Daily Mail-UK]





BABALA: NAKAMAMATAY

8 07 2016

1luigiq
CONGRESSMAN Toby Tiangco has filed House Bill 412: An act providing for a ‘No work, No pay’ policy for members of Congress. When sought for their reaction, neophyte solon Geraldine Roman said, “Tama ‘yon!” Congresswoman Vilma Santos replied, “Kung hindi ka magtatrabaho, bakit ka babayaran?” And Sen. Manny Pacquiao said, “Inaano ko ba kayo?!”

Suspects
Cause of death and manner of death are two different terms used by forensic scientists. To differentiate, let’s use as example the recent cases of drug-related deaths in the Philippines. The ‘cause of death’ is gunshot wound – and the ‘manner of death’ is ‘nanlaban.’

1Nanlaban
During the campaign, then presidential candidate Rodrigo Duterte vowed to kill five suspected criminals per week. Since June 30 or in just 8 days, there have been 72 drug-related killings already in the country. Duterte has overachieved.

Noon
Pulis: Alam kong nand’yan ka lang sa loob ng iyong bahay! Bibigyan kita ng sampung minuto! Sumuko ka na kung ayaw mong masaktan!

Suspek: Susuko na po! Susuko na!

Ngayon
Pulis: Alam kong nand’yan ka lang sa loob ng iyong bahay! Bibigyan kita ng sampung minuto!

Suspek: Susuko na po! Susuko na!

Pulis: Tanga! Hindi kita pinasusuko. Gusto kong manlaban ka! Now na!

* * * * *

Noon
Pulis: Sakay! Bilis! Dadalhin ka namin sa presinto! Upo nang maayos! Huwag kang gagalaw d’yan kung ayaw mong masaktan.

Suspek: Opo sir.

Ngayon
Pulis: Sakay! Bilis! Dadalhin ka namin sa presinto! Upo nang maayos!

Suspek: Opo sir, hindi ako gagalaw.

Pulis: Tanga! Gumalaw ka! Mang-agaw ka ng baril. Bilis!

Exposed
President Duterte has named five police generals with alleged ties to drug lords. The list includes retired Chief Supt. Vicente Loot who is now the mayor of Daanbantayan town in northern Cebu. The general who has a net worth of more than 100 million pesos has issued a denial but the people find it hard to accept mainly because of his last name.

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Rewarded
Two of the most visible supporters of President Duterte during the campaign were TV host Kat De Castro and comedian Arnell Ignacio. De Castro has been appointed Tourism undersecretary while Ignacio has been named AVP for the community relation and services department of Pagcor. Congratulations! Hopefully, these appointments will help end speculations that De Castro and Ignacio will be officially declared Mga Pambansang Anino.

There’s no truth to tasteless and sexist rumors though that Mocha Uson will be appointed director of the National Meat Inspection Service.

1luigiq
#DOTAPaMore
In Cebu, two Mandaue City Hall employees were fired after they were photographed playing DOTA while on duty. Unfortunately, the lowly employees have realized that playing online games at work won’t be tolerated – unless your name is Juan Ponce Enrile.

Bong’s Teeth
Detained former senator Bong Revilla has asked the Sandiganbayan to allow him to undergo dental procedures for three days this month. The procedures include panoramic radiograph and composite fillings. Last April 11, Revilla was given permission to go to the hospital for a CT scan of his teeth – contrary to rumors he had a CT scan of his brain which wasn’t necessary because compared to his teeth, it is rarely used.

Smallest
A recent study published in the Journal of Female Health Sciences revealed Filipina women have the smallest breasts. Meanwhile, a separate study published in the Journal of Male Health Sciences revealed Filipino men are the loneliest husbands.
____________________________________________________________________________
“Death kills you once; worry kills you every day.”
~Marty Rubin

Sound Bites
“Ordinary workers are paid on a ‘no work, no pay’ basis, and it doesn’t make them feel humiliated. Why should their payment scheme be different from ours?”
~Cong. Toby Tiangco reacting to Senator Lacson’s comment that the ‘no work, no pay’ bill is demeaning to lawmakers

“Para sa akin, ‘yung bitay, mas ano pa. Kasi yung lethal injection, ano naman may rules din ba, or may batas din ang mga doctors na bawal din silang pumatay ng tao.”
~Manny Pacquiao on the reimposition of death penalty

#whut?!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: No Work, No Pay: Keep Calm-o-Matic.UK; Kat and Arnell: DOTA Boys: Mayor Luigi Quisumbing]





SLAY

4 07 2016

POSTSCRIPT TO AN INAUGURATION

The Past and the Future
1Multo

Self-Control
1D3Pray

Habit
1D30Oath

Guilty
1KaFreddie

Favorite
1Handa

Loser
1bb

.

11stFam

.

12ndfam

.

1Slay

The Late…

1bb

Can’t Wait
1Time
____________________________________________________________________________________
“The greatest leader is not necessarily the one who does the greatest things. He is the one that gets the people to do the greatest things.”
~Ronald Reagan

Sound Bites
“But the change, if it is to be permanent and significant, must start with us and in us.”
~President Duterte, 6.30.2016

Indeed.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Malacañang Photo Bureau, and Bea Cupin/Rappler: Kris Aquino]





HOTLINE, DRUG ADDICTS, BREXIT, AND OTHER STORIES

28 06 2016

1pdi
INCOMING PRESIDENT Rodrigo Duterte says he will set up 12 phone lines where people can directly call to report corruption in government. This early, Duterte is apologizing to potential callers because all 12 lines will be very busy.

