16 03 2018

PNP CHIEF Bato de la Rosa said the dismissal of charges filed against big-time drug lords angered his boss, Rodrigo Duterte who punched a wall in Malacañang. “Namaga ang kamay n’ya sa galit,” Bato added. That’s what you call a ‘punchline.’

Did he or did he not? In a series of ambush interviews, Duterte gave conflicting answers.

Reporter: Sir, totoo bang sinuntok n’yo ang wall sa palasyo sabi ni General Bato?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Dahil ba nadismis ang kaso laban sa mga big-time drug lord?

Duterte: Hindi! Dahil tinambakan ng San Miguel ang Ginebra sa Game 4. Tang ina. Nanood pa naman si Pareng Jawo tapos tambak. Yawa!

* * * * *

Reporter: Mr. President, totoo bang sinuntok mo ang pader sa Malacañang?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Dahil ba dinismiss ang kaso laban sa mga big-time drug lord?

Duterte: In a way.

Reporter: Paano pong “in a way?” Hindi ba nagalit kayo kasi nadismis ang kaso nila?

Duterte: Hindi! Nagalit ako kasi wala na silang kaso. Ako, meron pa sa ICC. Pisti!

* * * * *

Reporter: Mr. President, sabi ni General Bato namaga raw ang kamay mo dahil sinuntok mo ang pader sa Malacañang.

Duterte: Tama!

Reporter: Nagalit daw kayo sa pagkakadismis ng kaso ng big time drug lords. Tama rin po ba?

Duterte: Mali. Nagalit ako dahil nag-trend sa Twitter noong isang araw ang #DuterteDuwag. Nag-withdraw lang sa ICC, duwag agad? SAGUTIN MO AKO: Kapag nag-withdraw ba sa ICC, duwag?

Reporter: In a way Sir.


Reporter: No pala Sir. No. Next question na po…

* * * * *

Reporter: Sir, totoo bang sinuntok mo ang pader sa palasyo?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Totoo bang namaga ang kamay mo dahil sa pagsuntok?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Totoo bang nagalit kayo sa pagkakadismis ng kaso laban sa big time drug lords?

Duterte: Ba’t naman napunta sa drug lords ang usapan? Suntok at pader lang ang topic natin. ‘Wag kang lumayo.

* * * * *

Reporter: Mr. President, totoo bang sinuntok mo ang pader sa palasyo?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Totoo bang namaga ang kamay mo dahil sa pagsuntok?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Totoo bang nagalit ka dahil nadismis ang kaso laban sa big-time drug lords?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: INUULIT KO: Totoo bang nagalit ka dahil nadismis ang kaso laban sa big-time drug lords?


Reporter: Naninigurado lang Sir.

* * * * *

Reporter: Sir, totoo bang namaga ang kamay mo matapos mong suntukin ang pader sa palasyo?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Totoo bang nagalit ka raw kasi nadismis ang kaso laban kay Kerwin Espinosa?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon!

Reporter: Totoo rin bang nagalit ka kasi nadismis ang kaso laban sa kumpare mong si Peter Lim?

Duterte: Kay Kerwin na muna tayo mag-focus. Nananahimik ang ibang tao, ‘wag mong idamay.

* * * * *

Reporter: Sir, totoo bang sinuntok mo ang pader sa palasyo dahil sa sobrang galit?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon!

Reporter: Totoo bang namaga ang kamay mo dahil sa pagkakasuntok sa pader?

Duterte: Totoo rin ‘yon.

Reporter: Tingin kayo sa camera sir ‘tapos ipakita mo ang namamaga mong kamay.

Duterte: Kayo talaga, ‘di na mabiro. Kailan ba kayo masasanay? Next question na nga.
“Pathological liars can’t always tell truth from falsehood and contradict themselves in an interview. They are manipulative and are very brazen in terms of their manner.”
~Adrian Raine

Sound Bites
The attempt to withdraw from the ICC will not save anyone responsible for crimes against humanity from the ICC’s jurisdiction. The rules of the ICC are clear that it has jurisdiction over crimes committed in a state’s territory while the latter was a party to the Rome Statute.
~Center for International Law


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Associated Press]



12 03 2018

UNITED NATIONS High Commissioner for Human Rights Zeid Ra’ad al-Hussein says Rodrigo Duterte – who recently called a UN special rapporteur “malnourished”, and referred to an International Criminal Court prosecutor as “that black woman” – needs to “submit himself to some sort of psychiatric evaluation.” Reacting to the UN rights chief’s statement, Alan Peter Cayetano says, “The world actually needs more Dutertes.” Actually, the world needs more psychiatrists.

Duterte’s mouthpiece, Harry Roque, said the UN rights chief’s language was an insult to Filipinos. As opposed to Duterte’s language which is the epitome of class, morals and values and a source of great pride for Filipinos.

Harry Roque added, “Such language directed against a democratically elected head of a UN member country is uncalled for and is an affront to the sovereignty of the Republic of the Philippines.” A strong reaction from the spokesman of the Philippine president who has surrendered the republic’s sovereignty to China.

Role Model
Rodrigo Duterte’s spokesman Harry Roque, who is reportedly running for senator next year, says Mocha Uson is “a role model for women.” When asked about the things he liked most about Uson, Roque replied, “her loyalty, her charm, and her 5 million followers on Facebook.”

On International Women’s Day, palace spokesman Harry Roque praised attack dog Mocha Uson and called her “a role model for women.” Many Filipinas here and abroad were offended by the statement forcing Harry Roque to clarify he never said ‘role model’ but ‘troll model.’

Mar Roxas placed second in the 2016 presidential elections and Grace Poe came in third. Manny Pacquiao described this as ‘nakakapagtaka.’ To which, Roxas replied, “Parang ‘yong pagboto lang sa ‘yo ng tao.”

The Dep’t. of Interior and Local Government will recommend the declaration of a state of calamity in Boracay due to pollution. There’s just too much garbage. Talking about garbage, when will a state of calamity be declared in Malacañang?

The charges against alleged big-time drug lord and Duterte’s kumpare, Peter Lim and other high-profile drug personalities have been dismissed by Vitaliano Aguirre’s office. Here are some of the reactions we gathered:

Rodrigo Duterte: “‘Yung sinabi kong ako mismo ang papatay kay Peter Lim pag nakita ko, kalokohan lang ‘yun. Parang jetski lang. Maniwala pala kayo!”

Harry Roque: “Peter Lim is a role model for businessmen.”

Alan Peter Cayetano: “The world actually needs more Peter Lims.”

Kris Aquino: “May I invite these suspected drug lords to have coffee (i endorse Nespresso) or we can have a San Mig (i’ve endorsed them too & i’m cool w/ the lemon flavored) if that’s their preference. You guys have my word: hindi ako ‘magda-drama pag nagkaharap-harap na tayo.”


Duterte fanatics: Sinusunod lang ni Tatay Digong ang sinasabi ng ebidensya at ng batas. Mabuhay ka Tatay Digong! Watching from Dubai. Watching from Taiwan. Watching from Al Khobar. Watching from London. Watching from Ouagadougou. Watching from troll center Davao.

Manny Pacquiao: “Si Lord nga, nakapagpatawad, DOJ pa kaya?”

