POE FRANCIS

18 09 2015

poejOURNALph
LAST SEPTEMBER 16, Sen. Grace Poe officially declared her intention to run for president of the Philippines. It was an important declaration decided with the help of family, friends, and surveys.

In 2009, President Aquino was the most popular candidate. Today, at least according to the most recent surveys, it’s Grace Poe. Apparently, survey respondents wanted someone who is new, fresh, and with a popular dead parent.

In making her decision to run for president of the Republic of the Philippines, Grace Poe said, “I wanted to continue what my father, FPJ had started.” Specifically, these are:
1.

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10.

Sen. Grace Poe is running for president. She thus joined a long list of women who had said “no” to President Aquino.

A day after Grace Poe announced her bid for the presidency at the UP Bahay ng Alumni, Sen. Francis Escudero “accepted” Poe’s challenge to be her running mate. Chiz made the declaration at Club Filipino. Originally, Grace Poe wanted to make her announcement also at Club Filipino but club members said, “This is Club Filipino. We repeat, ‘Filipino.’”

Grace Poe has officially declared her bid for the presidency. In her speech though, she didn’t identify her party. Rumors say she is still torn between two: Republican and Democratic.

Sen. Grace Poe has officially declared her intention to run for president. Going super full blast soon: TV ads, on-ground campaign, and Edgar Erice’s attacks on her.

Enumerating her goals, the first-term senator acknowledged that “traffic situation takes away not just our precious time, it tests our patience.” Which begs the question, why did you support the INC protests on EDSA?

Sen. Grace Poe also vowed to “hold the corrupt accountable, whether they be friend or foe.” In totally unrelated news, Jinggoy and Bong are now reportedly campaigning hard for Jejomar Binay.

Former Zamboanga del Norte Representative Romeo Jalosjos, a convicted child rapist, was present at the UP Bahay ng Alumni last Wednesday to support Grace Poe. Nothing much has changed. Jalosjos like ’em young and fresh.
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
“People with ambition don’t give a damn what other people think of them.”
~Diane Setterfield

Sound Bites
Binay: Ituro mo sa akin. Nasaan?
Student: Hanapin na lang po ninyo, sir. Di ninyo yata nakikita.
Binay: Mga 3% or 5% lang ang informal settlers sa amin sa Makati.
Student: Eh ‘di mayroon pa rin, sir. Sabi ninyo wala.
~Exchange between Vice President Binay and UP Los Baños student and Mandaluyong City resident Lucky Patrick Lopez during a forum in UPLB

“Three percent lang ang informal settlers sa Makati, sabihin na nga nating halos wala. Lumabas ang kabastusan ng bata.”
~Vice President Binay

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Journal.com.ph]





EXCLUSIVE: EDSA NAGSALITA NA!

12 09 2015

1trafficPHILSTAR
LAST SEPTEMBER 8, Metro Manila motorists were stuck in gridlock traffic for several hours following a heavy downpour that triggered flashfloods. Thousands got stranded and EDSA became a giant parking lot. The other day, our request for an interview with EDSA was granted. Here are excerpts from the exclusive interview.

Good morning EDSA. Diretso na tayo sa unang tanong kasi alam kong nagmamadali ka; rush hour ngayon. Ano ang naging unang reaksyon mo sa napakatinding traffic jam noong Martes ng gabi?

Siyempre, natigilan ako. Hindi ako makagalaw. Feeling ko ang sikip-sikip ng mundo ko.

Inexpect mo ba ang ganung kagrabeng traffic?

Actually, pati ako nagulat. Six hours?!? Wow! Tinalo pa ang traffic noong may rally ang Iglesia. Natawa nga ako sa isang pasahero ng bus. Nagbanta ba naman ang pucha. Sabi niya: kakasuhan daw ako ng illegal detention. Hellllo!

Ano ang sabi mo sa kanya?

Itiniwalag ko! Ayun, naglakad mula Ortigas hanggang Guadalupe! Illegal detention pala huh! Hala! Lakad!

Tiwalag? So INC ka pala?

Tanga! Katoliko ako siyempre! Kaya nga may Our Lady of EDSA ‘di ba!?

Teka, balik tayo sa traffic noong Martes. Pati pala si Sen. Chiz Escudero naipit sa traffic. Ang sabi niya sa media, three hours daw siyang stuck sa ‘yo!

So nagrereklamo siya? ‘Buti nga siya at komportableng nakaupo sa kanyang SUV. Hiyang-hiya naman sa kanya ‘yong mga pinaglakad ko.

Teka lang po. Galit agad? Wala naman akong sinabing nagreklamo siya. Ang init ng ulo ah.

Eh kasi nga Biyernes na naman. Bugbog na naman ako n’yan sa uwian!

Umuulan naman tuwing hapon ah. ‘Di ba mas maluwag ka kapag basa?

On the contrary, mas nagiging masikip ako kapag wet. Wala kasing galawan. Gitgitan nang gitgitan. Kanya-kanyang pasok at labas. Ang ending, heavy traffic.

So kaninong fault ‘yong monstrous traffic jam last September 8? Sa baha? Sa dami ng sasakyan? Sa MMDA? Sa Highway Patrol Group? Sa government? Kanino?

Gusto ko sanang sabihing fault ni GMA pero ang hirap ikunek eh. So, sa kalikasan na lang. Ewan ko nga ba kay Mother Nature, nagpapadala pa ng destructive forces eh nand’yan naman ang mga pulitiko at ang gobyerno. Ang labo!

Maiba ako. Totoo bang may tampo sa ‘yo ang mga tao ng MMDA?

Narinig ko na rin ang isyung ‘yan. As much as possible, ayaw kong paniwalaan dahil matagal na rin ang pinagsamahan namin. Pero lately, aaminin ko ‘to, for the first time, and exclusive sa ‘yo… sobrang lamig ng pakikitungo sa akin ng mga taga-MMDA. Hindi na masyadong nagpaparamdam. No text, no call. ‘Di na rin masyadong tumatambay. Nami-miss ko nga ang aming kwentuhan eh.

Baka nagseselos sa PNP-Highway Patrol Group. Hindi kaya?

Ayoko nang magsalita. Basta, friends ko sila pareho.

Pinag-aagawan ka ng dalawa! Ang haba ng hair huh! I mean, ng lane! Ano bang meron ka?

Ganda lang! Jooooooke!!! Siyempre, motorists na willing magbigay. ‘Tsaka abusadong drivers na kapag nahuli ng enforcer, ang laging linya ay “Sir, baka pwedeng pag-usapan na lang natin ‘to!” OR “Boss, kumpare ko nga pala si Mayor X” or “Chief, otso ang plaka ko, di mo napansin?” Like that.

Until now?

Naman! May bago?!

Na-mention ko na rin lang ang MMDA, close naman kayo ni Chairman Francis Tolentino. Anong masasabi mo sa statement niya the other day na ‘di pa siya sure kung tatakbo sa Senado.

Palabiro talaga ‘yang si Chairman. Hindi raw siya tatakbo????? Eh para saan ‘yong araw-araw na political ad niya sa radyo? Wala lang? Trip lang niyang gumastos?

‘To naman. Hayaan mo na. Baka naman donation. Speaking of donation, balita ko nag-donate ng 20 million-peso worth of traffic lights sa Legazpi City ang MMDA ah.

Ganun?!? BumiBinay? Investment for future elections?

Nagbibintang???

Paanong naging bintang ‘yon! May question mark ‘di ba? In short, nagtatanong!

Eh pa’no yan? Sabi ng palasyo, bahagi raw ng official function ‘yon ni Chairman?

MMDA?! Umabot sa Legazpi City? Bakit? Ano ba ang A sa MMDA? Albay? Para-paraan huh!

Well, it worked for Binay. Let’s see if it would work for Tolentino.

Matagal pa ba ang interview na ‘to?

Grabe naman. Nagmamadali??? May naghihintay bang taxi sa labas?

