SALE! POLITICAL FIRECRACKERS 75% OFF!

Try some of out best-sellers: Duterte Firecracker, Quiboloy Firecracker, Cayetano Firecracker, and Mocha Firecracker!
75% off until December 30!

A QUICK GUIDE to some of the more popular firecrackers being sold in the Philippines. Buy at your own risk.

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Here’s the text version.

Duterte Firecracker

Ito ang pinakamapaminsalang paputok sa nakalipas na tatlong taon. Mabentang-mabenta pa rin sa mga Pinoy kahit napakarami nang namatay at nasugatan. Walang nakakaalam kung kailan matatauhan ang mga consumers sa perwisyong dulot nito.

Cayetano Firecracker

Maraming Pinoy ang nagreklamong palpak daw ang paputok na ito. Nagalit ang exclusive distributor nito at nagbantang kakasuhan ang mga “naninira.” Recently, tinanghal na Best Firecracker ang Cayetano firecracker. Ang nagbigay ng award ay ang mismong distributor nito.

Bonggo Firecracker

Kapag bibili ka ng Duterte Firecracker, may kasamang libreng paputok – ito ang Bonggo firecracker. Popular pero walang value kasi nga, giveaway lang.

Sotto Firecracker

Huwag mo nang sindihan ang paputok na ito kung ayaw mong masira ang araw mo. Kung anu-ano kasi ang lumalabas na sound na nakakabobo.

Leni Firecracker

Ang paputok na safe. Hindi siya gusto ng iba dahil mahina raw ang sabog. Matindi at walang tigil ang paninira rito ng ibang manufacturers para hindi tangkilikin ng consumers.

Mandarambong Firecracker

Na-ban na ito sa market pero magbabalik daw ngayong 2020 kaya maraming consumers ang nagagalit. Nananawagan silang i-boycott ang paputok na ito.

Panelo Firecracker

Makulay ang wrapper ng paputok na ito pero mabubuwisit ka lang sa nalilikha nitong sound. Takpan mo na lang ang tainga mo.

Bongbong Firecracker

Ginamit ang paputok na ito sa nakaraang Philippine International Pyromusical Competition. Hindi na-impress ang panel of judges. Natalo ang manufacturer pero dahil hindi nito matanggap ang pagkatalo, nagsampa ng protesta.

Imelda Firecracker

Maraming Filipino ang nabiktima ng paputok na ito. Noon ay nahinto na ang pagbebenta rito pero tagumpay na nakabalik at ngayon ay tinatangkilik na naman ng mga ignoranteng consumers.

Bato Firecracker

Sa start, maingay ang firecracker na ito pero habang nauubos ang sindi, may maririnig kang parang iyak sa dulo. Ito ang pumalit sa paputok na crying cow.

Cynthia Firecracker

Ang paputok na pangmayaman lang. Kung hindi n’yo kayang bumili ng Cynthia Firecracker, mag-watusi na lang kayo!

De Lima Firecracker

Iniutos ng gobyerno ang pag-ban sa paputok na ito kahit walang sapat na basehan. Pati ibang bansa ay nanawagan na ng pag-lift sa ban.

Faeldon Firecracker

Ilang beses nang na-ban sa market pero ilang ulit ding ibinalik. Malakas sa gobyerno ang manufacturer nito.

Enrile Firecracker

Kapag sinindihan, hindi mamatay-matay.

Tulfo Firecracker

Gustong-gusto ito ng masa. Kahit nakakasakit na ng ibang tao, mabenta pa rin. Last year alone, kumita ng 60 million pesos ang manufacturer nito.

Persida Firecracker

Ang paputok na naghahasik ng takot sa publiko.

Mocha Firecracker

Here’s a testimonial from a buyer: “Ang lakas po! Grabeng lakas. Hindi naman po masyadong malakas. Sakto lang po. Parang baril na mas malakas po.”