Noli De Castro:

Ted Failon:

Anthony Taberna:
“Leadership by deception isn’t leadership. It’s fraud.”
~DaShanne Stokes

Sound Bites
“Maski na ang napili mo son of a bitch na presidente, eh kung ‘yun ang pinili ng tao, wala tayong magawa.”
~Rodrigo Duterte


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: al-Hussein: Associated Press; Harry Roque:; Mocha: Manila Bulletin; Pacquiao: Mark R. Cristino/EPA; Peter Lim/Kerwin Espinosa: GMA News]


8 03 2018

‘THE SHAPE OF WATER’ won Best Picture at the 90th Academy Awards. Helmed by Mexican director Guillermo Del Toro, ‘The Shape of Water’ tells the story of a woman who fell in love with a monster. The film’s working title was ‘Honeylet.’

Frances McDormand won the best actress Oscar for the film ‘Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri.’ In her acceptance speech, she shared the award with her fellow nominees Meryl Streep, Sally Hawkins, Saoirse Ronan, Margot Robbie and Persida Acosta.

Best Actress winner Frances McDormand played the role of Mildred Hayes – an angry, grieving mother seeking justice for her daughter. Official reports say Mildred’s daughter has been murdered — although the VACC insisted she died due to the Dengvaxia vaccine.

In her Oscar winning performance, Frances McDormand played the role of a devastated mother seething at the lack of progress in the case of her murdered daughter. Using three billboards on the outskirts of her town, she wages war against the local police chief who was reportedly a regular at videoke parties, concerts, press conferences, Congressional hearings, and other social events.

Duterte mouthpiece Harry Roque watched the telecast of the 90th Academy Awards. Roque was raving about and rooting for ‘Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri’ when the ceremonies started. Before it was over, he was cheering for ‘The Shape of Water.’

Meryl Streep now has 21 Oscar nominations including a best actress nod for her role as publisher Katharine Graham in the movie ‘The Post,’ a best picture nominee. Steven Spielberg directed ‘The Post’ which tackled the importance of freedom of the press. Rodrigo Duterte calls it “the worst film in recent years.”

In the movie, then US President Richard Nixon tried to stop the Washington Post from releasing damning evidence about America’s unwinnable war in Vietnam. When the newspaper ran a series of investigative stories on the Watergate scandal, Nixon retaliated by barring reporters of the Post from entering the White House. When Mocha Uson heard this, she asked her Facebook followers, “Naniniwala ba kayong ang Watergate scandal ay produkto lamang ng fake news?”

‘The Shape of Water’ actor Doug Jones says it took five hours for make-up artists to transform him into a fish. In comparison, it took Harry Roque one term in Congress to transform himself into Duterte’s bitch.

It took five hours (per day!) to transform ‘The Shape of Water’ actor Doug Jones into a sea monster. Unconfirmed reports say director Guillermo Del Toro almost considered casting Jose Calida for the role to save time.

Gary Oldman won best actor for his performance as Winston Churchill in the World War II drama ‘Darkest Hour.’ His incredible transformation also took five hours to finish. Generating a lot of social media buzz of late is the ongoing (and troubling) transformation of Associate Justice Marvic Leonen.

Spoiler Alert: In ‘The Shape of Water,’ Eliza (Sally Hawkins) had sex with a ‘fish.’ That is hardly shocking considering that Congressional spouses have been sleeping with crocodiles for decades.
“I am not fit for this office and never should have been here.”
~Warren G. Harding

Sound Bites
But the idea of allowing China to exploit part of the Philippines’ exclusive economic zone is not only dangerous but also unlawful, Carpio warned: The “co-ownership” model would amount to ceding half of the West Philippine Sea to the Chinese, and “there is absolutely no way under the Constitution” that any sitting Philippine administration could give away the national patrimony like that.
~Editorial, Not only dangerous but unlawful

“If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.”
~Margaret Thatcher

Happy International Women’s Day!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Frances McDormand:; Getty Images (Jones); Courtesy of Fox Searchlight (Still); Gary Oldman:Youtube, Focus Pictures]


27 02 2018

THIS BLOG’S Slam Book Series started six years ago. The most recent one was posted in 2016 – Duterte’s slam book no less. Today, we continue the series with the slam book entry of controversial and infamous communications assistant secretary Mocha Uson.


“There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.”
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Sound Bites
“The facts are easily verifiable, the public record voluminous and indisputable — if only [Mocha Uson], her salary and the state resources at her command paid for by the people’s money, had the basic integrity to Google history instead of using her official perch to propagandize falsely, perniciously.”
~Editorial: Lying and deception in post-truth world


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.


19 02 2018

PHILIPPINE President Rodrigo Duterte relyrics ‘Never Enough’ – a song from the original soundtrack of the blockbuster film, ‘The Greatest Showman.’

Play the official music video for accompaniment.

I’m trying to hold my breath
Let it stay this way
Can’t let this moment end

You set off a dream with me
Getting darker now
Did you see all these coming?

Take my ass
Will you kiss or lick me
DDS without you

All the piles of a thousand bodies
All the lives I steal from those fam’lies
Will never be enough
Never be enough

Towers of corpses are still too little
Those cops could kill more poor but it’ll
Never be enough
Never be enough

For me
Never, never
Never, never
Never, for me
For me
Never enough
Never enough
Never enough
For me
For me
For me


All the sound of a thousand gunshots
All the men we snatch from their loved ones
Will never be enough
Never be enough

Powers I hold are still too little
These hands could rule the world but it’ll
Never be enough
Never be enough
“This and no other is the root from which a tyrant springs; when he first appears he is a protector.”

Sound Bites
Reports say China has recently named five underwater features in the Philippine Rise. Reacting to the report, palace and Beijing spokesperson Harry Roque said:

“China has named many things—‘siopao,’ ‘siomai,’ ‘ampao,’ pechay, ‘hototay.’” “This does not mean they are getting ownership of these.”


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: The Greatest Showman Video;;]


11 02 2018

IN CELEBRATION of Valentine’s Day 2018, here are some timely ‘hugot’ lines. Enjoy!


* * * * *


* * * * *


* * * * *


* * * * *


* * * * *


* * * * *


* * * * *


* * * * *


* * * * *


* * * * *


* * * * *


* * * * *


* * * * *


* * * * *

“An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.”
~Agatha Christie

Sound Bites
“Ang kailangang i-assert natin ‘yung sovereignty natin. Hindi kailangang hintayin natin kung kailan sila aalis. Kailangang mas matibay ang ating paninidigan; ipaglaban natin ‘yung ating teritoryo.”
~House Deputy Speaker Lorenzo “Erin” Tañada III


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo Sources: Harry Roque/ West Philippine Sea: Inquirer.Net; MRT 3: Dax Lucas via; Persida Acosta: Rappler; News; Mocha Uson:; TRAIN Infographic: ABSCBN News; Rice:; Veggies: Rappler; Bato: Philstar; Aguirre: Rappler; Peso Bills: Rappler; Duterte Finger: Reuters]


4 02 2018

HELLLLLLO! Nagulat kayo ‘no? I’m sure na-miss n’yo ‘ko! Aminin n’yo!