Scenarios
Hotline: Office of the President, ano pong maitutulong namin?

Caller: ‘Yong aming congressman, magnanakaw.

Hotline: May pruweba ho ba kayo?

Caller: ‘Di ba ‘pag congressman, magnanakaw naman talaga? Nabago na ba?

* * * * *

Hotline: Office of the President, ano pong maitutulong namin?

Customs Official:

Hotline: Hello?!? Office of the President, may isusumbong ho ba kayo?

Customs Official:

Hotline: (ibinaba ang telepono)

Customs Official: ‘Tang ina, totoo nga.

* * * * *

Hotline: Good morning, sa Office of the President po ito, ano pong isusumbong n’yo?

Caller: Pwede bang malaman ang number ni Mocha Uson?

Hotline: Hindi ho ito directory.

Caller: Wala pa ring pagbabago sa gobyerno! Wala kayong silbi! Bye!

1Brexit
In a decision that shocked the international community, 52 percent of voters in the United Kingdom chose to leave the European Union. Analysts say leading advocates of Brexit succeeded because of their promise to eradicate criminality in 3 to 6 months.

Lost
He urged his countrymen to vote ‘Remain’ and campaigned really hard to win but British Prime Minister David Cameron still lost. He will step down soon, take a break, and probably, spend some quality time with his nephews, Josh and Bimby Cameron.

Wrong
In a referendum to decide whether the UK should leave or stay as a member of the European Union, survey firms predicted that 52 percent will vote Remain and 48 percent will vote Leave. They were wrong! The final vote showed 52 percent opted to ‘Leave’ and 48 percent voted to Remain. When sought for a reaction, London-based student Sandro Marcos says he respects the result of the election because the numbers totaled 100 percent.

Brexit Aftermath
In Scotland, where the ‘Remain’ vote prevailed, people are talking about leaving the United Kingdom through another referendum. In London, residents are calling for a referendum to decide whether Tom Hiddleston should leave or remain with Taylor Swift.

Critical
President Aquino was the guest of honor and commencement speaker at the recent Ateneo De Manila University graduation ceremony. The outgoing president encouraged the graduates to be critical. A skill he has mastered as president at the expense of the previous administration.

1kORINA
The Graduate
Journalist and ex-future First Lady Korina Sanchez is also a member of Class 2016. She just finished her master’s degree in journalism at the Ateneo De Manila University. In an interview before the elections, the feisty broadcaster said, taking higher studies wasn’t just to gain more knowledge but “a way to discipline my mind.” Said Anderson Cooper, “Good to know.”

Drug Addicts
Citing government data, incoming president Rodrigo Duterte says there are around 3 million drug addicts in the country. He explains not all drug addicts can be put in jail or rehab at the same time. Mostly awake at night, many of them roam the streets, jam with fellow addicts, or attend rave parties sponsored by a toothpaste brand.

Platform
Incoming president Rodrigo Duterte says his government is for the helpless, the hopeless, and the defenseless. And to prove this, he’ll continue doing what he has started in Davao City: wage war against suspected criminals who are helpless, hopeless, and defenseless.

1JonSnowGame of Thrones
Fans of the highly-acclaimed HBO series, ‘Game of Thrones’ are still talking about the epic Season 6 finalé. One of the show’s highlights was when supporters of Jon Snow declared him ‘King in the North’ prompting Bongbong Marcos to file a protest.

Draw
The highly-publicized URCC bout between actors Kiko Matos and Baron Geisler ended in a draw. Spectators who thought Matos dominated the fight were surprised by the result. Even more surprising was the fact that many people took this gimmickry seriously.
———————————————————————————————————————————————–
“In war, truth is the first casualty.”
~Aeschylus

Sound Bites
“I think that the Church not only should apologize to a gay person whom it offended but it must also apologize to the poor as well, to the women who have been exploited, to children who have been exploited by (being forced to) work. It must apologize for having blessed so many weapons.”
~Pope Francis

Winter is here.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Inquirer.net; Brexit: ICEF Monitor; Korina Sanchez, IG]





BATTLE OF THE BASTARDS

22 06 2016

GAME OF THRONES followers witnessed yet another epic battle on the hit HBO series. Scenes from the ‘Battle of the Bastards’ episode spawned a number of online materials that have gone viral. Here are some of my own GOT inspired memes.

Fight on.
1Jon Snow

Moving on.
1Rickon

Interests.
1GinaLopez

Ambition.
1Baelish

Going Solo.
2

Limited.
1MEETING

The Office.
1BoracayLeniJoy

Deadline.
1WunWun

Reality.
1Millennials

Mission.
3
——————————————————————————————————————————–
“The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.”
~David Friedman

Sound Bites
“That moment right there happened, and I was like ‘ok, I’m fine.’ And all I was thinking about in the back of my mind was Mamba mentality. Just Mamba mentality, that’s all I was thinking.”
~Kyrie Irving, on making the crucial shot that won the NBA championship for the Cleveland Cavaliers

Love life.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





ERRONEWS

16 06 2016

1salabs
IN A STRONGLY-WORDED statement, UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon condemns President-elect Rodrigo Duterte’s “apparent endorsement of extrajudicial killings.” Atty. Salvador Panelo blames “incorrect news reports” for the UN leader’s “wrong perception” and explains, “The President-elect has not endorsed, cannot and will never endorse extrajudicial killings.” To those asking, Atty. Salvador Panelo is the incoming presidential sanitizer.

