7 08 2017

PRESIDENT DUTERTE is being lauded for signing into law a measure granting full government subsidy to tuition in state universities and colleges. Co-authors of the Free Tertiary Education Act like JV Ejercito and principal sponsor Bam Aquino were also praised for relentlessly pushing for the bill’s approval. On Twitter though, government-paid propagandist Mocha Uson – who was in her usual pathetic element – had this to say:


Lawmakers have successfully passed key pieces of legislation recently. We appeal to them to please legislate idiocy.

For “playing with dangerous toys,” North Korean President Kim Jong Un has been called names by President Duterte. Duterte described Kim as a “son of a bitch,” “tarantado” and “buang.” After hearing those insults, Kim Jong Un described Duterte as “suicidal.”

The estranged wife of Comelec Chairman Andres Bautista revealed her husband might have amassed close to a billion pesos in unexplained or ill-gotten wealth including several bank deposits, which were not mentioned in his SALN. Patricia Paz Bautista also bared she visited Malacañang recently and told President Duterte about it. She was probably looking for someone who would understand the issue of ‘bank deposits’ and ‘incomplete SALN.’ She came to the right place.

Comelec Chairman Andres Bautista accused his estranged wife, Patricia Paz Bautista of extortion. In a press conference held Sunday, Mrs. Bautista said she allegedly discovered several passbooks as well as bank and real property documents belonging to Chairman Bautista. But the embattled Comelec chief said Patricia was asking for a 620-million-peso settlement from him which, he said was way too much. He can only afford 619 million pesos.

As former chair of the PCGG, Andy Bautista was tasked with going after the ill-gotten wealth of the Marcos family. Now, Malacañang is seriously considering Patricia Paz Bautista for the post.

House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez has formally filed his pet bill seeking to legalize the dissolution of marriages. The bill is being supported by the so-called Makabayan bloc, two opposition lawmakers, and the House Speaker’s new girlfriend.

As promised, House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez filed a bill seeking to legalize the dissolution of marriages. Minutes after formally filing the bill, Alvarez received a ‘Thank You’ note from Comelec Chairman Andy Bautista.

House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez has formally filed House Bill No. 6027, titled “An Act Providing for Grounds for the Dissolution of a Marriage.” The possible grounds include irreconcilable differences or severe or chronic unhappiness. You might want to read the bill, Sharon Cuneta.

Too Late
Last week, the Office of the Ombudsman filed charges against a congressman from Mountain Province for violation of the Anti-Graft and Corrupt Practices Act. But the lawmaker, Maximo Dalog is already dead. He passed away last June. Apparently, the Office of the Ombudsman finds it fitting to file a late case against the late congressman.

Fifty-three former drug addicts recently ‘graduated’ from the mega-drug rehab center in Nueva Ecija. However, the ‘graduates’ decided to boycott the graduation ceremonies when they learned the commencement speakers were Supt. Marvin Marcos and Ozamiz City Police Chief Jovie Espenido.

Poor Vision
According to the latest study of the Department of Health, over two million Filipinos nationwide are blind. Some people are questioning the results of the study saying the number is “close to 16 million.”
“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.”
~Michel de Montaigne

Sound Bites
“That chubby face that looks kind. That son of a bitch. If he commits a mistake, the Far East will become an arid land. It must be stopped, this nuclear war.”
~President Duterte on Kim Jong Un

Pot. Kettle. Black.

WHAT IN THE WORLD: A big data analysis by three communications professors shows that the production of fake news articles has been rapidly growing

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Andy Bautista: CNN Philippines; Patricia Bautista: Lyn Rillon/Inquirer.Net; Cartoon:]


2 08 2017

DUTERTE FANATIC Bruce Rivera threatened to file criminal charges against Rappler, its CEO Maria Ressa and reporter Pia Ranada for allegedly calling him and his fellow Ka-DDS “trolls.” Rivera also took offense at Prof. Winnie Monsod who called him and Mocha Uson “trolls” during a TV guesting. In a related development, trolls from Scandinavian folklore and Norse mythology are filing a case against Rappler and Winnie Monsod for comparing them to Bruce Rivera and Mocha Uson.

The Parojinogs
Drug suspect and Ozamiz City Mayor Reynaldo Parojinog, his wife Susan, and 13 others were killed in a pre-dawn raid on the family’s compound last Sunday. Photos of their lifeless, bullet-ridden bodies are now circulating online. Neighbors described that fateful Sunday as “one of the bloodiest” while President Duterte described it as “one of my favorites.”

The mayor’s daughter, Vice Mayor Nova Princess Parojinog and her brother, Reynaldo Jr. were arrested and detained at Camp Crame. They will stay there until the day “na sila ay manlaban.” Abangan!

Detained Ozamiz City Vice Mayor Nova Princess Parojinog is asking the VACC to help investigate the death of her parents and 13 others in a raid last Sunday. Vowing swift action, the VACC has started to gather information on the whereabouts of Sen. Leila De Lima when the raid was conducted.

In a recent speech in New York City, US President Donald Trump told cops to be rough and not to be “too nice” to suspected criminals. Police chiefs from around the world condemned Trump’s statement calling it “reckless,” “irresponsible,” and Duterte-inspired.

Responding to Trump’s “irresponsible” and “unprofessional” statement, the New York Police Department said, “Our training and policies only allow for measures that are reasonable and necessary under any circumstances.” To which, Supt. Marvin Marcos said, “Pwede pala ‘yun?”

Emilita Apostol-Alvarez, wife of House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez revealed he abandoned her for another woman last year. When your husband’s role model is a guy named Rodrigo Duterte, what do you expect?

Abandoned II
House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez abandoned his wife, Emilita last year. He now lives with another woman. But Emelita says she won’t give up on her marriage to philandering Pantaleon because she’s the legal wife. And Elizabeth Zimmerman was like, “‘Yan din ang sabi ko noon.”

Shabu Shipment
Customs Commissioner Nicanor Faeldon is under fire for his agency’s failure to stop the entry of a shipment of 605 kilos of high-grade “shabu” estimated to be worth 6.4-billion pesos last May. During a Lower House hearing, congressmen ganged up on him and called for his immediate resignation. But on Tuesday in Malacañang, Presidente Duterte told Faeldon he would not be fired.. He also told House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez to try harder next time.

The Priest
Monsignor Arnel Lagarejos, a 55-year-old priest, was arrested while taking a 13-year-old girl to a motel in Marikina City. Grabe. THIRTEEN YEARS OLD? That’s a minor offense.

In Episode 3 of ‘Game of Thrones,’ Daenerys Targaryen apologized for the atrocities committed by her father Aerys II, the Mad King. The atrocities happened long before Dany was born. That’s the reason why the apology came as a shock and disappointment to Imee Marcos.
“Surrender is no guarantee that an armed police officer will not shoot you.
~Steven Magee

Sound Bites
“As an addict user of the opioid Fentanyl, Duterte is the No. 1 drug addict in the Philippines and is the most fitting target of the police units that he has turned into death squads and corrupted with money and promotions.”
~CPP Founding Chair Jose Ma. Sison

“If he is a true revolutionary leader, he should come home and join his people. The NPA members should realize that while they fight in the field, their leader lives a comfortable life abroad.”
~President Duterte on Jose Ma. Sison

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Bruce Rivera: Wenwen Zaspa/Cebu Daily News; Parojinog Mugshots: ABSCBN News; Emilita Alvarez:ABSCBN News]


29 07 2017

HERE’S our annual (updated) list of typhoons. Prepare for the worst. Stay alert.