As I have said last week, afraid ang TV networks na bigyan ako ng show because of politics. Kainis ‘di ba?! Kaya dito na muna ako – paraket-raket online. Pero in fairness huh, never akong iniwan ng sponsors. Kaya look at me, look o, ang kinis-kinis ko pa rin. Glowing! Thank you Ever Bilena. Sabi nga ni Bimb kagabi, “Moooooooom, you don’t look like my mother na. We look like sisters already!” Naloka ako. Sabi ko, “Biiiiiiimb, it’s SIBLINGS not sisters! Hay naku, iba-bash ka na naman ng dirty-looking, homophobic broadcaster na laging talo sa elections!” Aha-ha-ha!

Anyway, thank you so much sa mga patuloy na nagtitiwala. I told Ate Ballsy nga, sa mga ganitong pagkakataon mo talaga malalaman ang tunay na nagmamahal sa ‘yo. ‘Di ba?! ‘Yong tipong down na down ka ‘tapos makaka-receive ka ng call saying, “Krissy, we want you to endorse our product!” I swear, naiiyak ako. It just goes to show na love love love pa rin n’yo talaga ako.

In fact, just an hour ago, may nag-inquire through text. Ang sabi, “Krissy, willing ka bang mag-endorse ng memorial plan?” Lalo akong naiyak. Ba’t ganun? Hindi pa naman dead ang career ko ‘di ba? I politely declined. ‘Tapos sabi ni Bimb, “Mooooooooom, but you’re dead na dead kay Tito Herbert!” Nakakaloka. Sabi ko, “Biiiiiiiiimb! That’s our secret, ‘di ba? ‘Wag mo naman akong ilaglag.” Aha-ha-ha!

Hay naku. Basta! Life goes on may TV show man o wala. This too shall pass. Hindi sila forever sa pwesto. May araw din kayo. Jooooooke! For sure, galit na si Mom sa heaven. “Krissy, behave! Don’t be vindictive!”

Fine. Quiet na lang ako. Aha-ha-ha.

Anyway, nag-monitor kami ni Bimb ng news nitong mga nakaraang araw, and we learned quite a few things. I wanna share them with you.

Una, last week ko lang nalaman na doktor na pala si Persida Acosta. Nakakaloka! Akala ko lawyer siya. She was insisting na super dami ng namatay sa Dengvaxia. Pati appendix na pumutok, Dengvaxia pa rin. May conclusions na agad siya. Even Bimb was like, “Moooooooooom, that’s sooo scary. Was I vaccinated?” Sabi ko, “No Bimb. There’s no need for that. Walang mosquitoes sa house ‘coz it’s so clean.”

Sabi niya, “’k!”

Aha-ha-ha! Bimb is so me talaga.

Na-realize ko rin last week, Pinoys are really bad at geography pala. Akala ng marami, nasa Batangas ang Tagaytay; nasa Bataan ang Corregidor, at nasa Saudi ang Dubai. All wrong! Pero ang ‘di ko kinaya, ‘yong sabihing matatagpuan sa Naga ang Mayon Volcano!!!! ‘Di baaa???? Kailan pa inilipat? In fairness huh, ‘di ‘yun nabalita! Nakakaloka. Ang tanga-tanga! But that’s fine. We all make mistakes. Hindi na ako lalayo. Akala ko nga noon, matatagpuan ang happiness sa lalaki. I was so wrong. Baka sabihin naman ni Bimb, “Moooooooooooom, you’re so emo!” Inunahan na kita Bimb. I am! Aha-ha-ha!

I remember so well, when Kuya Noy was still in office, sobrang haba lagi ng pila sa MRT. I should know, na-experience ko ‘yan, remember?

Tapos every month yata, may sira. So the people were like so gigil na talaga. And then nagamit pa ‘yon sa campaign against Mar Roxas. Ang ending: lost! Fast forward to 2018, naloka ako sa news na everyday pala, twice or thrice nasisira ang MRT. Super walk sa riles ang mga commuters! Every other day! And then Bimb said, “Mooooooooom! Why is this still happening? Tito Noy is no longer the president.” Aray ko!

“Biiiiiiiimb! You’re so mean to your Tito Noy! Hindi niya na fault ‘to! Mag-apologize ka! Now na.”

“’k. Sorry!”

Hindi n’yo naitatanong, super relate ako sa mga commuters. Trust me, I know the feeling! ‘Yong pinasakay ka, ‘tapos kapag ini-enjoy mo na ang lahat, sasabihin sa ‘yo, “We need to stop. Hanggang dito na lang tayo. This isn’t working.”

Ang sakit!

“Mooooooom! Tito Herbert again?! Move on na, ok?”


“Moooooooom! I said, move on.”


And then, another lesson we learned: Kung basketball player pala si Harry Roque, kakabugin niya si Vince Carter ng Sacramento Kings. By the way, Carter recently turned 41 and in fairness huh, he’s still very much active! And he can still score. Unlike some palaos na players I know.

“Moooooooom! You’re so bitter! He’s still my dad.”

“Biiiiiiiiimb! I didn’t mention names.”

“Moooooom! I know you. Aminin mo. You’re talking about my dad.”


Back to Harry Roque. I remember him leading and hosting some protest rallies in and out of UP. Like, he was this brave, principled human rights lawyer who was making laban for the country. So ‘yung pag-360 niya sa issues, malala pa kesa kay Carter. Hindi ko talaga kinaya nang sabihin niyang waste of taxpayers’ money ang pagsama sa rally ng mga taga-UP. SAY WHAT?!?

“And Mom, he also said we needed fake news to know true news.”

“I know, Bimb! Kadiri ‘di ba? Trapong-trapo na talaga every inch of his skin.”

“And that’s a lot of skin, Mom.”

“Biiiiiiimb! That’s bad.”

“But you started it.”

“I didn’t say he’s fat.”

“Did I say fat, Mom? I said, ‘lot of skin.’”

“You’re so good at this Bimb! Kainis ka!

“I’m your son, remember?”


And lastly, I have to say this, the government can learn a thing or two sa kaso ni Ricci Rivero ng La Salle. I haven’t been following collegiate basketball pero na-shock ako nang bonggang-bongga when I heard na kinick out ng La Salle ‘yung Rivero brothers, and a certain Brent Paraiso. Sorry, ‘di ako familiar sa kanya.

I mean, rules are rules. Kapag may ginawa kang bad o may na-violate ka, you should face the consequences of your actions. Unfortunately sa admin na ito, kapag tanga ka, kapag may mali ka, or worse, kapag pumatay ka, mapu-promote ka pa. Mabibigyan ka pa ng pwesto. ‘Di ba? Nakakaloka.

I’m from Ateneo but I salute La Salle. Kahit medyo tumaas ang kilay ko sa rason ng pagli-leave daw ni Ricci and those two other players, I believe na tama ang ginawa ng school. Fair but sad.

Aminin n’yo! Nanghinayang kayo kay Ricci! Sa other two, ‘di masyado. Aha-ha-ha! Pero kay Ricci, I’m sure concerned na concerned kayo!

“Mooooooooom! Ricci is only 19.”

“Why?!? What did I say?”

“Moooom, it’s obvious. You’re flirting. You’re hitting on him.”

Proclaim the truth and do not be silent through fear.
~Catherine of Siena

Sound Bites
“In fact, the deaths of 13 of the 14 autopsied (by PAO) were totally unrelated to the vaccine. We urge the Department of Justice to order PAO to stop performing autopsies on these children and to leave the matter of determining the cause of death to competent forensic pathologists.”
~Doctors for Public Welfare

President Duterte has threatened to kick out UP students who continue to hold protest actions against his administration saying they’re wasting people’s money. How about the people’s money spent on Mocha Uson and Duterte’s keyboard warriors? What do you call that, saving?