Tanga! ‘Di lang taxi! Pati bus, kotse, truck, van, motorsiklo, ambulansya, atbp!

Konti na lang. ‘Di ba marami nang pulitiko ang dumaan sa ‘yo? Kapag natatrapik sila, ano bang naririnig mo mula sa mga ‘yon?

So tsismoso ako? Ganun?

I didn’t say that. Baka lang kasi naririnig mo sila kapag naiipit sa grabeng traffic. Like si Mar Roxas, ano ba usually ang sinasabi kapag napakatagal na stuck sa ‘yo?

“‘Tang-inaaaaaa! Traffic!”

“‘Tang-inaaaaaa” talaga??? Anim ang ‘a?’

Hindi naman. Minsan 10. Depende sa tindi ng traffic.

Si Manny Pacquiao?

Naku! Wala nang ginawa ‘yon kundi mag-quote ng Bible verses kapag natatrapik!

Eh si Grace Poe?

Sabi ni Madam, igalang daw natin ang karapatang magpahayag ng mga motorista. Kung mag-quote man daw ng Bible verses, hayaan na lang daw natin sila kasi may religious freedom naman.

How about President Aquino?

Actually, ang mareklamo sa traffic, ‘yong driver niya. Kaya si Presidente, ang laging banat: Buhay ka pa naman ‘di ba?

Kumusta naman si Binay?

Ahh iba naman ‘yun. Hindi nagmumura si VP to be fair to him. Kapag stuck ‘yan sa trapik, nagnanakaw ng tulog ‘yan. At least, consistent.

Consistent? Meaning?

Punta naman tayo kay Duterte…

Wait, what do you mean by consistent?

Aabutan na ako ng rush hour. Ayoko na.

Last na lang. Kung boboto ka sa 2016: Tuwid na Daan pa rin o iba naman?

Maluwag na Daan! Bye!

-End of Interview-
———————————————————————————————————————————————-
“Life is too short for traffic.”
~Dan Bellack

Sound Bites
“Severe traffic congestion that was triggered by heavy rains and flash floods clearly showed the inadequacy of existing road and flood-control infrastructure that will take time to be scaled up.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma

Have a good weekend and an even better week ahead! UP FIGHT!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Philippine Star]





PRRRT! LISENSYA!

5 09 2015

1trafficPHILSTAR
Fifth
The Philippines, according to a recent report, has the fifth worst traffic situation in the world. If it’s any consolation, we’re under the “non-fatal” category.

The Police
Starting this week, burly officers of the PNP-Highway Patrol Group will be deployed to manage traffic in the metro. Expect to see those cops on EDSA especially during rush hour. Or as they would probably call it, “happy hour.”

The Police II
The PNP-Highway Patrol Group has been designated as lead traffic law enforcement agency on EDSA. Some motorists describe it as “unsettling” while some MMDA traffic enforcers call it, “loss of extra income.”

123rfdotcom
Scenarios
Cop: Alam mo ba kung bakit ka namin pinara?

Motorist: Dahil Biyernes ngayon at kailangan n’yo ng pang-inom mamayang gabi?

Cop:

Motorist: Joke lang boss. Ganito lang talaga ako. Mapagbiro.

* * * * *

Cop: Prrrt! Lisensya!

Motorist: Lisensya agad? ‘Di ba pwedeng mag-hi muna?

Cop:

Motorist: Hi! Hehe Grabe ka namang makasimangot sir. Heto na nga, hinahanap na.

* * * * *

Cop: Prrrrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinahinto?!

Motorist: Ano ‘to? Quiz? Magmumulta kapag ‘di nakasagot???!

Cop:

Motorist: Ay! May No U-Turn sign pala. Sensya na sir. Malabo lang ang mata.

1qinteristingdotcom

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?!?

Motorist: Oo naman! Magkano ba?

Cop:

Motorist: Sorry! ‘Yong kahapon kasi nagsabi agad ng presyo. Akala ko ikaw ‘yon.

* * * * *

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?!?

Motorist: Alam mo bang less ang abala kung sasabihin mo na agad kung bakit?

Cop:

Motorist: Beating the red light sir. Sorry, naka-green pa kanina eh. Ang bagal kasi ng nasa unahan.

* * * * *

Cop: Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinahinto?!?

Motorist: Dahil a-kinse ngayon at kakasuweldo ko lang?

Cop:

Motorist: Pero opinyon ko lang ‘yan sir. Ewan ko sa opinyon mo. Kanya-kanya lang ‘yan.

* * * * *

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?!?

Motorist: Dahil ‘di mo alam na uncle ko ang mayor dito?

Cop:

Motorist: Well actually, uncle talaga s’ya ng best friend ko. So, heto ang lisensya ko.

1iconshotdotcom

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinahinto?!?

Motorist: Ikaw ‘tong nanghuli, ba’t ako ang tatanungin mo?!

Cop:

Motorist: Grabe ka namang makatingin sir! Nagi-explain lang. Chill.

* * * * *

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?!?

Motorist: Trick question! Hindi mo naman ako pinara eh. Hinuli mo ako!

Cop:

Motorist: Lisensya ko sir. Ready na. Hehe

* * * * *

Cop: Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?!

Motorist: May iba pa bang rason? Eh ‘di mangongotong!

Cop:

Motorist: Preemptive measure lang sir. Kung hindi ka mangongotong, eh ‘di mabuti.

* * *

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?!

Motorist: Yup! Dahil nag-swerve ako. But in my defense, may pulubing tumawid. Iniwasan ko ito kaya napilitan akong mag-swerve. Otherwise, mababangga ko ‘yong pulubi, mamamatay siya, makakasuhan ako ng reckless imprudence resulting in homicide, at masisira ang buhay ko. Nakapatay na nga ako, masisira pa ang buhay ko, nasaan ang fairness do’n? Kaya kung ako sa ‘yo sir, palalampasin ko na lang ang ginawa ko para hindi ka makunsensya in the future.

Cop:

Motorist: Fine! *hands over license* Basta ‘pag nasira ang buhay ko, ikaw ang sisisihin ko sir!

* * * * *

Cop: Prrrt! Lisensya!

Motorist: *hands over license*

Cop: *checks license*

Motorist:

Cop: Mayor!!! Sorry, ‘di kita agad nakilala. Ingat kayo sir, madulas ang daan.

1Dreamstim

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?

Motorist: Dahil wala akong choice! Pulis ka, nakauniporme, malaki ang katawan, may motorsiklong panghabol, may baril. Tell me, may choice ba ako?!?!

Cop:

Motorist: *hands over license* May point naman ako sir ‘di ba?
————————————————————————————————————————————————
“Leave sooner, drive slower, live longer.”
~Author Unknown

Sound Bites
“That is the clear direction, implementing an effective traffic law enforcement. The primary consideration here is to clear the choke points.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma

“I don’t think that is possible. No one has talked to me and I am definitely not interested. Definitely out of my psyche. What I am only focused now is the senatorial. Anything beyond that will not happen. Anything beyond that I am not ready.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima on reports she’s being considered for the VP post

Have a great weekend! #WorthTheWait

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philstar.com, Iconshut.com, Qinteristing.com, 123RF.com; Dreamstime.com]





ISN’T IT IROINC?

31 08 2015

1inc-pdi
THE RELIGIOUS SECT known as Iglesia Ni Cristo occupied portions of EDSA from Friday ‘til Monday. On Sunday, the program emcee, as quoted by several news orgs even announced, “Humarang tayo sa buong EDSA para ipakita kung gaano tayo karami!” For more than three days, EDSA was taken hostage.

Some politicians have spoken about the protests and the issue being raised by the INC. Last Friday, Vice President Jejomar Binay, Sen. Grace Poe, and DILG Sec. Mar Roxas issued their respective statements on the controversy. Binay said the DOJ was harassing the INC; Grace Poe said the sect was just defending religious freedom, and Mar Roxas just lost the Iglesia vote.