Mocha Firecracker 2

‘Wag n’yo nang bilhin. Malamang fake ‘yan.

Quiboloy Firecracker

Ang pinaka-weird na paputok. Tumitigil ang pagputok nito kapag sinabihan mong, “ISTAHP!”

MMK 2021 (DEAR CYNTHIA… )

Dear Cynthia,

Sipag at tiyaga po ba talaga ang susi sa tagumpay? Ang meron lang kasi ako: ganda at lakas ng loob. Paano po ‘yan?!?

THE COUNTRY’s richest man, former Senate president Manny Villar is reportedly interested in acquiring media giant, ABS-CBN. Rumors say Cynthia Villar looks forward to hosting the award-winning drama anthology, ‘Maalaala Mo Kaya.’

In fact, this early, people have been sending letters to Madam Cynthia.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever8

SA LETRANG B: BONG GO!

Bong Go, whose claim to fame was to take selfies with his boss prior to being elected senator, was grilled by Senator Drilon on the Sports Commission’s budget.

Background: Last week, the Senate deliberated on the proposed 2020 budget of the Philippine Sports Commission. Sports committee head Bong Go defended the budget of the PSC. It was revealed that at least P9.5-B was spent for the construction of new sports facilities for this year’s Southeast Asian Games. When Sen. Franklin Drilon inquired about what the gov’t. plans to do with the sports facilities after the SEA Games, Go failed to give a substantive answer. (You all know what happened next!)

Here’s the text version:

Cringe-worthy videos of Bong Go being interpellated by Sen. Franklin Drilon on the budget of the Philippine Sports Commission have gone viral. If you want to see the videos, just go to YouTube and search for “grilled sapsap.“

Bong Go, whose claim to fame was to take selfies with his boss prior to being elected senator, was grilled by Senator Drilon on the PSC’s budget. He couldn’t give a satisfying answer to Drilon’s valid questions prompting someone from the gallery to shout, “Sunog! Saklolo! May nasusunog!”

Rumors say Bong Go’s Ka-DDS supporters are filing a case against Senator Drilon. They want him charged with arson.

Just so you know, Bong Go is the chairman of the Senate Committee on Games, Amusements and Sports. So far, based on his recent Senate grilling, he’s been successful on the “amusements” part.

After the hearing, Bong Go tried to take a selfie with his companions but he couldn’t. Insiders say, “Wala na siyang mukhang maiharap sa camera.”

BREAKING:

Bong Go has officially tapped Ateneo’s Tab Baldwin and UST’s Aldin Ayo for future Senate hearings. He desperately needs great coaches.

I AM ON TWITTER: @HecklerForever8

THE BARRETTO SERYE AND OTHER STORIES

Atong Ang also confirmed the authenticity of a viral photo of him holding hands with Gretchen Barretto while sleeping on a plane.

To those who asked, here’s the text version:

BREAKING: TIME Magazine has officially announced its first ever choice for Domestic Partner of the Year. The vote was unanimous. Congratulations to Filipino businessman Tonyboy Cojuangco.

Businessman Charlie ‘Atong’ Ang confirmed President Duterte tried to reconcile feuding sisters, Gretchen and Marjorie Barretto. He failed. Duterte vows to give it a second try and if he doesn’t succeed, he will resign.

Amid reports linking him to at least three Barretto women, Atong Ang claims he’s a “happily married man.” Imagine what would happen if he’s no longer happy with his marriage.

Atong Ang also confirmed the authenticity of a viral photo of him holding hands with Gretchen Barretto while sleeping during a flight overseas. Here’s a lesser-known fact: Atong Ang’s wife and Tonyboy Cojuangco both hated the 2006 movie, “Snakes on A Plane.”

Just a couple of days after its 18-minute exclusive interview with actress Marjorie Barretto, TV Patrol had another exclusive: a 13-minute interview with businessman Charlie ‘Atong Ang’ who has been romantically-linked to three Barretto women. Those interviews have fueled speculations TV Patrol is changing its title to The Buzz (TB) Patrol.