‘Wag kami.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kris Aquino on Instagram; @FabulousFlavius for Ricci Rivero’s photo]


23 01 2018


“UNANG-UNA, gusto ko munang magpasalamat sa UST Alumni Association sa award na ito. Noon, Best Dance Album lang mula PMPC ang nakukuha kong award. Ngayon, UST Alumni Association na ang nagpaparangal sa akin. Grabe, I have arrived.

May gusto lang po akong linawin tungkol sa award na ito. Hindi ko po ito inexpect at hindi ko po ito hiningi. Hinangad ko po ito. Prangkahan na.

Aaminin ko rin po, nang kilalanin ng Inquirer si Jover Laurio bilang Filipino of the Year, gumuho ang mundo ko. Isang linggo akong hindi nakakain. Limang araw akong hindi nakatulog at tatlong araw akong hindi nakapag-isip. Baka sabihin n’yo naman, “Sus, tatlong araw lang? Hindi ba isang taon na?” Inunahan ko na kayo. Pakyu.

Sabi ko, “’King inang PAB ‘yan. Naunahan pa akong magka-award! Chaka! Dasal lang, Mocha. Dasal lang talaga, sabi nga ni Alma. Hintay ka lang, darating din ang para sa ‘yo.” At ‘di pa nga lumilipas ang dalawang linggo, dumating na ang pinakahihintay ko: ang Thomasian Alumni Award for Government Service.


Naloka ako.

Naloka ang buong España.

Naloka si Pia Ranada.

Naloka ang mga Dilawan at maging mga Ka-DDS.

Naluka si Suzanne Vega.

Naloka ang natitirang hibla ng katinuan ko.

Pero anong magagawa ko? Blessing ito ni Lord. Ibinigay sa akin ito. Tatanggihan ko ba?

Umalma ang mga estudyante. Nagalit ang mga graduates ng UST. Nainsulto raw ang ilang alumni na una nang tumanggap ng parangal mula sa UST-Alumni Association. Nagbanta silang ibabalik ang tinanggap nilang award.

Pero hindi po ako natinag. Nagpakatatag po ako para kay Tatay Digong.

Hanggang sa mabasa ko ang sinabi ng mga opisyal ng UST-AA. Wala raw talagang set of criteria sa pagpili ng aawardan. Kahit sino raw, basta’t graduate ng UST, puwedeng bigyan ng award.

Napalunok po ako. Matagal ko na itong hindi ginagawa pero napalunok talaga ako.

Ano ‘to?!? Recognition Day sa elementary? Lahat ng bata may “Most” Award para walang umiyak? Most Punctual, Most Courteous, Most Helpful?!?

Inaamin ko po – nasaktan ako. Nanlambot.

Napahiya ako sa aking sarili.
Napahiya ako sa aking pamilya.
Napahiya ako sa aking bansa.
Napahiya ako sa susunod na henerasyon.

Lumuhod ako. Pumikit. Taimtim na nagdasal at humingi ng sign kay Lord kung ibabalik ko o hindi ang award. Naghintay ako… isang minuto, limang minuto, sampung minuto.

Kahit isang sign lang, Lord… PLEASE.

Isang oras akong naghintay pero wala akong natanggap na sign. Sumakit na ang tuhod ko sa pagkakaluhod pero wala talaga. WALA. Ibig sabihin, hindi ko dapat isauli ang award. Tinapos ko ang pagdadasal. Nag-sign of the cross na ako. Pagtayo ko, napautot ako.

Lord, not counted.

Bad trip! Hayyyyy. Labag man sa aking kalooban, susundin ko ang will ni Lord. A sign is a sign. Ngunit sa mga bumabatikos sa akin at sa UST Alumni Association, isa lang ang maipapayo ko sa inyo: ipagdasal n’yong mawala na ang inggit sa inyong mga katawan – lalo na kayong mga Dilawan! Punyeta kayo!

Sa mga Ka-DDS na patuloy na sumusuporta, maraming salamat po! Tuloy ang laban para kay Tatay Digong!

And finally, congratulations din nga pala kay Sir John Simon, ang vice president ng UST Alumni Association na na-appoint kamakailan ni Tatay Digong sa Customs. #GoUSTe


‘Yun lang po. Thank you.”
“People always clap for the wrong reasons.”
~J.D. Salinger

Sound Bites
“You have the right to embrace tyranny and bask on the perks granted the slavish. We will fight for our rights. And we will overcome.”
~Journalist Inday Varona’s reply to Duterte fanatic, Mocha defender, and award-winning writer Rebecca Añonuevo, a UST alum


[Photos: The Varsitarian; UST-AA President Henry Tenedero on FB]


19 01 2018


We, concerned Filipino bloggers, stand for the rights to free expression and to free speech. And our first responsibility is to protect these rights.

We thus stand with Rappler, its right to exist, the rights of its working journalists and contributors, and the rights of its community of readers.

We stand against moves to silence and scare journalists, bloggers and media practitioners just because the President and his ardent supporters dislike their news and views.

Now is a time for making choices amid battles between truth and lies, debate and dissonance, democracy and dictatorship.

We sign our names here to tell everyone we have made a choice. We are bloggers for freedom.

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado
Tonyo Cruz
Dale Bacar
Marcelle Fabie
Myk Mykapalaran Cruz
Rod Magaru
Ely Valendez
Alex Lapa
Tess Termulo
Zena Bernardo
Jover Laurio
James Romer V. Velina
Ramon Nocon
Flow Galindez
Helga Weber
Mc Richard Viana Paglicawan
Raymond Palatino
Loi Landicho
Saul de Jesus
Karlo Mongaya
Ricky Rivera
Mark Will Mayo Magallanes
Eyriche Cortez
Julius Mariveles
Yusuf Ledesma
RJ Barrete
Dino Manrique
Peachy Tan
Rhadem Camlian Morados
Julius Rocas
Jon Limjap
Markku Seguerra
Jam Ancheta
Estan Cabigas
Enrico Dee
Acee Vitangcol
Stefan Punongbayan
Jesus Falcis
Hancel Reyes
Czarina Maye Noche
JM Mariano
Reginald Agsalon
John Clifford Sibayan
Jane Uymatiao
Johnn Mendoza
Carlos Celdran
Christian Melanie
Jann Medina
Carlo Arvisu
Inday Espina Varona
Eugene Alvin Villar
Melo Villareal
Brian Ong
JM Tuazon
Fritz Tentativa
Fitz Villafuerte
Tina Antonio
Mykel Andrada
Reynaldo Pagsolingan Jr.
Renz Daniel de Vera

Published on January 19, 2018, Black Friday.

For those who wish to sign the statement, please fill out this form.
“If freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.”
~George Washington


15 01 2018



RAPPLER: “We will continue bringing you the news, holding the powerful to account for their actions and decisions, calling attention to government lapses that further disempower the disadvantaged. We will hold the line.” Read full statement here.
“Whoever would overthrow the liberty of a nation must begin by subduing the freeness of speech.”
~Benjamin Franklin

[Photos: Rappler; Duterte: Ted Aljibe/AFP/Getty Images]


13 01 2018

THE FIRST pre-election survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations showed Lito Lapid winning a Senate seat if elections were held today. Lapid is left wondering. How many times does he have to prove he’s unfit for the job?