Typhoon Duterte
Malaking pinsala ang dulot nito lalo na sa mga lugar kung saan maraming nakatirang mahihirap. Marami-rami na rin ang iniwang patay ng pananalasa ng bagyong ito.

Typhoon Erap
Dahil sa kabi-kabilang publicity at report tungkol sa bagyong ito, pinaghandaang mabuti ng mga tao si typhoon Erap. Mabagal na ang galaw niya pero grabe pa rin ang pananalanta. Hindi ma-predict kung kailan ito tuluyang i-exit.

Typhoon Cayetano
Noong tropical depression pa lamang, may kaingayan ang sama ng panahong ito. Nang maging ganap na bagyo na, saka naman nanahimik: walang kulog at walang kidlat. Hindi masyadong nararamdaman. Maging ang kapatid nitong bagyo, tahimik na rin.

Typhoon Marcos
Mahabang panahong nanalanta sa Pilipinas ang bagyong ito at nag-iwan ng matinding pinsala sa iba’t ibang panig ng bansa. Recently, may pagtatangka ang ilang bayarang meteorologists na i-downplay ang damage na naidulot ng bagyong ito upang lokohin ang publiko lalo na ang mga kabataang hindi pa ipinapanganak nang tumama sa Pilipinas ang nasabing kalamidad.

Typhoon Robredo
Hindi kalakasan ang bagyong ito ngunit dahil sa mali-maling impormasyong kumakalat, marami ang natatakot sa kanya.

Typhoon Teo
May mga nagki-claim na dahil sa bagyong ito, lumago raw ang ani ng mga magsasaka. Misleading pala ang data.

Typhoon Mocha
Ang pekeng bagyo. Maraming naloloko dahil sa napakadilim na kaulapan na sinasabayan ng matatalim na kidlat at malakas na kulog. Akala ng mga tao, bubuhos ang napakalakas na ulan. They were wrong. Ambon lang pala. Kahit kailan, mapanlinlang ang weather disturbance na ito.

Typhoon Andanar
Hindi na masyadong visible sa radar ng PAGASA ang bagyong ito. ‘Buti naman.

Typhoon Pacquiao
Tuluyan nang humina ang bagyong ito. Ngunit may babala ang mga eksperto: baka raw bumalik sa 2022 ang bagyong Pacquiao at magdala ng mas malaking panganib sa buong bansa.

Typhoon Joma
Matagal nang wala sa Philippine Area of Responsibility ang bagyong ito. Hindi na masyadong pinapansin at ‘di na kinatatakutan ng mga tao.

Typhoon Bato
Ang bagyong tamad. Puro kulog, kidlat at sipol pero wala namang ulan. Buti sana kung may ulan, at least mapakikinabangan sa mga sakahan.

Typhoon Joy Belmonte
Napakabagal kumilos ng bagyong ito. Urong-sulong din. Hindi mo alam kung tutuloy o hindi.

Typhoon Vitaliano
Hindi pala siya totoong bagyo. Mali ang balita. Fake!

Typhoon Tulfo
Ang bagyong napakahangin. Laging may pagbabanta. Mag-ingat!
“Arrogance combined with stubbornness is a ticking bomb.”
~Unarine Ramaru

In other news…
Lawyer Mandy Mercado Anderson, the chief of staff of Customs chief Nicanor Faeldon, called House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez “imbecile” on Facebook. It was unfair, uncalled for, and offensive. Anderson must apologize to the imbeciles of this world for comparing them with Alvarez.

Sound Bites
“Tinawagan ako sa cellphone ng head executive assistant niya na ‘yung marching orders ni Speaker was to bring hell to me and the commissioner.”
~Atty. Mandy Anderson re: House Speaker when Customs Chief Faeldon rejected the Speaker’s recommendation to promote a certain Sandy Sacluti

“The Ombudsman can never be silenced. They can attempt to repress the messenger but it will never suppress the message.”
~Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales on Duterte’s SONA remark against her office

Briefly Noted
In 2013, Bureau of Customs officials Teotimo Sacluti and Vivian Sacluti were found guilty of misdeclaring wealth in their SALNs. Are they related to Sandy Sacluti whose backer is no less than the House Speaker?


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Flood: Associated Press; Mandy Anderson/Alvarez: Rappler]


25 07 2017

LAST MONDAY, July 24, President Duterte delivered his second and last State of the Nutcase Nation Address.

President Duterte was in his usual element – cursing and joking from the start ’til the end of his profanity-laden speech. He didn’t talk that much about the state of the nation but his words exposed so much about the state of his mental health.

Lawmakers, Cabinet men, and supporters laughed at his jokes. While talking about his brutal war on drugs, he said, “I value human life the way I value mine.” That was his funniest joke – ever.

Reiterating his pro-death penalty stance, President Duterte insisted that a criminal couldn’t be reformed because “the son of a bitch is a human being with a virulent brain.” He just proved it.

Despite local and international pressure, Duterte said he would continue the bloody and violent anti-drug war. Or as Supt. Marvin Marcos would call it, “job opportunity.”

According to President Duterte, CPP-NPA founding chairman Jose Maria Sison is sick with colon cancer. Duterte won’t confirm rumors though they have the same oncologist.

Overall, militant groups gave Duterte’s SONA a failing grade. To be specific, they gave him a Stage 4 out of 10.

Duterte vs. the Media
As expected, Duterte attacked the media in his speech. In particular, he called on social news network, Rappler (for being foreign-owned, allegedly) and broadcast giant, ABS-CBN for alleged unfair reporting. Surprisingly, there was no specific mention of the Philippine Daily Inquirer, his soon-to-be-favorite broadsheet.

A day after Duterte’s SONA, the Philippine Daily Inquirer came out with a banner story titled, “DUTERTE BULLIES ‘ENEMIES’ IN SONA. To which, Duterte reacted, “Enjoy it while it lasts.”

The President commended Ted Failon for doing an episode on mining in his weekend program. Failon was the only broadcaster lauded by Duterte in his SONA – prompting the Tulfo brothers to ask, “What else should we do?”

Duterte also lambasted human rights advocates for supporting detained Senator Leila De Lima saying, “Can she be a moral person?” Duterte was supposed to expound on the issue of morality but realized Pantaleon Alvarez was just behind him and he might take offense.

Sen. Nancy Binay fell asleep while President Duterte was delivering his speech. And for the first time since Nancy attended the annual event, netizens could relate to her.

While President Duterte was delivering his second State of the Nation Address, TV cameras caught Sen. Nancy Binay sleeping. To be fair to Nancy, Congress OJTs are allowed one hour of rest per day.

