SONA 2019 FAST FACTS: CHANGE HAS COME

The live telecast of the address will have Mandarin subtitles.

Twitter and Instagram: @hecklerforever8

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LIST OF CHINESE SEA CREATURES

Beijing has declared these sea creatures as “Chinese.”

“It’s very difficult to say that there is exclusivity when it’s under water. The fish could be coming from China and the fish from the Philippines could be going to China.”

~Senate President Tito Sotto on whether the resources in the Philippine exclusive economic zone are exclusive to Filipinos

IN RESPONSE, Beijing has released its “official” list of “Chinese” sea creatures.

Here’s the full list:

1. Bisu Go

2. Ma Ya Ma Ya

3. Kandu Li

4. Alu Ma Han

5. Tu Na

6. Ta Hong

7. Ali Ma Ngo

8. Pa Ting

9. Tu Li Ngan

10. Bi Ya

11. Hi To

12. Sug Po

13. Tul Ya

14. Ayu Ngin

15. Ki Tang

16. Bu Tan Ding

17. Du Gong

18. Ga Lung Gong

China has also declared the following as Chinese: Ba Go Ong, Da ing, and Tu Yo.

For the information of Filipinos.

DUTERTE ON WEST PHILIPPINE SEA INCIDENT: “GAGANTI TAYO!” (EXCLUSIVE)

“Matapos banggain ng barko ng China, inabandona pa. Putang ina! Totally unacceptable.”

A CHINESE vessel reportedly rammed and sank a Philippine fishing boat anchored near Recto Bank in the West Philippine Sea on Sunday, June 9.

The military said the Chinese ship left 22 Filipino fishermen “to the mercy of the elements” until a Vietnamese vessel rescued them.

On Friday, President Duterte finally spoke about the issue. Here’s what he said:

“Si Secretary Lorenzana ang nagbalita sa akin tungkol sa nangyari sa South China Sea noong Miyerkules, June 12.

Nagalit ako. Grabe ang galit ko. Kasi nga ang aga-agang tumawag n’yang si Lorenzana para magsumbong eh tulog pa ako no’n! Holiday ‘yon, walang pasok, ‘tapos alas-nuwebe pa lang ng umaga tumatawag na. Pisting yawa.

Secondly, malaking barko pala ng China ang bumangga at sumira sa bangka ng Filipino fishermen. ‘Tapos inabandona pa. Putang ina! Totally unacceptable. Hinding-hindi ko matatanggap na doon pa rin nangingisda ang mga kababayan natin kahit alam nilang may nagpapatrol na barko ng China! Mga bobo!

And lastly, ipinapangako ko: gaganti tayo! Gaganti tayo sa kabutihan ng mga Vietnamese. ‘Pag bangka nila ang pinalubog ng barko ng China, tayo naman ang tutulong sa kanila!

If you have other questions, tanungin n’yo si Lorenzana o si Panelo. That’s all. Thank you.”

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“What is obvious is that Goliath, the neighborhood bully, will continue to rear its ugly head to intimidate our poor fishermen. We need to find a way to hold China’s leadership accountable.”
~ Former Foreign Affairs Secretary Albert Del Rosario

I am on Twitter and IG: @HecklerForever8

RESPECT, GMRC, THE LATE DUTERTE AND OTHER STORIES

Lani Mercado preaches respect and GMRC on Twitter. President Duterte arrives two hours late at the PMA graduation. Jimmy Bondoc vs. ABS-CBN, and more!


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“Respect commands itself and it can neither be given nor withheld when it is due.”
~Eldridge Cleaver

I am on Twitter and Instagram.

BUDOTS NATION (Stories from an election)

Duterte has won the midterm elections. It was an almost sweep for the administration-backed Hugpong ng Pagbabago candidates for senator.


BASED ON the latest partial and unofficial count, almost all of Duterte’s Hugpong ng Pagbabago candidates for senator emerged as winners in the midterm polls. Victory parties have been scheduled in Malacañang, Davao City, and Beijing.

According to the latest tally, re-electionist senator Cynthia Villar has grabbed the top spot. Among other things.

Bong Revilla, who is still facing 16 counts of graft, is currently in 10th place with more than 14 million votes. Confident of a victory, Revilla has sent ‘Thank you’ notes to his supporters, volunteers, and choreographer.

The Budots-dancing actor, who was once charged with plunder, received most of his votes from Pangasinan, Cavite, Cebu, Bulacan and Laguna. At least we now know where to channel our funds for education and mental health.

Bong Revilla’s best friend, and fellow plunder inmate, Jinggoy Estrada has yet to enter the Top 12. Looks like Jinggoy won’t be able to serve a fresh Senate term. Which is ok, because, soon, he’ll probably be serving a longer prison term.