On Sunday, CBCP president and Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Socrates Villegas appealed to politicians not to exploit or take advantage of the INC issue. Too late, Archbishop. Too late.

Exclusive: A statement from a group of concerned politicians

1UTOT

Church & State
Iglesia ni Cristo protesters on EDSA insist Justice Sec. Leila De Lima should respect the separation of the Church and State. To which, Secretary De Lima replied, “You first!”

INC protesters say the government must respect the separation of the Church and State. When he heard this, resigned Customs chief Sunny Sevilla couldn’t stop laughing.

1INC
Permit
It was actually Mandaluyong City Mayor Benhur Abalos who allowed the INC to occupy EDSA. His opponent in next year’s election can kiss his mayoral bid goodbye.

Mauled
Accusing ABS-CBN News of bias, some members of the INC reportedly mauled an ABS-CBN cameraman covering the rally. The cameraman who sustained cuts and bruises said there must be separation of Church and hate.

Hated
For the past couple of weeks, MMDA Chairman Francis Tolentino has been the most hated person by motorists. Until INC leaders rallied their followers to EDSA. Congratulations Chairman!

Conflict of Interest
Amid the controversy involving his sect, ABS-CBN reporter Anthony Taberna has decided to take a leave of absence from his radio and TV duties. Viewers and listeners were shocked. Ba’t ngayon lang?

1TingtingRappler
Tingting
On Saturday night, Margarita ‘Tingting’ Cojuangco and husband, Peping Cojuangco, joined INC members who were protesting on EDSA. Leaders of the sect were pleased. They thanked the socialite-turned-politician for her unblinking support.

Margarita ‘Tingting’ Cojuangco spoke at the INC rally the other night. When protesters saw her face, they were reminded of EDSA traffic. Barely moving.

It’s Over
On Monday morning, the INC spokesman announced that the sect has ended mass protests all over the country after reaching an AGREEMENT with the government. Talk about separation of Church and State!
——————————————————————————————————————————————-
“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.”
~Voltaire

Sound Bites
“Ginagawa ko lang po ang aking trabaho at ang aking motibo lang palagi ay fealty to my sworn duty.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

“As I see my brethren being misled, and how they are acting towards those they perceive to be against them, my heart just grieves for them.”
~Ka Malen, INC member

Elsewhere
Journalist Ellen Tordesillas: INC’s overrated election clout

Have a safe week! Be rational!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: INC 1: Inquirer.net; INC 2: Philstar.com; Anthony Taberna: Tingting Cojuangco: Rappler]





TRAFFIC

27 08 2015

1TolentinoMMDA
Francis
Amid calls for his resignation, MMDA Chairman and senator wannabe Francis Tolentino was seen directing rush-hour traffic last Wednesday. Tolentino was spotted at the corner of Publicity and 2016th Streets.

The Cardinal
Caught in a highway traffic in Batangas, retired Cardinal Gaudencio Rosales walked several meters, helped settle a dispute between motorists, and freed up a traffic jam. Later in an interview, Rosales said he was very happy to have helped but denied that he was running for senator next year.

Apology
Sen. Bongbong Marcos has reportedly “apologized” to the victims of the regime of his father, the late dictator Ferdinand E. Marcos. Bongbong said sorry for healing, unity, and a shot at the presidency.

1TolentinoABSCBNNewsBalikbayan Box
To boost the agency’s campaign against smuggling, the Bureau of Customs (BOC) strictly enforced random physical inspection of ‘balikbayan boxes.’ Practically speaking though, the BOC’s anti-smuggling campaign would get a bigger boost if they enforce strict random inspection of Customs officers’ bank accounts.

Balikbayan Box II
Reacting to criticisms being hurled at the BOC’s random physical inspection, Customs chief Bert Lina said, “Kung hindi prohibited, bakit ka matatakot?” Ahmm, because you are the Bureau of Customs?

Balikbayan Box III
OFWs became furious. Netizens got angry. And the ruling administration was pilloried online. So last Monday, President Aquino ordered the Bureau of Customs to stop conducting physical inspection of balikbayan boxes. Mar Roxas heaved a sigh of relief.

1NAIAGMANewsGravity
An Australian national fell into a hole at the NAIA Terminal 2 transit lounge last July when the flooring gave way. The media only learned about the incident Wednesday when a NAIA security guard told them about it. The flooring has since been fixed while the security guard has started looking for a new job.

1NAIAGMANews
California
NASA satellite images reveal parts of California are sinking at an astonishing rate. To be fair, travelers at the NAIA Terminal 2 lounge sink faster.
———————————————————————————————————————————————–
“Publicity is just a foolish act done by wise people confidently, to fool the world.”
~Pratik Akkawar

Sound Bites
“It is one thing to inspect balikbayan boxes, another to desecrate them. The Bureau of Customs seems aware that balikbayan boxes, when opened by their personnel, are sometimes pillaged. What have officials done to rid their ranks of thieves?”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Tolentino: MMDA; NAIA: GMA News; Balikbayan Box: ABSCBN News; California: NASA]





PARA SA EKONOMIYA!

22 08 2015

farsidechickenIIa-01-1200x851
THE AGE-OLD question answered again by famous Filipinos: Why did the chicken cross the road?

President Aquino: “Ok lang. Buhay pa naman ang manok ‘di ba?

Sen. Grace Poe: “Upang ipagpatuloy ang mga nasimulan ni FPJ.”

Vice President Binay: “Eh kasi nga mga palpak, mga manhid ang nag-aalaga! Pinabayaan lang tumawid ang manok!”

Sen. Chiz Escudero: “Huwag po nating pangunahan ang manok sa pagpapaliwanag. May sarili pong isip ‘yan at hindi nadidiktahan.”

DOTC Sec. Joseph Abaya: “Hindi naman siguro fatal ang pagtawid.”

Mayor Rodrigo Duterte: “Subukan ng manok na ‘yan na dito tumawid sa Davao. Patay sa akin ‘yan!”

Sec. Mar Roxas: “Meron nang lane para sa mga manok. Sign ‘yan ng economic activity.”

Iglesia Ni Cristo: “Patunay lamang po ‘yan na malayang nakalalabas ang manok. Hindi totoong hinostage namin ‘yan!”

Pabebe Girls: “Hello! Kami ang Pabebe Girls at wala kaming pakialam kung tumawid man ang manok na ‘yan.”

#AlDub: “Malalaman natin kung bakit… sa tamang panahon.”

Sophia Love: “Para sa ekonomiya!”

***

1ABAYATraffic
The construction of the LRT-2 extension will start next month. When asked about the looming traffic congestion, DOTC Sec. Jun Abaya said, “Hindi naman siguro fatal ‘yan.” As opposed to the next elections which may be fatal to Abaya’s Senate ambition.

On the expected heavy traffic next month when the construction of the LRT-2 extension starts, DOTC Sec. Jun Abaya said, “Hindi naman siguro fatal ‘yan.” Netizens described Abaya’s statement as “insensitive.” Others said it was “unsympathetic.” The President said, “Linya ko ‘yon eh. Gaya-gaya!”

1Recto_InquirerFalse Claims
Rappler.com discovered that Sen. Ralph Recto has falsely claimed in his official online curriculum vitae that he has two masters degrees. The posted achievements were not true after all. Apparently, his online resumé was uploaded from a stall at Recto.

When Rappler asked Ralph Recto to explain, the senator immediately apologized. A gesture he should have also done a long time ago when he pushed for higher taxes via the EVAT Law.

1Enrile_Philstar
Selective Justice
Citing humanitarian reasons, eight justices of the Supreme Court allowed accused plunderer Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile to post bail. Shortly after he was released, Enrile said his faith in the justice system has been restored. As opposed to the public whose faith in the justice system has been shattered.