President Duterte reiterated his appeal to the United States to return the three Balangiga bells seized by American soldiers from a church in Eastern Samar almost a century ago saying “they are part of our national heritage.” We salute the President for his patriotism. Will he be as passionate if we start calling it Balangiga Shoal, Balangiga Reef, or Balangiga Sea?



For the first time in history, a president used the Visayan term for masturbation in his SONA. Apparently, Duterte couldn’t help it because he was speaking in front of so many dicks.

Controversial Manila Mayor Joseph “Manila Bay” Estrada attended the event at the Batasang Pambansa. Some people thought he was there to conduct a clean-up drive considering the staggering amount of garbage present at the venue.

In Other News…
DOT’s Wanda Tulfo-Teo reported that tourism revenue rose to P220.30 billion during the first year of the Duterte administration. Congratulations, and thank you to the brilliant and hardworking Tourism secretary, Ramon Jimenez!
“This and no other is the root from which a tyrant springs; when he first appears he is a protector.”

Sound Bites
“Rambling, shouting, warning, and bullying his ‘enemies.’ He knows what issues click, what emojis to use. To be populist than being right.”
~Akbayan Party-list Rep. Tomasito Villarin on Duterte’s Second Sona


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Rappler;]


21 07 2017

State of the Nation Address
Rodrigo R. Duterte
President of the Philippines

[Delivered at the Session Hall of the House of Representatives,
Batasang Pambansa Complex, Quezon City on July 24, 2017]

SPEAKER PANTALEON Alvarez, Senate President Aquilino ‘Koko’ Pimentel III, Vice President Leni Robredo, Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno, former presidents Fidel V. Ramos, Joseph Ejercito Estrada, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and Benigno, wala yata si gago. ‘T*ng i*a, kung ayaw mong umattend, eh ‘di wag. Sinong nawalan? Yawa! (Canned Laughter)

Members of the House of Representatives and the Senate; distinguished members of the diplomatic corps (Pause) May taga-EU ba dito? (Silence) Wala?!? O takot lang kayo? (Canned Laughter) Fellow workers in government, mga minamahal kong kababayan…

Change is here. (5-minute applause, Standing ovation)





Magsu-SUNA pa ba ako o papalakpak na lang kayo maghapon? (Canned Laughter/Applause) Let me continue.

Sandali, sino bang operator ng teleprompter? Alisin mo muna ‘yan. ‘Di pa ako magbasa. Malito lang ako.

Alam n’yo, usually, bumabangon ako, mga alas-diyes, alas-onse, ganyan. Kanina, masama ang pakiramdam ko. Matulog pa sana ako hanggang ala-una kaya lang itong si Honeylet at si Kitty, ang ingay sa sala. Nagtaka ako, “Bakit sumisigaw ‘tong mag-ina?” Si Honeylet, narinig ko pa, “Patayin mo na ang pisting ‘yan! Patayin mo na!” ‘Tapos si Kitty naman, ang sabi, “Motherfucker ka!” Napabangon tuloy ako. Paglabas ko… nanood lang pala sila ng ‘Game of Thrones.’ ‘Tang ina akala ko kung sino nang patayin.

Kayo, nanood ba kayo ng Episode 2? (All: YES!)

Maganda ba? (All: YES!)

‘Tong si Kitty, crush daw ‘yung pilay na bata, Brandon yata ang pangalan. Si Honeylet naman, napugian kay Johnny Snow. (All: JON Snow!)

Eh ‘di JON Snow! Tang ina n’yong lahat, malay ko ba. Di naman ako fan niyang G-O-T na ‘yan. (Canned Laughter) Basta ako, pwede na sa akin ‘yung Sansa. Mukhang palaban. Hehehe (Silence)

O, baka sabihin na naman ni Risa Hontiveros, rape joke na naman. Ulol! Ikaw lang ang ‘di nakakaintindi ng jokes ko. ‘Yung 16 million, na-gets nila! So ikaw ang may problema! ‘Yung teleprompter, pakibalik!

Hindi na ako magpapaliguy-ligoy pa. Change has indeed come. (Applause)

Ang sabi ng ating mga kababayan, mabagal kumilos ang gobyerno. Totoo! Mabagal talaga. NOON ‘YUN! (Applause) Last week lang, mabilis naayos ng LTFRB ang isang mainit na transport issue. Sa katunayan, kanina, nag-Uber ako papunta rito! (Applause)

* * * * *

Nang ako ay maging pangulo, nangako akong magbibigay ng trabaho sa ating mga kababayan. Hindi naman sa pagmamayabang, tinupad ko ang pangakong ‘yan. Ngayong hapon, kasama natin dito sa Batasan ang tatlo sa pinakamasisipag kong appointees. Hindi lang sila sa office nagtatrabaho kundi pati sa mga rally laban kay Robredo. Palakpakan po natin sina Mocha Uson, Kat De Castro at Arnell Ignacio. (Applause)

Napag-uusapan na rin lang ang trabaho, ako ang tipo ng taong nagbibigay ng second chance sa mga nasisibak o nasususpindeng empleyado. ‘Kita n’yo naman, sa kabila ng kasong homicide, sa kabila ng mga batikos, balik-puwesto pa rin si Supt. Marvin Marcos. (Applause)

* * * * *

Bago ako naupo sa pwesto, may mga pulis na isinasangkot sa salvaging at kung saan-saan natatagpuan ang katawan ng biktima. Ngayon, hindi na ‘yan nangyayari. Dahil ‘pag ang pulis, may pinatay, doon na mismo sa Camp Crame! (Applause)

* * * * *

Maraming nagagalit kay General Bato dahil batugan daw. ‘Wag naman ganun. To be fair, grabe ang effort ni Bato para lang mapalapit sa ordinaryong tao ang ating kapulisan. These days, marami nang Pinoy ang hindi natatakot – dahil sa history ng PNP, ngayon lang ito nagkaroon ng official mascot! (Canned Laughter) Tawa lang?! Tang ina, hindi ‘yun joke. Pumalakpak kayo! (Applause)

* * * * *

Malamang, narinig n’yo na ang magandang balita mula sa SWS. Sabi sa report, nabawasan daw ang bilang ng mga Pinoy na lubog sa kahirapan! (Applause) Kita n’yo na? Tagumpay ang war on drugs! Tuloy ang patayan! (Applause)

* * * * *

Paulit-ulit ko itong sinasabi: kung walang addict, walang krimen. Kung walang krimen, walang matatakot magnegosyo. Two weeks ago, nasa Philippine Stock Exchange ako at iisa lang ang sinasabi ng mga negosyanteng nakasalubong ko: booming ang ekonomiya natin ngayon! (Applause) Napakalakas ng trade & business sector. Sa sobrang lakas, umabot sa Bilibid! Booming na ulit ang drug trade! (Applause)

* * * * *

Malapit nang simulan ang infrastructure projects na pinondohan ng Beijing. Pero may kumukuwestyon sa napakalaking pautang na ito ng China. Warning ng Forbes, the 167-billion dollar debt could balloon to as high as 452-billion dollars in the future. Sagutin n’yo nga ako: does the future exist? (Silence)

Tinatanong ko kayo: DOES THE FUTURE EXIST?