Imaginary Q&A
Reporter: Sabi n’yo po wala kayong sakit. May medical report ho ba kayong maipapakita?

Duterte: Tang-ina, bastos ka ah! How is the vagina of your wife? Is it smelly? Or not smelly? Give me the report.

Panelo: Ang sabi po ng ating president-elect, mahalagang pagtuunan ng pansin ang kalusugan ng kababaihan. Healthy body, healthy mommy, healthy baby. That’s the essence of being a woman. Thank you.

* * *

Reporter: Hashtag ElNiñoLaNiña…

Duterte: El Niño, La Niña. ‘Tang ina, ‘di pa nga ako tapos sa el snatcher at la droga, bibigyan n’yo pa ako ng panibagong problema. Sige! Kayo na rito. Bwisit!

Panelo: Ang sabi po ng ating president-elect, hindi niya pwedeng ipagwalang-bahala ang bantang dulot ng climate change. Isa ‘yan sa kanyang tututukan kapag nasa palasyo na. Thank you.

* * *

Reporter: Ano pong masasabi n’yo sa pambabatikos ng mga obispo?

Duterte: Putang ina nila! Ipokrito sila!

Panelo: Ang sabi po ng ating president-elect, dapat maging open ang Simbahan sa mga pagbabago sa ating lipunan. Thank you.

Development
Lawyer Salvador Panelo will no longer be appointed as presidential spokesperson. Reports quoted Duterte as saying Panelo’s assignment as spokesman was temporary. Sought for a reaction, Panelo said, “Ang sabi po ng ating president-elect, napakahusay kong abogado para lang maging tagapagsalita. Thank you.”

1mateenOrlando Massacre
The US is still in shock following the murder of 49 people in Orlando by a lone shooter identified as Omar Mateen. Former classmates and co-workers described Mateen as an angry, stubborn, trashtalking man who always talked about killing. In other words, he had the potential to become president.

Lost
Defeated vice presidential candidate Ferdinand ‘Bongbong’ Marcos Jr. is incensed. In a recent statement, he spoke about vote buying, vote manipulation, and election fraud. Which sounded familiar because, as it turned out, he was reading from a document called, ‘The Martial Law Years.’

Accusing the administration of cheating in the last elections, Bongbong Marcos said, “Napakawalanghiya ang pagkagawa sa pambabastos at pagbabalewala sa boses ng taumbayan.” Or as his father would say, “Note to self.”

Drug Test
Incoming House speaker Pantaleon Alvarez is open to the idea of requiring lawmakers to take a drug test when the 17th Congress opens next month. In totally unrelated news, Jules Ledesma is really glad his term is over.

Outgoing
Negros Occidental Rep. Jules Ledesma is a three-termer solon. We won’t be seeing him in the upcoming 17th Congress just as we didn’t see him in the 14th, 15th and 16th Congresses.

1Demonyo
Evil
There’s a currently popular online test called, “Gaano ka kademonyo” that ‘calculates’ how “evil” a Facebook user is. I took the test for fun and the result showed I was 234 percent evil. A friend was “more evil” at 285 percent. When President-elect Rodrigo Duterte took the test, he got this reply, “Thank you for taking the test. No need to calculate… Master.”
—————————————————————————————————————————-
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
~Mark Twain

Sound Bites
“I long for the day when the LGBT community no longer has to live in fear of discrimination and hate crimes.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago (She turned 71 on June 15. Happy birthday Senator!)

“Love makes us strong. Love gives us the courage to act. Love gives us hope that change is possible. Love allows us to change the script. So love your country. Love your family. Love the families and the victims and the people of Orlando, but let’s remember that love is a verb. And to love means to do something.”
~Stephen Colbert on the Orlando club massacre

Love will always win.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Panelo: ABSCBN News; Mateen: fox News]





SUPER MAJORITY

9 06 2016

1DuterteINQ
DURING THE election period, PDP-Laban had only three members in the House of Representatives. Last week, the party successfully lured almost 200 solons into forming a ‘super majority’ in the Lower House. That’s not surprising though. Horticulturists say the balimbing tree produces fruits faster in a soil full of shit and manure.

Boycott
President-elect Rodrigo Duterte says he’ll no longer grant media interviews. Right now, only the crew of PTV 4 is being allowed entry to Duterte’s guest house in Davao City. To those asking, “PTV” stands for People’s Television and “4” is the average number of people who tune in to that channel everyday.

Plans
Incoming Presidential Communications Operations Office chief Martin Andanar says the Duterte administration may print its own tabloid. They haven’t decided on the tabloid’s name yet but Duterte is reportedly keen on calling it ‘Balitang Ina Mo.’

1JPEInqGoodbye
After spending 50 years in politics, hardworking senator Juan Ponce Enrile has said goodbye to public service. The 92-year-old says he will not involve himself again in politics and intends to just focus on the future. Which is near. And I mean, very near.