Citing health issues, eight justices of the Supreme Court allowed accused plunderer Juan Ponce Enrile to post bail. When sought for reaction, Bong and Jinggoy both said, “Later na lang please. Parang nilalagnat kami. Masama ang aming pakiramdam. Magkakasakit yata kami. ‘Di talaga ok ang katawan namin, promise!”
————————————————————————————————————————————————
“There is a higher court than courts of justice and that is the court of conscience. It supercedes all other courts.”
~Mahatma Gandhi

Sound Bites
“That we make factual determinations ourselves to grant provisional liberty to one who is obviously politically privileged without the benefit of the presentation of evidence… casts serious doubts on our neutrality and objectivity.”
~Supreme Court Justice Marvic Leonen on the SC’s decision to allow Senator Enrile to post bail

Stay safe!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Chicken: Crowdriff.com; Abaya: MMT.Com.Ph; Enrile: Philstar.com]





NO BOBO. NO BIO, NO BOTO.

18 08 2015

INILABAS NA NG Commission on Elections ang ilang bagong panuntunan kaugnay ng nalalapit na Eleksyon 2016.

ReinerSeeElection Day
1: Hindi papayagang bumoto ang mga taong nagsasabing “Ok lang magnakaw ang isang opisyal ng gobyerno basta’t naaambunan ang mga constituent na ‘tulad ko.”

2: Sa halip na pagalitan ang mga taong hindi naniwala sa payong “No Bio, No Boto” ‘tapos magrereklamo sa araw ng halalan, sila ay pagkakalooban ng sertipiko, “Achievement in Katigasan ng Ulo.” Maaaring kunin sa kanilang barangay hall ang katibayan ng pagkilala.

123RF
3: Ang mga balotang may boto para sa mga kandidatong may nakabinbing kasong graft, malversation of public funds at plunder ay hindi babasahin ng machine, hindi bibilangin ang boto, at tatatakan ng mga salitang, “When will you ever learn?”

4: Ang balota naman ng mga botanteng napilitan lang iboto ang isang kandidato – kahit alam nilang corrupt ito – dahil sa dikta ng kanilang kulto, sekta, simbahan, o anumang panrelihiyong grupo ay tatanggapin ng machine at mabibilang ang boto, ngunit tatatakan pa rin ng mga salitang, “Why can’t you decide for yourself?”

5: Vote Buying. Dahil talamak at ‘di naman mapigilan ng komisyon ang bentahan ng boto, gagawin itong legal simula next year. Gayunman, papatungan na ito ng 15 percent tax. Ang malilikom na buwis ay ilalaan sa Voter Education Drive ng Comelec.

Teresay.comCampaigning
6: Hindi na gagamitin ang terminong “campaign period” para ‘di magmukhang tanga ang komisyon. Sa totoong buhay naman kasi, kahit anong oras o araw gustuhing mangampanya ng pulitiko, nagagawa naman niya ito.

7: Expenditures. Mababago na ang allowed na halaga ng gastusin sa kampanya. Ito ang itinatadhana ng batas:
Presidente/Bise Presidente: 10 pesos kada botante
Ibang kandidato: 3 pesos kada botante
Kandidatong Walang Partido: 5 pesos kada botante
Political party at party-list: 5 pesos kada botante

2015 na. Ano’ng palagay n’yo sa botante? Cheap? Magsisimula ang presyuhan sa isandaan. Papayagan na rin ng komisyon ang pamimigay ng cake kung ito ang mas makapagpapasaya sa constituents.

2013-election

8: Financiers. Magiging mahigpit na sa pagsasapubliko ng pangalan ng campaign donors. Obligado nang tukuyin ng mga kandidato ang gumastos sa kanilang political ads. Narito ang ilang halimbawa:
Paid for by Friendship Ebeng Baloloy and Gerry Limlingan
Paid for by Lord Bong and Lilia Pineda
Paid for by Wang Bo
Paid for by Semirara Mining Corporation and DMCI
Paid for by Peter Co, Convicted Drug Lord and Bilibid VIP
Paid for by Jose Maria Sison’s Revolutionary Tax Collection
Paid for by Judy Roxas-Araneta #yamannilola #gatewayqueen

9: Kung may ‘go signal’ ng hukuman ang pag-demolish sa shanties ng informal settlers o squatters at HINDI ito ipinatupad ng isang government official dahil malapit na ang eleksyon, ituturing itong ilegal na paraan ng pangangampanya.

10: Tatlong buwan bago mag-eleksyon, ipagbabawal ang pagbisita ng mga kandidato sa mga burol lalo na’t hindi naman nila kadugo ang mga namatayan.

1BBC - Scavenger
11: Ipagbabawal na sa campaign speeches and slogans ang paggamit sa mga sumusunod na linya (and other similar lines) dahil ito ay harap-harapang panlilinlang:
– Ako ay may puso para sa mahihirap.
– Tutulungan ko ang mga mahihirap.
– Kakampi ako ng mga mahihirap.
– Bibigyan ko kayo ng magandang kinabukasan.
– Aahon tayo sa kahirapan.
– Uunlad na ang inyong buhay.

FINALLY…
12: Oobligahin ang lahat ng kandidato – lokal o national posts man na simulan ang kanilang mga campaign speech with this line: “Kapag ako po ay nanalo, mamatay man ang asawa, mga anak, ina, ama, at kabit ko, hinding-hindi ako magnanakaw! I thank you.”
——————————————————————————————————————————————————-
“That we have the vote means nothing. That we use it in the right way means everything.”
~ Lou Henry Hoover

Sound Bites
“I don’t want to mislead or to give false hopes. But what I’m saying is that at this point, I’m still deciding, I’m studying it and it’s up to them (LP) if they will wait. But I am thankful that their doors are open [to me] but I am not encouraging them to wait if this is against their plans or contrary to their position.”
~Grace Poe on her meeting with Mar Roxas

Have a safe week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Pork Barrel: Reiner Aldrich See; Ballot: 123RF.com; Posters: Inquirer.net; Father and Son: Teresay.com; Scavenger: BBC.Com]





LOW, SLOW

14 08 2015

1zarateQuestioned
Earlier this week, Bayan Muna party-list representative Carlos Zarate told Sec. Mar Roxas: Explain the source of funds for your TV ads. Moments later, Zarate told Vice President Binay: You’re welcome.

1robLeni for VP
On Wednesday, about a hundred Liberal Party supporters led by Kaya Natin’s Harvey Keh, Jim Paredes, former Pampanga governor Eduardo Panlilio, singer-composer Noel Cabangon and former congressman Erin Tañada launched the ‘Leni Robredo for Vice President Movement.’ Internally, the new group is known by its alternative name, the ‘No To Grace Poe Circle.’

1PBR
No Chance
In a survey conducted by NET 25, Iglesia Ni Cristo’s TV network, 93 percent of respondents said Mar Roxas will not become president. The other 7 percent who said otherwise denied that they have been abducted and detained.

UntitledLowest
In the Second Semester 2015 Makati Business Club Executive Outlook Survey, businessmen rated the Office of the Vice President as the worst performing government agency. But that’s just them. The rest of us are withholding judgment until the Office of the Vice President actually does something.

Second Lowest
In the Second Semester 2015 Makati Business Club Executive Outlook Survey, businessmen rated the Department of Transportation as the second worst performing government agency – just a notch higher than Binay. Of course, the DOTC would have been ranked lower if those Makati businessmen tried riding the MRT.

1rob
Slowest
According to Sen. Grace Poe, DOTC’s progress in improving the MRT is “very slow.” The only thing slower is making that decision to run or not to run for president in 2016.

1rob
“Philanderer”
Court records on the annulment case filed by the ex-wife of Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duerte mentioned the tough-talking mayor’s “penchant to engage in extra-marital affairs that persisted throughout their married life.” An anonymous source sent the court documents to Rappler. Duterte vows to address the issue as soon as he finds out how Secretary De Lima obtained those documents.