If elections were held today, even Lito Lapid wouldn’t vote for Lito Lapid.

Jinggoy Estrada, who is facing corruption and plunder charges, also fared well in the survey. Respondents put him in 7th place. Filipinos being Filipinos. They deserve him.

Tough-talking radio host and Duterte defender Erwin Tulfo placed 12th in the SWS survey. Tulfo, known for being foul-mouthed like Duterte fared well not inspite of, but because of it.

Defeated vice presidential candidate Bongbong Marcos, who was also in the Magic 12, said he would not run for senator in 2019 because he “already won as vice president.” In other news, Elvis Presley is still alive; Hitler has been confirmed as the son of Jose Rizal, and a ‘snakeman’ was found inside a fitting room at Robinsons Galleria.

Bongbong Marcos recently tweeted, “During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a universal act. – Novelist George Orwell.” Apparently though, Bongbong wrongly attributed the quote to the novelist as pointed out by human rights lawyer Ruben Carranza. Bongbong quickly defended himself saying, “To be fair, ang anak kong si Sandro talaga ang nag-tweet nun.”

Those people handling Bongbong Marcos’s social media accounts should be careful in selecting quotes to post. I mean, a Marcos lecturing Filipinos about truth and deceit??!? How ironic is that?

Controversial Court of Appeals Justice Normandie Pizzaro is reportedly retiring next month, exactly a year AHEAD of his mandatory retirement. Who is Normandie Pizzaro? He recently penned the CA’s decision acquitting former Palawan Governor Joel Reyes of murder. He also penned the ruling that acquitted Janet Napoles last year as well as the decision junking a Hawaii court’s order to award damages to Martial Law victims. Suddenly, Pizzaro is retiring. Well, he can now afford.

Normandie Pizzaro is retiring as Court of Appeals justice. He penned the ruling which exonerated Joel Reyes and Janet Napoles as well as the decision junking a Hawaii court’s order to compensate Martial Law victims. With these ‘qualifications,’ he could be the next Duterte appointee.

After meeting with the officials of the Communist Party of China, President Duterte said the bond between the Philippines and China is getting stronger everyday. In fact, it’s now as strong as those illegal Chinese structures in the West Philippine Sea.”

President Duterte announced he would sack some 70 policemen who are being accused of corruption. Duterte reiterated he wouldn’t tolerate ‘kotong’ cops – unless those cops have killed a certain number of drug suspects.

According to palace spokesperson Harry Roque, “Asahan ninyo po na wala pong sinasanto ang Presidente, wala po iyang kaibigan, walang kaklase, walang kabarilan. Basta ikaw ay palpak, ikaw ay sibak.” To which, Malacañang reporters replied, “Charot!”

Duterte’s spokesman Harry Roque said, “Asahan ninyo po na wala pong sinasanto ang Presidente.“ When he heard this, Ferdinand Marcos said, “Iba ang sinabi niya sa akin.”

Harry Roque told the press, “Wala pong sinasanto ang Presidente… basta ikaw ay palpak, ikaw ay sibak.” And Martin Andanar was like, “O, ba’t nakatingin kayong lahat sa akin?”

Researchers released a study saying President Trump speaks at a fourth-grade level. The researchers then released a statement apologizing to fourth graders.

A new analysis revealed US President Donald Trump has limited vocabulary and speaks like a fourth grader. In comparison, Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte was just a first grader when he learned to speak words like ‘yawa,’ ‘pisti,’ “iyot,’ and ‘pastilan!’ No match.

According to Pornhub, Filipinos spent the longest time per visit on the porn site in 2017. Filipinos spent 13 minutes and 28 seconds on the average per day. That’s a lot of f____g. But still, that’s nothing compared to Filipinos who get to watch one another get screwed by government leaders 24/7.
“Elections, for their part, are typically popularity contests rather than measures of candidates’ relative competency or effectiveness.”
~Nathan Paul Myhrvold

Sound Bites
“Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?”
~Douchebag Donald Trump describing some developing countries like El Salvador, Nicaragua, Haiti, and African nations on the issue of immigration


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Senate; Pizzaro: CA; Napoles:; Harry Roque:; CBS News]


6 01 2018

TRAIN, TAXES, a cursing senator, Mocha Girls, high profile suspects, and more. Are you updated? Take this week’s Current Events Quiz!

1: WIN OR LOSE. Tweeting from Nevada, USA, Sherwin Gatchalian, a senator, had an outburst earlier this week. Tinawag nitong “ulol” at “gago” ang ilang netizens na nakasagutan niya sa Twitter. Ano ba ang sinabi ng netizens na  ikinagalit ni Gatchalian?
A: Trapo! Ingrato!
B: Intsik ka kasi kaya sipsip kay Duterte.
C: Kung gaano kaliit ang mata mo, ganun din kaliit ang utak mo! Malamang pati tit* mo!

Letter A: Tinawag siyang trapo at ingrato ng netizens matapos niyang batikusin ang administrasyon ni Noynoy Aquino na dati naman niyang sinusuportahan.

2: NO APOLOGIES. Tumangging humingi ng paumanhin si Sherwin Gatchalian matapos magmura sa Twitter. Katwiran ni Win, bayaran at robot daw ang mga nakasagutan niya. Nag-react naman si Lea Salonga. Ano ang sinabi ni Coach Lea via her Twitter account?
A: “Oh dear. If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen.”
B: “Your choice of words speaks volumes about your true character.”
C: “If they were robots and you replied to robots, what does that say about you?”

Letter A. Lea added: “Let’s keep all discourses respectful, even when our opinions are contrary to someone else’s.” Word.

3: WANTED. Mocha Uson’s sexy dance group, the Mocha Girls, is looking for new members. Alin sa mga sumusunod ang ipinagbabawal ng grupo sa prospective applicants?
A: Tsismosa, insecure, at inggiterang babae
B: Sex addict
C: Fame whore

All of the above! Ayon sa inilabas na announcement ng grupo, ang mga ‘yan ang kanilang iniiwasan sa aplikante! Wait, were they describing their leader?

4: FREE MAN. Matapos palayain ng Angeles City RTC (na ikinagulat ng PDEA), nabiktima ng fake news si Mark Anthony Fernandez. Ano ang kumalat na tsismis tungkol sa aktor?
A: Nakabuntis ng dalawang jail guards
B: Umaming nagkaroon ng relasyon sa isang bading na inmate
C: Nag-check-in sa isang hotel kasama ang ex-girlfriend na si Claudine Barretto

Letter A. Ayon sa kumalat na fake news, nabuntis daw ni Mark ang dalawang jail guards. His late dad’s manager, Lolit Solis denied the rumor.

5: FREE MAN 2: Former Palawan governor Joel Reyes, the alleged mastermind in the brutal murder of journalist and environmentalist Dr. Gerry Ortega has also been freed. Aba, nakikiuso! Matapos palayain, ano ang unang ginawa ni Reyes?
A: Tumawag sa Jollibee at nagpa-deliver
B: Tumawag kay President Duterte at nagpasalamat
C: Tumawag kay House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez para mag-apply sa PDP-Laban

None of the above. Pero ‘yong B & C, hindi imposibleng mangyari.