Juan Ponce Enrile spent the last 50 years of his life in politics. If there is justice in this world, he will spend the rest of his life in prison.

Goodbye II
Also over, Bong Revilla’s and Jinggoy Estrada’s senatorial terms. They can now concentrate on their jail terms.

Liability
President-elect Duterte’s choice for House Speaker, Davao del Norte Rep. Pantaleon Alvarez says the 17th Congress will lower the age of criminal liability from the current 15 years old to 12 years old. Alvarez has cited reports that more and more children are being used by criminal syndicates in their operations. If the proposed bill is approved, criminal liability will be from 12 to Juan Ponce Enrile.

SOCE
Election laws state that candidates must submit their statement of contributions and expenditures to the Commission on Elections. This year, the deadline was June 8 which coincidentally was declared World Fiction Writing Day.

Walang Himala
The Vatican has decreed that the reported apparitions of the Virgin Mary and the shower of rose petals in Lipa City, Batangas in 1948 had no supernatural basis. That came as a shock since it was announced by the same group of people who still believe in talking snakes or that humans can turn into pillars of salt.

1CNBC
US Polls
It’s official. Hillary Clinton will go head-to-head with Donald Trump in the US presidential elections this November. Clinton is the official candidate of the Democratic Party while controversial Trump won the nomination of PDP-Laban.
——————————————————————————————————————————
“There’s something wrong with your character if opportunity controls your loyalty.”
~Anonymous

Sound Bites
“Sorry huh. Talagang ano ako, boycott talaga until the end of my term. ‘Pag interview, maraming mali, marami namang criticism, so better no interview, no criticism, no wrong statement, no nothing
~President-elect Rodrigo Duterte

“Such provocative messages indicate to any person who is displeased by the work of a journalist or an activist, for example, that they can attack or kill them without fear of sanction.”
~Christof Heyns, UN expert on summary executions re: Duterte’s recent statement

“Fuck you UN… Shut up all of you.”
~President-elect Duterte

Stay classy.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte & Enrile: Inquirer.net; Trump & Clinton: CNBC]





OUT OF CONTEXT

3 06 2016

“Just because you’re a journalist doesn’t mean you’re exempted from assassination if you are a son of a bitch.”

1EricDeCastroReuters
President-elect Rodrigo Duterte’s controversial statement on the killing of corrupt journalists sparked outrage recently. Incoming presidential spokesperson Salvado Panelo, defense lawyer of the Ampatuans, said the media who “took Duterte out of context” must be more “discerning” about the foul-mouthed mayor’s statements. Panelo stressed, “Duterte is against all ILLEGAL killings.” The Davao Death Squad couldn’t stop laughing.

The president-elect’s spokesman during the campaign, Peter Laviña said Duterte was “taken out of context” by the media. Everytime Duterte’s controversial statements get flak, Laviña would correct those who “misinterpret” his statements – fueling speculations he’ll soon be appointed director of the Bureau of Corrections.

When a reporter covering his press conference insisted that bad journalism was not an excuse for murder, President-elect Duterte replied, “You have to debate with the killer, not me.” In other news, the Ampatuans just announced they have found a new lawyer.

Scenarios
A: Sexy Time
Duterte: Darling, sobrang lamig ng aircon. Naka-kamison ka. Naka-brief lang ako. Patay na ang ilaw. Alam mo na!

Woman: Grabe ka naman darling. Kagabi lang at kaninang umaga, nagtalik tayo ah. ‘Di ka ba napapagod?

Duterte: Huh?! Na-misinterpret mo na naman ako darling! Wala akong sinabing magtatalik tayo! ‘Tang ina! Matulog na nga tayo!

B: The Bodyguard
Duterte: O, Bogart. Iniwanan ka na naman pala ng girlfriend mo. Siguro ikaw talaga ang problema. Alam mo ba ‘yong Viagra?

Bodyguard: Sir, bente-siyete anyos lang ako. Hindi ko problema ang pagtayo ng ari ko.

Duterte: Bakit?! May sinabi ba akong may problema ka sa ari mo? Nagtanong lang ako dahil wala akong alam tungkol sa Viagra! Out of context ka, gago!

C: Bongbong
Duterte: Wala akong ibibigay na puwesto kay Robredo dahil malaki ang paggalang ko sa ‘yo. We’re friends.

Bongbong Marcos: Salamat Mayor. Ano bang balak mong ibigay na puwesto sa akin after ng one-year ban sa mga natalong kandidato?

Duterte: May sinabi ba akong bibigyan kita ng puwesto? Ang sabi ko lang wala akong ibibigay na puwesto kay Robredo. ‘Wag mo akong i-misinterpret. Sira ulo!

Change Is Coming
Trash-talking Mayor Duterte promises “metamorphosis” once he is sworn into office. Change will come he says. For example, he’ll lessen his “Putang inas” to 20 per week from the usual 50.

1Pastor
Saycon
Political operator Pastor Boy Saycon who was claiming election fraud tried to stop the proclamation of President-elect Rodrigo Duterte and Vice President-elect Leni Robredo last Monday. He failed!  But Saycon was so funny, he was given three minutes by Congress to do stand up comedy.