1robWife vs. Mistress
Judy Chin-Amante, wife of Agusan Del Norte Rep. Erlpe John ‘Ping’ Amante will reportedly run for mayor of Cabadbaran City against her husband’s alleged mistress, Katrina Mortola. Here’s what we know about Congressman Amante: he was a former governor of Agusan Del Norte; he obtained his political science degree from UP, and when it comes to love, his role models are Joseph Estrada and Rodrigo Duterte.

1rob
Mission Impossible
The new Mission Impossible movie has raked in more than $300M at the box-office. In ‘Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation,’ Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) and his team try to eradicate a highly-skilled terrorist group. The operation was successful because the team decided to coordinate with the military, the acting PNP Chief and the DILG secretary.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————
“During a political campaign everyone is concerned with what a candidate will do on this or that question if he is elected except the candidate; he’s too busy wondering what he’ll do if he isn’t elected.”
~Everett Dirksen

Sound Bites
“Knowing Secretary Mar, no public funds are involved there. Isang kanto lang ng Cubao ‘yun.”
~LP stalwart Butch Abad defending Mar Roxas’s political ads

“As of now, mas marami ang mas handa, mas marami ang mas nakakaintindi sa posisyong ito kaysa sa akin. Wala na akong ambisyong tumaas pa. Para sa akin, ang pagiging congressman, malaking bagay na ‘yon.”
~Congw. Leni Robredo on running for vice president

“Ang kapal ng cake ay mas malaking bagay sa mga mas mahihirap na tao kasi mas maraming makakakain. Mas makapal, mas maliliit ang slices, mas paghahatian ng mas marami.”
~Makati City Councilor and Binay ally Mayet Uy who noted that the new cakes for seniors citizens were smaller

Eat moderately.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Zarate, Robredo, Amante: HOR.Gov; INC: Rappler; Binay: Inquirer.net; MRT: MRT3.com;





HIGH AND DRY

11 08 2015

1water‘Dry Season’
Due to Maynilad’s rotating water service interruptions, some areas in Metro Manila and Cavite will go “dry.” The President can relate.

1PBRThe Help
A recent tabloid report said Sen. Grace Poe maltreated a household help in the past. When sought for reaction, Binay opted to keep mum while Mar Roxas opted to let Korina answer the question because she is more familiar with the subject.

1waterRehab
The same tabloid report also claimed that Grace Poe checked into a rehab facility for drug addiction. Something that even Toby Tiangco wouldn’t believe saying he didn’t see her ‘inside.’

Untitled
#WalangForever
Saying the Liberal Party cannot stay in power “forever,” Vice President Binay’s spokesman Joey Salgado lambasted LP’s alleged “sinister agenda” to stay in power for 20 years. In other news, the Binays have been in power for almost 30 years now – and Alanis Morissette is so tempted to belt out one of her hit songs.

1waterCakes
Makati City announced that Goldilocks Bakeshop was the lone bidder for the contract to supply birthday cakes for Makati’s senior citizens. The popular bakeshop submitted a bid of P8.7M – lower than Makati’s approved budget of P9.3M. The savings will be used to shoulder the hospital expenses of obese and diabetic residents.

1waterAlcohol Tracker
There’s a smartphone app that can help users keep track of how much they have been drinking. A local tabloid says Sen. Grace Poe has downloaded it.

1waterPopulation
According to the Philippine Statistics Authority, the country’s population is expected to reach 101.6 million this year. Again, the number of Filipinos is expected to surpass 101 million this year. If you are single, what’s your excuse?
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[Photos: Maynilad, Makati Cake, Lacierda/Salgado: Inquirer.net; Grace Poe: PhilStar; Alcohol Tracker: SlappMe; Philippine Population: CNN]





CHAROT: LACIERDA VS. SALGADO II

8 08 2015

THERE WAS A HILARIOUS exchange between President Aquino’s spokesman Edwin Lacierda and Vice President Binay’s mouthpiece, Joey Salgado recently.

Untitled
When Lacierda described Binay’s TSONA as “charot” – gayspeak for ‘joke’ or ‘just kidding,’ Salgado replied: “Imbey ang fez ni secretarush dahil trulalu ang spluk ni VP. Pero ang Sona ng Pangulo, chaka ever sa madlang pipol dahil hindi trulalu.”

The word war did not end there though. Rumors say they traded barbs through text. Here’s the transcript sent by an anonymous source.

Lacierda:
Kung anik-anik ang say ng VP mo sa kanyang TSONA Velasquez, waley namang mention tungkol sa friendship niyang sina Ebeng Baloloy at Gerry Limlingan! Sinetch kayang nag-hide sa dalawa? Knowing na!

Salgado:
Malaysia at Pakistan! Wa ako care sa mga julalay!

Lacierda:
Care bears ka? O shokot lang kayo dahil baka mag-ispluk ang lola Ebeng at ang T’yong Gerry n’yo tungkol sa bilyones ni VP? I’m sure, gibsung kayo ng datung sa dalawa para mag-fly sila somewhere. Appear, disappear! Aminin!

Salgado:
Kebs! Basta ang knows ko hindi na keri ng mga utaw ang julok na MRT. Isang oras silang Pilar Pilapil ever sa mga stations ‘tapos pag-Sally Ride na, deadjavu lagi ang tren kaya mega walk na lang sila sa riles. Anong ginawa ng government? Witchelles. WITCHELLES!

Lacierda:
Gaga! Pa-arrive na ang mga bagong tren no! Atatchina ka. Wait mo lang maikabit para bongga na ang travel!

Salgado:
Whatevs! Pero aminin mo, natalbugan ni VP si PNoy nang mag-salute ang lolo ko sa mga deads na SAF44 sa kanyang TSONA! Ang tears ng mga utaw, nag-fall. Winnie Cordero!!

Lacierda:
Anong winner do’n? Imbey na imbey nga ang isang byuds ‘di ba? User-friendly daw ang VP mo! In short, echosera! Laugh nga ako nang laugh nang makita ko ang headline: SAF44 widow on Binay’s TSONA: “Huwag n’yo kaming gamitin” PLANGUK!

Untitled
Salgado:
Keri lang. At least, na-remember namin sila. Eh ang boss mo? Waley! Ang na-mention lang sa SONA: designer, stylist, sekretarya, at ang Robert Barbers n’ya! Keber naman ng mga Purita Kalaws at Portia Ilagans of this world sa designer ni PNOy ‘no? Walang relate sa life ng mga Iskuwala Lumpur ang “Thank You Girls” ng SONA. Nakakaloka!

Lacierda:
Tse! Sa survey naman ng Rappler, winner sa mga online voters ang SONA ni PNoy. Ang TSONA ni Rambotito… Lucy Liu!

Salgado:
Wapakels. Ang mga friendship ni VP, wala sa social media. Win pa rin siya sa 2016! Period! Walang comma!

Lacierda:
Assuming ka ‘teh! Careful. Baka after ng eleksyon, cryola ka.

Salgado:
Gaga! Paanong cryola? Win or lose, meron pa rin akong anda!

Lacierda:
‘Yun na!

Salgado:
By the way, ang T’yo Peping Cojuangco ng boss mo, nag-out na. Si VP ang bet niya. Bongga!

Lacierda:
Deadma! Basta sa amin ang apat na Maria. Keri na!

Salgado:
Ay! Apat ba? I heard ‘di pa sure ang isang lola. Alam mo na! Close sa mga junakis ni VP ang Kristeta.

Lacierda:
Truelagenic! Pero feeling ko, ‘pag nakausap na siya ni PNoy, sa amin pa rin ang join niya. Wait, anong reak mo sa say ni Mayor Duterte na mala-Marcos ang boss mo? Tarush ng comment n’ya huh!

Salgado:
Tigilan na natin ‘to. Fly pa kami ni boss sa Ilocos para mamahagi ng help sa mga purita.