6: TAX NG INA N’YO. Sa ilalim ng pinag-uusapan ngayong Tax Reform for Acceleration and Inclusion (Train) Law, alin sa mga ito ang totoo:
A: Sa halip na 12 percent, papatawan ng 24 percent tax ang restaurant bill ng employed couple (kasal man o hindi)
B: May 20 percent tax kapag nanalo ka ng more than P10,000 sa lotto at iba pang games ng PCSO
C: Para mas maging affordable ang pagpaparetoke, wala nang babayarang tax ang mga cosmetic surgeons.

Letter B: May tax na ang lotto at iba pang games ng PCSO! So kahit 20,000 lang ang napanalunan mo, katorse mil na lang ang ibibigay sa ‘yo.

7: ASSUMING. Matapos makasama sa tinatawag Magic 12 sa isang senatorial survey, sinabi ni Sara Duterte na payag siyang mapunta sa iba ang slot niya basta’t ____________.
A: “’Wag lang akong inisin ng mga kalaban ni President Duterte.”
B: “’Wag lang akong i-bash sa social media.”
C: “’Wag lang akong topakin. Lagi pa naman akong tinotopak.”


Letter C. “‘Wag lang akong topakin. Lagi pa naman akong tinotopak.” Joooke! The answer is A.

8: NATIONAL ISSUE. “Headline” ngayon si Sunshine Cruz matapos “pagpiyestahan” ang kanyang Instagram photo kung saan kita ang kanyang:
A: Kaliwang nipple
B: Maputing butt crack o kuyukot
C: Maputing kilikili

Letter C. Dahil ito ang solusyon sa tumataas na halaga ng bilihin, ibinalita ng ilang news outlets ang “flawless” daw na kilikili ni Sunshine Cruz!

9: CONSISTENT. Mula nang pumasok ang 2018, ilang beses nang nasisira ang MRT 3 (As of Saturday, January 6)?
A: Tatlo. MWF. At least may sked na. Sanayan lang.
B: Siyam na. Ganun talaga. Magtaka kayo kapag ‘di nasira. ‘Yun ang nakakatakot.
C: Isang beses pa lang naman. Grabe naman kayo. Napaka-nega. Inaano ba kayo ng MRT!?

Letter B. Siyam na. At least consistent. Gusto yatang i-break ang more than 500 glitches na naitala last year.

10: ACCEPTED. Tinanggap na ni Pangulong Duterte ang pagbibitiw sa tungkulin ni Pulong Duterte. Ano raw ang sinabi ng pangulo matapos tanggapin ang resignation ng kanyang panganay?
A: Mag-focus ka na lang sa smuggling………… Juk lang!
B: Tumakbo ka na lang miyor ‘pag sinador na si Inday Sara.
C: Sa’n ka na ngayon kukuha ng pantustos sa luho ng anak mo? Sa triad? Juk lang ulit.

None of the above. Pwede rin namang “All of the above.” Juk lang.

Bonus Question:
TELL-ALL. Lumabas na ang eksplosibong aklat na ‘Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House’ ng American journalist na si Michael Wolff. Former Trump strategist Steve Bannon, who was quoted in the book, said some members of the First Family believe, “The first woman president would not be Hillary Clinton; it would be ________.” Sino raw?
A: Ivanka Trump
B: Melania Trump
C: Kellyanne Conway

The answer is Letter D. Sandra Cam. Juk lang. It’s A. Ivanka Trump! According to Bannon, Ivanka sees herself running for the highest seat in the land. Sara Duterte, ikaw ba ‘yan?

Did you do well?
9-10 pts.: You are awesome.
7-8: Good!
5-6: Ang lakas ng tsamba.
4 and below: Where have you been bitch?
“The measure of a man is what he does with power.”

Sound Bites
“Shortly after 8 p.m. on Election Night, when the unexpected trend — Trump might actually win — seemed confirmed, Don Jr. told a friend that his father, or DJT, as he calls him, looked as if he had seen a ghost. Melania was in tears — and not of joy.”
~Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House

Be careful what you wish for.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Win Gatchalian: PhilStarNews; Joel Reyes: Philippine Star; Book:]


29 12 2017

HERE’S what’s in store for you in 2018 – Year of the Dog. Happy New Year everyone!

1RatRAT: 2008, 1996, 1984, 1972, 1960
Kung hindi ka mag-iingat, mahuhulihan ka ng droga sa kalagitnaan ng taon. Kung mahirap ka at hindi kilala, mabubulok ka sa kulungan. Kung artista ka at sikat ang angkan, wala kang problema: madidismis ang iyong kaso. Pero hindi pa huli ang lahat. Kung ikaw ay mahirap, may time ka pang pasukin ang showbiz. Good luck!

Health: Mag-reduce.
Love: Wala ka pa ring swerte. Manalamin.

1OxOX: 2009, 1997, 1985, 1973, 1961
Wala pa ring pagbabago sa iyo sa darating na taon. Mas magiging aktibo ka pa nga sa pamba-bash sa social media. Ang cheap mo talaga!

Health: Sukatin ang waistline. Ihanda ang sarili sa matutuklasan.
Love: Kung hindi na kayo masaya sa isa’t isa, you both deserve it.

TIGER: 2010, 1998, 1986, 1974, 1962
Ilang beses kang mali-late sa trabaho dahil tuwing sasakay ka sa MRT, masisiraan ito. Mapipilitan kang tanungin ang sarili mo – Sino ba talagang malas: ako o ang gobyerno?

Health: Walking is good for your body. Sa ayaw mo man o sa gusto, mapapadalas ang paglalakad mo –  sa riles ng tren.
Love: Kung hindi ka na happy, let go. Sayang lang ang gastos mo.

1RabbitRABBIT: 2011, 1999, 1987, 1975, 1963
Sisikat ka ngayong 2018. Magti-trend ang isang video kung saan makikitang minumura mo ang nakagitgitang taxi driver.

Health: Magpa-check ng BP regularly.
Love: Mabait lang talaga siya sa ‘yo. Hanggang doon lang ‘yon. Huwag bigyang-kulay.

1DragDRAGON: 2012, 2000, 1988, 1976, 1964
Ito ang luckiest sign. Ngayong 2018, lalo kang susuwertehin kung magpapalagay ka ng dragon tattoo sa iyong likod. Makipagkaibigan sa mga taong ang pangalan ay ‘Paolo,’ ‘Charlie, ‘Tan,’ ‘Kenneth, ‘Dong,’ ‘Peter,’ ‘Lim,’ o ‘Nani’ upang kumita nang malaki.

Health: Huwag araw-arawin ang ‘cheat day.’
Love: Ilang years ka nang single, ‘di ka pa ba sanay?!

1SNSNAKE: 2013, 2001, 1989, 1977, 1965
Palihim kang pag-uusapan ng iyong Facebook friends dahil lagi kang nag-shi-share at nagla-like ng fake news ng mga pro-Duterte bloggers.  Huwag gullible. [Para mas harsh: Huwag tanga.]

Health: Kumunsulta sa psychologist.
Love: Mas masaya ka kung nag-iisa. ‘Yan ang totoo.

1HORHORSE: 2014, 2002, 1990, 1978, 1966
Posibleng masangkot ka sa anomalya sa iyong opisina. Pero ‘wag mag-alala. Kung sa Duterte government ka nagtatrabaho, baka ilipat ka lang sa ibang pwesto. ‘Wag mawalan ng pag-asa.