Pastor Boy Saycon accuses the Liberal Party of rigging the elections in Quezon Province. His three witnesses, all Iglesia Ni Cristo members, claimed 500,000 votes were shaved from Bongbong Marcos and added to the votes of Leni Robredo. But official results showed Robredo only got a total of 385,164 votes in the province. Congress told Saycon and his INC witnesses to return some other day but advised them to exert more effort rehearsing their lines.


Reptile Alert
A giant alligator was caught on tape taking a leisurely stroll on a Florida golf course. Reptiles on golf courses are unusual for some. In the Philippines, it’s called “Congress in recess.”

A giant alligator was filmed loping across a golf course in Florida. Filipinos praised the reptile for taking a stroll without a bodyguard.
——————————————————————————————————————————————-
“Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad.”
~Euripides

Sound Bites
“Puta’ng ina! Sinabi ko mga ugok, puta’ng ina. I can lose the presidency, my life, my honor. Just don’t fuck with me. Huwag n’yo na akong takutin. Boycott, boycott, leche kayo, e ‘di mag-boycott kayo!”
~President-elect Rodrigo Duterte

Six years. And he hasn’t officially started yet. SMH.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Erik De Castro/Reuters; Boy Saycon: Rappler]





PRESIDENT-ELECT D*&%!^3 – EXCLUSIVE!

27 05 2016

PRESIDENT-ELECT Rodrigo Duterte granted this blogger an exclusive interview but questions were pre-screened by his staff. Here’s the unedited transcript.

1DABS
Good evening Sir! President ho ba o mayor ang itatawag ko sa inyo?

Aba, iwan ko sa ‘yo. Pati ba naman ‘yan prublimahin ko pa?

Sige po. Unang tanong ko ho sa inyo: ano ang

Unang tanong? ‘Di ba nagtanong ka na kanina? Pangalawa na ‘yan. ‘Di ka marunong magbilang.

Sorry po. Diretso na ho tayo. Nakakailang ‘putang-ina’ ho kayo sa loob isang linggo?

Dipindi. Pag nanood ako sa news tapos nakita ko ang CBCP, “putang-ina!” ‘Pag nakita ko si De Lima, “putang-ina!” ‘Pag natrapik ako, “putang-ina.” ‘Pag nakarinig ako ng balita sa druga, “putang-ina!” More or less, mga labinlimang putang-ina every week.

Marami ho ba ‘yon o konti lang?

Kunti pa ‘yun. In fact, mas marami bago mag-eleksyon. Kasi, sabi ng advisers ko, “You speak the language of the masses para maka-relate sila sa ‘yo.” Eh ‘di yun nga ng ginawa ko, nag-putang-ina ako sa interview, nag-putang-ina ako sa campaign, nag-putang ina ako sa social media. Natuwa naman ako kasi bintang-binta nga sa tao. Ang lakas ng palakpak. Haha Kaya pasalamat ako sa advisers ko. Ang uutak nila, putang-ina!

Marami ho ang tutol sa pagpapalibing kay Marcos sa Libingan ng mga Bayani.

So anong problima mo? Marcos might not really be a hero, I accept that proposition, maybe. But certainly he was a soldier.

Tama ho. Sundalo siya. Pero ang tawag, ‘Libingan ng mga BAYANI.’ Nabago na ho ba?

Putang-ina namimilosopo ka pa. MY DECISION IS FINAL. Magpakamatay ako sa desisyon ko na ‘yan, panindigan ko.

Nagbabasa ba kayo ng Bible?

Before. Noong nasa Ateneo pa ako.

Hindi na po ngayon?

Sabi ko, ‘before.’ Hindi mo naintindihan ang before?

Before. Hehe Ano po ang favorite n’yong story sa Bible?

Isa lang. Nang patayin ni God ang mga drug pusher, drug addict, magnanakaw at iba pang masasamang tao sa mundo. Wala nang kulong-kulong o kaya trial-trial. Patay agad! Sabi ko, paglaki ko, gagayahin ko si God. So far, so good. Natupad naman ang dream ko.

Meron ho ba kayong favorite book sa Bible?

Marami. Genesis. 1 Corinthians, 1 Samuel, 2 Timothy, 2 Fast, 2 Furious.

Hindi ho book sa Bible ‘yan. Pelikula ho ‘yan.

Pelikula ba ‘yun? Nabago na pala?

Before.

Yawa!

Kung kayo raw ang masusunod, mas gusto n’yo ang tatlong anak lang?

Oo. Kasi mahirap kapag marami ang anak mo. Tapos wala kang ipakain? Patay kang bata ka.

Eh ba’t kayo ho, apat na ang anak.

Di mo kasi nakuha boy! Tatlo ang anak ko sa aking unang asawa. Ok na ‘yun. Dito sa pangalawa, isa pa lang. So allowed pa ako ng two more. Bobo ka rin ‘no?

1MV
Si Baste ho, dalawa na ang anak sa magkaibang babae. Wala pa ring asawa. Ok ba sa inyo ‘yun?

Anong magawa ko? Mana sa akin eh. Guwapo. Pero sabi ko nga sa kanya, ‘wag ka nang magpatol sa social media. Kasi ang dami d’yan sa Twitter, sa Facebook, sa Instagram, gustong paanak sa kanya. Itong mga millennials talaga, tatanga-tanga. Mali-mali naman ang grammar. Tang-ina.