Lacierda:
Mamahagi ng help o mangampanya?

Salgado:
Pak! Para sa ekonomiya! Kapal ng fez mo! Tama na! Late na ako sa flight. Ano bang oras na?

Lacierda:
Roxas na! Charot!

Salgado:
Ang chaka! Babu na!
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“In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.”
~Napoleon Bonaparte

Sound Bites
“Maybe you’ll have money. But even if your expensive lawyers find a way to get you off, people will still think you’re guilty. Losing everyone’s respect, the respect of people you know and the people you don’t? It’s a shitty feeling, trust me.”
~Angela, a character in the new series, Mr. Robot

Try to watch Mr. Robot. This new series is awesome!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Salgado/Lacierda: Inquirer.Net]





VERSION 2.0

3 08 2015

Untitled
SONA: Binay Version
In his own State of the Nation Address, Vice President Binay enumerated the shortcomings of this administration in the last five years. He was very familiar with those shortcomings because he was part of this administration in the last five years.

Speaking before his supporters at the Cavite State University, Binay said, “Mayaman ang iilan pero ang masang Pilipino nagugutom. Iisa ang sigaw ng bayan: Trabaho! Trabaho! Trabaho!” Again, they’re yelling, ““Trabaho! Trabaho! Trabaho!” NOT “Magnanakaw! Magnanakaw! Magnanakaw!” as misheard by some.

The Vice President also complained, “Sabi nila, ‘Kung walang corrupt, walang mahirap.’ Pagkaraan ng limang taon, marami pa ring mahihirap at wagas ang pangungurakot.” Totally shocking his audience who did not expect that self-inflicted tirade.

Prospects
United Nationalist Alliance president Toby Tiangco says UNA will choose Vice President Binay’s running mate from among six potential VP candidates. But Tiangco has refused to name any of them. He plans to identify all six as soon as he gets permission from his imagination.

UntitledBinay and Amay
Comedian and Marcos loyalist Amay Bisaya has expressed interest in becoming Vice President Binay’s running mate in the 2016 elections. Of course, Amay and Binay are different. One is a funny guy whose words and actions cannot be trusted – and the other one is Amay Bisaya.

Vote-Rich
UNA spokesman Mon Ilagan is confident that the people of vote-rich Cavite Province will boost Vice President Binay’s survey ratings. Considering how Caviteños supported politicians like Bong Revilla in the past, that’s likely to happen.

Untitled
Better Version
Political analysts say Mar Roxas is a better version of President Aquino. He is tougher, more patient, and more tolerant. I don’t know Mar personally but when it comes to toughness, patience and tolerance, how can you not trust a guy who’s married to Korina Sanchez for almost six years.

Level Up
Liberal Party spokesman and Eastern Samar Rep. Ben Evardone says the party plans to present Mar Roxas to the public as a “much-improved version” of President Aquino. In terms of delivering services, for instance, if it takes 45 minutes for train commuters today to get a ride, under a Roxas administration, it will take them only 40 minutes.

Goodbye
On Monday, August 3, Sec. Mar Roxas said goodbye to the PNP and the staff of the DILG. But President Aquino said he would ask Roxas to stay a little longer and not quit yet. It then became awkward when Roxas replied, “I wish I knew how to quit you.”

index
Power Rates
Meralco has announced that power rates will increase in August in anticipation of supply restrictions. As opposed to a decrease in power rates last July in anticipation of the President’s SONA.
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
“There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants.”
~Karod Kintz

Sound Bites
“Because we think he is strong with intellectual voters, they know his competence and integrity, but he is not yet that strong in Class D and E.”
~LP spokesman Ben Evardone on Mar Roxas

“[A Binay presidency] is the second coming of the corrupt GMA presidency.”
~Political Analyst Walden Bello

Have a happy week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Mar/Noy: Inquirer.net; Binay: Inquirer.net; Amay Bisaya: GenSantos.com; Meralco: Philstar.com]





DROP, COVER, HOLD

30 07 2015

Untitled
Earthquake Drill
A metro-wide earthquake drill was conducted Thursday, July 30. Government officials participated in the drill including President Aquino, Secretary Roxas, and the DSWD. It was so realistic, their response to the disaster was late.

Earthquake Drill II
On Thursday, July 30, an earthquake drill was held in Metro Manila. During the drill, metro residents were advised to duck (drop), cover and hold on. Incidentally, that’s also the practice of corrupt politicians who are caught stealing.

Earthquake Drill III
During the metro-wide earthquake drill, residents were advised to drop, cover and hold. Curiously, members of the Binay family did something different: Snub. Deny. Retaliate.

Earthquake Drill IV
The Senate and the House of Representatives also joined the drill. They were advised to Control Alt Delete themselves.

Earthquake Drill V
The MMDA initiated the metro-wide earthquake drill. During the drill, several questions were asked such as, ‘What should we do during a strong quake?’ ‘Where should we go after a devastating tremor?’ and, ‘Is Chairman Tolentino really running for senator?’

Untitled
SONA 2015
President Aquino delivered his last State of the Nation Address last July 27. The speech lasted 2 hours and 15 minutes. That’s two hours for his achievements and 15 minutes against Vice President Binay.

President Aquino mentioned Vice President Binay’s name only once – in his opening. But he made up for it by making him the subject of his blind items throughout his speech.

On Target
In an apparent swipe at Vice President Binay, the President said, “Kahit kaliwa’t kanan na ang ebidensiya ng pagbabago, mayroon pa ring kontra sa Daang Matuwid. Kapag sila raw ang naging Pangulo, sigurado, gaganda ang buhay. Eh ‘di wow!” He then acknowledged the newest member of his Communications Group, Vice Ganda.

The Boxer
Congressman Manny Pacquiao was present at President Aquino’s last SONA. Manny had his photo taken with Vice President Binay. The boxer and the punching bag.

1mENU
Anti-Dynasty
In his last SONA, President Aquino said, “Hindi tayo makakasiguro kung malinis ang intensyon ng susunod o kung nanaisin lang nilang habambuhay na maghari-harian para sa sariling interes. Panahon na para ipasa ang isang anti-dynasty law.” Reacting to the President’s statement, Makati Rep. Abigail Binay said, “I don’t feel we are being alluded to.” To which her sister Nancy replied, “Gaga! Tayo ‘yon!”

Anti-Dynasty II
In his last State of the Nation Address, the President said it was time to pass an anti-dynasty law. He just gave Peping and Tingting Cojuango another reason to hate him.

True SONA
Reports say Vice President Binay will deliver “the true” State of the Nation Address soon. Which is somewhat ironic since ‘truth’ is the last thing that comes to mind when the name ‘Binay’ is mentioned.

National Anthem
The State of the Nation Address began with the singing of the national anthem led by Asia’s Got Talent finalist Gwyneth Dorado. Not to be outdone, Vice President Binay’s “true” state of the nation address will begin with the singing of the Gary Valenciano hit “Take Me Out of the Dark.”

The Sisters
Latest reports say the sisters of President Aquino will not support the presidential bid of Vice President Binay, their longtime family friend and political ally. As soon as the Binay siblings heard this, they went online, logged into Facebook, and clicked ‘Unfriend’ at least four times.


Silent Protest
After President Aquino’s speech, militant lawmakers, holding placards, staged a silent protest inside the plenary hall. They were booed and jeered by fellow lawmakers and other attendees. To be fair to them, they neither shouted nor made any noise. Ka Joma Sison’s remote control was in mute mode.