Health: Hindi nakakabawas ng timbang ang pagpisil sa stress ball. Mag-exercise ka!
Love: Be the one that got away. Maiba naman.

1shpGOAT: 2015, 2003, 1991, 1979, 1967
Matapos mag-Starbucks, mawawala ka for 48 hours. Walang maghahanap sa ‘yo.

Health: Hindi uubra ang “After 6” diet sa ‘yo kung maghapon ka namang lumalamon.
Love: Ipa-check-up ang puso mo. Pagod na pagod na kasi ito sa katitibok sa taong hindi naman pumapansin sa ‘yo.

1monkMONKEY: 2016, 2004, 1992, 1980, 1968
Maganda ang pasok ng taon. Dahil sa nilagdaang Tax Reform for Acceleration and Inclusion (TRAIN) Law, tataas ang sweldo. Ang bad news: wala ka pa ring trabaho. Dasal lang. Dasal lang talaga.

Health: Ok sana ang ginagawa mong pagtakbo. ‘Yun nga lang, laging sa ref ang punta mo.
Love: Mag-focus na lang sa mga pamangkin. At least, they’ll love you back.

1roosROOSTER: 2017, 2005, 1993, 1981, 1969
Malaki ang posibilidad na mapaaway ka na naman sa social media dahil sa iyong pananaw sa pulitika. Bawasan ang pagiging patola.

Health: Huwag magbasa ng online comments para hindi ma-stress.
Love: Makikilala mo na finally ang taong mamahalin mo. Ang tanong: mamahalin ka kaya niya?

1DogDOG: 2018, 2006, 1994, 1982, 1970
Makakahanap ka ng trabaho ngayong 2018. Aalukin kang maging keyboard warrior ng Duterte government. In short, troll. Nasa sa ‘yo na kung alin ang pipiliin mo: pera o prinsipyo.

Health: Kapansin-pansin talaga ang double chin mo. ‘Di ka ba naco-conscious?
Love: Darating din ‘yan. Siguro, mga 12 years pa. Be patient.

1PigPIG: 2019, 2007, 1995, 1983, 1971
Mag-aaway kayo sa social media ng iyong ama. Feeling mo, ito na ang chance mong makilala ng masa. Pero walang papansin sa away n’yong dalawa. Sabihin mo sa tatay mo, maging vice mayor o drug smuggler muna siya.

Health: Hindi ka tumataba dahil sa suot mong shirt. Mataba ka lang talaga. Mag-diet.
Love: Matagal na siyang nakapag-move on. Ikaw kaya, kailan?
“The best way to predict the future is to create it.”
~Peter Drucker

Sound Bites
“Duterte has made a mockery of rule of law in his country. While he is not your typical corrupt leader, he has empowered corruption in an innovative way. His death squads have allegedly focused on criminals but, in fact, are less discriminating. He has empowered a bully-run system of survival of the fiercest. In the end, the Philippines is more corrupt, more cruel, and less democratic.”
~Organized Crime and Corruption Reporting Project on its decision to name Duterte ‘Person of the Year’


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte:; Animal Signs: Travel China Guide]


26 12 2017

Good morning!

Bago pa man pumasok ang taong 2017 ay binalak ko nang ihayag ang isang malaking desisyon sa buhay ko. Naghintay ako ng halos isa pang taon upang ipaalam ito sa inyo.

Ginawa ko ang aking tungkulin nitong nakaraang mga araw. Pinasaya ko ang maraming bata sa iba’t ibang panig ng mundo: namahagi ako ng mga laruan, sumayaw ako sa kanilang harapan, at nakipag-selfie sa napakaraming pamilya. Nakatataba ng pusong makita ang matatamis nilang mga ngiti.

Noong mismong araw ng Pasko, inihanda ko na ang sarili ko. Ihahayag ko na ang planong pagbibitiw sa aking mabigat na tungkulin. Sa totoo lang, hindi birong maglakbay sa mga bahay-bahay, magbuhat ng mabibigat na kahon ng regalo at lumusot sa masikip at maduming chimney (‘Tong taba kong ito, isipin n’yo na lang ang hirap na dinadanas ko). Ilang taon ko nang ginagawa ang mga bagay na ito. Pagod na pagod na ako. Kailangan ko nang magpahinga.

Ngunit habang naghahanda sa pagsasapubliko ng aking desisyon, may nang-agaw ng eksena. Nagbitiw din siya. Inunahan niya ang announcement ko. Kesyo kailangan daw niyang protektahan ang kanyang karangalan. As if pinilit natin siyang makipag-away sa kanyang anak sa social media. Kesyo bata pa raw ay tinuruan na siya ng kahalagahan ng delicadeza. Isa pang as if! Kaya pala kasa-kasama niya sa mga parties at events ang mga taong isinasangkot sa smuggling ng bilyun-bilyong pisong halaga ng shabu shipment.

Muntik ko nang maibato ang isang kahon ng regalo sa mukha ng isang bata nang mabasa ko ang reaksyon ni Tito Sotto. He was in his usual ‘Tito Sotto’ self. Sabi niya, “He deserves our respect.” Ho-ho-ho-ly sh*t! Also, muntik ko na ring itumba ang katabi kong Christmas tree nang ilarawan ni JV Ejercito ang pagbibitiw bilang, “ultimate sacrifice.” P*tang i*a! For the first time, napamura ako.

‘Di hamak namang mas malaking sakripisyo ang ginagawa ko ‘no! In fact, dahil sa pagiging philanthropist, minsan na rin akong nag-No. 1 sa listahan ng Forbes ng “richest fictional characters.” Pero nagreklamo ako sa Forbes! Tawagin ba naman akong “fictional!” Milyun-milyong bata ang nasaktan nang mabasa nila ang article. So ang ginawa ko, pinatunayan ko sa Forbes na hindi ako fictional. Pumirma ako ng bank waiver. At ipinakita ko ang aking reindeer tattoo sa likod!

Isang Pasko na naman ang lumipas. Na-realize ko, bakit ako magre-resign ngayon eh nagawa ko naman ang promises ko sa mga bata?  Hindi ako nagyabang na in three to six months, I will deliver. Ang sabi ko kasi, in 12 months. At natupad ko ‘yun. Without extension! Ang dapat mag-resign, ‘yong puro promises!

Siguro sa Dec. 25, 2018 ko na lang itutuloy ang pagbibitiw… unless, may mang-agaw na naman ng eksena at unahan ako sa announcement. Malay natin.

“All good drama has two movements, first the making of the mistake, then the discovery that it was a mistake.”
~W.H. Auden

Sound Bites
“When a president often brags about his penchant for violence, when he urges police to kill drug suspects — and they do — it can be hard to tell boastful fiction from bloody fact.”
~The Washington Post


[Photos: Paolo Duterte: ABS-CBN News]


20 12 2017

Christmas Message
Rodrigo Roa Duterte
President of the Philippines

[Taped last December 20, 2017 at the Rizal Ceremonial Hall, Malacañan Palace]

Mga kababayan,

Sandali. Hindi ko na lang basahin ‘tong speech. Pakahaba ng put*ng i*a. Sabihin ko na lang ang gusto kong Xmas message sa kanila. Ba’t ba may speech-speech na prepared pa? Pwede namang magsalita na lang ako. Makinig na lang kayo. Ganito!