(Duterte Allies: NO!!!!!)

See? Inaalala n’yo ang future eh hindi naman ‘yan nag-e-exist. Anong problema ng ‘tang in@ng Forbes ‘yan? (Applause)

Sabayan n’yo ako: XIE XIE, BEIJING! One… two… three…

All: Xie xie Beijing! (Applause)

* * * * *

Itong Amerika, itong EU, at itong mga gagong human rights group na ito, ayaw pa rin akong tigilan dahil ipinakulong ko si De Lima. One-sided talaga ang mga p*t@ng i*@! Naka-focus sila sa ginawa kong “pagpapakulong” – pero ‘di nila pinapansin ang ginawa nating “pagpapalaya.” Nasaan ang fairness? Hindi ba’t Solicitor General ko ang tumulong upang maabswelto si Janet Napoles?!? (Applause)

* * * * *

As I have always said, priority ko rin ang welfare ng mga OFWs. Kaya when I heard na bumagsak sa almost 11-year-low ang piso, natuwa ako. This is for our modern day heroes. Sa mga nega d’yan sa pagbaba ng piso, pakyu! (Applause)

* * * * *

Marami ang nagtatanong sa akin tungkol sa kaso ni Noynoy. Sabi ko, mahina ang isinampa ng Ombudsman. Lulusot ‘yan. Siyempre, nagagalit ang pamilya ng mga namatay na SAF. ‘Di bale, sabi ko, makakaganti rin kayo. Effective July 23, may nationwide smoking ban na. Hindi na lalabas ng bahay ‘yan. Ma-bore man siya sa Times Street. Hashtag sad and alone. (Laughter/Applause)

* * * * *

Bago matapos ang aking termino, titiyakin kong magiging pederalismo ang porma ng ating gobyerno. (Applause)

In case namang ‘di tayo magtagumpay, eh ‘di monarchy na lang; tutal, meron na tayong King and Queen… of Fake News. (Silence)

‘T*ng in@ n’yo, tumawa kayo! Joke ‘yan! (Laughter/Applause)

* * * * *

Gusto ko sanang magsalita tungkol sa mga Komunista at sa mga rebeldeng NPA but I decided na ‘wag na lang. ‘Coz whenever I hear or talk about those Communists, I see red. (Laughter)

Salamat naman at na-gets n‘yo ang joke. Palakpakan n’yo ang mga sarili n’yo! (Applause)

Mga utu-uto!

* * * * *

Tapos na ang kampanya. Tama na ang divisiveness at batuhan ng putik. Tularan n’yo ang dating anti-Marcos na si Alan Peter Cayetano. Nang maluklok sa puwesto, biglang nanahimik. (Applause)

* * * * *

Simbolo ng tapang ng mga Pinoy ang anak ng Mindanao na si Senador Manny Pacquiao. Pero, ganyan talaga ang buhay, minsan nananalo; minsan natatalo. Ang importante, matanggap mo ang nangyari at mabilis kang maka-move on. ‘Yan din ang sinabi ko kay Bongbong Marcos. Sabi ko, “Bong, mabilis man ang taon. Hintayin mo na lang ang 2022.” Eh may kutob yata ang gago na mamamatay ako bago mag-2022 kaya gusto niyang mawala na si Leni. Gago rin ‘no? Hoy dong, malakas pa ako! (Laughter/Applause)

* * * * *

You cannot deny: ramdam na ramdan na natin ang malaking pagbabago sa iba’t ibang sektor ng lipunan. Here, there and everywhere – maging sa paborito kong ‘Philippine Daily Inquirer.’ (Applause) ‘T@ng i*@, finally dumating din ang araw n’yo! ‘Yung Dunkin Donuts n’yo, may utang pang buwis. Akala n’yo, ang linis n’yo! F*ck you! ‘Pag ako, nabwisit, mag-declare ako ng Martial Law sa Inquirer office! Punumpuno na ako sa inyo!

* * * * *

Nabanggit ko na rin lang ang media… pasalamat nga pala ako sa mga radio anchors kasi nag-monitor ako last week, lahat kayo patas. Kay Kabayan Noli De Castro, kay Ted Failon, kay Ka Tunying at sa partner niyang chubby, ‘kalimutan ko ang pangalan, sorry; kina Mike at Igan Arnold Clavio; kina Manong Joe Taruc, at Deo Macalma ng DZRH, siyempre sa Tulfo brothers na walang kapantay sa balanced journalism, at sa iba pang anchors na hindi biased magkumentaryo, thank you very much. Palakpakan natin sila! (Applause) Buti na lang, wala sa radyo ‘yung gagong Ed Lingao. ‘Yun… biased ‘yun!

* * * * *

Sanga pala, batiin ko lang sina Jake Zyrus at Angelina Mead King. I salute you and I respect you for embracing change. (Applause) ‘Yan naman talaga ang isinusulong ng aking administrasyon. Kay Jinggoy din na nanonood ngayon sa PNP Custodial Center, salamat sa tapang mo.


Sandali, bakit biglang napasama si Jinggoy dito? Hoy Martin Andanar, ano ‘to?! Sorry Mayor Erap.

* * * * *

Sa iba pang taga-showbiz na nangungulit sa text, ihahanap ko pa kayo ng puwesto. Hindi ko na kayo maisingit sa MTRCB. I have already appointed 589 board members doon. Thirty lang ang allowed. Baka mahalata na. Hintayin n’yo lang magkaroon ng vacancy sa iba. Thank you.

* * * * *

Bago ako magtapos, gusto ko nga palang magpasalamat sa 78 percent na nagsabing satisfied sila sa performance ko bilang presidente. Nang magdeklara ako ng Martial Law sa Mindanao, tumaas ang rating ko. Paano pa kaya kung buong Pilipinas na ito? Baka mag-95 percent na tayo. (Applause)

Gusto n’yo bang mag-declare ako ng Martial Law nationwide? (Silence)

Hindi na naman kayo sumasagot! Gusto n’yo bang mag-declare ako ng Martial Law nationwide?

(Majority of attendees: Nooooooooo!)

Ulol! Akala mo naman, may magagawa sila kung magdeklara ako!

Sa mga Ka-DDS na nakikinig at nanonood ngayon, huwag kayong magsasawa sa pagsuporta sa tunay na pagbabago! Change is already here. Ipagpatuloy lang natin! Maraming salamat at mabuhay tayong lahat! (Applause/Standing Ovation)
‘There is no place in a fanatic’s head where reason can enter.’
~Napoleon Bonaparte

Sound Bites
“Have we become worn-out as a people, a tame hybrid of tanga-takot-tuta (ignorant, afraid, servile)? We have ceased to complain, much less protest, where before we whined. The traffic is worse; the MRT still breaks down; prices are rising; the bureaucracy is as slow as ever. Since December 2015 we have been waiting for our car plate. The EJKs go on, and not a peep. Have we dried up?”
~Asuncion David Maramba

“We had a number of meetings where we were told to be brave, to soldier on. Never did we think we’d be sold off to a Duterte campaign donor at that. Just imagine our disbelief.”
~Unidentified Inquirer employee re: Ramon Ang’s PDI buyout

In Memoriam
Chester Bennington



You tried so hard and got so far
In the end, you DID matter, Chester.
Thank you for the music.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: APA/AFP/Ted Aljibe; Chester Bennington: Metal Injection.Net)


14 07 2017

PRESIDENT DUTERTE has ordered the reinstatement yet again of Supt. Marvin Marcos and 18 other cops tagged in the killing of Albuera, Leyte Mayor Rolando Espinosa Sr and another inmate last November 2016. Duterte has yet to clarify though if he ordered the reinstatement despite allegations Marcos is a ruthless killer or because of it.