Kasama pala sa security detail n’yo ang Filipino-Romanian policewoman na dating Miss Earth Philippines candidate. Ang ganda nun! Sinadya ho ba ‘yun?

Let me explain bago kayo mag-conclude mga putang-ina n’yo. Wala akong kinalaman sa assignment ng security ko. Sila ang pumili n’yan. Kaya kung nakikinig ka ngayon Lourd De Veyra…

Teka, bakit ho nadamay si Lourd?

Eh kasi sa Facebook, ipinost niya ang news tungkol sa magandang pulis na babantay sa akin, ‘tapos ang sabi niya, hashtag #AlamNaThis! Tangina mo. Hashtag buwang ka! Pastilan!

Pag-usapan ho natin ang inauguration n’yo. Limang minuto lang daw ang speech n’yo?

Totoo ‘yan. ‘Di naman kailangang mahaba eh. Ma-bore man ang audience ko. Sabihin ko lang dun ang mga gusto kong patayin at buhayin sa next six years, ok na ‘yun.

Excited na ba kayo sa oath taking?

Siyempre naman. At baguhin ko rin ang lines sa oath taking ko. Paigsiin ko rin para mas mabilis. Sabihin ko lang, “I, Rodrigo Roa Duterte, do solemnly swear.” Swear talaga? Putang-ina. Sakto. So help me God. Thank you!

Isyung showbiz naman ho tayo para maiba. Sabi sa news, nag-split na raw sina Enchong Dee at ang girlfriend niya. Bilang isang ama, ano pong maipapayo n’yo sa kanila?

Split? Saan sila nag-split? Sa sahig?

Hindi ho! Split. Meaning, break na sila.

Ahhhhhhh. Gago ka! Hindi mo agad nilinaw. Baka ma-bash ako ng fans ni Enchong. Ayaw kong makialam sa kanya. Pirsunal nila ‘yun. Ipakilala ko na lang siya kay Baste. Matuwa pa siya.

Si Enchong ho?

Bobo! ‘Yung babae. Sabi mo break na sila? Eh ‘di yung babae. Ipahamak mo pa ako gago!

Totoo ho bang may itinatago kayong sakit?

Hindi totoo ‘yan! Kung sinuman ang nagpakalat ng tsismis na may sakit ako, may cancer ako, o may lupus ako, dadapuan siya ng karma. Mamamatay siya mamayang 9:46 ng gabi.

Saktong oras talaga? Last na po Sir. Sabi ho n’yo mawawala na ang pagmumura n’yo kapag naproklama na kayo bilang pangulo. Hindi kaya ‘yan ang ikamatay n’yo?

Posible. Kaya hangga’t may time pa, lulubus-lubusin ko na. Putang-ina mo. Putang-ina n’yo! Thank you!

Maraming salamat Mr. President. ‘Ina mo rin!

Gago!

–End–
————————————————————————————————————————————
“Class is knowing what to say, when to say and when to stop.”
~Anonymous

Inaugural
President-elect Rodrigo Duterte says his inaugural speech won’t last more than 5 minutes. He’ll just spend the rest of the inaugural ceremony killing time.

Mayor Duterte says his inauguration will be very simple. Only finger food will be served at noontime and eating will not be allowed after that. That’s the reason why Sen. Franklin Drilon is not attending the event.

1le
The People Have Spoken
Congratulations Atty. Leni Robredo. You are our new vice president. Indeed, the last man standing is a woman! Woohoo!

Sound Bites
“Kasali ‘yun sa buhay ko. Kapag nawala ang mura ko, patay na ako ibig sabihin. Ganon ang lenggwahe ko. That is my universal identity.”
~President-elect Rodrigo Duterte

Fine.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: ABS-CBN News; Baste: MindaVote2016]





BIBLICAL

20 05 2016

1PacProc
THE COMMISSION on Elections has proclaimed the 12 newly-elected senators. Thirteenth place finisher Francis Tolentino, who asked the Supreme Court to stop the proclamation of the 10th, 11th and 12th place winners, failed to secure a TRO. Instead, the justices sent him a book called, “101 Ways to Move On.”

Pacquiao
Manny Pacquiao is now a senator. He was elected by 16,050,546 Filipinos. Observers say Pacquiao’s win brings him closer to the presidency. Some netizens howled, “Filipinos are not that dumb to make him president.” Believe me, they are.

Death Penalty
Senator-elect Manny Pacquiao, who is anti-RH Law, supports the restoration of the death penalty because “it’s Biblical.” He’s the first Filipino lawmaker in history to be pro-life and pro-death at the same time.

Rio Olympics
When asked if he would compete in the Rio Olympics, Pacquiao said, “I’ll let the people decide.” When asked if they wanted Pacquiao to go back to boxing, the people replied, “He should have just stayed there.”

Education
After being proclaimed as senator, Manny Pacquiao told the media he would push for better education for Filipinos. Which is essential if we want to prevent candidates like him from being voted again to the Senate.

1DeLimaDWIZ
Deserving
Former justice secretary Leila De Lima has been elected senator of the republic. The feisty lawyer got 14.14 million non-Iglesia Ni Cristo votes. Congratulations!