FOI Bill
Last year, House Speaker Feliciano Belmonte was quoted to have said, “Kapag natapos na ang 16th Congress at ‘di pa naipapasa ang FOI Bill, bitayin ninyo ako.” In President Aquino’s last SONA, there was no mention of the FOI Bill. To Belmonte’s loved ones, condolences in advance.
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“The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.”
~Friedrich Nietzsche

Sound Bites
“Kahit kaliwa’t kanan na ang ebidensiya ng pagbabago, mayroon pa ring kontra sa Daang Matuwid. Ang hirit nila: Mabagal daw tayo. Kapag sila raw ang naging Pangulo, sigurado, gaganda ang buhay. Sa mga medyo may edad po, ang isasagot dito, ‘Ah, ganun?’ sabay taas ng kilay. Para naman sa kabataan, iba na raw po ang tugon nila sa ganoong pahayag, iba na daw po ang uso ngayon eh: ‘E di wow!’,”
~President Aquino, SONA 2015

“We received text messages asking us: How can you support someone so corrupt?”
~ Maria Elena “Ballsy” Aquino-Cruz on Vice President Binay

Keep safe!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos/Videos: Earthquake Drill: @JeromeLantin; President Aquino: Inquirer.Net; Vice President Binay: Makabayan Bloc: Rappler]





LEAKED: SONA 2015 DRAFT – EXCLUSIVE!

25 07 2015

A DRAFT of President Aquino’s Sixth State of the Nation Address was sent to this blogger. Here are [unedited] excerpts of the speech. Exclusive!

State of the Nation Address
of
His Excellency Benigno S. Aquino III
President of the Philippines
To the Congress of the Philippines
[To be delivered at the Session Hall of the House of Representatives, Batasang Pambansa Complex, Quezon City on July 27, 2015]

Bago po ako magsimula, nais ko munang batiin ang ating mga kapatid sa Iglesia ni Cristo sa kanilang ika-isandaan at isang anibersaryo. [Applause]

Ngayon ko lang po ito aaminin: Malaki po ang naitulong sa aking kandidatura ng Iglesia. Mabuti na lang pala at noong 2010 ay buo pa sila. Eh sa susunod na eleksyon, paano na?

**

Sa mga nakikinig at nanonood ngayon ng aking huling State of the Nation Address, gamitin po natin ang hashtag na #PanghulingSONAYan sa Twitter. Kung nahahabaan kayo, ito na lang: #PSYWalangForever.

**

Unang-una, maraming salamat po sa ating Pangalawang Pangulo. Bagamat walang tigil ang batikos mo sa aking administrasyon, hindi mo nalimutang dumalo rito – nagbihis ka, nag-abala ka at ngumiti ka nang ako ay ‘yong makita. Naalala ko tuloy ang kumalat na bigas sa Davao. Fake.

**

Katulad ng aking nabanggit, ito na po ang aking huling State of the Nation Address. [5-minute Applause]

Kung makapalakpak naman kayo parang gustung-gusto n’yo na talaga akong umalis. Bitch.

**

Napakabilis po talaga ng panahon. Parang kailan lang, nananahimik sa Coconut Palace si Manong Jojo dahil namamayagpag siya sa survey. Ngayon, hindi pa man nakapagpa-file ng COC, araw-araw na ang campaign sortie. Palakpakan po natin ang sipag na ipinapakita niya! [Applause]

**

Hindi naman sa pagmamayabang, isang malaking tagumpay ang kampanya natin laban sa katiwalian.

Nakapagpakulong tayo ng isang dating pangulo. [Applause]

Nakapagpakulong tayo ng tatlong incumbent senators, ilang dating kongresista, gobernador, mayor! [Applause]

At MAKAPAGPAPAKULONG tayo ng isang bise presidente. All caps ang MAKAPAGPAPAKULONG para intense. [Applause / Standing ovation: LP members]

**

Patuloy po ang paglago ng ekonomiya. At damang-dama ito ng ating mga kababayan. Sa latest survey ng SWS, ang 12.7 percent hunger rate sa second quarter ng taon ang pinakamababa mula 2005. [Applause] Sino nga bang magsasabing naghihirap sina Kulas at Kulasa kung sa unang araw pa lang ay sold out na ang napakamahal na ticket ni Madonna? [Applause]

**

Kitang-kita po naman ang pag-unlad sa ating paligid. Kahit saan ka magpunta, may mga itinatayong istruktura: sa Fort Bonifacio, sa Eastwood, at kahit sa Luneta. May Spratlys pa!

**

Matatag ang ating piso at mababa rin ang inflation rate. Napababa natin ang singil sa kuryente; napababa natin ang presyo ng produktong petrolyo, at sa unang pagkakataon mula 1986, napababa natin ang isang Binay sa puwesto! [Applause]

**

Pinupuri ko ang PNP sa pagpapanatili ng peace and order sa bansa. Naresolba ng kapulisan ang isyu ng carnapping. Nasawata nila ang problema ng kidnapping. And just last Thursday sa compound ng Iglesia ni Cristo, napatunayan pong walang nagaganap na hostage-taking! Mabuhay ang PNP! [Applause]

**

“Justice delayed is justice denied,” sabi nga nila. Dahil ang nasa isip niya ay reporma, napakabilis umaksyon ni Justice Secretary De Lima. Huwag na po tayong lumayo sa ating halimbawa. July 21 ng umaga, dumating si Chris Brown sa Manila. Hindi pa man nagsisimula ang concert niya, may look out order na si Ma’am Leila dahil sa pakiusap ng Iglesia! Palakpakan po natin siya! [Applause]

***

Ako ay naniniwalang makatutulong ang K+12 sa paghubog ng kaisipan ng ating mga mag-aaral. Hindi po totoong pinababayaan ng ating pamahalaan ang edukasyon. Ang edukasyon ay para sa lahat – bata man o matanda. Halimbawa, ‘yang si ER Ejercito wala nang ginawa kundi batikusin ang gobyerno. Ayun, tinuruan natin ng leksyon. Tanggal sa puwesto! Edukasyon! [Applause]

**

Isa sa mga laging ibinabato sa akin: biased daw ako sa aking mga kaibigan at kakampi. Wala pong katotohanan ‘yan. Hindi ba’t kinasuhan na ng Ombudsman ang aking BFF na si Alan Purisima? Bakit putak pa rin nang putak ang aking mga kritiko? Masyado naman kayong bitter! Ano pa bang gusto n’yong gawin ko kay Alan? Iblock ko sa Facebook at Twitter?!?

**

Malaki-laki na rin po ang ating natitipid mula nang tayo ay umupo sa puwesto. Mapalad ang susunod na pangulo dahil may mamanahin siyang pondo. Nang mabasa ko nga ang menu para sa event na ito, nagalit ako sa caterer. Sabi ko, “Para saan po ang wine Ate? Nagtitipid tayo! Palitan mo ng milk tea.” [Applause]

**

Napakalaki na rin ng nabawas sa red tape sa mga ahensya ng gobyerno. Wala nang kukupad-kupad pa! Wala nang patumpik-tumpik pa! Halimbawa, sa Davao City, suspek ka pa lang… ini-execute ka na!

**

Baka sabihin ng ating mga kritiko, kinalimutan na ng gobyerno ang kanayunan. Naku, hindi po. In fact, kapag napag-uusapan ang mga farm to market roads, natatawa na lang po ako. Bakit ka n’yo? Eh kasi po ngayon, mas marami na ang roads kesa sa farm. Subdibisyon na ang mga bukid! Kaunlaran! [Applause]

**

Mahalaga po sa akin ang kalusugan ng bawat Pilipino. Hindi lamang sapat na pagkain ang kailangan natin kundi regular na ehersisyo. Kaya nga po ang mga pasahero ng MRT, pinaglalakad na lang natin sa riles upang mabanat naman ang kanilang buto! Mabuhay ang DOTC! [Applause]

**

May sampung buwan pa po ako sa puwesto. Tuloy pa rin tayo sa pagtahak sa Daang Matuwid. Ako po ang inyong Pangulo na nagsasabing… Walang corrupt, walang manlalamang, walang wangwang! And if I may add, walang makuhang vice presidential candidate. Patay tayo d’yan!
—————————————————————————————————————————————
“Some things you don’t have to promise. You just do.”
~Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave

Sound Bites
Gabi-gabi po, bago ako matulog, thank you at nakalampas pa ako ng isang araw. Kung, sabi nga noong bata kami, “finished or not finished, pass your paper” eh dumating na sa akin, palagay ko naman, naramdaman na ninyo kung anong pagbabagong karapatan ng bawat Pilipino ang mangyari. At bahala na kayong ituloy ito.
~President Aquino, SONA 2014

Have a safe week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Rappler.Com]





SUITS AND SONA

22 07 2015

1mENU
Wanted: VP
Without a viable VP candidate for the ruling party, President Aquino courted Sen. Grace Poe for weeks. But if latest reports are to be believed, he was unsuccessful. His losing streak with women continues.

Revenge
Vice President Binay has filed a P200-million damage suit against his perceived enemies: Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales, Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas governor Amado Tetangco and officials of the Anti-Money Laundering Council, two senators, a congressman, former Makati City officials, and the Philippine Daily Inquirer. Binay did not file a case though against his worst enemy: the truth.

Warning
On Wednesday, President Aquino warned against electing dishonest and self-serving leaders – prompting Vice President Binay to reply, “Hindi naman ako affected. Belat.”

1mENU

SONA
President Aquino will deliver his last State of the Nation Address on Monday, July 27. I have heard that the President would be more relaxed since he’s been doing it for years. Incidentally, many SONA attendees are saying the same thing about stealing people’s money.

SONA II
Some 2,700 guests are expected to attend President Aquino’s last State of the Nation Address. The House of Representatives has earmarked at least 2M pesos for catering and reception. A Lower House official said the goal was to not exceed last year’s budget. To achieve this, durian candies will be served for dessert.

Untitled
SONA III
Vice President Binay says he will attend President Aquino’s SONA as “leader of the opposition.” His daughter, Nancy will also attend the SONA as one of the more vocal critics of the administration. As opposed to last year’s SONA in which she attended as a replica of a weather balloon.

SONA IV
Nancy Binay says she plans to auction the gown she wore during last year’s SONA. This early, she has received bids from at least 10 people. All of them are meteorologists.

SONA V
According to Nancy Binay, she’ll be wearing another Randy Ortiz creation on Monday. Apparently, Ortiz hasn’t learned his lesson.

1mENU
SONA VI
The menu for Monday’s State of the Nation Address has been made public. To be served to the rich and the powerful after the President has delivered his last SONA, the menu includes bread sticks with quattro formaggio artichoke dip; cappellini a la puttanesca; shrimp and capsicum vinaigrette in shot glasses, and black angus with soft pan rolls with caper mayonnaise. A reminder of the state of their own, separate nation.

MRT Glitches
Commuters are appealing yet again to the DOTC to act on the problems of the MRT-3. On Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning, passengers were forced to walk on the rails and transfer to buses because of defective trains. That’s awful. That’s infuriating. That’s the true state of the nation.

Life in Space
With a budget of $100 Million, a Russian billionaire has teamed with American physicist Stephen Hawking to look for intelligent life in space. Those guys are searching for intelligent life in space; we can’t even find one at the DOTC!
————————————————————————————————————————————————-
“It’s now very common to hear people say, ‘I’m rather offended by that.’ As if that gives them certain rights. It’s actually nothing more… than a whine. ‘I find that offensive.’ It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. ‘I am offended by that.’ Well, so fucking what.”
~Stephen Fry

Sound Bites
“Ang hablang panakot ay depensa ng kurakot.”
~Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano on Vice President Binay’s suit against everyone

“Jojo Binay says it was a mistake to declare too early his presidential ambition, thereby inviting his early demolition. It was not prematurity that did him in; it was what he did as mayor. In fact, Jojo Binay ‘s early declaration catapulted him to the top of the surveys even as Mar Roxas’ tenacious timidity kept him at rock bottom.”
~Teddyboy Locsin, Idiot Idea

Have a safe week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino/Poe: Inquirer.Net; SONA Fashion: GMANetwork.com SONA Menu :@TinaPPerez/GMA News]





HUMAN ERROR

19 07 2015

Untitled
Dead
Maguindanao massacre principal accused Andal Ampatuan Sr. died Friday at the age of 74. He has been buried. His funeral convoy included flashy cars, a private army, and a dozen backhoes.

Dead II
Andal Ampatuan Sr., one of the principal accused in the murder of 58 people in Maguindanao in 2009 is dead. He was buried Saturday. An astute politician who never lost an election, Ampatuan is expected to run for the highest seat in hell in 2016.

Dead III
Maguindanao massacre prime suspect Andal Ampatuan Sr. is dead. Just like the victims’ chances of getting justice.

UntitledOne to Sawa
During a campaign sortie in Bacolod City, Vice President Binay said if he became president, he would push for the lifting of term limits of elected officials. Talk about maitim na balak.

Campaign
Vice President Binay drew flak online for giving away rosary-like bracelets with the letter B on the center of the cross. The Vice President’s camp won’t confirm if the letter B stands for “Binay.” His spokespersons are also mum on reports that the B actually stands for “Buwaya.”

Campaign II
In a campaign sortie in Negros Occidental, Nancy Binay gave away cellphones to the crowd. One excited cellphone winner tried dialing 0927-HONESTY (4663789) right away. The voice prompt replied, “Sorry, this phone doesn’t recognize that.”

Untitled
Pluto
NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft successfully completed the flyby of Pluto last July 14. It took NASA nine long years to explore that area in space. Which was still faster compared to the number of years it took the media to finally explore the office of Junjun Binay in Makati City Hall.

2016 Elections
The Commission on Elections has announced the use of malls as voting precincts for the 2016 national elections. Excited trapos were like, “Sana, may sale ng boto!”

Tragic
In a speech before delegates at the National Convention on Family and Life in Lapu-lapu City, Cebu, CBCP president and Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Socrates Villegas described same-sex unions as “a tragic error to humanity.” The title of Villegas’s speech was “101 Ways To Offend Catholics and Make Them Leave The Church.”

UntitledBrent-Schooled
Manny Pacquiao has reportedly pulled out his children from Brent School International in Laguna. The kids have been studying at Brent since kindergarten. In fact, Pacquiao’s two older sons, Michael and Jimuel have been overheard conversing in English with British accent according to the Philippine Daily Inquirer. The People’s Champ said his decision to pull them out was aimed at preventing nose bleed in the Pacquiao household.
———————————————————————————————————————————————-
“The hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning.”
~Adlai Stevenson

Sound Bites
“Itong term na ito ’di talaga ako naniniwala d’yan. Kailangan one to sawa ’yan, hangga’t gusto ng tao. Kaya kung merong amendments sa Constitution, ipapaalis ko ‘yong term limitation.”
~Vice President Binay

“Lahat kami ay sang-ayon na nakasalalay sa tamang liderato ang pagsulong ng ating bansa. Kaya naman nagkasundo kami na ang pinakamahalaga ay isaalang-alang ang boses at gabay ng ating mga kababayan upang masigurong hindi ito mawaldas at mapalakas pa ang maayos na paraan ng pamamalakad ng gobyerno sa darating na susunod na anim na taon.”
~Sen. Grace Poe on her recent dinner with President Aquino, Secretary Roxas and Sen. Chiz Escudero

“The two Congressmen, whose bona fides I do not question, have to be probed by their peers as a guide to future action and prevent a repeat of premature ejaculation, as it were. They were elected to convince their colleagues with their logic in Congress, intramurally, and not use the criminal law elsewhere to subdue them, extramurally, as it were, causing needless departmental tension.”
~Former senator Rene Saguisag on the treason charge filed by party-list solons Lito Atienza and Jonathan De La Cruz agains the government peace panel on the BBL

Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Ampatuan: Inquirer.Net; Binay Giveaways: Rappler.com; Pluto Flyby: Space.Com; Pacquiao Family: @JinkeePacquiao/IG]








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