Shortly after President Duterte ordered the reinstatement of Supt. Marvin Marcos, PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ Dela Rosa gave the official a new assignment: as chief of the Criminal Investigation and Detection Group in Region 12 or Soccsksargen – prompting residents of the region to ask, “What have we done to deserve this?”

Saying police Supt. Marvin Marcos was just doing his job and was not physically present at the crime scene, President Duterte said the police officer should be reinstated. Return to duty, back to business. Or as that’s also called, the “Peter Lim moment.”

PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ De La Rosa vowed to follow the President’s order to reinstate Supt. Marvin Marcos. Some of Duterte’s staunchest allies at the Senate are now criticizing Bato. They’re literally barking up the wrong tree.

PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ De La Rosa followed the order of President Duterte to reinstate Supt. Marvin Marcos and 18 other cops tagged in the killing of two people last year. De La Rosa said, as PNP chief, he must follow the orders of Rodrigo Duterte who is the country’s Coddler-In-Chief.

Sen. Panfilo Lacson said, “There is a phrase to describe this whole damn thing: Putang ina!” He vowed to lead a Senate inquiry on the matter. Rumors say the President is willing to attend the hearing. Majority bloc senators can’t wait to sit, jump, roll over, and play dead when he arrives.

Reports say Philippine President and ASEAN chairman Rodrigo Duterte was snubbed by the organizers of the G20 Summit held recently in Hamburg, Germany.  In attendance were the likes of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, Indonesian President Jokowi Widodo, Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi and controversial US President Donald Trump. Organizers say they did not invite Duterte because they only have room for one monster.

Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales has ordered the filing of charges against former president Benigno S. Aquino III for usurpation of authority and graft in connection with the botched 2015 Mamasapano operation. Things aren’t looking up for the former president. On July 23, the government will start implementing the nationwide smoking ban.

Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales has ordered the filing of charges against former president Benigno S. Aquino III. When the Ombudsman’s harshest critics were asked if they’re still pursuing the impeachment complaint against her, they replied, “What’s that?”

An independent panel of five judges was formed by the World Boxing Organization to watch (without sound) and re-score the controversial Pacquiao-Horn fight. The independent panel has just confirmed the outcome: it was 7 rounds to 5 in favor of the LGBTQ community.

Three of the five independent judges awarded the fight to Horn, one scored a draw and one judge awarded the fight to Pacquiao. In a statement, Senator Pacquiao said, “Nothing surprises me now. We have seen worse judgments in the past where judges manipulated results.” And Timothy Bradley was like, “Pwede, mag-move on ka na?”

Immediately after the outcome of the independent review came out, Manny Pacquiao tweeted that he love the sport of boxing and “until the passion is gone,” he will continue to fight for God, family, fans and country. Or as that’s collectively known, “Bob Arum.”

Some people are still complaining about the MMDA’s earthquake drill, which resulted in heavy traffic. They’re upset that it was conducted on July 14, a rainy payday, Friday. Spoiler Alert, people: Real earthquakes won’t definitely give a fuck about your tantrums.

In Texas, a customer who was about to withdraw money from an ATM got the surprise of his life when he heard a voice coming from the machine. It turned out that a man got trapped inside the ATM full of money. Unconfirmed reports say the guy was a Filipino congressman.
“When a leader encourages the culture of impunity, the society is lost and it makes the work harder for the rest of us.”
~ Wole Soyinka

Sound Bites
“General Bato, fix the killings of people riding on motorcycles. Alagad kayo ng batas, ayusin niyo ang batas hindi ang kabaro n’yo. That must be addressed by General Bato. Babaguhin ko na pangalan ni General Bato, lalagyan ko na ng ‘Gan’ para ‘Batogan.’”
~Sen. Richard Gordon, a staunch Duterte ally

“Duterte not only set the murderers free, he now gave back their badges and guns so they could murder again with impunity. Why? Because Duterte fears that these policemen might rat out on him for what they know about his involvement in the Espinosa murder.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes

“He’s goading people to kill people. That’s a problem. The directive to kill people under any situation in respective of the context to me, that’s not acceptable.”
~Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Supt. Marcos: Richard Reyes/Inquirer.Net; Pacquiao/Horn: World Boxing Organization]


9 07 2017

ANOTHER dose of graphs and charts on Philippine government, politics and society. Have fun!




Vitaliano Aguirre

PNP Chief Sked

Manny Pacquiao

Lawmakers Statements

Fanatics Fake News




Senate K9

MMFF 2017


And more…




On My Way
“Police not enforcing laws results in a high crime rate that is formally reported as a low crime rate in police statistics.”
~Steven Magee

Sound Bites
“It’s quite offensive to treat us like trash bin for abusive cops. And to use the Marawi siege as a punishment shows insensitivity.”
~Assemblyman Zia Alonto Adiong on the PNP’s decision to send police scalawags to Marawi City


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[All graphs were provided by]


3 07 2017

UNHERALDED AUSTRALIAN Jeff Horn scored a controversial unanimous decision win over Manny Pacquiao in Brisbane. The fight lasted 12 rounds and some analysts faulted Pacquiao for this. He took an assignment lightly and failed to do his job well. Apparently, Pacquiao thought he was at the Senate.

According to Compubox, Pacquiao outlanded Horn, 182 to 92 but the three judges at ringside scored the fight 117-111, 115-113, and 115-113 all for the former school teacher. Horn took home the WBO welterweight belt while Pacquiao went home with a “WTF just happened?!?” look on his face.

Despite the controversial loss, Malacañang said, “Nothing will change. Manny Pacquiao will remain our People’s Champ.” And a Duterte lackey, a death penalty advocate, an EJK supporter, and a Bible-quoting bigot.

Some lawmakers and several Pacquiao allies in both chambers of Congress lamented the loss saying he was “robbed.” Whether you agree with them or not, you can’t just dismiss the opinion of people who are experts on robbery.

Interviewed after his stunning defeat, Manny Pacquiao thanked his Filipino fans and his family for rallying behind him. He also expressed appreciation to his wife, Jinkee for her unblinking support.

Pacquiao’s trainer Freddie Roach says Manny should seek a rematch and then retire because “he’s got nothing left to prove.” Pacquiao said he’ll make a final decision after consulting with his family, his wife Jinkee, and the BIR.

For Manny Pacquiao, the rematch, if there would be one, should take place in Manila. Jeff Horn is worried though since people who fight back in Manila end up being dead.

Interviewed after the controversial 12-round fight, Jeff Horn revealed his wife was pregnant. And it took them only three rounds to make that happen.