Defector
In 2010, the hardworking governor of Albay, Joey Salceda abandoned Gilbert Teodoro and defected to the Liberal Party. Last elections, he junked Liberal Party standard bearer Mar Roxas and defected to the camp of Sen. Grace Poe. Earlier this week, Salceda defected yet again, this time to the side of President-elect Rodrigo Duterte. There’s no doubt as to his competence as a local government official but if Martians would invade the Earth, Salceda would probably be the first person to defect to them.

Oldest
Mayor Rodrigo Duterte is the country’s oldest and the first septuagenarian president. In comparison, President Aquino is the youngest president to be elected who looks like a septuagenarian.

1MVInquirer
Choices
President-elect Rodrigo Duterte is planning to appoint Mark Villar, son of real estate magnate and former senator Manuel Villar, as DPWH secretary. In other news, Imelda Marcos is hoping to be appointed as head of the PCGG and Kim Wong expects to be offered the chairmanship of the Anti-Money Laundering Council.

Annabelle
Loquacious talent manager Annabelle Rama, who is friends with President-elect Rodrigo Duterte, was one of hundreds of well-wishers who visited Mayor Digong in Davao City last week. Rama says she is not interested in any government post. To which, “any government post” replied, “The feeling is mutual.”

Population
According to the Philippine Statistics Authority, there are now 100.9 million Filipinos. If you’re still single, what’s your excuse?
——————————————————————————————————————————
“The ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all.”
~John F. Kennedy

Briefly Noted
Jake Joson a.k.a. Pambansang Anino was present during Pacquiao’s proclamation as senator
1JakeJoson

Sound Bites: Manny Pacquiao
On capital punishment
“Biblical ang death penalty. Basahin nila sa Romans 13 nandoon ‘yan, pabor ako diyan.”
~Sen. Manny Pacquiao

On attending Senate sessions and avoiding absences
“As a Christian, hindi yata tama ang mangako ka. Gagawin natin lahat ng ating makakaya.”

SMH.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Pacquiao: Noel Celis, AFP/Getty Images; Mark Villar: Inquirer.net; De Lima: @DWIZ882; Jake Joson: Rappler]





PRESUMPTIVE

17 05 2016

IMELDA MARCOS with son Bongbong & family, and daughter Imee heard mass at the Baclaran Church last Sunday. The mass was not even finished yet when people inside the church started crowding the members of the former First Family and began taking photos – mostly, stolen shots. Those people just got even.

1marcoss
Mass II
Imelda Marcos and family attended church last Sunday. Reports say the Marcoses offered mass for “truth in the elections.” In totally unrelated news, Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner attended church last Sunday and offered mass for decency in newspapers.

Mass III
Bongbong Marcos heard mass with his mom, sister, and family last Sunday. His controversial son, Sandro Ferdinand was also there. When Sandro entered the church, he wondered why the number of people seated on the left side and right side of the church did not match.

Mass IV
Imelda Marcos’s nephew, Leyte 1st district Rep. Ferdinand Martin Romualdez attended mass too. Romualdez was the biggest spender among senatorial candidates in the last election. For TV ads alone, he shelled out more than 538 million pesos. Or as Romualdez calls it, “Maliit na bagay.”

Education
Reports say Sandro Marcos will soon return to London to study. He badly needs it.

1dddPlans
Rodrigo Duterte will ask Congress to revive the death penalty. But the presumprive president told the press he preferred execution by public hanging. Which, is more acceptable than his other option, the Davao Death Squad.

Presumptive president Rody Duterte said he would urge Congress to revive capital punishment – by hanging. He made the statement last Monday just minutes after watching the latest episode of Game of Thrones.

Karaoke Ban
In a press conference Monday, presumptive president Rodrigo Duterte talked about banning karaoke in public places after 10PM. Duterte also plans to ban the following songs: ‘I’ll Be,’ ‘Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang,’ ‘Wherever You Will Go,’ ‘Crazy For You,’ ‘I Will Survive’ and ‘Basang-basa Sa Ulan.’

Communists
Presumptive president Rodrigo Duterte has offered four cabinet posts to the Communist Party of the Philippines. Looks like Makabayan will be the new Akbayan.

1lenn
VP Race
Citing publicly available Comelec data, leading vice presidential candidate Leni Robredo claimed victory last Sunday. The announcement irked Bongbong Marcos, the presumptive loser.

Appearing exclusively on CNN Philippines, Bongbong Marcos claimed, “I have won.” This is coming from the guy who claimed he earned a degree from Oxford University.

ER
ER Ejercito lost his bid for governor of Laguna. That’s bad news for him – and even worse for moviegoers.

1GRRappler
A First
Filipinos have elected the country’s first transgender lawmaker: Geraldine Roman of Bataan. I would like to believe Filipino voters have matured. Just don’t mention anything about Manny Pacquiao, the senator.

Sure Winner
Senatorial candidate Manny Pacquiao will soon be declared as a winner. If, for any reason, the winner fails to fulfill his duties and responsibilities, don’t tell me we didn’t warn you.

Manny Pacquiao has won as senator. He is expected to continue the legacy of Lito Lapid.