Actor Lito Lapid, who has a pending graft case in connection with the fertilizer fund scam, is also in the Top 12. In preparation for his return to the Senate, Lapid has purchased a brand-new neck pillow.

Also in the winning circle is Duterte aide, Bong Go who is getting ready for his new job as Senate’s chief photographer.

Currently in fifth place is former police chief Bato de la Rosa who is now doing some research to prepare for his new post. For example, he has been asking incumbent senators if, during Senate hearings, committee members are allowed to cry.

If the trend won’t change, we will soon have Lito Lapid, Bong Go, Bong Revilla, Bato de la Rosa and of course, Manny Pacquiao in the Senate. Which begs the question, out of 105 million Filipinos, sila pa talaga?!

Former GMA 7 News reporter Jiggy Manicad has conceded defeat. In a statement, Jiggy said, “Ngayon, ang will ng Panginoon ay hindi pa muna. Siguro, may iba pa siyang assignment.” To which, God replied, “Yes, PTV 4. Thx.”

Juan Ponce Enrile, 95, also failed in his bid for a Senate seat. Congratulations, taxpayers!

As of 9pm, Tuesday. JV Ejercito is still in 13th place while his estranged brother Jinggoy, is in 15th place. When he learned about Jinggoy’s ranking, JV said, “I still feel like a winner.”

On election day, a sample ballot distributed by Sara Duterte’s Hugpong ng Pagbabago party showed (that) Koko Pimentel was dropped from Hugpong’s list of 12 senatorial candidates. In the latest tally, Koko has dropped to 11th place with a very slim lead over current 12th placer, Nancy Binay. Allies have started sending congratulatory messages to Inday Sara.

It’s Zero-Diretso for the decent, intelligent, and hardworking candidates of Otso Diretso in the senatorial race. If ever they’ll run again in future elections, they should learn more about the electorate, campaign strategies, and the ‘Budots’ dance steps.

Local Elections
Reelectionist Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada lost to Isko Moreno. Estrada is now looking for a new city where he can relocate before the 2022 elections.

During the campaign, Estrada said this would be his last election. Manila voters responded, “We’ll make sure of that.”

The Ejercitos/Estradas were clobbered in the midterm elections. They lost the city of San Juan to the Zamoras. Erap’s daughter, Jerika failed in her bid for councilor in Manila. Gary Estrada has conceded the vice mayoral post in Cainta. And ER Ejercito lost badly in the gubernatorial race in Laguna. At this moment, ER is still trying to figure out a way to blame his loss on Noynoy Aquino.

In yet another shocker, former vice president Jejomar Binay lost to former acting Mayor Kid Peña in the congressional race in Makati City’s first district. Reelected Mayor Abby Binay-Campos and estranged brother, Junjun have reportedly agreed to attend the wake of their dad’s political career – together.

Neophyte politician, Vico Sotto has ended the decades-old reign of the Eusebio clan in Pasig City. The 29-year-old Vico, son of Vic Sotto and Coney Reyes, won the mayoral contest against reelectionist Bobby Eusebio. The things we like most about Vico? He is young, transparent, and thinks differently than his uncle, Tito.
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“Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength. No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.”
~Dalai Lama XIV

Personal
To Otso Diretso and Team Pilipinas, thank you for your dedication and courage in fighting a decent fight. You’ve just started. Please stay with us.

For daily musings on society and politics, you may follow me on Twitter and Instagram: @hecklerforever8.

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Photo: TVC Screengrab

DARNA AT PULITIKA

Ano ang mangyayari kapag gumanap na ‘Darna’ sina President Duterte, Kris Aquino, Ben Tulfo, Imee Marcos at iba pang personalidad?

WHAT HAPPENS when political figures and other controversial personalities play the role of Pinoy superhero, Darna? Let’s find out.

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“When a stupid government is elected in a democratic country, the best thing about this is that you learn the number of stupid people in that country.”

~Mehmet Murat ildan

•Twitter/Instagram: @hecklerforever8

DUTERTE: MAGTIIS KAYO! PU*!@#1&@ N^0! (A Lenten Message)

Katulad ni Hesus, tayong mga Pilipino ay dapat magtiis at magsakripisyo. Kung walang tubig, magtiis…

LENTEN MESSAGE OF 
PRESIDENT RODRIGO DUTERTE
April 2019

Minamahal kong mga kababayan,

Ang Kuwaresma ay panahon ng pagtitika at sakripisyo.

Katulad ni Hesus, tayong mga Pilipino ay dapat magtiis at magsakripisyo. Kung walang tubig, magtiis. Kung brownout, magtiis. Kung walang trabaho dahil napunta na sa mga Chinese, magtiis. Kung naipit sa traffic, magtiis. Kung inosente at napatay sa raid ng pulis, magtiis. Ibinoto n’yo ako, magtiis kayo!