1Vicious Fan
Angry and bitter fans of Manny Pacquiao flooded Jeff Horn’s social media accounts with insults, profanities, curses and sexist comments. Foreign media described the comments as “vicious” – Or as that’s also called here in the Philippines, “presidential.”
“Karma bides it’s time. You will always have to watch out. Karma is unforgiving and always gets payback.”
~Benjamin Bayani

Sound Bites
“I’ve just believed since I was very young that I could do this.”
~Jeff Horn

Now you know.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Jeff Horn:AP Photo/Tertius Pickard; PacHorn: Getty Images; Pacman and Jinkee: Dyan Castillejo/ANC]


26 06 2017

FIND OUT if you are updated. Select an answer by clicking it, and you’ll know right away if you got it right. Good luck!


Sa unang taon pa lang niya sa office, 17 countries na agad ang nabisita ni President Duterte ayon sa Inquirer Research. Ilang beses siya bumiyahe?
Wrong! Ano ‘yun, 3x a month?! Wala nang ginawa kundi bumiyahe?
Mali! Pero gusto nina Sandra Cam at Mocha Uson ‘yan! Join daw sila.
Correct! Official lahat ‘yan. ‘Di pa kasama ang check-up. Ooops. Erase! Erase! Erase!

1Fake News

Who is the author of Senate Bill No. 1492 or An Act Penalizing the Malicious Distribution of False News and Other Related Violations?
Sen. Sonny Trillanes
Where have you been?
Sen. Joel Villanueva
Correct! Lakas ng tsamba!
Sen. Sonny Angara
Mali ka! You armchair expert!


Ano ang pamagat ng tele-radio program nina Martin Andanar at Mocha Uson?
DDS Podcast
Correct! ‘Di man lang pinag-isipan ‘no? But then again, what do you expect?
Tunay na Pagbabago!
Wrong! I can’t blame you though. Who would wanna listen to them?
Sulong, Pilipinas!
Mali! But it’s ok. We understand.

1Abby Binay

Nag-post ng picture si Vicki Belo after ng civil wedding nila ni Hayden Kho. Online, ang nagkasal kina Vicki at Hayden na si Makati City Mayor Abby Binay ay napagkamalang __________.
Maid ni Vicki Belo
Wrong! Pero ‘di kita masisi.
Alalay ni Hayden Kho
Wrong! Bawal ang babaeng alalay for Hayden. #AlamMoNa
Yaya ni Scarlet Snow Belo
Tama! At walang masama sa pagiging yaya. Masama ‘yung nagpapayaman sa puwesto.


Nagalit si MMDA Chairman Danilo Lim nang tanungin ng media tungkol sa mga plano nito upang maresolba ang matinding traffic sa Metro Manila. Sagot ni Lim:
“Gusto n’yong gawin ko ang solusyon eh isang buwan pa lang ako dito!”
Correct! May pagka-pikon si General. Afraid!
“Ang dami n’yong reklamo. Kayo kaya ang maupo sa MMDA!”
Mali! Katulad ng mga naging ex mo, mali!
“Kung magsalita kayo, parang kayo lang ang nata-traffic ah!”
Wrong! Sa love life nga, ‘di ka na tumama; pati ba naman sa quiz?!


Hinamong “magpapawis” (suntukan) ni Erwin Tulfo ang award-winning investigative journalist na si Ed Lingao matapos punahin ni Lingao ang paggamit ni Tulfo ng fake news sa kanyang pambabatikos sa radyo. Ngunit sagot ni Lingao, kung gusto talaga ni Tulfo na pawisan, ito raw ang dapat niyang gawin.
Makipagsuntukan kay Claudine Barretto
Wrong! Hindi pa nga nakakabawi ang mga Tulfo eh. Tama na!
Kumain ng sili
Mali! Napakaanghang na nga ng bunganga niya eh. ‘Wag nang dagdagdan.
Tama ka! ‘Yun daw ang dapat gawin ni Erwin Tulfo: mag-isip. Ang tanong: capable ba?


Dahil sa glitch sa kanilang system recently, magkano raw ang “mistakenly withdrawn” mula sa BPI accounts?
Correct! At fault daw ‘yun ng isa nilang programmer. May trabaho pa kaya siya?
Wrong! Grade school pa lang, mahina ka na sa numbers. Until now pala.
Mali! Puro headlines lang kasi ang binabasa mo! Tamad!


Kontrobersyal ang likhang-sining na ito ng artist na si Ferdinand Cacnio. Marami raw kasi itong kahalintulad na sculpture sa ibang bansa. Dubbed by the media as the floating “female Oblation,” what was the name given by Cacnio to his work?
Wrong! Kesyo Greek word, akala mo, ‘yun ang tama. You’re a disgrace to the society!
Huhula ka na rin lang, mali pa! Hayyyy!
Correct! Masaya ka na?


Kamakailan, nagulat ang members ng isang Church nang magsalita sa harapan ang isang 13-year-old girl at inaming siya ay lesbian! Ayun, inoff ang kanyang mikropono. Sa anong congregation siya kabilang?
Church of Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons)
Correct! Ang homophobic lang.
Iglesia Ni Cristo
Wrong! No further comment.
Jesus Is Lord Movement
Mali ka! Pray ka pa nang konti para tumama.


May termino ang isang sociologist for the micro-generation born between 1977 and 1983. Sila raw ang mix ng pessimistic Generation X at ng optimistic Millennials. Ano ang tawag sa kanila?
Correct! In fairness, nabasa mo yata ang article about this.
Wrong! Obvious na obvious; nanghula ka lang.
Mali ka na naman! Wala ka talagang silbi sa mundo.


Bonus Question: To the rescue kay Erwin Tulfo ang kapatid na si Ben Tulfo. He “pulvorized” (pahiram ng term mo, Ben)  investigative journalist Ed Lingao on radio. Tanong: Kung may aalisin si Ben Tulfo sa kanyang katawan, alin dito ang dapat niyang unahin:
Fake accent
To be fair, mas nauna ang fake accent kesa fake news!
Umuulan, may shades? Nasa loob ng radio booth, may shades? Action star ka!?
Mohorovičić discontinuity
Wala lang. Gusto ko lang isama sa choices. ‘Di naman niya alam kung ano ‘yun eh.

“No matter how kind you are, always expect a few imbeciles.”
~Criss Jami,Healology

Sound Bites
“At a time when it has become even more difficult to ferret truth from lies, spins and fakery, we hereby restate our firm promise to a high sense of responsibility and honesty in the practice of our chosen profession. We do so as we express our support to our esteemed colleague Ed Lingao who is now being pilloried and threatened by some quarters.”
~National Union of Journalists of the Philippines (NUJP)


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Duterte the Traveler; Photo: ABS-CBN News

Anti-Fake News Bill; Photo:

Vicki Belo-Hayden Kho Wedding; Photo: Instagram/@victoria_belo

BPI Bank Systems Glitch; Photo: GMA Network

MMDA and Traffic; Photo: ABSCBN News

Ed Lingao vs. Erwin Tulfo
Ed Lingao vs. Ben Tulfo

Female Oblation; Photo: Ferdinand Cacnio’s Facebook Page

Church of Christ of Latter-Day Saints; Photo:

Xennials, the micro generation born between 1977 and 1983 are a ‘mix between pessimists and optimists’


20 06 2017

JUNE 19 marked the 156th birth anniversary of Dr. Jose P. Rizal. Interviewed at the Rizal Shrine in Calamba, Laguna, PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ Dela Rosa claimed he was a descendant of our national hero. In response, Jose Rizal said, “This has got to be my worst birthday ever.”