1NASA
New Planets
NASA has reportedly spotted 1,284 new planets including nine that are “potentially habitable.” This is good news for Filipinos in case the Duterte government fails.
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“One of the first businesses of a sensible man is to know when he is beaten, and to leave off fighting at once.”
~Samuel Butler

Sound Bites
“Do not destroy my country because I will kill you. I will kill you. No middle ground. As long as the requirements of the law are there, if you try to evade arrest, refuse arrest… and you put up a good fight or resist violently, I will say: ‘Kill them’.”
~Presumptive president Rodrigo Duterte

Be humane.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

(Photos: Marcoses: GMA Network; Duterte: Asia Pacific.anu.edu; Geraldine Roman: Rappler; NASA)





ALARMING, SUSPICIOUS TREND

11 05 2016

1ddd
THE PEOPLE have spoken. Mayor Rodrigo Duterte will be our next president. He leads his rivals by a wide margin according to PPCRV’s quick count. Let’s respect the will of the people and allow the new president to effect change in our country and on the behavior of his most rabid supporters, hopefully.

Congratulations to some of the people behind the successful election campaign of Mayor Duterte: Carlos Dominguez, Peter Laviña, Butch Ramirez, and online political strategist, Mocha Uson.

1BBMGMA
The VP Race
When the quick count for vice president showed that Cong. Leni Robredo has overtaken Sen. Bongbong Marcos, the Marcos camp accused Robredo and the administration of cheating. They haven’t shown any proof of cheating but they sounded so sure because, you know, they’re experts on the subject.

The PPCRV says there’s no reason to terminate their election quick count. Earlier, Bongbong Marcos called for a stop to the quick count citing an “alarming and suspicious trend.” This “alarming and suspicious trend” was later identified as ‘bitterness.’

1Sandro
Alarming
On Twitter, City University London student Sandro Marcos, son of Bongbong Marcos accused the administration of cheating because the total number of votes for president and vice president were not identical. Apparently, for the young Marcos, the tally for both president and vice president must match. Political observers describe Sandro as young, brave, and a complete waste of our taxes.

1mISSINGVOTES
Alarming, Too
Marcos loyalists and supporters have been posting and sharing images that questioned the tally for vice president. They computed the difference between the votes for president and vice president and concluded that those votes were “missing.” Experts call this mindset the ‘Sandro Marcos Syndrome.’

Mistake
In Laoag City, Bureau of Election Inspectors said Sandro Ferdinand Marcos, son of vice presidential candidate Bongbong Marcos committed a mistake when he voted for two candidates for president. This voting error and that tweet reflect an “alarming trend.”

Last Monday, Sandro Ferdinand Marcos made a mistake when he voted for two presidents. To be fair, that was nothing compared to the mistake committed by Filipinos when they voted for his father to be the country’s vice president.

According to an Inquirer report, when Sandro Marcos was asked by the media about the “mistake,” the City University London student DENIED that he encountered problems with his ballot. And Bongbong Marcos was like, “Anak nga kita.”

Roxas, Poe Concede
After conceding to Mayor Duterte, the first thing that Mar Roxas did Tuesday afternoon was to eat a hamburger in a burger joint along Katipunan Avenue. In a press conference the night before, Sen. Grace Poe also conceded. The first thing that she did after conceding was to stand up and leave her chair.

Confident
After voting on Monday morning, Vice President Binay announced that he has drafted his victory speech. Binay is confident he will emerge victorious… against Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago.

After voting in San Antonio High School in Makati City, Vice President Binay, who has not tasted defeat in an election, said he would remain undefeated after Monday’s polls. In Makati.

1abby
30 Years and Counting
Abby Binay has won as mayor of Makati. She is the fourth member of the Binay family to hold that position since 1986 after her father, her mother, and her brother, Junjun. To be fair, siblings Nancy, Junjun and Abby Binay are willing to let others occupy the highest post in the city. But their children are still too young for that.

Close
The race for vice president between Sen. Bongbong Marcos and Cong. Leni Robredo is neck-and-neck. Meanwhile, the battle for the No. 1 position in the senatorial race between Joel Villanueva and Sen. Frank Drilon is also neck-and- , I mean, tight.

Pacquiao
Pacquiao started at No. 9 in the PPCRV quick count. He’s now at No. 7. Talk about an alarming trend.

More than 15 million Filipinos voted for Manny Pacquiao, the Lower House’s top absentee, to become senator. Who among you, dear readers, voted for him? Please raise your right hand. Then slap yourself.

Winning, Finally
Women’s rights advocate Risa Hontiveros is currently in 8th place in the race for senator. This is her third attempt. To prepare for this, she consulted her family, some women’s groups, and Pia Wurtzbach.
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“You can never achieve greatness until you can leave bitterness behind.”
~Debasish Mridha

Sound Bites
“Let me tell you: this is not a time for tears. For our country, we have had a peaceful successful transfer of power. It’s not about me. It’s not about anyone. It’s about how we love our country and how we’ll do all that we can can for her. She’s the only one.”
~Sec. Mar Roxas

“Kagabi, inihanda ko na ang victory speech namin dahil sa palagay ko, tulad ng nakita ninyo, na mga kasama kong nag-ikot ikot ay talagang mananalo tayo.”
~Vice President Binay

#LabanLeni

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Asia Pacific.anu.edu.au; BBM: Philippine Star, Sandro Marcos on Twitter; BBM Supporters; Abby Binay: Inquirer.net]








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