Ang pagsasakripisyo ngayong Kuwaresma ay isang paraan para mapalapit sa Itaas. Sa mga nagugutom at walang makain, huwag n’yong sisihin ang gobyerno. Isipin n’yo na lang na mas mapapalapit kayo sa Panginoon. Puro kayo reklamo, ‘tang i*a n’yo, magtrabaho kayo!

Sabi nga nila, we have to give up something for Lent lalo na ngayong Holy Week. Some people are giving up alcohol, ‘yung iba will give up smoking while some will give up meat. Mula nang ako’y maging presidente, consistent ako. Isa lang ang ginive-up ko, ang West Philippine Sea. P*tang i*a n’yo, kung gusto n’yong lumaban sa China, kayo na lang. Wala kayong barkong pang-guerra ‘tapos makikipag-agawan kayo ng isla, mga bobo kayo, ‘tang i*a n’yo!

Si Barrabas o si Hesus? Sino ba ang pinalaya ni Poncio Pilato? ‘Di ba ‘yung kriminal? ‘Wag kayong magreklamo kung bakit malaya pa rin sina Michael Yang at Peter Lim. Sumusunod lang ako sa Bibliya.

Si Hesus ay biktima ng paninira at maling bintang. Ganyang-ganyan ang ginagawa ng Bikoy na ‘yan sa aking pamilya. Lahat na lang idinawit mo sa druga p*tang i*a ka. Maliit ang t*ti mo pisti ka! ‘Yung akin, malaki! Ulol!

Maraming bumabatikos sa senatorial candidates ng Hugpong ng Pagbabago. Sabi nila, mga magnanakaw daw. Bakit? Anong masama sa magnanakaw? Nang ipako sa krus si Hesus, ‘di ba dalawang magnanakaw ang katabi niya? At anong sabi niya sa  magnanakaw? “Isasama kita sa kaharian ng Diyos.” Ang linaw ng sinabi n’ya. Kaya ‘di ko maintindihan kung bakit galit na galit kayo kina Bong Revilla at Jinggoy Estrada.

At dahil Holy Week, uso na naman ang Visita Iglesia. Kung ako sa n’yo, ‘wag na kayong magsimba. Pisti ‘yang mga pari at obispong ‘yan. ‘Pag nakasalubong n’yo, holdapin n’yo, ako ang bahala sa inyo.

Hanggang dito na lamang. Maraming salamat at nawa’y maging ligtas ang inyong bakasyon. Paalala lang: Huwag manlalaban. 

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“A traitor leader is the outcome of a fool nation.”
~M.F. Moonzajer, ‘30 Pieces’

For a daily dose of political humor and more, follow me on Twitter: @HecklerForever8

KMJS INVESTIGATES: ANG DIUMANO’Y MALAKING ARI NI DUTERTE

Dinayo ng aming team ang Davao City upang alamin ang katotohanan hinggil sa diumano’y malaking ari ng Pangulo.

PRESIDENT DUTERTE, in a recent public speech, said a man’s good looks were nothing if he’s got a small penis. He then bragged about his “huge” tool claiming its head almost reached his bellybutton. (You wish!). Read more about his graphic penis anecdotes here.

To verify the President’s claim, the country’s most-watched TV program, KMJS decided to investigate. Here’s what happened. (Note: Pretend that you’re the host while reading.)

BREAKING: MGA KA-DDS NILAYASAN ANG FACEBOOK

Banned by Facebook for posting fake news and black propaganda, online supporters of Duterte and Marcos will transfer to Friendster.

XI JINPING TO DUTERTE: DEFEND ME NAMAN!

Xi Jinping: O, kinasuhan ako nina Del Rosario at Carpio Morales. Wala ka bang gagawin?

Former Foreign Affairs secretary Albert Del Rosario, former Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales, and a group of fishermen filed a complaint against Chinese President Xi Jinping before the International Criminal Court for crimes against humanity over environmental damage in the South China Sea.

When the news reached Xi Jinping, he immediately contacted Rodrigo Duterte.

Last Tuesday, March 19, the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency (PDEA) seized 1.1 billion pesos worth of shabu in separate operations inside the posh Ayala Alabang Village and the upscale Alabang Town Center in Muntinlupa City. Chinese drug suspects were nabbed during the operations. PDEA officials reported the matter to their boss in Malacañang. Here’s what happened.

Interviewed by the media during a political rally in Cebu, Sara Duterte denied she’s eyeing the presidency in 2022.

I’m on Twitter: @HecklerForever8