On the celebration of the 156th birth anniversary of Dr. Jose Rizal, PNP Chief Bato Dela Rosa told the media he was a “proud descendant” of our national hero. Like Rizal, Bato says, he loves the Filipinos and he loves the Philippines. And he also loves attention.

State of Health
Is he sick? Is he in the hospital? Is he dying? After making himself scarce for five working days, President Duterte resurfaced in Butuan City last Sunday. He told the media, “I’m good. I’m alive.” Even Death doesn’t want to have anything to do with him.

When pressed about the issue, the President said, “I went on a trip somewhere. I cannot divulge it. I have to go there incognito. That’s the truth.” Of these four statements though, Malacañang has yet to identify which ones are hyperbole and which ones are not.


Last week, netizens hit Sen. Cynthia Villar for saying unli-rice promos in restaurants should be prohibited because eating too much rice may lead to diabetes. A day later, Mrs. Villar clarified she just voiced out a legitimate health concern and was not pushing for a ban on unli-rice promos. And Senator Drilon was like, “Good to know.”

According to the World Economic Forum, the country’s ranking in the 2017 Travel and Tourism Competitiveness Index dropped five places to 79th spot out of 136 countries. As of this morning, the Department of Tourism is still trying to figure out a way to blame this on McCann Worldgroup.


As we all know, the Department of Tourism decided to cut ties with McCann Worldgroup amid allegations the agency copied its ‘Experience the Philippines’ ad from South Africa’s tourism advertisement. The public now wants to know what agency will replace McCann; when will the new ad be released, and why on earth is Wanda Teo still the DOT secretary?!?

The Mummy
Tom Cruise’s latest film, ‘The Mummy’ is performing poorly at the box office. ‘The Mummy’ tells the story of an awakened female monster who embarks on a furious rampage; wreaking havoc and destruction with the help of her minions by spreading fake news and hate on social media.
“Blaming others is an act of refusing to take responsibility. When a person can’t accept the fact or the reality, they blamed another person or the situation instead of taking accountability.”
~Dee Dee Artner

Burn Tulfo, Burn!
Investigative journalist Ed Lingao who was unfairly and viciously attacked on-air by Radyo Singko host Erwin Tulfo (and online, by Dutertrolls) posted a rejoinder on Facebook. This is our ‘Burn of the Week.’ Reposting the screen caps from Mr. Lingao’s Facebook account.

Sound Bites
“Sa kama lang naman ako, kayo naman. Coma? Kung coma ako, eh ‘di wala ako dito para mamutang ina.”
~President Duterte on health-related rumors

“Kung mag-research ka, makita n’yo sa kanilang family tree, sa mother side, meron doong nakalagay, isa sa mga lola niya Inez dela Rosa kaya ‘yun ang kina-capitalize ko na kine-claim ko na descendant ako ni Jose Rizal.”
~PNP Chief Bato Dela Rosa

Patahimikin n’yo na si Rizal. Please lang. Thank you.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Bato:; Cynthia Villar: ABSCBN News; McCann/DOT: Rappler; Ed Lingao: PCIJ]


10 06 2017

PHILIPPINE government and politics presented in graphs and charts. Enjoy and share!

1. P*TANG I*A!


3Aguirre Intel





3Profile Fake Info








16. ARF! ARF!
“You can’t debate satire. Either you get it or you don’t.”
~Michael Moore

Sound Bites
“It is bad enough that you have shown no qualms about throwing the law, the truth and justice out the window in your headlong rush to persecute – sorry, prosecute – perceived foes of the administration. But trying to blame others for your blunders unmasks you as a mean-spirited coward.”
~National Union of Journalists in the Philippines to DOJ Sec. Vitaliano Aguirre

Serves you right.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Images of graphs and charts from; Copy: TPH]


5 06 2017

THE LONE GUNMAN in the Resorts World Manila attack last week has been identified. In a press conference Sunday, the parents of suspect Jessie Javier Carlos apologized to the victims of the incident that left 38 people dead. Thirty-eight! Tragic. The only thing more tragic is having Bato De La Rosa as PNP chief.

Police said robbery was the motive behind the attack. House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez disagreed saying it was “a clear example of a ‘lone wolf’ terrorist attack targeting civilians to inflict maximum loss of life and damage to property.” It wasn’t clear how Alvarez arrived at his conclusion or why was he even talking about something that happened in Metro Manila when he’s from Mindanao.

Shortly after announcing the name of the gunman, NCRPO chief Oscar Albayalde reiterated, “This is not an act of terrorism. This incident is confined to the act of one man alone.” When Pantaleon Alvarez heard this, he texted President Duterte, “Boss o, he’s contradicting his own government.”

NCRPO Chief Oscar Albayalde said, “This is not an act of terrorism. We will not allow people or any group to use this situation to advance their propaganda or personal causes.” And Pantaleon Alvarez was like, “Inaano ba kita?”


Immediately after news of the Resorts World attack broke, the madman in the White House – in a speech, carelessly labeled the incident as an act of terror. “I would like to begin by addressing the terrorist attack in Manila. We’re closely monitoring the situation,” said US President Pantaleon Trump.

The lone gunman, Jessie Javier Carlos was a dismissed Finance Department employee who got addicted to casino gambling. State-run PAGCOR which operates gaming establishments like casinos, said it would put in place measures to curb gambling addiction. In other news, McDonald’s and Coca-Cola vowed to promote healthy eating habits.

#MarCha on RTVM
Malacañang has launched a radio/podcast hosted by Martin Andanar and Mocha Uson on government station Radio TV Malacañang or RTVM. The title of the weekly program is FNN – Fake News Ngayon.

Logan… Live! 
Last week, Radio TV Malacañang or RTVM “accidentally” live-streamed the film ‘Logan’ on its official Facebook page. It was obviously a pirated copy of the movie shown in the Philippines three months ago. RTVM has apologized for livestreaming ‘Logan’ saying, “It’s an old film. We should have livestreamed ‘Wonder Woman’ instead.”


Wonder Woman
People are talking about the blockbuster and critically-acclaimed film ‘Wonder Woman.’ Wonder Woman is a fictional superhero appearing in DC Comics. A high-skilled fighter, Wonder Woman fights bad guys using a variety of weapons including a magical sword, the bracelets of victory, and the lasso of truth otherwise known as Mocha Uson’s worst nightmare.
“In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”
~George Orwell

Sound Bites
“May Congress ba tayo? Puro tameme. Itong Senate and House, they are not voices, they are echoes. Kung anong sasabihin ni Digong, ‘Yes sir, yes sir!’”
~Former Senator Rene Saguisag


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: NCRPO Chief/Gunman: Romeo Ranoco/Reuters; Trump: AP/Evan Vucci; Wonder Woman: (Clay Enos/Warner Bros.]