Marjorie Barretto has finally admitted she fell in love, and had an affair with former Caloocan City Mayor RECOM ECHIVERRI – giving so much hope to so many men out there.

Marjorie Barretto said her father died of

acute respiratory failure. But Gretchen Barretto insisted he died of heart attack. Watching them though, it’s possible the old man died of disappointment.

In other news…

After cutting short his recent Japan visit due to “unbearable pain,” President Duterte went to see a neurologist to have his spinal column checked. But things got really awkward when the neurologist started talking about Duterte’s policy on China and then told him, “Mr. President, I have nothing to check since you don’t have spine.”

President Duterte went to see a neurologist to have his spinal column checked. Malacaٌang says he needs to stay healthy to continue serving the country. He’ll do an even greater service to Filipinos if would have his brain examined too.

President Duterte has a new chief justice in the Supreme Court. He appointed Associate Justice Diosdado Peralta of Ilocos Norte to the post replacing Lucas Bersamin. Shortly after the appointment was announced, the Marcoses threw a victory party.

With Peralta as Chief Justice, Duterte spokesman Salvador Panelo expects the judiciary to uphold the principles of “integrity” and “independence.”

Of course, that was just another classic Panelo joke.

The Philippine Star reported that processed meat products of Mekeni Food Corporation such as hotdogs, longganisa and tocino tested positive for African swine fever or ASF. Health officials say ASF is not a risk on human health. But it definitely poses a risk on Mekeni’s business.

Health experts have previously issued a statement saying African swine fever only affects members of the pig family. That probably explains why congressmen are so worried.

New Zealand-based Filipino marine geophysicist, Jenny Anne Barretto and two others have reportedly discovered the existence of what could possibly be the largest caldera in the word. A caldera is a large crater formed when a volcano erupts and collapses. No, this post is not about President Duterte.

With a diameter of 150 kilometers, the Apolaki Caldera, which was discovered within the Benham Rise, is larger than America’s Yellowstone. What a discovery! What an achievement! To know that a Barretto was part of the team that discovered the caldera is an even bigger achievement.

•••

I’m on Twitter: @HecklerForever8

Exclusive: UPCAT ESSAY QUESTIONS LEAKED

Tatlong hayop na ang nag-interrupt sa speech ni Duterte: ipis, langaw, at tuko. Batay sa physical appearance niya ngayon, anong hayop ang sunod na lalapit sa kanya?

Here are the leaked UPCAT essay questions. Good luck examinees!

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i’m on twitter and IG: @hecklerforever8

THE FLY AND THE PRESIDENT

Duterte tried to swat the fly away and even threatened to slap it with a piece of paper.

“Kagaya nitong langaw na ito. Kanina pa ‘yan sunod nang sunod sa akin. Naligo naman ako, mga buang.” ~President Duterte, 7.30.2019

LIST OF CHINESE SEA CREATURES

Beijing has declared these sea creatures as “Chinese.”

“It’s very difficult to say that there is exclusivity when it’s under water. The fish could be coming from China and the fish from the Philippines could be going to China.”

~Senate President Tito Sotto on whether the resources in the Philippine exclusive economic zone are exclusive to Filipinos

IN RESPONSE, Beijing has released its “official” list of “Chinese” sea creatures.

Here’s the full list:

1. Bisu Go

2. Ma Ya Ma Ya

3. Kandu Li

4. Alu Ma Han

5. Tu Na

6. Ta Hong

7. Ali Ma Ngo

8. Pa Ting

9. Tu Li Ngan

10. Bi Ya

11. Hi To

12. Sug Po

13. Tul Ya

14. Ayu Ngin

15. Ki Tang

16. Bu Tan Ding

17. Du Gong

18. Ga Lung Gong

China has also declared the following as Chinese: Ba Go Ong, Da ing, and Tu Yo.

For the information of Filipinos.