DARK, DEPRESSING

Rodrigo Duterte and Imee Marcos walk into a bar. Find out what happens.


“Huwag n’yo na akong takutin. Gusto ko na ring mamatay kasi pagod na ako pero gusto kong mapunta sa impyerno.”
–Rodrigo Duterte

I am on Twitter & Instagram: @HecklerForever8

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FRIENDS OF THE DEVIL

It’s official. According to the University of the Philippines, Imee Marcos did not graduate from UP Diliman.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever8

PRAY FOR DUTERTE

On the third day, Duterte rose again.

______________

I’m on Twitter: @hecklerforever8

OF PANTIES AND PAY HIKES

President Duterte is getting a generous pay hike. Can you guess how much does he make a month?











THE 2018 MMFF: A REVIEW?

Forget about Woody Allen or Judd Apatow. This is cinema at its most ambitious.

DID you see this year’s Metro Manila Film Festival entries or did you skip the entire festival? Here’s a “review” of the eight movies.

OTLUM
Starring: Ricci Rivero and Jerome Ponce
Medyo underwhelming ang trailer pero malaking kawalan kung ‘di mo ito mapapanood. Sa opening sequence pa lang ay mapapasigaw ka na: Otlum! Obkat! May otlum! Swabe ang effects. May point sa movie na mapapaisip ka: Guillermo Del Toro ba ang gumawa nito? Unbelievable. Kakaiba rin ang twist ng kwento. Bago umabot sa kalahati ang pelikula, kakampi mo na ang multo. Ganun ka-powerful ang atake sa character ng otlum. Petmalu!

AURORA
Starring: Anne Curtis
Superb ang acting ng buong cast lalo na ‘yung mga gumanap na taumbayan. Nabigyang justice ng bida ang role niya bilang Aurora. Kahit hindi magsalita, ramdam mo ang paghihinagpis nito matapos malugi ang kanyang lugawan. Mabagal ang development ng story pero hindi mo ito mararamdaman dahil makakatulog ka. Medyo tragic ang ending ngunit dahil mahusay ang pagkakadirek, lalabas kang nakangiti sa sinehan.

THE GIRL IN THE ORANGE DRESS
Starring: Jessy Mendiola and Jericho Rosales
Wow! Just wow. Nang unang lumabas sa screen ang orange dress, everyone was floored. Sa history ng Philippine cinema, ngayon lang gumamit ng gano’ng kagandang dress. At ang mas lalong nakakahanga – kulay orange! The film’s costume designer deserves an Oscar nod. Hindi rin pwedeng i-ignore ang girl. Iba ang chemistry nila ng dress. May flaws sa storytelling pero kung titingnan mo ang detalye ng orange dress, balewala na ang mga butas na iyon sa kuwento. This movie dressed to impress.

ONE GREAT LOVE
Starring: Kim Chiu, JC De Vera and Dennis Trillo
Kung ang hanap mo ay kilig, ito ang perfect movie para sa ‘yo. Medyo complicated nga lang ang plot: si Kim Chiu ay girlfriend ni JC. Si Dennis naman ay magbabalut sa kanilang barangay. Mai-inlove sa balut si Kim. Pero si JC, may lihim palang pagtingin kay Dennis. Unfortunately, si Dennis naman ay matagal nang may kinakasamang itik. (Deserved niya ang best actor award.) It’s a tale of difficult choices and regretful decisions. Sino kaya ang makahahanap ng one great love – ang tao o ang itik?

JACK EM POPOY: THE PULISCREDIBLES
Starring: Vic Sotto, Coco Martin, Maine Mendoza
WHAT. A. MASTERPIECE. Napaka-original ng story. The screenplay was outstanding. Bagong lahat ang punchlines. Forget about Woody Allen or Judd Apatow. This is cinema at its most ambitious. In fact, may isang eksena kung saan kausap ni Jack si Popoy. Galit na galit si Popoy pero nang mag-joke si Jack, napanganga ang viewers. Isang critic pa nga ang napasigaw, “That’s puliscredibles! Ang galing!”

MARY, MARRY ME
Starring: Toni Gonzaga and Alex Gonzaga
Pwedeng tumayo ang pelikula kahit sila lang ang cast members gamit ang isang camera sa kusina ng kanilang bahay. Gano’n sila kahusay sa movie na ito. The marriage proposal scene was uber-hilarious at isa ito sa highlights ng movie. Spoiler Alert: Naghuhugas ng plato si Mary nang biglang pumasok sa kusina ang kanyang boyfriend na may dalang isang kilong kiat-kiat, sabay tanong, “Mary, will you marry me?” Sa gulat, nabitawan ni Mary ang hawak na tasa pero hindi ito nabasag dahil sa basahan ito bumagsak. GRABE LANG. I mean, how on Earth they did pull off that magical scene? Props to the director and to the Gonzaga sisters who were both phenomenal in the movie.

FANTASTICA
Starring: Vice Ganda and the entire showbiz industry
Diz wuz robbed! Big time! Malaking kuwestyon pa rin kung bakit wala itong nakuhang award ni isa. Napakaganda ng pagkakalatag sa kwento. Bawat eksena, fantastic. ‘Yung editing, production design at sound mixing also fantastic. Even the lead star, known for his method acting, is now drawing comparison to Daniel Day Lewis. Exceptional ang cinematography lalo na sa closing credits. ‘Yung ginamit na scoring, pinag-isipan kaya lumabas na fantastic. Overall, fantastic siya.

RAINBOW’S SUNSET
Starring: Gloria Romero, Tony Mabesa and Eddie Garcia
(No review available. The movie was pulled from theaters after the opening day.)

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I’ve been busy the past few weeks and will be busier in the coming days. I won’t be able to update this blog regularly. But I’ll be active as ever on Twitter.

Thank you everyone who dropped by my blog this year. See you all in 2019.

Happy New Year!

UNCENSORED: DUTERTE’S XMAS MESSAGE

“To my countrymen… ”
(Meaning: Sa mga gagong naniniwala pa rin sa akin)

PRESIDENT DUTERTE’S Christmas message was written in English. Here’s the original version – and what he really meant (in Filipino).

1D

To my countrymen,
(Sa mga gagong naniniwala pa rin sa akin),

My sincerest and most heartfelt greetings to all Filipinos, both here and abroad, as we celebrate Christmas.
(Marami-rami pa rin kayo. My gad, i hate draaaags.)

Once again, it is the time of the year where we honor, gather our families and friends to celebrate the nativity of Jesus, share life’s many blessings and demonstrate our love and gratitude for each other.
(Unang-una, ‘yung isturya sa Bible, gawa-gawa lang ‘yan. Sa’n ka nakakita ng nabuntis na virgin? Gago! ‘Tang ina. Tapos ‘yung tala sa langit, gumalaw daw kaya sinundan ng mga hari. Ulol! May lumalakad bang star? Stupid story!)

As we take part in this joyous occasion…
(Magsaya na kayo hangga’t buhay pa kayo mga gago! Mga addict sa druga!)

May we contemplate on the worth of the lessons that we can learn from the narrative of Christ’s birth.
(Ang lesson dun, ‘wag kang mag-druga. Nabuntis ng iba tapos inako mo ang bata, eh di nagdruga ka. Adik yata ‘yung Joseph na ‘yun!)

Let the ideas of compassion…
(Kung kumpare mo, kaawaan mo. Kaya si Peter Lim, malaya pa rin.)

Kindness…
(Pati si Bong Revilla, nakalabas na.)

And reconciliation…
(Kita n’yo, magkapartido na ang Marcos at Cayetano!)

… guide us as we embrace our countrymen in the spirit of shared humanity.
(Drug addicts are not humans! I repeat, DRUG ADDICTS ARE NOT HUMANS.)

Together let us bring hope and peace in our nation this Yuletide season…
(Iboto n’yo straight ang Hugpong ng Pagbabago. Pa-Pasko n’yo na sa akin.)

… as we welcome the coming year with much hope and optimism.
(‘Pag may nanalo d’yang Dilawan, sabihin ko sa inyo, mag-resign man ako. I am not kidding. Iwanan ko kayo. Pagod na rin ako. Bahala kayo sa buhay n’yo!)

I wish everyone a happy and meaningful Christmas.
(Mga gago! Maniwala man kayo sa Christmas, Christmas na ‘yan. Niloloko lang kayo ng mga putang inang bishops na ‘yan para kumita sila. Dapat talaga patayin na lang ‘yang mga dimonyong ‘yan!)

—-END—-

SA BULLY, ISANG MAIKLING LIHAM

Hindi na rin nakagugulat kung pati ang pisikal mong anyo ay nilalait ngayon.

AAMININ KO, galit ang naramdamam ko nang una kong mapanood ang iyong video. Iba kang magsalita. Punung-puno ng yabang. Wala kang pakialam kahit makasakit ka pa ng iyong kapwa.  

Akala mo, diyos ka. Gusto mong sinasamba ka ng mga nakapaligid sa ‘yo. Ganyan ka rin umasta at magsalita sa iba mo pang videos na nakakalat sa social media. Matagal mo na itong ginagawa.

Ang pumalag sa ‘yo, duguan. Skilled ka eh. Sanay kang lumaban at manakit. Sanay kang magpahirap sa taong ayaw sumunod sa gusto mo.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ka pinalaki ng iyong mga magulang. Pero ayaw ko silang husgahan.  Protektado ka rin daw ng ilang makapangyarihan sa lipunan kaya malakas ang iyong loob. Maging ang institusyong kinabibilangan mo, hindi rin nakaligtas sa batikos dahil sa tila pagbubulag-bulagan sa paulit-ulit mong kawalanghiyaan.

Hindi ko masisi ang maraming tao kung magngitngit man sila sa galit. Hindi na rin nakagugulat kung pati ang pisikal mong anyo ay nilalait ngayon. Tinatawag kang pangit, kupal, sira-ulo, at kung anu-ano pang pangalan.

Pati ang iyong pamilya, pinag-iinitan. Nagkalat sa social media ang inyong mga larawan. Iisa ang tingin sa inyo ng maraming tao, lahat kayo, walanghiya.

To be fair, marami rin namang nagtatanggol sa ‘yo.  Ilan pa nga sa kanila ay pulitiko. Mali raw ang ginagawang pang-aalipusta sa ‘yo lalo na sa social media.

Iniimbestigahan na ngayon ang mga ginawa mo. Sana ay maging patas ang desisyon ng kinauukulan. Sana ay mabilis na umusad ang proseso upang mabigyang hustisya ang iyong mga biktima.

May mga nagsasabing dapat kang bigyan ng pagkakataong magbago. Everyone deserves a second chance, sabi nila.  Ewan ko. Pero para sa akin, hindi ka na maisasalba. Malalang kaso ka na. ‘Yong bully sa Ateneo, posibleng magbago pa. Pero ikaw na presidente ng Pilipinas, mukhang hindi na.

IMELDA, ‘ANG PROBINSYANO,’ AND POWER NAPS

Mrs. Marcos skipped the promulgation because she was reportedly sick that day – although she partied that same night.

Originally published by the Philippine Daily Inquirer on Nov. 18, 2018.

Imelda

A NEW research published in the journal, Pediatrics revealed that most babies (57 percent) do not sleep through the night. That explains why President Duterte missed those events at the ASEAN Summit.

Last Wednesday, President Duterte skipped several events at the 33rd ASEAN Summit in Singapore. His spokesman said he “took power naps.” To be fair, Duterte’s absence in those events was the country’s brightest moment during the five-day summit.

______________________

Imelda Marcos has been found guilty of seven counts of graft. But the former First Lady is still running for governor of Ilocos Norte next year because she “wants to serve” her constituents. She can actually do something even better: serve her prison term.

Mrs. Marcos failed to attend the promulgation of the guilty verdict saying she was “suffering from multiple organ infirmities.” Even her organs are sick of her.

Mrs. Marcos skipped the promulgation because she was reportedly sick that day – although she partied that same night. Then on Friday, she claimed she didn’t know about the promulgation at all. Do you remember the saying, “Ang sinungaling ay kapatid ng magnanakaw?” In some cases, “Ang sinungaling at magnanakaw ay iisa lang.”

______________________

Last Friday, the Sandiganbayan allowed Imelda Marcos to post P150,000 bail for her provisional liberty – giving her yet another reason to party.

______________________

Imelda is already 89 years old. According to a medical certificate from the St. Luke’s Medical Center, she has seven ailments. And yet, she’s still very strong and full of life. Some say it’s stem cell. Others believe it’s formalin.

______________________

The former First Lady has yet to release an official statement on the Court’s ruling. But some sympathizers have expressed their support for her like Quezon 3rd District Rep. Danilo Suarez, Sen. Cynthia Villar, and the Philippine National Police.

______________________

PNP chief Director General Oscar Albayalde got flak for making comments on the impending arrest of Mrs. Marcos. Albayalde said, “Baka magalit sa atin, matanda na. May edad na kasi.” Thank you Sir for letting us know who was being referred to in the PNP motto, “To serve and protect.”

______________________

The PNP chief gave us the impression it would be difficult to arrest Imelda because of health, age, and the fact that her last name is neither De Lima nor Trillanes.

______________________

Amid the barrage of criticisms being hurled against him on the Imelda Marcos issue, PNP chief Oscar Albayalde complained about ‘Ang Probinsyano,’ the most popular primetime series today. The distraction worked. We all fell for it. Congratulations!

______________________

The PNP chief scored the negative depiction of policemen in the primetime series. Albayalde said the portrayal is unfair to the police force. “I so agree,” said Imelda Marcos.

PNP chief Oscar Albayalde insists the inaccurate depiction of cops in the primetime series gives a bad impression of police officers. Albayalde should be thankful. The impression would have been a lot worse if the depiction was truly accurate.

______________________

Former Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay claimed he was cheated in the 2016 presidential elections. (No need for a punchline.)
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“It is the common people’s duty to police the police.”
~Steven Magee

Sound Bites
“Itong Australyano di ko maintindihan. Ang invitation eh ‘informal’ breakfast…Unang una hindi ako kumakain ng breakfast… Pangalawa, informal. Ano ipakakain nila sa atin? Kangaroo?”
~Rodrigo Duterte on skipping the ASEAN-Australia informal breakfast

Nope, they won’t serve you kangaroo. They’ll offer you rabies vaccine.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever8

[Photos: Duterte: South China Morning Post; Ang Probinsyano: PhilStar; Imelda Marcos: Associated Press]

SANTO RODRIGO

“Get hold of a picture of mine, place that in the altar, Santo Rodrigo.”

This article was first published in the Opinion Section of the Philippine Daily Inquirer last Nov. 4.

IN HIS All Saints’ Day and All Souls’ Day message, President Duterte urged Filipinos to “emulate our saints” and help in “alleviating the suffering of others.” To which, Filipinos replied, “You first.”

Less than 24 hours after the release of his All Saints’ Day message, the President mocked the Filipinos’ observance of Undas calling saints “fools” and “drunkards.” He then suggested, “Get hold of a picture of mine, place that in the altar, Santo Rodrigo.” His Ka-DDS supporters were shocked. They said, “He is not a saint! He is our god! No to demotion!”

A Manila policeman attending a Halloween party was allegedly caught snorting cocaine in the restroom of a high-end bar in Taguig City. During questioning, the suspect couldn’t give clear answers and was talking utter nonsense prompting one officer to yell, “Stop acting like the president!”

President Duterte sent flowers to the tomb of Ninoy and Cory Aquino at the Manila Memorial Park on All Saints’ Day. Thankful, the Aquinos couldn’t wait to return the gesture.

Militarization?
President Duterte has ordered a military takeover of the Bureau of Customs (BOC). When he heard the news, Paolo Duterte said, “Challenge accepted.”

Another retired military general, Rey Leonardo Guerrero has been appointed commissioner of the Bureau of Customs. His term officially started last Oct. 30 and will end until the next shabu shipment slips past the BOC.

Reports say President Duterte has full trust in Commissioner Guerrero’s capabilities. In fact, this early, he’s sure of where to transfer Guerrero when he gets fired as Customs chief.

The President justified his appointment of military men in government saying they were the ones who delivered. That’s actually true. Under the watch of former Customs Commissioners Isidro Lapeña and Nicanor Faeldon, some P20-B shabu shipment were delivered.

Bets
According to President Duterte, he will campaign next year for candidates who are “honest” and who are “not corrupt.” Imee Marcos and Jinggoy Estrada are hoping it’s just another Duterte joke.

New Low
From 113th last year, the Philippines’ ranking fell to 124th this year in World Bank’s Ease of Doing Business. The Department of Trade refuses to accept that. You know who else disagrees? Drug smugglers.

Solution
To address the soaring inflation, President Duterte has signed an executive order (EO) that will supervise and coordinate a barter trade in Mindanao. Duterte’s EO took effect last 6000

Trolls
Facebook has taken down several pro-Duterte Facebook pages due to violations of policies. Mark Zuckerberg has since apologized to Duterte supporters for loss of extra income.

Duterte II
Brazil has elected far-right candidate Jair Bolsonaro as president. Political analysts describe Bolsonaro as the Rodrigo Duterte of Latin America. He is a populist, a misogynist, and an advocate of violence and extrajudicial killings. Bolsonaro has denied though his eldest son is a drug smuggler.

Happy Birthday
Star for All Seasons and Batangas 6th District Representative Vilma Santos celebrated her 65th birthday last Saturday, November 3. Ate Vi thanked everyone online who sent her video greetings except for Cesar Montano.
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“Every day he woke to the desire to take the world by the throat, and choke it.”
~Mary Butts

Sound Bites
“The Bureau of Customs under military control is (1) a patent violation of the civilian supremacy clause of the Constitution & civil service rules; (2) an obvious attempt to undermine the integrity of the military by placing its officers in positions where they may be corrupted.”
~Former Solicitor General Florin Hilbay

Twitter: @HecklerForever8

#RIP – PREDICTED EPITAPHS OF LOCAL POLITICAL FIGURES

Juan Ponce Enrile: Walang forever

IN OBSERVANCE of All Saints Day, here are the predicted epitaphs of famous political figures in the Philippines.

1. You’ve been warned.

1RIP Duterte

2. FYI: Death can be revoked.

2Trillanes

3. The girl who cried wolf

3Mocha Uson

4. Maang-maangan School of Acting

6Imee

5. Time has come.

5Mar

6. He died happy.

7Bong Go

7. A quiet place

8Alan Peter

8. He cannot move on.

4Bongbong

9. Transferred.

11Lapena

10. The boy with the dragon tattoo

13 pULONG

11. The fugitive presidential kumpare

17 pETER lIM

12. The Government Contractor

14 cALIDA

13. How did he die?

9Sotto

14. Ms. Senate Inquiry

10gRace Poe

15. A hard habit to break

18 lITO APID

16. Wish granted!

15 hARRY rOQUE

17. The (fake) doctor is in.

16 pERSIDA

18. Most Obedient

20 rAMON

19. Just Google the verse.

19 iMELDA

20. She just gave up.

12kRIS

21. Indeed!

21 eNRILE

22. An inconvenient truth.

22pIA

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“Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.”
~William Shakespeare

1
Sound Bites
“Observers have compared Bolsonaro to U.S. President Donald Trump — both love stirring up controversy on social media and have harnessed populist sentiment, promising to clear their respective governments of corrupt political elites. But his approval of violence and extrajudicial killings makes him closer to the Philippines’ Rodrigo Duterte than to Trump.”
~Fortune on Brazil’s newly-elected leader

We feel you, thinking Brazilians.

I still am on Twitter: @HecklerForever8.

[Photos: Reuters / Gravestone Maker]