30 05 2017

NETIZENS slammed the State-run Philippine News Agency (PNA) and its head Martin Andanar for using a Vietnam War photo (sans attribution) for its article on the Marawi City siege. The article was even re-posted by Assistant Sec. Oh No A Scum in her Facebook page. Earlier in May, the PNA also uploaded “fake news” on extrajudicial killings in the country.

On Tuesday, May 30, Andanar’s office issued a statement saying the mistakes “have cast doubt on our integrity.” What integrity?!


HERE’S how the Philippine Fake News Agency would probably report the latest developments in the country.

An agent of the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency inspects a shabu laboratory in Sta. Cruz, Laguna. (PFNA)

Expressing support for President Duterte’s all-out war on drugs, hunky residents of Davao City volunteered to rid the city of drug pushers and drug users. #DefendtheRepublic (PFNA)

ISIS rebels raising a flag atop Mt. Banahaw in Luzon. President Duterte mulls declaring Martial Law in the region. (PFNA)

An unidentified resident volunteers to bring food to government soldiers. #DefendTheRepublic (PFNA)

Malacañang dismisses rumors President Duterte is protecting alleged big-time drug lord Peter Lim. This PFNA file photo shows the President threatening to shoot Lim if he continues to operate in Mindanao.

Kuha ito sa isinagawang raid ng pulisya sa hinihinalang pugad ng mga drug addicts sa Navotas City. Ang nasukol na lalaki sa larawan ay lulong sa ipinagbabawal na gamot. (PFNA)

Police rescued at least a dozen children from their abusive drug-dependent parents in Caloocan and Malabon last Thursday. (PFNA)

Namamahinga ang ilang construction workers sa itinatayo nilang gusali sa Makati City. Kumpiyansa ang mga negosyante sa takbo ng ekonomiya sa ilalim ng administrasyong Duterte. (PFNA)

Tourists cross a street in Lanao Del Sur. Peace-loving foreigners appreciate the declaration of Martial Law in Mindanao. (PFNA)

Tumulong ang mga mangingisdang Pinoy sa pagsagip sa ilang miyembro ng Chinese Navy matapos lumubog ang sinasakyang patrol boat ng mga ito sa West Philippine Sea. Pinatunayan nito ang lalo pang tumitibay na pagkakaibigan ng Pilipinas at China. (PFNA)

PNP Chief Ronald Bato De La Rosa has denied reports the number of riding-in-tandem vigilantes is on the rise. (PFNA)
“You can sway a thousand men by appealing to their prejudices quicker than you can convince one man by logic.”
― Robert A. Heinlein

Sound Bites
a.k.a. The Ultimate ‘Burn’ of the Month


The psychology behind fake news
The first is “motivated reasoning,” the idea that we are motivated to believe whatever confirms our opinions.

Huwag tanga.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: PNA via Rappler, and Wikimedia Commons]


26 05 2017

PRESIDENT DUTERTE was in Moscow recently. He had a brief conversation with Russian President Vladimir Putin. He said, “You are a powerful leader. I admire your tyrannical mindset.” There’s no word yet on how Duterte responded.

President Duterte fired Dangerous Drugs Board (DDB) chair Benjamin Reyes for telling the media there were 1.8 million drug users in the country: people who exhibit changes in behavior, hallucinations, and paranoia. Duterte insists the number is from 3 to 4 million. I believe it’s 16 million.


In a televised speech, President Duterte fired DDB chair Benjamin Reyes. Addressing the official, Duterte said, “You’re fired today. Get out of the service. You do not contradict your own government!” Malacañang is now accepting applicants for the vacated post. To qualify for the job, aspirants must meet the following criteria: experience, dedication, and disregard for truth.

The DDB chair has been fired. Malacañang has created a three-man search committee to look for a replacement. The three members of the committee are all Bong Go.

On Wednesday, President Duterte said the chief of police of Malabang, Lanao Del Sur was beheaded by the Maute group. The next day, Malabang police chief Senior Inspector Romeo Enriquez surfaced and told the media, “I am still alive!” Enriquez fears losing his job though because he contradicted his own government.


The ISIS terror group has reportedly established a branch in Mindanao, and Abu Sayyaf leader Isnilon Japilon is their point man. In an intercepted message, ISIS revealed its plan to sow terror, fear, and divisiveness in the country saying “Duterte cannot do it alone.”

The transcript of last month’s phone conversation between US President Donald Trump and President Rodrigo Duterte had been leaked online. Trump and Duterte talked about North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, with both leaders describing Kim as a “madman.” In response, Kim Jong Un was like, “Hiyang-hiya naman ako sa katinuan n’yo!”

Leaked II
According to the leaked transcript, when Donald Trump asked Duterte about Kim Jong Un, Duterte answered, “He is not stable, Mr. President.” In a statement released by Pyongyang, the North Korean leader admitted that being called ‘unstable’ by someone like Duterte was a double insult.

In case you missed it, here are portions of the Trump-Duterte phone convo translated into Tagalog:

April 29, 2017

POTUS: Rodrigo, ano ba ang tingin mo kay Kim Jong Un ng North Korea?

PRRD: Mr. President, mukhang may topak eh.

POTUS: Parang tayo lang. Ha-ha-ha


POTUS: Hello? Rodrigo? Nandiyan ka pa? Hello?!?

* * * * *

POTUS: Rodrigo, nabasa ko ang sinabi mo tungkol sa Australian rape victim. Totoo ba ‘yun? “Dapat mauna si Mayor.” Ang gago lang! Ha-ha-ha

PRRD: Mr. President, narinig ko ang secret tape ng pag-uusap n’yo ng host na si Billy Bush tungkol sa mga babae. Sabi mo, “I grab them by the pussy.” ‘Tang ina, kupal.


PRRD: Mr. President, still there? Hello?!?

* * * * *

POTUS: Rodrigo, saludo ako sa drug war mo. Dito sa US, marami ring addict kaya nakaka-relate ako.

PRRD: Salamat, Mr. President.

POTUS: Salot talaga ‘yang droga. ‘Pag na-addict ka d’yan, masisira ang utak mo. Totopakin ka. ‘Buti na lang never akong na-addict sa kahit anong droga. Tarantado lang ang naa-addict sa droga.




POTUS: May nasabi ba akong masama? Hello? Rodrigo? Hello?!?
“Authoritarianism does not let people decide; its basic premise is that people do not know how to decide. It promotes repression that prevents meaningful change, and preserves the structure of power and privilege.”
~Former senator Jose W. Diokno

Sound Bites
“I urge you to speak out with truth even against the overwhelming tide of popular opinion and reach out to the oppressed and disenfranchised. When you face threats to the sanctity of human rights or the stability of our democracy, give your all to protect these freedoms. Give your all to protect our nation and our people.”
~Chief Justice Ma. Lourdes Sereno, Commencement Address, ADMU, 5.26.2017


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte/Putin: Maxim Shemetov/AP; Reyes/DDB: GMA News]

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