Sabi ko noong isang taon, ‘pag ‘di ko nahinto ang druga sa loob ng anim na buwan, mag-resign man ako. After more than one year, may druga pa rin. So anong gawin ko? Mag-resign ako? No way! Hindi ko ugaling mang-iwan sa iri. Kaya galit na galit ang mga dilaw kasi hindi ako nag-resign. Bakit kayo magagalit? Sa inyo ba ako nangako? Naniwala ba kayo sa promise ko? Hindi naman ah. Ang naniwala man sa promises ko eh ang 16 million na voters ko. Kaya sila lang ang dapat magalit kung ‘di ko natupad ang pangako ko. Eh hindi nga sila nagagalit so inis na inis ang dilawan. Mamatay kayo sa inggit.

Ba’t ko sinasabi ito? Kasi ngayong Pasko, marami na naman d’yang ninong at ninang na nag-promise magregalo sa inaanak. Promise ng ganito, ganyan. Pero dahil walang pira, walang regalo sa araw ng Pasko. Tapos magtatampo ang magulang ng bata kasi umasa ang anak niya. Tang ina! Ba’t kayo magagalit? May patago ba kayo? Kung magbigay ang ninong, salamat. Kung hindi magbigay, manahimik kayo mga gago!

Kagabi, narinig kong binasahan man ng istorya ni Sara si Stonefish, ‘yong apo ako. Christmas story. Sabi sa kwento, masama raw si Haring Herodes kasi ipinapatay niya ang mga bata sa Jerusalem. Nag-init man ang ulo ko. Sabi ko kay Sara, “Inday, ang bata-bata pa ni Stonefish, tinuruan mo agad ng kasinungalingan. Siniraan mo pa si Herodes.”

Makinig kayo mga Kristiyano, lalo na kayong mga Katoliko. Ang dapat na ginawa n’yo – inalam n’yo muna ang panig ni Herodes. Hindi ‘yong husga agad kayo nang husga kahit ‘di n’yo pa naririnig ang panig nung tao! Baka naman justified ang pagpatay niya sa mga bata noong panahong ‘yon. Bago kayo mag-conclude, magtanong muna kayo mga tarantado!

Bakit ko sinasabi ito? Eh kasi, ‘yang putang inang UN na ‘yan ‘tsaka ‘yang Amnesty International at kung anu-anong pisting human rights-human rights groups na nakikialam sa aking gobyerno, wala nang ginawa kundi magbintang; bumatikos! Hidline sa diyaryo nila sa Amerika, ‘Duterte cops kill children,” “Duterte death squads murder slum dwellers.” Putang ina n’yo. Lamunin n’yo ang human rights n’yo. I will not allow drug addicts to ruin the lives of my people. If I had to kill them myself, I’ll do it just to protect the Filipinos.

Mabalik ako kay Herodes. Baka nakakalimutan n’yong siya ang hari noon! May karapatan siyang gawin anumang gusto n’ya. Parang presidente lang ‘yan. Kung ayaw n’yo sa ginagawa ko, eh ‘di tang ina, kayo na dito sa pwesto ko. Akala n’yo gusto kong maging presidente? ‘Pag ako nabwisit, mag-resign talaga ako. Iwanan ko man kayo d’yan! Tingnan natin kung ano mangyari sa inyo. Tang ina. ‘Tsaka bago n’yo pag-initan si Haring Herodes, pag-initan n’yo muna ang haring dilawan na bumili ng Dengvaxia vaccine! Mas maraming bata ang mamamatay dahil dun. Gago!

Ilang araw na lang Pasko na. Sana malipol man ‘yong mga inggitero. Bakit ko nasabi ‘to? Eh kasi pati pagpapa-picture ng aking apo, ginawang isyu. Tang ina. Bago kayo mag-ambisyon ng photo shoot sa palasyo, maging apo muna kayo ng pangulo, tangna nyu!

Galawin n’yo nang lahat, awayin n’yo nang lahat, ‘wag lang ang pamilya ko! Pisting yawa kayo! Si Pulong, ayaw pa ring tigilan sa isyu ng smuggling! Nasaan ang ebidensya n’yo? Si Pulong pinag-iinitan n’yo pero sina Joseph at Mary, ok lang? Tatahimik-tahimik kayo! O, bakit? ‘Di ba sabi sa Bible, pagkapanganak kay Hesus sa Jerusalem, palihim itong dinala nina Jose at Maria sa Egypt? ‘Di ba smuggling ng bata ‘yun? Bago kayo magmalinis – lalo na kayong mga paring Katoliko, alamin n’yo muna ang history n’yo mga gago!

Sa mga rape joke ko, galit na galit kayo – pero ang mga bastos na kanta n’yo ‘pag Pasko, pinapatugtog n’yo pa! Tang ina! O, bakit? ‘Yong mommy na nakikipaghalikan kay Santa Claus, gawain ba ng matinong babae ‘yon? Gawain ni De Lima ‘yun! May asawang tao tapos lumalandi sa ibang lalaki! At ‘tsaka ‘yang si Santa Claus, hindi ba stalker ‘yan?!? He knows when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. ‘Yan ang dapat n’yong katakutan at hindi ang mga pulis ko! ‘Wag na ‘wag lang dadaan sa tapat ng bahay namin ‘yan, itumba ko talaga ‘yang matandang ‘yan.

Sa Lunes, pangalawang Pasko na tayong magkakasama. Siguro itatanong ng mga dilawan, “Bakit? Ano bang nagawa mo na?” Sira-ulo ang mga walanghiya. ‘Di ba sila nagbibilang? Lampas 13,000 na yata! Dadagdagan pa natin ’yan next year. Human rights, human rights, ipakain ko sa inyo ang human rights n’yo! Fuck you.

O, sino ‘yang sumisenyas sa likod? Bakit?!? Mahaba na ba? Ano ‘yang sinisenyas mo? Dalawang minuto? Gago. Wala naman kayong sinabing two minutes lang ‘to!

Nalimutan ko pala… kay De Lima, baka sabihin mo naman napakasama kong tao. Padalhan na lang kita ng fruit cake sa driver ko. ‘Tang ina, wag mong galawin ang driver ko, matanda na ‘yon ‘day! At kay Sereno, pasalamat ka’t bakasyon na ang mga tuta ko sa Kongreso. Magdasal-dasal ka na ngayong Pasko! Balikan kita sa Enero.

Merry Christmas sa inyong lahat. At ‘wag kayong mag-alala, hangga’t nandito ako sa pwesto, lalabanan nating lahat ang druga. Druga. Druga. Druga.

At higit sa lahat, druga! ‘Tang ina!

“Killing people isn’t progress.”
~Athan Fletcher, ‘The Swordsman and The Priestess’

Sound Bites
“He has proven to be a partisan investigator driven by hubris and scornful of his colleagues, whose entirely avoidable mistakes become the administration’s too. The majority should consider replacing him.”
~Editorial, ‘Flush Gordon’

Investigative Report: The Boys From Davao (Reuters)
This is Police Station 6 in Quezon City, part of the Philippines’ sprawling capital. Officers here killed 108 people in the first year of President Rodrigo Duterte’s drug war, making it Quezon City’s deadliest station. Leading its drug squad were police from Duterte’s distant hometown. They lived on the roof and called themselves the “Davao Boys.”

[Photo: Duterte:; Duterte 2: Rappler]

%d bloggers like this: